Retail Therapy
by cosmogirl7481
Summary: Bella is successful and strong and has everything she thinks she wants in life. A chance meeting with a mysterious Edward one night, potentially changes everything she thought she knew and wanted. AU/AH/Slightly OOC. Rated M for language and lemons.
1. Cocktails and Conversation

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

**Chapter 1**

I watched as the perfect drop of condensation dripped and rolled down the angled slope of my martini glass. There was something so fascinating about the way it seemed to have a singular focus on getting to the stem, like it was its only goal. I could certainly appreciate that; I was nothing, if not goal oriented. I picked up my cocktail just as the dewy drop completed its mission. Although I had found it fascinating, my need for another drink took precedence. The cocktail was perfect. It was slightly sweet with an ideal balance of tartness. The vodka was so smooth on the bed of my tongue and burned ever so faintly and it slid down my throat. This, the perfect cocktail, was why I loved coming here on occasion…The Top Shelf. That's exactly what it was. A top shelf bar stocked with top shelf liquor that was filled with what most would consider top shelf people.

I was a top shelf person. In my life, I had achieved much success. At twenty-six, I was the youngest executive in my company to ever be made VP of a one hundred million dollar store. I had worked my way up through the company, although, I wasn't oblivious to how some of my peers thought I accomplished this staggering success. They could pretend to be happy for my accomplishment all they wanted. Some of them even deserved a Goddamned Academy Award for being able to congratulate me with a straight face, all the while imagining me on my knees with a cock in my mouth or that same cock fucking my tits. Not just _any _cock, mind you.

Michael Newton's cock.

Michael Newton was the Regional VP of stores. He had been the first Senior Executive that I directly reported to after I graduated from college and began my career. There had never been anything remotely sexual or romantic between us. He was my mentor and I utilized his knowledge of our business as a way to leverage my own professional growth and development. I acted like a thirsty sponge in the beginning, soaking up every ounce of information that he would give me. As he grew in his position, so did I.

My record for success stands wholly on its own. I've taken two fledgling, smaller stores from near closure to making them profitable, thriving contributions to the company. I am very results driven and have sacrificed much in my own personal life to achieve those important results in my professional one. And, even though I understand that my success is the realization of the endless hours of hard work, meticulous strategy and my own fucking, sheer determination and intelligence…the black cloud of what people thought of me still loomed over my head.

Thinking about this, pissed me off just a little and I took another drink and emptied the glass. I motioned to the bartender to bring me another one. Two drinks was usually my limit. Especially, since I had come here alone. It's not like I don't have friends. I do. It's just that because of the nature of my job, I have relocated twice over the last few years and my good friends are not geographically convenient for girl-time and cocktails. The managers that report to me have occasionally invited me out with them. Most of them are around my age, so I guess they feel like we should have common interests. I never go, because it has been my experience that you don't mix your personal and professional life. I have always kept that unyielding line drawn in the sand… No matter what anyone else might think.

The bartender brought me my cocktail and I took a sip.

The tension in my body was beginning to dissipate as the effects of the first dink settled into my system. I looked up and across the bar, just quietly taking in my surroundings. It was inviting, and buzzed with energy. Not an overt energy, however. Some people sat in small groups making conversation…some people alone, like me, needing a place to come down from their day. The walls had abstract paintings in vivid colors placed in focal areas giving the room a contemporary, urban feel. There were several seating areas made up of plush chairs and leather couches for people to mingle and soft light illuminated the room from warm colored lamps.

I glanced at the people surrounding me. It appeared that they were mostly reflections of myself in varying forms. Professional, for the most part. Some were attractive…some were not. All had money; based on the overpriced twenty dollar cocktails we were all consuming. This wasn't a local neighborhood bar where one would throw back a few beers and where everyone knows your name. We were all people that preferred to surround ourselves with those that were like us; never really wanting to know anything but surface details about the others, just content to know that they were all familiar. It was pretentious, and in my own mind, I knew that, ultimately, I was being hypocritical.

I hadn't always been surrounded by the comforts that having money had to offer. I actually had a very humble upbringing. Humble was actually overstating it a bit. Thinking about my childhood raised a level of defensiveness inside me that I was familiar with. I was so far from that place in my life and I wasn't going to sit here and allow myself to feel like any less than anyone in this room! I picked up my glass and took another drink and glanced around the bar again to divert my attention.

That's when I saw him.

Sitting in a darkened corner of the room was possibly the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He was tall and appeared to be lean and muscular. It was hard to tell though, because he was wearing a tailored black suit. The striking contrast between the black color of his jacket and pale complexion of his handsome face was captivating. He had full lips, really full lips, the lips you always dreamed about kissing. I couldn't see the color of his eyes because he was looking down typing something on his Blackberry. His lashes were impossibly long. The kind of lashes that women spend countless amounts of money at the cosmetic bays every day in my store, trying to achieve. Yet, there was nothing feminine about them. He had bronze hair that appeared to be disheveled and the locks fell slightly across his forehead. I had the sudden urge to run my fingers through it and grasp it in my hands. My face flushed as this thought ran through my mind and I realized at that exact moment that I had been staring, quite unabashedly actually, at the beautiful man. Just when I was about to turn away, it happened.

His piercing green eyes were looking right at me. The eye contact was intense and, for the life of me, I couldn't understand why. An uncontrollable blush covered my face down to my breasts and all of a sudden, my heart leapt from its place in my chest to my throat and began to beat wildly. The breath I had escaped my lungs in a whoosh, and I consciously had to close my parted lips, so as not to look like I was gaping.

I quickly looked away and brought my glass up to my lips to take a drink in hopes of appearing to be doing something other than staring at the stunning man. My hand was shaking, betraying any hopes I had of not looking completely mortified that I had been caught basically ogling him. I could feel the blood rise to my face even more and could only imaging that my own damn bodily reactions were more telling than if I had actually continued to stare into his deep green eyes.

Just as I was about to put my glass down, throw some money on the counter and make a quick escape, I felt someone touch my back. It startled me so much that I jumped and dropped the glass. The remnants of my drink soaked through my dress and the glass fell and shattered on the hardwood floor.

_I wanted to die_.

"I'm so sorry," a masculine voice said from behind me. "I didn't mean to startle you. Please, allow me to get you another one."

I turned around and looked at the man. He appeared to be in his thirties and he was looking down at me. His hand was still on my back, which was making me even more uncomfortable than I already was. I guess he sensed it, and he pulled away.

"No…no… umm, no thank you," I finally managed to force out.

I reached over to the bar to get some napkins to soak up the cold liquid from my dress.

"I was just getting ready to leave," I added, hoping he would just walk away and leave me to my humiliation.

I grabbed the napkins and felt his hand reach over mine.

"Please, allow me."

Before I could comprehend what was happening, his hand was pressing into my lap with the napkins.

I felt like I was having an out of body experience, then, the reality of the situation hit me with full force. I was enraged that this jackass presumed he could touch me!

"Please take your hand off me," I said in a forced tone.

"Calm down," he said, laughing. As if he thought I couldn't be serious. "I'm only trying to help. It appears you might have ruined your dress."

That was the final straw for me. I just wanted to leave the embarrassment of this night behind. I tried to stand up from the stool, and in my attempt to be swift, I tripped on my heel.

"Goddamnit," I cursed, a little louder than I meant to.

Couldn't I escape with just a shred of my dignity? I felt the stinging of stupid tears behind my eyes. Before I would allow myself one more moment of what had turned into a ridiculous public spectacle, I grabbed my bag. I reached in to get the money when, _again_, the man placed his hand around my arm.

"Let me get that," he said. "It's the least I can do."

I was about to protest again. To be quite honest, this guy was really beginning to make me uncomfortable…and really pissing me off! Before I was able to convey that exact sentiment to him, I heard another voice.

"It would be the _very least_ you could do. But. The. Lady. Said. No."

His voice was velvet. Velvet and silk, and any other ridiculously soft, beautiful thing you could possibly imagine. I was mesmerized by it momentarily. I knew it was him before I even turned around to look. Only the most beautiful man, with the most beautiful eyes, would have the most beautiful voice. I looked up and met his gaze. It was just as intense as before. I realized that I was holding my breath. The other man immediately dropped my arm and said, "Don't get your hopes up buddy. She might be hot, but she's a total bitch!"

Just like that, he turned to walk away. The beautiful man's green eyes darkened immediately and flashed with what appeared to be fury. His hands fisted at his side until his knuckles turned white. The intense reaction was a little unsettling. I didn't want to cause anymore of a scene than I already had. With a shaky voice, I plead, "Please, just let it go. I'm fine. I can handle myself."

Something seemed to register on his face, though I'm not certain what it was.

The flush had never left my face from earlier. If anything, it had only deepened in color. He took a deep breath and I saw him relax. Thankful that the unpleasantness was over, I placed my money on the counter. I turned to face him…to tell him thank you. Before the words could form on my lips he said, "Are you alright?"

Again, with the velvet. My heart fluttered.

"Umm...ye…yes," I managed to say.

I couldn't remember what I was going to say. It was all too much with him standing so close.

_Come on! You can form a complete sentence without stuttering! _

And then I remembered the words that were escaping me.

"Thank you," I said, because I really meant it.

"I could have handled myself though," I added, because I didn't want _any_ man to think I needed to be rescued.

_Even if he was the most beautiful man in the world. _

"You're welcome," he said. "I'm sure you could handle anything."

I didn't know what to say to him then, because now I wasn't only distracted by the velvet, I was also distracted by the warmth of his breath as it whispered across my face.

"I really should be getting home," I finally managed to get out.

Even though, I could have stayed there in that spot all night, listening to the velvet and breathing in the subtle fragrance of his breath that still lingered on my cheeks.

And then, I remembered…

I was mortified!

His mere presence had made me forget my earlier humiliation from the previous moments in this room. I needed to leave. I felt the blood rising, once again, to my face. Of course, he noticed me blushing.

"Are you sure you're okay…?" he asked, as if he was missing a word at the end of his question.

I realized that he was fishing for my name. Not wanting to give too much information to this man, who was for all intents and purposes, a stranger to me.

_Even if in that moment, he felt like someone more familiar. _

"Bella. My name is Bella," I told him. "And yes, I'm fine."

His eyes grew intense again and I had to break the stare.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella. I'm Edward."

I put my handbag over my shoulder, still intent on making my escape. He seemed to read my body language and politely stepped to the side before asking me "May I at least walk you to your car?"

I wasn't really expecting that, and honestly, I wasn't exactly comfortable with a man I didn't know making that kind of gesture. Besides, hadn't I just told him that I could handle myself?

That won't be necessary. I'm sure I can manage." He smiled down at me with this crooked smile that made my pulse quicken.

"I believe I have already agreed tonight, that you are entirely capable. I wouldn't be doing it for you. I would be doing it for me. I want to leave as well."

I allowed his words to sink in and reasoned with myself that I couldn't force him to stay here, if he _really_ wanted to go.

_Keep telling yourself that. Maybe you'll actually believe it. _

As if he knew it would make it easier for me, he started making his way for the door. I took my keys out of the side pocket of my purse-_just in case_-and followed suit. He held the door open for me in a chivalrous manner.I walked outside into the crisp fall air, breathing in deeply and allowing the slight chill to cool my face that was still blushing. I made my way to my car because it was parked near the front of the lot, close to the bar.

"Nice car," he said, smiling at me with that same crooked smile from inside. And just like before, my pulse quickened.

"Thanks." I said, smiling back at him; happy for the first time that I actually splurged on the blue BMW. Having the car had always felt a little exorbitant, but I reasoned that you get what you pay for…I'd made a career on that reasoning as it were.

"The color suits you."

I didn't really know what that meant, but I blushed nonetheless.

"And now, it suits you even more," he added.

I was slightly taken aback at his words. I wasn't sure, but it felt like there were more to them than I understood. And, I didn't like not understanding…even if part of my mind and body wanted to continue standing next to him saying confusing things with his velvet voice.

"I really should be going," I said quickly.

The reasonable and responsible part of my mind was finally winning out.

"Thank you, Edward,," I said as I unlocked the car. It didn't escape me that the sound of his name forming on my lips, felt good. Right, even. I had to shake that off and get the hell out of there!

_You are not that girl._

"No, thank you Bella." His voice was just above a whisper.

He leaned forward, maintaining eye contact with me the whole time, and opened the unlocked door to my car. I wasn't even going to allow my mind to process how good my name sounded…coming from velvet.

"It has been a pleasure," he added. "Have a safe drive home. Goodnight."

I quickly sat in the car, placing my handbag in the passenger's seat.

"Goodnight, Edward." It was little more than a sigh, as I looked up at him from my seat.

He politely shut my door and stepped away from the car.

I turned the key in the ignition and began to pull away. I should have been worried. I should have been chastising myself for allowing a strange man I didn't know anything about to walk me to my car in the dark. I should have been suspicious of his motives…but I wasn't. I hadn't felt any of those practical feelings of self-preservation. I was only able to feel excitement and, oddly enough, the most peculiar sense of calm in his presence. I didn't understand it. I decided that I wouldn't be able to completely understand it right now. So, I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind until I could process it all later.

_Later, when I wasn't still reeling from the feeling of him being so close. _

_Later, when I didn't still feel the intensity of his stare or hear the soft velvet of his voice._

I saw Edward in my rearview mirror watching me drive out of sight, and the thought of not seeing him again, both relieved and disappointed me at the same time. I allowed the conflicting feelings to settle as I made my way home.


	2. Ambition Is Hot

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 2

I walked through the front door of my apartment, finally able to relax for what felt like the first time all night. I kicked off my heels and bent down to pick them up before I padded across the living room and walked into my bedroom, laying my handbag on the oversized chair in the corner. I went into my closet and placed the shoes on a rack. I looked around at the abundance of clothing, shoes and handbags that I owned.

Every year, the senior executives held a silent auction and gala to raise money for local charities. It was coming up soon and I thought about going through my things to select what I would donate this year. This would keep my mind focused on something far more important than tonight's embarrassing events…_and_ _Edward_.

Even thinking his name caused a physical reaction in my body. My heartbeat sped up and I could feel the familiar anxiety creeping back into my tight muscles. This would not be productive. I needed more than busy work to help me calm down. I decided that I should take a hot shower instead. The warm and pulsing spray of the water would definitely be the quickest method of relaxation.

I walked out into my bedroom, all the while undressing. My bedroom was heaven. At least, the version of heaven I had created for myself. I wanted to be surrounded by soft, lovely things. As I approached my dresser, I looked at the delicate bottles of perfume that I had placed on a mirrored tray in the center. I loved fragrance. I had many different bottles, some I kept in my bathroom on the vanity, but I kept my favorite bottles here.

I placed my discarded clothing in a hamper next to the dresser. I would need to go to the dry cleaners tomorrow. Hopefully, the spilled drink wouldn't have ruined my dress. I opened the second drawer in the dresser and pulled out a nightgown. It was a simple black Calvin Klein jersey chemise. Comfortable, yet still feminine, a lot like me.

I walked over and placed it on top of my bed, so that I could put it on after my shower. My bed, itself, was actually pretty basic. The headboard was a deep mahogany with clean lines and smooth edges. It was queen sized. I had debated on getting a king, but ultimately decided that it was unnecessary…since no one shared my bed.

_Not in a long time, anyway_.

The bed linens were luxury. Soft cotton sheets and a lavender silk duvet over a down comforter covered the mattress. I loved pillows, so I had an abundance of them. I loved to sleep all snuggled up next to a pile of pillows. I wondered briefly, how nice it would be to have someone to share my bed with. I rolled my eyes at the absurdity of the thought and walked into the bathroom.

I opened the door to the shower and turned on the water. I pushed the handle all the way over for maximum heat. I pulled two towels out of the linen closet and placed them on the rack by the shower. I took my hair down and placed the clip on the counter. My hair was slightly wavy. It fell right beneath my shoulder blades.

Steam was already beginning to seep out into the room. I stepped in, and the moment the wet heat hit my body, I began to relax. _No, this shower would not be rushed. _I allowed the water to penetrate the tight muscles in my shoulders and back. I leaned my head back and let the water saturate every strand of my long, brown hair.

I realized that I hadn't washed my face yet because I could feel the slight sting of mascara in my eyes. I quickly turned to let the water hit my face directly and wiped my eyes. I should have used some eye-makeup remover before I got in the shower. It was too late now, so I began washing my face with the cleanser I had in the shower. Feeling no more stinging in my eyes, I turned around again and resumed the same position from before, still needing the massaging spray of the water to relieve the tension even further.

I washed my hair with my shampoo. The smell of strawberries filled the air and mixed with the steam. It permeated the room and I was struck by how much I loved the familiar scent's calming effect. I picked up some body wash and put some on a sponge, my body was still a little sticky from the remnants of the spilled drink. I decided to use Chanel because I felt the need to be pampered. The scent enveloped me and as I began to wash my body, and in that moment, I allowed my mind to think of him.

It wasn't even conscious, really. I thought about the intense way he stared at me tonight. How it quickened my pulse. The vivid green of his eyes was so stunning; I had a difficult time looking away. I couldn't remember ever having such an extreme physical attraction to any man before. The way it felt when he was so close that I could feel his breath was more gratifying than the _actual_ touch of other men. And his lips! I thought about what it might be like to kiss him…and felt my hand involuntarily brush against the peak of my breast. The action brought me out of my fog, but I didn't remove my hand. It lingered there, and it felt _really_ good.

What am I doing?

Am I _actually _doing this?

My nipples were already perfectly erect, at just the thought of him.

_I could do this. This was completely natural. And, I was, after all, in the privacy of my own home. No one would ever know. _I reasoned with myself.

I was completely aroused. More than I had been in…well…longer than I cared to admit right now. Immediately, I went back to thoughts of him…_of Edward. _I thought about the velvet of his voice and how my name sounded coming from his lips. I wondered what it would be like to have him here with me, right now, saying my name in soft whispers and moans as we touched each other.

_Oh God! What it would be like to touch him!_

I felt my hand slip down the flat surface my belly and into the yielding mound between my legs. The soft hair was wet from the shower, but I was completely and utterly drenched at my core! How was it possible that I was so completely turned on at just the very thought of this man I knew nothing about. Nothing, but the way he made me feel in those brief moments.

I allowed a finger to slip between my folds in a single stroke. God! I was so wet! This made me think about his long fingers, as they typed on his Blackberry. Wondering what it would be like to have his fingers stroking me like this, I slipped one completely inside. I let out a little gasp at the movement; my other hand making its way back to my breast, cupping it softly and pinching the pebbled nipple. No, one finger would not be enough. I slipped in another, and the sensation overtook me.

_I was gone. I was doing this_.

The heat of the shower and overwhelming sensations of my hands pretending to be his hands was too intoxicating. I rubbed my thumb across my clit as my fingers continued sliding in and out of me. I had to place my palm on the cool tile of the shower wall to support myself. My eyes closed and I could, once again, see his perfect face. I started saying his name softly. Just repeating it over and over.

"_Edward…Edward…Edward."_

I wouldn't last long. I needed release. I pushed in a little more forcefully, keeping my thumb in constant motion on my clit, and that's when I felt it. My body tensed and I felt the muscles contracting around my fingers. The air left my lungs in a gasp, as I experienced the most intense orgasm. It came hard and fast. My hand stilled and remained in place as my body rode out the sensation completely. _"Edward." _I let myself say the beautiful man's name one last time. It was no more than a whisper.

My legs were wobbly. I felt as though the pressure of the water that was streaming down my body might possibly be enough to knock me down. My breathing still hadn't returned to normal and I continued holding onto the wall for support. In that moment, I was completely at ease and relaxed. An easy laugh escaped my lips and I could feel nothing but unreserved contentment with what had just taken place in my shower. So much so, that my laugh turned into a giggle. I stayed in the shower for a little while longer, just enjoying what was left of the hot water.

When a few minutes had past, I leaned over and turned off the shower. I grabbed a towel from the rack and began drying my hair. I flipped over my head and wrapped the towel around my head. I stepped out onto the mat in front of the shower and enclosed myself in the larger towel and began to dry my body. The euphoric sense of calm I had in the shower still remained. I walked to the sink and took care of the mundane nightly tasks like putting moisturizer on my face and brushing my teeth.

I headed out into the bedroom to put on my nightgown. As I walked over to the bed, I heard my cell phone ringing in my handbag. I quickly discarded the towel and pulled the tank over my head and reached in the bag for my phone. I looked to see who it was. It was Alice, my best friend. I answered the phone.

"Hey Alice!" I answered cheerfully.

"_Hey yourself! Are you busy?"_

"Not at all actually. I just got out of the shower and I was getting ready to settle in for the night."

"_Good. Wait! Something's different about your voice!"_

"What's that?"

"_Don't play stupid with me Bella Swan! I've been your best friend for four years." _

She had been my best friend since right before we graduated from college. We lived together for a year while we were both getting settled in our careers.

"_I think I can tell when something is different with you...there rarely ever is." _

I laughed at the inflection of her voice and at the implication she was making. I couldn't argue with her. It was true. I am, for the most part, a creature of habit. I walked over and crawled up on my bed.

"Really, Alice. I don't know what you could possibly be talking about…Oh, no wait! I did get the new Lauren Black Label wool dress," I said, and before I could filter myself, I added bitterly "But, some douche bag made me spill my drink on it tonight."

"_The black one?" _she asked. Alice was more of a fashionista than me. I had really only gotten into clothing since I began working. I used to be a jeans and tee-shirt kind of girl. Alice was probably born in the tent at Fashion Week.

"_How did he make you spill your drink? This sounds like a good story."_

I recounted the story for her, leaving out all the parts about Edward. I wasn't really sure that I wanted to tell Alice about him; at least, not while I was still blissed out from my earlier escapade in the shower. I blushed, just thinking about it, truly happy that she was on the phone and not here with me in person.

"_So, what made you so nervous that you would jump, just because some random guy in a bar touched you on your back? That happens all the time Bella."_

Crap! I wasn't expecting her to ask that question. I was never good at making stuff up, and besides, Alice could always tell when I was lying anyway.

"Umm…you know…I was…uhh…just distracted." Could I have sounded anymore like a bumbling idiot?

"_Distracted, huh? By what?" _

She didn't believe me for a minute.

"Oh, you know. People watching."

"_No, I don't know. What kind of people?"_

"Jesus, Alice! I don't know! Just people in the bar."

I was being too evasive now and I knew she was going to call me on it.

"_People?" _she said sweetly. _"Or person?"_ she asked more pointedly. _"I know you Bella. You're not telling me the whole story. And, quite frankly, I can't understand that. We haven't had a secret between us since…I don't think we've ever had a secret between us actually!"_

She had me there. We were all about sharing everything. I had told Alice every single deep, dark thing I had ever done, said or even thought. She was forgetting though…she _did_ have a secret. I knew that she was sleeping with the uber-hot, kind of dirty barista at Starbucks when we first graduated from college and moved into our first apartment in the city. I never told her I knew, though. I figured it out when he started giving us free non-fat lattes every morning. Plus, I found his little green name tag in the couch. Thinking about this made me smile.

"_Spill it, Bella!"_

I rolled my eyes inwardly and took a long, deep breath.

"Oh, alright! I was completely, fucking captivated by this beautiful man who was sitting across from me in the bar!" I said dramatically…if not a little too harshly.

"_See, was that so hard?" _she said in her little "I told you so" voice. _"And, what's with the potty mouth? Hanging out with sailors much?"_

I laughed out loud, happy that we were back to a conversation that I could have with my best friend.

"I know, right. I don't know what's with me. I've dropped the F-bomb more times tonight than I have in weeks." I said as I laughed.

"_It's fucking unacceptable!"_ she chided. _"Enough with the gratuitous language…tell me about the beautiful boy."_

"First of all, he was a man, not a boy. You make him sound like a John Lennon song." I sighed. "I don't know Alice. I've never really experienced anything like that before. When he caught me basically staring at him...he just…we just…"

"_Spit it out, Bella!"_

"Seriously, Alice," I whined. "His stare was just so intense. Too intense! I couldn't break it for a moment. I know I was just sitting there, staring at him with my mouth open like an idiot." I took a breath, it was shaky. "And, the crazy thing Alice, was that he was staring right back at me too."

"_Well that doesn't sound too confusing Bella." _She said flippantly._ "Did you even consider that he was probably as interested in you as you were in him?"_

I snorted. "No. Really. You should see this man! When I tell you he was beautiful…I mean he was _really, really_ beautiful!"

"_And, what? You don't think that he _would _be interested in you?" _Now she was the one laughing. _"Christ, Bella!" _she practically yelled through the phone. _"I'm sick of this self-deprecating shit from you! You have more to offer any man than just your looks. Which, by the way, are completely amazing. You're beautiful. You also happen to be the brightest, warmest and most caring person I know! Not to mention the fact that you are, hands down, the most ambitious and intelligent woman I have ever met!"_

"Yeah." I said sarcastically. "I can't go a day without a man telling me that my _ambition_ makes him hot." And, just like that, we were both laughing hysterically!

"_So, what else happened?" _she asked.

I recounted the rest of the night for her. How he approached me when the douche bag wouldn't leave me alone and how he walked me to my car. I told her that I told him my name, but only my first name…just to be safe. I told her that his name was Edward, and I _know_ she heard me sigh when I said it. I told her about the chivalrous way, in which, he opened my car door. Men just don't do that kind of thing anymore. And, lastly, most importantly, I told her how I felt when I was with him. How I wasn't nervous or anything. Even though I probably should have been. Finally, how I could have basically, just stayed there with him all night. If I was going to be honest, I figured I might as well go all out. It felt good to talk about it, to get it out there in the open.

"_Bella, you have to find out who this guy is!"_

"No, no I don't." I said quickly. "Besides, I don't even know how I would go about doing that. I only know his first name. It's not like I could just ask around to find out if anyone knows a hot guy named Edward."

"_No, but you could just go back to the bar to see if he shows up again."_

"I will not! I'm never going back there again, Alice! I was humiliated there tonight…I don't think I could ever show my face there again! Besides, he would probably just think I was like…I don't know…like some sort of stalker or something."

"_Well, from what you've told me, I think he was just as into you as you were into him."_

"You don't know that! I could have been reading more into it than was actually there."

"_That doesn't sound like you at all. You're pretty good at reading people."_

"Seriously, though. I just don't think I could do it."

"_Of course you could, silly! You just walk back into that bar and see if he's there…which he will be. You don't even have to say anything. If what you've told me is true, he will approach you."_

"You have it all figured out, don't you?"

"_Yes. I do actually. You know I have a sixth sense about these things,"_ she said. I could almost see her winking at me through the phone.

"No. Absolutely not! I just can't do it. I would just be too embarrassed."

"_Bella!"_

"I said no, Alice! Not gonna happen!"

"_Fine!"_

"Good."

"_It's settled."_

"Thank you."

"_Oh, you'll be thanking me alright."_

"What do you mean?"

"_I'm coming into town this weekend, and we are going out for cocktails!"_

"Really?" I asked, my spirits lifting. "You're really going to come?"

"_Yes. I'm really going to come. It's been too long since I've seen you anyway. I could use a little time with my best friend. Besides, I have some news for you that I would rather tell you in person."_

"News? What kind of news?" I was curious. I tried to come up with any news that she could possibly have that she couldn't tell me over the phone. "Are you getting married?"

"_Don't be crazy Bella! I promise I'm not getting married. I would need to meet someone first for that. I _am_ looking forward to being your wingman this weekend, though. Is it wingman…or wingwoman?"_

I giggled.

"I don't think its wingwoman."

"_Wingperson!"_

"Alright, wingperson." I agreed. "I need to get some sleep. What time should I expect you?"

"_I'll book a flight tomorrow. I'll text you with the details."_

"I can't wait to see you Alice!"

"_I know…me too!"_

We both said our goodbyes and I set the alarm clock next to my bed. I was so excited that Alice was coming for a visit. As luck would have it, I had the weekend off. Which, in my line of work, doesn't happen all the time. I usually, only get two weekends off a month.

I walked back to the bathroom and combed out my still-damp hair and walked back to the bed. I pulled the blankets and sheet down and crawled underneath. I turned off the light and rolled over onto my side with my knees bent, snuggling up to a pillow. And there, in the quiet dark of my room, my mind began to wonder. It would be so nice for the pillow to be an actual man. To be able to hold on to something that would hold me back. As much as I loved the independence of my life, I secretly longed for someone to share it with. There had never been anyone with whom I wanted to be that intimate. My bed was one thing. My life was a completely different story.

My eyelids were getting heavy and I felt myself falling towards sleep. Unconsciously, my mind drifted to the intense gaze of the beautiful green eyes. My last thoughts before the sleep took hold were of him…_of Edward._

***************

A/N

Please leave me some love and review!


	3. Edward and the Downward Dog

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 3

It was 5:01 am when I finally turned off the alarm clock Thursday morning. I let the piercing buzz continue for a full minute before I had the energy to roll over and make it stop. I considered hitting the snooze button. Just nine more minutes, warm and comfortable in my bed, would have been so nice. But, no, I had yoga at 6:00 and I didn't want to miss it.

I hopped out of bed with a slight groan as I turned on the light. It was too bright. I dressed quickly in some grey yoga pants and a white tank top and sports bra. I brushed through my hair that was tangled from going to sleep while it was still damp last night, and pulled it up into a ponytail. I brushed my teeth and washed my face with hot water, allowing the warmth from the washcloth to linger on my face while I rubbed my eyes, removing any remaining traces of the eye makeup I didn't get the night before.

I walked into the kitchen and took a bottle of water from the refrigerator and headed over to grab my yoga mat and a jacket from the closet. I took my keys from the table in the foyer and headed out the door. My gym was only a couple blocks away from my apartment, so I always walked. As I passed through the lobby of my building, the doorman, Mr. Caplin spoke to me.

"Good morning, Ms. Swan." He smiled at me.

"Good morning, Mr. Caplin." I say with a smile. "I keep telling you to call me Bella. Maybe one day, you'll listen."

He laughed and added "Maybe, Ms. Swan."

I walked through the door that he held open for me. I loved this building. I had been so excited when I was finally able to afford to live here. Buying the apartment had been one of the biggest milestones of my life. I had never really had much stability when I was growing up, as far as a home was concerned. My mother was so flighty. We tended to move around from place to place whenever she got bored or lost whatever job she had at the time. It was during that time that I made a promise to myself to do whatever I had to do to make a better life for myself. I remember being so nervous the day I signed the papers at the Title Insurance Company office. I thought about making Alice go with me, but I decided that it was ultimately something I wanted to do _by myself._ I had never been more proud of anything than I was of finally being a homeowner. A place that was my own. Yes, I loved this building…and everything it represented to me.

Yoga was usually relaxing; lying on the mat, with the new age music in the background, and the instructor's soothing voice. All of that should have added up to _flexible-bliss._ Well, it didn't this morning. All yoga did for me was give me a solid hour of introspection, that ultimately led me to thoughts of Edward. It didn't matter that I was actually _doing _yoga. I would just be in the downward dog pose…and thinking about Edward. Or, assuming the bridge pose…and yes, thinking of Edward.

When I got back home at I quickly showered and got ready for work. I put on a MaxMara black suit paired with Jimmy Choo peep-toe black pumps and pulled my hair back in a lose ponytail at the nape of my neck. I topped off the look with a classic fragrance. Cashmere Mist. It was my favorite, and I always felt like I had a better day when I wore it.

I saw that I had two text messages on my iPhone as I was leaving the house. One was from Alice and one from Michael Newton. Alice told me that she would arrive at six tomorrow evening and not to worry about picking her up. She would meet me at my apartment. Michael told me that he would be working in my store on Monday and wanted to do a walk-through of the fourth quarter set-up. That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. I usually like to work the day before his visits so that I could ensure that the store was impeccable. I wouldn't be able to do that with Alice here this weekend. I was pretty sure that we were 100% complete. I would need to walk today with my executive team to ensure that we were set.

I made my daily appearance at Starbucks at eight-thirty to get my first caffeine fix of the day. The staff knew what my drink of choice was, so I didn't even have to order it. This made me happy since I pretty much felt like my order was pretty pretentious, and it embarrassed me slightly to have to order it. _Grande, Extra Hot, Non-Fat, Sugar free, Hazelnut Latte with an extra shot. _This would give me enough time to get to the store and prepare for my morning meeting with the executive team at nine. Like Alice said before…nothing really ever changed with me. I liked always knowing what would happen from day to day. The familiarity that came with the pattern of my life was comforting. It was stable.

The meeting went well. We were up for the month and looked like third quarter was going to end on a positive note. This was very encouraging since the economy was still unsteady, at best, and other retailers were struggling and losing market share. I headed to my office to check my email and see if there were any customer concerns that needed my attention. I was bound and determined that I would focus on work today…not Edward. It was one thing to have a silly fantasy of him in my own home, but quite another to have him pervade my thoughts while I was working. I simply wouldn't allow it.

I spent the morning engaging the associates in conversation as I walked the store with my team. I liked to do that anyway. I feel that one quality that all strong leaders possess is the ability to be absolutely _present_ for the people that work for you. It was extremely important to me that the associate population understood that I was there for them, and wanted nothing but their success. We had one hundred and ninety-three associates that worked in our building. I knew them all…by name. It was a productive morning and I was happy with the progress that we had made as a store to ensure that we were set for Michael's visit. I had a conference call at one-thirty and decided to have a working lunch in my office.

After the call, Michael called to confirm that I had received his text message. I told him that I had, and asked if there was anything that he would need while he was working in our store. He only wanted the usual, which was Diet Coke stocked in the fridge and to make sure that the conference room would be available during the afternoon. Apparently, he would also be holding another conference call for the region on that day. I informed him that it would be no problem. He added at the end of the call that he was pleased with the results the store had produced during the time that I had been here. This made me smile, because I was proud of the job I had done. I told him thank you for the kind words, and he promptly told me that they weren't kind…simply true. This made my smile even bigger.

I was working on sales plans and staffing models for the spring when my store mobile phone rang. I answered, "This is Bella. How can I help you?"

It was my Assistant Store Manager, Angela.

"Bella, there is a customer in the Men's Store who would like to speak with a manager."

This caught me off guard. Angela was the ASM and could usually handle any customer situation that arose. She had my full consent to do whatever it took to make the customer happy.

"Angela, you _are_ a manager," I told her.

"I know, Bella. He wants to speak with the General Manager."

I cringed. The only time a customer wanted to see me was when they had a bad experience. I was rarely called for a customer to praise anything. It happened occasionally, but it was certainly not the rule.

"Alright Angela, please tell him that I will be right there."

I was already walking out of the office when I hung up the phone. I made sure that I had business cards in my pocket. Most times I would offer the customer my card to let them know that they could reach me directly, should any other issues arise in the future. The Men's Store was on the top floor, so I made my way up the escalator. I realized that I forgot to ask what part of the Men's Store the customer was in. I contemplated calling Angela back to find out, but I concluded that another call might upset the customer further. I would just walk the department until I saw Angela. It wasn't _that _big. I approached the Men's Furnishings department and I saw Angela at the wrap stand. My eyes went to the customer…and I couldn't breathe. It was him! I could only see the back of him, but I knew. I saw his tall, slender form…and there it was…his bronze hair. It was more striking in the light of the store as opposed to the dimly lit bar or the moonlit night.

I froze momentarily. I even considered turning and running. This was impossible, however, because my legs were completely immobile. I couldn't move. I knew that all the blood in my body had rushed to my face, the same as last night. My God! Was it only last night that I was near him? Angela noticed my pause and he must have detected something on her face, because he followed her eyes behind him…to me. She looked at me, slightly perplexed. Her momentary confusion was written all over her face. I had only one choice in this moment. I straightened my back, gathered myself together and continued walking forward, to what could only be described as my own personal version of Hell.

I tried to mask the horror on my face, although I'm sure he could see the blush covering the entirety of it. I could feel my eyes grow wider with every step I took. As I got closer to him, I could feel the same palpable energy that had been between us last night. The only difference was that I didn't have the benefit of alcohol to calm the raging nerves in my body. After what felt like minutes, instead of seconds, I was standing in front of him. Angela spoke and brought me out of my daze.

"This is our General Manager, Bella Swan, sir."

_Well, there goes any anonymity that I had from last night._

I had to physically think about what I should do in this moment. There were too many things running through my mind!

_How was this happening? _

_Is this for real? _

_Why is he here? _

_Why is he still beautiful? _

_What is wrong with me?_

I couldn't concentrate. I snapped out of it, and reached my hand out to him to shake his. He seemed completely unaffected by this. He wore a slight…smirk?

_What the hell is that about? _

"Good afternoon." I said; my throat dry.

_Damn it! My voice cracked. _

"What can I do for you?" As I spoke, Angela walked away, satisfied that I would handle the situation with the customer.

"Good afternoon," he said, still holding on to my hand.

I took my hand from his, and I felt his thumb drag across my palm as I pulled away. I tried to ignore the tingling sensation that it left in its wake. He was looking into my eyes, and the stare was just as intense as it had been the night before. It was almost too much to deal with in this moment.

"Was there a problem, sir?" I asked, trying to maintain some decorum of professionalism.

"No _maam_." He emphasized the word maam to make a point. "Not a problem, per se."

_What does that mean? _

"Would you care to explain to me what you mean by that?" I asked, trying desperately to ignore the slight tremble in my voice. "I'm sorry…I'm just not sure that I'm following you. And, I want to make sure that we do everything we can to provide you with the exceptional service that you, as our customer, deserve."

_There. That sounded professional. Right?_

He chuckled at this statement and I felt embarrassed. I hadn't said anything funny.

"Well, Ms. Swan," he said. "I actually wanted to speak with you regarding the level service that I received here in your store today."

I looked at him, trying to figure out if he was serious. I couldn't really get a good read on his face, and my pulse was hammering in my ears, making it hard for me to concentrate.

"It wasn't…what did you call it?" he said with the _smirk_ again. "_Exceptional_?"

It took everything I had inside of me not to challenge him on his statement right there on the sales floor.

"Please, sir," I responded in my most saccharinely sweet voice. "Tell me about your experience in my store today."

I was trying to sound sweet, but I think by the end of my last statement, I was leaning more towards defensive.

I was barely aware that there were other customers in the department, as well as the selling staff. When I realized that people were listening in on our conversation, I grew even more uncomfortable. I needed to gain control of this situation.

"Would you mind terribly, if we were to continue our conversation in the office?"

I didn't really want to go to my office. Honestly, I didn't think it was wise for me to be alone with him again. I'm pretty sure my hands were shaking and I wasn't even sure I could walk.

"That would be just fine, Ms. Swan," he said, and the sound of his voice made my knees weak.

I instantly remembered the way I imagined his voice in the shower last night and I felt my face burn at the recollection.

He seemed to notice, and asked "Where is your office?" This snapped me back to the reality of this situation.

"I'm sorry. Excuse me. My office is downstairs."

I turned to walk and asked him to follow me.

I didn't know what I was going to do! Edward was here in _my_ store getting ready to go into _my_ office! My heart was pounding in my chest so loud that I was positive that he could hear it from where he was standing. We exited the Men's store and made our way over to the escalator. I motioned for him to go first and stepped on behind him. As I did this, the heel of my shoe caught the lip of the escalator and I tripped. Everything happened quickly then. He must have been looking up at me to see it happen, because before I could fall, his arm circled around my waist and he caught me, my face was right up against his neck. I was horrified that I had just tripped! I just fucking tripped on the escalator…which had never happened before…right smack into Edward! Even through the horrible embarrassment of the situation, I noticed how good he smelled. It was fresh and tender; strong and sensual. Better than any fragrance we sold in the store.

"Bella!" he whispered, still holding onto me tightly. "Are you alright?"

I felt hot tears spring to my eyes, and I had to blink them back.

"I'm fine," I said, trying to extract myself from his grip. He was too close, and I was too humiliated to even look at him. "Thank you for catching me." I had to look at him for my next question. I lifted my eyes and met his.

"Did I hurt you? Are you alright?" We were at the bottom, and he took my hand and guided me off of the escalator.

"I'm not hurt," he said, looking into my eyes again, smiling.

We made our way to the executive office. I walked slowly, so as to avoid any further trips and falls. I told my assistant Lauren, that I would be in with a customer, and to please send all calls to voicemail. I gave her my store phone so she could answer any calls that I received from the store. I led Edward back to my office and asked him to take a seat before I closed the door. I walked around my desk, and sat down…still afraid to make eye contact. After what felt like hours, I looked up at him. The silence was too much. It was making me more nervous than I already was. He had a contemplative look on his face. His eyes were soft and penetrating.

"How did you…What are you…Why are you here?"

_I sounded like an idiot!_

"I was here to make a purchase Ms. Swan."

It was the "Ms. Swan" that focused me. I was at work, and he was my customer.

"Yes, a purchase," I said as detached as I could possibly manage. "Please, tell me about your experience. You said it was less than stellar."

I couldn't quite read his expression as he considered what to say next.

"Well, I definitely wouldn't call it stellar," he said after a moment.

"Go on," I added.

"Well, I was waiting in the department for about five minutes before someone approached me to ask if I needed assistance. I don't know about the rest of your customers, but my time is very important."

I stared at him, wondering if he was serious about this, and silently cursing whatever associate that was working on the sales floor.

"Your time is very important to us. As a customer, we would never want to inconvenience you in any way."

He smiled as I said this. Then, I thought about his statement. His time was very important. Important enough that five minutes was enough to bother him. Yet, he asked to see a manager, and waited until not one, but two managers could come to assist him. It could have been the principle, but none of it really added up.

"I'm sorry Mr. …" I waited for him to give me his last name.

_A lot like he waited for my name last night._

He didn't respond.

"I'm sorry; I didn't get your name."

He wasn't going to pull out the "Ms. Swan" on me and not be expected to reciprocate.

"You know my name, Bella," he said gently.

The intensity was still in his green eyes, different from a moment ago, but still there nonetheless. I felt the need to look away. But, I absolutely wouldn't. This was my office!

"I wasn't aware that this was the right place for first names, Edward." I said, slightly exasperated at the sudden change in his disposition. "But if that's what you prefer _Edward_, we can do whatever you wish."

He smiled, and I swear, there was a hidden meaning behind it. I just didn't know what it was. I was through with the mixed signals. I was ending this right now.

"Please allow me to apologize for all of this today. For the unacceptable service, or rather, _lack of service_ that you received on my sales floor, I am truly sorry," I said this genuinely, because I was really disappointed myself, that _any_ customer would be ignored in my store.

He looked like he was about to speak, but I continued on.

"On top of that, please accept my sincerest apologies for your continued wait for both Angela and myself, as I understand that your time is extremely important…and lastly, I apologize for my little debacle on the escalator. I assure you that I am _mortified_ to have personally caused you any more trouble today."

I looked him directly in the eyes, ignoring, for the first time, how beautiful they were.

"What can I do to make this up to you?" I waited for a response from him, but it did not come.

_I was pissed!_

"I would like to make a customer accommodation for you, if you will allow it. I will give you 25% off of whatever you wanted to purchase and I will _personally_ escort you to the floor to help you expedite the transaction." He balked at this.

"You think I want a _discount_?" he asked, his voice sounded shocked.

What did he want? I thought about what I should say next.

"That would certainly be an appropriate response from the store, since we seem to have failed you miserably today."

_I'm the one. I'm the miserable failure._

"Bella." He said my name so softly, I almost didn't hear it. "It appears that _I_ owe _you_ an apology. Not the other way around."

I was beyond confused at this point. I wasn't sure whether I was coming or going. He was going to apologize to me?

"What are you talking about?" I managed to ask.

"Everything I told you is true," he explained. "I did come to your store to make a purchase today. I did stand in the men's department for five minutes before someone approached me, and I did ask to speak to a manager." He let out a loud breath and ran his fingers through his hair, which may have the sexiest thing I'd ever seen. I was about to ask why he felt he needed to apologize for any of that, when he spoke again. "What I didn't tell you was…was that I was actually in the store earlier." _Jesus! There was more? Did someone else ignore him?_ "While I was browsing, I saw you on the sales floor talking to an associate." He leaned forward and looked at me as if to make sure that I was listening to him.

_Like I could possibly be doing anything but listening to him right now!_

"I wanted to approach you then, but I wasn't sure how appropriate that would be. So, I left. I went to lunch and I couldn't stop thinking about you. Hell, if I'm being completely honest, I couldn't stop thinking about you last night either."

I couldn't breathe again. I knew I was blushing again as well, and I couldn't even find it in myself to care in that moment. I couldn't comprehend what he just said to me. Before I could try to make sense of his words, he continued.

"I figured you had to be a manager, so I decided to come back and ask to speak with one…a manager that is. I thought if I could just talk to you, maybe we could…you know…maybe we could have a do-over of last night." He looked down as he said this, almost like he was embarrassed of his words.

"You wanted a do-over?" I asked, stupidly.

He met my eyes again, and simply said "Yes."

"Please let me make this up to you Bella. I know I was wrong to do this to you at your place of business, but I was just afraid that if I didn't, I would never see you again. And, I wasn't prepared to let that happen. I don't know about you, but it's rare that I meet someone that I feel any sort of connection to." He laughed nervously. "I felt a connection with you last night, and I think you felt it too." He smiled a crooked smile at me that almost made me fall out of my chair. "If I'm completely off base here, just tell me…I'll walk out of this office and I won't bother you again."

I had no words. I wanted to say a million things, but the words would simply not come. I thought for a moment that I must be dreaming. This couldn't possibly be happening. So, I just sat there….staring blankly. He mistook my silence. I watched as he stood up.

"I'm sorry to have bothered you Ms. Swan. Please forgive my dreadful behavior."

He turned to leave and I panicked. Why wasn't I saying anything? His hand was on the doorknob. I forced the words out.

"Bella," I said. "My name is Bella. Please don't call me Ms. Swan. And…you're not…off base, that is." I stumbled over my words. "You weren't off base."

He spun around in one graceful movement, and he had the same crooked smile from before on his face.

He walked back over to the desk and picked up a pen and a piece of my stationary. He wrote something down and pushed it towards me.

"This is the name and address of a restaurant."

I looked at the paper and recognized the place he was talking about. It was actually one of my favorites.

"If you would be so inclined, I would love for you to join me for dinner tonight Bella."

I smiled at him and before I could change my mind and come up with a single reason to say no, I said "Yes. It would be my pleasure Edward."

He reached down and touched my hand on the desk.

"Will dinner at eight be alright?"

He could have told me midnight, I still would have gone.

"Dinner at eight will be wonderful."

He lifted his hand from mine and turned to leave. Before he reached the door, he turned around once more.

"By the way, Bella…its Cullen. My name is Edward Cullen."

***************

A/N

Please leave me some love and review!


	4. Mr Darcy Mr Cullen

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

_Pride and Prejudice_ and _Sense and Sensibility_ are all Jane Austen.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 4

I was breathless. He must have been gone for five whole minutes, and my body still didn't possess the capability to make my lungs take in air. So I sat there at my desk, motionless, waiting for the breath to find me. I knew I was breathing, however, because I hadn't passed out. I just couldn't feel it. I could only feel his lingering presence in the room, could only sense his subtle, rich fragrance that still remained in the air. Even though I couldn't wrap my mind around what just transpired, I was unapologetically happy about it. My face broke out into a huge smile. Edward had just told me that he couldn't stop thinking about me. He just stood before me and asked me to have dinner with him. That's a date, right?

It was just after four and I didn't think I could wait to go home at five-thirty to start getting ready. I heard a knock at my door and I asked them to come in. It was Angela. She said that she had seen the customer leave and wanted to make sure everything was okay.

_Everything's great! I have a date with the most beautiful man I've ever met!_

I couldn't say that though. I was at work and I needed to get back to my job. Yes, I could focus. I told her that everything was fine. I explained that not one associate had approached the customer for five minutes, and that was unacceptable. I asked her to meet with the Men's manager and explain what occurred on his floor. He would need to follow up with the associate to ensure that something like this wouldn't happen again. If it happened to Edward, it was happening to other customers, and I simply couldn't have that. Angela agreed, and walked back out into the store. I decided to finish working on the staffing models for the next hour and then I looped the entire store one more time before I left for the day.

The moment I got into my car to head home, I called Alice. I had to tell her what happened. It would be six by the time I got home, and I had to be at the restaurant by eight. I still didn't even know what I was going to wear!

_"Hey Bella! Did you get my text?"_

"Yes. I can't wait to see you, but, oh, my, God…I have something to tell you!"

I told her the whole story, leaving nothing out. I needed to know what she thought. I don't even think I stopped to breathe while I recounted every moment that I spent with Edward to her.

_"I told you he was into you!"_

"I know you did. But, I am freaking out right now, Alice! I'm so nervous!"

_"Don't be nervous, Bella," _she said in a soothing voice. _"You're going to be fine."_

*****

I continued talking to Alice until I got to my building. She said everything that your best friend is supposed to say, and I really did feel better after talking to her. I rushed into my apartment and took a quick shower. I applied my makeup and decided to wear my hair down in soft curls and waves. I was a mess! I still didn't know what I was going to wear. I had changed for times already. Nothing seemed right. It was either too much, or not enough. So, I stood inside my closet and waited for inspiration to strike. I considered wearing a little black dress_._ I mean, if Audrey Hepburn taught us anything, it was that you couldn't really go wrong with a little black dress. I decided against that though, because both times Edward had seen me, I was wearing black.

Nothing jumped out at me at first, and then…I saw it. It was hanging in a garment bag. It was _the _dress. It was a deep blue Michael Kors matte jersey dress from the fall collection. It draped and gathered at the front and had a plunging v-neckline. It was the kind of dress that expected something special to happen when you wore it. I, so badly, wanted something special to happen tonight. I slipped the dress over my head and put on the sexiest pair Christian Louboutin pumps I had. I prayed that I wouldn't trip and fall. I took one last look in the mirror and headed out the door.

***************

When I arrived at the restaurant, it was just before eight. The butterflies in my stomach had been replaced by full-blown nausea. I fought the urge to vomit right there in my car. I was rethinking the decision I made to not have a drink before I left the house. A little liquid courage would have been nice right about now, and it would have calmed my nerves, if only minutely. I checked my appearance in the mirror and reapplied my lipstick. Satisfied with myself, I grabbed my clutch and got out of the car. My legs were shaking and I just knew that I wouldn't be able to walk a straight line in these shoes.

_Damn Carrie Bradshaw for telling us that death-trap shoes were sexy!_

I walked into the restaurant and checked my coat. I wasn't wearing it because it wasn't terribly cold outside at the moment, but it might be chilly when I left. I approached the host; she was an attractive girl who looked like she wasn't much younger than me, maybe twenty-two or twenty-three. She smiled at me politely and asked me if I had a reservation. I told her that I was meeting Edward Cullen. It felt strange to say his name out loud, strange and noticeably _right. _Recognition flickered across her face.

"Mr. Cullen has already arrived. Please, follow me."

I followed her back into the restaurant. I'd been here a couple of times since moving to the city, so I was familiar with the layout. We continued walking, and I realized that she was leading me to part of the restaurant I had never been in.

"Mr. Cullen reserved a table in our private dining room."

When we entered the room, my eyes immediately went to him. He stood up from the table as I approached him, a smile played at the corners of his mouth. He was wearing a grey suit with a crisp white shirt underneath. The jacket had two buttons and he didn't wear a tie. He looked modern and classic all at the same time…and sexy as hell! I was sure that my face was an obvious shade of crimson, but I couldn't help but smile nervously back at him. I wondered if he could tell what I was thinking.

"Bella, thank you for joining me." He walked around the table to pull out my chair and the host must have taken it as her cue to leave, because, without a word, she exited quietly.

"Thank you for inviting me," I said nervously, as I took my seat.

He walked back around to his chair and sat down in front of me.

"You look stunning tonight," he said, and I noticed the muscles in his throat move as he swallowed.

"Thank you," I said awkwardly. "You too." I added. "Stunning…I mean…is it...is it okay to say that a man looks stunning?" I was rambling. I don't know why I said that. He must have thought I was an idiot.

He chuckled and said "Stunning is better than whatever else I might have expected."

"What did you expect?"

He didn't answer.

He was staring at me, and the intensity of his gaze was overwhelming in that moment. I looked around the room in an effort to alleviate some of the pressure. The room was softly illuminated and there was a small candle on the table that flickered, causing reflections of light to bounce off the glasses that sat before us. The table was covered with a white linen tablecloth. It was all very simple, elegant even. I noticed two bottles of wine on the table. He must have noticed my questioning expression.

"I didn't know if you preferred white or red, so I took the liberty of ordering both."

"And, what if I told you that I didn't really care for wine at all?" I teased him. Still, a little surprised that he would get both.

He smiled and said "Well then, I would have had to order you a martini. After all, I _know_ you drink those." And then, he winked at me. It was my turn to laugh then.

"White would be lovely, Edward. Thank you."

He poured me a glass of the white wine and did the same for himself.

"I was afraid that you might come to your senses and not show up tonight."

"Did you _really_ think I wouldn't be here?" I asked, unconvinced. "You don't seem like the kind of man that would be doubtful of anything."

He smiled at my statement.

"Tell me, Bella. What kind of man do you think I am?"

I thought about his question, and the best way to respond. I picked up my wine glass and looked into his green eyes.

"Well, based solely on what I know, you are the kind of man who walks a woman to her car and opens the door. So, that would make you _chivalrous_." I took a drink of my wine. "You are also the kind of man that came back into my store, once you realized I was there, so that you could speak with me. That would make you _bold_." I continued. "You were agitated that it took five minutes for someone to approach you, and that would lead me to believe that you can be _impatient_." I watched as the smile on his face grew. "You are the kind of man that would ask a woman to dinner, even after doing all of these things, and that would make you _determined_." I placed my wine back on the table. "And finally, you are the kind of man that orders not one, but two bottles of wine before she even shows up." I laughed, and so did he. "And that would make you _confident_…and maybe…" I let the word hang in the air for the briefest moment. "…just a little bit _cocky_."

_What do you think of that, Edward?_

There was a crackling energy between us. It was tangible, and I knew that he was feeling it, just the same as I was. He was getting ready to say something when the waiter came in to take our orders. I was disappointed. I wanted to know what he was going to say. I hadn't even looked at a menu. I quickly glanced down, and remembered that I'd had the salmon the last time I was here, and it was good. So, that's what I ordered. Edward ordered the same thing, which surprised me. The waiter took our menus and left the room. I took another drink of the wine and waited for him to speak.

"You seem to have a fairly perceptive idea of what kind of man I am."

"Are you agreeing that you possess all of those traits?" I asked. "Some of those qualities aren't exactly positive."

"Maybe not, but what person doesn't have some negative attributes?" It was more of a statement than a question. "Speaking of which, may we discuss the more undesirable things I did today?"

I was intrigued.

"What would you like to discuss?"

"Bella." He said my name and it came out as no more than a sigh. I felt my heart flutter. "I never should have come to you like that today. I realize that now."

What was he talking about? Was he regretting what he did…the things he said? I felt my throat tighten up. What if he really didn't want to be here with me?

"It was inappropriate and I would never want to cause you any problems, especially where you work. I'm so sorry for all of it."

I felt the heat rising to my face. I didn't understand the meaning of his words. Why would he have asked me to come here? Suddenly, I felt so stupid, sitting here in my beautiful dress, wearing these stupid shoes that I would probably trip and fall in, when I got up to leave! I looked at him and the expression he wore was as confused as mine must have been.

"Did I say something to upset you?"

"Why are you telling me this?" I demanded, although it didn't sound very forceful.

"What are you talking about? I was apologizing to you." he said, seeming not to understand.

"I understand that. I just...I thought…" I took a breath. "Why did you ask me to come here?"

"I asked you here because I wanted to get to know you."

"But you said…you said that you were sorry…_for all of it_." I put the emphasis on the same words he had said. "And, I'm not." I said the last part so quietly, I wasn't sure he heard me.

Understanding registered on his face and he sighed. He reached across the table and took my hand. It was warm and wonderful, and I never wanted to stop touching him.

"Bella, I don't think I articulated myself very well. I don't know what it is about you. I lose all sensibility when I am in your presence. The things I mean to say come out wrong." He stroked the back of my hand with the pad of his thumb. "I _am _sorry that I disrupted you at your job, and I'm sorry that I created an uncomfortable situation for you in the last place you would have ever expected to see me." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze and smiled warmly at me. "With that being said, I need you to understand that I am certainly not sorry that I asked you to join me here tonight. I wanted that more than I could possibly explain to you. I just wish I could have done it in a more appropriate setting."

"So, you meant all the things you said today?" I asked without thinking.

He laughed.

"I meant every word, Bella. When I told you that I couldn't stop thinking about you, it was the absolute truth." His voice trembled slightly. It made him all the more endearing. "I was so afraid when I got up to leave your office that you were just going to let me walk out. You would have had every right to do so. But then…when you spoke…well…I was so happy to hear your voice."

"I was afraid that I was going to let you walk out." It was my turn to laugh. "I couldn't find the words I needed to make you stay."

"But, you did."

"Yes."

We sat there silent for an extended moment, just looking at each other, taking in what the other person had said. It wasn't uncomfortable, but the same tension that was always between us remained.

The waiter brought our food in, and Edward removed his hand from mine, reluctantly. This made me smile inwardly. The food was delicious, and we fell into an easy conversation over dinner. We talked about nothing in particular, just our tastes in music and literature. The music conversation was a bit surprising actually. Edward's tastes varied from classical to rock. Mine was very similar. It sounded like we had a lot of the same songs on our iPods. I found out that his favorite Beatle was Paul, and he found out that mine was John. This sparked a rather heated debate that ended with a truce. His favorite book was "A Farewell to Arms" and mine was "Pride and Prejudice". He made a joke about all women and their Austen fascination. I joked back that the same could be said of men and Hemingway. He asked how long I had lived in the city. I told him a little over nine months. He informed me that he had grown up here and had only left for the period of time that he was in college. I was beginning to feel completely comfortable. My pulse had even found a steady rhythm and my heart didn't feel like it was going to come out of my chest. I couldn't tell if was the wonderful and easy back and forth of our conversation, or the wine. I decided that it was probably a little bit of both.

The waiter came back in to take the plates away, once we were finished with our meal. I noticed for the first time, that there was piano music playing softly in the background. It was lovely. I closed my eyes momentarily to listen to it.

"I play, you know," Edward said.

"How would I know that?" I asked, smiling at him. The retuning smile he gave me was the same crooked smile that made my knees weak. Although, if I'm being honest, everything about him made my knees weak.

"I love to play. It has always been a source of passion, and at times, diversion for me."

"Diversion?" I asked.

"When I play piano, I can focus completely on the music...it centers me."

"I love piano music." I sighed. "It's a remarkable instrument."

"I agree, Bella. Tell me, why _you_ think so?" He wanted to know what I thought. I didn't know if I could explain it properly. He was the one who _actually_ played. What if he thought my reasons were childish? I thought about how to word it.

"Well…" I started. "…It's just that the piano has the ability to evoke so many emotions, depending on how it's played."

He leaned in as if to hear me more clearly, so I continued.

"It can be joyful and vibrant…or soft and relaxing. It can also be desperate and wanting…and it can be undeniably sexy."

His eyes visibly darkened as I said the last words.

I watched Edward rise from his chair. I was surprised by the movement. I thought we were having a really great conversation. I kept my eyes on him as he walked around the table until he stood behind me. I couldn't see him then, but I could feel him. He leaned down, and with one hand, he swept the hair away from the right side of my neck, leaving it exposed. The touch felt intimate and left a trail of goose bumps from my collarbone to my hairline. I could feel his breath on my neck and in my ear. It was exquisite. My heart was pounding and I was afraid to look back at him, for fear that he would move, and the moment would be over. And then, he whispered, directly into my ear. It was hot and moist and made me shiver.

"Bella, would you dance with me?"

I was so caught off guard by the question; I didn't know what to say. He was still there, his hand still holding my hair to the side, his velvety breathing still on my neck. I turned to him and looked into his eyes. They were dark like before, and penetrating. I swallowed, loudly.

"Right here?"

"Yes. I want to dance with you."

Even though it all felt surreal, like something from a movie, and even though I was wearing these damnable shoes, I couldn't find one cell in my body that didn't want to be held in his arms in that moment.

"Yes, Edward," I said, and he reached out and took my hand. "I will dance with you."

I stood up, with his hand in mine, and he led me over beside the table. He turned me around, so that I was looking into his eyes again. He placed his hand on the small of my back and pulled me close, our other hands clasped together. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to dance very well. I had never been a dancer, ever. But, as Edward began to lead us and pulled me closer, all of my worries melted away and I let the moment envelop me.

"Your fragrance is lovely, Bella." he whispered in my ear as he spun us around.

"Thank you," I managed to get out.

"I'm having a wonderful time tonight."

"Me too." I wondered if he noticed that I could only seem to speak two-word sentences.

I was astonished that I seemed far more graceful than I felt, and I knew it was all Edward. His hand kept me pulled flush against him, and I never once felt like I would trip. We continued this way until the song ended. Another one began, and I wasn't sure what to do, but his grip didn't loosen, so I took it as an invitation to remain there…in his arms.

"_I will have to tell you; you have bewitched me, body and soul."_ He said it so softly, that I almost couldn't hear it. I might have missed it entirely, had I not read the words so many times that they were memorized.

"Mr. Darcy." I smiled and he seemed to pull me closer.

"No, I'm Mr. Cullen." He chuckled and I could feel the movement of his chest against me.

"Ah, yes…Edward." I mused. "Another Austen favorite." I looked up at him. "Although, I think I was more partial to Colonel Brandon."

"Really?" He seemed surprised. "Why is that?"

"I think it was the way that he accepted Marianne, for who she was right away. He was never the obvious choice, to her at least, but he embraced her for who she was…never asked her to make any apologies for it."

"Is that what _you_ want, Bella?" he asked. "A man who won't make you apologize for who _you_ are?"

I didn't answer him. I didn't know how.

The song came to an end and Edward stopped moving. He didn't pull away from me though. We just stood there as he seemed to think about what we just said. After a moment, he reluctantly stepped back, still holding my hand. He walked me back to the table and sat down again.

"No one has ever quoted Austen to me." I said, because it was true, and also, because I didn't want the conversation to end.

"I'm glad I could be the first."

_The first, and hopefully the last. _I thought to myself. I blushed at the thought, but I couldn't tell if he noticed. I suppose, it didn't really matter at that point.

I felt like the night was coming to an end. I wanted to stay here with him, well, not necessarily here…anywhere would have been fine. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, so I waited, looking into his green eyes. He would have to make the next move. I would allow him to lead me in any direction that he wanted the rest this night to take.

"Bella, I've had a wonderful time tonight."

_I guess that means he's ready to go._

"Me too. Really, it's been so nice."

"May I walk you to your car?" Memories of last night flooded my mind, and I couldn't help but grin.

"That sounds familiar."

He looked like he was thinking about something.

"Well, if I remember correctly, you did list chivalry as one of my better qualities." He stood and took my hand as I lifted from the chair.

We walked out into the restaurant and he placed his hand on the small of my back like he had when we were dancing. His touch was unlike anything I'd ever felt. Each one was charged with this energy that resonated in every part of my body. We stopped to get our coats and he slipped mine over my shoulders. He held the door open for me and I walked outside. The cool air felt good against my face, since I had spent the majority of the night flushed. There weren't many cars left in the parking lot. I supposed we had been there longer than I thought. I didn't know what time it was. We arrived at my car, and I turned to face him. The wind was blowing slightly, causing his hair to look even more unruly than usual. I fought the urge to reach up and run my fingers through it.

"Thank you, Edward." I was nervous. He was standing so close. He reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"You have the most beautiful eyes." I instinctively looked away, I don't know why.

"Why are you looking away?"

"I don't know why." I said honestly.

"You are far too beautiful to ever be unable to accept a compliment," he said with conviction. "I would like to see you again, Bella. Maybe, call you sometime?" it was a question.

"I would like that."

I had an idea. I don't know what made me do this. I had seen it in a movie or something, and I thought it was cute.

"May I see your phone?"

"Uh...sure...yeah...why?" He reached in his coat pocket, pulled out his Blackberry and handed it to me. I immediately added my number and name to his contact list and handed the phone back to him, proud of myself for doing something so _smooth_.

"You have my number now. You can call me anytime you'd like." He laughed.

"Will you allow me to reciprocate?"

I feigned insult.

"I'm a traditional girl, Mr. Cullen." I gave him a cheeky smile. "I think that the man should call the woman." I winked, just to make sure he knew I was kidding.

"Oh, that shouldn't be a problem Ms. Swan…I was only giving you my number so that you would know it was me when I called you."

I laughed and handed him my phone. He promptly added his number, handed it back to me and I put it in my purse.

I stood there, with my back to the car. He was staring down into my eyes again and I wondered if he wanted to kiss me. I wanted him to. I felt like I had wanted it since the first moment I saw him in the bar. Without thinking, I took my bottom lip into my mouth. It was a little, nervous habit I'd had for as long as I could remember. He must have noticed it, because he reached out and stroked his thumb across my lip. His touch was so soft, but my lip tingled from the contact. His eyes left my mouth and made their way back up to mine. I was holding my breath, afraid to move.

"I want to kiss you Bella."

"Then, kiss me."

Before I had even finished speaking, his mouth was on mine with gentle little kisses. It was soft and tender. He held my face with both of his hands, gently stroking my cheeks with his thumbs. I parted my lips and took his bottom lip into my mouth, sucking gently. He groaned and opened his mouth and I felt his tongue slide into mine. It was the most exquisite thing I had ever felt. I reached up around his neck and twisted my fingers in his hair. He became more urgent then, our tongues sliding and pushing against each other. His hands dropped from my face and he placed them both on either side of my waist, circling around my back and pulling me closer. It was the most wonderful kiss I had ever experienced. I was panting by that point, and Edward pulled away from my mouth and leaned his face into the crook of my neck. He was whispering my name in my ear.

"I should stop."

I knew he was right, of course. Even though, I could have kissed him like that all night long. We were in a parking lot. He stepped back, still keeping his hands around my waist, my hands still in his hair. I just couldn't stop touching it. Once I finally looked at him, I saw that his full lips were swollen from the kiss. I had to fight the urge to kiss him again.

"Goodnight Bella." He sighed. "Thank you…for everything."

He leaned forward and kissed me on my cheek before pulling away.

"Goodnight Edward."

He opened my car door and I slipped inside. He bent himself at the knees so he was at eye level with me.

"I will call you…I want to see you again."

I wanted to tell him to come home with me so that he could continue kissing me senseless. But, I had decided that I was letting him lead. So, I just sighed and reached out to stroke his cheek one last time before I spoke.

"I would love to see you again as well…I look forward to your call."

With that, he closed my door and stepped away from my car…for the second time in two nights.

As I pulled out of the parking lot away from him, I felt his absence immediately. Even though, I could still feel the remnants of his kiss on my mouth, it was like something was missing without him there. I hadn't felt like this…ever. The realization of that surprised me. I had dated my fair share of men, but not one of them had ever affected me the way that Edward seemed to. I didn't know what it was about him that pulled me like a magnet. I only knew that I was willing to find out.

When I got to my building, just as I was walking through the door, my phone rang. I figured it was Alice. I almost let it go to voicemail, but I thought she might need to let me know something about her arrival tomorrow. I looked at the call screen…and it was Edward. I couldn't answer it fast enough.

"You said you'd call, but I think this might be a record."

"_Is it too soon?"_

"Not at all. I was actually just thinking about you."

"_I hope they were good thoughts."_

"They were."

"_Bella, I know it's late, but I still want to see you."_

Before I had time to think it through, I spoke. "Do you want to come over?"

"_Would you mind that? I would be willing to meet you somewhere else, a bar maybe?"_

"Well, if you don't want to come over here…"

He interrupted me. _"It's not that I don't want to, I just don't want to impose."_

"It's no imposition Edward. Really, I don't care if you come over." In that moment, I knew I really didn't care. I would never have invited a man to my house on the first date. But, Edward was different. "I want you to come over."

"_Then, I'll come over."_

************

A/N

First things first: I really wasn't planning on leaving you guys with a cliffhanger…I swear! It's just that the chapter was already so long and it was the best stopping point.

I hope you like the story so far; it's been fun to play with them a little bit. Please review and let me know what you think. Major lemons ahead…and I might need you to earn them.

As always…thanks to everyone who is reading this so far. And even BIGGER thanks to those who have put it on alert and added it to your favorites. You all rock!


	5. The Jacket

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 5

I sent Edward a text to give him my address. Not two minutes later, my phone chirped with a reply.

_Enjoying the anticipation, but not as much as I will enjoy the reunion. See you in a few. –E_

I had to read it again, because _really_, who is that eloquent in everyday life? I smiled at the thought that Edward might just be that person. After all, he had quoted Austen to me just a short while before. I was nervous. Too nervous. I decided to occupy my time with getting ready for him to be here. _In my apartment! _ I checked the fridge to make sure that I had a bottle of white wine already chilled. I did, so I took two glasses from the rack and put them on the table. I wanted to put some music on to play, but I wasn't sure what to choose. I knew that he like classical music, but I wasn't really sure if that was what I wanted. I decided on John Legend, and wondered if he would think that my choice was too obvious. I decided that since Edward played piano, he might appreciate another pianist. Even if he was a crazy-hot soul singer, and not Chopin. I checked my make-up and considered brushing my teeth, but I didn't think that the flavor of toothpaste would go well with the wine. There was nothing more that I could do except wait. And so, I did, with my pulse racing.

A few minutes later, they called to confirm that I was expecting a visitor. I told them I was, and had to fight against the immediate rush of anxiety that he was actually here. The door knocked a few moments later. I took a deep breath, steadied myself and went to open it. There he was, standing in the hallway. I might have gasped. I'm not sure. I could only concentrate on his presence. The first thing I noticed was that he had taken his jacket off and it was draped over his arm. I looked into his green eyes, he smiled down at me and I melted. I knew that if I didn't invite him in, I would throw myself at him in the hallway.

"Hey." I said because I couldn't really manage anything else.

I stepped to the side to allow him entrance. I asked if I could take his jacket and I placed it on the back of a chair in the foyer. We walked into the living room together and he turned to me, taking my hand in his.

"I thought about apologizing to you for calling you so quickly and all but, begging you to ask me to come over, however, I thought better of it." He laughed, and it sounded so easy. "We both know how well my last attempt at an apology went over. I didn't want to risk it."

"Smart man." I said as I laughed and led him over to the couch.

"Besides, how I can I possibly be sorry for anything that allows me to be here with you." He added.

I blushed.

He sat down on the couch and I offered him a glass of wine. I walked over to the table and opened the wine and poured two glasses. I watched him as he seemed to take in his surroundings. His eyes landed on a painting that I purchased while I was in Washington visiting my father a couple years ago. I loved it. It was done by a local artist in Seattle. I saw it while I was walking through Pike Place Market and bought it on a whim. It was actually an impression of the market, but done in bright, vivid colors. I walked back over to him with our wine and he asked about it.

"Where did you get this?"

I told him the story about how I found it and he seemed genuinely intrigued.

"It wasn't expensive, but there was just something I loved about it." I mused.

"It's really interesting."

"I think so." I smiled at him, pleased to find that he appreciated something that I loved.

I sat down on the couch next to him. I bent my knees and tucked my legs underneath me and angled myself towards him. I noticed him watching my legs as they moved and I watched his eyes as they lifted up, lingering on my chest. Maddeningly, I felt the blush creep from my face down my neck to my breasts. I leaned forward, slightly, hoping that my hair would fall forward and cover my reaction. He must have noticed, because his eyes immediately shot up to my face. It was then, that I caught a glimpse of the same pink covering his cheeks. I couldn't even be happy to see that he was blushing too, because all I could think about was that it was the same color it had been when he was kissing me earlier. And just like that, images of the kiss flooded my memory. My breathing spiked and once again, I fought the urge to reach out and pull him to me. He cleared his throat and spoke.

"Tell me something else about yourself."

I smiled. He was nervous too.

"What would you like to know?"

"Anything you'd like to tell me." He placed his glass on the table and turned to face me directly. "You said you've only been here for nine months. What brought you here?"

Well, that was an easy enough question. I was relieved. I could talk about my job. I took a drink of my wine and set it down as well.

"My job brought me here, actually. I got promoted and the company relocated me to this store." I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face before I added, "Well…you know. You've been there."

He chuckled, but I saw something similar to regret flicker in his eyes that I didn't quite understand. I figured it must have been about him coming to the store today, and I didn't want him to still feel bad about it."

"I know you're sorry about…_today_. But, honestly, I think we can move past it." I tried to give him a convincing smile. "_Clearly_, I am not upset about it."

"Thank you for that." he said tenderly, as he ran his fingers through his hair. "So, tell me about your job."

"Umm…well, I'm the VP and General Manager of my location. I've been with the company for a little over four years and I've moved with them three times now. I had two smaller stores before this one, but I'm assuming I'll be here for a while."

"Wow. Only four years. That's not a long time, to have earned the title of VP. That's pretty impressive. You must be sleeping with all the right people." He winked.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me! _

_What the hell did he mean by that?_

I felt that same familiar defensiveness that I always get, when I know people are making assumptions about how I achieved my success. It was irrational and something inside me understood that, but I just couldn't believe that Edward would say something like that to me. He didn't know me well enough to make that kind of statement! And he sure as hell didn't know anything about what my job entailed or how I got it. My whole body tensed, and I felt my posture changing from the relaxed position I had been in, to sitting up more directly. My breathing accelerated and I felt the hairs on my arms standing on edge.

"Not for nothing," I started, "but, would you mind explaining what you meant by that?" I asked, fuming.

"What do you mean?" he asked, obviously perplexed by my change in tone and demeanor.

"I mean, that's a pretty condescending statement you just made!" I laughed indignantly. "How would you know how long it takes for someone to earn that title?" Even as I spoke the words, I knew that I was partially wrong for the way I was reacting.

_Partially_.

I _was_ promoted quickly, but who the fuck was he to question it? He was no better than everyone else who thought I'd slept my way into this position. I might have to quietly put up with that shit from other people that worked for my company, but I didn't have to put up with it here…_in my home_…from someone who didn't really know me at all!

"Bella, I wasn't trying to be condescending." His eyes looked concerned. They should have been. "It was a joke."

"A joke!" I all but screamed.

I resolved myself, in that moment, to tell him exactly what I thought. I was going to do it. I stood up from the couch, because I would not be delivering these words sitting down. He stood up too, and that was okay. I didn't care what he did now.

_That's not true. I did care. Even then._

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen! I don't know who you think you are, but you have _absolutely no right_ to question me in that manner! You don't know _anything_ about me, other than the fact that I like to read Jane Austen and drink white wine and martinis!"

_Okay…that didn't make me sound good._

His eyes were wide and his mouth fell open. I continued. "Furthermore, I don't know what kind of man would make '_a joke'_…I spat his words at him. "…like that to a woman he doesn't even know! Unless…that's the kind of woman you think I am!"

_Oh God! That _is_ the kind of woman he thinks I am!_

That pissed me off even further. Hot tears began to form in my eyes, but I wasn't done yet. "I might have invited you here tonight, and maybe that says something about my character, but you should know that I've never done that before!" The tears were running down my cheeks and mascara was burning my eyes.

_Why did I tell him that?_

"I've worked my ass off to get where I am today! I have had to put up with snide remarks and backhanded comments, all said by people who are far less intelligent and capable than me!" He tried to say something, but I continued and raised my voice a little louder. "I have integrity in _every_ aspect of my life." I tried to look directly in his eyes, even though it was difficult to see through the tears that kept forming. "And even if I didn't, who the fuck are _you_ to judge _me_?"

Too many thoughts were running through my head and I was speaking before I could process everything that was coming out of my mouth.

"I don't care if you are the most beautiful man I've ever met!"

_Did I just say that?_

"I don't care if you can quote the entire, goddamned, collective works of Jane Austen!"

_Shut up, Bella!_

"And, I don't care if you gave me the absolute best fucking kiss of my entire life!"

_Fuck._

My hand went up to my mouth as I gasped. My body was visibly trembling from the sheer anger coursing through my body and the shock of the words that I had just said. Edward just stood there…staring. He didn't say a word. He didn't even make an attempt. He might have been afraid. I'm not sure. Time seemed to stand still, and I'm not even sure I was breathing. I could hear my heart pounding and I felt dizzy from all the yelling. I looked down and noticed that the front of my dress was completely soaked through from my tears. I watched as more tears…_my tears_…fell silently to add to the stain. Then, suddenly, I felt a sob rip from my chest.

Before I realized what was happening, Edward was in front of me. He brought his hands up to my face, cupping it gently. "Bella, I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry." I couldn't look at his face. I was angry. I was hurt. And then, I got angrier _because_ I was hurt. I could still hear him murmuring his words of apology in hushed sounds. I felt his breath on my face. It felt cool against the heat of my tears. Unconsciously, I began to lean into him…my body craving the comfort that he was offering, but I stopped myself. I finally looked at him, his hands still on my face, and he had tears in his eyes.

He.

Was.

Crying.

_Well, fuck him!_

_How dare he cry?_

"Get out." I said firmly.

"What?" Shock crossed his face.

"Get out!" I said louder.

He didn't drop his hands, so I pushed him away from me.

"Please, just let me explain." He asked desperately.

"What do you want to explain to me exactly?" I seethed. "That you think I'm a whore, or that you think that it's okay to joke about me being a whore? Which one is it, Edward?" I demanded, "Which of those two guys do you want to be?" He looked shocked at the words I'd just said.

"Bella, I don't think those things. How could I possibly? You are beautiful, and wonderful, and passionate, and intelligent." He looked at me with such sincerity, I almost believed him. "I forget to breathe when I share the same space with you!"

I stilled at his words.

"How could you say that to me?" I asked, hating the pleading tone to my voice.

"Bella, it was a disrespectful thing to say, and I'm ashamed to have said it." He sighed loudly and stared deep into my eyes. The emotion that I saw reflected was intense…raw. "The only reason I…" he took another breath, as if to give himself time to gauge my reaction. "…_joked_ about it, was because I knew it was completely untrue." He let out the rest of his breath in a whoosh. "How could it be true?" he asked. "How could you possibly think that I believed _that_ to be the truth?"

And with those words, I was crying again. I didn't even have enough strength to be angry anymore. I wanted him to leave because he hurt me…and because I didn't want him to see me cry tears _over him_. I wanted him to stay because I knew if he left…_this_ would be over. I wanted to cry harder because I didn't know what '_this_' was…and it made me sad to realize that we would never get the opportunity to find out.

"I'll go, Bella." He said in a dejected tone. "I just couldn't leave with you thinking that I thought those things about you." He nervously, reached a trembling hand out and stroked my face and wiped away the remaining tears. The same energy that was always between us was still there. I felt it spark. "For what it's worth, I want you to know that I think you are exceptional in every way. I deeply regret allowing those words to come from my lips and hurt you." His voice grew thick with emotion. "I will continue to regret every single day going forward, that I don't get to know another remarkable thing about you." He leaned forward and tenderly kissed my tearstained cheek. "If I could take it all back, please understand that I would." With that, he turned to walk to the door.

I watched him walk to the door. Part of me wanted to run to him and make him stop. Part of me was afraid that I would never find the same connection that I'd had with this man, _ever again_, with anyone else. Part of me was still pissed that he'd said such a hurtful thing – even if it was in jest. Part of me was too embarrassed to admit that I had overreacted, and part of me was too proud to ask him to stay and let us work it out. That was the part of me that won…my stupid pride. He reached the door and paused. I wondered if he was going to ask to stay. He didn't. Instead, he turned back to me and said with conviction, "Bella, you were _fucking amazing_ when you stood up to me tonight!" And just like that, he was out the door and it closed behind him.

I stood there in the same spot for an immeasurable amount of time, just looking at the closed door. I was in shock. I couldn't comprehend that this was how the night ended. And then the realization of what just happened, hit me like a ton of bricks. It wasn't just the night that had ended. Edward and I had come to an end…before we ever really had a chance to begin. I thought about Edward. I thought about myself. We had both been in the wrong tonight. The only difference was that he owned up to what he'd done. He apologized and said sweet, beautiful things to me to try and make it better. I reacted to him in the most defensive and adolescent manner possible and he stood there and listened to every word I said. Not only that, he also stood at my door and told me that I was 'fucking amazing' for doing it. I couldn't think about it anymore. It was too sad, and I felt emotionally drained from tonight.

When I turned to pick up the wine glasses and put them in the sink, I saw it. His jacket was still on the back of the chair. He'd left it in his attempt to get out quickly. I walked over and picked it up. It smelled like him and I wanted to wrap myself up in it. I decided to take it down to the lobby. I was pretty sure that he would come back to get it, but I didn't really want to be there for the confrontation. I walked out into the hallway and down towards the elevator. As I approached the elevator, I saw him. He was sitting on the floor to the left, his back to the wall and his knees bent. His head was down and his hands were clasped, draping over his knees. He didn't see me at first, so I stood there quietly to watch him. He didn't look up. He just sat there shaking his head as he looked down. I stood completely still; I didn't want to startle him. He must have sensed me though, because just then, he looked up.

When Edward looked up and into my eyes, I could see every emotion that was coursing through me, reflected back in his green eyes. I wanted to run to him. He lifted himself off the floor, but didn't make an attempt to come forward. He spoke softly.

"Bella…I…I just…I just couldn't leave." He sighed. "I just couldn't leave…because I knew it would be over."

I stared at him, hearing nothing but the beating of my own heart. It was so loud and fast, I felt like he could hear it from where he stood. I knew that I would have to be the one to make the attempt…to close the distance between us, both physically and emotionally. He had already said so much, and he was still here. That alone, was more than I had given him. I felt my tears spill out again, and he must have misread their meaning, because he started to apologize again.

"I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry." He whispered.

_I had to do this._

_I had to make this right._

"No." I said. "Stop."

He was immediately quiet, still looking at me, his breathing heavy. I couldn't think I just had to act. I dropped the jacket and I ran to him. It was only six steps, but I ran so hard that I crashed into him. His arms circled around my waist and my hands were in his hair. We were both whispering words of apology and regret that sounded like nonsense as they escaped our mouths. I looked into his eyes and I was done. I was his. What happened tonight didn't matter. What happened tomorrow wouldn't matter either. I know he felt it too, because his eyes were still the same mirror of my own.

I didn't wait for him to kiss me this time. I pulled his face down to mine and my lips found his. It wasn't graceful or soft, but to me, it was perfect. He moved his hands up, placing one on my face and the other in my hair. Our lips moved together and I moaned into his mouth, allowing his tongue entrance into mine. He pushed me up against the wall behind us as I pulled him closer to myself. Our bodies were flush against each other and we were both desperately trying to get closer. My hands hooked underneath his shoulders as his hands made their way down my sides and over my hips. I felt his hands on my ass, and then he lifted me up. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around him and leaned back into the wall. He pulled his lips from mine and kissed down my neck and chest. It was hot and wet and urgent…and it was the most amazing feeling I had ever known.

I was vaguely aware of where we were, but Edward seemed to notice something.

"Bella, we need to go inside." He smiled against my neck. "We're in your hallway."

"I don't want you to let me go." I said honestly, timidly, afraid that if we stopped, the moment would be gone forever.

"I won't." his voice was strained but his eyes were soft. "I promise. I won't let you go." I wondered if there was a double meaning behind his words. I couldn't tell. It didn't matter.

He pulled me away from the wall, keeping his hands underneath me, and I wrapped my legs around him tighter and circled my arms around his neck. He began walking back to my apartment as I kissed and licked his neck. I noticed his jacket sill on the floor of the hallway.

"Your jacket, Edward." I was panting.

"I don't fucking care." He growled. "I'm not letting you go!"

His words went straight to my core, sending a rush of moisture between my legs. I pressed myself to him further, realizing that he was as desperate for this as I was. I could feel the evidence of his arousal through the layers of our clothing and that made me push into him harder. He opened the door with one hand, still supporting me with his other. He was kissing me the entire time. Once we were inside, he kicked the door shut and pressed me back into it. He pulled away from my mouth and lowered his head, licking from my chin, down between my breasts. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, enjoying the way he felt.

"Look at me." He said directly. My eyes shot up to meet his and they were dark. His breathing was jagged.

"I don't want to take you here against the door, Bella." He pushed my hair away from my face. "I don't want to do anything that you don't want to do."

"Edward…I…I want this." I panted. "I feel like I've been waiting for this…" I wanted to say forever. I couldn't. He would think it was too much. "…for so long."

His mouth was on mine in an instant. He was kissing me so hard I felt as if my mouth was going to bruise. I didn't care. I returned his kiss with all of the force he was giving me. He bit my bottom lip softly and I sucked on his top. My hands fisted in his hair causing him to groan into my mouth. He pulled me away from the door and into the living room. I knew he was taking us to the couch, but that wasn't where I wanted him. I pulled away from the kiss and he whimpered at the loss.

"Please, Edward." I said, stroking his cheek. "My bedroom."

"Oh God, Bella." His voice was raspy. "I need you…so fucking much."

He lowered me to the floor, never taking his hands from my body and I led him to my bedroom. Once we were inside, I was nervous. Not about being with him, I wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything. My body ached to be with him, to have him inside me. I was nervous that this would be it. We would make love tonight, and we would be done. I decided in that moment that it didn't matter. One night was more than I could have hoped for. He stood behind me and pulled my hair to the side, like he had earlier tonight before we danced. He didn't whisper this time, though. Instead, he placed his open mouth on my neck and began to suck me gently. It was hot and wet and beyond erotic. I reached my hands behind my head and found his hair. I pulled him closer and he slid his under my arms, sliding his hands across my breasts and cupping them gently.

I needed to kiss him again. As if he sensed what I needed, he turned me around to face him. I gasped at the beauty I saw in his face, the beauty and the raw need that he had for me. He grabbed the hair at the base of my neck and pulled my face to him. This kiss was gentler than the last one, but just as urgent. He used his lips to part my own and our tongues touched and caressed each other in a deliberate and delicate dance. My hands were on his chest stroking him softly. I moved them around his waist to pull him closer to me. He pulled his mouth from mine and looked at down at me through heavy lids.

"I need to see you."

"Please." It was all I could manage.

He slowly lowered himself in front of me, ghosting his hands down my sides and thighs. When he reached the hem of my dress, he grabbed it and lifted it upwards, bringing himself up with it. I lifted my hands and he pulled the dress off my body and over my head and arms. He lowered the dress in one hand, grasping it tightly. His knuckles were white from the fist he made. Then, he just dropped it and it fell silently to the floor. I stood before him in just my bra and panties. I knew that a flush covered my body, but I didn't feel self-conscious. He was looking at me with desire, and for the first time, I felt like the most beautiful thing in the world. No man had ever looked at me like that.

"You are beyond exquisite." He rasped. "God, Bella!"

He reached behind me and made quick work with the clasp of my bra, releasing my breasts from the enclosure. He cupped one in his hand while flicking my nipple that had already pebbled from his touch. He took my other breast in his mouth, sucking gently and licking the peak with his tongue. I gasped from the sheer pleasure of what he was doing to me. I felt the moisture pool between my legs and I knew it was seeping from my panties onto my thighs. I squeezed my legs together just for the friction it created.

I began to unbutton his shirt and pull it from the waist of his pants. I fumbled with his belt and the button of his pants while Edward stepped out of his shoes. I mimicked what he had done moments earlier, by lowering myself in front of him while I pulled his pants down with his boxers. I watched as his erection sprang free and his cock was beautiful. My god was it beautiful! It was long and thick and very hard. There was a drop of moisture on the tip of his head, and I wanted nothing more than to take it into my mouth while I was on my knees in front of him. He kicked his pants to his side and I looked up to his face. I wanted to ask him if I could take him in my mouth, but I wasn't sure how to do it. I'd never asked a man if I could suck him before. The only other person I had done this with, had always asked me, and I didn't really like doing it with him.

"Edward." I said. My voice trembled. "I want to taste you."

"Bella, you don't have to…"

"I…I want to." I said.

He didn't say no, so I took it as an invitation. My pulse was racing. What if he didn't like it? I pushed that thought away leaned forward, placing my hands on his naked thighs. His skin was smooth under his hair. I lightly grazed his legs with my fingernails and his body shuddered as he let out a gust of air. I took my index finger and ran it along the bottom of his cock until I was at his base. I circled my palm around the base and opened my mouth, allowing my tongue to lick the tip of his head so that I could taste the fluid that glistened there. He hissed at the contact and I wasn't sure if I had done something wrong. I looked back up at him and he was staring down at me with the most intensity I had ever seen. His eyes looked black. My courage grew and I leaned forward again, this time, taking the head of his cock in my mouth. His taste was amazing. It was salt and musk and earth and _him_. I began sucking lightly, opening my mouth wider so I could take more of him in my mouth. My tongue was drawing circles around his head and the moistness of my mouth was making it easier for him to slide in deeper.

"Bella…oh…oh God…Bella…" he was murmuring. "So beautiful…oh God…"

His hands were in my hair and I felt like he was trying not to push me onto him further. I started sucking harder and he groaned. He pulled my head back with my hair gently.

"Bella." His voice was rough. "Bella…please…you're going to make me come…and I want to be inside you when that happens."

He lifted me off the floor and sat me on the edge of the bed. My chest was heaving and my breathing was coming in small pants. He was standing before me and looking at me with what I could only call…adoration. He ran his hands down my arms and back up my stomach to my breasts. He gently pinched one of my nipples and the sensation made shiver.

"Lay back on the bed, Bella." He said in a firm tone that sent a new flood of moisture into my panties.

I did as he asked, my body was radiating with anticipation. I felt him hook his fingers in the sides of my panties and I lifted slightly to allow him to slide them off. He took my ankles and pushed them back, causing my legs to bend at the knees. He spread my knees apart as he crawled on the bed between them. I watched as he took a single finger and slid it between my folds. That touch alone, was almost enough to make me come right then. I whimpered, not being able to form a sentence.

"You're so wet for me."

He began stroking my sex gently. Soft and methodical.

"So fucking wet."

He slid a finger inside and started pumping in and out slowly. I felt him add another finger as he continued the same process. He was a genius with his hands. It made me remember that he said he played piano. My fantasy had never done him justice. I could have never imagined this.

"Bella…Jesus…so beautiful."

I don't know if it was his words or what he was doing with his fingers, but the moment his thumb grazed my clit, I came quickly and hard.

"Fuck me!" I cried, unable to control myself.

He held his hand motionless while I came, his fingers still curled inside me as I rode out my orgasm. My whole body was shaking and I needed to feel him closer to me…inside of me.

"I intend to…Bella." He said with his husky voice.

I lifted my hands to him and pulled him down closer to me. His mouth was on mine kissing and sucking and biting my lips gently. My hands were fisted in his hair and I couldn't get close enough to him. He moved from my mouth to my neck and down to my breasts. He was whispering my name and I might have been calling out his. I was too far gone to know. He moved up to hold himself above my body, his palms on either side of my shoulders. I felt his breath on my face and the physical need I had to feel him inside of me was more intense than anything I had ever experienced.

"I need to be inside of you Bella." He said with urgency.

"Oh, God!" I cried. "Me too…I need you too!"

He moved his hand down to his cock and I spread my legs out further to accommodate him. He stroked me with his tip, coating him with my moisture.

"Look at me." He commanded softly. "I want to see your eyes when I enter you."

My eyes met his, and I knew that there would never be anyone else in the world but him. I felt him begin to slide in. It felt tight…I felt full. I gasped at the sensation. I was stretching and he was filling me. I felt his pelvic bone against my own and I knew he was inside me completely. He stilled himself, allowing me to get used to his size. I was throbbing at my core. We never broke eye contact. It was intense and passionate, and he became more beautiful in that moment than he had ever been. He began moving in and out of me slowly. I was whimpering and writhing underneath him.

"You're amazing…you feel…god…so wet…hot…around me…god…Bella!"

I felt my legs wrap around him. I wanted to pull him closer. His hands were on my breasts, squeezing and stroking. His movements became thrusts and I felt my body heat with slow, creeping warmth. He leaned down to kiss me, still maintaining constant contact with my eyes. When he lifted his head I couldn't help saying his name…over and over. I had never experienced anything like this.

"Never before…never before you." I cried out.

My body was pushing up to meet him in frantic need. His thrusts were deeper and faster now. He moved his hand down to where our bodies were joined and began to circle my clit with this thumb, his other hand around my back pulling me closer. I felt it approaching and I knew he did too. It was like I was standing at the edge of a cliff…ready to drop off. I was crying loudly, screaming even. I wanted to close my eyes, but I didn't want to break the contact we had maintained.

"Come for me Bella!" he cried. "Come with me!"

I felt my muscles clench around him. It was the most divine feeling. Light exploded behind my eyes as I finally closed them reflexively. It was almost too much to contain. I felt Edward release into me as he collapsed on top on my body. He stayed inside me as we both came down from the experience of our lovemaking and intense climax. It took a minute for everything to come back into focus. It wasn't until then, that I realized I was crying. Edward was stroking my hair, and still clinging to me.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Are you hurt?"

The very idea that I was hurt, after what we just did, made me laugh.

"No, no…not at all." I said reassuringly. "It's just…so much…I've…it's…it's never been like that before…for me."

He pulled me closer to him in a tender embrace and kissed the top of my head. I could feel his heart beating and the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I felt whole and complete. It didn't matter if this was all he would be willing to give me. This, one night, would be enough. I looked at the clock and realized that I had to get up for work in three hours. I didn't want him to go, but I didn't know if he would want to stay.

"Will you…" I started, but got nervous.

"Will I what?" he asked.

"Nothing. Never mind."

"Bella, I would do anything for you." He said, and sounded sincere.

"Will you…umm…will you stay with me?" I finally managed to get out. "Tonight?"

He chuckled.

"You thought I would be going somewhere?" It was a question. "Not likely, Bella." He sighed and I relaxed. "There's nowhere else I would rather be, than right here with you."

I didn't know what the morning would bring. I told myself it didn't matter. I allowed myself to wrap up underneath the covers on my bed, next to Edward's naked body holding mine. For once, I didn't need a pillow.

******

A/N

Okay so I know it was a long one, but these two just wouldn't let me have it any other way.

This is my very first lemon…and I'm slightly freaking out about it. I hope it didn't disappoint.

Please review and let me know what you think.

I know Bella seemed a little bi-polar in this chapter, but poor Edward just pushed her biggest button without even knowing.

Reviews are better than Edward taking you up against a wall!

HUGE thanks to everyone who is reading and adding to favorites and alerts. Seriously…You really are awesome!


	6. Old Friends and New Ones

_A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight._

_No copyright infringement is intended._

Chapter 6

It's remarkable that when something truly big is happens; we will often focus on the smallest things. Edward was asleep in my bed, holding me. I could feel his warm breath on my neck and the rhythmic beating of his heart against my back, yet all I could concentrate on, was the soft glow of the alarm clock on my nightstand. I watched as the time changed from six-fourteen to six-fifteen, just as I had watched the last eleven minutes go by. Forty-five minutes was all I had. Forty-five more minutes to lie here in his arms…and I couldn't stop looking at the clock.

A few minutes later, I felt him stir in his sleep. It was six-nineteen. His breathing hitched and his heartbeat sped. The full length of his body extended as he stretched his muscles that were, most likely, tight from sleeping. His arms relaxed and instinctively wrapped back around me. He was awake. I wondered if I should let him know that I was, as well.

Before I could decide, he pressed his lips in a kiss to my ear and whispered, "Good morning."

My body shivered in response as I leaned my head back into him. "Good morning." I whispered back. He nuzzled into my hair, inhaling deeply and pulling me closer.

"What time is it?" he asked. His voice was still thick with sleep.

"Six-twenty-one." I giggled at the realization that I was still looking at the clock.

"Is that funny?" I felt his corner of his mouth lift in a smile against my cheek.

"Not the time, just the clock." I sighed, giving no other explanation. "I have to get up soon to get ready for work."

"When?" he said with a groan.

"We have a little while, about thirty minutes, or so."

I felt his hand move from my waist and he dragged his fingers lightly up and down my arm. We were both quiet now and I wondered what he was thinking about. Did he regret what happened last night? Did I regret it? I'd never really had a one-night-stand. Was that was this was? As I considered the idea of that, I felt his fingers trail down my arm one more time before they slipped into mine, clasping our hands together. The way he was touching me felt intimate, personal. I suppose you couldn't get more intimate than we had already been, but as I felt his thumb gently trace circles on my palm, my mind recognized that this was a _different_ kind of intimacy. A kind that I was unfamiliar with.

"Do you want to talk?" he asked, his fingers still twined with mine.

Did I want to talk about it? I wasn't sure. I still hadn't processed completely what happened between us just hours before. I didn't know if I _could_ talk about it yet. I had too many emotions flowing through me. I could still remember, with staggering clarity, the way he felt as he moved inside of me…how close we had been in those moments. The connection had been intense. Much more so than anything I'd ever experienced with another man. Instead of answering him, I rolled myself over until I was facing him. He shifted his arms allowing me to place my head against him, my arms wrapping around his waist. I breathed in his scent deeply and sighed into his chest.

I finally spoke, my voice muffled next to him. "No, I don't want to talk yet." He gathered me closer to the warmth of his naked body, pressing a kiss into my hair, silently agreeing to my request.

We stayed like that together, quietly holding onto each other. He didn't ask any more questions. Maybe he had none; maybe he knew I didn't have any answers. Instead, he did little things that allowed me to believe that he wanted to be there, like rubbing gentle circles on my back or kissing the top of my head like he'd done before. I responded in a way that made me certain that he would understand that I wanted to be there with him as well. My pulse would quicken with each chaste kiss, my body would relax further into him with each sweep of his hand. I lost myself completely in the quiet haven of his arms, wishing that it didn't have to end, but fully understanding that it would.

When it was necessary for me to get up, I lifted my eyes to him and pushed the hair from my face. "I need to take a shower." I sighed in resignation. "You can stay here and rest while I get ready." I said, but then doubt flooded my mind. What if he didn't want to stay? He might want to leave. "Or…if you need to go?" I let the statement hang in the air; I wanted to give him an out. I didn't want this to be awkward for him…for either of us, really.

"I'll stay." He said quietly. "I want to."

As I got up out of the bed, I was suddenly, acutely aware that I was nude. I don't know why it embarrassed me so much. He'd already seen _and_ touched my entire naked body. I flushed at the memory. I walked quickly to the bathroom, stumbling on the carpet once. I hoped he didn't see it, but I was sure he had. I shut the door behind me and quickly turned on the water to heat up.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was a mess! My hair was all over the place, but I couldn't really find it in me to be upset about it because it was evidence that Edward had been running his fingers through it. That made me smile. I had no traces of any make-up left on my face, with the exception of the dark smudges of mascara under my eyes. After I washed my face and brushed my teeth, I got into the shower. I showered quickly; the spray of the water was enough to energize me. Today was going to be long since I'd only gotten a little over an hour of sleep. I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. I wrapped myself in the towel and walked back out into my bedroom.

Edward was still lying on my bed, the sheet covering only the middle of his body. _Damn! He was beautiful! _He looked up at me and smiled. If he was feeling self-conscious in any way, it didn't show. I smiled back at him and asked if he wanted a cup of coffee. I would usually go to Starbucks, but I could make some if he wanted.

He patted the bed and motioned for me to sit next to him. "Thank you, but no." he said, once I sat on the bed. "I should probably be getting ready to go too." I realized that I hadn't thought about him needing to go to work. Come to think of, I didn't even know what it was that he actually did. It was a little too late to worry whether he had a job or not, I thought to myself with a laugh. I thought about asking him, but I realized that I didn't really have time to begin another conversation.

"Did you want to shower here?" I asked.

"Thank you, but I should go home." He smiled and added, "I don't have any clothes here."

A fleeting thought of his jacket that was left on the floor of the hallway made me blush. I wondered if it was still out there. He interrupted my thoughts by reaching over to take my hand in his.

"I want to see you again, Bella."

"Really?" I asked, cursing myself internally for sounding shocked.

"Yes, really, don't look so surprised." He squeezed my hand. "Can I see you tonight?"

I was so excited that he wanted to see me again, I responded immediately. "I would love that." Then I remembered that Alice was coming and she would be here at six. I couldn't stand her up, besides; I _really_ was looking forward to seeing her. Since I'd moved here, I rarely got any time with my best friend. I missed her terribly. "Oh my god! I forgot. I can't tonight, Edward." I said, looking at him. He looked disappointed, nervous maybe.

"Oh." He said dejectedly. "Did you already have plans?"

"It's just that my best friend is flying in today to spend the weekend with me. I haven't seen her in a while and I can't just ditch her. I really have missed her." I explained. "You understand, don't you?" I implored him with my eyes.

He seemed appeased with my response; the smile came back into his eyes. "Of course I understand that."

"Technically…" I started before I thought through what I was saying. "She's coming here to help me find you."

_Damn it!_

I wanted to suck the words back into my mouth as soon as they'd escaped.

He looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean?"

I explained how I'd told Alice about him on Wednesday night after we'd met at the bar. I even told him about how she said that she was going to be my 'wing person' and we were going to see if he came back. I was blushing furiously and he seemed altogether too amused by my words.

"So, technically…" he used my word. "_Technically_…you're supposed to find me tonight, then?" He grinned, and I found that not all of his smiles made my knees weak. Some of them annoyed me, if only slightly. He was enjoying this too much.

"I suppose so." I said in the most bored tone I could manage.

"So, what if you found me tonight, then?" he asked. I could see the plot forming in his head.

"Well, while that might be fun, I wouldn't want Alice to feel like a third wheel." I explained. "I never thought we'd actually find you anyway."

"I could bring someone too." He said quickly. "That way she wouldn't feel left out."

"Like who?" I asked.

"I have friends, Bella." He pretended to be insulted and I smiled.

"I'm not sure about this. Besides, I can't keep a secret. Especially from Alice. She'll know something is up."

"It will be fine." He said, completely pleased with himself and his plan. His eyes darkened momentarily. "I can't go the whole weekend without seeing you again." And with those words, I knew I would do whatever he wanted me to.

"Okay." I agreed. "Let's do it."

"I'll text you later to let you know where to meet us." He said. "Now you need to get ready for work."

I walked him to the door after he got dressed. He looked down at me in the open doorway and spoke softly.

"Last night…what happened between us…I can't even tell you, Bella. I know you're not ready to talk about it yet, and that's okay, because honestly, I have no words."

With that, he leaned his head down and kissed me, full on the lips. It was just as incredible as the first one. He turned to leave and I shut the door behind him…and just like him, there were no words.

******************

I made it through the first part of my day at work just fine. I was still buzzing from the energy of my morning with Edward and I really did have quite a bit to accomplish. Upon further examination, there were still some visual displays to be setup as well as some merchandising opportunities in a few departments. I met with Angela to let he know the expectation for the Monday walk-through with Michael and I had Lauren pull all the necessary reports for the business overview. I didn't want anything out of place for this visit. 4th Quarter needed to be strong, the store needed to trend up fifteen percent to comp sales in order to be profitable. The 1st Quarter had been rough in this location before I was placed here. I knew that my responsibility was to make this store turn a profit. No one expected me to do it in the first year, not even Michael. So, of course, that is exactly what I wanted to do. I had aspirations beyond my current career. I wanted to move up further. I wanted to eventually be a Regional VP like Michael. Performing well above expectation would bode well for my future growth in the company.

By a little after one, I knew that I was done. I was so tired that I wouldn't have been productive if I stayed. I was squinting my eyes to even read the emails and reports on my computer screen and the beginnings of a raging headache. I told Angela that I wasn't feeling well and that I was going to take a personal day and head home. As I was walking to my car, my phone chirped. I saw that I had two messages. One from Alice and one from Edward.

Alice's text read: _Everything is as scheduled here. I should be at your place by six. Hugs!_

I was glad to be heading home. I would need to take a nap before she got here. I would definitely need to be better rested for all of her energy this weekend. I wondered briefly about the news she'd said had to tell me. It must be about a man. She dated a lot, but maybe she'd met someone who was more important now.

I opened Edward's text and smiled.

_Meet us at the Top Shelf at 9:00. Can't stop thinking about you…still. Until tonight. –E_

When I finally got to my building, I'd decided that I was going straight to bed. Mr. Caplin met at the door with a smile.

"There was a delivery for you, Ms. Swan."

I didn't remember ordering anything online. I walked over to the front desk to get my package, but it wasn't a package. It was flowers. Beautiful pink peonies in a small vase. There was a card, but I didn't want to open it here. I had a pretty good inclination of who they were from. I smiled to myself as I picked up the flowers. They were truly beautiful. It didn't seem an obvious choice for flowers from Edward. Then again, nothing about Edward had been _obvious_.

When I got to my apartment, I put everything down and opened the card.

_The pink blush of these flowers is beautiful, but it pales in comparison to the beauty of yours._

I was stunned by his words. He really was this eloquent in real life. I sighed as I carried the flowers into my bedroom. I placed them on my nightstand and stripped out of my clothes and bra. My body felt heavy and all of my movements were delayed and exaggerated. I was too tired to even put on something to sleep in. I set the alarm next to my bed for five. That would give me enough time to get ready before Alice got here. I crawled into my unmade bed and pulled the covers around me. I was surrounded by Edward's scent. It was wonderful and I inhaled deeply before I drifted to sleep.

******************

It was six-fifteen and Alice still hadn't arrived. I figured I would give her another fifteen minutes before I called to see if everything was okay. I wished she would have let me pick her up from the airport, but then I wouldn't have been able to nap as long…and I'd needed the nap. I considered calling Edward to thank him for the flowers, but I decided that I would wait to tell him thank you in person. As I thought about Edward, I realized that there was a lot I didn't know about him. I thought about it a little this morning, but not in any great detail. Maybe tonight we would be able to get to know a little more about each other. I wondered what Alice would think about him, if she would like him. She would have to like him…right? Her opinion was very important to me. She was as close to family as anyone.

They called me from the front desk to let me know I had a visitor. I told them I was expecting her and to send her up. She bounded through the door without even knocking, dropping her bags and running over to me to give me a hug. She was the most exuberant person I'd ever known.

"Bella!" she exclaimed. "It's so good to see you!"

I hugged her back as tight as I could. "It's so good to see you to!" I exclaimed. "I can't believe you came in for the weekend."

"Well, I had to after what you told me." She giggled. "We're going to find your dream man." She pretended to swoon dramatically before adding, "I know he'll be there tonight."

"You're probably right." I tried to say as straight-faced as possible. I wondered if I should just go ahead and tell her everything. I wasn't any good at keeping secrets, _especially_ from Alice.

"That doesn't sound like you." Alice said seriously. "You're never _that_ optimistic."

"I'm just saying…with you leading the way, we're bound to run into him." I rolled my eyes to seem more like myself. She didn't buy it. I knew she wouldn't. "Okay, okay." I said. "I'll tell you everything."

We sat down and I filled her in on the whole story. From seeing him in the store, to the flowers on my nightstand. I didn't leave out anything, but I wasn't overtly descriptive about when Edward made love to me. That was too personal. That would always be just between the two of us. Alice listened intently, holding all commentary, which was completely wonderful…but also unlike her. She really was the best friend I could have ever asked for. Then, the questions started.

"So, let me get this straight." She said seriously.

"He quoted Jane _freaking_ Austen at dinner?"

"Yes."

"He kissed you after the date?"

"Yes."

"He called you before you got home?"

"Yes."

"He came over here?"

"Yes."

"You yelled at him?"

"Yes."

"You kicked him out?"

"Yes."

"And then you found him in the hallway and _fucked_ him?"

"Jesus, Alice!" I gasped. "It wasn't like that."

"Was it good?"

Instead of saying yes, I told her the truth. "It was _amazing_."

"Well then, we only have two hours to get ready for the evening out with Edward and his tag-along buddy who's meant to divert me."

"Okay!" I said excitedly. "No, wait! You said that you had some news to tell me."

"I do, although it's not near as exciting as you meeting the incarnation of Mr. _fucking_ Darcy." She chided.

"Well…what is it?" I asked.

"Nothing big…it's just that…I'm moving here!"

After we screamed and jumped up and down in my living room like two thirteen-year-old girls, Alice and I headed into my bedroom where she told me why she was moving here. Alice was a staff designer for a small contemporary brand of sportswear. We actually carried it in the store. She said that she'd been thinking about going to the corporate side for a while, and that she'd taken on a project to assist with brand development and marketing. They had been so pleased with her work; they offered her a position in public relations for the brand. Since the corporate office was located here in the city, she would be moving here in less than a month. I couldn't believe it. I was beyond happy that she would be living here! She said she was excited about her new job, and was really looking forward to a change of scenery.

We got ready together in my room. Much, to my surprise, Alice let me pick out my own clothing for the evening. I settled on a pair of Marc Jacobs dark skinny jeans with a pink silk jacquard ruffled top that buttoned down the back.

"I have to say, Bella," Alice began. "You've gotten much better with the clothing since college."

I told her thank you and that I was happy that she was able to teach me so much. I was going to wear ballet flats, but Alice vetoed those pretty quickly and made me wear these new black peep-toe booties, stating, in a very matter of fact tone, that men like women in heels.

She looked fabulous, of course. She wore fitted black pants and a cowl-neck oversized sweater that hung off of her shoulder. It was from her company's fall line. Then she put on these ridiculously scary pumps that put her almost to eye level with me. We touched up our make-up once more and her eyes caught mine in the mirror.

"You look hot Bella."

"Thanks." I said back. "You do too."

Alice looked at our reflections and added, "Fierce, fearless and strong."

I laughed. "I think that was a MAC campaign."

"You would know." She said in her airy voice. "Not that it makes it any less true."

*******************

We got to the bar at nine-fifteen. Alice said that being on time would make me look desperate. I was though…desperate, that is. Desperate to see Edward. It made me feel slightly pathetic. What was it about him that attracted me so completely? The feeling was so foreign to me. It made me feel out of control. And, I don't do _out of control. _She also told me that we absolutely could not approach them. "He will come to you." She'd said adamantly.

"You know," Alice began. "You're really gonna owe me for this Bella." We were just about to open the door to go inside.

"The friend is never_ ever_ hot." She said seriously.

"I know." I said sympathetically.

We both giggled and opened the door.

I had to force myself not to look for him. We walked up to the bar and sat down. I didn't know where he was, but I knew he was here. I could feel his energy. The bartender approached us and asked what we were having. Alice told him that she was having a Flirtini. "What's that?" I asked. "Vodka, pineapple and champagne." She said with a smile. "Sounds good." I said. "I'll have the same." We waited for our drinks and Alice looked around the room.

"Bella?" she asked. "Is Mr. Darcy blonde?"

"No. Why?"

"Because there us a tall drink of water staring at us…and he has the most delicious blonde hair."

The bartender brought us our dinks and we both took a sip.

"Well, it's definitely not him" I said. "Edward has bronze hair, it's almost copper."

"Great!" Alice said in an exasperated tone. "Of course, there's a hot man here and I have to make nice with _Mr. Darcy's_ friend."

"Please don't call him that." I pleaded with her. "What if he hears you?" She pretended to be pissed at the situation, but her laughter gave her away.

We took another drink and I wondered why he hadn't approached us yet. I didn't like this feeling of uncertainty. I wanted to look around the room to find him, but Alice told me that he _would_ come to me. This was all beginning to feel like a big game with too many rules. We couldn't get here on time; I couldn't talk to him first, or even look for him for that matter. I didn't like playing games.

I looked at Alice and was about to ask _her_ to look for him when the bartender came back over to us. "The gentleman at the end of the bar would like to know if you ladies would like another drink." My eyes shot up and met his beautiful green ones. I was momentarily overwhelmed with just the sight of him. I felt a physical _need_ to touch him, to feel him again.

"He can ask us himself, if he really wants to buy us another one." Alice said sweetly to the bartender. I watched him as he stood up slowly and walked towards us. He was wearing charcoal grey pants with a black v-neck sweater. It was simple and elegant and he looked like a walking advertisement for some menswear collection.

"He _is_ hot Bella." Alice said softly before he reached us.

"Good evening ladies." He said in his velvet voice. "I'm sorry to interrupt..." his eyes met mine. "But, it's nice to see you again Bella."

"It's nice to see you again too, Edward." I said, and then added. "Alice knows." He smirked at me before he broke out into a warm, beautiful smile. "I told you I can't keep a secret." Edward laughed, and the sound of it was something like music. Like ridiculously sexy music.

Alice distracted us by saying, "Yes, yes…I know all about you Edward." I realized that I had yet to formally introduce them.

"Edward, this is Alice, my best friend…Alice, this is Edward."

"Nice to meet you Alice." Edward said as he offered her his hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, too." She agreed.

Just then, another man approached. Edward motioned to him and I realized he must have been the friend that was joining us. He was very tall and handsome…and blonde. He was wearing dark denim pants with a plaid woven shirt under a blue and black cardigan. I wondered briefly, if this was the 'tall drink of water' Alice mentioned before. If it was, I might not owe her as much as we'd originally thought. I smiled to myself.

"Ladies, this is my friend Jasper. Jasper, this is Bella and Alice." Jasper extended his hand to both of us.

"Would you like to sit at a table, instead of at the bar?" Edward asked. "It might be easier to talk."

"Sure!" Alice said, as she hopped off of the bar stool. "Come on Jasper, let's go find a table and give these two a moment alone." She said suggestively before she gave us a wink. I laughed nervously, hoping that Edward wasn't too upset I'd told her about him.

Edward took my hand as I stood up. "You look lovely tonight."

"Thank you." I said as I blushed. That reminded me of the peonies. "And also, for the flowers. They were beautiful."

He leaned down and whispered, "You're welcome." before kissing me lightly on the cheek. It caused a shiver to run down my spine. I looked up at him, suddenly unsure about what to do next. He seemed to sense my awkward pause and gave me a reassuring smile. Then he placed his hand on the small of my back and led us back to where Alice and Jasper had found a table.

When we got to the table, Alice and Jasper were already talking and laughing with one another. They both seemed very comfortable and it made me happy. I really would have hated it; if she had gotten stuck with some guy she found completely unattractive, or worse, boring. Jasper didn't seem to be either of those things. Edward pulled out a chair for me to sit in and took the seat right next to mine. I was still unsure of myself, so I placed my hands in my lap.

Jasper and Alice finally seemed to take notice that we were at the table with them and Jasper turned to me and said, "So Bella, Edward tells me that you've only lived here for about nine months." I wanted to smile at the thought of him talking about me to his friend. "Um…yeah." I said lamely. I was usually far more articulate than this, so I focused and tried to have a normal, intelligent conversation. _I could be engaging._

"The city seems great so far, although I haven't really gotten to see much of it. I've been working a lot since I moved here."

"That's too bad. Maybe Edward could show you some of the highlights."

I felt Edward place his hand on my thigh, right above my knee. He didn't move his hand at all, but his touch still made my pulse race. He looked at me and said quietly, "I'd love to show you around." I felt like he only meant for me to hear him. I smiled at him, loving the idea that he wanted to spend more time with me.

Alice piped in. "So, how do you know Edward, Jasper?"

"Well, Edward's brother, Emmett is married to my sister, Rosalie." Jasper said. "That and we were roommates in college."

_Finally. _I thought. _I know something personal about him._

Alice and Jasper continued their conversation. She told him how we'd met our senior year of college and that we had also been roommates. Their conversation flowed easily as they talked about their jobs. Jasper was an associate at an architecture firm, which sent Alice into a whole other conversation about the elements of design. I felt Edward's hand begin to gently rub circles on my thigh and I felt a warming sensation creep over the lower half of my body. I looked up at him and the expression on his face seemed to say that he was well aware of my body's reaction. The sexual chemistry between us was palpable, but I really wanted to know more about this man that had consumed nearly every thought I'd had in the last two days. I could control myself. I knew I could! I took a shaky breath and forced myself to speak.

"What do you do, Edward?" I asked.

"Nothing terribly exciting." He replied. _Hmm…vague. _I waited for him to elaborate.

"My family has a philanthropic organization, The Carlisle Foundation." _I'd heard of that._ "We fund several social and educational programs, but our main focus is medical research and healthcare." I was impressed.

"That sounds pretty exciting to me." I said genuinely.

"Well, what the foundation does is pretty remarkable, but I am much more back of the house." He said, almost modestly. "I handle financial planning and investments and Emmett and I sit on the board with my parents."

"What made your family decide to start the organization?"

"That's really my father's story to tell." He said as he lifted his hand from my leg and took my hand. "Maybe you should ask him yourself one day."

_Did he just imply that he wanted me to meet his father?_

_No. He said maybe, he said one day…still vague._

I was so caught up in him and our conversation, I didn't hear Jasper and Alice say that they were going to go to the bar and get us some more drinks. I only noticed when they both stood up. I looked back at Edward and he was smiling but his eyes were intense.

"I couldn't stop thinking about you today." He said. "Last night was…so…just…"

"I know." I said, completely understanding what I thought he wanted to say. "No words." I said and gave him a knowing smile.

His eyes grew darker and my pulse sped.

"I had to leave work early. I just couldn't make it the whole day."

"At least you went to work." He laughed. "I just worked a little from home today."

"I had to take a nap when I got home." I thought about the smell of him on my sheets and I blushed. He looked at me and I couldn't help but feel like he knew what I was thinking about.

He nodded his head in the direction of Alice and Jasper at the bar and I looked over at them. "I think Jasper might be smitten with your friend. He's usually not this talkative."

"I think the feeling is mutual." I said, as Alice looked over at me and winked. I laughed softly.

"I'm glad you're here." He said tenderly, as he pulled my hand that he was still holding into his lap. It was the simplest statement that he could have made, but it made me want to crawl in his lap and kiss him.

"Me too…I mean…I'm glad you're here too."

I thought he was going to lean in and kiss me, but Alice and Jasper appeared at the table with our drinks and behind them was the bartender holding four shot glasses filled with clear liquid.

"Shots?" I exclaimed. "Are you guys serious with this?"

"Completely." Alice said, her eyes gleaming.

"What are we drinking to?" Jasper asked.

"I'll decide." Alice replied, handing each of us a glass and a sugar-coated lemon wedge.

"Lemon Drops?" Edward asked. "It's kind of girly, don't you think?"

"Not as girly as your sweater." She countered and both Jasper and Edward laughed uncontrollably.

"Okay." I said. "Let's do this."

We held up our glasses and Alice said, "Here's to old friends and new ones."

I tilted my head back and let the vodka slide down my throat. It burned and I sucked the lemon while squinting my eyes. I still had sugar on my lips and I licked them clean. I noticed Edward staring at me and I felt my face and chest warm.

"That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen." I heard Jasper say to Alice as she giggled.

Edward held my gaze and mouthed the words, "Not me." He put his hand back on my leg and stroked me, a little harder and higher than he had before. I had to remember to breathe.

We had two more drinks and Jasper and Alice had another shot. I declined, knowing that another one would have pushed me beyond tipsy, to completely intoxicated. The conversation at the table became much more animated throughout the evening and flowed effortlessly between the four of us. Edward continued to touch me under the table for most of the night, which was completely driving me crazy.

At some point, Jasper and Alice decided that they wanted to go dancing, but I knew that I would definitely not be up for that. I declined and Alice didn't protest too much. I knew it was because secretly, she wanted to spend some time alone with Jasper. Edward offered to drive me home in my car and gave Jasper the keys to his. They had apparently come together tonight.

As we were leaving, I pulled Alice to the side to make sure that she was sure she was okay. I didn't want her to feel like I was ditching her. She assured me that she was fine and told me not to worry so much. I gave her a spare house key from my key-ring, so she could come in when she got back later.

When we got outside, I watched as Jasper led Alice to Edward's car. He drove a silver Volvo. I was surprised. I thought he'd drive something a little sportier. He asked me for my keys and I reached in my purse to give them to him.

"I've never let anyone drive my car before."

"Well, I would let you drive, but I think you might be over the legal limit." He said with a smirk.

"I'm not drunk." I said, offended slightly.

"I hope not." He said as he stroked my cheek and then dragged his thumb across my bottom lip. My mouth opened slightly at his touch and without thinking, I licked his thumb. He took in an unsteady breath and said, "Let's get you in the car." His voice was low and gravelly.

Once we were both in the car, he turned to me without hesitation and pressed his lips to mine. I could taste traces of alcohol as his tongue found entrance into my mouth. Feeling empowered, either by the drinks I'd had or the way he reacted to me, I gently sucked his tongue. He groaned into my mouth and pulled back.

"I've wanted to do that all night."

I sat there, staring at him…panting. I couldn't form a sentence in my mind to say to him in that moment.

"Bella." He said; his voice still low. "Come home with me tonight."

******************

_A/N_

_HUGE thanks to my Beta MrsKatyCullen!_

_Please review and let me know what you think of the story so far._

_Reviews are better than Edward stroking your leg._

_Once again, thanks to everyone who is reading and adding to favorites and alerts! You guys make my day!_


	7. Full Disclosure

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 7

I didn't even think about it. No, there was no thought in my decision to go home with him. I would have followed him anywhere he asked me to go. Even through the haze of the alcohol, a part of my mind recognized just how ridiculous that seemed. I found it hard to concentrate on my thoughts because as Edward was driving, he was reaching over the console to touch me, squeezing my hand or stroking my leg like he had earlier at the table. I could feel my arousal; I was dripping with my need for him. I wanted to reach out and stroke him too, needed to feel his body's reaction to me.

I turned in my seat to look at him. His eyes glanced over at me briefly, then back to the road. Tentatively, I reached across to him, placing my open palm on his chest. I felt him take in an unsteady breath as his heart rate quickened. I smiled at the physical response I discovered. It wasn't so much different from my own.

"You feel it too," I said, surprised by my honesty.

"Every time." He reached his hand up and held it over mine. "I feel it every time I'm around you."

"What do you think it means?" I questioned, not really sure what I wanted to hear him say. I found it easier to ask the question in the dark of the car, when he wasn't intently meeting my eyes.

"I don't know what it means," he said quietly. "I just…Bella…it's just…I only know that I want you."

"I want you too, Edward."

When we reached his building, he parked my car and came around to open the car door. He helped me out of my seat, looking into my eyes. Without hesitation, his hands were on me, insistent and needy. He leaned down and captured my lips in a kiss. I snaked my arms around him and pulled him closer as he deepened the kiss. I would never tire of kissing him. Each time was different, but always possessed the same urgency and passion as the one before it. He reluctantly pulled away from my mouth and led me inside.

Once we were in the elevator, he pulled me close to him, whispering words and phrases I didn't quite catch completely. I only heard words like _Bella_, _soft_, _please_ and _now_ in various combinations. My mind and body was frantic with the desire to close the last remaining distance between us, but as we got off of the elevator and he led me down the hallway to his apartment, rational thinking started trickling back into my mind. I tried to push it away and just, for once, live in the moment…this moment with Edward.

************

I couldn't even take in my surroundings when we got inside. It was as if everything but him ceased to exist. We weren't as urgent as we'd been in the hallway but he was kissing me deeply, gently.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he said, as he moved his mouth to my neck.

His hands were sliding down my sides over the silk of my top. He ran his fingers underneath the bottom and traced them across my ribcage. It tickled slightly and I shivered as goose bumps emerged on my shoulders and arms. Nothing had ever compared to the way his hands felt as they ghosted over my skin. I was completely lost in the sensation of it all. The same electric current that flowed between us wherever our bodies made contact was more intoxicating than anything I had to drink that night, and when it was mixed with the feeling of his mouth against my neck, it was truly, the perfect cocktail.

"Do you mean that?" I asked. I wasn't usually one to fish for compliments, but there was something about _him_ saying that I was beautiful that made me really _feel_ beautiful. I wanted him to think that I was beautiful more than I cared to admit to myself.

"Bella," he sighed and pulled his face back to look at me. His eyes were dark, his expression profound. "If you need to ask me if I mean that, I don't even know what to say." He reached up and softly cupped my face in his hands, dragging his thumbs across my mouth. "I thought I was being blatantly obvious about what you do to me."

I tried to give him back everything he was giving me with his eyes.

"I really do feel it when you look at me like that," I said, but it came out more as a whisper. "I felt it last night too…you _made _me feel it last night." I added. "I think I just wanted to hear you say it again."

He pulled my mouth to his kissing me almost reverently and I parted my lips to deepen the kiss. He moved, instead, to kiss my cheek, and then followed along down to my jaw and back up to my lips again. It was so soft and gentle.

"You _are_ beautiful…_everything_ about you is beautiful," he said, once again, looking back into my eyes.

"You don't know _everything_ about me," I responded.

I wasn't trying to be flippant, just truthful. He didn't know much about me. Not really. It had all been very surface up to this point. It felt like he knew my body far better than any other man I'd ever known. He was certainly able to make me feel things that I'd never felt before…ever. But, what did he really know about me as a person? That's when I realized that I _did_ want him to know me. Everything was so passionate between us physically; it always seemed to overshadow everything else. Even right then it the moment, the desire I felt to be with him sexually was staggering. I wanted him to know me though…and I wanted to know him.

"You're right, Bella," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "I don't know everything about you."

"I don't know everything about you either but, Edward," I sighed as I said his name. "I want to…I want to know you."

He took my hand and led me through his apartment. Of course, I followed. I had already decided I would follow him anywhere. He paused in his living room and turned to me. I wondered if we were going to stay there. I looked up at him and his green eyes were penetrating and the depths of them appeared limitless. Something flickered on his face.

"Bella, I want to know you too…Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course, you can."

"Do you trust me?"

I responded without thinking. "Yes."

"God, you're amazing," he said as he leaned down to kiss me once more.

He led me into his bedroom and turned on a light. I noticed that his room was tastefully decorated, if not somewhat minimalistic. He had what looked like a king size bed in the center of the room and there was a brown leather couch on the other side of the room. The room smelled like him and I couldn't help but think that I wanted nothing more than to bathe in that scent. It was just so…_Edward_. I looked up at him and waited for him to say something, make some kind of move to let me know what we were doing.

"Bella, I'm trying to reconcile my need to _be_ with you with my need to _know_ you," he said in a deep, throaty voice.

"I understand that completely," I told him. "I feel like I've been trying to accomplish that for the last two days. I haven't been very successful." It felt good to say it. "I want you so much, Edward."

"I think I've come up with something that might allow us to explore each other in both ways." He looked at me anxiously, as if he was afraid I would say no. "Do you want to play a game with me?" he asked.

_A game?_

"What kind of game?" I asked, intrigued by what he could possibly want to do, but also a little nervous.

He pulled me close to himself, wrapping me up in his arms and whispered seductively in my ear.

"Well, you see Bella, you and I are both far too overdressed." He started sucking my earlobe and I moaned out loud from the sheer pleasure of the sensation his tongue created.

"I was thinking that for each item that you take off, you could ask me a question, and for each item that I take off, I can ask you a question."

_Holy shit! That's the hottest thing I've ever heard!_

"So, you're saying that we would be playing a combination of Strip Poker and Truth or Dare?" I asked in a breathy voice. He had gone back to licking and sucking my ear and neck.

"Yes…but without the cards and the dares."

"When can we start?" I asked.

"Soon…there are just a couple more rules to our little game before we play with each other." He looked up at me and met my eyes.

"Whenever either of us is asked a question," he began. "We have to answer truthfully. We can each pass on one question, but once you pass, you can't pass again."

"Deal," I agreed.

"And Bella," he said, as he leaned in closer to my face. "When I said truthfully…I meant it." He brought his hands up to my neck and pushed my hair back.

"Full." He kissed the left side of my neck.

"Dis." He kissed the right side the same way.

"Closure." He bent down and licked the hollow of my throat and my breathing hitched.

"Umm…yeah…full disclosure." I managed to force out.

He led me over to the couch on the other side of his bed. And we both sat down facing each other. I wondered if I should take off my shoes, but I figured they would act as articles of clothing that we could take off to ask questions. I was nervous about this little game. Nervous and excited. Edward was looking at me and I wondered if he wanted to me to go first. I was about to offer when he spoke.

"I'll go first."

He reached down and pulled his sweater over his head, exposing his perfect chest and stomach and my God, was it perfect. I couldn't stop staring. What happened to taking off his shoe first? I thought, maybe, he would want to ease us into this little game of his…but no. There would be no easing on his part. I felt the strongest urge to reach over and touch him.

"Can I ask a question?" I asked, trying to look at his eyes and not his chest. Jesus! What was I? Some pervy old man?

"Actually, since I took off an item, I believe the rules stipulate that I get to ask the question," he said, smirking.

I laughed at him and shook my head. "No, silly. I mean a question about the game."

"Of course you can."

"Can we…I mean...will it…" I blushed and I hoped that he wouldn't be able to see it in the soft light of the room.

"What Bella?" he asked as he lifted my chin with his finger, so that I was looking at him. "You can ask me anything."

I drew courage from the fact that he was sitting here in his bedroom with me and had made up this somewhat ridiculous, albeit, completely sexy game, just so we could ask each other questions. I was going to have to try to get over this shyness.

"Can we…you know…touch each other while we play?"

He chuckled and it was throaty and deep and so hot. "Ah Bella," he started. "You never have to ask if you can touch me. Consider yourself to have an open invitation to touch me anytime the desire strikes you." He reached over and brought my hand to his chest. I could feel his heart beating. "Besides," he added. "I was more than hoping I would be able to touch you." He took my hand from his chest and held it in his lap.

"Okay, question one." He looked at me and took in a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "I don't want to make any assumptions about you, so I'm just going to ask you this because I really need to know." He seemed nervous and he squeezed my hand a little tighter. "Are you seeing anyone else?"

I was caught off guard by his question. It definitely wasn't what I was expecting him to ask. I couldn't believe that he could possibly think that I would have been able to do the things we had done if I were seeing anyone else.

"No, not at all." I said simply, as I squeezed his hand back. "I would never have done the things we've done, if I were seeing someone else." He let out a shaky breath and my heart swelled at the thought that he was actually nervous that I would say yes. "And, if I _were_ seeing someone else, I would _never_ do this." I sat up on my knees on the couch and leaned over to him and kissed his soft lips. He opened his mouth and whispered my name before I deepened the kiss. We stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying the closeness of each other. His tongue felt so nice sliding against mine. It was gentle and easy, but I could feel the same magnetic pull that we always had between us. I pulled back before it escalated and kissed him on the tip of his nose before resting back on my heels.

I'm so glad you're not," he said. "I'm not either," he added. "I know you didn't ask, but I just want you to know that."

"Thank you," I said as I smiled at him. "For telling me, I mean."

It was my turn and I still wasn't sure what I was going to ask. I reached behind me and pulled off one of my booties and dropped it on the floor. He laughed at my choice. "Not all of us are as forward as you, Mr. Cullen," I said with a wink.

"Alright, my first question. What is the one thing in your life that you are most proud of?"

"Wow," he said. "You don't start off with easy ones, do you?"

"Ah, ah, ah, Mr. Cullen." I smiled at him as innocently as I could. "It's my turn to ask the question, not yours." He chuckled at my response. I watched as he ran his long fingers through his hair and I tried not to get distracted at the sight of them.

"Well," he started. "I guess I would have to say that the thing in my life that I am most proud of is my family." His eyes lit up as he began to talk about them. "They really are the most amazing group of people; especially, my father and mother. My father is a doctor. I think I told you that earlier tonight. Anyway, he has dedicated his life to helping others and watching him do everything he loves to do, gives me something to strive for in my own life." He had what I could only describe as an awed expression on his face as he talked about his father. He told me earlier that he wanted him to tell me the story of why they founded The Carlisle Foundation. I hoped that I would get the opportunity for him to tell me.

"My mother, on the other hand, is the most loving and nurturing woman. Her name is Esme and she wants nothing more than for her children to be happy. She has spent my whole life supporting me and my decisions…even when she didn't necessarily agree with them. And, I have never seen two people more in love than my mother and father." There was a softness to his eyes as he spoke of his mother. It made me think of my own mother and how I never really had that kind of relationship with her. It made me a little sad.

"Emmett is just…well, he's just Emmett. He's this big guy with a huge heart and he loves life to the fullest. I've never really met anyone else like him. He's married to Rosalie and they are trying to get pregnant right now. He's going to be a great father."

I think this was the most I'd ever heard him speak at one time. He was so animated and sincere. I could tell he really loved his family and that they were all close.

"That, Bella, is the one thing in my life that I am most proud of."

"Edward, your family sounds amazing." I looked at him and he was still smiling from speaking about them.

"You will really love them," he said. "They will really love you as well." His voice was tender as he made the last comment.

"Thank you for telling me about them."

"Alright, next question," Edward said as he reached down and took a shoe off. He smiled at me and I leaned back against the couch with my legs still curled underneath me. "Tell me about your family."

"That's not a question," I said seriously, before a giggle finally escaped my lips. Edward rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Alright," he started. "Will you please tell me about your family?"

I knew Edward would have no concept at all of what my family was like, even once I told him. They were entirely different from his.

"Well, my mother's name is Renee and my father's name is Charlie. My parents got divorced when I was very young." I didn't really think about it much anymore. I hadn't really thought about it for a long time. I had come to terms with their divorce at a fairly young age. There was something about being here with Edward though, and him just talking about how much love that he saw between his parents that made me sad for mine.

Edward pulled my hand up to his lips and he kissed it sympathetically. "I'm sorry Bella."

"That's okay," I tried to reassure him.

"It happened a long time ago. I wasn't even two when Renee left Charlie. So, it's kind of all I've ever known. Renee moved us to Phoenix and Charlie stayed in Forks, Washington. I lived with my Mom until I was 16 and then I moved out to be with my Dad until I went to college."

"Did you just want to spend some time with your father?"

"Umm…no…not really." I replied. I was beginning to get uncomfortable with talking about this. My childhood, especially the time I spent with Renee, was not sunshine and crayons. How could I tell this man, who apparently had the perfect childhood with the perfect parents, about my flaky, irresponsible mother and my quiet and awkward father? Edward seemed to notice my hesitation.

"You know you can tell me anything, don't you?" he asked. "But, you don't have to tell me anything you're not comfortable with."

"It's not that I don't want to tell you," I responded. "It's just that I don't really talk about it that often." He was looking at me with the most compassionate expression, and in that moment, I _wanted_ to tell him about my family. I told him that I wanted him to know me. This was a part of me. It was actually a _huge_ part. It was the part of me that made me who I am today. I took a deep breath and began speaking.

"I grew up with my Mother. We moved around a lot when I was a child. She was never able to really hold a job for any length of time. Like I said before, she and my father had divorced when I was just shy of two years old because, as my mother always told me, 'I just wasn't in love with him.' She spent the rest of her life searching for this _love_, which in my eyes seemed unattainable. She was flighty and certainly unpredictable. That's not the right description, actually. She was immature and even though she loved me, she wasn't always able to take care of me the way a parent should take care of their child. The only real stability that I ever had as a child, actually, was the few weeks during the summers that I would spend with my Dad in Forks. When things finally got too unstable with Renee, Charlie got custody and brought me to live with him."

I realized that I wasn't looking at him while I was speaking. I lifted my gaze to his, hoping I wouldn't see pity. People always feel that when they hear my story. Not that so many people actually know my story. I didn't see pity there, however. His expression was still just soft and warm, understanding even. I smiled at him hesitantly and he smiled back. He reached for my other hand and I scooted closer to him to allow him access. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

"Charlie, my Father, is the Chief of Police in his town. He's a good man…quiet, but good. I'm a lot like him in some ways, although, I like to think I inherited some of Renee's better qualities too."

Edward pulled me closer to him so that I was resting in the crook of his arm and I reached up and stroked his bare chest. He leaned down and said, "See, I told you that _everything_ about you was beautiful." I blushed and wanted to get away from heavier subjects for a while.

I leaned over and pulled off my other bootie and Edward laughed again.

"You're going to have to remove actual clothing the next time," he said in a seductive tone and I laughed too.

"My turn," I started. "What did you get your degree in?"

"Well that's an easy question." I could feel the movement of his chest against me as he laughed. "I have a degree in Finance and I have a Masters in Economics. I told you I wasn't exciting."

"That can be exciting," I countered.

"It's definitely practical and not exciting, but I do love what I do."

I loved sitting there with him just getting to know one another. Granted, we were getting naked to do it, but information _was_ still being shared. I felt utterly relaxed and completely content.

Edward reached down and took his other shoe off.

"What about you, Bella? Do you love what you do?" He seemed like he genuinely wanted to know.

"I do love what I do. My job is _so_ important to me and it has basically defined who I am for the last four years. I started working for the company right after college. It was the first place to offer me a job. I have never regretted my decision since then. I've learned a lot from my boss and he's definitely looked out for my best interest." I looked at him and smiled. "Do you know what I love most about what I do?"

"No, tell me."

"I love that not any two days are the same. I mean, I do a lot of the same things on a daily basis, but when you work with a lot of diverse people and deal with their distinctive personalities, you always get something new from each one. A fresh perspective, if you will. And, it comes from all different sides. My superiors, my subordinates, the associates and the customers…they're all unique. They all bring something different to the table."

I turned around to look at him when I said the next thing. I wanted to make a point.

"You were a customer." I said quietly, but assuredly. "Look at what you brought into my day…my life."

He wrapped his hands around my neck and pulled me into a gentle kiss. His lips were yielding and firm all at the same time. His hands slipped down my sides and slid his hands underneath my shirt. He pulled away from my mouth and whispered, "Your turn." His voice sounded gravelly and full of desire. It sent a surge of moisture between my legs.

"You're right," I whispered back to him. "I'm going to need some help with this top." I turned around so that my back was facing him. "The buttons…they're in the back."

I felt his hands tremble as he began to unbutton the sliver buttons that ran from the top to the bottom of the back of my blouse. I could feel the heat of his hands through the thin silk of the top. He started at the bottom and worked his way up until it was completely open. I felt him as he stroked me with one finger, right underneath my bra. He pushed the top forward and over my shoulders and it fell lightly into my lap. I picked it up and dropped it on the floor next to the couch and I turned back around to face him. He was looking at my black bra and I felt his desire for me rolling off of him in waves. I crawled on top of him, straddling his thighs with both of my legs and rested myself in his lap. Our chests were almost touching, skin to skin. The only barrier between us was the thin material of my strapless bra.

"Edward, what were you thinking the night we met at the bar?" My voice trembled and my heart was pounding. I wasn't sure if it was from the anticipation of his answer or the nearness of our bodies. He wrapped his arms around my waist and began speaking; his voice was barely above a whisper.

"I noticed you before you noticed me. You were sitting at the bar and you had this irritated look on your face, and even though you looked pissed off, you were still the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I didn't know what you were thinking about and I hoped it wasn't because you were meeting someone else and they were late or something. I was supposed to meet Emmett later that night, but I texted him to cancel because I decided that I was going to try to talk to you. When I looked back up at you, I met your eyes."

He moved one of his hands to the front of my body and began rubbing in gentle circles across my chest and stomach. His eyes deepened in color and his gaze was more intense. He continued on.

"You were looking at me and then you blushed…and Jesus, you were so fucking beautiful. I thought that your blush, in that moment, would be my undoing. But, there was something about your eyes, Bella. Something about the way you held my gaze for so long. It was _more_ than just attraction; there was _something_ about you that pulled me to you…_physically_."

He took his index finger and traced along the edge of my bra, sliding around the slope of my breasts and back to the center. Then he dragged his finger in a straight line down the center of my body, across my stomach and navel and down over the waist of my jeans…_and then lower_. He started tracing the seam in the crotch of my jeans, slowly sliding it up and down right over my wet, aching center. It might have been the most erotic thing I'd ever experienced.

"That's when I saw that man approach you and startle you. You dropped your glass and your dress got wet and I saw how embarrassed you were. I just knew you were going to leave. I considered walking outside so that I could speak to you in the parking lot, but I thought that might frighten you. But then, he touched you." He emphasized every word of his last sentence. "It took everything I had not to walk across the bar and punch him. I knew I was being ridiculous, that I was jealous over a woman I didn't even know, but that's exactly what I was."

He continued stroking me in the same line through the denim of my pants. My nerves were on fire with what was rapidly becoming a desperate need for him to touch me. Really touch me. He continued speaking though.

"I could tell when we were speaking that you were nervous, but you were still determined and strong. I was so happy when you let me walk you out. I thought about asking if I could call you sometime, but you still seemed on edge and I didn't want to push it."

I laughed at this statement…and his hand stilled.

"I was on edge because I was in such close proximity to you. I felt the same attraction you did, but it was all new to me. I'd never felt anything like that before…it was so strong," I said as I searched his eyes for a response.

He laughed at my statement too.

"I would have come back, Bella," he said in a low, rough voice. "When you told me this morning that you and Alice were going to come back to see if I was there, it stunned me, because I would have come back. I would have come back every night until I saw you again."

He looked at me; his face so close that I could feel his breath. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted him before…more than I'd ever wanted anything. I placed my hands on the sides of his beautiful face and spoke, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm done with the game now."

"Oh, God, Bella." His voice was jagged with his need.

His arms circled around me and pulled me so close to him that it almost hurt. He reached his hand up and unhooked my bra and he threw it to the side. His hand immediately found my breasts as he cupped and massaged them. My nipples pebbled in response and I was kissing him wherever my mouth gained access.

He lifted me up off of the couch and carried me over to his bed. He placed me down on the edge of the mattress at the end and leaned over me as I laid back. My legs wrapped around his waist in an attempt to pull him closer to myself. His lips were eager and needy as they claimed mine again and again.

He moved his mouth down my neck and just the feel of his weight on me with his tongue gently licking me was enough to make me dizzy with need. It was overwhelming. He moved his attention over to my collarbone, placing kisses all along it and leaving a trail of fire in the wake of his mouth. All I could do was whimper his name.

"Oh, Bella," he rasped in between kisses. "The way my name sounds on your mouth…It's too much."

He pulled back away from me. I could see the rise and fall of my chest underneath him. My breathing was heavy and uneven. He ran both of his open palms down my chest, covering each of my breasts as they glided over them. He slid down further onto my stomach, touching my ribcage until his hands rested on the waist of my jeans.

He gently began unbuttoning my jeans as he leaned forward placing small chaste kisses on my face and body. There was no rhyme or reason to the pattern he was designing. Once he had the jeans unbuttoned and unzipped, he began to slide them over my hips. I lifted myself slightly to help him take them off easier. Once the jeans were stripped from me and lying on the floor, Edward dropped to his knees in front of me.

I knew what he wanted to do. I knew it and I ached for it. He grabbed my hips and pulled me to the edge of the bed. My knees were bent and my feet resting on the edge of the mattress. He pushed my knees apart and placed his palm right on my aching center. My body jerked from the contact. He rubbed me over my panties with firm strokes.

"You're so wet Bella," he whispered. "Why are you so wet?"

I wasn't sure if he wanted me to say something; I wasn't even sure if he meant me to hear the last part. He'd said it so quietly. I figured there was no shame in letting him know what he did to me with my words; my body was already telling him everything I wanted him to know.

"You do this to me, Edward." I murmured as I placed my hand over his and pressed down. "Feel that," I said a little more forcibly. "This is what you do to me…only you."

He was looking into my eyes as I spoke and I raised my hand from his and placed it over his lips.

"I want you to taste me."

I pulled my hand down slowly, dragging his bottom lip down with the pressure. His eyes dilated to the point they were almost completely black.

With that, he pulled my panties from my body in a movement so fast; I was completely caught off guard by it. I felt his hair as it brushed against my legs and his hot breath on my thighs and swollen center.

He placed a kiss on my clit and continued kissing down my folds. My hands instinctively reached down to grab his hair and pull him closer to me. He was saying things I couldn't understand, as his hushed words were muffled by my sex. I felt him open and spread me with his fingers before he firmly licked me from the bottom of my slit to my clit. I screamed out at the sensation. It was unlike any physical pleasure I had ever experienced.

"Oh God, Edward! Please…uhh...please…don't…I can't...don't stop!" I wasn't making sense and I knew that everything coming from my mouth was utterly involuntary.

He was lapping me in earnest now and I felt him plunge two fingers inside of me. My back arched up off the bed and I fought to control my own body.

"Bella…Jesus…your pussy…tastes…oh." His rasping voice was filled with urgency and need.

His tongue found my clit again as he continued to push in and out of me with his fingers. He nibbled and sucked and licked and thrust until my body was completely overwhelmed with the pleasure he was giving me. He continued on for what felt like minutes, it could have been seconds. I was too far gone to care.

"Your pussy…it's so beautiful…Oh, God."

At his words, my orgasm suddenly overtook me with such force I wanted to scream…but there was no sound. Only muted whimpers as his fingers stilled inside me and he continued to softly lick me and bring me down from my climax. I realized that I was grasping the blanket on his bed on either side of me so tight that my fingers hurt.

I lifted my head to look at him and when his eyes met mine he plunged forward to kiss me. His kiss was hot and wet and sloppy. I could taste myself on him and it was amazing. We pushed back on the bed and I opened my legs further to allow his body to slide between them. I fumbled with his pants and belt trying to open them up and get them off. He sensed my need and helped me push them down along with his boxers. My hand immediately found his cock and it felt painfully hard. I circled my hand around him and began to stroke him between us.

"Bella, oh Bella," his voice was husky. "I want you so much…but what we just…what you just gave to me…"

He sighed with the frustration of not being able to explain what he was feeling.

"Hearing you call my name while I tasted you like that was the most amazing experience I've ever had."

My hand stilled at his words; I was so overcome with them.

"Really?" I asked lamely.

"Yes, really." He leaned down to kiss me again. This time it was softer, more deliberate.

"I can taste myself on you…I love it."

He let out a throaty growl at my words.

"Make love to me, Bella."

And I did.

*************

We made love and it was just as passionate and beautiful as the first time. It was even better actually, because I felt more connected to Edward than I did before. We had spent the night opening up to each other. He let me see parts of him that I don't think he shared with many people and I did the same. He made that happen, because he knew I needed it. I allowed the realization of that to wash over me as I drifted to sleep in his arms. I didn't wonder what tomorrow would be like as I had the last night. I knew that it would be filled with him in some form…filled with Edward.

*************

I awoke the next morning and reached out to find him.

_He wasn't next to me. _

I looked around the room; the sunlight was muted from the blinds and drapes that had been pulled.

_He wasn't there. _

I called out his name to see if he had just stepped out of the bedroom.

_There was no answer. _

I looked around to see if he had left me a note.

_There wasn't one._

I got up to find and check my phone to see if he left me a message.

_He hadn't._

I panicked.

*************

A/N

Huge thanks go out to my Beat MrsKatyCullen! Thanks for taking the time to do this for me.

Thank you to everyone who is reading this story…you all make me smile.

Everyone who is adding this to Favorites and Alerts pretty much rock! I love you all!!!!

Please Review and let me know what you think!

Reviews are better than playing sexy games with Edward!


	8. Mistakes and Misapprehension

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 8

I didn't even know what time it was. I lifted the phone that I was still holding in my hand and touched the screen. It was just after eleven. There had to be a reason that he wasn't here. I forced myself to take a deep breath. Yes, breathing was good. I could focus on breathing…breathing in and out. This would help me to _not _focus on the way my hands were trembling. This would act as a diversion to the creeping sense of anxiety that was beginning to course through my body. So, I stood there in the room where I had opened myself up to him, before he made love to me. I stood there and took calming, measured breaths.

_He had just gone out for coffee._

That had to be it. He had gone out for coffee, or breakfast, or to get the mail. This was _his_ apartment after all. He was coming back. _He had to come back._ I decided to look again for a note. Surely, he would have left me a note to tell me where he was going. I checked the nightstands next to the bed and there was nothing there. I looked on the bed, pulling back the sheet and lifting the pillows. There was nothing there either. Maybe he had left something in the living room or kitchen. I padded out into the living room, taking in my surroundings for the first time.

Edward's living room was tastefully decorated, yet still completely masculine. Everything was done in earth tones. The walls were painted a mocha brown color. It was very rich, and I might have thought the color would be too intense, but it worked well in the overall scheme of the room's design. I wondered briefly if he had used a decorator. The couch was beige suede and he had two oversized black leather chairs that were situated around an oversized coffee table. All along the back wall were built-in bookshelves that were actually filled with books. I walked over to read some of the titles, sliding my fingers along the spines. He had a wide range in his collection. Somehow, that didn't surprise me. Anyone who was as well-spoken and articulate as Edward had to be well-read. There were sliding glass doors leading out to a balcony off to the side, and a black piano situated in the left hand corner of the room. I could imagine Edward in this room. It mirrored everything I'd learned about him so far. It was tasteful, beautiful and warm. There was nothing left for me in the living room, so I went into the kitchen to see if he'd left anything there.

The kitchen was modern, with every available amenity. Although, it looked like it was rarely ever used. I saw that he had a coffee maker and espresso machine, which didn't bode well for my theory that he had gone out for coffee. I tried to beat back the panic once more. I noticed my keys on the counter. I remembered that we had driven here last night in my car and that Alice and Jasper had taken his. How would he have driven somewhere? None of this was making any sense. There had to be a practical explanation. But really, what could it be? Was there any reason that he would have left me here this morning without waking me up to let me know, or at least leaving me some sort of message? He had proven himself to be nothing, if not chivalrous. This all just seemed so out of character.

I looked down and realized that I was completely naked. I suppose I had known I was on some level, but it seemed wrong standing there in his kitchen with no clothes on, so I headed back into the bedroom. I decided to call Alice. I wondered what she was doing, if she was at my apartment, if she and Jasper had a good time last night. I pulled her up on my contact list and called. The phone rang four times before sending me to voicemail. I left her a message that I was still at Edward's and to call me when she got the message. She was probably still sleeping.

I wondered briefly if Edward would mind me taking a shower. I decided against it since I didn't have clean clothes here and would have to shower again when I got home anyway. I got dressed quickly, picking up my things from the floor. Each item was lying in the same place it had been discarded the night before. The images of our night together came to me and for a moment, the overwhelming wave of desire I possessed for him replaced the nagging fear I felt because he wasn't here.

I sat down on the leather couch and waited…for him. I sat there, looking at the clock on my phone every five minutes. When the clock said eleven thirty, I became nervous. When it said eleven forty-five, I became irritated. At five minutes to twelve I was angry. Why hadn't he called? I thought about calling him, but reconsidered because I shouldn't have to call him. He should have called me. No, the truth was, he should have let me know he was leaving. At twelve, I was furious and fighting back angry tears. I picked up my phone and called him. His phone didn't even ring. It just sent me straight to voicemail. Either his phone was off or he declined my call, and I couldn't think about the implications of either.

I gathered my purse and grabbed my keys off the counter in the kitchen. I had to leave. I wasn't going to wait here for him anymore. I was embarrassed and hurt and I couldn't even find it in myself to think about how I had allowed him to make me feel this way. Had none of it really meant anything to him? I knew we hadn't really known each other very long. Everything between us had happened so rapidly. I had met him on Wednesday night, and it was only Saturday now. It _was_ fast, but I _felt_ something for him. There _was_ a connection between us. We hadn't just fucked…he made love to me! Those were _his_ words! _He_ said that to me, and _he_ made me feel that. I opened the front door to his apartment, twisting the lock on the knob and shut it. I held the tears at bay while I made my way down the elevator and out of his building. When I reached my car, I couldn't contain them anymore. And so I cried with my head on the steering wheel, hating that I had ever given him the power to make me feel this way, and not understanding why I had so freely given it.

*************

I opened the door to my apartment, fully expecting Alice to be there. She wasn't in the living room, so I checked the guest room and she wasn't there either and the bed looked like it hadn't been slept in. I guessed her night with Jasper had gone pretty well. Pretty well, indeed. I smiled in spite of myself, trying not to think about what that would mean for me and Edward. I guess I couldn't really think about us like that now. _Me and Edward._ There was no me and Edward. I guess there never really had been. I couldn't shake the feeling that it couldn't have all been in my head and on my side. He was there too. We had a connection. He said it himself.

I couldn't think about it anymore.

I didn't have the energy.

I walked to my room, stripping my clothes from last night. I could still smell him faintly on my clothes, on myself. I needed to shower. I stood under the hot spray and willed myself not to cry again. I was stronger than this. I was acting like this was a break-up. It wasn't. He hadn't been mine to lose. The sooner I realized that, the better off I would be. The smell of my shampoo and body wash filled the room. It was familiar and comforting. I dried myself off after I was finished and pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top. I had two choices. I could force myself to get out and do something or I could crawl in my bed and try to forget about everything. One choice was healthy and one was selfish.

I chose selfish.

I pulled the drapes to block the sunlight and crawled in bed. I lifted the covers over my head and tried to find sleep. If I were sleeping, I wouldn't think. I took a deep breath and was assaulted by him again. They still smelled like him and I realized that I had never washed the sheets. When I napped yesterday, I reveled in his fragrance.

Today, it pissed me off.

I tore out of the bed and began ripping the sheets and pillow cases off. Incensed, I collected them all from the floor and took them to my laundry room. I dumped them in the washing machine and turned on the water and poured in a cap of detergent. I filled the slot with fabric softener and closed the lid. In my anger, I kicked the washing machine and was instantaneously reminded that I wasn't wearing shoes. The pain in my toe was blinding for a moment and I cried out in pain. _"Goddamnit!"_ I cursed out loud, grabbing my foot in my hand. I turned around and slid down to the floor, my back against the washer. I was crying again and the sad thing was that I knew I wasn't crying over my stupid stubbed toe.

I sat there for an immeasurable amount of time, hating myself for feeling like this. The gentle hum of the washing machine was surprisingly relaxing and kept me in a numb trance for a while. I heard the front door open and I heard Alice and Jasper's voices. They were laughing and I listened as Alice called out my name. I didn't respond because I didn't want them to see me like this.

"Her phone is here on the counter, so I know she's here," she said.

"Do you think that they will want to get a late lunch with us?" I heard Jasper ask.

_They?_

I figured that he must not have spoken to Edward. There was no "they" anymore.

"There wasn't ever really a 'they'," I thought to myself bitterly.

"I don't know Jazz," I heard her reply. "Let me ask her."

She walked through the apartment calling my name and I knew I needed to say something now.

"I'm in here Alice," I called to her. "I was doing a load of laundry."

She turned around the corner and immediately took in my appearance. I knew she could tell that I'd been crying.

"Oh, Bella," she said so softly, I knew I was the only one who could hear her.

She turned around and began talking to Jasper.

"Listen, give me a little while. I think I need to spend some time with Bella."

I didn't hear a response from him until I heard him say, "That's fine darlin'. Call me whenever you're ready."

I heard the door click shut behind him and Alice was already back in front of me.

"What happened?" she asked, and just like before, _just like this whole fucking day_, I was crying again. She pulled me to her in a hug and let me cry. We eventually walked into the living room and sat on the couch and told her about everything. I told her about the night before and how wonderful it had been. I told her how we _really_ talked, how I'd even told him about Renee and Charlie. That surprised her since she knew I didn't ever talk about my family to anyone. I told that we made love, but then made a sarcastic comment about how it had been fucking instead of making love. I told her how I'd woken up to find him gone with nothing from him to let me know he'd left or where he was going. And finally, I told her how I sat there like a stupid bitch, waiting on him and how he hadn't even answered when I called him.

"Bella, I can't believe this," she said sympathetically.

"I know, Alice," I sighed. "And the truly fucked up thing about this whole situation is that I thought he was different than this…I thought he was better. I can't believe that I misread the whole situation. You said it yourself. I'm good at reading people."

"That's the thing Bella," she started. "You didn't misread anything. I was there! I saw how he was with you! He was definitely into you. Jazz even told me last night that Edward couldn't stop talking about you and that he basically forced him into coming out last night so that he could see you again. None of it makes any sense."

"Jazz?" I smirked, and she giggled.

"Oh Bella, I know this isn't the right time to tell you this, but he's _wonderful_!"

"Well, I'm glad one of them is," I said dismally.

"I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now, Bella. There just has to be an explanation for this. Edward is _not_ a bad person. Shouldn't you at least give him the benefit of the doubt?"

"I did give the benefit of the doubt," I said a little too loudly. "I gave him the benefit of the doubt when I sat in his empty apartment waiting on him to come back for over an hour!"

"Okay, calm down," she said softly as she squeezed my hand. "You're right. You didn't do anything wrong. I didn't mean to imply that you did."

"You're going out to lunch with Jasper?" I asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Well, the plan was to go with the two of you, but I'm not going to go now. I'll stay here with you. We'll do something together."

"Absolutely not," I argued. "If you had plans with him, I'm not going to keep you here with me in my emo state."

"Bella, I'm not going to just let you sit around and wallow in this today," she said in an exasperated tone. "And, if you insist on doing that, I'll be right here with you, Ben and Jerry's in hand and Love Actually on DVD."

We both laughed.

"Besides," she added. "Jazz will be here when I move in a couple of weeks."

I heard my phone ringing from the counter in the kitchen. Alice shot up from the couch to get it and when she looked at the screen, I could tell from her expression that it was Edward calling.

"It's Edward," she said cautiously as she handed me the phone.

My hand was shaking, but I decisively declined the call.

"You're not going to talk to him?" she asked.

"No," I said, my voice trembling.

Alice's phone rang then. She pulled it from her pocket and told me it was Jasper. She answered the phone and began talking to him. My phone started ringing again and I let it ring a whole two times before I declined it again. I heard Alice telling Jasper about what happened with Edward. She wasn't too descriptive, but I understood why she was telling him that she wouldn't be going to lunch with him. Even though, I still wished she would. I didn't want to ruin her day with the huge, fucking mess mine had become. The iPhone rang again and I found myself longing to answer it. I needed answers, but I couldn't talk to him. _He_ was the problem. I knew if I answered it, he would talk to me in his velvet voice and I would cave to whatever he was saying.

_Stupid, velvet voice._

I let it go to voicemail.

I realized that Alice was no longer talking to Jasper.

"Jazz is calling Edward," she said quietly.

"Why is he doing that?"

"He said that he wanted to find out what the fuck happened," she stated simply, as if it was the most common sentence in her vocabulary.

"He said that there was _no way_ he would have left without telling you why…and if he did, he wanted to know why he did it."

My head was spinning. This was too much drama for me. I hated drama. I avoided it at all costs. Most of all, I hated that _my_ drama was causing problems for Alice and Jasper. She called him '_wonderful'_ in her dreamy voice. She had never really spoken about a man like that, especially not so soon. What was it with these men that caused such an immediate and intense response? I was still responsive to him, even now. I knew that I still longed for him. What if he did have a good reason for leaving this morning? He could have. That was what bothered me the most, actually. He could have had a perfectly reasonable explanation, but what I couldn't understand was why he would have just left without saying something. I had to leave yesterday morning to go to work, but before I did, I stayed in bed with him, holding him and making plans to be with him again. I didn't just leave him here, in my bed, without a word. There could be no reason for that.

I stood up and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. I knew my eyes would be puffy and red and I thought it might calm me down some. When I walked back into the living room, Alice was on the phone. I looked down and saw that I had another missed call from Edward. Why was he still calling? I wondered what he told Jasper. I wondered what Jasper told him. I didn't want to listen in on their conversation, but I couldn't help my raging curiosity. I overheard Alice telling Jasper that I didn't find a note.

_Did he leave a note?_

No. He didn't. I looked everywhere for one.

Alice began explaining to Jasper that she wouldn't be able to spend time with him today because she didn't want to leave me by myself and I felt tremendously guilty at her words. Jesus, could I be any more of a wet blanket? I immediately interrupted her to tell her that she should spend time with him. I wasn't going to be up for company today and she should have fun while she was here. It took some major convincing on my part and probably Jasper's as well, but she reluctantly agreed.

Once she ended her call she looked at me and sighed.

"I don't have to go, Bella."

"Of course you do," I said and gave her my most convincing smile. "I'm just going to go to sleep anyway."

She looked at me speculatively, as if she was trying to decide whether or not she should say something.

"Bella."

"Yes."

"If I tell you something, do you promise not to get mad?"

"Of course," I said, without question.

"Jazz told me that Edward said he left you a note."

I had to steady myself, because anger was, categorically, my first response.

"Well, he lied to Jasper then," I said, my voice strained. "I looked for one Alice," I continued. "I looked next to the bed, in the bed, in the living room and in the kitchen! There was no note there. I would have found it." I was getting worked up again.

"You're right," she said, her soothing voice back again. "Of course, you're right."

We sat there for a moment, not speaking. My phone started ringing again. Alice picked it up this time and, much to my surprise, she answered. I listened intently to the one side of the conversation.

"_Hello, Edward. Bella doesn't want to talk right now."_

"_No, I don't think that would be a good idea."_

"_Listen, Edward," _Alice said in a tone that rang with finality._ "If she wants to talk with you, she will."_

And with that, she hung up the phone. I wanted to ask her what he said, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Asking would have been acknowledging that I cared, and even though, deep down, I knew I desperately did, I wasn't ready to admit that to Alice…or even myself. Not out loud.

I told Alice that I was tired and that I really just wanted to lie down. I remembered that my sheets were in the washer and I headed to the laundry room to put them in the dryer. After I retrieved a fresh set from the linen closet, I made my bed and crawled in it. Alice was getting ready for Jasper to pick her up and I really didn't want to see Edward's best friend at the moment. This was all such a huge mess. I couldn't think about it anymore. I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep.

*************

I heard Alice enter my room and she turned on the lamp next to my dresser. I blinked my eyes as they adjusted to the light. It wasn't dark outside, but it was overcast and the drapes were blocking most of the light coming in.

"I brought you your phone," she said, as she placed it on my nightstand.

"Thank you."

I looked at the clock and saw that it was just past four.

"Jazz should be here any moment." She reached down and tucked my hair behind my ear. "I can stay Bella. I hate leaving you like this," she sighed. "_You _are more important to me than any man. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do, Alice." I sat up in the bed. "I want you to go and have a good time. Besides, the last few days have really caught up with me and, honestly, I could use the rest."

"Alright, but I'm only a phone call away if you need me." She reached down and hugged me tightly and kissed me on the top of my head. "Jazz is taking me to look at an apartment in one of the buildings his firm designed after we eat."

"That's great," I said. "I'm so excited you're moving here." My melancholy mood was suddenly lifting, just thinking about it.

"Hey," Alice started. "Can I use some of your perfume?"

"Of course," I said. "What kind do you want to wear?"

"Something sweet," she sighed, with a dreamy look on her face. "What do you suggest?"

"Well, you could always go with Juicy Couture. It's really sweet, or…Oh, I know! Lola, by Marc Jacobs! It's sweet and sexy all at the same time."

"That sounds perfect!" She turned around and went to my dresser. "Which one is it?"

"It's the purple one with the really cool bottle." I pointed at it. "That's actually the reason I bought it."

She sprayed the perfume on her wrists and neck and placed the bottle back in my tray.

"Now, you're perfect," I said. "You look beautiful and he won't be able to keep his hands off you." I laughed and winked at her reflection in the mirror.

My phone rang and I was suddenly nervous that it was Edward calling again. I looked at the screen and was relieved to see that it was the front desk calling to let me know that Jasper was here. My heart fell just a little bit at the same time with the realization that _wasn't_ Edward calling. I shook it off, knowing it was for the best. I told the front desk that I was expecting a guest and ushered Alice out of my room after giving her a hug. I still wanted to avoid Jasper, as I was sure he had spoken to Edward again today. And he would have just served as a reminder of the man I was trying to avoid, trying to forget. I heard the front door open and muffled voices and then the door shut and I was alone…again.

I curled up on my side in the fetal position and silently cried. I cried because I didn't understand why I was acting like this. I cried because I didn't know why I felt like this. Three days. It had only been three days since I met him. That wasn't long enough to feel like this. Most men waited three days to call you after a date. Why did_ everything_ have to be _so_ different with him? I had dated. Not much, mind you, not seriously anyway, but it's not like the concept was completely foreign to me. Granted, I hadn't been in a _real_ relationship with any man for over four years. My work was my priority. I'd thrown myself into work from the moment I'd started. I knew that a relationship would only serve as a distraction to my achieving the goals I'd clearly set for myself. It's not that I didn't want a relationship. I'd just never been really good at them. The one time I'd tried, it failed miserably. I guess I always figured that maybe I just didn't have it in me. I mean, Renee and Charlie were certainly never good role models for what a healthy, happy relationship looked like. I usually never went on more than a couple of dates with the same man. I never opened myself up for anything more than that.

I thought about Edward. I'd opened myself up to him last night. I was willing to, so quickly and without question, give him parts of myself that I didn't ever give anyone. The only person I'd ever _really_ talked about Charlie and Renee to was Alice, and we were friends for over a year before I'd felt comfortable enough to talk to _her_ about it. And yet, with Edward, I talked about it after only two days.

_I was so fucking stupid! _

_How could I be so fucking stupid?_

*************

I don't know how long I laid there. It was long enough that the growling of my stomach distracted me. I realized that I hadn't eaten anything all day. I rolled over with a groan and pulled the covers down. I looked at the clock and saw that it was a little after six. I felt pathetic. I'd spent the whole day wallowing in my self-pity and, quite honestly, I was ashamed of myself for acting this way. I could have been a grown-up and made myself go out with Alice. She had come to see me this weekend and here I was, being selfish. I got out of the bed and padded into the kitchen to see what I could find to eat. I didn't really feel hungry, but I knew my body was telling me otherwise. I looked at the contents of my refrigerator. I decided to have a yogurt and some fruit. I stood at the counter and ate, not really tasting anything.

I heard my phone chirp from my bedroom. My heart started pounding as I walked to see who sent me a message. Part of me was hoping it was him. Was he regretting what happened? The malevolent part of me hoped he was. I hoped he felt just as bad as I did. Was I really this bitter? I didn't like seeing this side of myself and, suddenly, I was ashamed of myself again. I picked up my phone and looked at the text. It was from Alice and I was simultaneously relieved and hurt. She asked if I was okay and told me that she was worried. I texted back, telling her that I was fine and to please not worry about me.

In an effort to keep myself busy, I pulled out my laptop and checked the store's business from the day before. We had made plan and I was pleased with that. I felt guilty about not being there this weekend to help them prepare for Michael's visit on Monday, but I knew that Angela would have everything completed to my expectation when I returned.

I tried watching a movie, but found that I couldn't focus on it, so I decided to run myself a hot bath. While the water was running, I docked my ipod in the bedroom and turned on some music. I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine and headed back into the bathroom, setting the glass on the ledge of the garden tub. The room was filled with the scent of the bubble bath I'd added to the water. It smelled like jasmine and, at once, the fragrance enveloped my senses and relaxed me. I took a bath sheet from the linen closet and placed it on the rack and then took off my clothes. As I stepped into the tub, I tried to adjust to heat of the water. Once I leaned back, I felt the stress in my muscles begin to melt away. I could hear the sound of the music coming from my bedroom. Combined with the wine and heat of the water, I relaxed completely for the first time since I'd woken up in the morning.

I stayed in the tub until the water became tepid and my fingers pruned slightly. I dried off quickly, wrapping the bath towel around my body and placing my clothes in the hamper. The tips of my hair were wet from falling into the water. I walked out into my bedroom and my eyes instantly went to my bed. Placed in the center of the bed on top of the blanket was an envelope. I knew it wasn't there before; I had made the bed earlier. Adrenaline started pulsing through my body as I walked over to pick it up. When I looked at it, there were words written on the envelope.

_This was the note I left for you this morning. I found it under the bed. I placed it on the pillow beside you, but you must have knocked it off sometime during your sleep. I can't imagine what you must have felt this morning to wake up alone with no word from me. I don't know if you want to read it now, but I wanted you to have it. I need you to know what I was really thinking this morning._

_~Edward_

My hands were shaking uncontrollably. So much so, I found it hard to read the words he'd written on the envelope. I tore into the envelope and pulled out the letter. It was written on non-descript white computer paper. My name was on the outside of the fold. I wasn't breathing. I couldn't. I unfolded the paper and read his words.

_Bella,_

_I'm sitting here next to you, watching you sleep. _

_You talk in your sleep. Did you know that? _

_It's enchanting and completely riveting, especially, when you say my name. _

_I do not have any words that could possibly ever be eloquent enough to describe to you what last night meant to me. _

_Since I am not Lord Byron or John Keats, I will not try in vain. For, only their words would suffice._

_I have been called to work for a couple of hours. I, reluctantly, have to go. _

_I considered waking you to let you know, but selfishly, want to keep you here, so that while I am away, _

_I can envision you, naked and spent and sleeping in my bed. _

_Just as you are now._

_I'm hoping you sleep through my absence, you must be exhausted._

_Should you wake before my return, please consider my home, your home…my belongings, yours as well._

_I will be back as quickly as I can._

_Already yours,_

_Edward_

I cried from the moment I read my name on the paper. By the time I'd finished I was sobbing quietly. He had left me a note, no, not even a note. He'd left me a letter; the closest thing to a love letter I'd ever received. I didn't have time to think about how he'd gotten this to me. I still couldn't even process the words he'd written.

"Don't cry."

My head shot up at the voice and I looked to the doorway that he was standing in.

"Please don't cry," he said; his voice thick with emotion. "This is entirely my fault."

He walked over to where I was sitting and knelt down beside me. I was holding the letter so tightly; it was crumpling between my fingers. I still wasn't able to talk. I could only look at him, his eyes were penetrating mine, and they were fluid with the extent of his emotion. I slid from the bed, down on my knees in front of him; dropping the letter beside us and reaching up to touch his face with both of my hands. His skin was rough with stubble, as if he hadn't shaved today.

"Why are you….how did…how are you here?" I stammered; my voice breaking.

"Alice gave me her key," he started to explain. "Please don't be angry with her. I went to her and Jasper once I realized what happened. She said she thought that I should be the one to explain to you, and she knew you wouldn't answer my calls."

I couldn't stop touching his face. He was so close and I could feel his heated breath on my hands. I knew I needed to speak, but I could only focus on his presence and the words he'd written, that were laying on the floor beside me.

"I woke up alone," I said, finally. "I couldn't understand, and I tried to call you after I waited, but you didn't answer your phone."

"Oh, Bella," he rasped. "I'm so sorry."

He reached up and wiped the tears that were still falling from my cheek.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" I asked.

"My phone was turned off," he ran a hand through his already, disheveled hair. "I was in a meeting and didn't have it on."

"I thought you declined me," I admitted. "I had already waited over an hour for you to come home. Initially, I thought maybe you went out for coffee." I looked at him apprehensively. "I felt pathetic for waiting and that made me angry." I took a deep breath and said what I'd been feeling all day, but I couldn't look at him when I said it. It was as if, saying it, somehow made me weak. "I thought…I thought you didn't want me."

We sat there for a quiet moment; my words hanging heavy in the space between us. He let out a sigh and gently lifted my chin with his fingers until I was looking at him. The expression he wore on his face was a mixture of sadness and frustration. It hurt to even look at him. I thought he was sad or frustrated with me. I was sad and frustrated with myself.

"Bella," my name was no more than a whisper from his lips. "I've done _nothing_ but _want_ you since we met."

I reached for him and he pulled me onto his lap and into his arms. He held me close, one hand holding the small if my back, the other hand tenderly stroking my hair. I laid my head on his shoulder and tangled my hands in his hair as well. We stayed like that for a considerable amount of time, just taking pleasure in the proximity of each other, never taking it any further. Eventually, he leaned in and placed a delicate kiss on the curve of my neck.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he kissed my neck again. "I would have done things so differently this morning."

I pulled back slightly to look at him.

"No," I said softly but with conviction. "I don't want to do this…the whole apology thing. I think both of us would have done some things differently if we had known then what we know now."

"I can't imagine how you must have felt," he said, pulling me closer.

"I imagine it was pretty similar to what you felt when you got home and found me gone."

"I went a little crazy," he admitted. "I thought you found the note and left anyway." He laughed dryly. "And then, _you_ wouldn't answer the phone."

"I'm ashamed to say…I wanted to hurt you the same way you hurt me." I hid my face in his neck again, wishing I hadn't just admitted to being such a childish bitch. "Do you hate me?" I asked; my voice muffled from his shoulder.

"Hardly, Bella," he said and laughed. "Although, I thought Jasper hated _me_ for a moment this afternoon. He called and asked me what the fuck I'd done to you."

"He really said that?" I asked, surprise in my voice.

"Yes," he said, still laughing. "He said I was raised better than that."

"This was all such a colossal mess today," I said, kissing his cheek. His stubble tickled my lips. "You're scruffy."

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't shave today."

"Don't be sorry," I said, nuzzling against his face. "I like it…it's…sexy."

"It's sexy, is it?" he asked, smiling his crooked smile.

"Umm…yeah," I said, blushing.

I felt my arousal rushing between my legs and was suddenly aware that I was still only wrapped in a towel. I looked Edward and I could sense the change in his expression. His breathing had spiked and I felt his heartbeat speed. I leaned into kiss his mouth. The kisses started out soft and chaste. I opened my mouth first and traced my tongue along his bottom lip before gently sucking it into my mouth. Edward whimpered into my mouth and I lifted my hands up to his face as I continued my tender suction. My towel came undone and slid down around my waist, exposing my bare chest. I felt Edward's hand raise and palm my breast, before he took my nipple between his thumb and index finger, pinching it lightly. This elicited a moan from my mouth and Edward's hand stilled as he pulled back. I sucked in a breath and took my bottom lip between my teeth as I looked at him questioningly.

"Bella, I don't want you to think I came here with any expectations for _this_ to happen," he said; his voice rough and low. "I don't want you to think this is just about sex for me."

I was caught off guard by his words. Did he think that this was just about sex for me? I mean, I certainly wanted him sexually, but this _connection_ between us wasn't just _physical_ for me. I reached down and pulled the towel back up around me, suddenly embarrassed at the implication that he might think that of me.

"Edward, do you think is just about sex for me?" I asked, feeling the blood rushing to my face. "Because, I _cried_ over this shit today," I said. "And it wasn't because I was afraid I wouldn't get to _fuck_ you again."

I was starting to cry again as I looked at him.

"This means more to me…_you_…" I stammered softly. "_You_ mean more to me than that."

I tried to get up but he pulled me closer to him, not letting me move from his lap.

"No, Bella," he said soothingly. "I didn't mean you. I didn't want you think it was all _I_ wanted."

He looked at me before placing kisses on my face and all along my neck and shoulders.

"Not you…never you," he murmured.

We stayed there kissing softly and clinging to each other for the longest time until I heard his stomach rumble. I pulled back, both of us laughing lightly.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"I didn't really eat today," he confessed.

"Me either, really," I told him. "Will you let me feed you?"

"I would love that," he said, smiling.

We both stood up together, not wanting to lose contact. My muscles were tight. I could only imagine what he felt like since I'd been on his lap, pretty much, the whole time. I noticed the letter next to the bed and bent down to retrieve it. I walked over to my nightstand and placed it inside the drawer. Edward followed behind and kissed me on my shoulder as I bent down.

"I loved the letter, Edward," I turned to face him. "Did I really say your name?"

"Yes," he smiled and kissed my cheek. "I would tell you that it was my favorite part of the night, but I can't." He pushed my hair behind my ear and leaned down to whisper directly into it, "I was inside you last night, after all."

I shivered at his words. It reminded me of when he'd first asked me to dance with him.

I put some clothes on and ordered take-out for us. We spent the next couple hours eating and talking and just being together. It felt comfortable and easy, not like nothing had happened, but more like it didn't matter that something had. Alice called and said that she was spending the night with Jasper again and asked if I forgave her for giving Edward my key. I told her that, of course, I did. She told me that she knew I would. We made plans to meet them for Sunday brunch and I told her goodnight. Edward was looking at me intently after I was off the phone. Even though I wasn't looking at him, I could feel the heavy weight of his stare. I finally looked over at him and met his eyes. Silently, I offered him my hand and led him into my bedroom. I didn't need to ask him if he wanted to stay, just like he didn't need to ask me if I wanted him to.

Edward made love to me and it was soft and gentle and passionate and beautiful. There were no sexy games being played and no witty banter crackling between us. We took our time, exploring each other's bodies and bringing each other to climax. He was holding me in his arms and before I drifted to sleep, I heard his voice, barely above a whisper, in my ear.

"I meant what I said in the letter, Bella."

"Which part?" I asked, my voice thick with the passion I had for him.

"I'm already yours," he said in a husky tone, full of emotion. "Only yours, Bella."

*************

**A/N**

**I've added a link on my profile page to my blog about Retail Therapy. I've posted some pics for the story and will start posting weekly previews for upcoming chapters.**

**I want to know what you guys are thinking about the story so far.**

**Reviews are better than love letters from Edward, so **_**please**_** leave me a little love and tell me about the best (or worst) love letter you ever received.**

**Anyone who reviews will get an extra sneak-peek that won't be posted on my blog.**

**Thanks again to each and every person that is reading and adding to alerts and favorites. You guys make me smile!**


	9. Everything and Nothing

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Okay…so this chapter is an intense citrus punch. Not even punch. This is limoncello or straight lemon vodka. This is not for readers under the age of 18. There are graphic descriptions and it's quite hot…but **NOT** for young readers. Consider yourself warned.

Chapter 9

I woke up sometime during the middle of the night. My head was on Edward's chest, my arm wrapped around his waist and my leg hitched up over his. I was enamored, momentarily, by the way my body seemed to mold, seamlessly, to his. I was perfectly comfortable there in his arms. There was no light in the room, but as I leaned my head back slightly and my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could make out the lines and features of his stunning face. He looked so peaceful. His lips were parted slightly, and with the way his head was angled toward me, I could have easily kissed him. I wanted to.

I replayed his words from right before we went to sleep.

_"I'm already yours. Only yours, Bella."_

I tried to wrap my mind around the unfamiliar emotions his declaration invoked.

He shifted imperceptibly, and in the process, pulled me closer to himself. I wondered if he dreamed, and if he did, was it of me? If I was speaking his name in my sleep, I knew I dreamed of him. I wanted him to dream of me. I listened as he let out gentle sigh that was no more than a whisper of air across my face. His warmth surrounded me and I couldn't keep from running my fingers through the soft dusting of hair that covered his chest. I stilled my hand, not wanting to wake him up.

I took in his form, for the first time without any embarrassment. He was sleeping and I could really look at him now. My eyes followed the planes of his chest down to his perfectly chiseled stomach as it expanded and contracted with the deep breathing of his sleep. He was beautiful; so beautiful, in fact, that it made my own breath catch in my throat. He had a trail of hair that started just below his navel and disappeared beneath the sheet that covered the lower portions of our bodies. I knew where that trail led, and just like Gretel, I was compelled to follow it, as if it were the breadcrumbs left behind to lead me home.

Overcome with desire to see more of him, to feel him beneath my fingers, I gently lifted and slid the sheet down, praying that my trembling hands and the slight movement of my body wouldn't accidentally wake him. My heart was pounding in my chest so loudly, I was afraid that the sound, alone, would wake him. Once the sheet rested on our thighs, I was able to take in his sex. His cock was flawless, even in its flaccid state. I hadn't really looked at him like this since the first night we made love, when I took him in my mouth. Moisture pooled between my legs at the thought of sucking him, and I willed myself not to press my wet center into him just for friction.

If his cock was flawless when it was soft, it was _glorious_ when it was erect. I remembered the way he felt in my hands and mouth. The contrasting smoothness of his skin over the rigid shaft was consuming, and the way he tasted, well, that was something I'd never forget. It was _him_; it tasted like him. God, I wanted to taste him; to feel him in my mouth, filling me, knowing that it would bring him pleasure. Not just him, but me.

_It would please me._

I'd never really felt like that before. I'd only done it for one other man, and always at his request, but it wasn't something I enjoyed. It was always more like something that was expected and I did it because I felt like I had to. Like I was keeping up some end of a silent agreement that stated it was what you were supposed to do for your significant other. And, like most things, this was different with Edward. _Everything_ was different with him.

Instinctively, my hand reached out to touch him…_there_. I needed to feel him; needed to see his body respond to my touch. Light as a feather, the tip of my index finger glided across the tip of his cock. I watched as it twitched slightly from the subtle contact. Edward let out a wisp of air as he pulled me even closer. I stilled completely, in case he woke up. I waited for a couple of minutes to ensure that he was still sleeping soundly. He didn't move again and I relaxed, taking in a quiet breath. I wondered if he would actually wake up if he became aroused. Didn't men get aroused in their sleep all the time?

The way he pulled me closer actually made it easier for me to reach down and touch him again. Slowly, I reached down and touched him, this time, softly dragging my finger from the tip of his head to the base. He responded immediately; swelling underneath my hand. I repeated the process, this time, adding my thumb with my finger, faintly stroking him up and down both sides until he was completely and fully erect. I was mesmerized, not only by his magnificent cock, but by the way he reacted to _me_…_my_ touch.

I knew what I wanted to do. Could I do it? He would definitely wake up if I did, but wasn't that what I ultimately wanted anyway? But, what would he think if he woke up _like that_? What would he think of me? My thoughts were silenced by the sight of a drop of moisture seeping from the tip of his head. I had to taste it…to taste him.

As gently as I could, I extracted myself from his arms and he rolled back onto the pillow, his body still angled toward me. I held myself up with one hand pushed into the mattress, as I slid my body further down the bed until my face was in front of his pelvis. I held the base of his cock and softly took him in my mouth, licking the fluid from his tip, before sliding my mouth over him further. He tasted like him and _me_. I hadn't really thought about the fact that he would have tasted like me from our lovemaking earlier. The thought of his scent mixing with mine and filling my senses drove me crazy and I thrust my mouth down further sucking and licking him fully. He was so hot and hard in my mouth and I could feel his pulse on my tongue. I heard a guttural moan escape his mouth and his hand reached down and grabbed my hair and pulled firmly.

"Oh...ah…Bella…fuck…" His words rushed together, not making any real sense, but I understood, entirely, what he was trying to convey.

Keeping him in my mouth, but not moving, I lifted my eyes and he was looking at me with what could only be described as raw desire. The passion I felt from him furthered my efforts as I continued sucking him, sliding my wet mouth over his cock and swirling my tongue around his tip before I plunged down again to repeat the process. I felt him touch the back of my throat, so I relaxed my muscles as much as I could and allowed him to slide in all the way.

"Bella…baby…fuck me…oh…what are you doing to me?"

His words pressed me even further. I pushed up on my knees so that I was leaning over him, never once releasing him from my mouth. One hand was around the base of his cock and I reached the other one down to cup and squeeze his balls. This elicited a hiss from him that only encouraged me more. I pulled my mouth up and gently scraped my teeth along his length. I was completely consumed with him. He was gripping the sheets on the bed and saying my name over and over. I was so aroused by his response. He was so eager and needy.

I felt his hand slip in between my folds from behind. I moaned around him at the contact, causing a tremor to run through his body. His hand was shaking as he tried to control his movement. His middle finger found my clit, stroking in small circles, and his palm pressed into my sex. It was slightly awkward, but he felt so good touching me. I rubbed myself harder into his hand, trying to help us achieve a shared rhythm.

"Baby…you're so…uhh...wet…so soft….so fucking beautiful"

I was so aroused; I knew was going to come almost immediately, simply because he was touching me. Not to mention his words. I grew more intense while I sucked him and he became more vocal in his responses.

"Jesus…oh…Bella…I need you to…I'm gonna….uhh…"

The orgasm that came to me shook me so completely, but I couldn't cry out because just as I came, he thrust his hips forward and released into my mouth in several long streams. My throat constricted and I swallowed everything he gave me. He whimpered my name over and over, and then stilled his hand, as I continued to suck him softly as we both came down from our climax.

When I pulled my mouth from him, I placed tiny kisses underneath his navel and down onto his thighs.

"Bella, you're so beautiful," I heard him say. He mumbled something else, but I couldn't understand it all.

I sat up and turned around and Edward pulled me on top of him and kissed me. I could feel his heart pounding underneath my chest and I wondered if he could feel mine. One of his hands was fisted in my hair that, now hung all around our faces, and the other pressed my back, so that my breasts pressed into his chest. We were both still panting through our kisses, but it was as if neither of us wanted to come up for air. I pulled back first.

"I'd say I'm sorry for waking you up in the middle of the night, but I'm not." I gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek and I could feel the rumble of his chest from his quiet laughter.

"We're not doing the whole apology thing…remember?" he said, as his hand slipped down to cup my bottom.

"I actually _do_ remember, Mr. Cullen."

"Bella, you amaze me more and more as every moment passes. That was…you were...Jesus, Bella! You are amazing."

"I couldn't help myself," I said as I laid my head against his chest. "I'd never wanted to do _that_ so much in my life."

"You can do _that_ anytime the desire strikes you," he said as he pushed my hair to the side so he could look down at me. "Bella?"

"Mmm…?"

"Do you think you can sleep like this?"

"Umm…I don't know…why?"

"Because, I'm not going to let you go for the rest of the night," he said as he pulled me closer.

His words made my whole body tingle with affection and the remnant desire I still felt for him.

"We don't have to stay like this for you to hold me all night, Edward." I told him softy. He couldn't possibly hold me in this same position all night long.

"You're right, but can I at least keep you here like this for a little while longer?"

"You can hold me like this as long as you want to." I smiled against his chest and lifted my mouth back up to his, plying his lips with sweet kisses.

"You have no idea what you do to me…what you've done _for_ me," he said.

"I only know what you do forme." I responded timidly, honestly.

"And what is that?"

Remembering his words to me from our first date, I told him gently, but assuredly. "You don't make me apologize for who I am."

"Never, Bella," he said in a low voice, with conviction. "Who you are is _beautiful_ and _intelligent_ and _complicated_ and _passionate_. Why would I ever make you apologize for that?"

"Thank you."

I had no other words.

We stayed like that in each other's arms for a while longer. It was quiet, but I knew he was still awake. Every so often, he would run his hand up and down my back.

"Edward?" I murmured.

"Yes?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Of course."

Even though he couldn't see, I knew a blush covered my body and he could tell.

"What is it Bella?" he asked, as he kissed my neck and shoulders.

"I liked it when you called me 'baby' tonight." It was no more than a whisper.

"And this embarrasses you?"

"Well…no…yes…I don't know."

"Why would that embarrass you?"

"No one has ever called me that…and, I think I always found that word more debasing than endearing when I heard other people say it."

"And, what did you feel when _I_ said it?"

"I don't know," I groaned lightly, wishing I hadn't said anything. "I guess I _liked_ it…I like that _you_ said it…about _me_."

He chuckled, and the sound of it warmed my entire body.

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Crazy? No," he said. "Although, I have to say, if you hadn't liked it, you wouldn't have been able to hold it against me."

"Why is that?"

"My cock was surrounded by your hot, wet, little mouth at the time, and I can't be held accountable for anything that came out of mine while that was happening." I smiled into his chest at his words.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Can _I _tell _you_ something?"

"Of course."

"I liked calling you baby too."

I had told him he could hold me as long as he wanted to, and I meant it. After a few more minutes, he finally rolled me onto my side facing away from him, but he pressed up next to me from behind, wrapping his arms around me tightly and burying his face in my neck. I'd never felt more cherished.

***************

When we woke up the next morning, I sent Edward home to get ready because we had to meet Alice and Jasper for brunch, and he didn't have anything here. He tried to convince me to bring my things and get ready with him at his place, but I told him that would be silly, and that he would see me in an hour. He kissed me at my door, lingering just a little longer than he should have before he left, and I couldn't help but watch him as he walked down the hall to the elevator.

I texted Alice to let her know that we were still on for brunch, and I started getting ready. I showered quickly, drying off afterward and pulling on a half slip over my body to wear while I did make-up and hair. My make-up was finished and I was blow drying my hair. I had just enough time to get dressed and meet Edward in the lobby. I put on a tailored pair of jeans, a crew neck top, a beige sweater wrap and brown leather ankle boots. I sprayed some perfume, grabbed my bag and headed out the door.

When I got to the lobby, Edward was already there waiting on me like a Greek god. Was there _nothing_ that he didn't look good in? He decided to wear jeans too, but he had a woven shirt under a black sports coat. He looked casual and the look suited him. He had, obviously, shaved when he went home. I momentarily missed his sexy stubble, but I could wait to nuzzle his smooth jaw either. As I approached him, he broke out in a huge smile that made my stomach do a somersault. I returned it with a big cheesy grin of my own. I was so happy to be with him again.

"You look beautiful…as always," he said taking my hands into his. I blushed and told him that he looked good too.

"I missed you," he said as Mr. Caplin opened the door.

"You were only gone for an hour."

"Yes, but my shower was lonely."

"Do you shower with people regularly?" I asked, teasing him. "Because, you've never actually showered with me."

"No," he said. "But the image I have of showering with you is enough to make me miss it."

We arrived at his car and he opened the passenger door and let me in, before walking around to his side. As he pulled out, he reached over and took my hand. It was such a small gesture, but once again, a feeling of happiness washed over me and I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. Edward noticed.

"I love seeing you smile like that," he said. "I don't know what I've done to deserve it, but if you tell me, I promise to do it all the time."

"It's everything and nothing all at the same time. I don't know if I can really explain it," I said looking at him. "I guess I just realized that you're really here…with me, and yesterday all seems like it's so far away. I mean, I thought I wouldn't really see you again, but then…you were there in my room…and, of course, last night…" I let my words trail off and I blushed as I remembered every part of my time with him last night.

"Ah, well, last night _was_ pretty amazing."

"It was."

We spent the rest of the drive on a comfortable silence, with the exception of the music Edward was playing in his car. He seemed lost in thought about something, but he, never once, took his hand from mine until we had to park.

When we arrived, Alice and Jasper were already there. As we walked up to the table, I noticed how close they were sitting to each other. Jasper was whispering something in her ear and she smiled the most brilliant smile. I knew that smile. I'd smiled that smile just a few moments earlier. They saw our approach and I saw Jasper try to discreetly remove his hand from Alice's leg. I laughed to myself and Edward leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"Care to let me in on the joke, Bella?"

"I'll tell you later," I replied quickly.

"I won't forget to ask you _later_, then."

Edward pulled out my chair and took his seat beside me. He reached over and took my hand in his, but he wasn't trying to be all covert like he was just two nights ago. He just did it like it was the most natural thing in the world; like he'd been holding my hand for years, not days. It felt comfortable. It felt right. I observed Jasper giving Edward a knowing glance and I wondered what he was thinking. I didn't get a chance to wonder long, because Alice announced that she needed to go to the ladies room and insisted that I join her. We stood up and Alice told the guys to order us mimosas to drink.

When we reached the ladies room, Alice pulled me into a tight hug. He eyes were sparkling and her skin was radiant. I tried to remember a time that I'd ever seen her in such high spirits. She was almost floating. I wondered briefly, if that was what I looked like to her. I was as close to blissful as I ever remembered being.

"Oh, Bella," she exclaimed. "I'm in love!"

_In love_? What did she mean, she was in love? She'd only known him for two days!

"What do you mean you're in love?" I asked her, incredulously.

"_Bella_!" she said my name with even more exuberance than before. "I _love_ him!"

My mind was racing. There was no way she could be in love with him! Alice had always been impulsive, whimsical even, but even _she_ couldn't think she was in love with a man she'd only known for two days. She must have noticed the internal struggle I was having with her revelation.

"Bella," she said my name softly, looking me directly in the eye, making sure I was listening. "I love him. He's the one. _The_. _One_." She said each would separately and distinctly. "I _know_ he's the one…Jasper is my soul mate."

"Alice, how can you _know_ he's _the one_?" I asked her, trying to be the voice of reason. "You've only known him for two days. You can _know_ that you are attracted to him. You can _know_ you enjoy spending time with him. _Hell_, you can _even know_ that you like his disheveled blonde hair…but, you _cannot know_ that he is _the one_ yet!"

"Listen, Bella. I know this might be…" she paused as if she were trying to find the right word. "…_difficult_ for you to understand, but _I know_. I am in love with Jasper Hale, and I am going to marry him one day."

"Marry him?" I all but screeched at her. "He didn't ask you to marry him…did he?"

She was laughing in full now, her melodic giggles filling the small space we were standing in.

"No," she said, with a far off gleam in her already, bright eyes. "But he will."

I stood there, basically gaping at her, trying to wrap my mind around her words. She really believed what she was saying. There was no doubt in her mind at all. I'd never seen her so convinced of anything. I also realized that I was ruining this moment for her with my negativity, and that made me a pretty awful best friend.

"Alice I'm sorry, you're right. If you say he's the one…he's the one." I hugged her gently and kissed her cheek. "I promise; Debbie Downer has made her _last_ appearance of the day." She giggled at my lame, little joke.

"I know you think I'm crazy, Bella, but this is the real deal for me."

"Well, then, I couldn't be happier for you," I told her sincerely.

"Good, now, let's get back out there before they start to wonder if we tried to make an escape!"

Brunch was wonderful. Once we returned to the table, it was fairly apparent that Jasper had a similar discussion with Edward about his feelings for Alice. The conversation between the four of us flowed as freely as the mimosas. Alice embarrassed me by telling the guys that I had a crush on both Chris Martin and Brandon Flowers, which Jasper found hilarious for some reason. Edward embarrassed Jasper by telling us that he used to stay home on Wednesday nights to watch Dawson's Creek when they were in college. Alice talked about what her immediate plans were regarding the move, and we found out that Jasper was actually going to fly out to visit her the following weekend to help her pack. Edward didn't seem surprised by this, which confirmed my suspicion that Jasper had talked to him about his feelings for Alice.

Edward made a point of reaching over to touch me, hold my hand or stroke my leg all throughout the meal. He was constantly in contact with me. Every time he would touch me, I would feel the same spark I always felt. We would occasionally catch each other's eyes when no one was watching us, and he would always have that same look of intensity. Even when he was smiling or playful, the intensity continually remained.

I asked Alice is she wanted me to drive her to the airport, but she told me that Jasper was going to take her. I should have figured that out before I'd even asked. I was beginning to think that they might actually be as serious as Alice said they were, and that made me wonder if Jasper was truly good enough for my best friend. I had to hope that anyone she loved, I would love too, even though I still had a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that she was able to _love_ him already.

When we were getting ready to leave, Edward pulled me close to his side and whispered in my ear.

"Since Jasper is taking Alice, we can spend the day together." I looked up at him and smiled. "That is, if you want to," he added, and his uncertainty was probably the cutest thing I'd ever seen. I fought the urge to kiss him right in the middle of the restaurant.

"Where else would I want to be?"

The answering smile he gave me tugged at my rapidly beating heart, which increased in pace as he leaned in to kiss me. His lips lingered on mine, and I hummed, contentedly, into his mouth. I realized that Alice and Jasper were watching our not-so-intimate moment, and I blushed furiously. Edward just chuckled at my obvious embarrassment, and allowed me to pull away.

***************

We all drove back to my apartment after we left the restaurant so that Alice could get her things before leaving for the airport. I hugged her tightly as we stood in my doorway, missing her already.

"Just two more weeks, and I'll be back," she said. "Besides, I think you'll have more than enough to keep you busy." She looked over to Edward knowingly.

"I know," I told her. "I can't wait to have my best friend here with me."

"And I can't wait to be here with mine," she responded.

We said our goodbyes, and I hugged her one last time before they left.

I closed the door behind her and turned around to look at the beautiful man, who was there waiting for me. It didn't matter how many times I saw him, he always seemed to take my breath away. He crossed the distance between us in a few long strides and took me in his arms and kissed me.

"What would you like to do today?" he asked against my lips.

"I don't have a preference."

"Well, in that case, I was hoping that maybe you would like to spend the afternoon at my place and I could make you dinner tonight."

"That sounds wonderful…wait…" I exclaimed, surprised by his offer. "You cook?"

"Of course, I can cook," he told me, nuzzling in my ear. "Why do you ask?"

"It's just that your kitchen didn't look like it was used very often."

"That's because it's _not_ used very often," he said simply. "But, Bella, just because I don't use it all the time, doesn't mean I don't know how to use it." His voice was husky and low. I couldn't tell for sure, but there seemed to be some double meaning behind his words.

***************

I sat on the couch in Edward's apartment, sipping iced tea. He'd offered me a glass of wine, but since I had the mimosas that morning, I didn't want to risk a headache. Apparently, Edward could do all sorts of things in the kitchen, like cook and brew fabulous iced tea. We talked for a little while about Alice and Jasper. He remembered to ask me what I was laughing at when we first got to the restaurant. I told him that I'd seen Jasper removing his hand from her leg, when he was trying so hard to be discreet. It made him laugh, and I laughed along with him. I wondered if he would tell me about anything Jasper had said to him at brunch. He, of course, didn't. I couldn't really be upset about it, since I would never have betrayed Alice like that either. If anything, it only made me like him more.

At some point, we shifted on the couch. Edward was leaning against one side and I was pressed up against him. His arms were loosely circled around my waist and my fingers were mingled with his. Edward peppered me with questions about random things. I fired back questions to him as well. We talked about everything and nothing all at the same time. He listened to me intently, hanging on every word, and I wondered how he could really find me all that interesting. It was nice to get to know some more things about him, even though he still seemed like such a mystery to me at times. Occasionally, he would bend down and kiss me, on the top of my head, on my cheek, or on my neck. My heart rate would always spike and he even though he would laugh at my response, I could tell that he was as affected by me as well.

He leaned down, after a while and whispered in my ear. I was learning that this was one of his favorite things to do. I wondered if he liked to do it because of the response it inevitably triggered from me.

"I was wondering if you would like me to play the piano for you." It was more of a question than a statement.

"I would love that, Edward." I looked up at him and smiled. "Really."

He stood up and walked over to the piano and began playing the most beautiful song. I didn't recognize it at first, but after a few bars, I knew it was one of Chopin's Nocturnes. I just didn't know which one. Edward played beautifully, it was surreal sitting there watching him and listening to him play the piano. Things like this didn't happen in real life. The song continued and I closed my eyes and focused on the music, allowing it to flood my senses and flow through me. The song eventually ended, but before reality set back in, he started to play another song. I immediately walked over and sat next to him on the bench. He slid over and made room for me, never once stopping playing.

"Wow. Chopin to Beethoven. You're very talented, Edward."

"You recognized them both?" He seemed surprised.

"Well, I didn't know which number the Nocturne was, but I knew I'd heard it, and who doesn't know Moonlight Sonata?"

"Well, the Nocturne was number two, and Moonlight Sonata _is_ one of my favorites."

He was so close to me on the bench, and honestly, watching him play for me was unbelievably sexy. I placed my hand on his leg and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek as he continued to play. I felt his breathing hitch, and I celebrated the thought that, _yes_, I _did_ affect him like he affected me. Maybe not as much, or as intensely, _but I did_.

The song eventually morphed into something I recognized immediately. He was totally playing "Clocks" by Coldplay. I started to laugh, and asked him, "Are you making fun of me?"

"No, actually, I was trying to impress you." He looked over and winked at me. "Alice said that you had a crush on Chris Martin."

"Yes, well, I can say, without hesitation, that Chris Martin holds nothing on you, Edward." His eyes darkened as the words fell from my mouth, and I took in a shaky breath.

"Which song is your favorite?" he asked, his voice a little lower than before. He had stopped playing and was turned to face me on the bench.

"Yellow."

"He smiled and said, "I thought you might say that."

"What? Were you expecting me to say Viva La Vida or something?" I giggled.

"No. Women, just always love that song."

"Well, I was eighteen and a freshman in college when that song came out. I was quite enamored with it, I have to admit. What girl doesn't relate to a song about unrequited love?"

"Why unrequited love?" he asked. "It seems to me that love of the unrequited nature is rather sad. The person with the feelings is in love by themselves. It's one sided, not reciprocated."

"Well, yes," I said, and thought about what to say next. I wanted to explain it properly and his nearness was making it hard for me to think clearly. "But, that's the wonderful thing about the song," I mused. "In writing it and singing it, he's admitting to her how he feels…and how he feels is beautiful." He looked like he was thinking about what I'd said.

"Plus, it has one of the sexiest lines ever in any song," I added.

"Which line is that?" The moment he asked the question I was embarrassed and all of the blood in my body rushed to my face.

"Am _I_ making you blush, or is Chris Martin?"

"Both," I admitted.

"Tell me the line, Bella."

I drew a breath and looked at him.

"_Your skin and bones turn into something beautiful."_ My voice shook as I spoke the words.

I thought he was going to kiss me. He leaned in so close to my face and I felt my lips part in anticipation. Every inch of my body was tingling from way I ached for him. Instead, he turned back to the piano and began to play the softest version of my favorite song, singing the words I'd just said. He looked at me as he sang, and before he could sing the next line of the song where the love is confessed, I placed my fingers over his mouth to quiet him.

"Don't," I said softly.

"What?" he asked, confused; his eyes intense with his passion.

"Please, don't do that." I looked at him anxiously. "Please don't say _that_ word," I pleaded with him. "I'm not Alice and you're not Jasper, and I'm not ready for that word yet. I'm just not there and I don't want to hear that word from you this soon…like that."

I looked at him, holding his gaze. I'd said too much and I was afraid I ruined the moment, but he just pulled me to him and kissed me. I tried to pour every ounce of emotion I felt into the kiss. I might not feel love yet, but I felt desire, longing and passion of my own. I could show him that. His lips were soft, but determined. His breath tasted like the mint from the tea and I opened my mouth to him further, allowing him complete access. I'd never been kissed the way Edward kissed me. Every time was different, but still the same. There was need in this kiss, and I tried to give him whatever it was he was seeking.

***************

The rest of our day was filled with more of the same. Once we moved away from the piano, Edward made me feel completely comfortable and at ease. If he had wanted to continue the conversation, he never acknowledged it. Dinner was wonderful. He made pasta and we drank red wine. Edward, true to his word, was a wonderful cook. We kissed and cuddled on the couch and laughed a lot more than we had before.

"Please stay with me tonight," he said, his eyes smoldering.

"Edward, I want to, but I can't. I still have reports I have to go over tonight to prepare for my day tomorrow." I did want to stay with him. Every fiber of my being, longed to be with him.

"You could do that here."

"I can't focus on anything but you when you're near me," I said; surprisingly honest in my response. "Tomorrow is important to me, important for the store. I need to be prepared."

"Alright," he said, reluctantly. "Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night after work?"

"Of course," I said before I kissed him gently on his full lips. "Yes. I'd love that."

Edward took me home and I spent the rest of my evening pouring over reports and analyzing every aspect of the store's business. Between the small print of the reports and the glare from my laptop, I was beginning to get a slight headache. I took some ibuprofen and crawled into bed to get some sleep. Just as I was beginning to drift, I heard my phone chirp. It was a text from Edward.

"_My bed is lonely without you."_

I texted him back immediately.

"Just like your shower."

"_Yes, but I know what you feel like in my bed. I don't have to imagine it. I can remember it."_

I was instantly wet the moment I read his words. Somebody wanted to play. We could play just a little bit, couldn't we? I texted back again.

"I remember what you felt like in mine. Do you want me to tell you what I remember?"

"_Call me."_

I called him the moment I read the words. He didn't even say hello.

"What do you remember?" he asked in a low, rough voice. This would not be slow building. He was, clearly, affected and ready. I considered what to say, and seized my opportunity to surprise him with my words. Shock him, even.

"I remember you thick and hard and hot against my tongue." My voice was breathy and excited. "You made me so wet, I was sloppy."

I heard him whimper into the phone.

"Bella, baby, fuck! I'm so hard," he panted. "Are you wet? Are you wet for me?"

I'd never had phone sex before. I didn't really know if I could do it; if I would do it right. So, I just decided to say whatever I thought, with no filter.

"I'm always wet for you, Edward," I purred.

"Bella, what are you wearing?"

"A tank top and some shorts," I said, hoping I wasn't supposed to say something sexier, like I was naked or that I was just in a bra and panties.

"Take them off," he said; his voice was commanding, and I found that sexier than I had any right to.

I did as I was told and I lay back down on the bed.

"I wish I was there with you," he said in a throaty voice.

I wished he was here too…I was silently cursing myself for telling him that I couldn't stay with him.

"Yeah?" I asked; my voice barely above a whisper. "What would you do?"

"Bella, I want you to rub your breasts and pinch your nipples…hard." I gasped at the way my body responded to his words. "Pinch them and pretend it's me, baby." His breathing sped. "Imagine my mouth on your breasts…sucking your nipples, biting them. Can you feel it? Can you feel what I would do to you?"

My nipples were textured and hard against my fingers. I pinched and rolled them as I moaned in reply. God, the things he was doing to me with just his words and his sexy voice! I was so turned on and breathing so loudly it was almost embarrassing.

"Edward, are you touching yourself?"

"Jesus, yes," he groaned. "Your sounds are driving me crazy." I could hear the raw desire in his voice. He was open and exposed and I wanted to make him feel good.

"Edward, I want you to imagine that it's my hand around your cock. Rubbing and stroking you. You would feel so good in my hand and I would just want to take you in my mouth and taste you." I could almost feel him in my mouth, could almost taste him.

I could hear his breathing speed up and he was making these little growls and grunts into the phone. I thought that I might come just from the sound of how much he wanted this; how much he wanted _me_.

"Bella, tell me what you want."

"I want you to touch me."

"Where, Bella?"

"I want you to touch me where I'm dripping for you."

"Bella," he said firmly. "I want you to tell me where you want my fingers."

Realization dawned and I knew what he wanted to hear. He wanted me to say the word. I knew exactly what he was looking for. It wasn't a word that I used. I think he said it on Friday night when he was licking me. I couldn't remember, but I knew he wanted me to say _that word_. I was embarrassed at the thought of saying it and I didn't know why.

"Bella, tell me where you want my fingers, and I'll let you touch yourself there." His voice was pleading. "Say it!"

I drew courage from the idea that this would turn him on further and make him happy. He wanted me to say it…so I did.

"I want you to touch my…" I hesitated for the briefest moment. "…pussy." I let out a tiny little gasp at what saying the word out loud did to me. I said it again, louder this time. "Edward, I want you to touch my pussy."

"Fuck, Bella, yes! You're so damn sexy!" An animalistic groan came from his mouth. "Touch your sweet, little pussy and pretend it's me…_my_ fingers."

And just like that, I was touching myself. It felt so good as I watched my fingers disappear inside my pink folds. I was so wet; it was seeping onto my thighs and on my sheets. It wasn't soft and gentle. I was touching myself hard and fast and I could hear him doing the same thing. I knew neither of us would last much longer. My body was screaming for release. I was beyond coherent thought at this point and could only hear mewling, kittenish sounds coming from my mouth. Edward was breathing heavily into the phone and I could hear him moving in the background. I knew I was going to come at any moment.

"Bella, baby, I'm going to come," he cried. "Come with me, Bella," he rasped. "Come now!"

At his words I came completely undone. I cried out his name over and over, and my body shuddered with the intensity of my orgasm. I curled to my side with my hand still between my legs squeezing around it. I took what felt like a few minutes for me to come down and even think about talking again. I listened as Edward's breathing returned to normal.

"Bella," he whispered; his voice was shaky. "You never stop surprising me. The way you sounded…that was…you are…incredible."

I could only manage to say his name. It escaped from my lips, no more than a breath. "Edward."

He stayed on the line for a few more minutes. No words were spoken, but I could hear him breathing, faintly, allowing me to come down even further. The connection we shared still remained between us, and I could feel it even though he wasn't here. I knew I needed to let him go, my body exhausted and completely relaxed, begged for rest. I didn't have anything clever to say, and the moment didn't exactly call for witty banter anyway. So I said the only thing my mind could conceive of in the moment.

"Goodnight Edward."

"Oh, Bella," he said softly, sweetly. "Goodnight."

Sleep took me quickly.

***************

**A/N**

**First things first. As always, I want to thank MrsKatyCullen for being my kick-ass beta! You rule the school!!!!**

**Check out my page for Retail Therapy. The link is on my page. Lots of cool pics relating to the story, and every week I'm gonna post a teaser there before I post the chapter.**

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	10. Who's The Boss

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 10

I was up, awake and out of the apartment by five-thirty on Monday morning, and I wasn't even going to yoga. I laughed silently to myself, thinking about the fact that I'd plenty of physical activity over the last few days. I wanted to be at the store by six in order to walk the store before Michael got there at eight. I still had a few reports to go over since I had just briefly looked at them last night. I made a quick stop at Starbucks on my way in, craving caffeine like the addict that I was.

I was taking a drink of my latte at the counter when a man approached me, attempting to make trite conversation about the stock market. Apparently, he was a broker named James. He was handsome, in his own right, I suppose. Tall, blonde, blue eyes; we all know the type. Five days ago, I might have engaged him in conversation, but not today. Somewhere, in an apartment across town, the most beautiful man in the world was sleeping and hopefully, dreaming of me. The thought of Edward dreaming of me, made me giddy, like a schoolgirl. I quickly excused myself from the man and proceeded to make my way out of the coffee shop. As I was leaving, I noticed him watching me.

When I got to the store, the support team was already there getting ready to start their day. I spoke with our Operations manager, Tyler, and he walked me through the merchandise flow for the week. Deliveries were coming fast and furious, and that pace would continue through Christmas. I was impressed with his plan and told him that when I did the walk-thru with Michael, I wanted him to take some time to go over his plans for fourth quarter as well.

Just as I expected, Angela had the store in perfect condition. She really was very good at her job, and I would have to make sure I thanked her later. I still felt slightly guilty for having been off over the weekend, but I understood that this was good for her growth and development. I made my way back down to the executive office and checked to ensure that the conference room was set up for Michael. I also checked to see if Angela had stocked the refrigerator with Diet Coke as he requested. She had, and once again, I felt fortunate to have such a dedicated and thorough partner in the store.

I went to my office to go over the reports and make sure that the packets for the visit were prepared. Michael liked things a certain way and he was nothing, if not regimented in his approach to all things business. I liked to think that, after working for him for so long, I had adopted the same discipline and attention to detail that he possessed. He truly had been a good leader and, most importantly, a great teacher. I never wanted to disappoint him.

It was almost seven-thirty and my executive team would be in early for the morning meeting at eight. Michael had emailed me over the weekend to let me know that he would be joining us for the meeting. I checked my make-up and hair in the little mirror I kept in my desk and headed to the conference room to prepare. As I was placing the packets on the table, the coffee and pastries I'd ordered for this morning were delivered. Pretty soon after, the executive team began to filter in and took their places.

I walked out into the main office to greet Michael, since I knew he would be arriving at any moment. Just as I was entered the hall, I saw him approaching. He was wearing a dark grey suit, looking polished as ever. Michael Newton embodied every all-American quality you could think of in a man. He was attractive. He had sandy-blonde hair and an athletic build. He looked young for his age, though I'd never really asked him how old he was. I'd always assumed he was in or around his early to mid-thirties. His smile was warm and comforting. I smiled brightly, happy to see him.

"Good morning, Michael," I said warmly.

"Good morning, Bella," he said, taking in my appearance. "You look well."

I was wearing a black skirt that was cut on the bias and gathered in the back right at my waist. I had paired it with a crisp white woven shirt with long sleeves and high collar. It was sharp and tailored and fit me perfectly. I thought, briefly, about the fact that I used to be the girl in jeans and a tee-shirt. It's funny how things change as you get older. As I grew up, I learned to embrace the femininity and curves of my body, and I like dressing to accentuate them. Alice had been so proud when I'd made this change.

"Thank you," I replied. "You look well too."

"Are we all set?"

"Yes sir, of course."

The meeting went exceedingly well and lasted precisely thirty minutes. I led the meeting, the same as I always did. Michael gave a brief business overview and discussed long-term strategy for the stores in his region. I watched the various reactions to his words as my team listened to what he was saying. I found that how they responded to what he said would be indicative of how they would approach helping me make the store successful. I needed the store to be successful. So many people thought that I couldn't handle this job, and I was determined to prove them all wrong.

After the meeting, Michael and I met briefly in my office. He sat down across the desk from me and I noticed that he had amused look on his face.

"I walked the bottom floor before I came to the meeting," he said with a smile. "I'll bet you were here all weekend preparing for today."

"Actually," I laughed. "I was off this weekend."

"Wow, I'm impressed."

"Me too," I said. "Angela was the senior here this weekend. She's very good Michael. I hope you spend some time with her today. As much as I'd hate to lose her, I think that by next year she'll be ready for the next step."

"Really?" he asked, surprised. "I thought you would want to keep her around for a little while longer."

"Well, I would hate to lose her partnership, but a wise man once told me, 'Good leaders promote their people.'"

He smiled as I quoted the words he's told me almost four years ago and something crossed his face, pride maybe. I couldn't be sure.

"You might not have been here over the weekend, but I'll bet you were here at the crack of dawn," he said knowingly and I had to laugh. He really did know me well.

The rest of the morning went just as scheduled. We were able to complete the entire walk-thru of the first floor before lunch and I had about thirty minutes to spare. Michael was already setting himself up in the conference room and I took the opportunity to head to my office and check my email and pull today's business. My iPhone chirped on my desk and I saw that I had a text from Edward.

"_Hope your day is going well…can't stop thinking about you."_

I grinned and started typing my response.

"Today's been productive and good. Thank you for hoping."

I purposely didn't address his last comment. I was hoping to elicit a response from him. It worked.

"_And?"_

I laughed at his predictable yet completely adorable response, but I was done toying with him.

"And…I can't stop thinking about you either."

"_Are we still on for dinner tonight?"_

"Absolutely. Pick me up at 7."

"_Pack a bag. You will be staying with me tonight."_

"Bossy much?"

"_You seemed to like me bossy last night."_

Suddenly, memories of last night flooded my mind. Edward had been hard and commanding. I was so turned on by the way he's spoken to me. He'd gotten me to do things…say things…I never thought I was capable of. Oh God, I _did_ like him bossy! I felt the flush creeping over my chest and up to my face. I couldn't think about this now…here. I texted back.

"Yes sir! Heading to a meeting. See you tonight."

"_I'm counting the minutes."_

I walked to the conference room, not even bothering to hide my smile.

The conference call was long and intense. There was a lot of information to go through, the company was getting more aggressive with promotions and was investing a lot more in advertising leading into the holidays. It felt strange to be on the call with Michael sitting directly in front of me. I was usually alone in my office for these things. I did what I would normally do, as I was taking notes and writing in my planner the whole time.

I would have to have a planning meeting with Angela and Tyler to ensure that we were prepared to handle the additional workload. I budgeted a small amount of money for holiday support staffing, but not as much as the store had spent last year. My plan was to spend the extra money we had available on sales staff, instead. My theory being that customer service and selling had to take precedence. If we were going to be profitable, we would not only have to make sales plan, but we would also have to flex spending as much as possible.

During the call, I noticed Michael looking at me with a peculiar expression. He was speaking, so I couldn't ask him what he was thinking, if anything was wrong. I focused myself and continued to take notes and plan the upcoming weeks. A few moments later, he motioned his head towards my note pad and reached his hand out as if he wanted me to hand it to him. I reached it across the table and watched as he effortlessly read my notes and lead the call simultaneously. Yes, he was the master of multi-tasking. I listened in horror as he said my name.

"As you know, I'm working in the downtown store today with Bella and her team. She has put together a solid plan for fourth quarter and, even though we haven't finished walking fourth quarter setup, I'm fairly certain that the store is one hundred percent complete. That is something that most of my other locations have yet to finish."

_Great! People really are going to think he's fucking me!_

I felt the blood rush to my face as emotions of mortification and pride battled inside me. He continued speaking.

"After looking over her plan, I am asking her to put together a list of her best-practices and she will be presenting it," he looked at me to confirm my response, without pausing. I nodded in agreement, stunned. "to all General Managers and VPs at the annual Holiday Meeting in two weeks."

Michael continued on, much to my realization and subsequent shock. After the call was over, he looked over at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry to have sprung that on you with no advance warning, but, Bella, your planning, from what I can tell, is flawless. If everyone approaches this season with the same determination and strategic thinking, we could end up in the black. And in this economy, that would be quite an accomplishment."

"You're right. I know you're right," I said, resigned to the fact that this was happening, and secretly, completely happy that he had chosen me to do it." I deserved this kind of recognition.

"This will be good for your career, Bella," he said matter-of-factly. "Some of the board members will be there. This will give you the kind of exposure to them that you need in order to move forward. Your professional record speaks for itself, but I know that you're well aware that politics play a huge part in being promoted once you get to a certain level."

I thought about what he said, knowing that he was right. I knew that I was more than capable of doing this and I was beginning to realize that it didn't matter what people would think. Of course, it still pissed me off to a great degree, but I knew the truth. I wasn't going to allow anyone to diminish this for me with their disgusting assumptions. I suddenly had the urge to tell Edward my good news. It surprised me that I would think of him in that moment, but I wanted to celebrate my good news with him. I couldn't wait until dinner.

**************

The rest of the afternoon went amazingly well. Michael finished walking set-up and was pleased with the outcome. He spent some time with Angela talking about career planning and offered her some advice on what she still needed to work on, as well as meeting with Tyler and giving him praise for the outstanding job that he was doing. He did a roundtable with my executive staff in the afternoon, aligning them to the priorities of the company. I watched as they listened to what he said, and asked bright and thoughtful questions. I was so proud of my team and, if I'm being honest, I was more than a little proud of myself.

As the day wore on, I found myself looking at my watch, counting the minutes until seven, just like Edward said he would be. I realized that, for the first time in a long time, I was _completely_ happy, both personally and professionally. This was something that had eluded me for my entire adult life; happiness in one, usually meant sacrifice in the other. I had always chosen my career over everything in my personal life. I'd left friends behind for promotions and had basically given up any hope of having a romantic relationship. That had all changed now. Alice was moving here in two weeks and would finally be a part of my daily life, not just a phone call here and there or the occasional weekend trip. And then, there was Edward. _Edward. _Just thinking his name warmed me completely. I knew it was too early in the relationship to be thinking like this, but I couldn't help but think that I had finally found someone that I was willing to make it work with, willing to make sacrifices for.

I popped into the conference room at a little before five to check in with Michael one last time before he left. He looked up as he typed on his laptop.

"Hey," he said. "I was thinking maybe we could go get a drink and discuss the Holiday Meeting in further detail."

"Um," I started. I had my date with Edward and he was picking me up at seven. He seemed to pick up on my hesitation.

"It's just that I know I won't be able to make it back down to the store before the meeting, but if you have plans, I completely understand."

I thought about what he said. It was only five and that would give me plenty of time to have a drink with him and make it back to my apartment and pack a bag before Edward picked me up. My career was more important than changing clothes and reapplying make-up.

"Well, I do have plans," I explained. "But not until later. A drink would be great. Just let me finish a few things up in my office and I'll meet you at the door in five minutes."

"Great."

I walked back to my office and got my things. I picked up my iPhone and thought about calling Edward, but decided to text him instead, not wanting to bother him if he was still working, but still wanting him to know that I was thinking about him. I looked at the clock and did some quick math in my head.

"116 minutes to go. I'm counting too."

I placed the phone in my purse and headed out to meet Michael.

I decided to take him to a little bar close to my building, that way I could get home quickly when we finished. We sat down at the bar and he ordered a single malt scotch and I ordered a dirty martini. I always drank dirty martinis when I was hungry. I liked to eat the olives. We fell into easy conversation about the day and the upcoming meeting.

"The store is doing great, Bella."

"Thank you," I said. "It wasn't easy at first, but I feel like I've built a solid team that will deliver results."

"I think so too," he agreed. "When we were walking the store today, I was so impressed that you were already completely set."

"Well, you know me. I'm all about flawless execution," I chided.

"You joke, but it _was_ pretty flawless. Do you remember the corporate visit we had in 2005?"

"God yes! How could I forget that?"

In 2005, about six months after I'd started working for him, we had this corporate visit; the kind of visit where everyone who's anyone comes to dissect a store to 'maximize its potential'. Michael was the VP of the store at the time and I was his Assistant Store Manager. We worked two overnights to prepare for the visit. I hadn't really slept more than a couple hours here and there for a little over two days. The morning of the visit, I realized that I didn't even have anything decent to wear since what I was wearing was pretty disgusting from working the night before. I bought a suit and a pair of shoes that morning and did my hair makeup at one of the cosmetic bays. It wasn't perfect, but I have to admit, I pulled it off quite nicely.

"I'll never forget that moment," he said, trying to stifle his laughter. "There we were, walking through Ready to Wear and you passed out, right in the middle of Donna Karan!" He was laughing in full now, and I joined in. "I thought you were going to hit your head on a shop fixture!"

"I was so exhausted, and then _horrified_ once I came to!"

"Yeah, and you just politely excused yourself and went to get a cup of coffee. Before I knew it, you were right next to me in the Men's Store talking about gross margin and product sell-thru, like nothing had even happened."

I was laughing hysterically as I remembered the events of that disastrous day. I was so afraid that I would never be promoted again after that.

"That was when I knew. Did you know that?" he said, suddenly serious.

"When you knew what?" I asked, wiping the tears from my eyes that had formed while I was laughing.

"That was the day I knew exactly how extraordinarily successful you would be in this business."

"What do you mean?" I asked, taking a drink of my martini.

"I saw your hard work and determination on that day and the days leading up to that visit. I hadn't seen anyone that driven, actually, well, since myself."

I smiled at his compliment. I knew I was a hard working, dedicated person. It was nice to be validated by someone I respected so much; someone who understood what it is I have to do every day.

"Well, I had a great teacher."

"Thank you," he said as he reached over and put his hand on top of mine. "But, Bella, everything you have achieved is to your own credit. Great leaders are able to inspire their teams to be their best, day in and day out. They also have the ability to make tough decisions that not everyone will agree with, and they can back up those decisions with logical reasoning." He squeezed my hand gently. "You possess all these qualities and numerous more. You, Bella, are truly a great leader. I may have taught you a lot over the years, but _that_ is something you can't learn. That is something you _are_."

I blushed at his words and he removed his hand from mine, sensing that he'd made me uncomfortable.

"Thank you, Michael. It means a lot that you think so much of me."

Michael's phone rang and he excused himself. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was a little after six. This was perfect. I would make it home in plenty of time to meet Edward. My heart fluttered at the thought of being with him so soon. I glanced around the room, waiting for Michael to return, anxious to leave. Across the bar, I saw a dark haired man looking at me with the most unusual expression. He was striking; very handsome and _huge_. He continued looking at me, almost like he knew me. I knew I'd never met him before though. The way he was watching me was making me uncomfortable. I looked away from him to the left and the whole world came to a screeching halt.

My heart dropped from my chest.

***************

**A/N**

**Sorry for the cliff…had to be done. *Crossing my fingers that you'll all forgive me.* I know this chapter was a bit shorter than the last few, but to make it up to you, I posted early and will post Chapter 11 on Thursday. See, I really do love you guys!**

**I got some comments about Bella from the last chapter. Some of you don't understand her deal. Yes, she has issues, but who of us doesn't? I hope this chapter gave you a little more insight into her character. **

**Please leave me some love and review! I love and respond to them all…and you know you'll get an advance look at the next chapter!**

**As always, huge thanks and love to my beta, MrsKatyCullen! She's taking time (on her vacation) to beta the next chapter for me, so that I am able to give you an extra chapter this week. Yeah, she's crazy awesome like that!**


	11. Mine, Yours

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Othello is William Shakespeare

No copyright infringement is intended.

_I glanced around the room, waiting for Michael to return. Across the bar, I saw a dark haired man looking at me with the most unusual expression. He was striking; very handsome and huge. He continued looking at me, almost like he knew me. I knew I'd never met him before though. I looked away from him to the left and the whole world came to a screeching halt._

_My heart dropped from my chest._

Chapter 11

"_Oh beware, my lord, of jealousy. _

_It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on."_

_~William Shakespeare_

Edward's piercing green eyes were staring directly into mine. At first I was happy to see him, until I realized that he looked angry. Why would he be angry? I continued to look at him; I could see his breathing was heavy, the undulation of his chest pronounced. His nostrils flared slightly and his hand was clenched into a fist on the bar. He wasn't angry, he was furious.

"This couldn't possibly have anything to do with me," I thought to myself, naively.

_I was wrong._

I watched in bewilderment, as he stood up. The man he was with gripped his elbow and said something to him that I couldn't make out. He began to make his way across the bar to me; a look that combined both the anger from before with deliberate resolve crossed his face. All the air left my lungs and I suddenly felt anxious, and I didn't understand why the thought of talking to Edward would make me uneasy, what could possibly give me even an ounce of apprehension. This was Edward; the same Edward that I had spent every free moment of my day thinking about. As he got closer to me, I turned in the stool so that I could face him, taking in a deep breath to steady my nerves.

Finally, he was standing directly in front of me and I lifted my eyes to meet his. Even in my confusion, I still felt the need to reach out and touch him, simply from his proximity.

"Hey," I said, tentatively reaching out to take his hand. The moment my fingers grazed his, he jerked his hand away as if I had burned him. I was startled by his action, completely caught off guard and hurt. "What are you doing here?" I managed to ask.

"I could ask you the same thing." There was no velvet in his voice this time. No, his voice dripped with sarcasm and something else, something I couldn't quite identify. I still didn't understand what was going on with him. I felt like there was some joke that was simply over my head, and, like a child, I needed someone to explain it to me.

"Edward, what are you talking about?" I asked, defensively.

"Really, Bella?" he asked through clenched teeth. "It would appear to me that you would understand _precisely_ why I would ask why you are here." The lilt of sarcasm was still prevalent in his voice. "You're supposed to be meeting _me_ tonight."

"Yes, I _am_ supposed to meet you tonight." I agreed. "But, not for like, forty more minutes," I said, looking down at my watch. I thought about his words. There was something off about what he'd said. It was the way he said 'me'. He was trying to make a point, but I still didn't get it. "Edward, what's going on with you?"

Before he could answer, Michael came back over to the bar. He looked to me and then to Edward. I noticed Edward take a posturing stance and realization danced lightly in the corners of my mind. Michael brought his eyes back to me and said, "I'm sorry, Bella. Am I interrupting something?"

"Of course not, Michael," I said in the most even tone I could manage. I didn't know, for sure, what was going on with Edward, but I was uncomfortable with the tension between us and I didn't want Michael to pick up on it. I decided to introduce them, but before I could open my mouth to begin the introduction, Edward spoke.

"No," he said, his voice terse. "It appears that_ I_ am the one who has interrupted."

I looked at him, completely shocked at his words. He was embarrassing me…in front of my boss! That was absolutely unnecessary and uncalled for. What the fuck was his problem? I knew in that moment, that I had to take control of the situation.

"Michael," I said, looking at him. "This is my friend, Edward Cullen." I then turned to Edward, silently pleading with him to not make things worse. "Edward, this Michael Newton…_my boss_." I emphasized the 'my boss' part, in hopes that Edward would back the fuck off and control himself. Edward's eyes widened a bit at my words. Michael extended his hand to Edward and Edward looked at him, pausing momentarily, before reaching out his own hand.

The two of them shook hands briefly. The exchange was awkward, though, maybe only for me. Edward maintained the glowering look on his still, perfect face and Michael, being the observant person he was, picked up on Edward's unsubtle demeanor. He turned to look at me and placed a hand on my elbow. Edward's breathing hitched and his hands clenched into fists at his side as he watched him touch me. It wasn't until that moment, that I understood what was going on. Edward was _jealous_! I couldn't believe I hadn't fully realized it sooner.

"Bella," Michael said in an understanding, albeit confused tone. "I hate to cut this short, but I really should be heading out."

"Are you sure?" I asked, not wanting to seem rude. I was ashamed of Edward's behavior and even though I finally knew why he was acting this way, it certainly didn't excuse it. He had no right to do this to me! I told him that Michael was my boss, yet, he was still behaving like a mother-fucking Neanderthal! Part of me wanted to leave now that Michael was leaving, but I knew that would only make things worse. With the way Edward was already acting, he would probably say something else. I couldn't risk that.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I have another early morning tomorrow."

"I'll walk you out," I said, standing up.

"That's not necessary, Bella," he said before turning to Edward. "It was nice meeting you Edward." He didn't offer his this time and I cringed internally as I considered what he must be thinking. Edward just nodded. He turned back to me and said, "I'll see you in two weeks at the meeting. The corporate office is handling the hotel reservations. You'll be coming a day earlier so we can go over your presentation."

"That sounds good," I said, positioning myself between him and Edward. "Thank you for the opportunity, Michael. I won't disappoint you."

"You never do," he said, smiling. "I'll talk to you later in the week."

He turned to walk away, looking at Edward again. I couldn't see the expression on his face. I could only imagine what he was thinking. This was _not_ how I wanted this day to end. I waited until he had walked out of the bar before I turned back to Edward. I decided to count to ten before I spoke. I didn't even know if I _should_ speak. My blood was boiling just below the surface; I was angry, but I needed to remain calm.

I took a deep breath as I lifted my eyes to meet his. I don't know what I expected to see in his eyes. Would I see regret, penitence or shame? Whatever it was I expected, I didn't find. He stood there, indignant and seething. I could have counted to a thousand; it wouldn't have mattered. I still wouldn't have been able to control the next words from my mouth.

"What the fuck is your problem?" My voice was controlled, but abrasive.

"_My_ problem?" he hissed.

"Yes, _your_ problem! How could you act like that? He was my boss!" I was barely aware that we were still in a public place.

"Yeah, and I'm just your _friend_, right?" The way he spat the word friend, caused a twinge in my heart.

"What did you want me to say, Edward? Should I have called you my boyfriend? Jesus, we're not seventeen!" A range of emotions flashed in his eyes at my words. I recognized some of them, but there was something else there; I couldn't get a read on his emotions.

"Your friend, Bella?" he snapped back. "You should have made it clear to him who I was to you." He was speaking through clenched teeth.

"Really, Edward? What exactly are you to me? I wasn't aware that we had defined it yet." My voice was increasing in volume, and I was on the verge of saying or doing something I would regret. Providence intervened in the form of the same man who had been looking at me from across the room earlier.

I watched as he took Edward's elbow in his hand, trying to get his attention. Edward jerked his arm back and glared at the man.

"Uh…just thought I'd let you guys know that you're being a little loud." He said in a low voice, almost as if he were trying to make a point. "People are watching you two." He gave Edward a knowing look and then turned to look at me.

"Hello, I'm Emmett, Edward's big brother." He chuckled at his own joke. Up close, he was even bigger than I thought he was when I'd noticed him earlier. "You must be Bella," he said as he smiled warmly. "I've heard all about you." He winked at me, trying to lighten the mood I think. He extended his hand to me, and even though I was embarrassed to be meeting his brother like this, I reached out my own hand and placed it in his. His hand was warm; his grip firm, but not uncomfortable.

"It's nice to meet you Emmett," I said honestly, with as much dignity as I could gather. "I'm sorry it couldn't have been under different circumstances. Please accept my apologies." I turned to grab my purse and then I looked back to Edward. I was going to leave, but my ego wouldn't allow me to do it before I made a point.

"You see, Edward," I said sarcastically. "_That_ is how a gracious person acts when they are introduced to someone." His nostrils flared at my words and I noticed him looking at my purse. He couldn't possibly expect me to stay after everything that had happened. "Now, if you will excuse me, I'm leaving." My voice held an air of finality and I looked at him, as if I were challenging him to say something to make me stay. I didn't even know if I wanted him to. He didn't, and that cemented my resolve. I fought back the tears that I knew were coming and I turned on my heel and walked out, leaving them both standing there.

I barely made it out the door before I felt my eyes stinging with the anticipated tears. The cool air of the evening stood in complete contrast to the heat of my flushed face. I walked quickly to my car, reaching in my bag for my keys. I clicked the button, unlocking the door, and just as I reached for the handle, I felt his hand on my elbow. I didn't have to turn around to see that it was him; I could feel the same spark I always felt from his touch. I couldn't turn around. I wouldn't. I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing my tears.

"Bella, please, stop." His voice was soft and firm all at the same time. I didn't know if it was his voice, or the chill in the air, but a shiver ran down the center of my back.

"I'm leaving, Edward," I managed to say. "Please, I can't do this." I felt his hand barely tighten around my arm. I probably wouldn't have felt it if I wasn't so in tune to his touch. Even there, even then, my body responded to it and I couldn't allow it. I pulled my arm away and I felt him release his hand.

"No, Bella," he said with more force than before. "We are going to talk about this."

I reacted defensively, as I always did, spinning around to look at him. His expression wasn't as harsh as it had been, but he still didn't look apologetic either. He looked determined, and maybe something else, something I couldn't identify.

"I'm sorry Edward, but I don't think you get to tell me what to do." I fumed. "You don't have that right!"

"What were you doing here with him?"

_There it was._

Right there in those seven little words, he gave me all the information I needed. He _was_ jealous, and the irony of it all was that he would _never_ have had a reason to ever be jealous of anyone, for any reason! I had done nothing but think of him since we'd met. He'd told me that he was mine, but the truth, in all actuality, was that I was his. If I was honest with myself, I could admit that I was his long before today or even yesterday. He had completely consumed me since the first night I saw him; since before we'd ever spoken. No man could ever compete with that.

_No man ever would, and the concept of that scared me._

It still didn't excuse the way he was acting; the way he'd treated Michael. Even though he owned me completely, I was not his possession, and when he chose to behave like that in front of my boss, he disrespected me in the worst possible way. Part of me secretly loved the passion behind his response, though I would never admit to it. But, another part of me, the bigger part, deserved his respect. _Demanded it!_

"I was having a drink with my boss, Edward," I said, harsher than I wanted to. "I didn't ask you what you were doing here."

He laughed bitterly. "I was with _my brother_, Bella. It's not the same thing."

"He was my boss Edward! _My boss!_"

"He wasn't acting like your boss," he said flippantly.

That was it for me. His words shot through me and they stung. Michael hadn't done anything inappropriate, and I wasn't going to stand here and allow him to imply that he had. By insinuating that, he was basically accusing _me_ of doing something wrong. I wasn't the one in the wrong here. _He was._ I wasn't having this conversation here, in a fucking parking lot! I had already made a big enough spectacle of myself.

"I'm done," I stated simply. "I'm not doing this here. If and when you are ready to talk about this like an adult, _without insulting me_, you know where to find me."

He stood there, stunned. I didn't wait for a response. I got in my car, slammed the door and pulled away. I didn't even look back at him.

***************

When I walked into my apartment, I dropped everything in a chair. I didn't know what to expect. Would he show up? Would he call? It had only taken me a few minutes to get home. I laughed at the realization that I'd chosen the bar for that very reason. I'd wanted to get home quickly so that I could be ready to meet Edward. Why did everything always end up being so complicated with us?

I walked to the kitchen and thought about having a glass of wine. I decided to make myself a martini instead. If I was going to drink, I was going to have a _big-girl_ drink. I fucking deserved it! Just a few hours before, I'd been so excited that everything in my life was going well for the first time, and now here I was, shaking my own martini and waiting on a man I didn't even know would show up.

I was taking a drink from the oversized glass, when my phone rang. I looked at the screen and it was the front desk. My pulse sped as I answered. They confirmed I was expecting a visitor, and I told them to send him up. I took another drink to steady my nerves while I waited on him. A few moments later, I heard the knock on my door. It wasn't loud; instead, it was almost quiet, nervous even.

When I opened the door, I looked up to his face, knowing that whatever I found in his eyes would let me know what kind of conversation we were going to have. For the first time since I'd seen him in the bar, he didn't look angry. I took a breath and asked him to come inside. I had to physically stop myself from touching him.

"Bella."

"Edward."

We both spoke at the same time. I stood quietly, waiting on him to continue.

"Bella," he began again. "I don't know what you want me to say."

What I wanted him to say came to me in an instant.

_I want you to say you're sorry for embarrassing me in front of Michael. I want you to say you acted like a possessive jackass. I want you to say that you're sorry for not trusting me. I want you to say you're sorry for disrespecting me. I want you to say you're sorry for pulling your hand away from mine earlier and making me afraid to touch you now. But, mostly, after you say those things, I want you to say that you still want me. Because, God help me, I still want you._

What I wanted didn't matter.

He had to want to say those things.

I needed him to say them.

He looked at me expectantly, nervously. I decided to ask him a question.

"Edward, why were you _so_ angry?"

"Bella," he laughed as if I'd told him a joke as he ran his fingers through his hair. The action distracted me slightly. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"What would you have done if you'd seen me with another woman?" He looked at me expectantly, as if he anticipated my response.

The thought of Edward with another woman made me insanely jealous in an instant. I tried to hide my reaction.

"I'd like to think that I would take into consideration that you could possibly be with someone other than _a date_, before I jumped to any conclusions," I lied, desperately hoping he didn't see through me.

"Really?" he asked, skeptically.

"I hope so," I said quietly, and looked away. People could always tell when I was lying. I was never good at it.

"You're not telling me the truth, Bella."

_Dammit!_

"I want it to be the truth," I said truthfully, looking into his eyes, and for the first time tonight, his eyes were soft when he looked back at me. "Edward, it's just that Michael is my boss, and you embarrassed me." I held his eyes with my own, hoping that he would understand what a difficult position he'd put me in.

"Bella." He took a deep breath. "He _touched_ you." He almost growled the words.

"What are you talking about, Edward? He never touched me!" I was insulted by his words. I snapped at him. I was the first one to raise my voice. I couldn't understand why he would lie about that.

"Bella, can we sit down?"

I realized that we were still standing in the foyer of my apartment.

"Of course, I'm sorry."

I led him to the living room and we both sat down on opposite ends of the couch. The space between us spoke volumes. It was in stark contrast to the way we had been together on his couch yesterday. I took my shoes off and curled my legs underneath myself and pulled a pillow in front of me, holding it tightly.

"Bella," he began. "Can I tell you my side of what happened?"

"Yes." I agreed, wishing that he would.

"Will you promise not to say anything until I am done?"

"Yes," I said, hesitantly.

"Okay. When I got your text this afternoon, the one with the minutes," he paused and smiled at me. "I was still at work and so excited to see you. I had our whole evening planned, but I didn't need to go home first, so I asked my brother, Emmett to join me for a drink while I waited to pick you up. I chose that particular bar because it was close to your place."

I smiled at him when he said that because I'd done the very same thing. I knew I should still be angry with him, but moment by moment it was all melting away.

"What are you smiling about?"

"I thought you didn't want me to talk," I chided.

"Tell me," he said; his voice barely above a whisper.

"It's the same reason I chose that place." I blushed, but instead of looking down or away, I looked right at him. "It meant I was only that much closer to being with you."

His green eyes darkened and a look of something similar to sadness crossed his face. I didn't want him to feel sad. I was hopeful that we were talking through this like the adults that we were. He seemed to focus and continued speaking.

"We were sitting at the bar and I was telling Emmett about you. It wasn't long after that you walked in, but you walked in with _him_. I was stunned to see you, at first. I was jealous, but I knew that there must be an explanation. At least, I hoped there was. I'm not perfect, Bella. I couldn't breathe, watching you there with him. You were talking and laughing and there was just something so familiar about the way the two of you were together."

His breathing sped as he continued speaking; his voice growing lower with every word.

"Emmett could tell something was wrong. I told him it was you. Honestly, I think I told him because I wanted him to keep me from overreacting, but I guess that ultimately didn't work, did it?" He chuckled darkly. "Bella, I don't know what he was saying to you, but you looked deep in conversation and you were blushing…_my blush._"

He said it so softly, I almost didn't hear him. I don't think he meant for me to hear. But, he _did_ say it. He said it was 'his blush'.

"He touched you then." Edward leaned in and reached his hand out, looking into my eyes, silently asking permission to take my hand in his. I didn't even think about it. I reached my hand out and he took it, holding it tenderly. "He placed his hand over yours and just left it there, and you let him." He was trying hard to control his tone of voice. I could tell by the way his breathing increased and the strain of his timbre. "It took everything I had not to go over to you. Emmett was talking to me, trying to keep me calm. I watched you. I watched him touching you, holding the same hand that I held…_my hand_." His voice was trembling as he squeezed my hand slightly.

It was then that I remembered that Michael had actually touched my hand. It was such an innocent gesture, I had forgotten it completely. Edward hadn't lied when he said he touched me. I could see, from his perspective, what he must have been thinking watching us from a distance. The way he was holding my hand now felt intimate, personal. But it only felt that way because it was _Edward_. No one else would make me feel that.

"Edward," I said, gently. "It was completely innocent. Michael has been my boss for four years. I'm close to him, but only professionally. I only went for a drink with him because he asked and we needed to discuss some things to do with work. You do believe me, don't you?"

"Yes, of course I believe you."

He was stroking small circles on the palm of my hand and the feeling of it was sending tiny shocks of electricity up my arm. I needed to tell him something, and the thought of saying it made me nervous. I didn't want him to be upset by what I was about to say, but I knew I had to say it. I took a deep breath and tightened my grip on his hand.

"Edward, I need to tell you something," I said, hesitantly.

"What is it, Bella? You can tell me anything."

"I need you to know that, while I understand where you were coming from and what you were feeling, the way you acted this evening was unacceptable. I would _never_ have done that to you. I can understand jealousy, and if I'm being honest, a small part of me is happy to know that you reacted that way. It's the same part of me that knows I would have reacted similarly if the situation had been reversed. But that is not a part of me that I'm proud of." I looked at him to gauge his reaction. His expression was serious, but he continued to grasp my hand so I decided to continue. "Michael is my boss. I feel like I've said that a thousand times tonight, but I should have only had to say it to you once. The moment you knew, you should have backed off. I deserved more respect and trust than you gave me."

"Bella, I'm sorry. I _do_ trust you. I _do_ respect you. It was just him…him touching you! I went a little crazy."

The moment he said the words, I knew I'd already forgiven him, but I needed to hear him say those things.

"Edward," I said, scooting over until I was next to him, never releasing his hand. I could feel his body heat through the layers of fabric between us. He looked down to me and without hesitation pulled me into his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Bella!" He kissed my cheek. "I'm so sorry!" He kissed my neck.

I looked at him, and the passion I saw in his eyes consumed me. He took my hand and flattened my palm against his chest, keeping his hand over mine, pressing and rubbing softly.

"Bella, I know this might make me sound like a possessive ass, but I need to know that _this_ hand, your beautiful hand, belongs to me." I could feel his heart pounding against my hand and as I looked at him, I knew.

"It does. It's yours."

He slid his hand up my arm, caressing gently, lovingly.

"This arm," he murmured.

"Yours."

"Mine," he rasped.

He moved up to my shoulder, placing tiny, adoring kisses along my collarbone.

"This shoulder."

"Yours."

"Mine."

He looked at me for a long period of time, silently asking for permission for what he wanted to next. I didn't move or give him any inclination that I wanted him to stop, so he started unbuttoning my blouse. His hands made quick work of the buttons, pulling the bottom of my shirt out of my skirt until it was completely open to him. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, "So fucking beautiful." He placed his, now trembling, hands on the sides of my neck and pulled me close to him. Bending his head, he licked me from the middle of my breasts up to the base of my throat and blew back down the same trail he'd created with his tongue. The sensation of his breath against my wet skin was unlike anything I'd ever felt.

"Mine."

"Yours."

He slid the shirt from my shoulders, letting it fall to the couch behind me. He unhooked my bra in the back, but didn't remove it. Instead, he brought his hands to the front and slid them under the lace of my bra, cupping my breasts before lightly pinching my nipples and kissing me on my mouth for the first time tonight. I was overcome by how much I needed his kisses. I whimpered into his mouth before pulling his bottom lip into mine and sucked gently. He moaned in response and kneaded my breasts harder before pulling the bra completely off.

"Your beautiful breasts, Bella. Your perfect, pink nipples."

He leaned down to take one of my nipples into his mouth, sucking hard, _really hard_ and circled the other one lightly with his middle finger. The contrasting sensations of hard and soft were unbelievably erotic and it sent a flood of moisture to my core.

"Tell me, Bella. Say it!"

"Yours…oh, god…they're yours!"

He leaned me back on the couch and ran his hand up my calf, underneath my skirt and onto my thigh. His fingers found the edge of my stocking and a groan escaped his lips before he hooked one finger underneath the top. I thought he was going to slide it off, but, instead, he slid his hand back out and reached for the zipper of my skirt. He slid the skirt off my hips and it dropped to the floor in a pool around my feet. He pushed it out of the way and repositioned me on the couch. He looked at my legs that were covered by the stockings. He ran the fingers from both his hands up and down the length of my legs.

"Your legs are stunning; so long and slender." I knew what he wanted.

"They're yours, Edward," I said, as he slipped the stockings off one at a time.

He placed his hand directly on my sex, palm down, and began to press into me.

"Your panties are so wet Bella," he said in a gravelly voice. "They're soaked."

"For you," I whispered. "Only you."

His eyes grew even darker at my words and he slipped a finger underneath and began stroking me gently. I gasped at his touch. It was so soft and tender. He explored my folds, but avoided the very place I wanted his touch most. He removed his hand from me and whispered something. I couldn't understand what he was saying because his voice was so low. He slid my panties off and spread my legs apart. I was shaking with my need for him. He kissed up my thigh, stopping once near the top, to suck the sensitive skin there. I could feel the pressure building, and I knew in that moment what he was doing. He was marking me. He was marking me as his. He needed to know that I belonged to him.

When he finally reached my sex, he spread me open with his fingers and gently placed a kiss on my clit.

"Fuck, Bella! Your pussy is so perfect. It's so perfect and beautiful and wet for me."

"It's yours, Edward."

"Mine," he growled. "Say it again!" His voice was commanding.

"Yours!"

At my word, he began licking me furiously and I screamed from the pleasure he was giving me. He plunged two fingers as deep as they would go as he circled my clit with his tongue. I lifted myself off of the couch to get closer to him, trying to press into him further. He was pumping in and out of me and the sensation of his fingers with his sweeping tongue was making me whimper and moan. I couldn't form a coherent thought in my mind. I couldn't focus on anything but what he was doing to me and I could barely focus on that. I felt my body tensing and I knew I was going to come quickly. When my orgasm hit me, my body shook from the force of it. Edward didn't stop or slow down at all. He continued his ministrations just as forcefully as before and I felt myself come again and again.

By the time I came down from my last climax, I was still trembling and silent tears ran down my face. Edward crawled up onto my body and kissed me. I loved the way I tasted in his mouth.

"Bella, baby, are you okay?" he asked, clearly concerned.

"I'm wonderful, Edward," I said in a weepy voice. "I don't know what came over me."

"I made you cry once before," he said softly, kissing the tears on my cheeks.

"They're not sad tears, Edward," I explained to him. "It's just that…I've never…no one has ever…it's just so different with you."

"Different how?" he asked, rolling to my side and taking the weight of his body off mine. He positioned me to the back of the couch and took me in his arms again.

"Different because, no man has ever made me feel the way that you make me feel when we're together…_like that_."

I blushed again and tucked my head into his neck.

"_There it is_," he said, tilting his head and kissing me on my shoulder.

"What?" I asked; my voice muffled against his skin.

"My blush."

I wanted to look at him when I said what I wanted to say next. I pulled back and he looked down at me.

"It is, you know," I told him.

"It is what?"

"Yours." I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair. "But, not just the blush, or my hand, or my shoulder, Edward." I pulled his face to mine and kissed him long and soft. I wanted him to know what I knew. "It's _all_ yours, Edward. I _belong_ to you." I found strength in the truth of my words. "I've belonged to you since the moment out eyes met, before you ever said a word to me."

He pulled me to himself with such force, it startled me. His kisses had always been passionate, but this was different. He was trying to tell me something with this kiss.

"I belong to you too, Bella," he murmured against my lips. "I've _always _belonged to you. I feel like I've been waiting for you my whole life. It's what scared me so much today. I can't think about you _ever_ being with someone else," he said more forcefully. "I _know_ you feel it too…_please_ tell me you feel it too!"

"I do. I feel it too"

"Make love to me, Bella," he whispered. "I need to be inside you."

We quickly removed his clothes and I crawled over his lap, straddling him with my legs as he sat up on my couch. I positioned myself over his cock and slid myself up and down his length, coating him with my juices. When I finally pushed myself onto him, he filled me deeper than he ever had before. Edward clung to me, desperately, as I lifted myself up and down, riding him slowly; his body trembling with his need. I looked down to see where we were joined together and I saw where he marked me on my thigh. _I was his._ It affected me so much that I was overcome and, without thinking, I brought my mouth to his shoulder and I did the same thing to him. I sucked him hard and he cried my name, knowing full well what I was doing. _He was mine. _We came together hard and fast, and this time, I wasn't the only one crying.

***************

So yeah, kind of intense, I know. Hope it made up for the last short chapter. We got meet Emmett and I promise more of the Cullens are coming in the next few chapters.

Reviews are better than…well almost anything.

So, please leave me some love and review!

I posted pics of Bella's outfit on the Retail Therapy Blog. (The outfit is fierce!) The link is on my homepage.

Thank you to everyone who is reading, reviewing, alerting and adding this story to favorites.


	12. Four Days

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 12

Four days.

It had been four days since Monday. Four days since the most disastrous happy hour of all time. Four days since Edward and I had fought…again. Four days since we made love after he kissed and touched every part of my body. I stood in the shower covering my body with shower gel, when my hand grazed the still-tender spot on my thigh and, once again, I reaffirmed that it had been four days since Edward marked me and I'd marked him in moments of passion that were fueled with possessiveness.

I'm not sure really what came over me in those moments. I had never allowed a man to do anything like that to me. I had always found it to be degrading. Granted, Edward placed this indicative mark on a spot where no one but he or I would see it. The fact remained that he'd done it and so had I. I've never considered myself to be a possessive person, never really had anything to feel possessive over. My mind was still struggling to wrap itself around the idea that I felt like Edward belonged to me, all while simultaneously being afraid of what that meant.

As my hand lingered on my thigh, images and sounds from that night inundated my mind.

The things he'd said.

The things I'd said.

We didn't confess _love_ to one another, but we had certainly confessed _something_. I told him that I belonged to him and he kissed me with such reverent passion. It was overwhelming, the way I felt with his lips on mine in that moment. It was like a dam broke for him. He whispered such crazy, beautiful things to me. He told me that he was mine, that he'd always been mine that he'd been waiting for me. Yes, it had been four days since all of this happened and _not once_ had we discussed or even mentioned it.

Not once…in four days.

Nothing else had changed between us, though. We had been together every day. We went on dates, he held my hand, we talked about anything and everything, we kissed…_a lot,_ and we made love every single night. The lovemaking was always intense whether Edward was hungry and desperate or slow and gentle. The same energy coursed between us whenever we were together and I still thought about him constantly when we were apart. So I stood there in the shower, looking down at the diminishing bruise, wondering if he would say something tonight on our date and worrying that he might.

The rest of the week had flown by fairly quickly. I was able to smooth things over with Michael. I apologized for the way Edward behaved on Monday and told him that it wouldn't happen again. He just laughed it off and said that he completely understood. He actually made an excuse for Edward, stating that men tended to overreact when it came to matters of the heart. He told me that he wasn't aware that I was seeing someone, which I found a little odd. Michael and I had never really discussed our personal lives in the years we'd known each other.

I was making dinner tonight for Edward, so after I showered I headed to the kitchen. I didn't cook often anymore even though I loved cooking. It just wasn't practical to cook for one person. I used to cook for my father when I was younger; actually I had learned to cook at a very young age because Renee never really cooked at all. I decided to make a little French Bistro meal with steak and haircots verts with cherry tomatoes and pomme frites. I opened a bottle of wine and poured myself a glass and laughed because I thought drinking while I cooked was very Julia Child of me. I loved the idea of cooking for Edward. Something as simple as making a meal that he would enjoy with me seemed to warm me from the inside.

Everything was almost ready to go. I just had a few final touches that would have to wait until I changed. I had instructed Edward to bring a movie for us to watch tonight. I told him it was his choice even though he insisted I selected what we would watch. I went to my bedroom and opened a bag from the store. While I was at work today, I made a purchase in the lingerie department and the men's department. I had another surprise for Edward tonight. As I was pulling the contents from the bag, I heard my phone chirp. I immediately dropped the bag and went to grab my phone. It was a text from Edward.

"_On my way._

_Hope you like the movie_

_I picked out for us to watch tonight._

_Can't stop thinking about you…"_

I smiled to myself at his words. He had no idea how much I was thinking about him. I quickly sent him a reply.

"_I can't stop think about you either._

_You have no idea…"_

I finished getting ready and had everything prepared for Edward's surprise. Just as I was pulling the potatoes from the oven, my phone rang. I told the front desk that I was expecting Edward and I knew he would be at my door in no time. I opened the door for him so that he could just come in and went back to the kitchen to finish dinner. I was flipping the steak on the grill when I felt his arm wrap around my waist. I automatically pressed myself back into him. He nuzzled his nose in my hair and whispered in my ear. "This smells fantastic, Bella." I turned around to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist and looking into his green eyes.

"Thank you."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

He kissed my cheek and asked if there was anything he could do to help. I told him no and poured him a glass of wine. I was already one glass ahead of him and made a joke about him needing to catch up. He chuckled and walked back out into the living room. I finished setting the table and brought the food out. I lit a few candles on the table and walked over to turn on some music.

"Is there anything you'd like to listen to?" I asked.

"Whatever you choose will be wonderful, besides, I got to choose the movie." He smiled and winked at me.

I just decided to put my ipod on a random shuffle and turned around to face him, taking in his appearance and a shaky breath. It didn't matter that I'd seen him every day; he always took my breath away. He stood there in jeans that hung low on his hips and he had on a black Henley with the sleeves pushed up, drawing attention to the muscles in his arms.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked in a suggestive tone, letting me know that he knew exactly what I was thinking. I blushed and looked down, suddenly embarrassed. He walked over to me and lifted my chin with his fingers. "Bella," his voice was husky and low. "I would spend all my time looking at you if I could." He placed a gentle kiss on my lips, opening his mouth only slightly and I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip before he pulled back to look at me. "Speaking of which, you look beautiful tonight."

"Thank you," I said and he kissed my chastely one more time. "Are you hungry? Dinner's ready."

"I'm starving; and I wasn't kidding before, everything smells wonderful. What are we having?"

"Well," I started. "I made steak, with haircots verts and pomme frites." I laughed and he looked at me quizzically.

"What's funny about that? It sounds wonderful."

"Nothing really, it's just funny because it sounds more pretentious that it actually is. It's all just French for steak with green beans and French fries." We laughed together at my little admission as I led him back to the table.

Dinner really was wonderful. The candlelight was romantic and Edward seemed to enjoy everything I prepared. He asked about work and I explained how everything was fine with Michael. He tensed up when I told him that Michael defended him. He seemed doubtful, and I figured that it would take time for him to realize that no man, much less, Michael, would ever be a threat to him. It surprised me that Edward would ever feel insecure in any way. He carried himself with a quiet confidence and commanded attention from most everyone that he came into contact with. He was unassuming in many ways, but utterly captivating in others.

"What's going on in that mind of yours?" he asked, breaking my train of thought.

I looked at him and smiled. "I was thinking how wonderful you are actually."

"I think it's _you_ who are wonderful," he said, taking my hand and flipping it over. He began tracing the lines on my palm with his finger, sending chills through me and causing goose bumps to rise on my arms. "Dinner was perfect, Bella." He pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed my palm. "Thank you. You're an amazing cook."

"You're not the only one with hidden talents you know," I said in a cheeky tone.

"Oh, really?" he challenged, raising his eyebrows evocatively. "What are some of your other hidden talents?" His voice dripped with sex and a flush crept over my cheeks and down my chest.

"I have _many_ talents Mr. Cullen," I purred. "You'll just have to be patient and let me reveal them to you one at a time."

His eyes grew dark at my own blatantly sexual response and I stood and walked behind his chair, trailing my finger around his neck as I walked. I decided to try his own move out on him and I bent down and whispered directly in his ear.

"I have a surprise for you Edward." I kissed his neck gently and felt his body shudder from the contact. "You like surprises, don't you?" I took his earlobe softly between my teeth and sucked it into my mouth. He moaned and reached his hand up and grabbed my hair, trying to pull me closer. I quickly pulled back and I know I heard him whimper. "Ah, ah, ah, Edward," I said in a lilting voice. "Follow me." I turned to walk to my bedroom, not bothering to see if he would come. I knew he would.

When I walked into the bedroom, I felt him come up behind me and put his arms around me. I turned around quickly before he could pull out his secret weapon, but we kept our arms around each other. I felt the rumble of his chest as he laughed, knowing what I was trying to prevent.

"Edward?"

"Hmmm…"

"Do you know what's better than curling up on the couch and watching a movie together?" I asked, breathing in his scent. Jesus! He smells so good.

"As long as I'm curled up around you, nothing could be better." I smiled at his words and he pulled me closer to his chest, running his hands up and down my back.

"You see, that's where you're wrong," I said. "It would be better to be curled up around me _and _wrapped in that." As I spoke, I pointed to the box that was on my bed.

"What's that?" he asked, surprised.

"Open it." I smiled eagerly at him. "I got you a present."

"You didn't have to do that, Bella."

"Edward, didn't your mother teach you to accept gifts graciously?" I joked.

"Yes, yes she did," he said, his eyes sparkled. He walked over to the bed and picked up the box.

"Go ahead, open it." I waited, excited to see his reaction. He opened the box and pulled out a blue cashmere robe. He smiled up at me with his crooked smile and, of course, my knees weakened. "Thank you, Bella."

"You like it?"

"I love it!" he replied. "Why a cashmere robe?"

"Well, I like the idea of you wearing nothing but this robe and your boxers while we watch the movie together." I raised my eyebrows suggestively at him. "Plus, it's cashmere, so it will keep you warm and it's _so_ soft." I looked at him, hoping that he didn't think it was a stupid gift. I'd never really had a man to buy presents for other than Charlie, and he didn't count. I only ever got him anything for his birthday, Christmas or Father's day. "Also," I added. "I like the idea of you having something here that I can put on and think of you when you're not around." I blushed at my own words, embarrassed that I'd actually said them out loud. He stood up and walked over to me and looked into my eyes. His eyes were deep with emotion that I couldn't fully understand.

"I love the robe, Bella…but I love the idea of _you_ wearing it even more." He seemed lost in thought, but something came to him. "You didn't get yourself one as well?"

I blushed again.

"No, I got myself something else." My voice was deeper than usual.

"And, what did _you_ get?" There was a spark in his eye that wasn't there before.

"No, you first," I told him seductively. "I want you to tell me what movie we will be watching tonight and I want you to put on that robe," I said, beginning to play with the hem of his shirt.

"So, it's kind of an 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' situation, then?"

"Exactly," I agreed.

"Well," he began. "I'm not sure if you're going to like the movie."

"Why? Is it one of those movies where everything in sight blows up?" He chuckled at my response.

"No, love," he said, as he kissed my cheek.

_Strange. He's never called me 'love' before._

"I actually enlisted some help from your dear friend, Alice, with regards to the movie selection."

"What did you get?" I asked, suddenly excited that I wouldn't be watching some ridiculous action movie.

"Well, how does _Love Actually _sound?" I literally squealed, in a surprising Alice-like fashion, when he said 'Love Actually'. "Sounds like it was a good choice," he added, laughing at my girlie response.

"You actually brought Love Actually?" I asked.

"Of course, she told me it was your favorite movie."

"Well, yeah, it is, but I usually watch it alone in my pajamas with either Ben and Jerry's or a bottle of vodka," I smirked. "Depending on how bitter I am at the moment."

_Did I just say that out loud?_

"I hope you're not bitter now," he said, his eyes growing darker.

"No, I'm not bitter at all. I'll take you in that robe over Ben and Jerry any day of the week." I lifted his shirt over his head, scratching his abdomen and chest with my fingernails as I slid them upward. He shivered from the contact. "Pants off Cullen!"

"Then, will I get to see what you bought yourself?" he asked, laughing at my little command.

"Umm…yeah," I whispered, suddenly nervous about what else I had planned.

Edward took his pants off and stood before me in just his grey boxer-briefs. I held my breath the entire time I watched him, afraid that I would say or do something embarrassing. I noticed that the mark on his shoulder was still there, though it had diminished somewhat like mine. Once again, I wondered if we would talk about the things we'd said on Monday. He slid the robe on and looked at me.

"This feels really good, Bella. Thank you."

"Edward," I said, my voice shaking, suddenly nervous about what I was going to show him. "I need you to come over here and help me."

He walked towards me and stopped when he was close enough to reach out and touch my hair.

"Like I said before, I got something for me to wear tonight as well." My heart rate had increased, my breath coming in short, small pants. "I'm wearing it right now…underneath my dress." His eyes widened at my words and he ran his fingers down my neck. "Will you help me take it off?" I asked quietly. "My dress, I mean."

He reached down and fumbled with the tie on the side of my black wrap dress. Once it was undone, he pulled the dress open, revealing the purple and black silk Dolce and Gabbana gown underneath.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, before sliding the dress from my shoulders. It fell to the floor and I stood before him, trembling with my need. Edward had seen in various forms of undress and even though, this gown was far less revealing than most, I still felt exposed. I wanted him to find me desirable and sexy, but mostly, I needed him to think I was beautiful.

He did.

He pulled my face to his, kissing me gently at first. Soft, subtle kisses that turned into something deeper, something more urgent. I opened my mouth to him and accepted his tongue as it mingled and danced with my own.

"Do you know what you do to me?" he asked, in between kissing me.

"The same thing you do to me." I stated it as if it were a question.

"Bella, you're so beautiful…I…I need...I…" He wanted to say something else. He stopped himself.

"What, Edward?"

"I'm never going to watch this movie. I'll be too busy not being able to tear my eyes away from you." I laughed into his neck before I kissed him.

"Try," I said, as I led him into the living room.

***************

The movie was wonderful. We cuddled on the couch and watched together; the only light in the room was from the television. We held hands like teenagers and even snuck a few kisses here and there. True to his word, Edward spent the majority of the movie only watching me.

Once, during the movie he seemed to be distracted and very deep in thought. He was looking at me, but not really. It was almost as if he was looking through me. He seemed tense, which was completely different from how he'd been all night. I reached over to take his hand and asked him if anything was wrong. His expression changed immediately to something softer, more affectionate. He reached out to me and pulled me into a gentle kiss, but his mouth became more urgent and penetrating. I wondered what had been going through his mind, but I was so enthralled with his kiss, I decided not to press him for information.

Just as everyone got their happy ending and the credits started to roll, I leaned back into Edward. I was sitting between his legs and he bent down to kiss me. I moaned into his mouth as I felt his hand slide from my belly to the hem of my gown, playing with the lace there. I opened my eyes, breaking the kiss, and saw him staring back at me. His eyes were smoldering and the green of his irises were almost completely obscured by his pupils. I felt him slide his warm hand underneath my gown and up my thigh. My gown travelled higher and I noticed him looking at the mark. It was the first time I'd seen him look at it all week. He touched it tenderly, pressing his finger into my flesh; the muted purple bruise growing lighter under the pressure, then returning to the darker color as he lifted his finger.

"Does it hurt?" His voice was quiet.

_Maybe he wanted to talk about it now._

"Not really," I said, slowly bringing my hand to his shoulder and pushing back the robe, revealing his own mark. I kissed it delicately, as if I was afraid that I would hurt him. "Does yours?"

He looked at me as if he were trying to figure out what to say. I heard him take in a breath and felt him release it.

"No, it doesn't hurt." It seemed like he wanted to say something else. I waited, giving him time to find his words. "I'm sorry if I hurt you, Bella." His words were so sweet, his voice so genuine.

"You didn't hurt me, Edward." I tried to reassure him. "Do you want to talk about this?"

"Do you?"

I thought about his question. Did _I_ want to talk about this? No. I wanted to talk about the things we'd said. Did he mean the things he told me, or was he just speaking in the passion of the moment? Could I ask him about that? I pulled my lip between my teeth, suddenly tense.

"I want…" I looked at him with anxious eyes. "I want to talk about something else…something different."

"What is that, love?"

_Hmm…there it is again._

"I don't know how to ask you this," I said, looking down, rapidly becoming unsure if I should say anything else. "I'm not even sure I want to."

"What is it, Bella?" He sounded so concerned.

"Never mind," I said quickly, looking up and offering him a weak smile. "It's nothing."

"Don't do that, Bella." He sighed. "Please, just talk to me. You can say anything to me; ask me anything."

I looked in his eyes, searching for contradiction to his words. I found none. His eyes were soft, questioning, but soft.

"Can I…can we…?" I stuttered.

"Bella, what is it?" His voice sounded tense. "You're making me nervous."

I took a deep breath. I wanted nothing more than just to be able to talk to him about this. The lack of conversation about what had transpired between us four days ago was weighing on me. I wished that I was more secure in my feelings for him. Everything was so new to me. I had never been one to willingly share my feelings with anyone. Edward seemed to be the more open one, but sometimes, I still felt like there was so much he didn't tell me. His silence on this particular subject had affected me, more than I recognized.

"It's just…I just…the things you said…" I was nervous, my heart was beating furiously. I couldn't articulate myself and I was stumbling over my words. What if he didn't mean what he'd said? The disappointment I felt at that thought made me realize that I had to know; one way, or the other.

"What things?" he asked.

"Did you mean it?" I asked quickly. "Did you mean what you said to me on Monday?"

He looked at me; this blank look covering his face. I didn't want to have to explain it to him. I wanted him to just know. I stared back at him, refusing to say anything else. I felt like I was putting myself too far out there. I needed him to meet me half-way.

_Please understand! Please tell me you meant it!_

The moment I thought it, I knew I wanted him to mean it.

He continued to look at me, perplexed by my words I presumed. I saw the moment realization crossed his face. He gasped lightly, but audibly. My own breathing was heavy. Everything seemed to go in slow motion then. I watched as his hands raised and reached across to me, cupping the sides of my face.

"Bella, you thought I didn't mean it?"

He looked at me intensely and I couldn't get over the emotion in his eyes.

"I wasn't…I didn't…I wasn't sure," I whispered. "You didn't say anything." My voice shook. I wasn't crying, but the tears were evident in my throat. I swallowed bitterly, pushing them back.

He spoke slowly and methodically; his passion unmistakable.

"Bella, I meant every word." He kissed me gently and I sighed into his mouth.

"I was afraid," I murmured against his lips. "When you didn't say anything, I was afraid."

"I didn't say anything because I was concerned that it was too much for you…too soon," he whispered back to me. "What about you?" he asked. "Did you mean it?"

I could feel his heart beating against my chest.

"I meant it, Edward." I pulled back to let him see the truth in my eyes. "I belong to you. I don't regret one moment of that night; _not one word_."

***************

I spent the night in Edward's arms after we made love. I couldn't remember a time in my life where I'd ever felt this content, this blissful. It all seemed too good to be true. No one this perfect actually existed, yet here I was, wrapped up in him. He was completely tangible. I could feel him breathing, feel his strong arms pulling me closer. As I was falling asleep, I thought I heard him say something, but he'd said it too low. I didn't understand it and I was too tired to ask him about it.

_Tomorrow…I would ask him tomorrow._

***************

I had to work the next day. I was closing actually, and wouldn't get out of the store until almost eleven. Edward asked to take me to dinner, but I told him that I would be eating at the store. Saturdays were so busy, and I didn't like leaving at all if I could help it. We made plans for me to come to his place after I got off. I packed a little bag with some things and put it in the car before I headed to work.

Work was good. _Busy_, but good. I loved the energy in the store on Saturdays. The rush of people and constant customer interaction was one of the more rewarding parts of my job. I didn't ever work in my office on the weekends. I was constantly on the sales floor trying to lead service. As I was walking down the escalator, my phone rang from an outside line. I figured it was either Edward or Alice. They were the only two people that ever called my work phone.

"This is Bella," I answered. "How can I help you today?"

"Bella?" It was a female voice I didn't recognize.

"Yes, this is Bella."

"Oh, good," replied the woman. "This is Esme, Esme Cullen." She paused. "Edward's mother."

_Edward's mother?_

"Bella, we need to talk."

_What the fuck?_

***************

**A/N**

**Thanks to my Beta, Blackbeltgirll!!! You are way awesome for taking this on! You rock!**

**Reviews are better than snuggling with Edward on the couch!**

**Please leave me some love and review. I cherish every one! **

**Plus, you know you'll get a sneak-peek.**


	13. Mothers and Lovers

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 13

I looked at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was pulled back in a clip on the sides and fell in silky curls past my shoulders. I was applying the finishing touches on my make-up. I had used soft, neutral colors; earth tones to be exact. The eyes were not overdone, just muted browns and beige with a subtle deep blue in the crease of my lid for contour. I applied eyeliner and mascara and curled my eyelashes.

_I was nervous._

I hadn't even spent this much time getting ready for my first date with Edward. I examined the array of cosmetics and hair products I had covering the counter in his bathroom. If someone were to see this, they would think that this was a woman's bathroom. They would definitely not think it belonged to a twenty-eight year old man. I laughed quietly in spite of myself at the thought. I picked up my favorite Chanel lip gloss and swept it across my lips, surveying myself one last time in the mirror. I was as good as I was going to get.

My nerves got the best of me again. To distract myself, I began cleaning up all of the products on the counter, placing everything in my cosmetic bag. As I was looking down, I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist. His warmth enveloped me and I was enamored by his scent. He smelled of musk and soap with the slightest bit spice and wood. His fragrance was wonderful and sexy…and completely masculine. I resisted turning around and burying my nose in his neck.

"We don't have to go," he said soothingly in my ear. "In fact, looking at you here, in nothing but a towel, makes me want to just keep you here, all to myself."

I laughed at his words and pushed myself closer to him, reveling in his closeness. I met his eyes in the mirror and gave him a knowing look.

"Edward," I started. "Your mother called me and asked us to come to lunch today."

Yes, Esme Cullen, Edward's mother had called me at work to invite us to lunch today with the family. I was shocked and scared at first. I had no idea why she would be calling me. She explained that Edward had talked to her about me. She made a little joke about wanting to meet the woman that was 'monopolizing' her son's time. She also told me that she enlisted Jasper's help to get my phone number from Alice. He was there with her this weekend helping her finish up the rest of her packing. I was apprehensive at first, but there was this warm, wonderful and caring spirit about her. It came through in her voice, even over the phone. I decided that I wanted to meet her, but I had to make sure that Edward _wanted_ me to meet his family. He had mentioned in passing a couple of times, but we were still so new and that was a big step.

Edward was, of course, the perfect gentleman about the whole situation. He apologized for his mother's forwardness and asked if I was sure that I wanted to go. When I told him how sweet she had been to me on the phone and that I wanted to go, but only if he wanted me to, the most beautiful smile spread across his face. His responding answer to me was a tender, adoring kiss. He told me that he wanted nothing more than for me to meet his family, but more than that, he wanted his family to meet me. So, it was decided; we were going to have lunch with his family today and now, I was a nervous wreck.

"What if they don't like me, Edward?" I asked, still completely unsure of myself.

He spun me around so that I was facing him and looked into my eyes.

"Bella," he said softly, but with absolute certainty. "They will love you…" It seemed like he wanted to say something else, but he let the sentence hang in the air for a brief moment. "I promise, love, you are perfect." He kissed my cheek. "How could they not love you?"

His look changed from the softness before to something more insistent, something needy. The pools of his green eyes were liquid in their depths and I could feel desire rolling off of him in waves. His head bent to mine and he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth, sucking gently before biting down and pulling away. My lip slid between his teeth and it hurt, but it was a pain that awakened something inside me that felt good. I pulled my lip into my own mouth, never breaking eye contact with him and suddenly, I was being lifted up and placed on the bathroom counter.

The towel had dropped to the floor and Edward was standing between my legs that had instinctively wrapped around him. I felt him reach his hand down between my legs as he stroked the slippery skin he found. I pushed myself toward him as he whispered in my ear.

"You're already so wet and ready for me, Bella."

He pulled his fingers from me and I watched as he brought them to his mouth, tasting me.

"I love…Oh, God…I love how much you need me," he rasped, his voice thick with his own need.

"Edward, I…" I needed to tell him to stop. We didn't have time to do this. We still needed to get ready, but I couldn't find it in me to tell him to stop when I looked into his eyes.

One word.

One word was all I could allow myself to say.

"Please."

His fingers found me again in an instant and I gasped at the sensation.

"Is this what you want, Bella?"

"I…oh…" I moaned into his neck as I pressed into his hand.

"Tell me, Bella," he said roughly. "Tell me how much you want this…how much you need me."

Oh, God…I…oh…please, Edward…don't stop," I pleaded with him.

His hand stilled at my words; his finger holding its position inside me. I whimpered at the loss of friction. He leaned his head down and whispered in my ear; his voice and breath all hot and wet.

"Use your words, Bella." He licked the inside of my ear. "Use your words and tell me what you want me to do."

A flood of moisture rushed between my legs at his commanding words and I found myself desperate for whatever he would give me.

"Edward," I cried. "Please…I need you…oh…please…I need you to…to touch me."

His finger pulled out of me and was replaced, immediately, by two; his other hand reaching between us and rubbing my clit before pinching it. I screamed out, arching my back, needing more of what he was giving me.

"That feels good, doesn't it," he growled. "You like the way it feels when I'm touching you, don't you?"

I was rubbing myself against his hand and whimpering his name.

"You're so soft, Bella…so soft and wet against my hands," he said into my neck; his rough voice replaced with something gentler, but still passionate.

I felt my orgasm approaching. My legs tensed and pressed against the counter. I felt disoriented in my need when I heard him murmuring my name.

"Come for me, Bella…please, come for me."

"Oh, God…Edward…Oh…Ah…Oh, God," I cried as the orgasm claimed me. I reached out to him, desperate to hold on to something…anything. I contracted around his fingers and my body pushed into him harder trying to prolong my release. His mouth covered mine, stifling my whimpers and cries as he slowed his hands, stroking me softly, bringing me down.

"Bella, I…I…" He stuttered, trying to say something before, finally, whispering, "Oh, Bella."

***************

We were late.

We were running approximately twenty-five minutes behind schedule. Edward called his mother to let her know that we were stuck in traffic and I fought back the giggle that was threatening to escape my lips. He glanced over at me in the passenger's seat and gave me his crooked smile as he hung up the phone, placing it in the console between us. He reached his, now free, hand over and rubbed gentle circles on my knee.

"We're saved," he said with a grin. "Em and Rose are running behind too."

"Really?" I asked, relieved.

"Yes, love, really."

While I was mortified that I would be late for meeting Edward's parents for the very first time, I couldn't be upset about it after what had taken place in his bathroom a short while before. I was sure that they would know exactly why we were late, and I knew damn well that my blush wouldn't allow me to keep any secret. In fact, I blushed, just thinking about it. Edward seemed to notice and asked what I was thinking about, which made me blush even more.

"Well," he said. "You have to tell me now."

"Umm…I was just hoping that your parents wouldn't be able to tell why we are _really_ late." I bit my lip and gave him a bashful smile.

"No, love" he chuckled. "I assure you that they would never imagine that less than thirty minutes ago, you were wet and spread before me, screaming my name."

At his words, I looked down, suddenly embarrassed and equally aroused, and then I was more embarrassed _because_ I was aroused.

"Edward," I stated softly, trying to focus on anything but the feeling of his hand still on my knee. "This is a big deal." I sighed. "I'm meeting your parents."

_And, I'd like to do it without wet panties._

"You're right, Bella," he said. "I was only trying to distract you from your nerves."

"Really?" I asked, giving him a knowing look.

He laughed softly. It was the sweetest sound.

"Yes, really," he said. "Although, let me state, for the record, _that_ particular vision of you is stunning and I will keep it with me."

***************

We pulled through the gate to his parent's house and I was blown away by the enormity of it. They lived about thirty minutes outside the city on a huge estate. The house, if you could call it a house, has a light stone exterior. It had elements of a castle, but the architecture was fairly new. I didn't know what I had expected, but it _definitely_ wasn't this. My nerves were back in full force.

Edward parked the car and I tried to control my breathing. He got out and walked around to open my door. As I stepped out of the car, he looked at me, sensing my discomfort.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concern filling his voice.

"Yes…no…I don't know," I stammered.

"Breathe, Bella." He took both my hands in his and kissed me lightly on the lips. "You'll be fine."

"It's just…I wasn't…I didn't….I wasn't expecting all this." My voice was shaking. "You should have told me to expect _this_!"

"It's just a house, Bella," he said, trying to soothe me. "I guarantee you'll be the most beautiful thing here."

As he led me up the drive to his parent's home, I could only imagine the vast difference it would be, if I ever took Edward to meet Charlie in our humble home in Forks. I had given up my insecurities about my upbringing a long time ago and wholly embraced who I was as a person, always feeling just as good as anyone else. However, standing here in this driveway, holding the perfect man's hand, approaching the perfect home, for the first time in long time, I felt inferior.

_I didn't belong here._

When we got to the door, Edward opened it up and led me inside. I don't know why, but I assumed we would knock. I hadn't really thought about the fact that this was _Edward's_ home too. The house was decorated beautifully. It looked like something from an architecture or home magazine. I'd never seen anything like it. Edward took my coat and purse and placed them in a room off the foyer. The foyer was bigger than my living room. The ceilings were incredibly high and the art hanging on the walls was astounding. Each piece was unique and, obviously, well-selected.

I heard footsteps coming toward us from the hall. I looked up at Edward and he squeezed my hand in reassurance, leaning down and whispering in my ear.

"_You're beautiful."_

The loveliest woman stepped closer to us and she had a warm, welcoming smile that mirrored the voice I'd heard on the phone the day before. This had to be his mother, Esme. She was wearing a grey, wool skirt with a crisp, white blouse. She had on black leather boots that hit just below the hem of her skirt. She was elegant and classic. Her reddish-brown hair fell right at her shoulders and her face was flawless. I could see where Edward got his devastatingly gorgeous looks. He definitely looked like his mother.

"Good afternoon, Edward," she said, smiling brightly at her son. "And, you must be Bella!"

Before Edward had a chance to introduce me, she had swept me up in her arms and gave me hug. I was caught off guard by the affection that she was showing me, but I hugged her back nonetheless.

"Mom, this is Bella," he said, looking at me. "Bella, this is my mother."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Cullen," I said, surprisingly at ease in her presence. There was just something so comfortable about her.

"Please dear, we discussed this yesterday," she said in a faux-stern voice. "Call me Esme."

"Thank you, Esme."

We walked into the dining room and were greeted by a man I recognized as Emmett and, seriously, the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on. She was blonde and had the most perfect face and features. Her body was amazing and the dress she wore hugged each curve perfectly. I assumed she was his wife, Rosalie. Emmett smiled brightly at me before giving Edward a hug. Rosalie eyed me speculatively, as if she were assessing my every flaw. She finally approached me, after what seemed like an endless amount of time and spoke.

"Bella, is it?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Burberry?" she asked, looking at my dress.

"Yes," I answered again, biting back a smile. I could play the fashion game. I could probably even tell her what perfume she was wearing.

A smile crossed her face at my answer, but before she could say anything else, I looked at her dress and said, "Diane von Furstenberg?"

Her smile got bigger.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella," she said, offering her hand. "I'm Rosalie."

"It's a pleasure to meet you too."

Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning over to kiss my cheek. I was beginning to feel more comfortable and for the first time since we arrived, I relaxed.

"Glad to see you two still standing after the other night," Emmett said as he winked at the two of us.

"Emmett…" Edward's voice had and edge to it.

Rosalie walked up behind him and playfully smacked him in the head. "Mind your manners, Emmett."

"Yes, Emmett," Edward agreed. "Listen to your wife."

Emmett laughed a hearty laugh before turning to Rosalie.

"All I'm saying is, I've never seen two people go at it like that," he said in an animated tone of voice. "Not in public anyway, and I've _never_ seen anyone stand up to Eddie like that!"

I blushed at his words and Edward pulled me closer, leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"You _were_ pretty spectacular, you know."

I looked up when I heard someone else enter the room. It was a man, a very handsome man, at that. He had blonde hair and soft eyes. His features were striking, like Edward, and I realized that Edward didn't get all of his good looks from his mother. He looked very distinguished and he was wearing a pull-over sweater and a pair of black trousers. I was amazed that everyone in Edward's family seemed to be perfect in every way. I'd yet to find a flaw in any of them. I felt like I was in some alternate 'Stepford' universe where everyone was beautiful and always said the right thing.

"Good afternoon," he said warmly. "Edward, this must be Bella."

Edward pulled away from me and made introductions.

"Bella, we are so happy to have you here in our home today."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen," I said softly. "Your home is beautiful."

"Please, call me Carlisle dear. Only my patients call me Dr. Cullen," he said, smiling. "Edward will have to give you a tour of the house later."

"I would like that."

Esme walked in and told us that lunch was about to be served and we could all take our seats. Edward sat next to me, across from Rosalie and Emmett, while his parents took their places at the head of the table. Edward reached for my hand under the table and looked over at me and smiled. I squeezed his hand in return, letting him know that I was fine.

"So, Bella," Carlisle started. "Esme tells me that you work in retail."

"Yes, I do," I said. "I'm the VP and General Manager of a store downtown."

"And how long have you worked there?" he asked.

"Well, I've only been in this particular store for a little under a year, but I've been with Fineley's for a little over four years. I started with them as soon as I graduated from college."

His eyes widened at my statement. I wasn't surprised by this. Most people were shocked by how far I had advanced at such a young age.

"And how do you like what you do?" Esme asked and she seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say.

"I love my job," I explained. "It's been a lot of hard work so far and I've relocated with the company a couple times, but what I do is very rewarding to me. I can't imagine doing anything else, to be honest."

I felt Edward give my hand a gentle squeeze under the table.

"Well, I love Fineley's," Rosalie exclaimed. "I didn't know you worked there. I shop there all the time. That's actually where I got my dress."

"How do you think I knew what you were wearing?" I chided with her and we both laughed.

***************

Lunch was wonderful. Esme prepared stuffed chicken breasts and the most wonderful salad I'd ever had with walnuts and pears. We all fell into easy conversation and before I knew it, I had relaxed completely. I asked Carlisle about The Carlisle Foundation. He told me he started it because, as a doctor who had been blessed in many ways in his life, he wanted to do something to help others who were less fortunate. He explained that he did a couple years of service with Doctors Without Borders and that the experience had changed him completely. I told him that Fineley's was actually holding a benefit and silent auction to raise money for local charities and asked if The Carlisle Foundation was one of the recipients. He informed me that their organization was funded privately, through the family's investments and wasn't subsidized through any other means. We spent some time talking about how giving back to your own community was so important.

For the rest of lunch, conversation drifted easily between everyone at the table. I found out more about Rosalie and Emmett. They seemed like a fun couple. They were very affectionate with each other, as were Carlisle and Esme. I understood that Edward came by this as naturally as his looks. Physical affection had always been difficult for me. I'd never really seen what real romantic love looked like. Renee had _'boyfriends'_ that drifted in and out, never really staying long enough to become too familiar and Charlie had been alone since Renee left him. I knew my father loved me and Renee loved me as best as she could, but that was really all I had to go on. It felt surreal to sit there in a room of couples that had such obvious love and devotion for each other.

I noticed at one point that Edward was really quiet. He was still holding my hand under the table and I looked at him and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. I so hoped that his family would like me and it appeared that they did. When the meal was over, I offered to help Esme clear the table. She insisted that I was her guest and that I wouldn't help at all.

"Would you like to take the tour?" Edward asked; his voice low.

"I would love that," I told him, wondering what was going on with him.

We excused ourselves and Edward led me from the dining room to the stairs. There was a room off the foyer and Edward opened the door and, quickly, pulled me in, shutting the door behind us. Before I knew what was happening, he had me pushed up against the door kissing me with an urgency that startled me. My body responded to his kiss the way it always does and my hands made their way up his chest and found his hair, twisting it around my fingers. He pulled away from my lips and whispered into my neck.

"Oh, Bella…I'm sorry." His voice was husky and muffled.

"What are you sorry for?"

"For pulling you in here like this…I just…I couldn't stand to not feel your lips on mine for one more minute."

He gently sucked and kissed my neck and I whimpered at his need.

"Don't be sorry for that," I told him, stroking his hair. "I love that you needed to pull me in here. You can do that anytime you feel like it." I chuckled at my words and I felt him relax.

His hand made its way down my side and found the hem of my dress. I felt him trail his fingers up to my bare hip.

"Bella?" he asked, surprise filling his voice. "You're not wearing panties?"

I gasped; momentarily, mortified that he would think I wouldn't wear panties to lunch with his parents.

"Thong," I whispered and understanding crossed his face. "We should probably control ourselves Mr. Cullen. I'm trying to impress your parents."

"They love you," he said. "I told you they would…you're perfect."

His hand lingered on my on my hip, rubbing small circles, causing the ache between my legs to intensify.

"Edward," I sighed, not wanting to let him go. "We need to stop. As much as I would love to spend the rest of the day with you here like this, we are in your parent's house."

"You're right," he sighed. "I know you're right. I just couldn't help myself, Bella."

There was a longing in his voice that made me want to wrap myself around him and never let him go. He gave me one last chaste kiss on my lips and then one on my nose before sliding his hand from under my dress and smoothing it out. He took my hand and led me back out into the foyer.

He showed me around the first floor, starting with the living room. Everything was done in light colors and looked very crisp and clean. The room itself looked warm and inviting; it looked lived in. It felt like a home. A baby grand piano sat in the corner by a huge window. I imagined Edward at the piano, as I'm sure he'd spent a lot of time there. I wanted to ask him to play, but before I could, he was already leading me to another room.

When we were finished with the bottom floor, he led me upstairs. The house was massive. I'd never seen anything like it. Each room was decorated beautifully with distinctive and elegant touches. A lot of thought was put into building and making this home. I felt jealous for the briefest of moments that I wasn't brought up in a home like this. I wasn't envious of the big house and extravagant things, instead, I wished that I had been surrounded by this much love and familial support. Of course, I felt instantly guilty for feeling that way and tried to push those thoughts out of my mind.

By the time we reached the last room, I knew it was Edward's room. We walked in and I was surprised to find it very similar to his room at his apartment. The only difference was the smaller bed. I looked at him and smiled.

"How many girls have you had in your room, Edward?" I asked with a playful smile.

"A few," he responded, blushing.

I was instantly jealous at the thought of Edward having another person in here and I was sorry that I'd even asked the question. I knew that my reaction was childish and unnecessary. I seriously, couldn't have expected that he would have never had a girlfriend. I'd had boyfriends, although the two boys I'd dated in high school were far too scared of Charlie and his gun, to ever come to my bedroom. It was just the thought of Edward here, in his bedroom, kissing another girl. Edward watched as the emotions played out across my face.

"Bella." My name came from his lips as no more than a sigh and he pulled me into his arms. "I _may_ have had a few girls in this room, but _you_ are the only _woman_ who has ever been in here with me."

"Really?" I asked, hating that I sounded so happy at his confession.

"Yes, love," he said as he kissed my cheek. "Really."

"Wait," I exclaimed, thinking about his response. "You've never brought another woman you've dated up to you room?" I asked. "Didn't they want to see your room on the _tour_?"

"Oh, Bella," he said, taking my hand and leading me over to a chair in the corner. He sat down and pulled me into his lap, wrapping his arms around me. "I've never asked another woman to come home to meet my parents."

"_You_ didn't ask me," I reminded him, looking down at one of the buttons on his shirt and twisting it with my fingers. "Your _mother_ invited me," I said in a sullen voice.

"Bella," he said; his voice thick. "Look at me."

I continued playing with his button, avoiding eye contact. I hadn't really thought about the fact that it wasn't Edward who had invited me to his parent's home. I was, suddenly, hyper-aware of that fact. What if he hadn't wanted me to meet them yet? What if he felt pressured by his mother's request? I bit my lip and tried not to think about it. He placed his fingers under my chin and lifted my face up to meet his. His expression was adoring; his eyes, soft.

"Bella, do you think I didn't want to invite you here?"

"I don't know," I answered, honestly, as my lip quivered. "I guess I hadn't really thought about it until just now."

"If you think that," he started. "Bella, if you think that I didn't want to bring you here…then you're wrong." The emotion in his voice was undeniable and, suddenly, I felt silly for my own insecurities.

"I'm sorry for saying that, Edward," I told him. "I don't know what came over me."

"No," he replied in a firm voice. "Never apologize for telling me how you feel." He pulled me closer to him, hugging me tight. "Jesus, I never thought about it that way," he mumbled, more to himself than me. "Bella, I'm sorry. I hope that you don't think that I didn't want to bring you here."

"I _know_ you wanted me to come today. I still remember the smile you had on your face when I told you I wanted to come." I looked in his eyes, remembering. _"I loved that smile."_

"What smile?" he asked, as the smile in question played at the corner of his lips.

"That one."

***************

We stayed in his room for a little while longer, then made our way back downstairs. Everyone was in the living room. When we walked in, Carlisle looked over at Edward and told him that he needed to speak with him. Esme asked if I would like to join her and Rosalie for tea. Edward looked down at me, as if he were asking if I would be alright. I nodded and motioned for him to join his father. They walked out of the room and I joined Rosalie on the couch while Esme went to get the tea.

"So," Rosalie began. "Tell me about Alice."

"Ah, I wondered when you were going to ask me about her," I told her. "What would you like to know?"

"Well, I'd really like to know what it is about her…_and you_, for that matter that has my brother and Emmett's brother so smitten."

"You think they're smitten?" I asked.

"Honestly?" she asked. "I think they're _more_ than smitten. At least, I _know_ Jasper is. He's done nothing but talk about her since they met last weekend, and he even told me he was in love."

"Yes, well, Alice told me the same thing."

"You don't think it's a little soon for that?"

"I don't think it's my place to decide when two people are in love, but, yes, I did tell her that I thought it was a little soon."

I immediately felt guilty for saying that to her. Alice was my best friend in the world, and the closest thing to family that I had besides Charlie. I shouldn't have said that to Rosalie. I felt like I was betraying her trust by sharing that information.

"Rosalie, I can't begin to tell you about their feelings, simply because I am not the one feeling them, but I _can_ tell you that this is the only time Alice has ever told me that she loved anyone." She looked at me as if she was trying to gauge my honesty, but she didn't say anything, so I continued. "Alice is the most wonderful, caring person I've ever known. I have been blessed to have her in my life, and anyone who takes the opportunity to _really_ get to know her would feel the same way."

"You can understand why I might be concerned, can't you?"

"To some extent yes, I can," I agreed. "But understand this; I love Alice as if she were _my_ family. In many ways, she's _more_ family to me than anyone else. As protective as you, obviously, are of your brother, I am _equally_ and just as _fiercely_ protective of her."

I held her gaze, not wavering.

"I can appreciate that," she said, her expression softening somewhat.

"And, I want you to know that I can appreciate where you are coming from as well."

"Emmett was right," she said, chuckling. "You _are_ a fireball."

"He said that?"

"Yeah, he told me that you put Edward in his place."

"I don't know about that," I said, blushing.

"No, you did," she argued. "If you said everything he said you did, you've got balls." She laughed. "I can appreciate a woman with balls…I've got a pair of my own."

I wasn't sure, but I felt as if Rosalie and I had come to some sort of an understanding of each other. I liked her, and I knew that she would love Alice.

Esme returned with Emmett and the four of us enjoyed the tea she's made. I watched as the three of them interacted with each other. I was in awe of how much love she showed them, even in the smallest of ways. It was how she spoke to them, how affectionate she was with them, how she anticipated even the smallest need they might have. She was more than lovely to me. She asked me questions about myself and made me feel more welcome than I'd ever felt anywhere. I found myself wanting to reach out and hug her.

I excused myself a little while later to find a bathroom. As I was walking down the hall, I overheard Edward's voice coming from behind one of the doors. I didn't want to stop and listen but, as I passed by, I did hear him say, "I need to figure out how I'm going to handle this." I assumed they were discussing work, so I made my way to the door that Esme had directed me to.

On my way back from the bathroom, I noticed that the door to Carlisle's study was open. I figured they must have rejoined the family. I noticed a table in the doorway of the room with several frames of candid photos. I paused, wondering if it would be alright for me to look at them. I decided that the door was open and that it would probably be alright. Besides, it's not like I was going through their mail or anything.

The first picture I held up was of Carlisle and Esme. They were outside and she was sitting in his lap on a blanket. They weren't looking at the camera, but, instead, they were looking into each other's eyes. Something tugged at my chest as I stared at them in such an intimate position.

The next picture was of Edward, Emmett and Carlisle. It was taken on a beach, somewhere and they were, all three, standing together with their arms around each other.

The last picture I picked up was an older picture. It was of Esme, sitting in a wooden rocking chair, holding a baby. I couldn't tell if it was Edward or Emmett. She wasn't looking at the camera in this one either; she was looking at her baby. The devotion and love I saw on her face nearly knocked me over. I should have put the picture down, but I stood there, gripping the frame like it was the most valuable thing in the world. A fleeting thought ran through my mind and I wondered, briefly, if Renee had ever really loved me that much.

I heard someone walking up behind me. I felt a hand on my shoulder, I expected it to be Edward, but the touch was too soft. I turned around and saw Esme.

"I'm sorry," I apologized immediately.

"Whatever for, dear?" she asked.

"I was just looking at these pictures," I told her. "They're all beautiful…but this one," I said, holding it out to show her. "This one is my favorite."

"Ah," she said, as she looked down at it. "That one is my favorite too."

"Is it Edward or Emmett?"

"It's Edward," she told me. "It was taken about a week after we brought him home from the hospital."

"Esme, I wanted to tell you thank you for inviting me today and allowing me to spend time with your amazing family."

"The pleasure was all mine, Bella."

"I've never seen a family with so much love for one another."

"Thank you," she said. "And Bella, I want you to know that I've never seen Edward like this before."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean…"

Before she could finish her thought, Edward approached us in the hallway.

"What are you two doing?" he asked. "I thought you got lost."

"Looking at your baby pictures," I smirked.

He groaned and I laughed.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked, taking my hand.

"Yeah, sure," I said.

"Em and Rose are leaving now too."

We all headed to the foyer to say our goodbyes. I thanked Esme and Carlisle again for the lovely day. When Edward and I got into the car, he pulled me close and kissed me.

"I couldn't wait to do that again," he whispered.

"Mmm…me either."

"Did you have a nice time?"

"Yes…you?"

"Of course, love, I was with you," he said as he started the car and pulled out.

***************

The ride home had been uneventful. Edward was unusually quiet and I was turning over the events of the day in my head. I wondered why I'd gotten so emotional around his family, his mother, in particular. I felt slightly guilty for thinking that Renee didn't love me as much as Edward's mother loved her children. I thought I'd gotten over these feelings of inadequacy where my mother was concerned, a long time ago. I sat there, melancholy and contemplative, trying to figure out what these feelings meant.

When we finally got back to his apartment, I had pushed the thoughts out of my mind. Edward was still quiet, but as we sat down on his couch together, he pulled me closed and kissed me. His lips caressed mine, light as feathers, moving across to my cheek and down my neck. He repeated the same course a few more times before, finally pulling my chest flush against his and gripping my waist firmly. He held me like that for a considerable amount of time, before relaxing his grasp. He still continued to hold me, though, not as tight as before and he laid his head on my shoulder. I reached my hands up and ran them through his hair, massaging and scratching his scalp lightly with my fingernails. I heard him sigh and felt the tension in his body relax.

"Are you alright, Edward?" I asked, wondering what he had been thinking about.

"I am," he told me, nestling his head further into my neck.

"What are you thinking about?"

He sighed and I continued stroking his hair.

"I was thinking about how much you mean to me." He kissed my neck and my body warmed and flushed. I couldn't tell if it was from his kiss or his words. "And," he added. "I was thinking about how much I loved having you with my family today."

"Your family is wonderful, Edward."

"They thought you were spectacular," he said. "What have you been thinking about, love?"

I paused, wondering if I could actually tell Edward what I'd been thinking about today. He noticed my hesitation and looked up at me, still not releasing me from his grip.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked, the concern was obvious in his voice.

"Well," I started, taking a deep breath. "I was thinking about your mother."

"My mother?"

"Actually, I was thinking about the difference between your mother and my mother."

"And what differences were you thinking about?"

"Well, it's just that I don't think that…" I paused again, not knowing if I could say out loud what I was feeling. Feeling it was hard enough, without actually having to put it into words. I blinked back the tears that were forming in my eyes and Edward looked at me anxiously.

"What don't you think?" he asked. "Tell me, Bella, please."

"I don't think…it's just that…well, I don't think my mother ever loved me the way that your mother so obviously loves you and Emmett."

I bit my lower lip hard, and willed myself not to cry at my acknowledgment. Edward just looked at me, his eyes more intense than they already were. Several emotions crossed his face, some of them I recognized, some of them I didn't. He reached across and wiped away the solitary tear that had escaped.

"Bella, if anyone has the opportunity to love you and they choose not to," he paused, as if he were trying to find the right words. "Then it is, wholly, their loss because you are amazing and wonderful and so, so beautiful."

He kissed my lips gently before pulling back again to look at me. His eyes were darker than I'd ever seen them and his breathing was heavy, almost to the point of panting.

"Bella, I…"

_He was going to do it._

"Bella, I…"

_He was going to tell me he loved me._

My heart was pounding in my chest, my mind racing with anticipation. I was terrified that he was going to say it. I was terrified that he wouldn't.

"Bella, I…Bella, I…I want to make love to you."

He lifted me from the couch and carried me to his bedroom. We discarded our clothing quickly and he laid me on his bed, whispering how much he needed me in my ear. I spread my legs to accommodate him and he positioned himself between them at my entrance. I looked into his eyes that were full of emotion that I couldn't read and I realized, in that moment, that I wanted him to love me. I wanted it more than anything I'd ever wanted.

I _craved_ his passion.

I _needed_ his devotion.

I _hungered_ for his body.

I _longed_ for his adoration.

But, I _wanted_ his love.

_I wanted it…because I loved him._

When he pushed into me, I felt completely consumed by him, both physically and emotionally. I cried out at the knowledge of the depths of my feelings and I wrapped my legs around him, trying to pull him deeper inside of me. He called out my name with every thrust and his fingers pressed into my hips as he lifted me closer to himself. I felt myself approaching my orgasm and I fought to keep it at bay, needing him to be inside me, like this, longer.

Our bodies moved in unison, creating perfect harmony with each other's counterpart. I hovered on the edge of ecstasy as long as my quivering body allowed it, and when I toppled over, I came with a force that engulfed me. I screamed out his name, the name of the only man that had ever made me feel like this. My muscles contracted around him as I felt his release pulse inside of me, and through the sounds of my cries, I heard him say it.

"I love you, Bella! Oh, God, I'm in love with you!"

He continued to push into me, slower now, trying to bring us both down. He was looking at me as if he was scared of how I would react to his words. I cupped his face with my hands and I pulled him to me, kissing his lips with abandon. It didn't matter to me that it was too soon. I couldn't find it in me to care.

"I love you too," I mumbled against his lips, unable to contain my feelings any longer.

He pulled back, pushing my hair, damp with sweat, away from my face.

"What did you say?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"I love you too," I told him again.

***************

_**A/N**_

_**So, yeah, kind of an intense chapter. This one was emotional for me, guys. **_

_**Massive thanks go out to my Beta, Blackbeltgirll. She put up with my angst over writing this one and never once complained about all my ranting and neuroses over making sure it was perfect. She also allowed me to send her a partial draft and didn't even make fun of me when I sent her the "final" one.**_

_**Chapter 12 got the most hits and reviews ever! You guys made my week. Thank you for reading and liking this story. I promise it only gets better from here!**_

_**Reviews, to me, are like Edward saying "I love you" to Bella.**_

_**So, please tell me you love me and leave me a review. You'll get a teaser for the next chapter.**_

_**(You can also tell me about the first time someone ever told you that they loved you.)**_

_**Thanks to culleneyes for asking good questions! You can all feel free to do the same, so pm me. I ALWAYS respond!**_

_**One more thing…We all know that next Thursday, New Moon is releasing at midnight! My wonderful friends (some of whom don't love Edward near to the extent that I do) are taking me out for cocktails and to the midnight show, where I will inevitably scream like a thirteen year old girl and not the grown woman that I am. So, I won't be posting until Saturday or Sunday. *hides behind my laptop* I'm pretty sure that you will all be consumed with the movie as well, so, I don't feel too bad!**_

_**Hugs!!!!**_


	14. Aftermath, Afterglow

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

"_I love you too," I mumbled against his lips, unable to contain my feelings any longer._

_He pulled back, pushing my hair, damp with sweat, away from my face._

"_What did you say?" he asked, his voice shaking._

"_I love you too," I told him again._

Chapter 14

He was silent, staring into my eyes and breathing heavily from the love we had just made. I could feel his heart beating erratically and see the sheen of sweat that covered his face and body as it hovered over me. It was almost as if he was afraid to move. Terrified that one small movement, one tiny shift in our position would disrupt what had just happened between us. I drew in a shaky breath, unable to hold it any longer. I felt my nipples graze his chest as my lungs swelled with the air that filled them. They responded immediately to the contact with his heated skin.

"Bella," he whispered, finally breaking the silence.

In the seconds it took for him to say my name, I was, suddenly, hyper-aware of everything surrounding me. I was aware that his usually, bronze hair was darker. It was almost auburn from the sweat saturating the strands. It fell chaotically across his forehead. I was aware of the faint light seeping through the door to his bedroom that he'd left open as he carried me inside. I was aware of his scent; all masculine and mixed with my own. I was aware of the way his arms were trembling from holding himself above me, and I was _completely_ aware that even though he was soft and sated from his climax, he was still inside me.

"You…you love me?" he asked in a voice so vulnerable, so needy, it caused my heart to clench.

The emotions I felt in that moment bubbled up to the surface and spilled out of me without warning. I tried to hold back the sob that was threatening to rip itself from my chest but it came out anyway. It was more of a choke than a sob and I gulped in a breath of warm air and I could literally taste him; his scent and sweat and even the saltiness of the tears in his dark jade eyes, all mixed with the air that was heated by his body. I felt consumed by him in every way, needing him to know…_really know_ how I felt.

"Yes, Edward," I gasped. "I love you…yes, I love you."

Without warning, he collapsed on top of me, no longer holding himself above. His mouth claimed mine with such urgency, such need. I felt the full weight of his body pressing into my own. His hands were clumsy and probing, trying to find a place to hold on to, but never really landing on any particular area in their search. I felt them grasping my arms, my waist and down to my hips. His fingers were pressing, his hands gripping, desperate in their need to connect to something…anything. His mouth had never left mine, only lifting slightly to whisper words that I couldn't make out completely. I only heard fragments.

"_Oh, God…she…I need…she loves…and her."_

His hands, finally, found mine; clasping them tightly at our sides and twining our fingers together. He groaned loudly and I felt him grow hard inside me. I gasped as he filled me. He took our joined hands and lifted them over our heads before lifting his mouth away from mine and pulling out of me. He raised himself up and kneeled between my legs; his eyes seeming to take in every inch of my naked body. He pulled his hands from mine and dragged them down my arms and across my chest, grazing his palms over my breasts and stomach before finally settling on my hips. He drew his gaze back up to my eyes. He looked at me with such adoration and desire, but there was an intensity to his stare as well.

"Say it again," he said. His voice was strong, but it trembled slightly.

My heart was pounding as I looked at him and, instinctively, I tried to reach out to touch him, but he leaned forward slightly and pushed my hands back above my head, holding them there for a moment before releasing them and placing his hands back on my hips. He never once looked away from my eyes.

"I love you," I said, simply. "So much." My voice cracked on the last word, my body was shaking from the enormity of the situation and reality of what was happening between us.

He brought his hands up to cup my face and it was so tender and sweet and then he leaned down to kiss me. At first, they were small chaste kisses that he peppered across my lips, but then he opened his mouth and covered mine, pulling my bottom lip into his mouth and sucking gently…and then more forcefully. He pulled away too soon and looked at me, his face mere inches away from my own.

"I don't…I can't…it's too much," he whispered.

I wondered what he was trying to say. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. His arms wrapped around my back as he lifted me up to him, holding me close. His nose was skimming the curve of my neck and collarbone and I could feel his warm breath tickling my skin there. His body was trembling, just as much as mine had been. I was sitting up now, we were wrapped up in each other and even though the position was awkward and slightly uncomfortable, I knew I couldn't let him go. I held on to him and placed gentle, reassuring kisses on his neck and shoulder while he clung to me.

"What is it, Edward?" I asked him. "What are you trying to say?"

I ran my fingers through his hair, remembering how it had calmed him earlier on the couch. I felt my own panic and anxiety rise up inside me as I tried to soothe him. I thought back to his words. _'I don't…I can't…it's too much.' _What did he mean? Did he regret telling me that he loved me? Did he mean it? He'd asked me…no, _told_ me to say it again. He wanted to hear me say that I loved him. I allowed that truth to empower me. I dipped my head and forced him to look at me.

"Tell me." My voice was low, but insistent.

"You love me," he whispered. "I can't believe you love me."

He pulled me closer to him still, burying his head in my neck, breathing in deeply. I relaxed at his touch, at his obvious need to be here with me, close to me. Our position was still awkward and uncomfortable and I shifted myself to try to readjust without separating us. He seemed to take notice and moved himself so that he was sitting instead of kneeling. He pulled me onto his lap so that I was still facing him and I wrapped my arms and legs around him. There was nothing between us, not even air. His hands were running up and down my back and my hands were twisted in his hair. We held each other like that for what seemed like a long period of time.

"Is it too much?" I finally asked, needing to know what he had been thinking.

"What?" he asked, clearly perplexed by my question.

"You said it was too much," I told him, repeating his words back to him. "I just…I need to know if this is all too much for you, because, _honestly_, Edward, I've just told you that I love you and I know it's all too soon…_but I do_…I love you…and I need to know if you're changing your mind…or…or if you really didn't mean it at all and were just saying it in the moment." His fingers pressed against my lips in an effort to silence my rambling.

"Shhh…" he whispered.

I gulped in a deep breath of much-needed air as his fingers remained on my mouth. I could taste him on my lips and, without thinking; I brought my tongue from my mouth and licked his fingers before kissing them. He shuddered and took in a shaking breath of his own before dragging his fingers down, pulling my bottom lip with them. His fingers lingered on my chin before he brought his other hand up and cupped my face. He was looking into my eyes intently before his expression softened.

"Bella," he said; the sound of my name falling from his lips was no more than a sigh, no more than a wisp of air. "I love you," he said low and firm. "I'm in love with you," he said with more conviction.

As I heard the words escape, I felt tears begin to fall. He hadn't said it again since the first time. He'd asked me to say it, but he hadn't said it. I realized, in that moment, just how much I'd needed to hear him say it again.

"Bella, when I said it was too much," he started before sighing loudly. "When I said it was too much, I meant that _you_ loving _me_ was too much to hope for. I thought it was too soon for you. I tried…I wanted to tell you so many times today. I was afraid it would scare you, especially after what you said last week."

"I knew it today," I said, softly. "I knew it tonight. I knew I wanted you to love me…I knew it because I knew that I loved you…I love you, Edward."

"Oh, Bella," he said as kissed me. "I love you, too."

He continued kissing my lips, moving down my neck and all long my collarbone. He was whispering he loved me with every press of his mouth and, once again, I was overwhelmed with him…just him…everything about him. The need for him to be inside me again consumed me. I could feel his erection pulsing underneath me and I was pushing myself down onto him…desperately needing to be connected to him in every way I possibly could.

"Please, Edward," I rasped.

"What, Bella?" he asked. "Anything."

I lifted myself up onto my knees, bringing my hands down to my own wet center and gathered some of the moisture collected there. His eyes widened as he watched what I was doing. I circled the base of his cock, giving it a gentle squeeze before I started stroking him. He gasped at my touch, as my hands glided easily over his length, aided by my own lubrication. I leaned into him, whispering in his ear.

"Edward," I said, as I kissed and sucked his earlobe. "Make love to me," I whispered. "Make love to me and show me."

He groaned at my words and, suddenly, I felt his fingers gripping my waist.

"Show me how much you love me."

In one swift movement, Edward pulled me over him until I was straddling his legs and I grabbed onto his shoulders. He took his cock in his hand and dragged the tip of his head along my folds, circling my clit and causing me to moan his name loudly. Once he was aligned with my opening, he thrust himself upward, grabbing me at the waist and pulling me down onto him at the same time. I gasped at the sensation of him being completely sheathed inside me…and he was so fucking deep, it almost hurt.

Almost.

He held me in place and for the longest moment, we didn't move at all. I felt him inside of me, pulsing, throbbing, and stretching me. His fingers were digging into the soft flesh of my hips and our foreheads were touching each other as we breathed in tandem. I understood what he'd meant earlier when he said it was 'too much'; because that's just what this was… it was too much. I couldn't bear it.

"I need to feel you move inside me," I murmured.

I began to ride him, slowly at first, wanting to feel every inch of him inside me. I was looking in his eyes, whimpering with every rise and fall of my hips. As I slid down on him once more, I squeezed my muscles around him causing him to hiss.

"Bella, baby, fuck! I love you…oh, god…I love you!"

"I love you too," I said in a breathy voice.

I continued to ride him, faster. He took my breast in his mouth, sucking gently at first, but he grew more insistent and needy as I increased my pace. He was pinching my other nipple, twisting it between his finger and thumb. His mouth left my breast, my already sensitive nipple slipping from between his teeth, causing me to cry out from the mingled pleasure and pain. He scattered hot, wet, sloppy kisses across my chest, lapping at my sore and distended nipples and making me forget about the previous ache.

My thighs were burning and heat was spreading through my abdomen, building slowly, causing my muscles to clench. I knew I wouldn't last much longer. I was gripping his back and scratching him. If he was in pain, he never let on which only made me hold him tighter. His whole body shook beneath me and still, never once, did his eyes leave mine. I could feel the emotion, his love for me, pouring out of him and I tried to give it back to him in the same way. Our bodies were covered in sweat and as I pressed myself down on him, he thrust once more, hitting _that_ spot and I came quickly and hard. My walls contracted around him and I screamed his name as my own body trembled from my release.

He didn't even give me a chance to come down from my orgasm before he pushed me back onto the bed. He spread my legs as he hovered over me…and the expression on his face was unlike anything I'd ever seen from him. He was fire and passion and love…and he was _mine_.

"You want me to show you, Bella?" he said, and with those words, he thrust into me once more.

He, never once, slowed his pace and with each thrust, he told me that he loved me. I could have been crying; I'm not sure if I was. I only knew that Edward loved me and I would never love anyone else the way I loved him. I wrapped my legs around him, trying to pull him closer, causing him to let out a guttural groan.

"Uhh…oh, Bella…I'm coming…come with me, Bella," he cried, as he spilled inside me. My body shuddered forcefully and I came around him once again.

He collapsed on top of me, quickly rolling to the side and pulling me onto his chest. We were both breathing heavily and completely spent. My whole body felt like jelly and the feeling of Edward rubbing gentle circles on my back was making me shiver.

"I love you," he whispered, as he kissed the top of my head.

"I love you," he whispered again, as he kissed my shoulder.

"I know," I giggled, clutching myself to him tighter and kissing his chest. "_You showed me_."

I leaned my head back so that I could look at him and I was overcome with the passion I saw reflected in his eyes. Everything but him seemed so far removed, and I'd never been more blissful than I was in that moment.

"Bella," he said, rolling over so that he was facing me. He hitched his leg up over mine and I slid mine between both of his so that they were locked together. "I can't stop saying it," he told me, his voice thick with emotion. "I'll never stop saying it."

"Don't," I whispered. "Please don't ever stop."

He held my gaze for an extended moment and I heard my name fall from his lips. It was no more than a sigh. He pulled my face to his, covering my mouth with his own; skin touching skin. The kiss was soft and gentle and I felt him moan into my mouth before he deepened it. His lips massaged mine and I allowed his tongue dominance as he pushed it into my mouth. I gently sucked it, tasting him fully. His mouth was so soft and warm. This kiss was not leading anywhere. It was just about us showing each other, in the only way we could, what this moment actually meant to us.

When he finally pulled away, I sucked in a breath of air and touched my fingers to my swollen lips. Edward took my hand and pulled it to him, kissing my palm and then up my arm.

"You're so fucking beautiful, Bella."

I gave him a half-smile, taking in his words. "I'm sure I'm completely hot right now," I chided, thinking about what a mess I probably was.

"You have never been more beautiful to me than you are right now," he said softly and I melted.

I melted because I knew he was telling me the truth and I knew he was telling me the truth because _he_ had never looked more beautiful to _me_.

"This is my opportunity, Bella," he said as he placed a kiss on my neck.

"Hmm…?" I asked; content to let him kiss me like that forever. "Opportunity?"

"This is my opportunity to love you," he clarified, as I remembered his words from earlier on the couch. "This is my opportunity to love you and I'm choosing…I've chosen."

My eyes welled with tears as he spoke and I knew that nothing else would ever matter but him.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward," I sighed, wiping away my tears. "I choose you too."

We spent the rest of the night holding and kissing each other and quietly whispering words of love and adulation. We never once moved from the bed. With each passing moment, I knew that I was falling more hopelessly in love with him and even though I knew it should scare me…_would_ _have scared me before_…I could find no fear in myself.

This was Edward.

He wasn't Mr. Darcy, he was more.

He was better.

He was better because he was mine…and he had chosen me.

As I drifted to sleep in his arms, I felt complete and total peace. It wasn't what I would have expected a week ago when I was so afraid for him to even mention the word 'love'. He had changed all that. When it came right down to it, I knew that Edward had changed _me_ that night, three weeks ago in the bar. I thought back to the first time we made love. I knew it then. I knew that there would never be anyone else but him; knew that no man ever could…ever would make me feel the way he made me feel. I nestled into him further and allowed sleep to take me. As it took over, I thought I heard him whisper. His voice was so soft, but the words were so clear.

"_Promise me."_

"_Promise me that no matter what happens, you will never stop loving me."_

"_Promise me, Bella."_

***************

**A/N**

**First things first…the last chapter got the most hits ever and more reviews than any other chapter so far! We finally broke 100!!!! So, thank you to everyone who is reading, adding to favorites and alerts and especially to those who have taken the time to review! You guys make me smile!**

** Sorry I couldn't get this posted before now, my real job has kind of been kicking my ass! Plus, I had to see New Moon three times…which, really cut into my writing time. BTW…how much did you love the movie???? Jacob was hot…but Edward was still hotter!!!! **

** HUGE thanks to my Beta, Blackbeltgirll!!! I tell you all the time just how fantastic you are! Your feedback on this chapter, especially, made my week! *kisses***

** I have no witty remark about reviews being better than anything Edward did in this chapter…because, let's face it. Nothing would be better than Edward doing any of the things he did in this one!**

** That being said, please leave me some love and review! It really does inspire me to sit my ass at the computer and write this for you guys! God knows, I'm not getting paid for it! :)**

** HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!**

** Enjoy your friends and family and eat lots of turkey and pumpkin pie!**

** xoxo**


	15. The Longest Day

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a life-size, cardboard Edward Cullen that I keep in my office at work. **_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 15

I pulled into Starbucks on my way to my apartment. It was just like any other day, except I was in love.

_I was getting coffee and I was in love with Edward Cullen_.

I smiled to myself at the thought. As I got out of my car, the tightness in the muscles of my thighs became evident and the soreness I was feeling _elsewhere_ was obvious as well…if only to me. I didn't have it in me to care about it. Each stretch and pull allowed me to remember what had happened the night before, and even though I ached, I welcomed it.

Edward had to go to work this morning and I was closing the store tonight. It was our first night of extended hours leading up to Thanksgiving and the Holidays. Edward told me that he would miss me all day and the same was true for me, but he promised that he would meet me at my place after work since I would be getting home so late. It had been difficult to leave him this morning, but nothing could break me out of the euphoric mood that I was in. The only person I could think to share my happiness with was Alice. I pulled out my phone to text her as I approached the counter to place my order.

As usual, the barista knew what I was ordering before I ever said a word. I laughed, giving her a smile of thanks as I handed her my credit card. Once I moved over to wait for my drink, I thought about what I should say to Alice in the message. I typed the message out and quickly hit send.

"I miss you and can't wait for you to get here! I love you…btw…I love Edward too :)"

I giggled to myself, wishing I could see her face when she read the text. I knew she would be happy for me and, briefly, I regretted not reacting positively to the news that she loved Jasper initially. I decided that the next time I spoke with her; I would apologize again for my behavior.

"Is something funny?"

The question came from a masculine voice behind me. It startled me slightly, causing me to jump and I turned around to see who was speaking to me. I didn't recognize him at first, but he looked familiar. He seemed to notice my reaction and, immediately, made an apology.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just saw you laughing and I wondered what would make such a _pretty girl_ smile like that," he said as he chuckled to himself.

His voice was amenable enough, but there was something off-putting about the way he called me 'pretty girl'. I stared at him blankly, hoping that he would get the message that I wasn't interested in engaging him in conversation. As I looked at his blonde hair and blue eyes, I remembered where I'd met him. He was the stock broker I'd met in here last week. I couldn't remember his name. Just as realization dawned, he spoke again.

"We need to stop meeting here like this."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes at the use of such a generic and tacky line.

"Yeah, well," I started. "It is Starbucks after all. You're bound to run into the same people from time to time."

"Would you care to join me for a cup of coffee?" he asked, motioning to a table in the corner that had a laptop and a cup of coffee on it.

Just as he asked, the barista placed my latte on the counter. It struck me that he probably wasn't the kind of man that got turned down a lot. He was a handsome man and I could see where women would be easily attracted to him. Unfortunately for him, today was not his day. His piercing blue eyes and dirty blonde hair held nothing in comparison to Edward's bronze locks and emerald eyes. My body flushed just thinking about him.

"Sorry, but no," I replied. "I'm getting this to go." I picked up the cup and turned to leave, but he touched my arm, causing me to stop.

I pulled my arm back from his hand and looked at him. He was smiling this cocky smile that made my skin crawl. Without another word, I turned to leave and walked out of the door.

***************

Alice called me just as I was getting ready to take a shower. We talked about Edward and Jasper and just as I'd expected, she was thrilled to hear my news. She was almost completely ready for her move. I asked her if she would be staying with me until she found a place, but she told me that she'd already signed a lease on an apartment that Jasper had shown her when she was here. I told her that I wouldn't be here for the whole weekend since I had to go a day early to the Holiday Meeting to run-through my presentation with Michael. I told her about meeting Edward's family and, of course, she asked about Rosalie. I assured her that they would get along, but I refrained from telling her about what Rosalie had said about how quickly everything happened between her and Jasper.

Alice cut the conversation short because she was working and about to head into a meeting. I told her I loved her and that I would see her on Saturday. We made plans for the four of us to have dinner Saturday night. After we hung up, I thought that maybe we should invite Emmett and Rosalie out with us as well. I decided to ask her what she would think about that later, deciding that, maybe, meeting your new boyfriend's sister the very first day you moved to town might not be the best thing to do.

I got ready for work. The shower was wonderful and soothed my aching muscles. I dressed in a grey suit that I'd picked up from the cleaners last week, which reminded me that I needed to drop some things off to be cleaned today before I went into the store. I realized as I was applying my make-up that my face was flushed. It was almost glowing and I smiled at the idea that I looked like a woman in love. It made me miss Edward, but as I looked at my watch, I knew that I would be with him in twelve hours.

_Jesus, twelve hours seemed like such a long time._

As I was walking to my car, my phone chirped at me. I pulled it from my bag and saw that I had a text from Edward. I couldn't open it fast enough.

_"Missing you like crazy, love. Do you have time to let me hear your voice?"_

Instead of texting him back, I pressed call. He picked up on the first ring.

"I'm so glad you called."

His velvet voice brought back all the memories I had of last night. I flushed, even with the chill of the autumn air.

"Me too," I sighed. "I miss you."

I opened the car door, throwing my purse and garment bag of laundry on the passenger's seat.

"Are you on your way to work?"

"Yeah, but I have to run a couple of errands first."

"I'll be thinking of you all day, Bella," he said; his velvet voice was suddenly husky and low.

"I guess that's okay," I said playfully. "As long as you're thinking good thoughts."

"Oh, no," he said; his voice had a slight edge to it. "I'll be thinking naughty, naughty thoughts Ms. Swan."

A bolt of electricity shot through me at his words.

"That's okay, Mr. Cullen," I purred, playing along. "I _can_ be a naughty, naughty girl."

_Think about that, Edward!_

"Fuck, Bella," he rasped. I noticed his breathing hitched.

"I really need to go, Edward…I'm sorry," I said, smiling brightly at the idea of leaving him alone with his thoughts.

"Alright," he replied with a groan. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

My heart-rate sped.

I didn't know if I would ever get used to hearing him say it.

"I love you too, Edward."

_Truly._

***************

By the time I got to work, the day was in full swing. I had a stack of reports I needed to go over, an conference call at three and Michael had emailed me four times before finally texting me, telling me to call him. This was why I preferred opening on Mondays. I could get so much more accomplished on a morning when the store wasn't as busy. I had scheduled myself to close the first night of extended hours to demonstrate to my executive team that I was a hands-on General Manager and a team player. This was the first Holiday season that they had worked with me. It was important to me that they understood that I would never ask them to anything that I wouldn't be willing to do myself. As far as I could tell, my gesture had been well-received.

I called Michael first. I wondered what was so important that he'd tried to reach me so many times. When he answered the phone, he sounded slightly exasperated. He told me that he was working on spring budgets and trying to come up with some last minute initiatives in order to improve gross margin in some of his stores that weren't making profit. He needed the additional funds for these locations in the spring. I patiently listened to him vent before asking him what it was that he needed.

He told me that I was actually going to be coming to the Holiday Meeting a day earlier than I expected because the top fifty general managers were invited to a 'town-hall' style meeting with the CEO of Fineley's Inc. on Saturday night. While I was disappointed that I wouldn't be able to see Alice on her first day, I was excited to have the opportunity to hear Benjamin Cheney speak and possibly get to ask him a question. Michael confirmed that all the arrangements had been made and that Lauren had been sent all my travel information. As I hung up the phone, my mind immediately went to the numerous tasks I had at hand.

The afternoon breezed by rather quickly, busywork tends to lend itself to the expediting of time. I walked into my office and sat down at my desk as I picked up my iPhone. I saw that I had a text from Edward.

"_My thoughts of you have gone from naughty to downright dirty."_

I laughed out loud before my face flushed at the possible thoughts that could be running through his mind. I quickly typed out a response.

_"Mmm…dirty. I think I like it."_

I placed the phone on my desk and started working on my presentation. It was almost complete; it just needed some fine-tuning and rephrasing. I had barely opened the Word document before I heard the happy, chirping sound. I picked up the phone and read his reply.

_"I know you'll like it. Speaking of which, what time do you want me to meet you tonight?"_

He knows I'll like dirty?_ Oh, my!_ Did Edward want to be dirty tonight? That was _definitely_ something to look forward to.

_"The store closes at 11…meet me at my place at 12."_

I didn't even put the phone down; I simply waited for his reply.

_"Do you want me to pick you up? I don't like the idea of you leaving downtown by yourself that late at night."_

I smiled at his concern.

_ "I believe I told you on the first night we met that I could take care of myself…Besides, Loss Prevention secures the building at night. I won't be alone."_

_ "Loss Prevention, huh? What's his name?"_

He couldn't seriously be jealous of a security guard…could he? I thought about that for a moment and realized that it was Edward…of course he could.

_"I do believe that you are jealous, Mr. Cullen and also slightly sexist. I'm disappointed. HER name is Jane and even though she's very attractive, I find myself completely enamored with someone else."_

I needed to stop this. As much as I would love to spend the rest of the day 'passing mobile notes' with Edward, I couldn't. I had an actual job to do.

_ "Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that your affection lies with someone other than Jane. Just be safe, love. You're very important to me."_

Dammit! How could I be aggravated with that?

_"I'll be safe…I promise. Now, I need to work, Edward. And you need to do…what is it, exactly, that you do???" _

Once again, his response was immediate.

_"It doesn't matter what I do…what really matters is who I do."_

I got a little wet just from reading his words. I couldn't get aroused at work…even though I just did. I texted him back one more time, because if he was going to play this game…I would show him that I could certainly play it better.

_ "I'm turning off my phone now, Edward…my panties are wet."_

***************

I finished my presentation before I went to dinner. I thought about calling Edward as I sat at the table in one of my favorite little downtown restaurants, but decided against it even though my fingers itched to dial his number. I missed him, but I wanted him to be aching with need for me when I finally got home that night. I looked down at my phone that I'd never really turned off and decided to call the only other man in my life.

Charlie.

I hadn't spoken to him in a while and after the emotional day I'd had yesterday while meeting Edward's family, I felt the need to hear my Dad's voice. He picked up after a couple of rings and seemed so happy to hear from me. The conversation was quiet and awkward, just like Charlie, but there was also this absolute comfort in his brief moments of silence. It reminded me of the early days of living with him when, even though he was discomfited as the single father of a teenage daughter and he didn't really know how to talk to me, for the first time I could remember, I felt safe and completely loved.

He asked about work and I told him my good news about my presentation. He told me that he was proud of me, which made me smile because, Charlie being proud of my accomplishments made me so fucking happy and maybe even a little more proud of myself. We chatted a little while longer before I finally had to go. I was never overtly affectionate with Charlie, I never had been, but before hung up the phone, I told him I loved him.

***************

The one thing I loved about closing was that I spent the majority of the time on the sales floor. It was one of the things that I missed most about being a department manager. I was able to interact with associates and customers much more than I did during the days. Since there was usually only one closing executive on Monday nights, we had to be available for associate problems and customer concerns.

As I walked the floor, I stopped to speak with each associate that I came across. I generally found these little, impromptu conversations to be the most enlightening. Since they were speaking to me on the sales floor, in their own work space and not in my office, most associates were more forthcoming with what they said to me. I always wanted to know how they were doing, how their team was doing and if there was anything that I could do to make their job better. I was always genuine in all of my interaction with them. Inherently, people can tell if you are being sincere and I _sincerely_ wanted every person that worked for me to love their job. That was important. There is nothing worse than feeling like you have to spend the majority of your waking hours in a place that you didn't necessarily want to be. I loved my job. I felt a sense of pride every time I walked into this building. I wanted my associates to feel that same sense of pride in what they did and the contributions that they made.

I was speaking to Jessica, an associate in the Juniors Department, when my store mobile rang. It was an internal call. I excused myself and answered the call.

"This is Bella, how may I help you?"

"Bella, this is Bree in Better Collections," she said; her voice sounded low, almost as if she were whispering. "Umm…I think…maybe you should come over here?"

"Absolutely, Bree," I answered quickly. "Is everything alright?"

"No, ma'am," she said, still in a hushed voice. "There is a problem with a customer…just come quickly. He's with Heidi and he's yelling."

I was already walking toward the department when I responded.

"Bree, I'm on my way."

As I approached the department, I could hear a man's voice. It carried across the store.

_"Listen you little bitch, I don't have time for this shit!"_

I walked faster.

I could hear the rapid clicking of my heels on the tile floor. I wondered, briefly, if I should call Jane and tell her to pull up the camera in Collections. I decided that I didn't have time to make the call before I got there. I would have to handle this myself.

_"You will fucking do this!"_

Rage shot through me as I heard the way he was speaking to her! No one was permitted to speak to an associate in my building in that manner. I would not allow it! When he finally came into view, I took in his appearance. He was a white man, who appeared to be in his late twenties or early thirties. He was dressed in dingy jeans and a wrinkled black shirt. He had dark hair and was just shy of six feet tall. He would have been intimidating to most people, but in that moment, as he verbally assaulted an associate in _my_ building, he did _not_ intimidate me.

I walked to the counter, bracing myself for the interaction with the angry man. He looked me over as I stood in front of him.

It was more like leering.

I turned to Heidi, who was in tears from the situation and told her that I would take over from here and asked that she excuse herself. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time. He was furious. As Heidi walked away, I steadied myself, trying to calm my nerves, and turned around to face the man.

"Sir," I said as coolly and calmly as possible. "I'm going to have to ask you to lower your voice."

"Who the fuck are you?" he snapped; his voice still seething with contempt.

"Sir," I said firmly, raising my own voice.

I looked down on the counter and saw a pile of clothes that were crumpled. I assumed he was attempting to return the merchandise, but I saw no evidence of a receipt. I looked back up to him and his eyes were dark, angry. He leaned into the counter, trying to intimidate me by invading my personal space. He reeked of alcohol and the smell was enough to make me nauseated. I refused to budge. This daunting man would not intimidate me. I would stand my ground.

"I need to fucking return this!"

"Do you have a receipt?" I asked him, knowing certainly that he didn't.

"Fuck you," he said, scornfully.

"I'm sorry, sir, but no," I said through clenched teeth. "We will not be returning anything for you tonight."

His eyes were shifting from side to side, but he seemed to center himself and looked back at me with cold, steely eyes. I searched his eyes and found them filled hostility and aggression. I held my stance, unwilling to allow him any glace at a possible crack in my composure.

He leaned in a little further.

My position remained uncompromised.

"Listen, you little cunt," he said in a surprisingly low, but threatening tone. "I know how this fucking works. I want to see your manager."

For the first time since I'd begun my interaction with this man, his words and menacing voice scared me. I drew in a shaking breath and steadied myself, refusing to back down.

"I _am_ the manger," I said, shocked that my voice didn't quiver. "Now, _you_ listen to me. Fineley's reserves the right to refuse returns from _any_ customer. You will not be receiving a refund of any kind from this establishment. I am going to bag this merchandise for you and you _will_ leave this store."

Adrenaline was pumping through my veins and I knew that my face was flushed a deep crimson at this point. His eyes flashed at me even as they swam with intoxication.

"Well," he said, looking down at my chest. "Bel-la." He drew out my name in a sickening tone. I realized that he was looking at my name badge. "We'll, just see about that."

I quickly began placing his garments in a shopping bag, my hands were trembling and I knew he noticed. I pushed the bag over to his side of the counter and I lifted my eyes to meet his one last time.

"You have one minute to exit this building." I placed my hand on the receiver of the phone on the cash-wrap, willing it to not shake uncontrollably. "Otherwise, I will be calling the police. I assure you that security has you on camera and you _will not_ be welcomed back into this store. Consider yourself trespassed."

He jerked the bag from the counter and stalked out of the closest exit. I followed closely behind to ensure that he was leaving. As I watched him depart, I dialed security. Jane picked up on the first ring and told me that she, indeed, had captured the entire thing on camera. Bree had called her after she'd spoken with me. I asked her to record the loop and email the link to Michael Newton and the corporate Director of Loss Prevention.

***************

Twenty minutes later, I sat in my office with my hands shaking, trying to get a hold on myself and my emotions. I took a long drink from the bottle of water I had on my desk, swallowing back the bile that still remained in my throat and stomach. Not once, in the entire four years that I had worked for this company, had I _ever_ had an altercation with a customer like that. I had dealt with difficult situations that were similar to this one, but not one of them had ever escalated to this extent. Replaying the situation back in my mind, I decided that, _no_, I would not have done a thing differently. He was threatening someone that worked for me, and I could not allow that under any circumstance.

I was the better person to receive the blunt attack he'd so readily doled out.

I was better equipped to handle it.

Thankfully, it was Monday night and there had been few customers in the store shopping…and even fewer customers shopping in Better Collections. The disruption had been minimal from a customer service standpoint. I called Michael to let him know what had transpired. He made sure to ask if I was okay as well as the associate who initially dealt with the irate man. I told him that we were both fine. He confirmed that he would have reacted the same way I had and told me that I'd made the right decision. I felt so much better after speaking with him. Not that I had doubted my decision, it was just nice to know that agreed with it and fully supported it.

I considered calling Edward to let him know what happened. I decided to wait until I got home to discuss it with him; he would only worry and I didn't want to cause him _or me_ any extra apprehension. He would have better perspective with me safe and in front of him. I sent him a text instead.

"_Missing you…can't wait to see you tonight."_

I took another drink of my water, finishing the bottle off completely, and waited for his inevitable reply. It came within a minute.

"_I love you. I told you I'd never stop saying it."_

My heart swelled at his beautiful and sincere words. I _had_ to respond.

"_Don't ever stop. I love you too."_

I set my phone to silent and placed it in the pocket of my jacket before heading back out onto the sales floor, smiling, as just the thought of him seemed to put me at ease.

***************

The rest of the night went by smoothly and oh, so slowly. I couldn't wait to get home to Edward. The store was recovered impeccably, as there weren't too many customers in the store. As the associates all exited the store, I waited at the employee door for Jane to set the alarms and secure the building. As we walked out together to the parking garage, I looked at my watch and saw that it was eleven-thirty.

I would be with Edward in thirty minutes.

"Where are you parked, Bella?" Jane asked.

"I'm parked on the upper-level," I said. "What about you?"

"I'm parked over there," she said, motioning over to a black sedan. "I'll walk you up," she offered.

"Don't be silly," I told her. "I'm parked right next to the elevator."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," I insisted. "I'll be fine."

*

*

*

As the elevator doors opened, I felt a rush of cool air across my face. I had taken my keys from my purse as I rode up so that I could unlock my car and get right in. I clicked the unlock button on my key-fob and the lights on my BMW flashed from around the corner.

I was almost there.

I started walking towards the car; the click, click, click of my heels sounded so loud in the empty parking garage. A wave of anxiety washed over me and I walked a little faster. Even though I had calmed down from what had happened earlier, my nerves were still a little shot.

Click, click, click…

My breathing increased and I felt a tightness in my chest. For a brief moment, I wished I'd allowed Jane to walk me to my car, as selfish as that may sound.

_I was scared._

Click, click, click…

As I rounded the corner and my car came into view, relief flooded over me and I took in a deep breath of air, releasing it in a whoosh.

Click, click, click…

_And, that's when I heard it._

It carried through the cavern of the garage, bouncing off the cold, concrete walls and ringing in my ears.

"_Bel-la…"_

The tone was lilting, mocking…and menacing, all at the same time.

Most importantly, it was familiar.

I stood frozen for what seemed like milliseconds.

You always wonder what you will do in these moments.

_Will you be too scared to move? _

_Will you scream and cry for help? _

_Will you turn and face down your aggressor?_

I did none of those things.

*

*

*

_I ran!_

I ran…but, I wasn't fast enough.

*

*

*

The force at which he pulled me back was startling. He had grabbed my jacket and twisted into a ball in his hand. His other hand reached to my hair and grabbed it hard, pulling my head back. The pain from the way that he was holding me brought tears to my eyes.

I could not move.

"I knew this had to be your car, you fucking cunt!"

His voice was terrifying and I could smell his putrid breath, soaked with cheap alcohol, as he leaned in. He pulled my hair tighter.

"Only a fucking, little, rich-bitch like you, would drive a car like this."

I was too scared to move, too scared to breathe.

"I needed money tonight, Bel-la," he sneered, and the sound of my name coming from his disgusting mouth made me want to vomit. "I needed money, and since you wouldn't give it to me in the store…you're going to give it to me here."

He laughed a little too hard and it caused him to cough; a racking, wet cough that shook his body and forced him to pull my hair hard and repeatedly. Finally, he spit something from his mouth and he spoke again.

"Like I was saying, you fucking bitch…you're gonna pay me now, since you wouldn't pay me then."

He shoved me forward, pushing me up against the trunk of my car. My ankle twisted as I tripped and stepped in front of him. I still hadn't seen his face, though I remembered it, vividly, from earlier. He jerked the purse from my arm, pulling my shoulder roughly and causing a shooting pain to run down my arm. He reached his hand around my neck, scratching and grabbing, as if he were looking for something.

Jewelry, maybe?

I didn't really ever wear jewelry.

"You're scared now, aren't you?" he prompted.

I was crying and shaking uncontrollably, but then I felt it.

_My salvation._

_My keys._

I was grasping my keys tightly in my right hand, praying he didn't hear or see them. I would not stand here and let this man, _if you could call him a man_, take more from me than my purse and my money. He could have the money. I didn't want it. Before I could lose the ounce of courage I had left in me, I twisted my body to the left with as much force as I could gather, spinning around and I clocked him in his jaw, slicing it open with the jagged edge of my key. The keys flew from my hand and slid across the parking garage. He recoiled from my attack, reaching up to touch the bleeding gash on his face.

His eyes were black in their fury and I was terrified as I watched everything happen in slow motion. He wiped his hand across the bleeding wound, causing blood to smear across his face, making him even more frightening in his appearance. His hand pulled back in a fist and pushed forward…toward my face. And then…nothing.

*

*

*

I was in complete and total darkness.

***************

_**A/N**_

_**First things first:**_

_**Thanks to Blackbeltgirll for being my kick-ass Beta for this story. I always love your enthusiasm when you read my chapters.**_

_**Marvar has joined the Beta team for this story, as well. Thanks for wanting to do it and for your feedback and helpful suggestions. **_

_**Big hugs and dirty texts for both of you!!!!**_

_**(Marvar has a fabulous little story of her own! "Yeah, You". You should totally check it out! It's Twilight meets all things John Hughes and it had me laughing my ass off as I read it. It pays massive homage to the 80's…so, put a banana clip in your hair and get out the "Thriller" album and get ready for a fun, fun time!)**_

_**Please leave me some love and review! **_

_**I do love them so!**_

_**Thanks to everyone that is reading and reviewing this story! You all know you make me grin like an idiot :)**_


	16. The Buzzing

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own massive amounts of perfume!**_

_**My two favs: Cashmere Mist & Coco Mademoiselle.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_Chapter 16_

_ I was on the escalator. _

_Going down. _

_I looked out; expecting to see the familiar surroundings of my store, but nothing was familiar. Nothing, but the escalator. Yes, the escalator was the same. I was about half-way down when out of the corner of my eye; I saw a flash of copper. I looked over and it was him…it was Edward. He was copper and green and beautiful and smiling…and he was going up. _

"_I'll wait for you at the top, Bella," he called to me from across the moving banisters. "Come and find me, I'll be waiting for you, love."_

_I wanted to go up._

_He was going up._

_I wanted to be wherever he was._

_I stepped off of the escalator and walked around the columns, circling back to find him. He was going up and I would follow wherever he wanted to go. As I approached the escalator, my heart pounded madly in my chest at the thought of reaching him. He would be at the top now, waiting for me._

_Always waiting for me._

_Edward was waiting for me._

_I stepped onto the escalator, almost jubilant at the thought of joining him…where he was there waiting for me. _

_Edward was waiting for me._

_Always waiting for me._

_Much to my dismay, I realized that I was not going up, but instead, I was going down again. I was frustrated with my feeble attempts to join him. I looked up into the atrium and he was there, looking down at me and he looked so sad._

"_Bella, I'm waiting on you," he called out to me. "Don't keep me too long, love. I miss you."_

_I had circled too far and would have to go back around now._

_I was going down…and he was up._

_And, he was waiting._

_Always waiting._

_There was buzzing._

_I felt the buzzing. It distracted me as I tried to make my way to Edward…where he was waiting. It droned against my breast, humming relentlessly. I tried to push the offending buzz away, but it endured, refusing to end. The silent noise disturbed my thoughts of Edward._

_He was waiting for me._

_The buzzing persisted. It grew more and more relentless. It radiated from my breast to my stomach now. It was all I could focus on. I was focused on the buzzing and not on Edward._

_Edward was still waiting…_

***************

The buzzing against my breast woke me up. I was awake, but my eyes were still closed. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't open my eyes. The side of my face was pressed to something cold; something cold and hard. I tried, once again, to open my eyes as I shifted my body. The moment I moved, blinding pain shot through my head and neck down into my shoulder. The pain was so intense it was crippling. I wanted to cry out; I tried to, but all I heard were gurgling whimpers.

I didn't know where I was. My mind and body could only process the horrifying pain that was coursing through my head, pulsing behind my still closed eyes. I could only cope with the throbbing ache in my shoulder. I wanted to cry, or maybe I was already crying. I didn't know, because I couldn't open my goddamned eyes. There was a distinct smell of copper. I could taste it. It was copper and salt and warm and thick in my mouth.

_It was blood._

I recognized it immediately and roll of nausea overtook me forcing my body to heave uncontrollably. The sudden and relentless movement caused my severe pain to double and, suddenly, without warning, images of what had happened came back to me in flashes.

_Click, click, click…_

His voice was so frightening.

"_I knew this had to be your car, you fucking cunt!"_

His hands in my hair.

"_Like I was saying, you fucking bitch…you're gonna pay me now…"_

The pain in my shoulder as he ripped the purse from my body.

"_You're scared now, aren't you?"_

The feeling of his hands on my neck…my chest.

Consciousness was fading quickly. It felt so easy, so simple. I needed to sleep. Sleep would make the pain go away. I wanted it to take me and, with it, the pain. It was lulling me, pulling me, taking me deeper…and then I felt it.

_The buzzing._

It was persistent against my breast. It was the same buzzing from my dream. The same buzzing that had kept me from Edward. Maybe I was dreaming. Maybe sleep had actually taken me.

_The buzzing._

_Edward._

_The buzzing…Edward._

_The buzzing was Edward!_

As I hovered somewhere between awareness and oblivion, I realized that the buzzing was my phone. I had placed it in my jacket pocket. It was my phone and that meant…it was Edward. I had to get to my phone. I tried to move, but the pain was too much. I couldn't do it. I couldn't move my arm, couldn't lift my hand. I was crying. My eyes were still closed and I was sobbing. I was alone and I couldn't call for help. I didn't know how badly I was hurt and I was lying on the unforgiving concrete of the parking garage…and all I could think of was Edward.

_Edward would want me to fight…for him…for us._

It took everything I had; every bit of the strength and will I had left, but I forced myself onto my back. I managed to pull the phone from my pocket, crying and wincing with the movement. I forced my eyes open and tried to look at the phone. Everything was blurry and I could barely make out the indistinct rectangle I held in my shaking hand. My thumb pressed down to dial the phone and I brought it to my ear, screaming out as pain shot through my arm…and then I heard my name.

"_Bella!"_

I wanted to tell him what had happened.

I wanted to tell him where I was.

I wanted to tell him I was scared.

But, I couldn't say those things. The words could not form on my mouth. I could only manage three words…three small, insignificant words.

"_Help me…please."_

And then…once again, there was nothing.

***************

Velvet was crying, crying my name.

"_Bella, baby…please, wake up."_

I wanted to help him, to make his tears go away, but I couldn't open my eyes. I could only hear him. I tried to listen, to let the sound of the velvet sooth and comfort me, but I couldn't even do that for long. As quickly as I'd heard his voice, it was gone again as I drifted back into quiet darkness.

*

*

*

"…_In route to Regional West…patient has multiple contusions…blunt trauma to the head…blood loss…stable, but unconscious."_

*

*

*

"…_low blood pressure, seventy over fifty."_

*

*

*

"…_heart rate steady at fifty-two."_

*

*

*

"…_going to be alright, son."_

***************

I felt a slight pressure on my ankle; this soft constriction and gentle caresses. It was him. It was Edward. His skin wasn't against my own, but even through the thin barrier between us, my body recognized his touch.

I needed to see him.

I opened my sleep-filled eyes to a dimly lit room. My eyes slowly shifted to where he was because I was afraid to make any sudden movements. He was in a chair next to the end of the bed. His head lay on one arm as his hand gently touched and held my ankle. My hand instinctively twitched, longing to reach out to him. He must have sensed my subtle movement, because his head lifted quietly, softly...as if he were afraid to disrupt me. The moment his eyes met mine, they filled with tears that spilled silently over his pallid cheeks.

"You're awake," he rasped. "Oh, god…Bella, you're awake."

He was standing now, next to the bed, leaning over me. He pressed his lips to my temple, so, so gently, I almost couldn't feel it. His fingers ghosted across my arm, his hand flexing as if he wanted to hold me tighter.

_So much restraint._

"How do you feel?" he asked, kneeling down beside the bed, meeting me at eye level.

_Horrible. Like death…like I died._

"Oh, Edward," I said, my voice raspy and thick. I leaned over to look at him, cringing from the pain. My body felt so heavy, so stiff. My head ached, though it was dull and there was reverberating pain that echoed down my neck and into my shoulder and arm. That was too much to tell Edward, he was already so worried. So, I told him the first thing that came to my mind. "My head hurts."

He chuckled and smiled, his wet, green eyes sparkling for a moment.

He was beautiful.

"I'm sure it does, love."

We heard a knock at the door before it was pushed open and Dr. Cullen walked in, smiling at the scene in front of him.

"Bella, you're awake," he said as he walked over to the side of the bed. Edward moved to allow his father access. "Do you know where you are?"

"Umm…the hospital," I replied.

_Of course I knew where I was._

"Do you know how you got here?"

Flashes of what had happened flooded my clouded mind and my whole body tensed, causing me to reel from the pain and, suddenly, I was panicking. I heard the beeping of a monitor above my head and I tried to take in a deep breath to steady my nerves. I felt Edward's hand on my leg again, stroking me, calming me with just his touch.

"It's alright," Edward whispered. "You're alright. You're safe."

"Bella," Dr. Cullen began. "You have a moderate concussion and you lost some blood."

He placed his fingers and thumb on my wrist, as if he were taking my pulse while he continued to speak.

"Your blood pressure was a little low for a while, but appears to have leveled out now and your vital signs are stable."

I tried to listen to what he was saying, I really did, but I could only focus on the words that Edward had said.

"_You're alright. You're safe."_

I was safe and I was here with Edward. Not in a garage, lying on the floor…bleeding and broken.

_I wasn't broken._

_I would be okay._

I looked up at Edward and glanced over to his father. They wore similar masks of worry and concern…but there was something else in Edward's eyes. He looked angry. I couldn't understand why he would be angry.

They both had questions. I opened my mouth to speak and it felt so dry. My tongue felt thick and heavy, my mouth felt sticky and parched.

"Can I have a drink of water?" I asked.

"Yes, Bella," Dr. Cullen said. "Of course."

Edward poured some water into a little plastic cup from a pitcher of the same color. He placed a straw in it and leaned down, allowing me to sip the cool water. I felt so thirsty and I swallowed almost every bit of the cool liquid in the cup. Edward pulled it away, the straw slipping from my mouth. He refilled the cup, offering more to me and I gladly accepted it.

My eyed were hooded and I felt sleepy again. So sleepy, in fact, that I couldn't keep my eyes open. Somewhere in the back of my mind, it registered that I didn't tell them what happened, but I couldn't think about it. Edward was here and I was alright. I focused on that and allowed sleep to take me…slipping into soothing darkness once again.

***************

When I awoke the next time, soft sunlight illuminated the hospital room. The blinds were down but the gentle, pink glow seeped in through the sides, casting shadows across the surfaces in the room. My eyes were drawn to the pile of messy bronze hair that lay next to me. Edward was sleeping with his head on my bed. His hand was holding mine, his palm pressed to my palm, his long fingers wrapped gently around my thumb. He looked peaceful. His full lips parted slightly as he breathed in and out. He had dark shadows under his eyes and I figured he must not have gotten any real rest.

He was wearing the same clothes that he had on the night before and I realized that he'd stayed with me here all night in this room. I was overcome with so much love and gratitude for him that it overwhelmed me. It struck me that if it wasn't for Edward, I would be here alone. I would have had no one close to call for help last night. I could still be lying in that filthy garage where I had been so viciously attacked. I shuddered at the thought and tears filled my eyes. I sniffled and Edward's head shout up.

"Bella, baby," he said, concern filling his voice. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, nodding my head and wincing at the pain the movement caused.

He noticed and reached up to gently stoke my face and neck, calming me.

"Easy, love," he said. "Why are you crying?"

As he asked the question, I knew I didn't have an answer. It was everything overlapping at once; the terrifying events of the last night, all of which were still clouded in my memory. It was the pain that lingered in my mind and body, even though I was probably heavily medicated. It was the fact that he was here – _that he'd stayed all night with me_. He'd slept in a chair next to _my _bed…holding _my_ hand. It was the obvious love that I saw in his eyes as he looked down at me. The same love, that up until two days ago, I had been so unsure and scared of. But, as I looked at him, with his love and concern pouring out of him and falling on me in gentle, ebbing waves, I could only cry.

"I don't know," I said, honestly.

"Please don't cry, Bella," he pleaded with me. "It will only make you feel worse."

I took a deep breath, holding it in momentarily, before releasing it slowly. He sat back down in the chair beside the bed and took my hand again.

"You stayed last night," I said.

"Of course I stayed, Bella," he said, gently squeezing my hand. "Where else would I be?"

"It must have been uncomfortable." I was thinking about the way he looked as his head rested on his arm, leaning over the bed.

"I don't give a fuck about uncomfortable," he rasped. His voice was gravelly from lack of sleep. He looked at me and I was overcome by the raw emotion that was emanating from his eyes. "I was so scared Bella."

"Me too," I whispered, unsuccessfully trying to swallow back tears. "I was scared too."

"Can you…" he started, almost unsure if he should say what he was thinking. "Baby, can you tell me what happened?"

I looked in his eyes, resolved to tell him what had happened. The edges of my memory after the attack were still blurry, but I could recall with startling clarity the images of the man from the store…in the garage. I was about to open my mouth to tell him about it when we heard a knock and the door push open. Carlisle walked in, looking distinguished as ever. It always surprised me that doctors, in general, were always so polished. I didn't know if he'd been here all night as well, but he looked like he was in much better condition than Edward. He picked up the chart that was hanging from the foot of the bed and looked it over before returning his attention to me.

"Bella," he said, darting his eyes to Edward. "There is an officer here and he would like to know if you feel up to talking to him. They need to take your statement."

My bottom lip began to quiver and I bit down on it to make it stop.

"Do they have to do that now?" Edward asked, obviously annoyed. "She's only just woken up."

"I know that, son," Carlisle said in a soothing voice. I wondered if he was trying to calm him or me. "It would be better for her to give the details now rather than later, while the details are fresh in her memory."

He turned his attention back to me before he spoke again.

"This is your decision, Bella," he said warmly. "Are you up for this?"

"You're probably right," I agreed. "I should just get this over with."

He nodded his head and turned to walk out of the room. I looked over at Edward anxiously.

"Will you stay here with me while I talk to them?" I asked.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella," he said in a tender tone, replacing the irritated one from before. "I'm staying right here with you."

"Thank you."

I squeezed his hand that was still holding mine and took a deep breath, waiting for the officer to come in.

The officer came in and asked me to tell him exactly what I remembered. True to his word, Edward never once left my side. I recounted everything that I could recall, trying to be as descriptive as I possibly could. I told them about the altercation in the store first, about the things he'd said to me. I felt Edward tense at my words. He held my hand a little tighter, as if to comfort me, but I couldn't help but think that he was the one who needed comfort.

When I started talking about the actual attack, I began to feel panicky. I tried to center myself and recount the details as clinically and robotically as possible. I'd hoped this would help me stave off the inevitable tears. I told them about how he grabbed me from behind, the way he pulled my hair, the awful, disgusting things he'd said. I told them how scared I was, that I wasn't sure if he had a weapon. The longer I spoke, the lower my voice got. By the end, I was almost whispering and one single, fucking tear escaped my eye.

Edward released my hand the moment the tear fell. I cast a glance in his direction to see what had happened, why he'd let me go. The look on his face was anguished, livid even. I saw the hand that had been so gently holding mine; it was clenched in a fist that was so tight, it caused the veins to bulge out from his pale, perfect skin. I looked back at his face and his usually intense, beautiful green eyes were dark and filled with rage.

I realized that this was the first time Edward had heard what had happened. I wished that I had been able to tell him all of this in private. When he noticed me looking at him, his expression softened instantly and his eyes became apologetic. I was so caught up in his expression that I didn't hear what the officer was saying to me.

"Ms. Swan?"

I turned back to look at him.

"Umm…Yeah…I'm sorry, what did you say?" I stammered.

"You have the man on camera?"

"Yes," I said quickly. "Loss Prevention has the footage."

His question made me think about the store. I suddenly panicked as I realized that I hadn't contacted anyone. Edward noticed my change and asked me what was wrong.

"The store," I said, as if I fully expected him to know what I was talking about. "I'm supposed to be there this morning. I need to call Angela and Michael and let them know what's going on."

The officer was talking about having everything he needed and contacting me with a case number. I couldn't think about what he was saying because my mind was reeling with everything else that had occurred to me. On some level I knew Carlisle had ushered the officer out of the room, but I could only focus the things that need to be taken care of. I heard the beeping of the monitor grow more intense. Edward was standing beside the bed now, leaning over me. My head was hurting and I felt dizzy and overwhelmed.

"Bella, love," he said tenderly, but there was an undertone of concern. "You need to calm down. What's wrong?"

"The store, Edward," I cried. "The store…and Michael…and Angela…and Charlie…and my purse…and oh, god…all my credit cards…they need to be cancelled…and my keys…I lost my keys…and my car…what happened to my car?" I kept adding things to the list as they occurred to me.

The beeping of the monitor grew more persistent and seemed louder than before. I tried to take in a deep breath, but couldn't seem to get enough air. I felt disoriented and emotional.

"Carlisle!" I heard him yell. "Shhh…Bella, please, calm down."

Carlisle came back in and moved quickly to the bed.

"I think she's having a panic attack," Edward said.

"Bella," Carlisle said as he took a syringe and inserted it into my IV tube. "I'm going to give you something to help you calm down."

As he pushed down on the tip of the needle, I felt a cool sensation in my arm and almost immediately a sense of warmth washed over my body. I was whimpering and still crying, but my breathing slowed and the beeping of the monitor quieted. Edward had moved near the foot of the bed and I felt him rubbing from my ankle towards my knee. It felt good, comforting. My entire body felt numb and my eyelids felt so heavy. I fought to keep them open, but there was no use. As I drifted back to sleep, I heard Edward speaking.

"We'll take care of everything."

_I didn't know how, but I knew he would._

***************

I woke up later to the feeling of cool hands pushing my hair away from my face. They were so soft and loving and gentle. As I opened my eyes, I expected to find Edward, but instead, I was greeted with the delicate and beautiful features of his mother.

"Esme," I croaked. "What are you doing here?"

"Bella, sweetheart," she said. "I'm here while Edward is out taking care of a few things."

"Oh," I replied, trying not to be disappointed that he wasn't here with me. Which I recognized as completely selfish and instantly felt ashamed. I knew he'd been here all night and he probably needed to go home and shower and, hopefully, get some rest.

"He asked me to come and stay with you while he was away," she said, as she smiled down at me. "But, can I tell you a secret?" she asked, as she leaned in conspiratorially. "I would have come anyway, sweetheart."

She pecked me on the cheek and sat down in the chair beside the bed, smiling sweetly at me.

"Thank you," I murmured, not knowing what else to say.

"I brought you a few things."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, of course," she said. "Nothing much, just a nightgown and some _personal_ items that I thought you might need." She chuckled lightly as I blushed. I didn't really want to think of what '_personal_' items Esme had procured for me, but I felt oddly at ease with the idea of her being here. Her mere presence was comforting. "I didn't think you'd want to spend another night in the backless monstrosity that they call a gown here."

I looked around the room and saw that there were several bouquets of flowers; all in bright, cheerful colors. One of them, the closest one to me, sat on the table beside my bed. It stood out from all the rest even though it was much smaller than the other arrangements. It was a small vase of pink peonies.

_Edward._

I felt my blush deepen as I looked at the beautiful, understated flowers.

"Would you like to read the card?" she asked knowingly.

"Yeah," I whispered.

She handed me the little sealed envelope. I slid my finger underneath the paper and opened the envelope, pulling out the card. Tears pooled in my eyes as I read the words.

_I need you well._

_I love you._

_Truly._

"He loves you, you know," Esme said softly, but with conviction.

"I know," I whispered.

_Truly, I did._

***************

Edward appeared a little later, freshly showered and shaven and more beautiful than any man had a right to be. He smelled so, so good as he leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead. I thought about how disgusting I must be in contrast to him. I needed a shower. Esme whispered something about taking Carlisle out for lunch and something else about 'alone time' before she excused herself from the room.

"You look much better," he said warmly, reaching out to take my hand.

"I was just going to say the same thing about you," I sighed.

He was looking at me intensely and a line formed on his perfect brow. I wanted to reach over and smooth it away. He looked both worried and relieved simultaneously. It struck me, once again, that he saved me last night.

_He was the one to save me._

I was filled with gratitude and love for the man sitting next to me, holding my hand so gently, as if it were porcelain and he was afraid that he would break it.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Of course, love," he said; his voice low and full of emotion. "Are you alright?"

His thumb was tracing circles on the top of my hand as I nodded my head to answer his question.

"Edward, I…what I mean…you…" I stammered, tripping over my words as I tried to express to him what I was feeling. "You…you saved me."

"Bella," he whispered. "You're wrong."

His words were confusing and I didn't understand what he was talking about.

"But you did," I told him adamantly.

"Baby, you saved yourself," he said leaning over to wipe away the tears that had formed in my eyes. His touch was so gentle, so tender and caring. "Please, Bella, don't get upset."

"It was you…you and the buzzing," I maintained, and a look of confusion crossed his face. "It was buzzing…and I knew it was you…and I had to fight…for you…to get to you."

"Buzzing?" he asked.

"The phone, my phone…I could feel it," I told him. "It woke me up and I knew it was you."

He looked at me for the longest time, not saying anything. A million emotions played out across his face. He slowly, but very decidedly, leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. They were small, chaste kisses, but as I lifted my trembling hand to touch his smooth cheek, he whimpered into my mouth and deepened the kiss. He was, never once, too rough, but he continued kissing me like he was never going to have the opportunity to do it again. I was happy to oblige, since I needed the physical contact, the intense connection that only came from being joined together like that.

He finally pulled away, whispering the whole time about being worried and scared and never letting me go. He laid his head on the mattress, right next to mine and we stayed that way…just looking at each other and being in this moment where we were together…and I was okay.

"I love you, Bella," he murmured. "So fucking much."

"I love you too."

After a few moments had passed, Edward spoke again.

"I took care of everything."

"You did?" I asked, surprise filling my voice.

"How?" I asked, thinking back to the overwhelming list of things that had sent me spiraling into a panic attack.

"I had help," he stated simply, then smiled.

Almost as if on cue, the door to the room flew open and she flew in like a whirling dervish, one big bundle of hyper-activity. She rushed over to the other side of the bed and grasped my hand.

_Alice._

***************

**A/N**

**Okay, first things first. Thanks to RoseArcadia for making the fantastic banner and blinkie for Reatil Therapy. They are amazing! Also, thank you, Rose for recommending this story on your page. You are lovely and awesome and **_**dazzling**_**!**

**Thank you to my Betas Marvar and Blackbeltgirll! I loved the feedback for this chapter. Thanks, Marvar for finding all my little grammatical errors. You were able to see what I couldn't see after reading it twenty times! Boob-gropes and ass-grabs for both of you!**

**The response from last chapter was amazing! I know **_**a lot**_** of you are reading this! Please take the time to press the little blue button and review for me. I write-you review! It's a wonderful, little relationship we have…no? **

**On a side note…I was super excited to find out that one of my **_**favorite**_** authors is reading this little story of mine…and also a little nervous. If you know who you are…thank you! You made my week!**

**Marvar started a thread for Retail Therapy over on Twilighted. I am totally her fic-bitch now! The link is up on my profile page. Come and join us, won't you. I'll be posting teasers over there…and we do have lots of fun!**


	17. Something More Important

A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

I own Clinique Three-Step Skincare.

(I'm a two…in case you were wondering.)

No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter 17

The moment I saw her with her dark eyes sparkling in their crystal depths, my eyes welled up with tears. Edward tensed beside me, probably terrified of my having another panic attack. I bit down on my bottom lip and resolved myself to stop crying.

_Goddamnit, I was so emotional!_

"What are you doing here?" I asked her. "How did you get here?"

"Christ, Bella," she exclaimed. "Just because you get attacked by a crack-head, doesn't mean that the airports shut down."

She rolled her eyes dramatically at me before her expression completely changed to one full of worry and relief, all mixed together with the love that comes from the kind of true friendship that we shared. It felt familiar and comfortable, like my favorite pair of jeans that I didn't wear that often, but loved so much when I did.

_Alice was my family._

She leaned down and kissed me on my cheek, while squeezing my hand tightly in her little fist.

"Are you okay?" she asked, the concern in her voice evident.

"I am," I said. "I mean, I'm still sore and this fucking headache won't go away…but I'm okay." I looked over to Edward after I spoke; wanting him to know that I _really_ was okay. I was emotional, yes, but I was going to be fine. He smiled, though it appeared to be with much difficulty.

"Well, you look like hell, Bella," Alice said, with as much honesty as I would expect from her. I laughed without thinking, and the pain behind my eyes intensified slightly, but it felt so good to actually laugh, to feel as if I had something to laugh about. Not much had been funny in the last twenty-four hours. I tried to ignore the pain and focus, instead, on my best friend's biting wit and brutal honesty.

Edward released a breath of air loudly to my right before saying, "She does _not_ look like hell, Alice."

"Calm down, Darcy," she said, looking over at Edward. She looked at me with twinkling eyes and leaned in to whisper, loudly. "It's alright if I call him that now, right?" she asked. "I mean, he sort of knows that you have a crush on him. I think the cat's out of the bag on that one."

"Yeah, he knows," I said as I looked over at him, blushing furiously. His expression had softened and his smile seemed more genuine.

It was then that Dr. Cullen walked into the room, still looking fresh and crisp as ever. Of course, I still wondered how he did it. I heard Alice whisper the word "wow" beside me. I would have laughed at her reaction if I thought it wouldn't hurt. He really was a handsome man. Well, more than handsome, really. As a description, _handsome_ didn't seem to do the Cullen men justice. They were beautiful.

"Bella, how are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling better," I told him. "Still a little sore though."

"She said she still has a headache, Carlisle," Edward interjected.

"Well, unfortunately, that is normal under the circumstances." He took a small light from his jacket pocket and shined it into my eyes; first the right, then the left. "Your eyes are responding normally," he said, placing the light back into his pocket. "That's very good, Bella."

"How is your shoulder?"

"Umm…it still hurts a little," I said. "I haven't really tried to move it though."

"Do you think you could sit up so we can see your range of motion?"

I said yes, and as Dr. Cullen helped me up the back of the hospital gown fell open and I heard Alice gasp. Edward stood from the chair to see what was going on since his father was blocking his line of view.

"What's going on?" I asked, suddenly scared about what Alice had seen. "What is it?" My voice was higher than normal.

"Bella, I think that Alice is surprised by the bruise on your shoulder," he said in a soothing voice before turning to Edward. "Do I need to ask you and Alice to leave while I examine Bella?" His question was pointed and I could tell that it surprised Edward.

He turned his attention back to me and asked if that would make me feel more comfortable. I thought about his question for a fleeting moment. Under normal circumstances, I would probably have felt more comfortable with no one in the room while my backside was exposed for everyone to see, however, these were not normal circumstances. Carlisle was Edward's father, for one thing. That alone made this nothing, if not slightly uncomfortable. Also, I didn't know how well Edward would have reacted to me sending him away and it's not like I'd ever kept anything from Alice. She had certainly seen me in less clothing than this, well, both of them had actually.

"No, Dr. Cullen," I said. "They can stay."

He nodded his head and placed his hands on my arm. He lifted slightly and it felt stiff, but not overly sore. He lifted a little higher and my arm was facing straight out in front of me. I started to feel the pull, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. He lifted it again and that was when the pain became too much. He slowly lowered my arm and helped me to lie back down.

"Really, Bella," he started. "The range of motion is rather good considering the extent of the injury. It could have been much worse. You should be back to normal within a few days if you rest and take care of yourself." He chuckled lightly to himself before speaking again. "Or have someone else to take care of you." He looked over at Alice and Edward and smiled at both of them.

"So, when do I get to go home?" I asked, feeling optimistic.

"Well, we would like to keep you here for one more night for observation," he stated. "But if everything still looks normal in the morning, you should be able to go home then."

"Did you have any other questions, Bella?"

"A couple," I admitted.

"Yes?"

"Can I take a shower and change?" I asked, hoping he would say yes since I felt disgusting.

"Yes, of course, dear," he said. "If you feel up to it, that is. Esme told me she brought you some things."

"That would be wonderful," I said, smiling at him.

"I can have a nurse come in to help you with your shower."

"If you don't mind, Dr. Cullen," Alice interjected, "I can help her with her shower. I think Bella would probably be more comfortable with that." I relaxed at her words. I definitely wouldn't want anyone else helping me shower. It was going to be embarrassing enough as it were with Alice.

"That should be fine, it will be good for you to get up and move around a bit anyway." He looked at me expectantly, as if he were waiting on something.

"Bella?" he asked. "You said you had another question?"

"Oh…umm…yeah," I stammered, a gradual blush creeping across my cheeks. I had wanted to ask him about the crazy emotions, but I found that I didn't really want to do that in front of Edward. He was already so worried and stressed and, honestly, even though I would never tell him; that stressed me out a bit too.

"I was just wondering…umm…about the emotions, you know…and all the crying." I forced myself to only look at Dr. Cullen as I asked my question. If I'd looked at Edward and he appeared upset, I would have been upset too.

"Bella," he said softly. "Being emotional is a perfectly, normal response to what has happened to you." He smiled at me and I relaxed. "I would be more concerned if you weren't emotional. Aside from that, you're on quite a bit of medication, which can lend itself to the heightening of your sensitivities."

It all sounded so logical, and I felt better just having heard his explanation. I nodded my head to let him know that I understood what he was telling me.

"Well, if that's all?" he asked. "I need to finish my rounds. Feel free to have them page me if you need anything."

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen."

***************

An hour later, I was sitting on a chair in the tiny shower of the bathroom. Walking had been easier than I expected; Alice really didn't have to help me all that much. I ached a little, but it was nothing that I couldn't manage. My body was stiff and I was looking forward to the hot water that would soothe my aching muscles. I turned on the water, holding the shower head away from me while the water heated up. Alice was gathering the things that Esme had brought and as I sat there I thought about Edward.

Alice informed him that he had to leave while I showered and changed. He resisted at first, stating that he wanted to stay with me, but she held firm and insisted. She did give us a few moments alone while she stepped out to call Jasper. I thought back to our brief conversation.

"_One word, Bella," he said. "You only have to say 'stay', and I will."_

_His eyes were a dark jade and he looked so intense. The emotions that were radiating from his beautiful eyes stood in complete contrast to the gentle hum and comforting tone of his voice._

"_No, Alice is right…you should go," I told him, gently. "I'll be here when you get back and I'll be all clean and feeling so much better."_

_He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek, holding himself back as if he were afraid that he would hurt me. I reached out and took his hand in mine and pressed myself lightly into his form. He resisted at first, but the moment that our bodies made contact, I felt him relax. _

"_Besides," I murmured into his chest. "I don't want our first shower experience to be here in the hospital, with you washing my hair because I can't lift my shoulder to do it." I felt his chest expand as he took in an unsteady breath. I pulled back slightly to look at him. "When you wash my hair for the first time, I want it to be because you want to…not because I need you to."_

"_I love you, Bella."_

"_I love you too, Edward."_

The shower was wonderful. Well, as wonderful as a shower could be when you were in the hospital after being attacked. Alice had been particularly caring and attentive, and she made me laugh more than she probably should have. The hot water really had helped to soothe and relax my sore and aching muscles. I felt the grime and filth and the remnants of the attack wash away with every single drop of hot water cascading down my bruised and battered body.

_I felt clean._

_I felt good._

_I felt safe._

The hospital room was filled with the fragrance of the shampoo and body wash Esme had brought me…coconut and mint. It was really a lovely combination and I wondered if she had known they would complement each other so. It was so much better than the sanitary, hospital smell from before. It conjured images of sipping mojitos on a tropical beach, which would have certainly been an upgrade to my current surroundings. I finally felt like a real person again, especially after being able to brush my teeth and put on a soft jersey knit gown that covered my entire body, not just the front.

Walking back to the bed had been much easier than walking to the shower and I was beginning to feel more confident about going home in the morning. I asked Alice to reach me my phone so that I could call Charlie. She told me that Edward had her call him to let him know what happened. He didn't want his first conversation with my father to be about something so horrible. When I spoke with him, he seemed relieved beyond words that I was alright. He told me to thank Alice for keeping him informed and asked that I call him tomorrow when I got home from the hospital.

I looked over at Alice after I spoke with my Dad. I wanted to ask her for a mirror. I had yet to see myself since last night and I was anxious to know just how bad it really was. Alice told me I looked like hell, and while I desperately hoped she had been exaggerating a bit, there was a knot in the pit of my stomach that led me to believe that she wasn't. I'm not a terribly vain individual, but no one wants to look horrible, or 'like hell' as Alice had so eloquently stated.

"Alice," I started, hesitantly. "Do you have a mirror?"

"Of course I have a mirror, Bella," she said as she rolled her eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this now?"

"Why?" I asked. "Is it that bad?"

She walked over to her handbag on the corner table and pulled out a black Dior compact. I recognized it, because I had the same one. It was Diamond Dust or something ridiculous. I got it at a cosmetics launch party before the Fall Season began. I mean, _honestly_, who in their right mind wants to _sparkle_?

"Bella, it's not _horrible_," she sighed. "I mean you're not _disfigured_ or anything. It's not like I'm going to have to run around town, trying to find you a Phantom of the Opera Mask." she smirked, trying to make me laugh. "But you _are_ bruised and you have a cut on your left temple." Her voice was so much softer as she made the last comment.

She reached her hand out with the compact laying flat on her palm, looking at me cautiously. I reached out, tentatively, to take it from her, my hand trembling slightly. I opened it up and braced myself. Taking a deep breath, I held it up and looked in the mirror.

_It was bad._

_But, not horrible._

_Just like she said._

The bruise itself was worse than the cut. It cast a purplish tint over my left eye and down onto my cheekbone. I looked exactly like someone backhanded me across the face. Like the victim of some fucked-up domestic abuse story you'd see on the Lifetime Movie Network. And I _never_ watched the fucking Lifetime Movie Network. My jaw was a little swollen and I figured it was from the impact of me falling onto the concrete. The swelling would go down though. The cut on my temple wasn't big and they hadn't needed to do stitches. It looked like it was being held together with tiny pieces of tape. Overall, I would say that I was a mess.

A hot, fucking mess.

I wanted to cry.

But I also wanted to laugh.

I was feeling such conflicting emotions. I was enraged for what he'd done to me, that I hadn't been able to stop him. But, I was also grateful that it hadn't been worse.

_It could have been so much worse._

I tried to take comfort in that fact, and the strangest thing happened. The most soothing sense of calm came over me and I realized that everything was okay. I hadn't just given up, I had fought back! Even though I couldn't stop him completely, he didn't completely destroy me. These abrasions and cuts and bruises were all temporary, but I was okay.

_I was okay._

***************

I awoke to a dark room. It took me a moment to actually remember where I was. The medication was obviously still affecting me greatly and for the first time since last night, I was mostly free of pain.

_Mostly. _

I lay in the bed quietly thinking about the events of the rest of the day. Alice told me that Edward had called her last night and flew her out this morning. She laughed as she recounted telling her work that her sister had been injured. She said that she was able to justify the lie in her mind, since I was the closest thing she had to a sister and that she really _did_ consider me family. I couldn't have agreed more.

She told me that she and Edward had cancelled all my credit cards today and contacted my bank to let them know to put a hold on my accounts since they weren't sure if I had a checkbook in my purse. I had, so I was happy to know that they'd taken care of it. I asked her how she knew where to find all the information to cancel everything. She made a joke about how obsessively organized I was and that they found everything in my file cabinet at home.

My car had, of course, been stolen, along with my keys. Apparently, the police had found it abandoned in a parking lot on the south side of the city. It had been completely stripped. They had the locks to my apartment changed earlier in the day before Alice had even come to the hospital. My building was secure, so I didn't have any real reason to be afraid, but I did feel better knowing that the locks had been changed. The whole situation felt surreal. I mean, this was the kind of thing you heard about on the news. It didn't really happen to you in your own life.

Except it did.

To me.

Edward called Angela to let her know what happened as well as Michael. I shuddered to think how well that conversation had gone over. Michael actually called this afternoon to check on me and told me not to worry about _anything_, just to rest and recover and that he would call me later in the week to get an update.

Edward really _had_ taken care of everything. As I allowed the realization of that truth wash over me, I was completely in awe of this man. I was surprised that I'd woken up to find him missing from my room. Surprised and disappointed. I don't know why, but I guess that I sort of expected him to be there. I felt guilty for feeling that way. I had just been thinking about how wonderful he'd been for handling everything and yet, there I was wishing that he were there with me instead of at home getting some much deserved and needed rest. I thought about texting him. I was sure that they would have left me my phone, but that would probably make _him_ feel guilty and I didn't want to do that. I pushed the thoughts from my mind and tried to relax.

I didn't know if it was because I had been thinking about him or if it was because I was missing him, but the room seemed to hum with an energy that reminded me of the same energy I felt when we were together. It was palpable and real. It was like he was there, even though he wasn't. It was pulsing and radiating and covering me completely. It was soothing and stimulating all at the same time.

_Just like Edward._

_It was like I could feel him._

_Like I could feel our connection._

I shifted restlessly in the bed and the rustling of the sheets and the movement of my body sounded so loud against the backdrop of the otherwise quiet room. I sighed, hoping that I would be able to sleep again, because if I could just sleep for the rest of the night, it would be morning and I would be able to go home.

That was when I heard it.

"_Bella."_

It was no more than a whisper.

For a moment I thought I must have fallen back asleep and was dreaming, but it sounded so real. It was Edward. He was whispering my name. And then it happened again, only it was louder this time. My name was more pronounced.

"_Bella."_

He was there…in the room with me.

Without any thought or question I pulled the string above my head, causing the fluorescent light to buzz and flicker on. It cast a harsh, unforgiving glow on the hospital room and I heard a loud creaking sound next to the bed. I looked to the right, over the railing of the bed, and there he was… on a cot. He had been there all along…sleeping on a cot. His hands covered his eyes as he rubbed them with his palms. His eyes were blinking furiously as they tried to adjust to the light before finally landing on me.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

_Was he kidding?_

_Of course I was okay!_

_He was there!_

"Yes, of course I'm okay," I told him. "You're here."

I looked at him in his jeans and grey cotton pull-over. His bronze locks were unruly and a complete mess and I wanted to reach out and smooth them back…or run my fingers through them…or both. He also looked sleepy and I wanted to feel bad for waking him up. I really did, but I couldn't. Not when I had missed him so much and was so happy to see him here.

"Did you expect me to be somewhere else?" he asked with the most genuine smile I'd seen from him all day.

Just the sight of it warmed my heart, and if I hadn't been injured and in a hospital bed, I would have lunged myself over the bar and into his arms.

"No," I said in a small voice. "But, I thought that maybe you would be at home getting some rest."

I watched him as he stood up from the squeaking cot and walked around the bed. He sat down on the edge of the mattress near my feet. He was facing me and I felt the bed sink in from his weight. He gently rubbed my leg for a moment before answering me.

"I got some rest here."

I looked at the cot and then back to him and then back to the cot again.

Meeting his eyes one more time I said, "Not good rest." He chuckled.

"Well, it was definitely better rest than I would have gotten if I were away from you."

He looked at me for a long time, just holding my gaze. It was as if we were having our own silent conversation where a million words were said, but not one of them spoken out loud. The emotions of the last twenty-four hours swirled around us. Some of them we embraced and welcomed, some of them we pushed aside, but at the end of our quiet, little moment together, we had acknowledged every one.

"Come," I said softly, patting the bed next to me. "Come and lie down with me."

He looked at me for a moment, his expression was unreadable.

"Bella," he whispered.

He said my name and the sound of it wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a cold day.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"It will hurt me more if you don't hold me right now," I told him honestly. "Besides, you're not going to hurt me. We can be careful."

I scooted over to the edge of the bed, near the rail and I pulled back the sheet and blanket, beckoning him to simply come to me. I saw the moment he made his mind up, because his eyes flickered and the corners of his mouth lifted. It was subtle, but I saw it. He crawled up to the top of the bed, lying down next to me, his eyes never leaving mine. I saw the apprehension in them; he was scared. He was scared of hurting me. It was laughable, really. He was the one man, the _only_ man other than Charlie that would never hurt me. I had to show him that this would be okay…that we could do this without his fear.

He could hold me and I could hold him.

He turned on his side to face me and I gently, and ever so carefully, shaped myself to his side. It was perfect, almost instantly. He reached above our heads to turn off the offending light before placing his arm around my waist, careful not to touch my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around his stomach and pressed myself further into him. It was like melting, as our bodies recognized what our hearts already understood. My hands found purchase on his soft cotton shirt and I gripped it between my nimble fingers. I clung to him, breathing in his perfect, masculine scent, pressing myself closer to him, endeavoring to pull him closer to me. My pain was all but forgotten and I felt consumed by him as we both fell asleep.

***************

I looked at the picture on the wall in my living room, taking in its bright colors and vivid imagery. It reminded me of the night of my first date with Edward. Well, the night of _many_ 'firsts' with Edward. I smiled at the memory. Edward offered to bring me to his place while I recovered, but I told him that I would feel more comfortable surrounded by my own things…in my own space. He was happy to oblige and made arrangements to stay with me while I recuperated.

As expected, Dr. Cullen released me from the hospital on Wednesday morning. I had never been so happy to see my apartment since the day I purchased it. Alice came home with us that morning, wanting to help get me settled. For the rest of the day, Edward was nothing but attentive and wonderful. He made sure I wanted for nothing. I rested on the couch, not really wanting to spend the entire day in bed again; even if it was my own bed, with Egyptian cotton sheets and my soft, down comforter.

Edward stayed with me for the entire day, stepping out only a couple of times to take phone calls. I briefly wondered why he couldn't take the calls in front of me, but I figured it was probably about work and really had nothing to do with me anyway. Throughout the day, I would find him staring at me intently. It was almost as if he was afraid I was going to disappear.

"Is everything alright, Edward?" I asked once.

His expression softened and his eyes smiled.

"I'm fine, love," he said, in his beautiful, velvet voice. "And you?"

"I'm feeling so much better," I said earnestly, gratefully. "Thank you for taking such good care of me."

"Thank you for allowing me to take care of you."

By Wednesday evening, I felt well enough to take a shower…by myself. Much to Edward's objections, I might add. I stood firm, however, and he reluctantly allowed me. He did ask to at least be in the room in case I needed him, which I thought was sweet, if not the slightest bit overprotective. I was learning that Edward was nothing, if not slightly overprotective.

I got ready for bed that night, foregoing the prescription pain medication and opting for ibuprofen. I was a little weary of the clouded state of consciousness that the Percocet kept me in. I felt like it was better to use something lighter as long as the pain wasn't too intense and pain medicine had a tendency to make me sick anyway. I curled up next to Edward much the same as I had the night before. The only difference was that this time he rubbed feather-light circles across my bruised shoulder. It felt so good as it tingled and relaxed me. I fell asleep quickly to the calming soundtrack of Edward's deep, methodical breathing and his steady, beating heart.

I awoke the next morning, holding something soft. I recognized immediately that it was a pillow and not Edward. His side of the bed was cold, so he must have been up for a while. I padded out to the living room, after brushing my teeth and taking another dose of ibuprofen. Edward stood in front of the window in just his pajama bottoms. The morning sun reflected in the locks of his bronze hair that was still messy from sleeping and I could see the ripple of the muscles across his flawless back. It never ceased to amaze me how my body reacted to his.

He was beautiful.

He was on the phone and I didn't want to interrupt him so I stood there, quietly waiting for him to finish.

"Well, can't you just have it rescheduled?" he asked in a clipped tone.

I assumed he was talking about work and felt guilty at the possibility that I was keeping him from something important.

"No, that hasn't happened yet."

His voice was authoritative and it occurred to me that I'd never heard Edward use that tone of voice…other than in the bedroom.

I liked that voice.

I _really_ liked it…_a great deal_.

"I told you I would handle it."

I took in an unsteady breath and he must have heard me because he turned around. As his face came into view and his eyes connected with mine, the corners of his mouth turned up in a smile.

"I have to go," he said, as he walked across the room toward me. "Something more important just came up."

***************

I was relaxing on the couch with Alice later that afternoon. Edward had taken the opportunity to leave for a bit when Alice came over. He said he needed to go into the office and that he had a couple errands to run. I was feeling so much better and I could hardly believe that I was the same person that I was three days ago. I was really feeling more and more like myself. This pleased me very much and I smiled to myself. Of course, I was also smiling about my time with Edward this morning.

_After hanging up the phone this morning, he gently pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was soft and tender and loving and sweet, but passion bubbled just underneath the surface. Edward was the first to pull away, but not before I noticed his body's physical reaction to the kiss. It never ceased to amaze me how his body reacted to mine. I knew I wasn't ready for anything sexual to happen between us, but it was wonderful to know that I could still affect him the same way he always affected me._

Alice and I were talking about her new apartment when my phone rang. It was the front desk calling to tell me I had a visitor. Knowing it was Edward, I told them to send him up. I heard a knock at the door and figured that Edward must have forgotten to take a key. Alice made her way over to the door to open it for him.

"Bella," Alice said as she walked back into the living room. "You have a visitor."

"A visitor?" I asked. "Who is it?"

"Michael Newton."

***************

A/N

Thanks to my Beta and Goddess-Divine, Marvar. Thank you for talking me through this chapter and for your honest and direct feedback. It is better because of you.

Thanks to RoseArcadia for everything! Your support of this story has been wonderful.

Thanks to all my lovely readers. I love that you love this story! The response to the last chapter has been beyond amazing.

Please, leave me some love and review!

I will be taking the week of Christmas off and won't be posting until December 31st. I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday!

Come on over and join us on the thread on Twilighted. The link is posted on my profile.


	18. What He Didn't Say

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**I own a new Michael Kors dress for New Years Eve.**

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter 18

"Michael Newton?" I asked, wondering why he was here.

I stood from the couch and walked slowly over to the foyer, noticing that walking had become easier, but I was still a little sore. When I finally got there, he was standing in the doorway. He was dressed casually, in black twill pants and a red pull-over sweater. He had his jacket draped over his arm and was holding a manila envelope in his hand. He looked at me; an apprehensive expression covered his face and concern filled his blue eyes.

"Bella," he said. "I'm so sorry to just show up here at your home. I tried to call you, but I only got voicemail. I left you a message, and when you didn't return my call I was worried, so I decided to come and check on you." He was rambling, which was unlike him. In fact, I don't think I'd ever seen him speak when he wasn't completely confident and sure of himself. I was about to speak to let him know that it was okay, but he started talking again. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't be here bothering you while you're trying to recover." Sensing his nervousness for what it was, I decided to interrupt him.

"Michael, it's fine that you're here," I told him. "I'm not at all surprised that you would want to check on me, but I _am_ surprised that you are here. I didn't think you were in town this week."

"Umm...well...I-I wasn't," he stammered. "I came to see you…and to check on the store, of course."

He gave me a tentative smile.

"Please, come in," I offered, pointing toward the living room. "Let's sit down."

"Oh, of course, Bella," he said. "You probably shouldn't be standing for very long."

"She really shouldn't," Alice interjected with a scolding voice.

I turned to look at her, feeling slightly embarrassed that I hadn't introduced her.

"I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Michael, this is Alice, my best friend," I said, making introductions. "Alice, this is Michael, my boss."

They exchanged pleasantries as we made our way back to the living room.

Once we were seated, Michael asked what had happened. I told him the abbreviated version of my long story. He listened with a look of horror covering his face the entire time as I recounted the details of what had taken place three nights ago. Alice sat beside me, quietly holding my hand, offering her support.

"Jesus, Bella," Michael said solemnly. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."

"Don't be sorry, Michael," I told him. "It's not your fault. Besides, if it wasn't me, it would have been someone else and I'm just glad it wasn't an associate."

"How are you feeling now?"

"I'm feeling much better, actually. Alice and Edward have been taking really good care of me."

"Yes, Edward," he replied, shifting in his seat. "He was the one who called me to let me know what happened. I'm glad to know that you're being well cared for and if you need anything else, please feel free to let me or Angela know."

"Of course."

"I assume that you'll be missing the meeting this weekend," he said.

My mind started turning with the thought of missing the GM meeting. I had been so excited to make my presentation and I had put in so much work leading up to it. It wasn't until Saturday and Dr. Cullen had said that as long as I rested and took it easy, I would be back to normal in a few days.

"Honestly," I said. "I hadn't even really thought about it."

"Well, I certainly wouldn't want you doing anything that you weren't up for. We would miss you, but I have the outline you emailed me on Monday and I could have someone else present in lieu of you."

Just the idea of someone else presenting my work and using my thoughts and ideas incensed me. This was supposed to be my moment. I had worked hard for this and I knew that my plan for Fourth Quarter was well-thought out and basically flawless. It was the reason Michael had wanted me to present in the first place. I felt my bottom lip between my teeth as I bit down a little too hard.

"I wouldn't have to come out tomorrow," I began; a plan already forming in my mind. "I mean, it would have been nice to hear Benjamin Cheney speak, but not imperative."

"What are you saying, Bella?" Michael asked, looking at me speculatively.

"I'm saying that Dr. Cullen told me that I would be back to normal in a few days if I rested and took it easy…_which I have._" I looked over at Alice, who had been unusually quiet. I couldn't really tell what she was thinking, but I knew that she would support whatever decision I made-not that I needed anyone's support. "I could fly out on Saturday and just come for the meeting and make my presentation, and then I could fly back on Sunday."

"Bella, are you sure that you would be up for that?" she asked, finally breaking her silence. When I looked at her, her brow was creased and her dark eyes looked anxious.

"Of course I'm sure. I wouldn't do anything if I thought I wasn't ready for it."

"Bella," Michael said. "I don't want you to feel like you need to come. That's not why I came here. There will be other meetings and I don't want you to feel pressured to do something that you're not ready for."

I took in his words, turning them over in my mind. I understood what he was saying and I understood Alice's apprehension as well, but I am a grown woman…an intelligent one at that, and I would never make a decision that would cause me further harm or impede my recovery in any way.

"I don't feel any pressure to do this, Michael," I said calmly and directly. "If I _should_ decide to come, it would be _my _decision and _that_ decision wouldn't be influenced by _you_ or anyone else, for that matter."

Alice sighed loudly to my right and I purposely didn't look at her, I continued speaking.

"It was only a couple weeks ago that you sat across from me and told me that you realized that I would be successful because of my ability to persevere through difficult circumstances."

He looked at me, a flicker of recognition crossing his face before he smiled at me.

"I'll tell you what, Bella," he said, still smiling. "Take tonight to think it over and also to see how you feel, then you can let me know tomorrow morning what you've decided."

"I can do that," I said.

I heard the front door open and Edward walked into the living room where the three of us were seated. His expression was soft until he noticed Michael seated in the chair to my left. I saw the mild irritation in his eyes and his mouth formed a thin grimace and I thought I heard him mumble something, although it was too low for me to hear what he said. Turning his attention back to me, he smiled sweetly and walked over toward to me. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on my cheek. He pushed my hair back and moved his lips to my now exposed neck, lingering there a little longer than necessary. I felt my heart speed and I could feel my face flush down to my neck and chest. I knew he was trying to make a point, and he wasn't being subtle about it. I felt mildly embarrassed, but I knew that my reaction had far more to do with the feel of Edward's soft, warm lips on my skin than my concern over Michael witnessing Edward's public display.

"Good afternoon, love," he said before pulling away from me. "I didn't know that you were expecting company."

"I didn't know either, but Michael stopped by to check on me," I said, smiling in Michael's direction.

"Well, that was nice of him," he said and I could hear the mild sarcasm in his voice. I knew if I could hear it, Michael would certainly be able to pick up on it.

Before I could worry about the inflection of Edward's tone, he turned and walked to the dining room, muttering something about telephones. He placed his keys on the table and walked back into the living room and sat down in the chair opposite of Michael. I stifled a smile, knowing that he would have sat next to me had the seat not been occupied by Alice. I turned to Michael and offered him an apologetic smile. He returned one of understanding to me.

"Bella, I should be going," he said, looking down at the envelope that was still in his hand as if he'd forgotten it was there. "I'm sorry; I forgot to give you this." He handed it across to me and I took it from him. "It's just some papers from HR that need to be filled out regarding Short Term Disability and the accident report that just needs your signature."

"Thank you for bringing these, Michael…and for coming to check on me."

"No problem, Bella." He smiled at me genuinely, his blue eyes sparkling. "I'll look forward to your call tomorrow," he said, looking over at Edward briefly. I knew that based on his interactions with Edward, he would likely feel apprehensive about his response. He stood up and I began to rise as well, wanting to walk him to the door.

"Please, Bella," he said, holding up his hand. "Don't get up, you should be taking it easy."

Alice interjected by offering to walk him to the door and Edward glanced over in my direction, giving me a reproachful look.

Once Michael and Alice were in the foyer, he came and sat next to me on the couch. He looked at me and I could see his emotions displayed plainly on his perfectly, beautiful face. I might have gasped. I saw love and concern, but I also saw irritation. Before I processed what I saw, his head bowed to mine and kissed me. It was gentle, but there was more force than he'd used since the attack. It caught me off guard and I drew in a shaky breath. With my mouth open, his tongue that had been lapping at my bottom lip found entrance and pushed gently against my own. He tasted like cinnamon, all spicy and sweet.

He brought his warm hands up to my face, gently cupping each side, his fingertips grazing the shells of my ears and the sensation was delicately tantalizing, causing me to whimper into his mouth. Edward slipped one hand down, skimming my side before pressing it into the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. He pulled back slightly and placed three succinct kisses on my lips. Our foreheads were still touching and I opened my eyes and peered into his vivid green ones. I continued to be astounded by the depths of his eyes.

"Mmm…" he moaned softly.

"You should go away more often if you're going to greet me like that when you return," I said in a breathy voice and he laughed quietly.

"Or, maybe, I should just kiss you more," he added before giving me a final chaste kiss on my lips.

"Or that," I agreed with a giggle.

Alice made her presence known by clearing her throat loudly, obnoxiously even. Edward cast an irritated look in her direction before smiling at her, and I tucked my head in between his neck and shoulder, unwilling to give up the intimacy of our position. Edward, sensing what I wanted, leaned back into the couch and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Well," she began. "Seeing as how the two of you seem to be fine here on your own, I think I'm gonna take off." I looked up at her and told her thank you.

"Don't worry about it, sweetie. You know that I'm here for whatever you need, but I do have some things I'd like to get done, plus, looking at the two of you makes me miss Jazz."

"Well, he certainly misses you," Edward told her as her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "I just spoke to him a little while ago and he said that he was making plans for tonight."

"What kind of plans?" Alice asked in an excited voice.

"I don't know, Alice," he said. "I didn't ask him. It sounded like plans of a-umm…_personal_ nature."

"Personal, you say?" she asked. "Well then, Bella, if you don't need anything else?"

I lifted my head up towards her and smiled.

"No," I said, looking back at Edward. "I think I'm good."

"Alright."

She leaned down and gave me peck on the top of my head, making me feel like a child.

"See you guys later," she said as she collected her purse and coat. "Bella," she called back to me. "Call me in the morning."

I looked back over to her and she gave me a knowing look. I knew exactly what she wanted to hear in the morning, and I still hadn't decided what I was going to do. I actually _was_ going to wait to see how I was feeling before I made my decision. Even though, I pretty much knew what I would ultimately end up doing.

A little while later, we were still on my couch. We hadn't really moved and I wondered if Edward was getting uncomfortable. I turned to him and pressed my lips to his neck and he hummed in response.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him.

He pulled me closer to him, breathing in deeply.

"I was thinking about you actually."

"What about me?"

"Just how right this all feels?"

"What?" I asked, not sure what he was referring to.

"This," he said, squeezing me gently. "The way you feel here in my arms. It's as if you were made to fit me."

"Or," I added. "It's as if you were made to hold me."

I laid my head against his chest and nuzzled him. I could feel the solid span of his chest, I drew my fingers up his abdomen and felt his muscles constrict there underneath my touch. I wanted to feel closer to him. I wanted to feel my body pressed against his. In that moment, I wanted it more than anything else.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" he said; his voice huskier than before.

"Will you do something for me?"

"Anything," he agreed, without even thinking about it.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "You don't even know what I'm going to ask you."

"I know that there is _nothing_ I wouldn't do for you, love."

_I was beginning to believe that._

I thought about what I wanted to ask him and I blushed, but I pressed on, really hoping he would give me what I wanted.

"Will you…" I looked up at him, imploring him with my eyes. "Umm…will you…t-take a nap with me?"

He looked at me like I had three heads.

"A nap?" he asked. "You're nervous about asking me to take a nap with you, Bella?" He started laughing in earnest. "_A nap_?"

I ignored his laughter and pushed back my mild irritation at his response, because I knew he wouldn't be laughing for much longer when I told him the rest of what I wanted.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

"No, not really."

"Then why, if you could ask _anything_ of me, are you asking me to take a nap with you?"

"Well," I began. "What I really want is to lie down in the bed next to you…_naked_." I said the last word so low, it was barely audible.

I watched as his eyes grew wide and heard him take in a sharp breath.

"Bella," he said; his voice trembling ever so slightly. "I'm not sure if that's such a good idea."

"You said _anything_," I told him; hating the whine in my voice.

I watched as he brought his hand to my hair, pushing it behind my ear and away from my face. I shivered simply from the touch…his touch.

_I'd missed his touch._

"Bella," he breathed my name.

Before he could continue, I spoke again.

"I know that it might be too soon since…" I let my words hang in the air, not wanting to mention the attack. I didn't need to. The evidence of it was still apparent in the shape of fading bruises on my body. As I thought about that, I wondered if that was why he didn't want to see me naked. Still, I continued speaking. "And, I know I might not be ready for _everything_…but, Edward…I _need_ to feel you next to me."

He looked at me for a moment; a mixture of love and what could only be described as pain crossing his face.

"_All of you_," I added, soft and pleading.

"I don't think you understand what happens when I'm next to you like that, Bella." His voice was pleading too. "What you do to me."

I thought about what he was saying as I looked into his eyes. There was nothing but warmth and truth in his words and I knew that he was being completely honest.

"You're right," I told him. "I'm sorry; I wasn't thinking about what it would be like for you."

Something similar to relief crossed his face and I tried to bite back to rush of disappointment that I felt. I reached up and stroked his face before kissing him gently on the mouth. As I tried to pull away, I felt like he didn't want me to. He pressed himself closer and placed a trail of chaste kisses from my cheek down to my neck. He whispered something into my hair, but I didn't understand what he said. Before I could ask, he pulled back and suggested that maybe I lie down anyway, saying something about my recovery and my body needing more rest. Once again, I pushed back the disappointment and agreed with him, suddenly feeling more tired than I was before.

"Are you going to join me?" I asked.

"Maybe later," he said. "I need to make a couple calls and return some emails."

"Alright," I said, kissing him on the cheek one last time before rising and walking to my bedroom.

The light in my room was soft and muted as I pulled the covers around me. I'd changed into a grey tank top and matching boy-shorts and was completely comfortable, but my mood was melancholy as I lay in my bed alone...missing Edward. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep with thoughts of him permeating my mind.

***************

I don't know how long I'd been sleeping when I felt him press up behind me and wrap his arms around me. His masculine scent surrounded me as I inhaled deeply, smiling. He was warm, really warm, actually. His body heat enveloped me as I pushed myself back into him and he kissed me gently on my neck. We stayed like that for a few minutes before I realized that the reason he felt so warm was because he wasn't wearing anything. He wasn't wearing anything and his warm body was pressed against every inch of my own.

He was naked.

I wondered if I was dreaming.

He placed another kiss on my neck, but this time it wasn't chaste like before. This time, he opened his mouth and sucked tenderly; the sensation of his probing tongue mixed with his warm and sultry breath causing me to moan and shiver. I was sure I was dreaming. I decided that as long as I was lost in my own imagination, I might as well enjoy it. It was then that I heard his velvet voice all hot and rasping in my ear.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"What…why?" I asked, confused and still slightly dazed from sleep. "Why are you sorry?"

"I said that there was nothing I would deny you…and the," he paused and I felt his breath on my neck and ear. "And the moment," he continued, his voice growing lower. "The moment you asked me for something, the first thing I did was tell you no."

I whimpered at his words before the sound of his name formed on my mouth.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

He kissed my cheek and I turned my face back to meet his as he captured my lips with his.

It was soft and penetrating.

It was languid and vigorous.

It was everything.

All at the same time.

He kissed me like that until I was dizzy and desperate.

"Are you alright?" he asked pulling away from our kiss. "Am I hurting you?"

I could only shake my head in disagreement before attempting to pull his mouth back to mine, but the way my body was angled facing away from him made it difficult.

"Please," I whispered. "Kiss me…don't stop."

He kissed me again, softly this time, quietly; his lips caressing and his tongue licking gently and never really seeking entrance to my mouth.

"Shh…baby, relax," he said as he pulled away.

I relaxed into him; breathing in his scent and sighing in easy pleasure as I leaned my head back against his chest. I felt his fingers drawing a line down my arm and then back up again. He moved his and across my chest and them down to my stomach, grazing my breasts in the process. My nipples hardened instinctively at his touch and I heard him inhale sharply before I felt his warm breath blow across my neck, tickling and tantalizing me. I moaned without thinking about it and then my body tensed. I knew that Edward wasn't trying to arouse me, that he was just giving me what I'd wanted…him pressed against me, holding me, allowing me to feel close to him. I didn't want him to pull away. I prepared myself for his retreat and I was so surprised when it didn't happen. Instead of pulling away, he just held me closer and continued rubbing my stomach with his palm, his fingers playing at the hem of my tank top.

"Bella," he whispered my name, and the feel of his naked body against mine combined with the sound of his velvet voice sent a surge of moisture into my already wet panties. Without thinking, I pushed myself back further into him, feeling his arousal for the first time in almost a week. The movement caused a guttural moan to come from his throat as he tightly gripped the hem of my top. He leaned his head down and placed his mouth over the shell of my ear.

"Bella, I'm sorry if I made you feel rejected…truly, there is nothing I wouldn't give you, nothing I wouldn't do." His voice was thick and gravelly. "Nothing," he repeated, as if he were saying it to himself more than me.

I felt his hand slide under my tank top and while his warm hand was rubbing circles on my stomach, he used his other one to hold me closer to his chest. He was whispering in my ear, "Anything, I would give you anything." I felt his hand brush against the underside of my breast and I gasped, softly. His hand stilled for the briefest of moments and I was afraid that he was going to stop, but then suddenly he took my breast in his hand, holding it, massaging it gently. Then, he flattened his palm completely, straightening out his fingers and lightly grazed his hand across my already pebbled nipple, making it even harder.

"Does that feel good?" he asked in a voice that was low but smooth like silk. I tried to answer him by pushing myself harder into him and humming, but he spoke again and his hot breath flooded my neck and ear. "Tell me, Bella. Does that feel good? Use your words." His velvet voice was commanding and the vibration of his tone reverberated across my body, sending a shock of electricity to my now dripping core.

"Ye-yes," I told him softly, completely turned on by the way he was speaking to me. "It feels so good, Edward."

At my admission, he closed his hand and cupped my breast, before pinching my nipple. It wasn't with as much force as he normally used, but it caused me to moan. "Oh…oh, Edward."

"Yeah?" he responded. His voice was breathy and deep.

I felt his hand slide down my belly, his palm flattened out again. I was so worked up, my entire body tense from the desire that was coursing through me, my already sore and stiff muscles making me wince. I didn't care about the slight pain because he was touching me and making me feel so good, desired, loved. His fingers reached the waist of my boy-shorts and paused, just playing with the band before he dipped them underneath the cotton. My breathing was loud, almost embarrassingly so, but I was desperate for him to touch me _there_.

"Relax, baby," he murmured. "Let me make you feel good."

I felt my body let go at his words and I sunk into his warm chest. He was stroking the area around my pelvic bone, his fingers lightly pressing and dancing on my skin there. I fought the urge to squeeze my legs together; frantic with the need for friction, but my body was his instrument and I wanted to let him play me in whichever manner he wanted.

"I need to make you feel good, Bella," he whispered and I whimpered in response.

His entire hand slid underneath my panties and rested over the hot, swollen flesh there. The sensation was almost too much for me to handle. The heat of his hand burned through my skin as he gently, but methodically cupped and massaged me. I was making mewling, kitten like sounds that only seemed to spur him on.

"I can't love you like I want to love you now, because I would hurt you," he told me; his voice thick with need and sounding somewhat apologetic. "Let me love you like this."

I wanted to cry at the sincerity in his voice and the tenderness in which he was handling me.

His fingers stroked my outer lips and my sounds grew louder and more insistent. He slipped his middle finger just inside, sliding it up my slit before pressing it against my clit. I almost came right then.

"You're so wet, Bella," he whispered. "I'll never get over how much you want me."

He continued with the gentle stroking, making sure to press against my clit with every pass of his fingers. I could hear the slippery sounds of him sliding against my skin. He continued to whisper words in my ear, most of which I couldn't even comprehend because all I could focus on what the feeling of what he was doing to me. I felt him try to push inside me completely, but his hand stopped and I cried out at the loss. He leaned down and placed a wet kiss on my cheek.

"Lift your leg, baby," he said huskily. "Put it up on mine."

I eagerly did as he said, still loving the way he was talking to me.

"I need you open for me."

He slipped one finger inside, pushing in and pulling out at a slow pace before adding a second finger. I was writhing against his hand and moaning as he began to pump me harder.

"Tell me if it's too much…if I hurt you," he whispered.

He kept me pulled so close to him and the way he was touching me was going to make me come at any moment. He added his thumb to my clit and began to circle it as he continued to push in and out.

"You're so tight, Bella."

It was building, I could feel it. The muscles in my stomach began to clench and my legs were shaking, but he never once let up. The wet sounds of his fingers inside me were growing louder and more persistent, but he never once pushed me too hard and he kept me pressed so close to him that I didn't feel anything but pleasure. There was no pain. I was so close, just standing at the edge and what Edward did next, pushed me over completely.

He pressed his thumb against my clit and pushed into me once more, stilling his fingers, but circling his thumb.

"Come for me, Bella," he rasped. "Come for me."

I screamed out as I came and his mouth covered mine, sucking in every cry of my orgasm as he kissed me. His hand stilled completely and I pressed my legs together around him and I came down. My cries became whimpers and he still continued to take in every one.

"I love you, Edward," I told him over and over again.

"I love you too, Bella," he whispered back to me each time. "So much."

***************

I awoke the next morning with Edward still beside me, sleeping soundly. He looked so peaceful when he slept. His hair was splayed out on the pillow and fell across his forehead. As I watched him, I thought back on the events of the previous evening. After Edward gave me the most amazing orgasm, I had tried to reciprocate. He wouldn't allow me to, stating that he'd wanted it to only be about me and I found that, once again, I was overcome by how much I loved him…and how much he loved me. I wasn't sure if I would ever become accustomed to that kind of all-consuming love and adoration.

Edward was perfect.

He was perfect and he was mine.

I woke him up with soft kisses after a while, wanting to let him sleep, but needing to be with him. We had a relaxing morning together, eating breakfast and drinking coffee while Edward returned some emails and I checked the store's business. I felt better than I had the entire week and I knew what my decision was regarding the GM meeting. I was going to go and I needed to call Michael, but I needed to tell Edward first.

I was nervous about how he was going to react. I knew he would be concerned, but I hoped that he would understand my need to go. I also hoped that he would know that I hadn't reached this decision lightly, and would definitely not go if I didn't feel like I was up to it. As I looked at him across the table, he looked up and smiled at me.

"Edward," I said, breaking our comfortable silence.

"Yes, love," he said, closing his laptop and giving me his undivided attention.

"I've made a decision, and I want to talk to you about it."

My heart was pounding and I hoped that he would be understanding, if not, at least agreeable.

"Well, this sounds serious," he said with a smirk and I smiled at him. "What is this decision that you would like to discuss?"

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves and looked him in the eye.

"I've decided to go to the GM meeting this weekend to make my presentation."

His expression changed from one of contentment, to aggravation. His eyes that had been sparkling only a moment before were now liquid steel. I continued speaking in an attempt to break the uncomfortable silence.

"I'm feeling _so_ much better and I really want to make my presentation. I told Michael that I would think about it last night and if I was feeling better, I would call to let him know that I would be attending."

His expression never changed once; if anything, he only grew more rigid. He didn't say anything, so I continued on.

"I'm not going to go today. I'm waiting until tomorrow and I'll only be gone one night. Edward, I know that you're worried about be, but _really_, I _am_ feeling better. This is important to me. I hoped you would understand."

I held his gaze as he sat there and said nothing. He brought his hand up and ran his fingers through his messy hair, distracting me momentarily. When he looked back over at me, I could tell that he was not going to be understanding _or_ agreeable.

He sighed loudly before saying, "Absolutely not."

I took in his stony gaze and fought back the urge to laugh at his refusal.

"What do you mean? Absolutely not?" I asked.

He looked at me and laughed, as if I'd told him a joke and honestly, I found that patronizing.

"I mean, absolutely not," he said firmly, almost harshly. "You're not going."

His words shot through me and I was suddenly furious.

"I'm sorry," I said with sweet sarcasm. "I didn't get the memo that said you could tell me what to do. I'm not your employee, Edward, and the last time I checked, you were not my father." I could feel my face flushing with anger and indignation. "You don't get to tell me what to do. I'm a grown woman and I am more than capable of making my own decisions."

He looked at me, shock crossing his beautiful face at what I'd said.

"Fucking Christ, Bella," he yelled, slamming his hand down on the table, startling me. "You're not going! I can't even believe that you would consider it after what you've been through! "

I stood up from the table and walked around to his side. His eyes followed me the entire time. I stopped short at the end of the table, looking at him, daring him to challenge me again.

"Stop talking to me as if I were a petulant child," I snapped.

"Then stop acting like one," he snapped back.

I blinked back the angry tears that were forming in my eyes from the harsh way he was speaking to me. He'd never spoken to me in this manner. No one had; not even Charlie. I turned and walked into the living room, needing to get away from the situation so that I could calm down.

He followed behind me and I turned around when he started to speak.

"Did _he_ put you up to this?" he asked furiously. "Is that why he was here yesterday?"

It was my turn to laugh then…and I did. I almost sounded hysterical.

"Do you know what's fucking great about that question, Edward?" I asked him. "_He_," I said, putting emphasis on the word just like him. "_He_ told me that _he_ thought it might be too soon. The only difference between _him_ and you, however, is that _he_ gave me a choice. _He _told me it was my decision!"

Edward stood there looking at me, stunned and silent.

"It's too soon, Bella," he said. "You're not ready."

"I'm sorry again, Edward," I said, my tone biting. "I didn't know you were a doctor too. I mean, your father told me that I would be back to normal in a few days if I rested and took it easy. Are you telling me that he gave me incorrect information?"

I was baiting him and I think he knew it.

"Be reasonable, Bella!" he yelled.

His words only served to irritate me further.

_Now I was being unreasonable?_

"You be reasonable!" I yelled back. "This is my job, Edward! My job!" I looked at him, pleading with my eyes, imploring him to understand. "You know how important my job is to me! I've been nothing but honest and open about that! How dare you call me unreasonable? And how dare you think that you have the right to dictate what I can and cannot do?"

He looked at me for a long moment before crossing the space between us in four long strides. He reached out and tried to take my hand, but I jerked it away causing my shoulder to ache slightly. I winced from the pain. He looked at me with a pained expression on his face and I wondered if it was from me pulling away, or if it was from seeing my own pained expression. I couldn't tell, and the thought of it being either reason made me sad.

"I think we need to take a break, but we're not finished with this discussion," he said with finality.

Once again, with the orders.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, you're right about one thing," I said.

"And what's that?" he asked, his voice cold and lacking emotion.

The thought of Edward as an unfeeling person covered and clouded my mind. It stood in stark opposition to everything he'd demonstrated to me so far. The idea of it was almost too much to bear. I loved him, but I wouldn't allow him to treat me this way.

"You're right about needing to take a break, but this discussion _is_ over, Edward."

I looked at him, silently daring him to challenge me. His nostrils fared and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I think you should leave."

As I said the words, I felt like my heart crack and I choked back the sob that was threatening to push its way from my chest. A panicked look crossed his face and I saw his hand twitch as if he were going to reach out to me again. I kept my eyes on his hand, knowing that if I looked at him I would break.

"Bella, please," he whispered. "Talk to me."

"I wanted to talk, Edward," I said, still looking down at his hand. "You were the one barking out orders and treating me like a child. You were the one who didn't want to talk, _not me_."

I finally looked up into his emerald eyes.

"You told me once that you would be the man that wouldn't make me apologize for being who I am," I told him in a trembling voice. "This is who I am, Edward. I'm not a child and I won't be treated like one."

He looked at me for a long moment.

_Please._

_Please, tell me you understand._

_Please._

He sighed, but didn't say anything and the absence of his words spoke louder than if he'd yelled at me again.

"Please, leave."

He still said nothing.

I watched as he walked dejectedly over to the closet and took out his coat. I followed him into the foyer and he paused with his hand on the door. I thought he would turn around and say something, anything.

_He didn't._

I watched as he opened the door and walked out, closing it behind him with a soft click. My legs were heavy like lead, but they managed to carry me to the door. I placed my palm on the door and my mind tried to process what had just happened.

_Nothing._

_He'd said nothing._

I turned my body around and slid down to the floor. My silent tears developed into wracking sobs before turning into soft whimpers. I don't know how long I sat there, but eventually I lifted myself from the floor and padded over to get my phone. I dialed the number and listened to it ring, before I knew it my own voice was speaking.

"_Michael, this is Bella. I'll be flying out tomorrow. Please email me the travel arrangements."_

***************

**A/N**

**Thanks to my FicWife and Beta, Marvar. You not only make my words better, you really do make them **_**sparkle**_**.**

**Love you, BB!**

**Okay, so, thanks to **_**everyone**_** that is pimping this story out for me! **

**Please let me know how you found out about Retail Therapy so I can thank all the right people personally. :)**

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**Lastly, Happy New Year to all of my lovely readers!**

**I adore you!!!!**


	19. SeventeenTwelve

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own two crazy cats. Well, really only one of them is crazy.**_

_**The other one is devious.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 19

As I walked into the bar in the hotel, I could see a few people that I recognized from Fineley's. I saw Michael at the bar with two other Regional VPs. They looked like they were having a serious conversation, but Michael's eyes lifted and met mine. He smiled warmly at me and mouthed the words, "Thank you." I smiled back and nodded my head in appreciation. I could feel the blush creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks. Today had been successful, for both him and me. I was proud of that.

As I made my way to the bar, I took in the various groups of people scattered around the room. Some were little cliques of people that I had come to know over my four years with the company, some were just people that were staying at the hotel. A few people approached me to say that they appreciated the presentation. I said thank you, graciously, and fought the urge to roll my eyes, knowing that not one of them was sincere.

I took an empty chair at the bar, longing to just go back up to my room…_my really spacious and beautiful room_. It wasn't even a room. It was a suite. I was surprised that the accommodations for this meeting were so nice, actually. But, I didn't want to return to my room because it was so nice; I wanted to be there so that I could be alone. And, I wanted to be alone so that I could think about _him_, but being in the bar with my colleagues was the right thing to do. I resigned myself to the fact that I could just as easily sit here and reflect on the catastrophe that had been the last two days of my life.

The whole fucking week had been a disaster, really.

The bartender approached me and asked what I was having. I ordered a Washington Apple Martini. I watched as he made the drink, listening to the sound of the ice in the shaker, observing the way he poured the alcohol straight from the bottle, not measuring anything. 'This would be a strong drink,' I thought to myself and I smiled. I needed a strong drink. Maybe I would be able to actually sleep tonight. I sure didn't get any sleep the night before. The extra make-up to cover the slight bruise that remained on my face was equally as beneficial in covering the dark circles under my eyes. As the bartender shook my martini, my mind drifted to the previous day.

_Michael had been pleased that I would be attending the meeting. After I hung up the phone with him I sat on the couch for the longest time…just staring at nothing. I didn't cry again. I refused to. Honestly, I didn't have it in me to cry anymore; at least, at the time. The whole fucking week had been like merry-go-round of emotional upheaval and I was through spinning. I wanted to get off and stand on stable ground for a bit. _

_I was numb._

_The numbness turned to anger as I thought about the fact that Edward had just walked out of my apartment. He'd just fucking walked out…without a word. To me, that was the worst part. The nothing that he gave me was far more devastating than the yelling and demanding tone he had taken with me._

_Prick._

The bartender brought me my drink and placed it before me on a red cocktail napkin. I took a long sip and felt the whiskey burn as it made its way down my throat. I welcomed the burn, enjoyed it. It was better than the burn of the tears that I'd pushed to back of my throat since he'd walked out. As I swallowed, I could taste the sweet hint of apples that lingered on the tip of my tongue. I looked around the room and tried to will away my sad thoughts for just a little while. My eyes reached Michael's once more and he smiled at me. I watched as he excused himself and walked over to me.

He took the seat next to mine and ordered a scotch as he looked at me.

"You really did a great job today, Bella," he said with a look of pride. "I know it must not have been easy for you to come, but I'm happy you did."

"Thank you, sir," I told him as he chuckled.

_He had no idea how difficult it had been for me to come._

He took a pull of the amber liquid in his highball glass and sat it on the counter.

"I think it would be alright if you didn't call me sir, Bella." He was smiling, but a look of concern crossed his face. "How are you?" he asked. "You don't look that great."

I gave him a faux-appalled stare as he began to trip and stumble over his words as he tried to backtrack.

"Umm...er…What I mean is…I mean; you look great, fantastic actually."

I laughed at his feeble attempt.

"Really," he added, a little more composed this time. "You look wonderful. I just meant that you don't look rested, happy."

"Am I that transparent?" I asked.

"Is everything okay, Bella?"

_No, it's not okay…and I don't know if it will ever be okay again._

_Edward left. He left and he said nothing._

I thought about his question and my mind wondered back to the previous day.

_I don't know why, but I expected him to come back, to at least call. He didn't. I cleaned the kitchen from the breakfast we made earlier. I went into the bedroom to shower and change. I looked at the bed. My mind was assaulted with the memory of what he'd done for me in that bed the previous day. He'd touched me, held me. He had spent every night holding me there, holding me and making me feel better…feel safe._

_How the fuck could he have just left like that…without saying something, anything?_

_I wanted to wrap myself in the sheets of my bed and cry, but the tears would not come. It was as if my heart and my mind were in this epic struggle for dominance. My mind won. It always did. Because, for as much as I loved Edward and I loved him, completely and wholly, I would not allow him to treat me like that. He'd called me a child…he'd called me unreasonable! I wondered if it would always have to be this way, if my will would always overpower my heart. I hoped, no, I believed, that Edward would be the man that would love me for who I am. _

"Bella?" Michael's voice brought me out of my memory induced daze. "Bella, are you alright?"

I shook my head slightly and brought my attention back to man sitting beside me, trying to focus.

"I'm sorry, Michael," I said. "I was just a little distracted. I must be tired."

He chuckled and put his hand on my arm, squeezing gently. It felt odd for someone other than Edward to touch me. As I considered that, I had a fleeting thought that Edward might never touch me again. Just the idea of that made my stomach turn.

"That's okay, Bella," he said in an understanding voice. "If anyone has a reason to be distracted and tired this week, it's you."

"Thank you," I replied, embarrassed.

"How are you doing?" he asked. "I mean, you look good, but _really_, how are you feeling?"

"Really, I'm fine," I lied. I mean, physically, I _was_ fine. Today had been a little tiring, but it was the first day that I'd done anything. "Like I said, I think I'm just a little tired."

"Well, don't stay down here too long," he said in a concerned voice. "Maybe you should turn in for the evening."

"Maybe," I agreed, smiling at him. He really was a wonderful man and a great boss.

"I need to make the rounds," he said, shifting in his seat to face me directly. "But, before I do, I just wanted to tell you what a great job you did today. Your presentation was well-thought and articulated perfectly. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Thank you, Michael, really, that means so much to me."

When Michael walked away I decided I should call Alice. I had spoken to her yesterday to tell her that I was coming. She said that she wasn't surprised and then pissed me off by asking how Edward was. I told her that I wouldn't know how Edward was since he left without saying a word. She didn't press me for details, but told me that she would always support any decision that I made. She asked if there was anything that she could do to help me get ready and I told her that I should be fine. She'd even offered to drive me to the airport since I was still waiting on the insurance company to replace my car, but I told her that since I was only going to be gone overnight and would only be taking on bag, I would just take a taxi.

I dialed the phone and waited for her to pick up. She didn't even say hello.

"Bella, how are you?"

"Fine, a little tired though."

"I think I'm going to turn in for the night."

"That's probably a good idea. How was the meeting?"

"The meeting was good, I guess. The presentation went well."

"Well, that's good."

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Jazz is making me dinner and helping me hang paintings."

As soon as she spoke about Jasper, my mind immediately went to Edward. I wanted to ask if they had heard from him, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Once again, my mind was dominating my heart. Who knew my heart was so fucking submissive? Alice seemed to notice my pause.

"Bella, why didn't you tell me that you told him to leave?"

My face flushed at her words. I had told him to leave, but only because he was being an ass. I wanted him to talk to me like an adult. I wanted us to work it out together.

"I told him to leave because he was being an ass," I stated simply.

"Let me ask you a question, Bella."

"Okay," I said hesitantly.

"When you made your decision, did you ask Edward's opinion about it at all?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Bella, did you ask him what he thought about it _before_ you made your decision?"

My heart sank at her words. Alice knew me better than anyone. I hadn't asked him what he thought, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew I was wrong for that.

"No," I said in a voice so soft, it was almost a whisper.

She was silent for a minute. I could hear her breathing on the other end of our connection. I thought I knew what she was going to say to me, but nothing could have prepared me for the words that came from her mouth.

"Bella," she said in a small but decided voice. "I'm going to tell you something and I want you to listen without interrupting me. Can you do that?"

"Yes," I agreed, meekly.

"I wasn't going to tell you this. In fact, I really don't think Edward would want me to, but I think you should know. Especially, in light of what has happened. Bella, when you were attacked and admitted into the hospital, Edward called me frantic…" she paused. "…_that night_. Not the next morning. He called me that night before you ever woke up. I have never heard anyone as distraught as he was. He was the one that flew me out early. He knew that you would need me."

As I listened to her words, my breathing became shallow and my heart-rate spiked at the thought of how scared he must have been.

"He never left your side, Bella. Not once, unless he was doing something to take care of _you_. And when he did leave, he made sure that someone was there with you. But when he was with you, Bella, _he was with you_. He never stopped holding your hand and you would say his name in your sleep…and Bella, he would cry."

I choked up the tears that I could no longer swallow back in my throat. I was aware of my surroundings and quickly stood up and went to the ladies room.

"Now, I can't be sure about the crying thing, because he would always turn away from me, but I'm pretty sure that's what he was doing. And even then, Bella, _even then_…he still never let go of your hand."

"Alice," I choked out her name and my voice sounded muddled and weepy. "I didn't know all that!"

"I know you didn't," she said softly. "You were asleep for most of it, sweetie. But," she added. "You haven't been asleep for the last four days and you've watched how he's taken care of you…how he's basically put his life and job on hold to take care of you…to make sure you're okay and comfortable. You told him to leave, when he'd done nothing but stay."

She was right, everything she said was right. I should have asked him what he thought about me coming here. Maybe we would have agreed and maybe we wouldn't, but I should have been the one to initiate open dialogue. The realization of my error and the knowledge of what Edward had done for me hit me like a ton of bricks. I sat down in the stall of the ladies room and tried to compose myself. I thought about all the terrible things I had thought over the last two days and I was sick. I needed to call him, needed to hear his voice and apologize.

"Now, Bella," Alice continued. "I'm not saying that Edward wasn't in the wrong too. He shouldn't have reacted the way he did, but I think you needed a clearer understanding of what might have been motivating him at the time. And it was only worry and love. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"Yes, Alice," I said quickly, needing to get off of the phone so that I could call him and pray that he would listen to me. "Alice, I need to go. I need to call Edward."

"I think that's a good idea," she said. "And, Bella," she added. "I want you to know that I think you should have gone to the meeting. It's what I would have done. I love you and I'm proud of you."

"I love you too, Alice," I said and then hesitantly asked, "Do you think he'll talk to me?"

"There's only one way to find out."

I hung up the phone and with a pounding heart I quickly found Edward's number on my phone and dialed. It rang once…twice…three times before going to voicemail. My racing heart sank in my chest. I couldn't leave him a message. I would never get the words right. I held my phone in my hand, trying not to cry and I decided to send him a message.

With trembling fingers, I tried to type on my iPhone.

_Edward,_

_I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

_I should have talked to you. _

_I should have talked to you first._

_I know that now, and I'm here, alone, and can't reach you._

_I'm sure you're not ready to speak to me,_

_and if that's the case, I completely understand._

_I was thoughtless and ungrateful, but I promise you,_

_I didn't mean to be._

_I hope we can make this better._

_Please, tell me how we can make it better._

_I have my phone. Please call me…if you want to._

_I'm still choosing, and I still belong to you._

_I can only hope that you still belong to me._

_~Your Bella_

I hit the send button on my phone and resolved to give him some space. As difficult as it would be, I knew he probably needed time, just as I thought that I had. But I didn't need time, I needed him. I loved him and I needed him to forgive me. I needed us to forgive each other.

I was getting ready to stand up and leave the stall, when I heard someone walk in. Two people. Normally, this wouldn't have deterred me, but I heard one of them say my name. I knew I should have walked out and made my presence known, but I wanted to hear what they were saying.

"And did you see Bella Swan tonight?"

"Yeah, who didn't?"

"Could she be any more obvious?"

'Anymore obvious about what', I wondered silently to myself, though, I was pretty sure I knew what they were referring to. I didn't recognize the voices, but I listened intently from behind the door.

"I know, and she was with him, right there at the bar."

"You can't tell me that she's not fucking him."

"Of course she is. Everyone knows that."

"You don't get ahead that quickly, I don't care how good you are."

They both giggled like gossiping schoolgirls, and that was what it reminded me of. High school. Only, I wasn't the shy girl afraid to stand up for herself, cowering away in a bathroom stall. I was a capable and intelligent woman who had earned her place in this company and no one was going to say that I'd done it any other way than through fucking, hard work and determined resolve. I don't know if it was the drama of the last two days or the fact that I was just fed up with the snide comments and derogatory insinuations, but I'd had enough. I was going to say something…and I was going to say something now.

As I was opening the door to the stall, I heard one of them say, "Oh she's good, alright." She snickered before adding, "On her knees."

I figured I could handle this one of two ways. I could be angry and spiteful - _which I was_ - or I could act with the class and decorum that made me better than them.

_And I was better than them._

I walked out into the generic ladies restroom and took in the stunned faces of the two women that had just been degrading me in the most juvenile manner possible. I smiled internally at their mortified faces. I recognized them both immediately, even though I'd never had any real interaction with them other than functions like this. They were both older than me. They appeared to be in their thirties, and as I contemplated the two women standing in front of me, all I could think was how sad it was for someone to be so bitter and resentful at such a young age. Yes, it was sad, but I was still furious and I had a point to make.

"I'm sorry, ladies," I said as sweetly as I could. "Were you not expecting anyone to be in here?"

They continued to gape at me, their mouth hanging open in a perfect 'O' shape. When it was apparent that they weren't going to say anything, I decided to keep going.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that the first rule of being a bitchy, mean girl was to always check under the stalls of the bathroom first?"

I held their gazes without blinking. I had put up with this for far, too long. A part of me felt badly for what I was about to do, but it was far out-weighed by the part of me that sick and fucking tired of the general lack of respect and catty comments I had endure over the last few years.

"I mean, really ladies? Don't you think that you should be above catty gossip? Aren't we all educated and intelligent women…or is that just me?" I asked before laughing a little to myself. "But I forgot, didn't I? You don't think I'm educated _or_ intelligent do you? You think," I paused, letting the words I'd said settle in their minds. "What was it that you said?" I asked sardonically, bringing my index finger up to my lips and tapping lightly, pretending to try to remember. "Oh, that's right," I exclaimed. "You thought I was good on my knees." My eyes narrowed as I looked to the woman who'd said those words, in particular. "I'm sure Michael Newton would love to hear your theories. I'm pretty sure that he's still out in the lounge, maybe we should go get him."

I turned on my heel toward the door, knowing they would never let me leave.

"Bella, please," I heard one of them say and I abruptly halted with my hand on the door. "We're sorry."

I turned around to face them one last time.

"I don't want your apology," I said. "Though, I deserve it. The really sad thing is that you don't even know me. You don't know a single thing about me other than the image you've created in your mind. And that image is wrong."

I looked at them both and I realized that what they thought or even said didn't matter. I knew who I was and that was a person of integrity and worth. I chuckled at my little epiphany and turned around once more and walked out the door, leaving them behind.

When I got back to the bar, I noticed that most everyone had left and retired for the evening. That was probably what I should have done, but I decided to stay and have one more drink while I waited and hoped that Edward would call or at least respond to me in some way.

_What if we'd fucked this up?_

I didn't know what to do with even the thought of that. Just the idea that he would no longer be a part of my life caused a knot to loop and tie in my stomach and it made it hard to breathe.

_He would have to forgive me._

Alice said that the reason he was so upset was because of how concerned and worried he was…how much he loved me. I tried to console myself with that knowledge as I placed my phone on the bar in front of me, willing it to ring.

As I sat in the bar that wasn't so different from the place I'd first met him, I lost myself in the memory of that first night. It was the first night I'd seen his vivid, emerald eyes, the first time they'd peered into my soul, but that night, something in him recognized something in me. We were connected and it was reflected in the intensity of our stares. I remembered not being able to look away and the inexplicable draw that he possessed for me.

I remembered his voice, the way the velvet texture stroked and caressed me before wrapping around me like the warmth of a blanket on a cold night. The way my name sounded as he spoke, causing my heart to stop briefly, before exploding into rapid and erratic pounding in my chest.

I remembered the electricity I felt swirling around us for the brief moment that he stood close to me. He'd never even touched me that night, but I could still _feel_ him. I remembered being both scared of and drawn to that feeling. I couldn't tell if it was because he was so present in my thoughts, but it was as if I could feel him then. I looked down at my phone, hating it for its silence.

_Ring dammit!_

"May I buy you a drink?"

I turned around as the velvet voice of my memory spoke behind me. He was there and he was real and perfect and standing before me.

"Wha-What are you…?" I stammered.

The shock of his presence was evident on my face and in the trembling of my hands that were longing to reach out and touch him, needing to pull him to me. He reached out and touched my cheek, his fingers tickling the skin close to my ear. His touch calmed me almost instantly and I watched as a quiet smile touched his lips.

"I asked if I could buy you a drink," he said, still smiling, but his emerald eyes were dark and I got lost in them.

"No," I said softly. "I don't want a drink."

He looked at me, his hand moving down to my neck, and he took in a deep, but shaky breath.

"What _do_ you want, Bella?" he asked.

"You," I whispered. "I've only ever wanted you."

At my words, I felt his fingers slip through my hair at the base of my neck. He closed his hand around the strands, pulling gently.

"Does your check need to be settled?" he asked, still not releasing my hair and holding my gaze with his.

"Umm…yes," I said.

He took the hand not touching me and reached in his pocket and pulled out a bill. He never once looked at it to see what it was; he simply placed it on the counter behind me and picked up my phone, sliding it into his pocket.

"Take me to your room," he said; his voice low and rough.

He slid his hand from my hair, his fingers dragging down the skin of my arm leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. He took my hand and twined his fingers with mine, pulling lightly, urging me to stand. I did so, without question, grabbing my clutch from the side chair.

We made our way to the lobby of the hotel and over to the elevator. He pushed the button and we stood together, hand in hand, waiting for the doors to open. I watched the pronounced rise and fall of his chest and he breathed in and out. I saw the vein in his neck as it pulsed and longed to reach up and kiss it, kiss him. When the doors opened, he pulled me inside. My heel caught in the groove of the floor and I tripped, but his arms instinctively reached around me, not allowing me to fall.

"What floor?" he asked.

"Seventeen."

He was pushing the button before the number even fell from my lips. Once the doors shut he took me in his arms and pushed me back against the wall. He dipped his head to my neck, breathing in deeply before running his nose along the line of my throat.

"I got your message," he murmured against my skin. His breath was hot and moist and caused me to whimper. "I can't tell you what it meant to me."

"Edward," I panted. "I'm so so-." Before I could get the word out his mouth covered mine in a deep wet kiss. His tongue penetrated my mouth circling and pressing against my own. He pulled away quickly, making me gasp.

"Not now," he said, pulling back to look into my eyes. His eyes were soft, but piercing.

The elevator door opened and he led me out, holding me closer to his side this time so that I wouldn't stumble again.

"To your left," I told him in a breathless voice. "Room seventeen-twelve."

When we reached the door to my room, he retrieved the key-card from my clutch and opened the door. We were no sooner inside before he took me in his arms again, devouring my neck and throat. He held me tightly with his hand pressed against the small of my back. The fingers of his other hand were grabbing at the neck of my dress, pulling the soft, knit fabric to the side and exposing my collarbone and chest. His mouth moved fluidly over the exposed skin, licking and sucking as he went.

I felt desperate and consumed by him. He was here, holding me, touching me, kissing me. I could barely contain my joy and desire for this man. It occurred to me that he was actually here. He knew where to find me.

"How did you…?" I tried to ask, but once again his moth claimed mine, kissing me frantically.

I lost all sense of everything, but the feel of his lips and the touch of his hands. I eagerly kissed him back, grasping his soft hair in my hands, attempting to pull him closer to me. It couldn't be close enough. It would never be close enough.

Needing to breathe, we pulled back, but still clinging to one another. Our breaths were coming in short, small pants and he was looking at me intensely.

"Edward," I said, bringing my hands to his beautiful face and pressing my fingers gently to his swollen lips. "Don't you think we should talk?"

His eyes bore into mine and his expression was one of longing and regret, but also determination.

"Did you mean what you said?" he asked, his voice cracking on the last word.

"When?" I asked, not understanding what he was referring to.

"Did you mean what you said in your message?" he asked. "When you said that you still belong to me?"

"Of course, I meant that, Edward," I said, putting the full force of my emotion into my voice, needing him to understand.

"Will that still be the truth if we make love?"

I looked at him, all needy and wanting. Emotion was pouring from his eyes and desire emanating from his body and I knew that I could never deny him anything.

"Yes, Edward," I said reverently before I kissed him softly on his lips. I placed my hands on either side of his face and angled his head down so that he was looking straight at me. "That will always be the truth."

His eyes grew darker at my words and he turned his face and pressed an open-mouth kiss to my palm.

"Then talking can wait."

His voice was lower than I'd ever heard it and I watched as he fell to his knees in front of me. He pushed the hem of my dress up slightly, revealing the pale, white skin of my thigh. "I need you," he murmured, as he placed a kiss to the inside of my leg, just above my knee. He looked up at me and I ran my fingers through his bronze locks. "I need to be inside you, Bella."

"Please," I whimpered.

His hands slipped down my legs, lifting one leg up, he slid the stiletto off of my foot before repeating the same process to the other one. He ran his hands back up my calves, gently massaging as he went. He slid his hands underneath the skirt of my dress and dragged his fingers up and along my outer thighs and hips. When he reached the waist of my black, lace panties, he hooked his fingers underneath and slowly pulled them down to my ankles. I stepped out of them and he tossed them to the side.

My whole body was trembling with anticipation and need as he ran his hand up between my legs and underneath my skirt. He stopped mid-thigh and gently massaged the flesh there. He looked up at me with hooded eyes and spoke softly.

"Spread your legs."

I gasped at his words, but felt a rush of moisture to my already, wet and aching sex. I did as he said, feeling somewhat embarrassed and exposed, even though I was still completely dressed with the exception of my discarded panties. I couldn't see his hand underneath my dress, but I felt his finger slip between my folds and stroke the slippery skin there gently.

"Fuck me, you're wet," he rasped, causing me to moan at his words and his touch.

"Take off your dress," he said, never removing his finger from me as it continued to stroke me softly.

With trembling hands, I reached down and lifted my dress over my head, dropping it on the floor beside us. Edward looked up at me and once again, the need I saw in his eyes consumed me. He placed a kiss directly on my clit, swirling his tongue around the aching, swollen nub. My legs trembled from the sensation of his mouth on me and as looked down at him; his eyes met mine before kissing me once more and pulling away.

"You're so beautiful," he told me. "Make love to me, Bella."

"Yes."

He was off his knees in a flash, lifting me up and carrying me to the bed. He placed me on the edge and stood between my legs. I watched, completely riveted, as he unbuttoned his shirt. My hands reached out and began unbuckling his belt and undoing his pants, pushing them down over his hips. I leaned forward and began to kiss and lick his exposed stomach, causing him to hiss. He stepped out of his pants and reached around me to unhook my bra, exposing my breasts to the warm air of the room as I took his erection in my hand, squeezing him gently before stroking my hand up to his head.

"Oh, oh, Bella," he rasped. "That feels too good…you, oh…you feel too good."

"Edward, please," I begged. "Let me make you feel good." I used his words from the last time we were together in bed and he whimpered.

"You do make me feel good, Bella," he told me gently. "So good."

I looked in his eyes and he urged me back onto the bed. He crawled in top on me, straddling one of my legs as he rested on his knees. He ran his hands up and down my abdomen before circling each breast as leaned down to kiss me. The kiss was gentle at first, but became more leading and probing. He whimpered into my mouth before kissing down my neck and across my shoulder.

"How are you feeling, love?" he asked, concern filling his husky voice.

"I feel wonderful," I said. "Now that you're here."

"I'm so afraid I'm going to hurt you," he whispered. "I never want to hurt you." He was looking in my eyes as he said the words and, for some reason, I couldn't help but think there was a double meaning behind them.

"You're not going to hurt me, Edward," I told him. "You would never hurt me."

He moved between my legs and I opened myself up to him, begging him silently to fill me. It had been too long since he was inside me.

He took his cock in his hand and stroked it a couple of times as I watched, enraptured by the sight of him touching himself. He placed the tip at my opening, right where I was wet and desperate for him. He slid it up and down, rubbing circles around my clit when he reached it, and without warning, he pushed into me. I gasped at the sensation of him filling me, remembering the last time he had. He pulled out slowly and moaned loudly as he pushed back in.

"I will never get enough of you like this," he cried. "Please tell me if I hurt you."

I wrapped my legs around him and pulled his face to mine, kissing him deeply.

"You won't hurt me, Edward," I said as he stilled inside me. "Let go."

I don't know what happened in that moment, but something in him changed. I could see the same intensity in his eyes, but there was something else…something more. And then it just happened. I saw the moment he relinquished control and I watched as he lost himself…inside of me.

_And he was beautiful._

He started to thrust harder and I saw, through the hazy shade of my own ecstasy, as he finally let go and made love to me the way I know he needed to. We both needed this…this connection that was only ours. He was clutching at me and pulling me closer to him and never once, did I feel like it was too much…and never once, did I feel any pain.

I only felt pleasure.

He reached his hand between us and circled his thumb around my clit. I felt the familiar tightening in my stomach as a flush covered the entirety of my body. He was calling my name and I was pushing up to meet his thrusts. My orgasm took me by surprise, it came so quickly, and I screamed out his name as he groaned loudly into my shoulder. He continued thrusting and when he came inside of me, he told me he loved me. There were no screams or moans.

_Just words…_

_Just love..._

_Just him…_

And it was perfect.

***************

I don't know how long we lay there; our limbs entwined and out chests pressed together. I could hear the beating of his heart and feel the whisper of his breath against my face.

"Bella," he said my name softly. "I'm sorry for what happened yesterday."

"I'm sorry too," I said honestly. "I should have talked to you first."

I sighed; I needed him to understand why I did what I did.

"Edward," I said, taking his hand in mine and pulling it between our chests. "It's just that it has always been just me and I've never had to consider another person before whenever I made any decision."

"I know, Bella." He leaned forward and placed a wet kiss on my forehead. "I should have thought about that. Honestly," he said. "It's not like I expect you to run your decisions by me. I understand that you are your own person. It's your life, and every moment with you I cherish, because you have allowed me to be a part of it. But, it is _your life_, Bella…_your decisions_."

"Edward," I paused; not knowing if I should say what I was about to say. I decided that if we were going to really be together, there could be no secrets between us. "Alice told me about everything you did after the attack, while I was recovering."

His soft green eyes gazed into mine and filled with such love that it took my breath away.

"I didn't know, Edward," I whispered. "I didn't know everything you did."

"I would do it all again, Bella." He released my hand and pulled me close inside his arms. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I murmured against his chest.

He pulled back and looked at me.

"I was mortified by the way I spoke to you."

"It's okay," I said.

"No," he disagreed vehemently. "It wasn't okay, Bella. But I _am_ sorry."

"I was more upset about you leaving without saying anything," I confessed.

"Bella," he said my name and it was like a sigh across my face. "You told me to leave and all I could think was that I was losing you. I didn't know what to do with that. I couldn't process it." He looked into my eyes again. "And I was so ashamed of my behavior. I thought it was best for me to go."

"You really felt that way?" I asked. "You felt like you were losing me?"

"Twice," he said, though I didn't understand his response. "I thought I lost you twice this week. First with the…" he paused, "…_Attack_." The way he said the word made it almost sound painful. "Then yesterday."

"You're never going to lose me," I assured him. "I love you, Edward. I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you too, Bella."

***************

We made love again that night. The second time was slower and softer and Edward took his time with _everything_. Sleep took him quickly and I lay in his arms holding him as if he were going to disappear. Just as I was drifting off, I heard Edward lowly, but very clearly, speak.

"_I'm sorry, Bella. I never meant to lie to you_."

***************

_**A/N**_

_**Thanks to Marvar for all your support and your exceptional Beta skills, once again, you make my words better. Extra thanks for the chapter post-mortem and for being honest and direct. You are simply perfection.**_

_**Thanks to all the lovely readers and for those of you that have been supporting this story on the thread and Twitter. The reviews and response to the last chapter has been amazing, I can't even tell you. Darcyward was beside himself with anticipation. (Me too, a little.)**_

_**Please leave me some love and review! It makes me want to write more.**_

_**Thanks to the girls on the thread. You know who you are. I adore you all!**_

_**Come on over and join us on the Twilighted thread. I promise, Rose and Bella will let you play with Darcyward…and he has pink peonies for everyone. The link is posted on my profile page.**_

_**What owns me this week:**_

"_**There's Something I'd Like to Try" by Marvar. This is a one-shot that she's expanding. The last chapter was EPOV, and let me tell you, Edward has a dirty, dirty mind…and an even dirtier mouth. It's super hot and really fun. Please, check it out.**_

"_**Somewhere In Between" by Kassiah. This story hooked me from the first sentence. Really. It's intense and longing and just so freaking good!**_

"_**The University of Edward Masen" by SebasteinRobichaud owns me every week. Seriously. It is beautifully written and achingly romantic and, quite honestly, the best fic that I have ever **__**read. If you are one of the few people not reading this story, you should be. **_


	20. The Benefits of MultiTasking

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**Jane Austen owns Mr. Darcy.**_

_**I own Darcyward, but I share him with Bella and Rose.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_We made love again that night. The second time was slower and softer and Edward took his time with everything. Sleep took him quickly and I lay in his arms holding him as if he were going to disappear. Just as I was drifting off, I heard Edward lowly, but very clearly, speak. _

"_I'm sorry, Bella. I never meant to lie to you_."

Chapter 20

My body tensed instantly at his cryptic words, and suddenly, I was wide awake. I looked over at him, so peaceful in his sleep, and his arms wrapped around me tighter, pulling me closer to him. He sighed lightly into my hair and mumbled something else, something I couldn't understand. He pushed himself closer to me, still, and I wondered if this was how Edward always slept with me. Holding me, pressing against me and trying to get as close to me as possible. I decided I wouldn't be able to move without waking him, so I settled back into his embrace and thought about his words.

He'd said that he never meant to lie to me.

_When did he lie to me?_

_What did he lie about?_

I wracked my brain trying to come up with something, anything. The anxiety that there was something Edward had lied about and the overwhelming sense of calm that I felt lying there in his arms battled inside me. It was then that Edward breathed my name.

"Bella."

I was nothing, really. Just my name, but then he spoke again and the words he said were just as strikingly clear as the others.

"Bella, I love you."

It was with those words, that my body and soul found rest. I wasn't sure what he had lied about, if he had even lied at all, but the truth in his voice as he told me he loved me, calmed and centered me. I allowed myself to relax and find sleep in the arms of the man that I loved, who loved me just the same.

**************

I awoke sometime during the night to warm hands, gently caressing me, gliding up my side, up and down my arm. Warm breath kissed my neck and long fingers ran through my tangled hair. It felt intimate, but not sexual. I felt loved, but not consumed.

"Mmmm…" I hummed and Edward kissed my cheek.

"Shhh…" he said. "I didn't mean to wake you, love." His voice was thick with sleep. "Go back to sleep."

I twisted in his arms and his body adjusted to accommodate my movement. As I placed my head on his chest, he wrapped his arms around me. We were quiet together for a moment and I ran my fingers through the light dusting of hair on his lower abdomen, causing him to shiver.

"I love the way your hands feel on me," he murmured to me, breathing in deeply after he spoke.

"I love the way you feel," I replied, and for some reason, my voice sounded small.

I snuggled closer to him and he pressed me into him, securing his arms tighter around me.

We lay like that for a while, not really doing anything, just enjoying the feeling of our closeness. He would occasionally kiss my temple and I would press my lips to his chest. It was warm and comfortable and I felt completely blissful…until I remembered his words. He'd said that he was sorry that he lied to me. I felt my whole body tense at the memory and I knew he felt it too.

"Bella," he said. There was a spike of concern in his voice. "What is it? What's wrong?"

I tilted my head back to look at him. It was dark in the room, but there was a soft glow of the city lights coming from the window. When I took in his face, his eyes were filled with trepidation. I wanted to reassure him that everything was okay, that I was fine and just allow myself to fall back into the embrace of his arms, but I had to know if he was lying to me about something. I had only ever been completely honest with him. Even to the point of discomfort and embarrassment. I expected the same thing from him. There was no place for dishonesty in the relationship that I wanted to have with Edward.

"It's just that…" I started, unsure if I would be able to find the words I needed to ask him. Anxiety vexed me and I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and chewed on it out of nervous habit. It was still tender and swollen from all the kissing, so it hurt more than usual. He reached his hand out and his thumb dragged gently across my lip, freeing it from my punishing teeth. I took in a deep breath.

"Bella, what is it?" he asked, the tension in his body now a mirror of my own. "You're practically trembling." He pulled me close again and began rubbing me in gentle, soothing circles across my back and arms. I allowed the feeling to comfort me and let out a shaky breath into his chest.

"Edward," I said. I wanted to turn my face up to meet his, but I thought that looking at him would make the question harder to ask. So I focused on the rise and fall of his chest while my fingers absentmindedly played with the edge of the sheet that was covering. "When you fell asleep earlier," I began again. "You know…after we made love." I could feel my entire body blush and I wondered if he could tell.

"Yes, I think I _do_ remember that," he said, his voice still thick and husky.

"Well, umm…" I mumbled nervously. "You were talking in your sleep."

He was quiet for a long moment before, finally, speaking.

"What did I say?" His voice was even and calm and if he was concerned, I would never have been able to tell from the sound of it.

"You said that you never meant to lie to me." My voice trembled as I spoke and I hated that I sounded so insecure and needy.

I felt his entire body tense at my words and his breathing hitch. It was only a slight change in the pattern, but I heard it and it was the most significant sound in the world to me. Panic coursed through me because I was in love with Edward and his reaction in those seconds, told me everything I needed to know. He had lied to me about _something_. My body and mind reacted on instinct; my posture becoming rigid and tense, my mind becoming defensive as it retreated to my own speculative theories.

I scrambled up and out of his arms and turned around on my knees to face him. I searched his face in the moonlight, hoping to find answers there. I didn't. I only found more questions because the pained look of rejection I saw in his eyes pulled at my heart and made me want to throw myself back in his arms. I couldn't do that, though. I had to know the truth. Realizing that I was completely naked, I pulled the blanket up under my arms, covering my breasts. My hands were shaking and I had to grasp the edge of the blanket to make them stop.

"Bella, please, don't pull away from me," he said to me, his voice pleading.

"What was it?" I asked. My voice was tight and hard. It didn't even sound like me. I sounded closed off and unemotional and I tried to push back the fear and overwhelming sense of betrayal that I felt. I couldn't even look at him.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"Edward, what did…did you lie to me?" My voice was no longer rigid. It was quiet and desperate. I needed him to tell me that I was wrong…that he hadn't lied to me about anything, that it was just a dream and that it meant nothing.

"Bella," he whispered, sitting up in the bed and scooting closer to me. He lifted my chin with his fingers so that he could meet my eyes. I don't know what he expected to find in them, but whatever he saw looking back at him seemed to soothe and reassure him. His eyes were soft and penetrating and when he spoke, his voice matched his eyes.

"I have lied to you, Bella."

His thumb gently stroked my cheek and I felt the electricity that was always there in his touch.

"I lied to you when I said that I would never hurt you." He sighed loudly. "I lied to you when I told you that there was nothing that I would ever deny you."

I looked at him, reading his expression, trying to see an ounce of deceitfulness. I could see nothing but truth and worry and love.

"Is that what you think you meant?" I asked feeling suddenly relieved of the burden that was weighing on me.

"Well, I can't be sure, since I _was_ sleeping," he said, smiling at me sheepishly. "But I imagine that's what I meant." He looked at me tentatively, questioningly. I saw his eyes drift down to my lips and it was almost as if he was silently asking if he could kiss me. "You don't know how it tortures me, Bella," he whispered, inching closer to my face. "Just the idea that I would ever hurt or disappoint you."

"You haven't lied to me about anything else?"

He brought his other hand to my face, cupping both sides gently. He looked into my eyes with the most intense expression of love and pain and I looked back at him, hating the thought that I would ever be the source of any of his pain. He took in a deep breath and finally spoke, his words piercing my soul and warming my heart.

"No. I haven't lied to you about anything else."

It was over.

I was done.

He was mine and I was his, and in that moment, there was nothing else that mattered but that.

He pulled my face to his and kissed me, pouring every bit of the love and passion he had for me in his kiss. I returned his kiss with fervor as I whimpered a wordless apology for doubting him, into his hungry mouth. His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled us back onto the bed. I was lying on top of him and his hands were exploring the naked skin of my back.

He eventually rolled me over to his side and pulled the covers back around us. His arms encircled me as we as we assumed the spooning position. Edward seemed to like the intimacy of this position, as did I. It was the closest I could get to him without being connected sexually. With his face pressed into my hair that was spilling across the pillow, Edward breathed in deeply and I felt his body calm completely.

"I'm sorry I worried you, love," he murmured.

He rubbed his nose along the line of my neck and shoulder causing tingling sensations to radiate across me.

"I'm sorry I doubted you, Edward," I whispered back. "I promise it won't happen again."

He immediately stopped what he was doing and spoke to me again.

"Never, Bella," he spoke directly into my ear. "You never have to apologize to me for that, for telling me how you feel or if you're scared." His words were firm and direct, but his voice was so soft in contrast.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, Edward."

As we lay there drifting back to sleep, I thought about how much I really loved him. It was scary to me; the idea that I could be so consumed by this person, this man. And yet, I found myself wholly given over to him, without question or thought. I had never hoped to find this kind of love in my life. To be honest, I just didn't think a love like this existed. It had certainly never existed in my world; only in the pages and prose of novels and poems that I had read over the years. I had always considered it to be just that, fiction and the flight of someone's elaborate imagination.

So, Edward was an enigma to me. Here was this man, who loved me so much, that just the thought of hurting or disappointing me in any way, resonated with him in his dreams. I had a hard time comprehending an emotion that forceful. I only knew that I could feel it. I felt it from him and I felt it in myself. I considered when I actually started feeling Edward's love. I wondered when it was that he fell in love with me. I wondered what it was about me that found him so drawn…that connected him so deeply. I ran my fingers along the length of his forearm to gauge if he was awake.

"Mmm….Ms. Swan," he said softly. "I'll never get back to sleep if you keep touching me like that." He chuckled and the sound of his quiet laughter was comforting, beautiful. "I've already told you tonight how I love the way it feels when you touch me like that."

"I know," I said, still continuing my stroking. The hair on his arm was soft and his skin was smooth and warm. "Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"When did you fall in love with me?" I asked and he placed a tender kiss on my cheek. "When did you know?"

I should have expected what he said next, but I didn't.

"_I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun."_

I smiled from the third word that came from his perfect mouth, knowing full-well what it was he was going to say before he finished.

"Really, Edward?" I asked in a playful tone. "Again, with the Mr. Darcy?"

"I thought you liked Mr. Darcy." He pouted.

"I do," I insisted. "But I really want to know. When did you fall in love with me?"

He turned me in his arms so that I was facing him. He placed one hand on the small of my back and one hand on my cheek. He was looking in my eyes as if he were trying to find something there. He placed a gentle kiss on my lips. It wasn't the kind of kiss that ignited a fire with passion and fervour, but instead it was a kiss that gently stoked and probed, keeping the fire warm and softly glowing. He finally pulled back and looked at me once more.

"Bella, I love you," he told me, his voice deep with emotion. "I think I've always loved you." He bent down and gently kissed and licked the dip in the base of my throat, causing my breath to catch underneath his mouth. "I was just waiting for you to find me."

"You're not real," I whispered, my own emotion bubbling up in the form of tears. "You can't be real."

"I'm real, Bella," he replied, pulling me even closer to him. "I'm real and I'm here and I love you."

"I love you, too."

And with his exquisite words and our beautiful declarations, I found sleep, once again, in his arms.

***************

I awoke the next morning to the divine smell of coffee and Edward. I looked over to the side of the bed and there was a cart with a white linen tablecloth covering it. On top of the cart were two silver trays, a decanter of orange juice, a pot of coffee and a small bud vase with a pink rose. Edward walked from the bathroom, wrapped in a plush white bathrobe and the fragrance of his shampoo and soap filled the room. His unruly bronze hair was wet and tousled on top of his head and his usually pale skin was pink from the hot shower. He looked more delectable than the breakfast.

"You ordered breakfast?" I asked, and then realized that was obviously the case.

Edward laughed at me before adding, "Yes, love. You need to eat."

I swung my feet over the side of the bed and Edward approached me, picking up my robe and holding it out to slip over my shoulders. He kissed me on the cheek and headed back to the table and began setting up breakfast. I poured myself a cup of coffee and added cream and a Splenda, and then I poured Edward a cup. He liked his coffee with cream and real sugar. I made my way over to the table to join him and he smiled when I offered him his coffee.

"I love that you know how I take my coffee."

I giggled as I sat down.

"I have paid attention, Mr. Cullen."

"Yes, Ms. Swan," he said, his green eyes darkening momentarily. "You're always _very_ attentive."

I blushed, but in a moment of boldness, I drew my eyes to his and said, "I am." I looked down over the perfect body that lay beneath the robe and brought my eyes back up to meet his again. "Was there something of yours that needed attention, Edward?"

"Christ, Bella," he said in a voice that was far too husky for breakfast. "That always needs attention, but we don't have time."

Though I was disappointed, I understood immediately what he must have been talking about.

"Well, my flight isn't for another few hours, but do you have leave soon?"

He smiled at me as he poured me a glass of juice.

"I hope you don't mind," he began. "But I took the liberty of booking a flight for you with me this morning." He looked at me hesitantly, as if I would be upset for him making different arrangements. "It's first class," he offered, as he gave me his crooked smile.

I stood up and walked around the table and sat down on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"It wouldn't matter if we were flying coach," I said, kissing him on the cheek. "I would still rather fly _with_ you than _without_ you."

He smiled at me brightly. It was almost as if he thought I was going to have a different reaction.

"That makes me happy, baby," he said sweetly. "And Bella, we would _never_ fly coach."

I laughed as I stood up and went back to my seat. I picked up a pastry and started eating it. Edward seemed to be really interested in my mouth and I smiled internally to myself.

"You never told me how you knew where I was," I told him. His eyes were still focused on my lips and it seemed like he hadn't even heard what I said.

"Edward?"

He shook his head and seemed to snap out of it.

"I'm sorry, love, what did you say?"

I laughed at him and repeated myself.

"You never told me. How did you know where I was?"

He looked at me and a flash of emotion crossed his face before he broke out into another smile.

"How do you think?" he asked.

I narrowed my eyes at him and then I knew the answer.

"Alice," I said simply, laughing out loud.

We finished our breakfast and the caffeine finally hit my system. I looked at Edward across the table, a devious smile playing at the corners of my mouth. I walked over to him and he stood to meet me, pulling me into his warm embrace.

"Are you sure that there's nothing I can do for you before I get ready?" I asked before I placed a wet kiss on his neck. "It wouldn't have to take very long…unless you wanted it to," I added suggestively.

His hand trailed down my back and he murmured in my ear.

"There is nothing that I would love more than for you to take me in your mouth right now, Bella, but we really don't have time. We're going to get home early today and I promise," he said, as he looked down at me. "You can be as attentive to me as you want."

I could feel his erection pressing into my belly and it took everything I had not to drop to my knees and do it. I kissed him on the cheek and turned to walk to the bathroom to shower, but not before reaching down and squeezing him firmly through his robe.

_Think about that, Cullen._

As I stood in the hot shower and washed my hair, I was overcome with the way things had turned around in less than a day. Edward was there and he loved me. We had worked through our issues and I think that we were stronger for it. Last night had been wonderful and hard and then wonderful again. Things were always so intense with us, but I was beginning to realize that Edward was an intense man and I was also intense in my own way. I knew that I would rather take the intensity with the passion and love, than to settle for something calmer and more controlled with someone other than Edward. There would _never_ be anyone other than Edward. I let that feeling of completeness wash over me along with the hot water.

I was rinsing the conditioner out of my hair when I heard the shower door open. I looked up and he was there…naked, standing before me and very, very aroused. I took in a sharp breath as he stepped in, shutting the door behind him. He stepped over to me and pulled me to him, kissing me deeply and wetly.

"I thought you said we didn't have time."

"I thought that maybe we could multi-task."

Without another word spoken, I dropped to my knees and took him into my mouth. I moaned around him at his taste, slipping my mouth back and swirling my tongue around his head. His hands grabbed my hair as a strangled cry fell from his mouth.

"Bella, baby, fuck!" he cried. "That feels so…oh, baby…you feel so good."

His legs were already beginning to tremble and I wondered just how long he could last. I looked up at him as I continued to suck his cock and I was overcome with the beauty of his face that was twisted in what could only be described as rapture. I closed my eyes because it was too much to look at. With my eyes closed, I was bombarded with images that were more beautiful than his face. Images of the way he'd taken care of me, seeing him standing before me at the bar in the lobby, the way he looked as he told me he loved me for the first time and again last night.

I realized that he needed this; probably more than I could have realized, and I was blissfully happy that he'd come in and let me take care of him. I focused on the pulsing heat of his cock against my tongue, the way he tasted and throbbed inside my mouth. He was saying things above me that I couldn't comprehend, because all I could think or feel was solely about bringing him pleasure. I dragged my teeth along his length and sucked his head firmly before plunging my mouth down over him again. This did him in and I felt him explode in long streams in my mouth as he screamed my name and, once again, he told me that he loved me. I sucked him gently until I felt him soften completely, listening to his quiet whimpers above me.

I loved him completely, and I'd shown him the best way I could by giving him what he needed…just like he'd done for me not too long ago.

***************

We boarded the plane on time. He never let go of my hand in the car-ride over or as we made our way through the terminal. We took our seats in first class, Edward insisting that I take the window seat so that I could recline back against him.

"You can go to sleep if you'd like," he leaned down and told me softly.

"I actually wanted to talk to you."

I had been thinking in the car about what the next couple months were going to look like for Edward and me. Edward didn't understand how demanding my job was about to become through the holidays and I needed to have this conversation with him to help him see. I didn't want him to feel neglected or disappointed when I was working twelve hour days, six days a week from Thanksgiving to Christmas.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"My job," I stated simply. He seemed to get uncomfortable and I knew that it was because of everything we'd gone through in the last two days. His reaction was understandable, but I needed him to know that things were going to be ever more challenging going forward.

"What about your job?" he asked. He lifted the arm rest between us and I settled myself up next to him as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Well," I began. "We are about three weeks away from Thanksgiving and I need you to know, going into the holiday season, what to expect."

He seemed to relax at my words and he took my hands into his.

"Okay," he said. "Tell me about it."

"It can get really intense, Edward," I began to explain. "Intense isn't even a good enough word to describe it. It's demanding and grueling. The hours are long and I work six days a week beginning the week before Thanksgiving. This will go on through the week after Christmas."

I turned around to look at him and he rubbed his nose against mine.

"Wow," he stated. "That seems a little excessive."

I nodded my head in agreement and added, "Like I said…_intense_."

"I think we work well with _intense_, Bella."

I chuckled at his words, remembering my thoughts from earlier in the shower.

"Yes, well," I continued. "Edward, I've never had a relationship during the holidays. I haven't really had an actual relationship to speak of at all since I started working. But the way I work during this time of year can be tough for just me, much less another person."

He seemed to tense at my words again. I looked back at him so that I could see his face.

"Are you saying that our relationship might be too much for you to deal with?"

"No, sweetie," I reassured him. "That's not what I'm saying at all." I grasped his hands tighter in mine. "I'm just trying to explain to you that this will all be new to me and I don't want you to feel neglected or less important because of my job."

"Sweetheart, I understand that your job is your first priority…"

"No," I interrupted him. "My job isn't my first priority." I was stunned at my words once I realized what I said. My job had always been the most important thing to me.

"It isn't?" he asked, sounding as stunned as I'd felt.

"No, it isn't," I replied softly. I turned around to face him. "You eclipsed my job the moment you told me you loved me. Probably even before that."

His expressive green eyes widened at my words.

"Bella," he whispered.

"I just need you to know that it's going to be hard. I mean, it's hard for one person. There will be nights that I'll come home and collapse into bed just so that I can prepare myself to repeat the same thing over again the next day. I will be exhausted and stressed, but I am willing to work through that for you…_with you_."

I reached my hand out and began twisting one of the buttons on his shirt nervously. I needed him to be okay with all of this. It was going to be so much different than what he was used to with me. I drew my eyes back up to his.

"Will you be willing to work though it with me?" I asked before holding my breath and waiting for his response.

He didn't speak at first. He leaned in and pressed his soft, warm lips to mine.

"I would be willing to work through anything for you, Bella." He kissed me again. "This is who you are…and I love who you are."

"I love you," I whispered.

"I know this will be difficult, but it will be fine. If you need to come home and collapse in bed, then I will just want to be in the bed that you collapse on."

I smiled at his wonderful words, because, really, he had no idea just how wonderful they were. I had no expectations to ever be able to make a relationship work in my life at this time. I had always assumed that my job would take precedence over everything and I was still reeling from my words to him and the realization that he was, indeed, the most important thing in my life.

"Are you sure that you're ready for all this?" I asked him in a teasing voice.

"Oh, Bella," he said. "I told you last night. I've been waiting for you forever. I'm more than ready for anything that comes along with you."

I settled back against him not needing to say anything else. I was content to stay in his arms and eventually, the constant drone of the plane and the soothing way that he was touching me lulled me to sleep. When I awoke later on, I found Edward staring at me with the most intense and loving expression. I couldn't speak because I was taken aback at what I saw in his eyes.

"You really meant it, didn't you?" he asked.

"What?" I asked groggily.

"When you said that I was the most important thing in your life?"

"Yes, Edward. I meant it…I _mean_ it."

"You don't know what that means to me, Bella."

"I know what it means to me."

"And what does it mean to you?"

"Everything, Edward," I said softly, with conviction. "You mean _everything_ to me."

***************

_**A/N**_

_**Cosmogirl7481 has a proposition for all of her lovely and fabulous readers. If you guys get me to 1000 reviews, I will totally post an **__**entire chapter**__** of "Retail Therapy" from EPOV as an outtake. I know you can do it! The readers that have this story listed as a favorite could push me over that mark alone.**_

_**This is shameless, I know. But I am on vacation for over a week and have nothing but time to get in Edward's head and find out what's been going on.**_

_***smiling mischievously***_

_**There aren't enough thanks in the world to lavish upon Marvar, for being the beta-extraordinaire of my dreams! She takes my words that are often jumbled and riddled with commas and she makes them pretty. Thank you for the late night conversations and for putting up with my million questions. I love you, my FicWife eternal!**_

_**What owns me this week:**_

_***The ladies on my thread own me this week! I adore you all and love your theories and comments more than I can tell you!**_

_***The slores and slags of UoEM!**_

_***My readers own me every week! Thank you for supporting this story. I will never cease to be amazed that anyone has taken the time to read my words. **_


	21. Our Needs

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a laptop that I use to write Twilight FanFic.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 21

I stood before the full-length mirror in my bedroom, taking in my appearance. I was excited about getting back to work this morning…anxious even. A week away from the store during this time of year was unheard of. I knew that there would be a mountain of work waiting for me to accomplish when I got back. Angela had emailed me last night on my iPhone to let me know what to expect. She was taking the next two days off since she had worked so much last week during my absence. I knew that today would be a long day. I was going in early and would, most definitely, be working late. I had discussed this with Edward the night before. He seemed to be concerned that I was pushing myself too hard, but I explained to him that I was fine. I would never do anything that I wasn't capable of doing.

I twisted my hair up in the back, securing it with a few pins. I walked over to my closet and stepped inside, hanging my robe on the back of the door. I selected a black pin-striped suit and slipped on the pants, feeling the cool silk lining slide against my legs. As I put on the jacket and tied it in the front, I realized that I felt normal, for the first time in a week. It was a wonderful feeling. I walked over to the vanity and sprayed some perfume on my neck and wrists. The scent of Chanel swirled in the air around me and I breathed in deeply, reveling in the classic fragrance. I loved it. It was my favorite.

I padded out to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee. I was just getting ready to make Edward a cup when I felt his arms snake around me. He had been in the shower and his body was still emanating heat from the water.

"Mmm…" he murmured in my ear, causing me to shiver. "I don't know what smells better…you or the coffee."

I laughed as I reached for his cup.

"Are you sure you don't want to think about that statement?" I replied, chiding him.

He rubbed his hands over my hips before sliding them underneath my jacket, playing with the waist of my pants.

"You, definitely you, love."

"Well, I should think so; otherwise I should just put some Starbucks in an atomizer and make Coco Chanel turn over in her grave." I giggled at my own little joke, and Edward laughed too, though, I'm not really sure he completely understood it.

"It's not the perfume, love," he said as he pressed his lips to my neck. "It's _you_ wearing the perfume." He rubbed his nose along the length of my neck, breathing in deeply, for effect.

I turned around to face him and handed him his coffee. He thanked me by kissing me on the cheek. We walked over to the table and sat down for a moment. I picked up my phone and sent Alice a text. She started her new job this morning and I wanted to wish her luck. As I was typing, inspiration struck, and I decided to call the florist and have flowers delivered to her office. I figured I could send Esme flowers, too. I wanted to tell her thank you for everything she'd done for me while I was in the hospital last week. I set the alarm on my phone to remind me to call later that morning.

"I'm sorry that you have to drive me to work," I told Edward as I took a drink of my coffee.

"Really, Bella," he replied, his eyes warm. "It's no problem."

"I should really have the insurance company get me a rental car until my car is replaced," I mused, more to myself than to him.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "What's going on?"

"It's just that…well," I started, not really knowing how to explain to him what it was that I was feeling. "I just don't like feeling…" I paused, nervous about what I was going to say. "_dependent_ on anyone."

He looked at me as if he had no conception of what I could be talking about.

"It makes me uncomfortable, Edward."

He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before taking a drink of his coffee.

"Do you need me to take you to work, Bella?" he asked, but I got the feeling that his question meant something different.

"Yes."

He chuckled and I began to get slightly irritated with him. It felt as if he were making fun of me when I'd just explained to him that this _situation_ made me uncomfortable. I scowled at him from across the table and made no attempts at hiding my displeasure at whatever it was that he found so humorous.

"Really, Edward?" I asked, fuming. "Is something funny about this?"

His eyes softened immediately and he reached across the table to take my hand. I pulled it out of his reach quickly. He looked hurt, which made me regret pulling away from him, but I was a little hurt myself that he was making light of a situation that clearly bothered me.

"You know what, don't worry about it," I snapped defensively. "I'll call a cab."

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said softly, but a hint of a smile still touched the corners of his mouth.

"Why are you smiling?" I asked, pissed that my perfect morning was suddenly anything but.

He reached across to me, not bothering to care when I pulled away again. He just pressed further and took my hand in his. His hand was so warm and soft. My lip was quivering and I refused to look at him. I just looked down at our hands and watched as his thumb caressed and soothed me.

"I'm smiling because there's no reason for you to be upset."

I looked up at him, shocked at his words. Incensed.

"Well, I'm certainly glad you think so."

"Let me get this straight," he said. "You're upset because you feel uncomfortable with feeling dependent on anyone, right?"

_Yes. That and the fact that you just made fun of me._

"But," he continued, when he saw that I wasn't going to say anything. Out loud. "You just told me that you were going to call a cab. That alone makes it clear that you don't _need_ me." He looked at me and smiled again. "You are _more_ than capable of taking care of yourself."

My cheeks flushed as I realized where he was going with his train of thought. I bit my lower lip and looked at him as I finally saw what he was trying to say.

"Sweetheart," he said, pulling my hand to his lips and kissing softly. "You don't need me. You are _far_ from dependent on me. It's _me_, Bella."

"You?" I asked. "What do you mean?"

"I need to take care of you, Bella…I want to." He kissed my hand once more. "I know that's probably not that you want to hear, but it's the truth."

"This is just new for me, Edward," I told him honestly. "I've never done this before." I motioned my hand back and forth through the space between us. "It scares me a little."

"I know you're scared, Bella and I get that. Really, I do."

He stood from the table, the chair made a scraping sound on the hardwood floor as he pushed it back. He pulled me along with him, taking me in his arms.

"Would it help you to know that I'm a little scared, too?"

"Maybe," I mumbled into his chest.

"I'm scared that I need you _far_ more than you need me."

His words struck me and I wondered if his honesty had been as difficult as mine was. I wanted to comfort him.

"I _do_ need you, Edward." I tightened my hold around his waist. "I do."

He kissed me on the top of me head and returned my hug, tightly, warmly.

"You need to get to work, love. I don't want you to be late."

He pulled back to look at me, his crooked smile lighting up his face.

"Do you want me to take you?" he asked as he winked at me.

"Yes, I want you," I said and I hoped he knew I was talking about more than the ride.

***************

By eleven that morning, I had barely made it into my office to sit down at my desk. I had walked the store with Tyler when I came in at six and then spent some time redoing a display that needed work in the Men's Store. I met with my executive team at eight-thirty and was greeted with "welcome backs" and numerous questions about what had happened. I spoke with them, giving them only the information that they needed. I didn't want to cause any member of my staff a reason to feel that they should have to be in fear of something like that happening to them. What happened to me was truly a fluke and we would take greater security precautions at store closing going forward.

I opened my email and was overwhelmed by the countless emails in my inbox that needed to be gone through and addressed. It was then that I noticed I had an email from Edward. I smiled to myself and opened it immediately.

To: bellamswan(at)finleys(dot)com

From: edwardcullen(at)tcf(dot)net

Subject: First Day Back

_Bella,_

_I didn't want to call you at work on your first day back. _

_I'm sure that you have plenty to keep you occupied._

_Just know that I am thinking of you and hoping that you are well._

_Please let me know if you need anything._

_My needs have not changed._

_I still need you…will always need you._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

I re-read the email once more, a wave of emotion and love for him washing over me and warming me from the inside. I found myself touching the screen of my computer, dragging my finger across his name. When I realized that I was moments away from pulling out a notebook and doodling our names together, I decided to email him back.

To: edwardcullen(at)tcf(dot)net

From: bellamswan(at)finleys(dot)com

RE: Your needs

_Edward,_

_Thank you for the email._

_It made me smile in the middle of this very long day._

_I am thinking of you, as well._

_I find that I think of you altogether too often. :)_

_I just wanted you to know that your needs mirror my own._

_Despite what I might do or say._

_Always,_

_Bella_

I couldn't help the smile that grew on my face as I pressed send.

I was just returning to the monumental task of going through my work emails when Lauren knocked on my door to let me know that I had a call. I had put my office phone on do-not-disturb so that I could actually get some work done without disruption. I asked if she could take a message and she informed me that it was Esme Cullen. I told her to put her through.

"Esme," I said. "How are you?"

"Bella, I'm fine." I could hear her warm smile through the phone. "Thank you for the flowers, dear. They are lovely."

The florist told me that pink roses meant 'thank you' so I had them send her an arrangement of pink roses. I was glad that she liked them.

"You're welcome, Esme. It was the least I could do."

I thought about the way she'd taken care of me for Edward while I was in the hospital and I got a little emotional and choked up.

"Edward told me that you were back at work today. I saw him this morning when I dropped by the office."

"Yes, well he emailed me already. I'm happy that he was able to get back to work too. I hated that his life was as disrupted as mine was last week."

"Oh, dear. Please don't feel bad about that. My son would have been useless at work anyway. Besides, he can work from home almost as easily as he can from the office."

"Well, he was wonderful, Esme. I don't know what I would have done without him."

"Bella?" she asked. Her voice sounded warm, but hesitant.

"Yes," I responded, almost as hesitantly.

"I just have to say this, and I hope that you don't think I'm being an intrusive mother. Because really, that is not my intention at all."

I held my breath as I prepared for what she was about to say. I was nervous and, for the life of me, I couldn't understand why.

"Bella, relationships can be…" she paused as if she were trying to find the right word. "_difficult_, but my son is love with you."

I knew Edward loved me, but there was something about hearing his mother say it to me.

"I know, Esme. I love him, too."

"I know you do, dear. It's written all over your face." She chuckled softly, but spoke again. "Just know that if there ever comes a time when you need someone to talk with…_about Edward_, you can talk with me."

I didn't really know what to make of her words and honestly, I wasn't sure how comfortable I would feel about talking to Esme about her son, but her words had been spoken with such sincerity. I could hear the genuineness in her voice.

"Thank you, Esme."

"Anytime, dear," she replied with a chuckle. "I should let you get back to work. Thank you again for the flowers….and for what you've done for Edward."

"He's done much more for me," I told her honestly. "I assure you."

***************

I skipped lunch that afternoon, finding myself completely consumed and overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work that needed to be accomplished. There was an HR problem with some of the new seasonal hires and I spend a good deal of time on the phone with our corporate office trying to undo the mistakes that had been made. I made a note to speak to Angela regarding this because as we headed into the holidays, we were going to be hiring more and more people. I couldn't risk having to spend as much time on this again.

By four, I felt fatigued and hungry. I silently cursed myself for not having something to eat. I sat down in my office and opened a pack of crackers and a Diet Coke. _Healthy._ I checked my phone and saw that I had a text from Alice. I opened it quickly and read it.

"_Thanks for the flowers, Bella. I love the new job! _

_Jasper took me to lunch today, but maybe we can do lunch another day this week? Call me. -A."_

I was just about to send her a reply, when a text from Edward came through.

"_Emmett and Rosalie have invited us to dinner on Friday night with Alice and Jasper._

_Are you up for it? Let me know. I love you."_

I texted Alice immediately. I knew that she would be hyper-spastic if Jasper's sister had called to invite her to dinner. She had been nervous about meeting her for the first time. Hopefully, having me there would take the edge off a bit.

"_Did Rosalie call you and invite you to dinner? –B"_

"_OMG! Yes, she did. Outfits will have to be chosen! You're coming, right? –A"_

"_Of course. I'll be there. Come by the store this week and we'll find you the perfect ensemble. -B"_

"_k…love you. You're the best! –A"_

"_No. You are. Love you too. –B"_

Instead of texting Edward, I decided to call him. I needed to hear his voice in the most sad and pathetic way possible. I dialed the phone and he answered on the very first ring.

"I didn't think you would call. I know that you're busy."

Just the sound of his voice made me smile and my heart fluttered in my chest.

"Mmm…I am, but I wanted to hear you."

"Make that sound again, Bella," his voice grew deep and husky.

I giggled, but played along, loving the effect that we had on each other.

"Mmm…what sound?"

"That sound, baby. You know me so well."

"I can't talk long, but I just wanted to let you know that dinner with Emmett and Rose will be lovely. Alice already told me that she is going with Jasper."

"Rose wanted to call you herself, but I told her that you were going to be busy all day and probably wouldn't even have time to talk to me."

I laughed at how what he said was really true. I probably shouldn't have been talking to him then. Not when there was still so much for me to do. I needed to focus and just the sound of his voice caused me to lose all concentration on anything except him. I wondered, briefly, if it would always be this way…and then I realized that I truly hoped it would. I didn't want to ever think of a time when he wouldn't have the same effect on me.

"You were probably right in telling her that, but I wanted to talk to you," I told him. "I hope that's okay."

"That is _always_ okay, Bella. What time do you think you're going to be done this evening?"

I thought about his question and I knew that I was nowhere near being done with everything I needed to do. I wasn't really sure what time I would be able to leave the store and a feeling of guilt crept up to the surface of my mind. I knew that this was going to inconvenience him and once again, that made me feel bad. It made me feel like a burden. I didn't want to be a burden to Edward. I wanted to be the object of his desires and dreams. I wanted to be the person he thought of before he went to sleep and when he woke up.

"Edward, I'm not really sure when I'll be finished here. I completely understand if you need to do something else. Really, I can grab a cab home."

"Absolutely not, Bella." His response was swift and direct. "I've already told you, I want to do this for you." He sighed loudly before lowering his voice and continuing. "Please don't feel bad. And please, _just let me_."

"Okay," I said, still feeling guilty, but not wanting to press the issue any further. "I'll call you when I'm ready."

"Good," he replied, relieved. "Now get back to work, so you can come home to me."

"Alright, I'm getting back to it. Bye Edward."

I was getting ready to hang up the phone when I heard him say my name.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

***************

I worked solid for the next three hours, but something Edward said on the phone remained in the back of my mind all evening.

_"Now get back to work, so you can come home to me."_

Home to Edward.

Home _with_ Edward.

It stuck with me, but I couldn't even begin to process what that might mean. I didn't really know if I was ready for the emotions that those words invoked. I tried to push the thoughts from my mind as I focused on the tasks at hand.

It was eight-thirty before I finally called Edward to pick me up. Thirteen hours at the store was enough for one day. He told me that he was on his way and asked that I remain inside until he got to the store. While it irritated me slightly that he was trying to tell me what to do…I completely understood his reasoning and could not fault him for it. I was just tired and the weariness of the day was making me bitchy. At least I could recognize it and I tried to adjust my attitude before he arrived. He called when he reached the parking lot and he picked me up at the associate entrance. I crawled in the car, placing my briefcase on the floor beside me. He leaned over to kiss my lips and I felt the stress of the day melt away with just the touch of his lips.

I was asleep before we ever reached the apartment.

***************

The next three days passed much in the same way. I was overwhelmed with work and Edward was nothing but loving and supportive. He was very affectionate, but we hadn't made love since Sunday night. I had been too tired every night by the time that I got home. He never once complained and every night he pulled me close to him in the bed. He would hold and kiss me as I fell asleep in his arms. And every night, I was overwhelmed by this man that was absolute perfection in every way.

Alice came to the store on Wednesday and I helped her select an outfit for dinner on Friday night. She kept trying on dresses that were completely not her style. They were lovely, but more traditional and _so_ completely not Alice. I knew why she was doing this, of course. She wanted to impress Rosalie. I told her that she needed to be herself and I assured her that Rosalie would love her for who she was. In the end she settled on a black, one-shoulder, draped Alexander Wang dress. It was gorgeous and _completely_ her. I told her that Jasper was either going to die or come when he saw her in that dress. She laughed hysterically and told me that she hoped it was the latter.

The insurance company called me on Thursday afternoon to tell me that my new car was ready. I called the BMW dealership and asked if there was any way that they could have the car brought to me. I found it amusing what you could accomplish if you were willing to pay enough. They assured me that a representative would arrive at the store with my new car at four-thirty. I would be able to sign the paperwork then.

Edward was working late and I intended to surprise him. I needed some help in order to accomplish what I wanted to do. I called Rosalie and thanked her for inviting us to dinner and I asked her if she could help me out with my plan. She, of course, was more than willing to oblige once I told her what I had planned. I needed Edward to be alone at his office if I was going to pull this off. She assured me that the employees usually left by five and she would make sure that Emmett would be otherwise engaged and not at the office. I smiled to myself as I thought about my plan and tried to overcome the nerves that were raging inside me at the thought of what I was going to do. It was completely out of character for me.

***************

As I sat down in the driver's seat of my new car, everything felt normal for the first time in almost two weeks. I turned on the heat because I was cold and I pulled my trench-coat closer as the warm air began to fill the car. I shot Edward a text, just to make sure that everything went smoothly.

"_I'll be working until about eight-thirty again tonight. I'll call you when I'm ready."_

I giggled as I looked at the glowing clock in my new car. The time was five-thirty. I pulled out and headed toward Edward's office. I hadn't been there before, but Rosalie had given me the address and I programmed it into the navigation system to ensure that I wouldn't get lost. I pulled up to the building at just before six. I parked my car and walked quickly into the building. There was a doorman and Rosalie had already called and put my name on the list, so I was able to head up to the office with no problem. If everything went as smoothly as I hoped, I was going to owe Rosalie much more than a 'thank you'.

As I walked into the offices of The Carlisle Foundation, I saw that there was no one there. She had been right about everyone leaving at five. I wasn't sure exactly where Edward's office was, but I figured that it couldn't be that difficult to find. The first thing I noticed about the office was how tastefully it was decorated. It looked very similar to the Cullen's home and I assumed that Esme had designed this space, as well. It was all clean lines and impeccable artwork. The colors were soft and muted, but beautiful and complimentary.

I walked down the hall and looked at the names on the doors. I saw Emmett's office and then Esme's. I walked a little further down and at the end of the hall on the right a door was cracked slightly and I could hear Edward's voice coming from inside. He sounded irritated with whomever he was speaking with. Not wanting to interrupt, I waited outside the door.

"You think I haven't tried to do that?"

His voice was harsh and I wondered if I should step away. I felt like I was eavesdropping.

"I have done _nothing_ but think about that for weeks!"

I was definitely uncomfortable at hearing his side of the conversation he was having.

"I _fucking_ know what's going to happen!" he screamed.

There was a long pause and just as I was about to turn around and walk back into the reception area, I heard him speak again, this time much softer.

"I just don't think I could handle that, Dad."

_Dad?_

_He was talking to Carlisle?_

I couldn't imagine what Carlisle would have said to him that would upset him so much. I had already stood there too long and I was ashamed of myself for listening as long as I had to his private conversation. I knew I needed to make myself known. As I was lifting my hand to knock on his door, I heard him speak one more time.

"I know I couldn't…it would kill me."

His words shot though me and caused me to shudder. I didn't know what he was talking about, but at that point, I was certain that it had nothing to do with work. I reached up quickly, before I could change my mind and knocked on the door succinctly three times. I pushed open the door and I took in Edward. He was visibly frustrated, but still so, so beautiful. His eyes widened at the sight of me and for a moment, he was rendered speechless. I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, locking it as I did. I turned around to face him and he stood from his chair.

He didn't say a word, but instead, stalked toward me. The look in his eyes was feral and I was scared momentarily. That was until he reached me and grabbed both sides of my face with his hands. He whispered my name and pulled me to him in a kiss. The kiss was not gentle. Not in the least. His mouth found mine roughly and I parted my lips, opening myself up to his tongue. I didn't even try to fight it or change the way he was kissing me. There was passion in his kiss, but there was something else there as well. Something else was causing this reaction. Edward had never kissed me quite like this before. The closest he had ever come had been the night in my hallway, the night we made love for the first time after we fought.

His teeth pulled on my lips, causing them to sting, but his tongue would gently lick away the pain almost as soon as it began. And though I was confused by his response, I didn't stop him. I didn't have the desire to. His hands moved from my face and fisted in my hair and he whimpered quietly into my mouth. The sound stood in complete contrast to the animalistic way he was kissing me.

Soft and hard.

Gentle and fierce.

Just like Edward.

He pulled his mouth from mine, making a wet and slurping noise. When I looked into his eyes, I saw that they were dilated to the point of total blackness, just a hint of his green irises evident around his pupil. He was beautiful, but he was needy.

"What are you doing here?" he rasped, moving his mouth to my neck.

I gasped at the feel of his tongue and lips as they licked and sucked the sensitive skin underneath my ear.

"I wanted to surprise you," I managed to say.

His mouth worked its way to my throat and down to my chest. He was pulling at the lapel of my coat, exposing my collarbone. He proceeded to lick the length of the exposed skin as he reached down and untied my belt. My breath caught in my throat as I thought about what he was about to find. He pushed the trench-coat open and everything stopped. Edward pulled back and he looked at me…silent except for his heavy breathing.

I felt exposed and vulnerable as his hands dropped to his sides.

"Bella," his voice shook as he spoke. "What the fuck?"

I looked at him, his eyes raking across my form. I had never felt so timid, but as I watched the way he looked at me, I had never felt more powerful. I stood before him wearing nothing but a black corset, detailed with white ribbon stitching, matching panties, garter belt and thigh-high stockings. He looked back up at me and I held his eyes before I finally spoke.

"Surprise?"

"Bella," he whispered and with one word, my name, he conveyed to me exactly what he needed.

Before I knew what was happening, his hands were on me, tearing off my coat. I felt it as it fell to the floor around my feet and he stepped closer to me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear.

"Edward." I pressed a kiss to his neck. "I've missed you so much this week."

I started loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. My hands were trembling and I couldn't get them undone fast enough. He noticed my frustration and began to help me. Once his shirt was opened my hands ran along the length of his chest and stomach.

"I need you, Bella," he growled in my ear. "Fucking, Christ, I need you."

I couldn't speak. I could only nod my head and his hands grabbed and pulled at me.

He covered my mouth again and kissed me deeply as he pushed me back towards the couch in his office.

"I don't want to hurt you, Bella," he spoke directly in my ear. "I'm afraid I'll be too rough because I need you too much."

His voice was full of desperation that I didn't completely understand, but I knew in that moment, Edward had never needed me like that. And I wanted to be what he needed. I _had_ to be what he needed because he had _always_ been what I needed.

"What, Edward?" I asked him. "You don't think I can take what you have to give me?"

I pulled him to me and kissed him just as roughly as he's kissed me before and I tried to pour every ounce of the passion and desire that I had for him into the kiss.

"I'm here standing in your office and I need you!" I exclaimed. "I need you the same fucking way that you need me!"

He turned me around and pulled my body flush against his. I could feel the warm skin of his chest pressing against my back. His hand grabbed my breasts as he sucked and bit my neck. I was almost afraid that he would leave a mark, but I was too far gone to care. His hand reached down and slipped inside my panties, cupping my wet sex and just the feel of him touching me like that caused my body to shudder. It had only been days since we had been intimate, but I craved his touch. It was as if I didn't feel complete without it.

"Oh…oh, god…Edward," I cried.

"You need me like this?"

"Yes, Edward. I need you…just like this."

He pushed me over the arm of the leather couch and I gasped. Edward had never taken me from behind and I wanted him to. I heard as he unbuckled his belt and pushed his pants to the floor. His hands ghosted up the outside of my thighs and his touch was so soft…until he reached my panties. In one swift movement, he ripped them from my body, the thin fabric shredding easily under his hand. He rubbed along the length of my back and around the curve of my ass before dipping his finger inside my dripping pussy. He pumped it in and out before swirling it around my clit once and I cried out in pleasure.

"Does that feel good, Bella?" he asked. "Does my finger feel good inside you while you're bent over my couch?"

I could only moan in response, because my god, the way it felt when he was touching me, transcended everything else around me.

Nothing else mattered.

Nothing but him.

Without words or notice his finger was removed and was quickly replaced by his cock. I gasped at the sensation of him filling me like that. He slipped in and out of me as I completely gave myself over to the push and pull. One hand grabbed my hair and pulled lightly while the other hand reached around and touched and squeezed my breast. He was talking above me but I couldn't focus on his words…I was consumed by the way he felt inside if me. This was the most intense we had ever been and I didn't know what was driving his need. It felt primal.

The harder he pushed the louder I got. It was as if I was trying to show him with each and every thrust that he could have me like this. I could be whatever he needed…whenever he needed it. I knew I was approaching my climax. I was standing on the edge of it. I could feel it inching closer. He pressed his mouth to my ear and spoke to me.

"I fucking love you, Bella. Promise me…promise me you'll always love me."

And with that, my body clenched around him and I exploded in the most forceful orgasm I'd ever experienced.

"I love you, Edward!" I cried. "I will always love you."

I don't know if it was my words or the way I'd contracted around him as I came, but something set off Edward and he came in me in one final push before collapsing on top of me with ragged pants and muted cries.

A little while later, we lay on the couch together. Edward was underneath me, his arms wrapped around me as he held me close. We had yet to really speak about what happened. It was all just whispered words of love and murmurs of adoration and gratitude. I peppered his face with kisses and ran my fingers through his soft, chaotic hair, calming him, soothing him.

I was beginning to really see how much Edward actually needed me, and while that frightened me, it also centered me in a way. He was it for me. He was the one. I looked back down at him and drank in his perfection. All man and desire and love, but he was also like a little boy who seemed so afraid that I would run and not need him. That was the part I didn't understand. Now that I'd found him, I couldn't think of a time when I would ever not need him. But _something_ was going on with him and I didn't know what it was.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Do I look hurt?"

"No, you look perfect."

He kissed me softly.

"I know this has been a tough week, but I hope this is a little better."

"_This_," he chuckled, "is so much better."

He felt me shiver and rolled me to the side so that he could cover me with his body and keep me warm.

"Edward?" I asked, as his green eyes looked down into mine. "I know something is going on with you. I need you to tell me what it is."

***************

_**A/N**_

_***Leave me some love and review. Or you can leave Darcyward some love. He needs a little affection.**_

_***Thanks to Marvar, once again, for her wonderful and magical beta skills. I cannot tell you how much my words would suck without her. She has two kick-ass stories of her own. Please check her out and leave her some love.**_

_***I am one of the authors participating in MsKathy's Haiti Relief Twi FanFic Author Compilation. I have written an outtake from Chapter 16 of the call that takes place between Edward and Michael. I will not be posting this outtake on FanFiction or Twilighted. It will only be available through this charitable effort. Please visit the link below to donate.**_

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_***EPOV is complete. Let's see how close we can get to my goal. I so want to share it with you guys!!!! Put me on author alert, so you'll know when I post it!**_

_***Thanks to all of my readers. I love each and every one of you far more than I can tell you!**_

_***Lastly, Happy Birthday to Brooke! I hope your day is wonderful and that you get a private session with the Professor.**_

_**xoxo**_


	22. Beautiful

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a new hot pink trench coat.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 22

Edward looked at me, visibly surprised and shaken by my words.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

I wrapped my arms closer around him, wanting him to know that I loved him, feeling sorry for having overheard his side of what was obviously a private conversation. I placed a kiss against his neck and took in a deep breath, exhaling against his warm, flushed skin.

"I heard you on the phone before I came in, Edward," I said meekly. "I heard you talking to Carlisle and I'm sorry I listened, but what you said…well…well, what you said scared me a little."

He looked at me, eyes wide for the briefest moment, several emotions crossing his face.

"Bella, I…" Edward started. "I'm sorry to have scared you."

"It's okay," I offered. "I'm worried about you, though. You can talk to me, Edward."

I placed my hands on either side of his face and pulled his lips to mine. I kissed him softly, pleading with him to just open up to me, showing him that whatever it was, he could tell me and it would be okay. I could feel him giving in to the kiss as he pulled my bottom lip between his and sucked languidly. He moaned into my mouth, though it was no more than a whimper. I felt his fingers press into my sides as he pulled me closer and then his body sunk into mine.

He moved his mouth across my cheek and over my ear, stopping to suck my earlobe into his mouth before moving down to my throat. There was no intensity, just sweet and placid kisses of exploration. It would have been so effortless, just to get lost in the way his tongue sifted over my skin. I couldn't, though. I could still hear the vexation in his voice from before when he was on the phone with Carlisle. And just the memory of his voice gave me the resolve that I needed to focus.

"Please, let me in," I whispered in his ear. "Tell me what's going on with you."

He pulled back and his smoldering eyes found mine. He pressed a kiss to my cheek and pushed himself back, holding himself above me with his arms.

"_Talk to me_," I pleaded.

He sighed and I felt his breath across my face. He started to get up and I scrambled up to my knees behind him on the couch. He glanced over at his shoulder at me and I looked at him expectantly.

"You're going to be cold," he said quietly as he took in my appearance and lack of clothing.

"I brought a jacket," I responded quickly, not wanting to change the subject.

He stood from the couch and pulled on his boxers and pants before bending over and picking up his shirt. I thought he was going to put it on, but he walked back to the couch and handed it to me as he sat back down beside me. I put the shirt on and pulled it closed in the front, but left it unbuttoned.

"I like you better in my shirt," he told me, smiling.

His smile warmed me far more than his shirt ever could and as he leaned back, I snuggled into his embrace. I waited for him to speak, to say something, anything. We sat there quietly for seconds…minutes…I couldn't be sure. Once the silence became too much for me, I decided to say something again, but Edward spoke before I had the chance.

"Bella, about what I was saying when you got here…" he took in a deep breath. He seemed to be having trouble finding the words. I waited patiently until he spoke again. "I'm sorry you had to hear that," he said finally, almost too simply.

I lifted my head to look at him and he looked frustrated, uncomfortable.

"Edward, why is this so difficult for you?" I asked. "You know you can tell me anything."

I felt the need to comfort him…to soothe him. I twisted in his arms until I was facing him, but I wasn't close enough. I decided to crawl in his lap. Proximity worked for us. We were always more open and honest with each other in intimate situations. I looked at him as I moved and he immediately understood what I was doing. He opened his arms as I positioned myself on his lap. I sat facing him so that I could look at him as he spoke. I wanted him to see the love that I had for him in my eyes. I wanted him to feel it.

"It's nothing, Bella, really," he said, but I knew he was lying.

"Don't do that, Edward," I said softly. Anger and irritation would not help me. He needed love. He need acceptance. "Don't lie to me. I know something is going on. _I heard you_," I whispered. "I can feel it."

"You're right," he said, releasing a deep breath in a whoosh. "But it has nothing to do with you…it's just work stressing me out right now."

_Okay, I could work with 'work.'_

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked him. "Did having to be away so much last week cause you any problems here?"

His words ran through my mind. I had only spoken to Esme earlier in the day. She didn't seem to be too concerned with Edward's spending all of his time with me last week. In fact, she said that he would have been useless at work and that he could work from home just as easily as the office.

"No, not at all," he said quickly. "_This._ This is what I didn't want to happen."

He pulled me to his chest, holding me, hugging me. I noticed that even though he wasn't wearing a shirt, his skin was still warm.

"What?" I asked, having no real idea what he was talking about.

"I see your mind working and you're already trying to figure out how this is your fault. But, it's not, Bella."

He placed a quick kiss on my lips, almost as if to punctuate his statement. He pulled back again and searched my eyes. His own eyes were intense and green. Their usual deep jade was now an almost blazing emerald.

"This," he said, as he motioned to the space between us with his hand. "What we share? It's _perfect_, Bella. It's perfect and it has nothing to do with anything else. This is just you and me."

"Yes, Edward," I agreed with him. "This _is_ just you and me. I _love_ what we share…and I…I love you. I love you, Edward. We _are_ perfect."

"Let me just keep this one thing perfect."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, still not understanding.

"Bella, there are certain things…" he coughed as if he were trying to clear his throat, "that I want to keep separate from my personal life."

"Edward, you work with your family. It doesn't get more personal than that."

I watched as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"That's not what I mean, Bella."

"Then tell me what you mean, because right now, Edward," I told him in a voice that was more shrill than I'd intended. "Right now it feels like you're keeping something from me."

He looked at me thoughtfully for a long time. I began to note the timing of his breaths. It was fascinating to me that we could be in the middle of this intense conversation, but my body was still completely relaxed…just from being close to him. I could tell it was just the same for him.

"Yes, my family is personal," he said. He looked as if he were trying to work through what he was saying as he spoke. "But, you…you're _more_ personal."

"What do you mean?"

He ran his fingers along the opening of his shirt. They barely grazed my skin. It felt good…it felt nice.

"I don't know how to explain it other than how I have already," he said.

"Try."

"I just don't want to bring my work stress into our relationship."

I thought about what he was saying. I could understand it to some degree. It wasn't as if I shared every detail about my job with him. I could completely sympathize with wanting to keep my work and personal life separate. I'd done it my whole career. And it wasn't as if I couldn't understand wanting to leave the stress of work there…not wanting to bring it home with me.

"Edward, I can understand your need to keep certain things separate, really I can."

"You can?"

"Of course," I told him. "But, will you promise me something?"

"Anything," he said without question.

"If there is ever anything that you need to talk about…just to get it off of your shoulders, you will come to me."

He grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled me to him, kissing me earnestly.

"I promise," he murmured against my lips.

We kissed like that for a while until I started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" he asked.

I took a look around his office and smiled back at him.

"The fact that we just had a long conversation about keeping us and work separate."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's just sort of…_ironic_…considering what we just did…in your office…at your place of work."

He chuckled lowly.

"Bella…I said that I didn't want to bring my problems at work into our relationship."

He smirked at me.

"You can feel free to bring our relationship here _anytime_."

We stood and got ready to leave and as I was putting on my coat and buttoning the front, he came and put his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear.

"I've missed you this week, Bella. Thank you for doing this."

"Anytime."

"I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you, too and I want you to know something."

"Yeah?" he whispered. "What's that?"

I turned around to face him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I think that this," I said, as I trailed one palm down his chest, "what we have…I think it's perfect too, Edward."

***************

Steam was still coming from the bathroom as I dried my hair with a towel. The hot shower had been perfect after a long day at work and I had about an hour to get ready.

I had a date with Edward.

Actually, I had a date with Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie _and_ Emmett. I was excited about spending time with all of them together. As I was thinking about the upcoming night, my mind wondered to Alice. She had been so nervous all day about meeting Jasper's sister, Rosalie. I knew, from my initial meeting with Rosalie, that she was not the kind of person that was won over easily. But I also know that if anyone could win her over, it would be Alice.

I tried to convince her earlier that day to come over to my place and get ready together. She declined, stating that she wanted to do the whole 'real date thing' with Jasper. I liked the idea of that, especially given the stress and strain of the last couple weeks. I wanted to take my time getting ready for Edward. After helping Alice find the perfect dress, I'd found the perfect dress of my own in the store. It was Donna Karan and it was gorgeous. I loved it from the moment I saw it. It was too expensive, but it would be worth every penny if Edward reacted the way I hoped he would. It was gathered at the side and draped lightly at the waist. It crossed and wrapped around my neck, covering my chest completely, but leaving my shoulders bare. It had long sleeves and the back of the dress dipped in a wide U, exposing my shoulder blades.

As I applied my make-up, the soulful sound of India Arie filled my room as my iPod played a random shuffle. When I was finished I secured my hair in a lose bun at the side of my neck, wanting to leave my back exposed. I slipped the dress on and picked out a pair of black stilettos. I walked back out into my bedroom and stood in front of my full-length mirror and I _felt_ beautiful. The words from the India Arie song replayed in my head as I looked at myself.

"_Cause you're beautiful like a flower  
More valuable than a diamond  
You are powerful like a fire  
You can heal the world with your mind_

There is nothing in the world that you cannot do  
When you believe in you, who are beautiful  
Yeah, you, who are brilliant  
Yeah, you, who are powerful  
Yeah, you, who are resilient"

Edward knocked on my door at exactly seven, sharp. I knew he would be prompt and I giggled a little to myself as I walked carefully over to the door in my heels. I opened the door and Edward was there in a black suit, looking handsome and charming as ever. His eyes widened as he took in my appearance and I watched as they swept all the way down the length my body. He gasped…_audibly_. I reveled in the fact that I had, indeed, chosen the perfect dress. I didn't even care about the money anymore. That one moment, unquestionably, was worth every penny.

"Bella, you're breathtaking," he murmured, his voice lower than usual.

He walked inside and stood in front of me. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the bare skin of my exposed shoulder. He tongue slipped out and he licked me, but only briefly. He pulled back and looked into my eyes and his intensity was staggering. I had to force myself to remain composed…and standing. He placed another kiss on my neglected shoulder and whispered against my neck.

"Truly, you're a vision."

"Thank you," I managed to say back, still overwhelmed by his presence and the too-perfect words that were coming from his mouth.

"I would tell you that just looking at you in this dress makes me want to keep you here all to myself, but everyone deserves to see how exquisite you really are."

I blushed and with as much skin as I had exposed, I knew he would be able to tell right away…and that only made me blush more. He chuckled at my response, but I could tell that he was still affected. He breathing had become shallow and I noticed him swallow thickly as he reached for my pashmina on the table next to us. As he wrapped it around my shoulders, he took the opportunity to kiss my check.

"Are you ready, love?" he asked.

"I am," was all I could manage.

He picked up my clutch from the table held out his arm for me. I took it and as he led me out of the door, I realized that Alice really was on to something with the whole 'actual date' thing.

***************

We arrived at Emmett and Rosalie's house a little ahead of time. Edward said that Jasper and Alice still weren't there because he didn't see his car. I snickered to myself at the thought that Alice's dress might have gotten the response that she was hoping for. I waited in the car as Edward circled around and opened my door. He took my hand and helped me out of my seat. It was dark out, but because we were outside of the city, the moon and stars illuminated the sky.

It was beautiful.

He pulled me to him, kissing me softly, openly. I melted against him and savored the way his lips felt against mine, the way his tongue tasted in my mouth.

"You are so beautiful in the moonlight, Bella."

And with those words, the moment was perfect…too perfect. Just like him.

"You're not going to start quoting Byron, are you?" I asked him playfully.

I could see the smile spread across his face as he pulled me closer, still.

"I can if you like," he murmured. "Though, I prefer Keats."

I shivered at his words, even as my face and body flushed. The thought of Edward reciting poetry made me dizzy.

"Maybe later," I suggested with a husky voice that I wasn't expecting.

He kissed me quickly, one last time before leading me up to the house.

Emmett was the one to welcome us at the door. He looked dapper in his suit, though nowhere near as striking as Edward did in his. He was warm and boisterous just as I remembered. He hugged Edward before looking down at me and then pulled me into a bear hug too. I wasn't expecting that, but the gesture was so genuine, I found myself giggling.

"Damn, Edward," he said with a smirk. "She's hot. How the hell did you get so lucky?"

I blushed at his compliment and looked over at Edward. He was smiling and seeming to enjoy my embarrassment a little too much.

"Excuse me, Emmett," I heard Rosalie say from the back of the foyer. "You didn't say that about me tonight."

I looked over to Rosalie and she was striking in a vivid red dress with a plunging v-neckline. Her blonde hair hung in soft curls around her shoulders and, for the briefest moment, I was awestruck at her beauty.

"Baby," Emmett cooed in her direction before walking over to her. "You know I think that you're the hottest girl in any room."

"That's more like it, baby," she purred as she patted his cheek.

"I think I might have to disagree with you," Edward said, looking down at me.

"As well you should," Rosalie said, laughing. "Welcome to our home, Bella. We're so glad that you could join us tonight…even if you did have to bring Edward."

Emmett guffawed at this and Edward chuckled in response. And just like that, I felt completely at ease and comfortable.

We were in the living room having cocktails when Jasper and Alice arrived. She looked gorgeous in her dress and she was practically glowing at Jasper's side. I could tell that she was nervous to meet Rosalie, but surprisingly, Rosalie was as welcoming to Alice as she had been with me. I couldn't have been happier at the thought that they would hit it off. I smiled, knowing that Alice would have won her over anyway.

Emmett and Rosalie's home was grander than I'd imagined it would be. It was impeccably decorated and I thought that I could tell from the small touches and accents that it reflected both of their personalities. The artwork was vivid; huge statement pieces hung on the walls in bold, dynamic colors. But there was also a warmth that permeated the rooms and it made their home seem lived in, enjoyed. It made me want to get to know them better.

We continued with drinks and the conversation flowed easily between the six of us. It felt as if we'd known each other for years instead of the practical strangers that some of us were to the others. Edward and I were sitting on a love seat across the room from the others. I could feel his hand on the bare skin of my back. His fingers delicately stroked my skin and before long he had moved his way up to my neck. It felt wonderful and completely relaxing. I looked over at him, smiling sheepishly and I could see that his expression was one of desire and lust. I looked down into my drink, trying to avoid his gaze and the way it was making me feel, but he was having none of that. He leaned over and whispered to me.

"This dress is beyond description, Bella." I felt his tongue slip out and lick the inside of the shell of my ear. "But, I can't wait to take you home and get you out of it."

My entire body was on fire at his words and the way his breath felt on my neck, not to mention his tongue. I could feel the blood rushing to my face, but this didn't deter him at all. It only served to push him further. He whispered again.

"You're blush makes me crazy, Bella."

I felt his hand slide down my back and his fingers dipped underneath the fabric of my dress. I quickly looked up to see if anyone was noticing what he was doing, but they were all engrossed in their own conversation.

"I want to see this blush covering your entire body."

I looked back at him, astounded at his words and how brazen he was being while his family and our friends sat across the room from us. He just smiled back at me and pecked me on the lips.

"Oh, really, Edward?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"Really," he said, kissing me one more time.

I was brought back to the reality of our situation when I heard Rosalie ask, "Are they always like this?"

I looked up to find her staring at Alice who was bobbing her head up and down in agreement.

"Always," she said earnestly.

I glared at her and she laughed, but after a moment, I found that I was laughing too…even though I was still embarrassed.

"Good for you," Rosalie said, her eyes gleaming.

A little while later, Rose and Emmett led us into the dining room for dinner. Dinner was lovely and I was impressed. Rosalie didn't seem like the kind of woman that liked to cook, but everything was done to perfection. I found watched as she and Alice interacted. It was so important to Alice that Jasper's sister like her and they really did seem to get along famously. I was so pleased. It was wonderful watching Edward interact with his brother and Jasper. There was a playfulness among the three of them as they laughed and talked together. Once again, I found that I was amazed by the love that saturated every part of this family. The only difference was that this time, I felt like a part of them. Not just an outsider looking in.

At one point during dinner, I felt Edward's hand stroke along the length of my thigh. It wasn't random affection. It was deliberate, it was hot. His palm pressed and massaged, his fingers tickled and teased. He was trying to get a reaction out of me…and it was working. I continued my conversation with Alice and Jasper, trying to distract myself. As he drew closer and closer to the part of my body that was now aching with the need for him to _really_ touch me, I subtly removed my hand from the table and placed it in my lap, grabbing his hand with my own. I figured I had two choices. One would stop all playing under the table and one would exact revenge.

_I chose revenge._

I took his hand that was now grasped in mine and I placed it right in the center, between my legs. I heard him gasp quietly, which he tried to mask as a cough. Emmett asked if he was okay and I smiled sweetly before telling Edward that he should probably drink some water. He smiled down at me as I released his hand and he quickly took a drink from the glass that was in front of him. Everyone started talking again and I saw Edward shift in his seat beside me. I knew that I wasn't the only one aching at the table. While everyone else was otherwise engage, I reached my hand over to Edward's leg. I began to touch and toy with him in the same manner that he had me just moments before. As my hand drew higher, his breathing became shallower. Finally my hand reached the juncture between his thighs, and what I found there…didn't surprise me at all.

_He was hard._

He was hard and I could feel his erection pressing against the closure of his pants. I squeezed him gently through the cloth and at the same time, I asked Alice a question about her new job. No one suspected anything. Once Alice was involved in her response and everyone's attention was on her, I began to gently stroke him over his pants. I felt him swell and grow even harder in my hand. Edward was gripping the sides of his chair with both hands and he couldn't keep the intense expression off his face. I looked up at him with the demure look I could manage with his cock in my hand and he looked down at me, pleading with his eyes for me to stop…or continue. I don't think he was sure which action he really wanted me to take.

"Truce?" he mouthed silently.

"Truce." I agreed.

I squeezed him once more before promptly removing my hand from his lap and turning my attention back to the group.

After we finished the main course, Rosalie brought out dessert and coffee. As she sat the flourless-chocolate cakes in front of us, she described a game that we were all going to play while we ate.

"The game is called _If_. I have six cards in unmarked envelopes." She handed Alice a glass bowl with the envelopes inside. "Alice, please write the name of each person on an envelope." Alice quickly started writing. "We will pass around the bowl and you will draw a card. If you draw your own name, you must draw another card. Once everyone has a card, we will work clockwise around the table asking the person their question. Every question begins with the word if."

"Did you write the questions, Rose?" Jasper asked in a speculative tone of voice.

"No," she told him. "I got this game at a party store and I randomly drew the cards from the box. I don't even know what the questions are," she said winking at me. "Finding out is half the fun."

Once we all drew our cards, it was decided that Edward would ask his question first. He opened up envelope and stated that he drew Alice. Looking across the table to her, he asked the question written on the card.

"If you could foresee a single day of your future in its entirety, what day would you select?"

She didn't even have to think about her answer. She spoke quickly and honestly, her eyes smiling the whole time.

"My wedding day," she said wistfully. "I would want to see my wedding day."

I watched the way that Jasper looked at her while she spoke, and I had no doubt in my mind that she would marry him one day. Edward placed his card down on the table and Jasper kissed her passionately. I might have swooned.

I was up next. I held up my envelope and revealed that I had Jasper. I opened it up quickly and l asked the question.

"If you were to receive any existing award, what award would you like to win?"

He puzzled over his answer for a moment, before breaking into a huge grin.

"That's easy," he said in his sweet, southern drawl. I wondered momentarily why Rosalie didn't have a southern accent. "I would want to win a Grammy…Best New Artist."

We all looked at him as if he was joking, but he maintained that was actually what he would want to win.

"Well good luck with that," Rose said sarcastically. "You can't sing for shit!"

And with that, we all busted out laughing.

Rose was up next and she fanned the card next to her face as if she were hot.

"I've got Bella," she said dramatically.

I blushed and she hadn't even asked me a question. She opened the envelope and looked at the card, smiling brightly.

"Oooh…this is a good one!"

Edward took my hand and pressed his fingers into my palm, then pressed a kiss to my right cheek.

"If you could have a romance with any fictional character, who would you choose?"

I was relieved. This was the easiest question anyone could ask me. And just like Alice, I didn't even have to think about my answer. I looked up at Edward and smiled.

"Mr. Darcy," I said quietly and Edward's eyes grew intense.

I wanted to kiss him…and had we not been in a room with four other people, I would have.

Emmett was up next and he held up his card to show everyone.

"Baby," he said. "I got you."

She kissed him sweetly before telling him to open the damn envelope. He opened it and his eyes grew wide before he slammed it down on the table.

"Fuck, no," he said. "I'm not asking you that."

"Why not baby?" she purred.

"Because it's a _sex_ question." He said, whispering the word sex.

"Is that all?" Rosalie asked laughing. "Just ask the damn question Emmett."

"Fine," he grumbled. "If you could be the lover of any person alive other than your current lover, who would you pick?"

"Oh, my," Rosalie exclaimed.

She brought her fingers up to her mouth and tapped lightly as she thought.

"Well," she said, as she looked at Emmett. "I would never want another man except you, baby."

His expression softened as she spoke.

"But if I _had_ to choose…I'm going with Johnny Depp."

We all laughed at her answer and we laughed even harder when Emmett crumpled up the card and threw it across the room.

Alice had Emmett and she asked him the question seriously…as if she were trying to be Oprah or Barbara Walters.

"Emmett," she said. "If you could "unknow" one thing you know, what would it be?"

Without even blinking he gave us his response.

"I would want to _unknow_ the fact that my wife wants to fuck some skinny ass pirate."

Edward was laughing so hard at his brother next to me, I could feel him shaking. Jasper held it in as long as possible, but before long, the whole table was laughing…including Emmett.

Jasper was the last one and we all knew he had Edward. Edward rolled his eyes at his best friend, but I could tell that he was just a bit nervous about what the question might be. Come to think of it, so was I. I certainly didn't want to hear Edward talk about wanting to have sex with Angelina Jolie. Suddenly, I felt a great amount of sympathy for Emmett.

Jasper opened the envelope and read the question aloud.

"Edward," he said, smirking. "If you had to describe your idea of the perfect mate, how would you do it?"

The whole table fell silent at his words and everyone looked at Edward…and then me. If Edward was nervous about answering the question, he never once showed it. He simply took my hand in his again, looked directly in my eyes and began speaking. The moment I heard his velvet voice, I completely forgot the other four people in the room.

"She is strong and capable, brilliant and generous. She is smart and sexy…definitely sexy. She is forgiving and gracious. She is trusting and trustworthy. She is resilient and determined. She needs me, but is still independent. She loves others completely, but still loves me more."

My heart was pounding in my chest and I wasn't even sure that I could breathe.

"She is everything that is perfect and lovely in the world…and _my god_, she is beautiful."

It didn't matter that eight other eyes were upon us. I had forgotten them all completely anyway. His emerald eyes were smoldering and he pulled my mouth to his. His kiss was hungry and needy…penetrating yet soft. And as I gave myself over to it, to him…he gave himself over to me.

And we were beautiful.

***************

_**A/N**_

_***Please leave me some love and review.**_

_***Thanks to Marvar for being wonderful and pulling out her magic wand at the last minute to beta this! Thanks for making my awful week just a bit better! (You complete me.)**_

_***Thanks to the slores on UoEM. You guys own me.**_

_***Thanks to Squally for your recc on Twitter. I heart you!**_

'_**Beautiful Flower' written by India Arie. /Universal Republic Records, a division of UMG Recordings, Inc.**_

"_**If" questions by Evelyn McFarlane and James Saywell.**_


	23. Fall Leaves and First Times

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a pair of red Dolce and Gabbana eyeglasses**_

_**that I don't really need, but use to look smart…and stylish.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 23

The sun was creeping through the window of Edward's bedroom, casting a soft glow across every visible surface. I didn't care about any of that, however, because all I could see, all I could focus on…was the way his hair dropped over his forehead, soft and luminous and shining bronze from the gentle, morning light. He looked so peaceful as he slept. I fought the urge I had to reach out and stroke his hair. We had gotten up so early every day during the week. I wanted him to be able to sleep in. He needed to rest. So, I just laid there in his arms, content that he was still holding me…the same way he'd held me all night. He never once let me go. Just like always.

We had come back to his apartment after dinner the night before. He had been staying with me all week and I thought that he might want to spend some time in his own space. Honestly, as much as I loved being with him in my home, I was more than happy to be with him in his. It made me feel like more a part of his world…his life. I wanted him to let me in. I contemplated the antithesis that he was. He was so open and giving and exposed with me when it came to how he felt…how he loved me. But, then there was this other side of him that was completely closed off and shut down to me. I wanted him to share with me. I wanted him to know that I could help him shoulder the stresses of his life. He had certainly helped shoulder mine.

He hummed in his sleep and pulled me closer. I pushed back my thoughts and came willingly, deeper into his embrace. He was warm and masculine and comfort and love. I placed my head against his chest and allowed myself to feel his heartbeat, to hear his breathing. The rhythmic cadence soothed my soul and quieted my mind. He was here and I was in his arms. He loved me and I loved him.

More than I could understand.

So much more than I could have ever fathomed.

A little while later, I felt him stir and his hand slid from the dip in my waist to the curve of my bottom. He pressed and massaged the flesh there, causing me to moan. I giggled into his chest and pressed a kiss on the top of my head, before sweeping my hair from my face. He wanted to see me and even though I was probably a mess of tangles and sleep…and I wanted to be seen.

"Good morning, beautiful," he murmured and my body tingled in response to his words.

"Good morning."

"There is nothing I love more than waking up with you in my arms."

"Nothing?" I asked suggestively.

He chuckled as he dragged his hands up along my back, his fingers teasing my skin in the most delicious way.

"Well," he added huskily. "Nothing more than waking up with you in my arms _after_ doing what we did last night."

"And what exactly did we do last night, Edward?" I asked him playfully, dragging my own fingers across the naked skin of his chest and stomach…and then further down.

"Are you saying you don't remember what we did last night?" he asked; his voice tight as my hand surrounded his already hard cock.

"No, baby," I whispered, before pressing my open, wet mouth to his in a deep and burning kiss. "I'm saying that I want you to remind me."

And he did.

Twice.

***************

We spent all day Saturday together and it was wonderful and relaxing.

After getting out of bed, I made Edward breakfast. I was surprised to find that his refrigerator was well-stocked, seeing as how he'd spent most of the last two weeks with me. After breakfast, we headed to my apartment so I could change clothes. I didn't have anything to wear at Edward's and though he tried to find something that would fit me, everything was way too big. I ended up just putting my dress on from the night before. As we made our way down to the car and I took in the disheveled state of my appearance, I made a flippant statement about a 'walk of shame.' Edward just laughed and said that it wasn't a walk of shame if he was making it with me.

That earned him a kiss in the elevator.

I got in the shower at my apartment while Edward made some phone calls. When I got out, I dried of quickly, wrapping a towel around my hair and sliding on his cashmere robe. I padded out into the living room to find him sitting on the couch talking to Emmett. He smiled at me and motioned for me to come and sit on his lap. I did as he asked and he promptly ended his call.

"I like you in my robe."

"Do you, now?"

"Yes," he said, untying the front of the robe and slipping his hands around my waist. "Almost as much as I liked seeing you in my shirt."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled my fingers through the back of his hair, making him groan.

"The robe is warmer than your shirt," I whispered in his ear.

"But, you were hotter in my shirt," he whispered back.

"I don't know, Edward," I said, pulling back to look at him. "I'm pretty hot right now."

"Christ, Bella," he rasped. "You can't say something like that to me and not expect me to take you right here on this couch."

"You started it," I pouted. "Besides, I'm in your lap with my…I'm sorry, I mean _your_ robe open." I leaned in to nuzzle and kiss his neck as he groaned. "Maybe I wanted you to take me…" I pulled back to look at his now darkened eyes. "Right here on this couch."

His hands traveled quickly from my waist as he gripped the sides of my neck. He pulled me to him forcefully, crashing his lips to mine, kissing me arduously, roughly. I returned his kiss with every bit of the passion that I felt for him, matching his fervor with licks and bites and sucking and moans. When he pulled away panting, I had to catch my breath. His eyes were still dark, but they were soft and fluid, full of emotion.

His chest was heaving and I could see the vein in his neck as it pulsed to the beat of his beautiful heart, and in that moment, with his eyes looking at me and his warm hands still on my neck, I fell a little more in love with him. And though I couldn't be certain…I think he felt the same way.

***************

We didn't make love on the couch because Edward informed me that he had made plans for our afternoon. As we strolled through the park in the middle of downtown, I realized he wasn't kidding. The weather was perfect, crisp and cool and entirely fall. The leaves had all turned and the ground was covered in splashes of warm and vibrant colors. Red, orange, yellow and brown leaves all crunched under our feet as we walked. Edward took his hand that was holding mine and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me close. We came to a park bench that had a basket placed to the left. Edward released me and picked up the basket. I looked at him questioningly and he smiled brightly at me, stating that it was for us. When I asked him how it got here, he just shrugged and said that he'd had help. He offered no other explanation.

He led me to a grassy area beneath a huge tree and then opened the basket. When he pulled out a Burberry blanket and began to spread it out across the grass, a huge smile crossed my face.

"You're taking me on a picnic?" I asked in an animated voice.

He just grinned at me, his green eyes shining brightly. He sat down on the blanket and patted the spot next to him, asking me to sit next to him. I complied and took my place right at his side. He looked down at me and kissed me gently on the lips.

"Yes," he murmured, wrapping both arms around me. "I'm taking you on a picnic. Do you like it?"

I looked up at him and I was sure that my face was radiating with pleasure, but just in case he couldn't tell, I told him.

"I love it, Edward."

"I love you, Bella."

He opened the basket again and began to pull out small containers and then he pulled out two wine glasses and a bottle of wine. When he produced a cork-screw and began opening the wine, I realized that he had thought of everything.

We spent the next hour feeding each other fruit and cheese and the most delicious bread I'd ever eaten. Feeding Edward was sensual, erotic even. I held out a strawberry to him, placing it between his lips…and as his teeth sunk into the flesh of the red fruit, juice covered his lips and ran down his chin. I watched, enraptured by the sight, and before I could stop myself…I was licking and lapping the juice from his skin. This led to a passionate kiss that found und us lying on the blanket, wrapped around each other. If people passed us by, we never noticed. I was completely consumed by him, completely lost in the open emotion of his eyes…utterly entranced by the vivid beauty of his soul.

After we had lay there for a long while, just drinking in the presence of each other, I watched as Edward trailed his fingers up and down my arm. I could still feel the electricity that was always there when we touched, even though there were layers of fabric between his fingers and my skin. He was propped up on one elbow, looking down at me, his messy hair casting a shadow over his expressive eyes.

"You really liked it?" he asked.

"I love it, Edward…so much," I told him, pulling him down to kiss him softly. "No one has ever taken me on a picnic before."

It was true. Not once in my life had anyone ever taken me on a picnic. Never my parents or even the few people I had dated in my life. Not one other person had ever thought to be so considerate and loving.

Just him…just Edward.

"I think I rather like being one of your firsts, Ms. Swan," he said to me playfully and I giggled.

"You have been a lot of my firsts, Mr. Cullen," I said to him without an ounce of humor. "You're the first man I've ever been in love with."

His eyes grew intense at my words.

"What else?" he asked in a low voice.

"Really?" I asked. "You want to know?"

He leaned down to kiss me before saying, "Yes…I want to know everything about you."

_Me too, Edward. I want to know everything about you._

"Well," I said, blushing. "You were the first man I ever slept with on the first date."

He sensed my embarrassment as I turned my eyes away from his intensive stare. He guided my face back to his, cupping my cheek and stroking my bottom lip with his thumb.

"No," he said gently. "You don't get to be embarrassed about that night." He pressed his lips to mine in a kiss that was soft, but not open. "That night was beautiful…you were beautiful."

"So were you," I added in a voice that was shaky and small.

He smiled again and went back to stroking my arm with his fingers.

"What else?" he asked again.

Something immediately popped into my mind, but I was instantly mortified at the thought of telling him about it. That was when every bit of the blood that was coursing through my body, flooded my face. I bit down on my bottom lip and felt - more than I heard - him laughing.

"You are so easy to read, love," he said as his chest rumbled above me. "You could never hide anything from me."

I laughed at the truth of his words, but noticed that he looked distant for a moment.

"Hey," I said softly. "Are you with me?"

"Of course," he said. "Now…tell me what you were just thinking about."

"Umm..." I started. "When we um…I mean, when I…"

Jesus. I was mortified. I couldn't really tell him that. Could I? I looked at him and I could tell that he was bouncing back and forth between trying to laugh at my embarrassment and concern for what it was that I was trying to say. It was the concern I saw that calmed my fears. I realized that I shouldn't be ashamed to tell Edward this. If anything, he would probably love the fact that he had been my first…well, my only. So, I took a deep breath and just said it.

"The night that you were sleeping…and I…" I looked up into his eyes. "Do you remember the umm…the night I woke you up…you know…_with my mouth_?" I said the last part so low, it was almost a whisper.

"I'll never forget that night, Bella," he said, his voice thick. "I will _never_ forget that night."

His hand made its way under my jacket and he slipped his fingers under the edge of my sweater, rubbing gentle circles on the skin of my belly above my jeans.

"Well, that night was a first for me because I had never…you know…swallowed before," I said timidly and I felt his fingers grasp and curl around the waist of my jeans.

"I'm the only person you've ever done that with?" He sounded both surprised and relieved.

"Yes."

"Why did you want to do that with me, Bella?" he asked. "Did you…" he paused as he cleared his throat. "What I mean is…do you like doing that?"

I looked at him, all expectant and nervous. I reached down, pulling his fingers away from my pants and I clasped his hand in mine.

"I wanted to do it with you…for you, because Edward, I love every part of you. Even though, I'm not sure if I was in love with you then…I wanted to know and experience every part of you. I had never wanted to do _that_ before. That night when I was watching you sleep and looking at you…_there_…I wanted to feel you in my mouth and I _wanted_ to taste you."

I was still gripping his hand and I looked down to our joined fingers before looking back into his eyes.

"And to answer you other question…yes, Edward." I told him. "Yes…I do like doing that. Don't you like doing it for me?"

He chuckled and I could tell that he might have been the slightest bit affected by my words.

"Bella, I don't know if _like _is the word I would use," he said. "I would spend all my days doing _that_ to you if you would let me."

My body tingled and my face flushed at the thought.

"Edward, what about you?" I asked after a moment. "Did I get any of your firsts?"

"You did," he told me gently. "But you already know about them."

"What are they?" I asked, trying to remember.

"You were the first woman I ever brought home to meet my parents."

He was right. I did know about that.

"So really, Carlisle and Esme never met any of the women you dated?"

"No, that's not what I said," he told me, looking slightly uncomfortable, which made me slightly uncomfortable.

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm and even.

"They did meet a woman that I was seeing, but I never took her home."

He looked at me as if to gauge my response. I remained outwardly unemotional and attempted to look uninterested.

"They met her out at dinner one night." He offered, as if that was supposed to make me feel better.

"How long ago did you date her?" I asked, trying not to seem like I was pushing for information, but wanting to find out as much about this woman as possible. I don't know why I wanted to know about her. She was his past. I was his present. I allowed myself to be comforted by that truth as I listened to his answer.

"About a year ago."

"How long were you together?"

_Please don't say a year!_

"A few months," he offered with a shrug.

I smiled, relieved.

"What was her name?" I asked, hoping he would tell me…or hoping he wouldn't. I couldn't tell.

"Why do you want to know her name, Bella? She wasn't important."

Yeah, I definitely wanted to know her name since he was being evasive.

"Why don't you want to tell me?" I asked indignantly. "It's not as if I'm going to call her tomorrow and compare notes."

He seemed to think about my question for an extended moment, before deciding to just tell me.

"Tanya," he said, resigned. "Her name was Tanya."

"See?" I asked. "Was that so hard?"

"No," he said. "But are we done now?"

It made me a little happy that he didn't seem to want to talk about this woman – the only _other_ woman that had ever met his parents.

"Just one more," I promised. "Why did you break up?"

The uncomfortable, tense expression on his face vanished with my words and was replaced a soft and tender smile that went all the way up to his eyes.

"I broke up with her, Bella…because I was looking for more…_I was looking for you_."

My eyes misted over with his words and I felt silly for having been so insecure in those few moments.

He brushed a strand of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear.

"Don't you want to know what my other first was?"

"Yes," I told him. "I want to know everything about you."

"You were the first woman I ever loved," he said, leaning over and kissing me. "The only woman," he added.

I pulled back briefly so that I could see his eyes.

"You never loved anyone else?" I asked. I thought that was the case, but he'd never really told me. We hadn't ever really talked about our romantic history until now.

"No, Bella," he said seriously. "There's only been you…there will only _ever_ be you."

His words held such conviction, but what really got me…what completely astounded me, what the promise that they carried. Edward loved me and wanted me…and it sounded as if he would love me forever. Like there wasn't even a thought that this wasn't it for him. _That I was the one._ And with that promise, with that one realization…I knew that there would never, _could never_ be anyone, but him for me.

"You know it's the same for me too, don't you?" I asked him. "There was never anyone else before you. I've never been in love before you, Edward."

"I know, Bella," he all but growled before crashing his lips to mine.

We kissed for a long time, our thoughts and words spinning around in our minds…feeding our love and desire for one another. It was so easy to just get lost in him. I wondered, as his mouth traveled down my neck, if other couples loved like us. Were Alice and Jasper like this…or Rosalie and Emmett? I had never seen love like this. All consuming, with passion and fire and heat and lust. He was just as lost in me as I was him. It had always been this way, and as I held on to him in the middle of a park, for anyone to see…I knew that it would never change.

I would always need him this way.

And he would always need me.

***************

I had to work on Sunday. I pulled into the garage at work and quickly got out of my car, making my way to the elevator. I still felt a sense of unease in there since the attack. I wondered if that fear would ever go away or if I would just have to live with it for the rest of my life. I pushed those thoughts out of my mind when I heard my phone chirp, letting me know I had a text message. Once I was in the elevator, I opened the message up. It was from Michael.

"_Good morning, Bella. Call me when you get to work. There is something we need to discuss."_

When I reached my office I sat down at my desk and called him.

"Hello. Good morning, Bella."

He sounded happy.

"Good morning, Michael. How are you?"

"Fine. I just wanted to remind you of the charity auction and gala this weekend."

"Oh, thank you so much," I told him.

To be honest, I had completely forgotten about it. It was one of the biggest things that Fineley's did every year. I still needed to gather the items that I would be donating for the associate auction.

"I know you've had a lot going on. The store's business has been great. You have one of the highest comp trends in the company right now. That's quite a feat, Ms. Swan."

"Yes, thank you. The team has been working really hard. Thank you for reminding me about the auction. I'll pull some things together this week."

"Just make sure that they get to the corporate office by Wednesday. They are going to do a listing of everything up for bid on the company website."

"No problem," I told him. "I'll get everything together tonight so that I can send it off in the morning."

"Umm…" he started. "How many tickets did you need for the gala? I wasn't sure if you would be bringing someone. You usually come to these things alone."

Well, of course I would be bringing Edward. I hadn't asked him, but I was sure he would want to come. This event was very important to me. I loved all the charitable partners that Fineley's supported and worked with. It was one of the best things about our company. With the work that Edward's family did through The Carlisle Foundation, I was certain that he would be happy to join me. I wondered if I could possibly invite Alice and Jasper and Rosalie and Emmett.

"Well, I'll definitely need two tickets," I said. "Edward will be joining me."

"Oh, you're still seeing him?" he asked.

"Yes," I told him. "And I'm sure he would love this event and the causes it supports. By the way, do you think it would be possible for me to get six tickets?"

"There are still tickets available. Yours would be free because of you association with Fineley's, but the rest would have to be purchased at five-hundred dollars a ticket."

I didn't know anything about anyone's financial situation, but based on what I'd observed with the Cullens, I didn't think five-hundred dollars was going to break any of their bank accounts. Besides, it was supporting several good causes. I would call Alice and Rose as soon as I was done with Michael.

"Go ahead and reserve six for me. I'll call you later to let you know if I need to change the amount."

"Great," he said. "And Bella…I'm looking forward to seeing you again."

"Me too, Michael. Have a nice day."

***************

Saturday found me getting ready for the gala in my apartment. The week had flown by between work and the time I spent with Edward. He had been more than happy to accompany me tonight, as well as everyone else. I was so looking forward to spending the night dancing in his arms. I purchased another Donna Karan dress for the event since the last one had been so successful. It was gold beaded cashmere and I'd found the perfect gold Jimmy Choos to match. I considered donating the one I'd worn the week before, but reconsidered when I remembered the look on Edward's face when he first saw me in that dress. I would definitely be pulling it out again for a repeat performance.

Edward was showering in the spare bathroom while I got ready. While I had enjoyed the 'real date' last week, I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving today. He seemed more than happy to oblige and we curled up on the couch together, wrapped up in each other. He even wore his robe. I wanted to keep him as close as possible since our time together was about to become less frequent with Thanksgiving less than two weeks away.

I couldn't believe that the holiday season was already upon us. I had always loved this time of year, working in retail. I thrived on the energy of the season. Most people complained about not getting to spend as much time with their family, but I had found that the holiday spirit surrounded me in the people that shopped in my stores. It was like Christmas every day. I understood more now than I had before. I would miss my nights with Edward, but I promised myself that I would make time for him. He would be my priority.

I had put on my lace bra and panties and was just adjusting the strap on my heels when Edward walked into my bedroom. I caught his reflection in the mirror of my dresser and the breath I was taking caught in my throat. A white towel was wrapped around his waist and he just stood there…chiseled perfection and smoldering eyes. He was looking at me in the same intense way that I knew I was looking at him.

I turned around slowly, taking in his whole form. Noticing what I was doing, he tugged on the towel and let it drop to the floor, allowing me to see his already throbbing erection.

"Do you see what just the sight of you does to me, Bella?" he asked, his voice rasping.

"I wish you could see what you do to me," I breathed.

He walked slowly across the room, his eyes never once leaving mine. I could feel the pounding in my chest and the whooshing in my ears. When he finally stood directly before me, he reached down, trailing his open palm up the inside of my right thigh, stopping right beneath where I was wet and needing.

"You're right, baby," he murmured, all hot and moist in my ear. "I can't, but I can certainly _feel_ it."

And with those words, he plunged his hand inside my panties, cupping my wet sex.

"Fuck, Bella…you're so fucking wet for me," he rasped.

I reached down and took him in my hand. It was like silk...silk over heat and muscle and blood. I began to stroke him gently and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead into mine.

"How much time do we have?" he asked, his voice gravelly.

"Not enough…we can't be late," I said, but my voice held no persuasion. I wasn't sure I wanted it to.

I was still holing and stroking him with my hand.

"Bella," he said. "Take off your panties and go get on the edge of the bed."

His voice was commanding and so hot, I would have done whatever he told me. I released him from my hand, but not before I swirled my thumb across the tip, spreading the moisture that was seeping out around. He whimpered as I pulled away and when I turned around to do as he told me, I heard him speak again.

"And Bella…leave the shoes on."

I was sitting on the edge of the bed and he was staring at me as he stalked toward me. He ran his hand from the base of my throat down my sternum, between my lace covered breasts and he gently pushed me back. He sunk down between my legs, lifting each stiletto-clad foot to the edge of the mattress and he pushed my legs apart. When I saw what he was doing, I wanted him to stop.

"Baby…no, what about you?"

He took his index finger and slipped it right between my folds, never once touching my clit.

"Bella," he said lowly. "I'm going to lick your pussy until I feel you come against my tongue…and then I'm going to take you…right here on the edge of this bed…with those heels digging into my ass."

He brought his finger up to my mouth and I sucked it, tasting myself and reveling in the fact that he was moments away from tasting me too. He pulled his finger from my mouth and placed both of his hands on the inside of my thighs…holding them open and then I felt his mouth on me.

His tongue went straight to my clit and started circling and pressing and making me come undone. I couldn't focus on anything other than the feel of what he was doing to me. It was hot and wet and sucking and licking. I'm sure I was crying out…it felt like I should be crying out, but all I could do was feel him and what he was doing to me…what he was giving me. He didn't use his fingers, only his mouth and tongue…his hands stayed pressed on my thighs. He pulled back only once, to blow on my clit and when his mouth covered me right after, I came…intensely and immediately.

He didn't even give me a chance to come down before he was standing in front of me. He took the tip of his cock and ran it along the length of my now dripping and quivering flesh. And then, just like he said…he took me. When he pushed into me the first time he told me to wrap my legs around him. I did and from that moment on, he never stopped thrusting. It was fast and it was hard and I clung to his shoulders as he filled me again and again. I screamed out in my orgasm, his name falling from my lips…and when he came…he came, telling me that he loved me. Because it didn't really matter that he had taken me roughly and quickly…it was always about love with Edward whenever he was inside me.

It had been from the very beginning.

***************

I stood next to Alice and Rosalie at the gala, taking in everything. The men had all gone to the bar to get us drinks. As I looked out across the room, I was impressed with how beautiful everything had turned out. The tables were all covered in thick, white linen tablecloths. The flowers were arranged in rich, elegant colors of reds and golds. There were several people I knew mingling throughout the room. I smiled and waved as I would meet their eyes.

I was talking to Alice when I felt someone's hand touch my elbow. I knew right away that it wasn't Edward. I turned and saw Michael standing there in his tux. He looked handsome with his all-American looks and his shining blue eyes. I smiled at him, happy to see him again.

"Bella…umm…wow," he stammered, and I noticed that wasn't like him. "You look fantastic."

"Thank you," I said. "You don't look too bad yourself."

"Are you having a good time?"

"Yes, I am actually."

"Well, I was just wondering if you were going to save me a dance tonight."

I was just about to politely decline when I heard Edward's velvet voice.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Newton," he said, and I knew he wasn't sorry at all. "Bella will only be dancing with me tonight. I'm sure you understand."

He leaned in and pressed his lips to my neck in a silent kiss that spoke volumes.

"Of course," Michael said. "Well, I guess I better make my way around the room. There are always so many people at these things that I have to talk to."

"Don't let us keep you," Edward said with a smile. "I'm sure you're very important."

I shot Edward a scolding glance, mouthing the words, "Be nice." I cringed internally at the dripping sarcasm in his voice, hoping Michael wasn't offended.

"Have a nice evening, Michael," I said sincerely. "It was really good to see you."

"You too, Bella. Enjoy your evening."

When he walked away I scowled at Edward and he chuckled.

"Can you please control your jealousy tonight, Mr. Cullen?" I asked sweetly. "The color green doesn't look good on you…_unless it's in your eyes_."

"Anything for you, love."

"Where are Emmett and Jasper?"

"Still at the bar. I forgot to ask you what you were drinking."

"I'll have a dirty martini," I told him.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"Is that in celebration of what transpired before we came here tonight?"

I blushed madly and he kissed me softly on the lips.

"I'll be right back."

"I told you, Rosalie," I heard Alice saying. "It never stops with the two of them."

Rosalie just laughed and winked at me.

I saw Emmett and Jasper returning with their drinks and I looked over to the bar to find Edward. When I finally saw him, my eyes were assaulted with the sight of another woman's arms wrapped around him. I was instantly jealous. I watched him step back as he smiled down at her. She was gorgeous with her perfect body and long legs and strawberry-blonde hair…and she was a little too familiar with the man that I was in love with. I leaned towards Rose, never taking my eyes from them.

"Rosalie?" I asked. "Who is that with Edward at the bar?"

"Fuck," I heard Emmett say softly and I started to get nervous.

"Don't get upset, Bella," Rosalie said.

"Why should I be upset?" I asked, scared that I already knew the answer.

"That's Edward's ex-girlfriend…Tanya."

_Tanya._

***************

_**A/N**_

_**Reviews are love. Please leave me some.**_

_**Thanks and love to my friend and beta, Marvar. Your encouragement and support continues to amaze me with each passing week. There would be a million too many commas in this story if it weren't for you. I like it when you're brutal.**_

_**Thank you to all of my readers! I adore each and every one of you. Truly.**_

_**As always…my fellow slores. What would I do without our late night and early morning conversations?**_

_**What owns me this week:**_

"_**The Ties That Bind" by yesyov. This story is beautiful and complicated and perfectly written by its lovely author. Please check it out and tell her that cosmo sent you. I promise you'll love it!**_

"_**The University of Edward Masen" by SebastienRobichaud. I keep saying it, because week after week…it simply leaves me breathless.**_

_**xoxo**_


	24. Past and Present

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a "shelf of shame."**_

_**Ask me about it and I'll tell you.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 24

I watched as he looked down at her, Rosalie's admission of who she was still playing in my mind. He was smiling at her as she reached across and touched his arm. My eyes immediately flew to his face to see his reaction and I was saddened and angered that he was still smiling. There wasn't an ounce of discomfort on his face. There was an ease to their interaction, a familiarity that was difficult for me to watch. So difficult, in fact, that I couldn't bear to watch it anymore. I brought my own eyes down to my hands that would have been empty, had they not been awkwardly wringing each other.

I could recognize my response for what it was, though the fact that I knew I was jealous didn't soften the reaction at all. I felt the burning in my chest and every single muscle in my body tense and tighten. I knew it wasn't rational, but I couldn't find the strength inside me to care. He was supposed to be here with me…smiling down at me…touching me. Hadn't he just made a point of that here with Michael? And Michael was a person who, for all intents and purposes, had no romantic history with me at all.

I felt Alice's tiny hand on my elbow. Her hand was surprisingly warm, her touch soothing in a way that can only come from your best friend. I looked down at her and I knew she could read every emotion on my face.

"So," she said, smiling, making me want to smile, too…just because she was. "This is the ex?"

"Apparently," I said with a bitter laugh, hating that I was feeling insecure about Edward and the Amazon goddess that was still fucking touching him.

"You know, Bella, it could be worse."

I laughed because I couldn't think of anything that could be worse in that moment.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically. "Are you sure about that?"

"Did you know Jazz used to be a whore?" she asked and I heard Rosalie snicker to my other side.

"Wow. That was completely random, Alice," I told her. "This is supposed to make me feel better because…"

"It's supposed to make you feel better because at least Edward has only one ex here tonight." She took a drink of her cocktail as she surveyed the entire room. "There are probably twenty-seven women here in this room tonight that Jasper has fucked."

If I'd had a drink at that moment, I would have spit it out. That reminded me that I didn't have a drink…and I didn't have a drink because Edward was still across the room talking to her. That was unacceptable, not because I was jealous, but because he was my date. I turned back to Alice and she was smiling deviously.

"If you will excuse me," I said with as much dignity as I could gather. "I need to go get a drink."

"Do you want me to come with you?" she asked supportively.

"No…I should do this myself."

As I began to make my way across the room, the knots that had formed in my stomach were twisting and turning. I couldn't look at him until I reached the bar, knowing that even though he was standing with another woman, he would still be able to feel my eyes on him. Because even in my aggravated and jealous state, I knew he was still connected to me in a way that he was_ never _connected to her. Once I was close enough, I allowed myself to look at him; almost instantly his green eyes shifted to meet mine. I wasn't prepared for the emotion that I saw in them, I wasn't equipped to handle it.

"Bella, I'm sorry to have kept you waiting, but I ran into Tanya."

He smiled as he spoke, but his voice and eyes were tight. He looked concerned; he looked guilty. It was the guilt that stood out to me the most. I smiled back at him as pleasantly as I could manage.

"How fortuitous for you both," I said, and though my voice sounded normal, I was pushing angry, bitter tears down my throat and it felt like I was swallowing glass.

I looked at Tanya, taking in her appearance up-close for the first time. She was every bit as beautiful as Rosalie, but in a different way. Rose was gorgeous, but with rough edges and biting attitude. Tanya was flawless perfection with sleek curves, all glossy and smooth. She looked at me knowingly before smiling back at Edward. Her smile was sex and chocolate and sensuality was oozing from her perfect skin. Her low-cut, silver dress was expensive, but cheap and I briefly wondered if the dress matched the woman.

It probably did.

I was so focused on the woman standing before me, that I didn't notice Edward lift his hand to touch me. When his fingers brushed the exposed skin of my neck, it startled me and I flinched. His expression darkened at my reaction, but he didn't pull away. Neither did I. I needed his touch…I wanted it, even though I was still angry with him. I was standing in front of this woman that had been a part of his life before me, shared his bed before I had. I wanted him to show her that I was the woman in his life now.

He began to make introductions and I held my breath, wondering what he would say. How would he introduce me?

"Bella, this is Tanya," he said. "Tanya does public relations for of one of the charities being supported here tonight."

I smiled and nodded at her, damned if I was going to allow her to see one bit of my discomfort.

"Tanya," he said, looking down at me and pressing his fingers into the sloped curve of my neck. "This is my Bella."

"Bella," she purred, her voice was thick and sweet like honey. "It's a pleasure to meet you. Edward always has the most _interesting_ friends."

Her eyes gleamed as she goaded me with words that were full of malevolent implication. I had been unsure up until that point about the beautiful woman standing before me, but that was no longer the case. She was insolent at best, but as I let her backhanded comment sink in, I realized…that Tanya was a bitch. Nothing more, nothing less.

"I'm sure he does," I responded honestly. "But, I am not his friend." I saw Edward smile out of the corner of my eye, but I refused to look at him, instead, I continued to hold her gaze as her eyes widened slightly. "I am his date, but how could you possibly know that?" I looked up at Edward then, giving him a knowing look of my own before turning back to Tanya. I smiled at her as genuinely as possible. "If you will excuse me, I'm going to get a drink since he's been too distracted to get one for me. It's been a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure was all mine, Bella," she said.

I turned to walk away, his hand slipping from my neck. I tried to ignore the loss of the energy I felt when he was touching me. And even though I knew he loved me, and even though I knew he had _never_ loved her, I was upset and hurt and angry and jealous. And none of those were emotions that I was capable of dealing with at the moment.

"Bella, I'll come with you," he said smoothly.

_Now?_

_You want to come with me now?_

I stopped sharply on my heel, turning back to look at him. His emerald eyes were deep lagoons of apology and regret, murky with the words he wasn't able to say.

Not then.

Not in front of her.

"No, that's alright, Edward," I said in a surprisingly effortless tone, reaching up to touch his face. I was comforted by the way his cheek instinctively pressed into my palm. "You finish catching up with Tanya, and I will see you in a bit."

And with that, I turned and walked to the bar.

***************

I took the olives that were speared on the toothpick from my now empty martini glass and put them in my mouth. They were salty like the tears I wouldn't allow myself to cry and somehow, I found comfort in that. I looked out and watched as Alice and Jasper danced together, looking happy and completely in love. Rosalie and Emmett were on the dance floor as well, and the sound of Frank Sinatra singing "The Way You Look Tonight" filled the room. With trepidation, my eyes looked across the room and into the eyes that I had felt on me for the last twenty minutes. I didn't need to seek him out…I knew exactly where he was.

He had left Tanya almost immediately after I walked away from them. I knew he felt guilty, and to be honest, I wanted him to feel that way. And for that, I was ashamed. A million silent thoughts passed between us and I knew that we needed to be alone to speak them out loud. I was about to stand up when I heard Michael's voice from behind.

"I thought that you were going to be taken all night, tonight."

He chuckled softly as he took the seat next to me.

I thought about his words and then I thought about what I would have wanted Edward to say to Tanya, if she had been the one to make that comment. I knew it wasn't the same, of course. Michael didn't have romantic feelings for me, but I also knew that Edward felt threatened by him for some reason. And because of that reason…and the understanding that I would never want Edward to feel as disappointed and insecure as I had felt tonight, I responded to him.

"Just because I'm alone, doesn't mean that I'm not taken, Michael."

I picked up my clutch and stood to leave, turning back to him.

"Thank you for helping me realize that."

I looked back across to Edward as I circled around the bar. My heart was pounding in my chest and I needed to be with him, but I couldn't go to him. After what had happened, I needed him to come to me. His eyes held mine long enough for me to show him that I wasn't walking toward him, but I wasn't walking away from him either.

He could come to me.

He could follow me.

I wanted him to follow me…to choose me.

I walked out into the courtyard of the hotel, not even feeling the cold night air on my bare and exposed arms. I found an iron bench and I sat down, waiting for him.

I wasn't waiting very long before I saw his moving shadow through the pale moonlight shining across the yard. It was only moments actually. I looked up at him and though it was dark, I could still see the chiseled features of his perfect face.

He looked at me wearily, as if he were tired, but the crease in his brow, the anxious way in which he ran his hand through his hair and the overall tense state of his posture painted a very different picture. He was on edge…he was nervous. I looked at the empty space on the bench next to me, hoping that he would sit down. As if on cue, he did just that. I wondered if I should speak first, but I decided that it had to be him.

He had to choose.

I had already chosen.

The silence of the night hung heavy between us, like a drape or a shroud, covering the emotions that we were both feeling. But they were still there and even though they were veiled, they were still living and breathing and raw. I shivered in response to the thought…or to the cold. I couldn't tell which at that point.

"It's too cold for you to be out here," he said, finally ending the painful quiet. "You should be surrounded by warmth."

"I don't mind," I said. Honestly, there was no other place that I wanted be than next him. Even if it was in the cold. His very presence warmed and soothed me even though I was still very angry and terribly hurt.

I watched as he slipped off the jacket to his tuxedo, holding it out to me like an offering.

"Will you at least wear this, Bella?" he asked. "I don't want you to get sick."

I nodded my head as he wrapped me in the warmth of his jacket, inhaling so deeply that I could almost taste his scent. He didn't remove his arms from around me and I found myself leaning into him, laying my head on his shoulder. His entire body relaxed at my gesture.

"I'm sorry," he murmured into my hair. "I'm sorry about Tanya."

"Edward," I said, pulling back a little so that I could see his face. He loosened his hold on me a bit, but not completely. "I don't think you should be sorry for running into someone from your past. I understand that might happen from time to time, as uncomfortable as that might be."

I sighed loudly, trying to calm down. I wanted us to talk this out. I needed him to understand why I felt the way I felt.

"Tell me," he said, his voice almost pleading. "I know I hurt you."

"Yes, exactly. _You_ hurt me." My voice was a little louder than before. I took a deep breath, trying to figure out how to explain it to him. "Do you remember the night that you saw me in the bar with Michael?"

He tensed at my words and swallowed loudly…and I knew he remembered exactly what I was talking about.

"Yes," he said shortly and I could hear the tension in his voice.

"_That feeling_," I said to him. "That feeling that you felt that night…that…that jealousy that you're still feeling…_even now_. Well that's the same thing that I was feeling as I watched you with her."

I looked at him and his expression broke my heart, but I knew I needed to get this out into the space between us. Otherwise it would just eat away at me and I didn't want this to linger between us.

"And it wasn't that you were with her that got to me, Edward. It was that you stayed! Not for a moment, but for a while. It was long enough for me to have a whole conversation with Alice. We had a whole conversation while I watched her touching you and you looking like it was the most familiar and comfortable goddamned thing in the world!"

I was getting worked up and I bit my bottom lip hard to keep it from quivering. I was on the verge of tears and I didn't want to cry. I refused to fucking cry. I breathed in through my nose and exhaled shakily through my mouth.

"You didn't even pull away from her," I added weakly.

"Bella, I'm so sorry that you felt that way," he said, his voice thick with emotion and regret. "The whole time I was with her, all I could think was that you were across the room and I wanted to be with you."

"Then why didn't you?" I challenged him. "Why didn't you walk away from her and come to be with me?"

"Fuck." he said, his hands scrubbing his face. "I don't know why I didn't do that. I wish I had…you have to know…you have to believe me when I tell you that I wish I had. I was just caught so off guard, Bella. Really, I just didn't expect her to be there."

As I listened to him talk about her, I got nervous. What if there had been more to their relationship than he had told me about? What if he had actually been in love with her? I thought back over his words from our picnic the week before. He had told me that he wasn't in love with her…that he never had been. But, what if he was just telling me that so as not to hurt me? Could he have been in love with her? My mind was racing with too many questions. It was making me dizzy just thinking about it.

I looked at the man next to me…holding me…loving me. I knew there was truth in that. Yes, I knew that Edward was in love with me. I could feel it in everything about him. His love for me was real and deep and palpable.

He brought his hands up to my face, cupping my cheeks on both sides and pulled me to him, placing gentle kisses on and around my mouth.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered through his kisses. "I love you so fucking much that it hurts."

His lips were pressed against mine, but not moving. We were simply there together, taking in each other's breaths like it was air. Our hearts were thrumming together, holding the same time and I knew that he was the one for me, and me for him. But I had to know…had she been the one before me. Did she hold some connection to him that I was unaware of?

"I want to ask you a question," I whispered against his lips. "And I want you to know that you can be honest with me. It won't change anything, but I need to know."

He pressed his lips to mine in one last kiss. His lips were cold, but his tongue was hot as he slowly licked my bottom lip. He pulled back to look at me before telling me, "Anything, Bella. I will tell you anything."

_Anything._

_He would give me anything._

_Anything._

_He would tell me anything._

_Anything._

"Did you love her?" I asked, terrified. "Were you in love with her?"

He looked at me and his eyes were tender, but his expression was fierce.

"No." He pulled me into a deep and burning kiss. "Never."

"I love you, Edward," I told him, choked up. "And if you love me so much that it hurts, then you should know that I love you so much that it scares me."

He pulled me to him, crushing my body against his chest, wrapping me up inside his arms.

"Why does it scare you?"

"Because I need you so much now, that I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you."

He raised up from the bench, pulling me up with him as he stood, holding me like that for the longest time. When he finally pulled back to look at me, his expression was nearly my undoing. Passion and love and desire and heat were emanating from his eyes, pouring out of his soul.

"You will never lose me, Bella," he told me roughly. "Ever."

"I believe you."

It was all I said.

But, it was enough.

Because I did.

***************

Edward and I walked back into the gala, his hand holding mine, his thumb drawing circles on my palm. There was something soothing about that gesture. I scanned the room and found the group at a table. We walked over to join them and Alice gave a sympathetic smile, understanding what had happened without me having to say a word. Unfortunately, Emmett was not blessed with the same gift.

"Man," he said to Edward. "Fucking Tanya."

"Emmett, shut the fuck up," Rosalie said, scolding him. I couldn't help but laugh.

Edward looked down at me as I giggled and the first genuine smile I'd seen since the beginning of the evening crossed his face.

"I believe we still have some time for a dance, Ms. Swan," he murmured in my ear.

"I would love to dance with you, Mr. Cullen."

He led me onto the dance floor, Roberta Flack's voice drifting over us as she sang "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face."

It was perfect.

He pulled me close to him, placing his hand on the small of my back and clasping my hand in his. I was reminded of the first time that we danced together in the private dining room. And even though we were surrounded by so many other people, when I looked up at him, he was the only person in the room. I pressed my head against his chest and he pulled me closer and I let the words of the song fill my mind while Edward filled my heart.

"_The first time ever I saw your face  
I thought the sun rose in your eyes  
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave  
To the dark and the empty skies my love"_

"This song is appropriate for us, don't you think?" he whispered in my ear as he led and circled me across the floor.

I felt so much surer of myself this time, remembering how I had trembled in his arms that night, afraid that I would fall. Now I trembled from his touch, hungered for his kiss.

"I think it is appropriate for us," I agreed. "I'll never forget the first time I saw your face, Edward."

"Nor will I forget yours, love," he said as he pressed a kiss to my temple. "Your face changed my life that night."

"_You've_ changed my life, Edward."

"_The first time ever I kissed your mouth  
I felt the earth move through my hand  
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird  
That was there at my command my love"_

"Thanksgiving is coming up soon," he said looking down at me. "I'd like for you to spend it with me and my family…if you wanted to, that is."

"I would love nothing more than to spend Thanksgiving with your family, Edward. Thank you."

"They're your family now, too, you know."

He nodded his head in the direction of his Emmett and Rose and I looked next to them, as well, at Alice and Jasper. They really were like family and I was a little overwhelmed for a moment at what that actually felt like. To have family now, when I'd really had no one close to call family for the longest time, was more than I could have hoped for. I felt tears well in my eyes and I laid my head back on his chest, not wanting him to see me cry again.

"They love you, Bella."

"I love them, too, but none of that matters as long as _you_ love me."

"I do, Bella," he murmured. "I love you."

"_The first time ever I lay with you  
And felt your heart so close to mine  
The first time ever I saw your face"_

I could have stayed with him, in his arms like that all night. It was the perfect way to end our evening and I was so happy that we were ending it this way…in each other's arms.

"Bella," he whispered as the song was ending. "In case I didn't tell you earlier, you were stunning tonight."

As I looked at him, I wanted nothing more than for him to take me home. I needed to feel him moving inside of me. I needed to feel the full weight of his body pressing into mine. I needed to hear his whisper words of love and forever in my ear.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Take me home and make love to me," I told him desperately, searching his eyes. "I need you to show me what it means when you tell me that you love me so much that it hurts."

His eyes grew smoky and dark at my works and he kissed me passionately in the middle of the dance floor. I didn't care if anyone was watching…I wanted them to see.

"Oh, Bella," he told me rough and low in my ear. "I'm going to make love to you, but I'm not taking you home."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm taking you upstairs."

***************

He led me into the spacious suite, but I couldn't see anything but him. Everything else in the room fell away and vanished as if it were nothing. All I could see were his smoldering green eyes and the love that they held for me. I wanted him to make love to me. I didn't want to fuck and I didn't want to play…I needed him to love me, connect with me, show me that I was his and he was mine.

That there _was never_ and _would never_ be anyone but me for him.

"Bella," he whispered my name. There was such devotion in his voice, it was as if he were praying…like I was a goddess and he was here to worship, offering himself to me in supplication.

"Please," I whimpered, and as the emotion of the night washed over me, a single tear escaped my eye and fell silently down my cheek.

He lifted me up into his arms, cradling me against himself as I wrapped my arms around his neck. He walked us slowly to the bedroom, murmuring in my ear beautiful words of love and adoration. He knew without asking how I needed him, what I needed from him. And he was the only person…the only man…that I would ever need like this.

He gently placed me on the floor beside the bed and reached behind me to unzip my dress. As he lifted it over my head, he spoke in gentle whispers.

"I love you, Bella…I adore you…I need you and want you…"

He undressed me completely, running his hands along my back, dragging his fingers across my ribs. He lowered his head and kissed my breasts taking each nipple into his mouth, sucking and circling their sensitive buds with his tongue. He lifted me once again, placing me on the bed, taking in my naked form as if it were the first time he'd ever seen me.

"You are the most beautiful creature in the world, Bella," he murmured. "Your body was made for mine."

I watched in awe as he undressed, staring intensely at the perfect man before me.

"Edward…you…you're…my god, you're perfect."

He crawled on the bed, his legs on either side of mine, looking down at me before placing a kiss at the base of my throat.

"Shhh, love…no" he spoke against my neck. "If there is any perfection in me, it is because you make it so, Bella."

He brought his lips to my mouth and kissed me…wetly…deeply…thoroughly.

"The perfection is in you, Bella."

He trailed hot kisses down my chest and across my abdomen, his tongue tracing circles around my navel. He lifted my leg and pulled to his side and then repeated the same process with the other one. He positioned himself between them on his knees. I was open for him, parted for him…ready for him.

"There will never be another, Bella…only you," he whispered as he leaned over me. "There will only ever be you for me."

His words were too beautiful…too much. And though I needed to hear them…they overwhelmed and flooded my mind.

"I love you, Edward," I whispered back. "Please…love me."

"I always have."

He positioned himself before me and when he finally pushed inside, his eyes connected with mine and, not once, for the rest of the night, did we ever look away.

***************

_**A/N**_

_**Reviews are love. Please leave me some.**_

_**Thank you to Marvar for basically holding my hand through the angst in this chapter and for telling me that it was okay to write an Edward that wasn't perfect and who occasionally fucks up. (We all do.) I don't know what I would have done without your support this week, Sweets! The late night texts, the last minute edits and just your overall awesomeness in general is more than I could ever ask for.**_

_**Once again…I have the best and most supportive readers in the world! I love each and every one of you! Your kind words and encouragement make my days better! Thank you for the love.**_

_**My slores…my slores! You guys rock!!**_

_**(Brooke, this one was for you. I'm sure you know why.)**_

_**P.S.**_

_**EPOV Outtake is posted under My Stories. If you haven't read it yet…you should.**_

"_**The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" lyrics by: Ewan McColl**_


	25. The Longest Week

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own seventeen teapots, but only ever use one.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 25

I woke up before the alarm clock on Monday morning. Edward was pressed up against me and I was surrounded by his warmth. I realized very quickly, that I wasn't just surrounded by warmth, I was surrounded by heat. Edward was hot. Truly, the heat was searing and it was radiating from his body like an open fire. He was murmuring and moving fitfully in his sleep. I carefully extracted myself from his arms and turned around to look at him. He had dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept well the night before and his hair and face were damp with sweat. I pressed the back of my hand to his damp forehead and I knew he had a fever.

I slid from the bed, quietly, so as not to wake him. I made my way into the bathroom and pulled a washcloth from the linen closet. I pulled a thermometer from the medicine cabinet along with some ibuprofen and I ran cool water over the washcloth, wringing it out. When I came back to the bed, I carefully sat down on the edge and began wiping his forehead with the cool cloth, running it down along his throat and the back of his neck. The pressure must have woken him up, because his eyes fluttered open and tried to focus.

"What's going on?" he asked in a raspy and scratchy voice.

"You're hot," I told him.

"Well, I could have told you that, love," he chided and I couldn't help but giggle.

"I'm glad to see your fever hasn't affected your sense of humor, Edward," I told him, looking down at his face and sweeping my thumb lightly across the line of his cheekbone. "How are you feeling?"

He shivered in response to the cool cloth pressing into the back of his neck and I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead, his skin hot against my lips. I figured that I'd spent the entire night with him around me, if I was going to get sick too, that damage would have already been done.

"My throat is sore," he said, still rasping. "Why is it so cold in here?"

"It's not cold, baby. I think you have a fever." I reached over to the nightstand and picked up the thermometer. "Let me take your temperature."

"Like a nurse?" he asked with a smirk. "Mmm…Nurse Bella."

"If that helps you," I said dryly, smiling down at him. "Come on, now. Open your mouth and lift up your tongue."

"Bella," he said. "I can take my own temperature."

"I know you can," I told him. "But why should you have to when _Nurse Bella_ is here to take care of you?"

He opened his mouth, lifting up his tongue and I slipped the digital thermometer in. His hand reached across and wrapped around my waist as I leaned over him, gently pushing his damp hair from his face. His eyes were soft and wide as he looked at me and I wondered what it was that he was thinking about. When the thermometer beeped, I pulled it from his lips and his temperature was high at 101.4.

"Baby, you have a fever," I said, reaching for the ibuprofen and shaking two pills out of the bottle. I grabbed the bottle of water that was already on the table and handed it to him. "Take these for me."

He did as he was asked, but continued to look at me with the same wide eyes. I couldn't help but think about how beautiful they were, even though they were surrounded by dark circles.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked him gently.

He looked at me, his face full of emotion and something else, something deeper.

"I was thinking about how you're taking care of me," he said, pausing, as if he were considering his words carefully. "And I was thinking that I don't deserve it." His voice was so soft and quiet as he made his admission.

I looked at him darkly for a moment, before consciously changing my expression to one of love and reproach.

"You do," I whispered. "Why do you think that you don't?"

I knew he was feeling guilty about Saturday night. Even after he made the sweetest love to me…I could still feel it lingering between us, hanging stale and heavy in the air.

"Bella," he said, his face contorting in pain as his voice cracked. "I have never deserved you."

"Shh…" I whispered. "Don't talk." I took the bottle from his hand and placed it back on the table. "It wasn't that long ago that you took care of me. Let me take care of you."

I wanted to lean down and kiss him, but I thought better of it. There was no need to tempt fate and I wasn't sick yet. So, I settled for stroking his cheek again softly, while trying to convey all the love I felt for him with my eyes.

"Will you be okay for a little while if I run out?" I asked him.

"I'll be fine, Bella," he whispered. "Don't you have to work today?"

"I am supposed to work and I do need to go into the store, but I'm not going to stay. I'll take a personal day."

As I said the words, I felt a pang of anxiety in my chest. I had never taken a scheduled day off this close to Thanksgiving. There was still so much that needed to be accomplished before Black Friday, but as I looked at Edward, sick and lying in my bed, for the first time ever in my career, I wanted to take a day off. I wanted to be there to take care of him.

"I'll just be gone for an hour or two. You can sleep while I'm gone. Also, I'm going to call your father and let him know you're sick. You could have an infection and need antibiotics."

"You don't need to call my father, Bella," he whispered loudly. "I'm sure I'm going to be fine. I just need to rest and…_maybe_…maybe a session with Nurse Bella." He laughed and the laughter quickly turned into coughing.

"_See_?" I asked him. "Do you see why I am calling your father? You are sick, Edward."

He nodded in agreement but grumbled to himself. Unable to stop myself, I pressed a kiss to his forehead as he closed his eyes.

***************

I called Carlisle on my way into work, letting him know that Edward was sick and what his symptoms were. He said that it was probably the flu, but that since he had a fever, he wanted to come by and check on him. I gave him the address to my building and told him that I would call the front desk so that they would let him in. When I arrived at the store, my phone rang. I answered it quickly, not bothering to look at the screen, thinking it might be Edward.

"Hello."

"Good morning, Bella. How are you?"

"Good morning, Michael. I'm good. Yourself?"

"Very well, thank you. I have some important information to go over with you."

"Great," I said. "Let me hear it."

"This is really big, Bella," he said in a serious tone of voice.

I'm not sure why, but I got a pang of anxiety at his words. He'd sounded so intense, which was unlike Michael. He was extremely professional, but there was always an air of lightness about him. It was what made him such a good leader. He tended to put people at ease, simply by his demeanor.

"Alright," I said hesitantly. "Tell me this big news."

"A week from tomorrow, Felix Guard will be in your store with three other principals to walk the set-up for Black Friday. He also wants to ask you some questions about the fourth-quarter strategy that you presented at the GM Meeting."

"Felix Guard?" I asked. "The CEO of Stores and member of the board, Felix Guard?"

"Yes. Like I said…big news."

This wasn't just big news. This was _huge_ news. I'd never had a visit of this magnitude in one of my stores. Not even as an ASM when I was reporting to Michael. My mind suddenly went into business mode and I began thinking about everything that would need to be done for this visit. I didn't even know if it was possible to be ready for Felix Guard this close to Thanksgiving. I was making mental lists and planning out the next eight days of my life when Michael interrupted my thoughts.

"We will, of course, be sending you the entire visual team from the region to help you prepare."

"Oh, Michael, that's wonderful news. I didn't know if we would have been able to handle it on our own," I said gratefully. "Will you be here for the visit as well?"

"Not only that, I'll be working in your store for the next week to ensure that everything is set and ready for the visit. I hope you won't mind the additional help," he said with a laugh. "This is a big visit for the region, as well."

"I won't mind the additional help at all."

"Should I be nervous about this visit, Michael?" I asked. I was aware that visits like these were generally made to struggling stores that were not making plan and whose locations were not profitable.

"Not at all," he said and I could hear the smile in his voice. "The downtown store has made a complete turnaround since you took over as the General Manager. You have one of the highest trends in total company right now and if you have a solid fourth quarter, you'll be ahead of the original profit forecast that you initially outlined for the store when you were promoted. They're not coming because you're doing poorly, Bella. They're coming because you're doing well."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me, Bella," he said softly. "We've been over this. This is your success. Own it."

"Yes, sir."

"I'll be in this afternoon we can go over your plan for the next week," he said and I immediately felt guilty. I wasn't going to be here this afternoon. "I know you've already started planning in your head."

"Well, yes…I have already started forming a plan," I said, laughing nervously, hoping that he wasn't going to be upset when I told him that I was taking the day off. "Michael, listen. I'm not going to be here this afternoon."

"What do you mean?" he asked. "Weren't you just off this weekend?"

"I…uh...yes, I was."

"Bella, is something wrong?" he asked, sounding concerned.

"Michael, Edward is sick," I said directly, quickly. "I'm actually taking the day off. I just came into the store this morning to walk recovery from the weekend and meet with Tyler about merchandise flow for the upcoming week."

"You're taking the day off because Edward is sick." It wasn't a question and his voice was even, generic.

"Yes," I said, trying to match his tone, but really feeling defensive about his statement. "Is there something you'd like to say about that?" I ask, unable to stop myself.

"No, Bella. It is your choice to take the day off if you choose to. It's why the company offers benefit days." He sounded like someone from human resources…cold and emotionless, rattling off information as if it were from a script of talking points. It made me uncomfortable and angry. And in the four years I'd worked for Michael, I'd never really felt either of those things.

"Don't do that, Michael," I said. "Don't talk to me as if I were some hourly associate calling out because I'm too hungover to come into work and _don't_ quote policy to me as if I don't know the policies of this company just as well as you."

There was a brief silence in our conversation. I waited for him to speak, knowing I had already said enough.

"Can I be honest with you?" he asked.

"Of course."

"Well, Bella," he said. "What do you want me to say? I've just told you that you have an extremely important visit coming up and it's not just important for the store…it's important for you…for your career. And you are telling me that you're taking the day off so that you can take care of your _boyfriend_."

His words cut through me like broken glass against my skin. How dare he basically accuse me of not doing what was right for my store, or my career? I had always done substantially more than what was expected of me, but with his words, he'd placed a shadow of guilt over me. I began to question myself. Was I doing the right thing by leaving the store? Should I have stay and work like Michael clearly expected me to? And then I thought of Edward, and it only took that one thought…that one vision coming to my mind, for me to know the choice I had to make. I pictured Edward lying in my bed that morning, his wide and expressive green eyes filled with the thought that he didn't deserve me. In that moment, I knew. I knew that he was more important than pleasing Michael, more important than any visitor that was coming. He was the most important thing to me now…the most important thing to me ever.

And so I gave Michael my answer.

Swiftly and soundly.

"That is exactly what I am telling you," I said in a voice that sounded as decided as I felt. "And in the future, Mr. Newton, I would greatly appreciate your not referencing my personal life or the people in it. If I should choose to take a personal day that the company has provided as a benefit to me, my reasons for taking that day are exactly that…_personal_."

"Bella," he said my name and before I could decide whether he sounded angry or apologetic, I cut him off.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go now. I will be available for you to contact through email today should you need to," I said shortly. "I will see you in the morning and I'll plan on working all day."

I hung up the phone before he had a chance to say anything else.

***************

By the time I made it home, I was still fuming about everything that had transpired between Michael and me. I took several deep breaths, trying to calm and center myself. I didn't want Edward to know that anything had happened. It would only serve to make him feel guilty and this wasn't his fault. He couldn't help the fact that he was sick and ultimately, this had been my choice. I made the decision to be here with him…and even though there were traces of anxiety still remaining inside me, I knew that I wouldn't have made a different choice.

I walked into the apartment, placing a few bags on the counter in the kitchen. I had stopped off at the grocery store to get ingredients for chicken soup, along with some orange juice, tea and some sports drinks. I figured that Edward would need to keep hydrated, especially if he had the flu. I walked toward my bedroom to check on him and I heard Carlisle's voice coming from inside the room. I was relieved that he was there to make sure that Edward was okay and I hoped that Edward wasn't contagious. The door was cracked and as I put my hand on the door knob to push it open, I heard Carlisle speak to Edward in a very low, but serious tone.

"The decisions you're making are not just affecting you, they're affecting your family."

I paused, not wanting to interrupt. I wanted to walk away – I should have, but shamefully, I stayed and listened. Edward spoke then, his voice still broken and hoarse.

"I know, Dad. But, I don't know what to do."

"You know what you need to do, son. I trust that you'll make the right decision, but I am only giving you until Thanksgiving weekend."

There was a long pause and no other words were spoken between them. I should have walked away, pushed the door open to make my presence known…something…anything. I couldn't, though. I stood there, frozen, with my hand still on the door and my feet unwilling to move an inch. Carlisle spoke again.

"When will Bella be back?"

"She said a couple of hours, so I'm guessing anytime now."

"You love her." Carlisle said.

It was a statement, rather than a question…made as if he knew it to be true with no doubt or hesitation. The way he said it made me smile, but not as much as what Edward said next.

"Yes," he said. "I love her more than anything."

I felt like I was floating at his words and I had a swelling in my chest that was filled with a heart that loved him just the same. I knew Edward loved me…_had always known it on some level_. Even in the beginning. But, there was something about the way his father knew and the way Edward just declared his feelings for me with no question, without a single shred of uncertainty. It reaffirmed everything that my heart was already convinced of. Guilt darkened my joy at his words as I remembered that I was listening in on a conversation that wasn't meant for me to hear. I quickly stepped away from the door and headed back out into the kitchen, not wanting them to know that I had been listening.

When Carlisle found me in the kitchen I was boiling water in a teakettle.

"Bella, dear," he said. "How are you?"

I turned around and smiled at him, wondering briefly if he could see the guilt on my face. I had never been good at hiding anything. His face was soft and warm and his own returning smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. Everything about Carlisle exuded kindness and sincerity. It was probably what made him such a good doctor.

"I'm good," I responded, before getting too wrapped up in my thoughts. "How is he?"

"He's fine. He has the flu, but if he gets plenty of rest and stays hydrated, I'm sure it won't turn into a sinus infection."

"Does that happen a lot?" I asked, concerned.

"It can," he confirmed. "Especially if the person doesn't take care of themselves…Edward has been known to push himself too much on occasion, but it seems like he has someone to keep him in line now." He gave me a thankful smile.

"I promise to make him rest, Dr. Cullen."

"You do that, Bella," he said. "And, Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for calling me this morning…and well, for everything else."

***************

I walked into the bedroom carrying the cup of tea that I had made for Edward. He was curled on his side, the blanket and sheets thrown haphazardly across his lower body. His hands were tucked under his check and he almost looked like a sleeping child. I quietly placed the tea on the nightstand and went into the bathroom, changing out of my suit and wrapping myself up in Edward's robe. I walked back over to the bed and crawled in on my side, making sure to be careful not to wake him up. I turned on my side, angling myself toward him and I watched him sleep.

As I lay there watching him, it occurred to me that for the first time in my adult life, I had made a conscious decision to choose my personal life over my professional one. If I was really being honest with myself, I would have admitted that I'd never really had much of a personal life. My job had always been my life. Everything had always been black and white. I needed my job to provide for myself. But, not only that, I needed to be successful…wanted it…craved it for the financial security that it provided.

I was lost in my train of thought when Edward shifted imperceptibly closer to me and drew my attention back to him. Edward was vivid color. When he came into my life, I wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotion and change that came with him. I wasn't prepared for it, but I had embraced it. The two were now blending and bleeding together. The vibrant greens and the copper of Edward were mixing with the black and white of everything before him. And I knew in that moment, that my life was better with the color. My life was better with him…and I would _always_ choose him over everything else.

And with that thought, I gently pushed his hair from his face and let go of all the anxiety I'd felt over my choice…because there had never really been a choice to begin with.

There was only him.

***************

The next morning I was up and ready for work by six-fifteen. As I walked from the bathroom, Edward said my name.

"Bella." His voice was still raspy and I would be lying if I said that I didn't find it completely sexy.

"Good morning, baby," I whispered, leaning over to give him a kiss.

"Good morning."

He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me down so that I was sitting next to him on the bed.

"I hope you're staying home again today."

"Uh…yeah…I was," he said. "Still feeling a little tired."

"I'll be gone all day," I told him. "Really…I won't be home until tonight."

"Is that many hours really necessary?" he asked as he took my hand and played with my fingers.

"Yes," I told him. "This is really big, Edward. And it could potentially mean more and better things for me."

"And it's going to be like this all week?"

I loved that he was going to miss me so much. But, really, this was just a precursor for what it was going to be like until after Christmas. I knew that if we could make it through the stress of this week, we would be able to handle the following five weeks, too.

"Yes…but I promise to come home to you every night and make love to you in this bed."

"Fuck," he whispered and I smiled.

"Feel better," I whispered. "I'll call you later."

"Bella, thank you for yesterday…for…for everything."

"You're welcome," I said. "Maybe Nurse Bella could make another appearance when you're not actually sick."

He moaned and I kissed him once more before standing up. His hands hooked in the waist of my pants before sliding over my hips and down the back of my thighs.

"I love you," he said low and rough.

"I know."

_More than anything. _

I walked into the store, nervous and fidgeting. I saw Michael's car in the parking garage when I'd pulled in. It was seven and I thought I would arrive before him. Clearly, I had been mistaken. I hadn't given him another thought after my epiphany yesterday and he hadn't tried to contact me via email. I was hoping that we could move past our disagreement. The truth was that I loved working for Michael. He had always been a great boss. I had often joked over our four years together that I would work for him anywhere, in any capacity. He had always been good to me and had always looked out for my best interest professionally. I didn't want our working relationship to change just because I had other priorities now.

I walked into my office, placing my bag and phone on my desk. I turned to head to the conference room where I knew he would be waiting, bracing myself for our inevitable and uncomfortable conversation. When I got to the door, he was standing there waiting for me, is expression was serious.

"Bella, can we talk?"

"Of course."

We walked back into my office and sat down at my desk. I wasn't sure if I should talk first, so I decided to let him lead the conversation. I looked across to him and waited for him to speak. He looked back at me, contemplative, his brows furrowed as if he if he were trying to think of what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry for the way I behaved yesterday, Bella."

Okay. That wasn't exactly what I was expecting to hear from him, but I was glad to hear him say it and I relaxed at his words and the gesture.

"Thank you, Michael," I said. "That means a great deal to me."

"Good. I'm glad."

"While I'm sorry for the way things ended between us yesterday, I can't apologize for what I said," I told him, looking at him directly. "I would say it again."

His expression softened and he finally looked like the man I had known for so long. He smiled at me in apology before speaking to me again.

"Bella, I had no right to question your dedication to this job yesterday." He picked up one of my business cards from my desk and began to twist it in his fingers. "You have never disappointed me. Not once in four years."

"Thank you," I said again. "This week will be no different. I assure you."

He smiled at me, a genuine smile that lit up his blue eyes.

"Are we good?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"Yeah," I said, smiling back. "Just don't let it happen again."

"Okay," he said. "Tell me your plan, put me to work."

And I did.

***************

The next seven days were a blur of hard work and preparation. I was drinking more coffee than I had any right to. My body was exhausted and energized at the same time. It was a strange and complex feeling. Michael was a tremendous help in getting the store 'visit-ready'. His knowledge and experience were more beneficial than I could have imagined. I found it interesting to look at the store through his eyes. He was able to see things that I had missed because I saw them every day. He was able to point out opportunities that I wouldn't have really thought of and I knew that came his years of experience. I found that we worked as well together now as we did when I was his Assistant Store Manager.

Edward was a dream the whole week, too. He never once complained about the long hours, but he was adamant about taking me to dinner away from the store every night. They were these perfect little hours that we were able to spend together, sharing a meal and our time. He had been right, of course. Taking the time away from the store everyday helped me to stay focused while I was there and working. I kept my promise to him, as well…making love to him each and every night until we collapsed together exhausted and spent in each other's arms. I found that it wasn't even about him so much as it was about me…the connection that I needed to have with him.

Yeah.

Every night.

I didn't miss one.

By the time Monday rolled around, I was completely fatigued and moody. We had a conference call at three with the corporate partners to go over the agenda for the next day. They would be arriving at the airport at seven and be in the store by no later than eight. Felix had a list of requirements that he expected to have for breakfast. He wanted two yogurts - one peach and one strawberry. He wanted a platter of fresh fruit made up of only pineapple, strawberries, orange slices and cantaloupe. He wanted a specific kind of organic coffee with raw sugar and half and half creamer and to top off his list, he wanted six bottles of Fiji water - three chilled and three at room temperature. When they gave me the list, I looked at Michael, rolling my eyes.

They would be in the store from eight until three. I would make my presentation while they ate breakfast, then he would do a brief overview of business with my executive team prior to the stores opening. We would walk the entire store from ten until one and then finish with a lunch meeting about event execution and holiday strategy. Michael told me that these types of visits were extremely regimented and rarely strayed from the agenda. We were as ready as we could be. There wasn't one surface in the store that was sparkling. There wasn't one fixture that wasn't sized and stylized. They would simply not be able to find anything wrong.

As Michael and I made our way to our cars that evening, he stopped me by my car, touching my elbow. I turned around to face him and he stood there, quietly, awkwardly.

"Michael?" I asked. "Did you need something?"

"I…uh...I just…I wanted to tell you thank you, Bella."

"I should be the one who's thanking you," I told him honestly. "I don't know what I would have done without your help this week."

"You would have been great, Bella. Just like you always are."

"Well, I really appreciate that, but I know that I wouldn't have been able to do it without you and the support of the regional team."

"We do make a good team, don't we?"

"I think we do."

He looked like he wanted to say something else, standing there just looking at me. There was something in his eyes. Maybe gratitude? Maybe pride? I couldn't be sure. The grateful part of me wanted to ask him to dinner to tell him thank you, but the selfish part of me could think of nothing, but Edward. It was the first time in over a week that I was leaving the store at a decent hour and the only thoughts that my mind could form were spending the night with him.

In his arms.

In our bed.

"You must be about to collapse," he said, pulling me from my thoughts. "Please, go home. Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

"Thank you, Michael. I'll see you in the morning."

I got into my car and before I ever pulled out of the parking spot, I sent Edward a text.

_"Leaving work now. Where are you?"_

His response was immediate and direct.

_"I'll meet you at your apartment in twenty minutes."_

I was standing in front of the mailboxes in my building when I felt him behind me. His arms wrapped around my waist and his nose and lips pressed and kissed against my neck. My body responded immediately in a surge of moisture that went straight between my legs. I had to bite down on my bottom lip hard to keep from moaning.

"God, I've missed you," he murmured.

"Me, too," I managed to get out. My voice was breathy and small, though I felt so much more than I could say.

I was afraid to turn around, afraid that all of the emotion and need I was feeling for him would spill out of me in front of the unsuspecting people in the lobby. After what seemed like a long moment, I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath and turned around to face him. His eyes were dark and the longing and desire on his face mirrored my own. I wanted him so much that I found it difficult to breathe.

"We need to go upstairs," he whispered. "Or I won't be responsible for what I do next."

I gasped, happy to know that I was still capable of breathing.

"Take me," I told him. "Take me upstairs."

He all but pulled me down the hall to my apartment, using his key and opening the door and taking me inside. He had no sooner closed the door when he swept me into his arms kissing me with a force that I hadn't felt from him in so long. I was trembling in his arms with my need as his tongue stroked and massaged my lips and penetrated my open mouth. He pulled away, moving to my neck kissing and sucking gently, causing me to whimper.

"Please," I whimpered, needing so much more than his mouth. "Oh, please."

"Bella...Bella...Fuck." His breath was hot and his voice hummed against my neck.

"I need you too much, Edward."

He pulled back, his eyes dark and severe with desire.

"Never stop, Bella," he told me roughly. "Never stop needing me this way." There was something deeper than the words he was saying to me, something laying just beneath the surface, vulnerable and raw and threatening to expose itself.

"Never," I told him, bringing my hands up to cup his face. "Never."

We made our way to the bedroom quickly, leaving a trail of clothing behind us, desperate to connect in this way. Edward pulled my body flush against his, his hands caressing all of me as if there wasn't enough naked skin for him to touch. He dragged his hands between our chests, gently cupping and my breasts, feeling the full weight of them in his palm. His mouth was on me, kissing me urgently, forcefully. I sucked his bottom lip between mine, biting down harder than I'd intended, causing him to whimper and cry into my greedy mouth. This only served to make him more frantic in his need for me.

He reached his hand lower, pushing my legs apart and touching my sex. My knees buckled at the contact and his other arm reached around me, not letting me fall.

"Do you know what it does to me that you always want me like this?" he asked roughly. "It ruins me when every time I touch you…you are wet and wanting me."

"Oh, god," I moaned as his fingers spread and stroked my slippery skin. "I always want you…oh…always, Edward…oh…just like this."

His mouth claimed mine as he pushed one, then two fingers inside me. I cried out, coming immediately as he sucked in the sobs of my orgasm. I was too undone to stand and would have fallen, but he held me tightly, never allowing that to happen.

He lifted me onto the bed, pulling his fingers from me as he did, my swollen flesh screaming out at the loss. He hovered above me, kissing my face, my neck, my shoulders and breasts. His body was buzzing with want, vibrating with desire. He seemed as frenetic as I felt. I reached between us, taking his cock in my hand, feeling it pulse and throb as I squeezed him. I ran my thumb along his head, causing a broken cry to come from his mouth.

"Inside," I whispered. "I need you inside."

I spread my legs further apart, pulling his head to my wet heat, sliding it along the folds of my opening.

"I love you," he said, bending his head to kiss me. "I love you so much, Bella."

"I love you, too," I said and before I finished, he pushed inside me and never stopped until we climaxed together, trembling and exhausted and utterly in love.

***************

The next morning went exactly as planned. Felix Guard was not an unassuming man, he was sharp and direct and always cut to the chase. The presentation went well. He asked a lot of questions about my strategy and was particularly interested in the results that had been generated from my tactics. Michael allowed me to take the lead and only added to the conversation when he was asked a question directly.

When we walked the floor, Felix could find nothing wrong with the operations or the merchandising of the store…and he was looking. My proudest moment came when he told me that the operational standards in the store were tremendous and far better than any other store he'd visited, with the exception of our flagship store in Manhattan. Michael smiled at me, beaming with pride. He should have been proud…he'd taught me everything I knew.

As we interacted all day, I couldn't help but notice that there was some sort of sub-text to everything he said or asked. The questions seemed loaded, like he was seeking a specific response, challenging me in my thought-process. It almost felt as if I were on a job-interview. I didn't let it bother me too much. I had always been able to articulate myself exceptionally well and I tried to never speak without giving full thought to my responses.

After lunch, Felix said that there had been a change to the itinerary. Instead of talking about holiday strategy and execution he informed the corporate team and Michael that he wanted to have a brief meeting alone with me. He asked that Michael take the corporate partners to a few like-retailers that he already had listed. This made me nervous because Felix was supposed to never veer from the original itinerary. But it suddenly dawned on me that this _was_ a part of his original plan…I was just not privy to that information. Michael seemed unfazed by the turn of events, which caused me to be more suspicious. Though, Michael would never have suggested doing something different than what the CEO of Stores wanted.

Not much later, Felix sat across from me in my office. He'd had Lauren bring him a glass and two bottles of water, one chilled and one at room temperature. He poured half of one bottle in the glass, then filled it the rest of the way with the other bottle. He looked across at me and smiled, a small chuckle escaping his lips. I was too nervous to smile or laugh.

"I'll bet you wondered why I demanded three bottles of chilled water and three bottles of water at room temperature didn't you?" he asked, smirking.

I looked at him, unsure of what I should say, because I had definitely thought he was being slightly demanding with that request…and I'd found it altogether a little too odd for my taste. He seemed to notice my hesitation in responding.

"It's okay, Ms. Swan," he said. "You can tell me the truth."

"Okay," I said. "I did wonder. I thought it was a little _odd_."

He laughed full-on then and I relaxed infinitesimally.

"I ask for my water like that because combined, the two different temperatures mix to create the perfect temperature for dinking." He punctuated his statement by taking a long pull from the glass in front of him.

"Ms. Swan, may I be direct with you?"

"Of course, sir," I said. "I always appreciate the direct approach."

"Good. We have been watching your career for a while now, but we began to really take notice when you were promoted to this store and we saw the results that you were getting in a location that was unprofitable prior to your taking the helm."

He paused and I didn't know if he wanted me to say anything, but he continued before I had the chance.

"You're very good. A natural leader, in fact. I like the way you operate and Mr. Newton has nothing but wonderful things to say about you."

"Thank you," I said, unsure where he was leading us in this conversation.

"The next year is going to bring about some change for our company. We will be splitting two of our larger regions and we will need two people to take over as the VPs of those newly created regions."

As soon as he said the words, my heart was pounding in my chest.

"I am considering you for one of those positions, Ms. Swan." He said, looking directly at me without a hint of a smile on his face. "Is this something you would be interested in? Mr. Newton assures me that you want to grow in your career."

I felt like I was being handed the golden ticket. This was everything that I had wanted…everything I'd worked so hard to achieve.

"I definitely want to grow in my career, Mr. Guard."

"Good," he said. "We still have the rest of fourth quarter to get through and I fully expect you to deliver results, but I certainly look forward to meeting with you again in January to discuss your future here at Fineley's."

He stood and reached out his hand to shake mine. It was trembling but he didn't seem to notice, though I'm sure he did. He noticed everything.

"Thank you for today Ms. Swan."

"Thank you, sir."

I closed the door behind him as he left my office. I may have danced a bit, though I would never willingly admit that to anyone. I went to my desk and sat down, my entire body radiating the sheer happiness that I felt in that moment. I picked up my phone to call Edward and tell him my good news. As I scrolled down to his name…it dawned on me…

A promotion might mean relocation for me.

Suddenly…I wasn't sure that my news was as good as I had originally thought.

***************

_**A/N**_

_**Reviews are love. Please leave me some.**_

_**As always, thanks and love go out to my beta and soulmate, Marvar. I literally don't know what I would do without you. You friendship has become one of the most cherished things in my life. We do so much more than write and read fic together. I adore you. And I especially love that you added commas this week…instead of taking them away.**_

_**Thanks to KStew411 for the recc this week! You made me squee and smile! Thank you for liking this story!**_

_**Thank you to my readers who continue to amaze and surprise me with all their thoughts and theories.**_

_**As always…the slores rule all!**_

_**What owns me this week:**_

"_**Yeah, You" by Marvar updated this week…and it's the funniest, sexiest chapter yet! Edward is a dream. Plus, Marvar posted one of our late night text sessions as her A/N. It's kind of revealing…and I think we're funny, too! **_

"_**Metaphysics" by Anais Mark. This is a little guy…two chapters in, but it is written supremely well and the story is really intriguing. Also…I'm pretty sure it's a total mindfuck. And I'm all about the mindfuck! **_

_**Please check them out. They are worth your time. **_


	26. Black Friday

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own the new Details. And it owns me.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to RoseArcadia, **_

_**one of the first people to support my little fic.**_

_**Love you!!!!**_

Chapter 26

_I awoke to silence…not even the sound of my own heart beating. _

_Or his._

_My bed was the same as it had always been. _

_The same soft Egyptian cotton sheets, the same down comforter with the lavender duvet and of course, the same pillows covered with the same pillow cases that smelled of my fabric-softener. _

_Like chamomile and verbena._

_I breathed in deeply, but took no comfort in the fragrance. _

_It was all the same and yet… and yet, it was so different. It was so completely different, that it unnerved and unsettled me. _

_I slowly rolled over facing his side of the bed…only to find it cold and vacant. It was absent of him entirely, absent of everything but my memories. _

_My memories of him._

_Those memories would never be completely erased…never truly forgotten. _

_I sat up quickly, moving to the edge of the bed, swinging my legs over the side. I looked out into the room, away from the bed. It was too painful to remember that he wasn't there. The room was the same, but different. Everything inside of the room was mine, but as I slowly looked around, a numbing pressure filled my chest and caused it to ache. The walls formed the shape of a different space._

_I was in a different place…without him._

_He wasn't there._

_And I had made my choice._

_I stood from the bed and walked to the closed door. My body felt as heavy as my heart and a feeling washed over me that was altogether too familiar. I felt lonely…and the loneliness clambered from somewhere deep inside of me and pushed its way out in the form of a sob. I lifted my shaking hand to the pewter knob on the door, fully understanding that once I opened it, it would be acceptance; my acceptance of this life without him…this life that I had chosen._

_I had chosen this when, in my aching heart, I knew I should have chosen him._

_He was everything._

_He had been all along._

*

*

*

"Bella…Bella, wake up."

I could hear his voice.

"Bella, love…please, wake up."

His arms that were wrapped around me pulled me closer to his chest, his hand pressed against my rapidly beating heart. I opened my eyes, my consciousness still bewildered by the lucidity of my dream. It felt so real and the genuineness of it scared me. As he kissed my temple and held me closer, still…I attempted to let my trembling body to relax into his, safe in the knowledge that I was where I was meant to be.

I belonged with Edward.

I belonged _to_ Edward.

"You were having a bad dream," he whispered softly against my ear.

The darkness of the room surrounded and enveloped us both, wrapping us up in the comfort of the space that was no longer just mine, but ours.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked so sweetly, with such concern that it caused me to whimper and release tears that I didn't even know I was still holding onto. "Shh…it's alright, love. You're alright."

I could only shake my head. I couldn't talk about it yet, but I didn't want him to move. I turned in his arms, facing him and wrapped my own arms around his waist, pressing my cheek against his chest, listening to his steady, but also elevated heartbeat.

"Your heart is pounding, too," I whispered against his bare skin.

"You scared me, baby," he murmured. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

I wanted to talk about it…_should have talked about it earlier_. After realizing what a promotion might mean for our relationship, I'd decided to keep the news to myself until I decided what I was going to do. I felt wracked with guilt for withholding something that important from him. It felt like lying…and I never wanted to lie to Edward.

Ever.

Keeping my head down, I began to talk. I was easier if I didn't look at his face.

"You were gone," I said simply. "In my dream, I mean."

He pulled me closer and began rubbing soothing circles on my back. He didn't speak, though, so I continued.

"I woke up in bed and you weren't there…and it…and it scared me. It scared me because…in my dream…you weren't going to ever be there. _You were gone and I was alone_." My voice was small and I paused, trying to figure out what to say next, how to explain it to him.

"What do you mean?" he asked, hugging me tightly. "I'm here, love. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

I kissed his chest and his skin was warm and soft. I breathed in deeply, taking in his fragrance as he moved his leg between mine, effectively entangling our legs together and increasing the intimacy of our position. I felt so much closer to him that way. I allowed myself to feel the comfort that he was offering. His hand came up from my waist and stroked my hair and he continued to press small, delicate kisses to my temple.

"You know that, right?" he asked. "You know I would never leave you."

I didn't say anything for a moment. How could I tell him that in my dream it had been _me_ who left _him_? I couldn't tell him that…would never be able to tell him that. I dragged my hand down his side and rested my hand on his bare hip. I still wasn't able to look up at him. I thought about my life before him. I thought about the loneliness that I felt. Aside from my friendship with Alice, I had been alone for the entirety of my adult life. And yet, here was this man. This _perfect_ man was holding me, comforting me, loving me…and promising to never leave me.

"Really?" I asked, wanting it to be the truth so badly that I couldn't breathe. We had never discussed anything further than the fact that we were in love. We had never really discussed our future. I had always been more than happy to be with him in the moment, but things were different now. And as uncomfortable as it might be, I needed to know how he felt about us…about our future. Would he want to be with me always? "Never?"

He chuckled softly, as if it were the most ridiculous question in the world. I could still feel his heart beating against my check. It was evening out now, less erratic. He drew his hand up to my chin, lifting lightly with his fingers and forcing my head back so that he could look at me. Even in the darkness, I could see that his eyes were passionate and telling.

"Tell me you know that I would never leave you," he said; his voice suddenly deeper than before.

His eyes were fierce and fluid with their emotion and in that moment, in the tender way he was holding me in his strong arms and the devotion of the words he'd so willingly just spoken, I knew.

"I know," I whispered.

I knew that he would never leave me, but more importantly, I knew that I could never leave him. I knew it in the peace that suddenly washed over me in the wake of my decision. I was proud of my career and had worked tremendously hard to achieve the success that I had, but there in the bed…in his arms…I knew that my career meant nothing to me if I wouldn't have him in my life. It would be just the same lonely existence as before, only now, I would know what I was missing without him. And I couldn't live without him now. Just the thought of it was like ripping a hole in my chest.

I reached my hands up to his face and he brought his open mouth down to mine in a kiss that I would never forget. He claimed my bottom lip as I pulled on his top. The gentle way he sucked and caressed me with his tongue lit a fire in my belly that radiated all the way down to my toes. My hands weaved into his hair as he pressed me closer to him with his hand that was on the small of my back. His other hand caressed my cheek, wiping away the remnants of the tears that I was still crying. Only now, they weren't tears of uncertainty and fear…they were tears coming from the knowledge that I had finally found the one person in the world that was made to love me.

And he loved me.

He leaned me back on the bed, never once releasing my mouth. His tongue sought entrance and I opened, willing him to continue kissing me and holding me just the way he was. Our bodies were naked from the love we'd made earlier and as it pressed against me and molded perfectly to mine, it was further proof that he was the one. The one for me in every way. He pulled away from my mouth, dragging his lips across my chin and down my throat. I heard him whispering in my ear a string of words, imperfect in their delivery, but perfection in their meaning.

"Bella…I love…never leave…mine…always…my Bella."

He held me close and I was so comforted that it almost didn't dawn on me that he had made me promises and even though I had dealt with my own internal struggle with what my future would look like, I had said nothing to him.

"Sweetheart, are you alright now?" he asked, running his nose from behind my ear along the length of my chin and then pressing an open, wet kiss on the base of my throat.

I brought my hands to his hair, grabbing it and pulling back, needing to look at him as I told him what I needed to say. He misread my intention and concern filled his face.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice filled with trepidation.

"Yes, Edward…yes," I said, my voice husky from my tears and emotion. "I need to tell you something."

"What, Bella?" He looked at me, waiting for me to speak. His breathing was so quiet that I almost thought he was holding his breath. I would have except for the rise and fall of his chest against mine. "Tell me."

The gravity of the moment did not escape me. It might elude him because he had no idea what had happened to me, what had been offered to me. But, none of that mattered anymore. I had made my decision and Edward was more important to me than anything in the world. I would never be able to be without him…I knew that. It was more certain for me than anything else. I loved my job and would be happy staying right where I was, in the same position, if it meant having him in my life. And I would never feel as if I had settled. Because Edward was a gift. He'd given himself to me freely…I'd never had to work for his love. And though I was making a sacrifice, it didn't feel that way to me. I felt like I was the lucky one.

I breathed in deeply, pulling my face to his and kissed him on the lips. It was tender and sweet and I wanted him to feel nothing but my love. Then I pulled back, wanting to look at him, wanting him to see the truth in the words I was about to speak.

"I love you, Edward…more than…more than anything. I can't be without you…won't…won't be without you."

I could already feel him pulling me closer, holding me tighter.

"You are it for me. I need you to know that."

I kissed his lips again. They trembled as he whimpered into my mouth.

"I love you, Edward and I promise…_I swear_…I'll _never_ leave you either."

His expression was so intense as he looked at me, my mind frantic with the need to know what he was thinking. When he finally pulled me to him it was powerful, but soft. His lips kissed mine as if it were a promise, a vow of everything we'd said. He rolled to the side of me, pulling me on top of him as he went. He continued to kiss and hold me for minutes…hours. I didn't know. I couldn't tell. And when I fell asleep, it was safe in the arms of the only man that ever loved me…the only man I'd ever loved.

Would ever love.

And that sleep was a perfect, peaceful sleep with no bad dreams and not one ounce of regret.

***************

By the time I was getting ready to leave the store on Wednesday, everything was set and ready for the early opening on Black Friday. I felt completely confident in the store's set-up and execution. Every special had been signed, all merchandise had been filled in and we were ready for the biggest day of the year in retail. It was the day that we worked and prepared for all year long.

Achieving sales plan on this day was integral for the annual success and profitability of any location. I was certain that the store would not only make plan, but I was expecting it to exceed expectations. I should have been exhausted after my long day, but I was truly excited about the night and spending Thanksgiving with Edward's family. Truthfully, they felt like family to me now and I hadn't felt like that for a long time…if ever. With Charlie, it had always been me and him. As much as I loved him, that familial feeling was never truly there. It was more like two quiet people sharing the same space. It felt different with the Cullens. It felt better.

Edward was picking me up from the store. We decided that we would be spending the night at his parent's house. Apparently, it was a tradition for the entire family to stay together the night before Thanksgiving. Everyone was coming, including Alice and Jasper. Edward still didn't want me standing outside by myself, so he said that he would text when he got there at five-thirty. I didn't complain, because really, after _that_ night, I was still a little frightened to be alone in the parking garage. At exact five-thirty, my phone chirped.

"_Ready, baby? I'm here._"

I smiled to myself at his endearment and quickly responded as I walked out of the executive office.

"_I'm always ready for you."_

When I opened the passenger door and sat down beside him, he pulled me into a deep, but gentle kiss that made me shiver.

"Hey," I said as he pulled back.

"Good evening, love," he said as he reached over to stroke my cheek with his thumb. "Do you want me to turn the heat up?"

"No, I'm good," I told him. "Thank you."

"Are you sure?" he asked with a smirk. "You seem _cold_...you were shivering."

I blushed and smiled back at him, reaching over to place my hand on his thigh.

"That has more to do with the kiss than the cold weather."

He chuckled softly as he started the car and pulled out.

"Glad to know that I still have that kind of effect on you, love."

I laughed softly to myself more than him, knowing he would always affect me like that. I began to drag my fingernails up and down the length of his denim covered leg, causing him to take in a sharp breath.

"Are you saying that I don't affect you the same way?"

His breathing grew shallow and his voice sounded playful, but tight as he spoke.

"Move your hand a little higher, baby," he said as he quickly glanced over at me. "And you'll see just how much you affect me."

So, I did.

When we arrived at the Cullen's home, Edward pulled me into another kiss before we ever got out of the car. He pulled back, looking down at me and there was something in his bright eyes…an intensity that I couldn't really get a read on. I wondered if it had to do with the night before and the things we'd said to each other in bed.

"Are you sure you want to stay the night?" he asked.

"Well," I said, smiling. "It's a little late to ask me that now. Besides, everyone will be here and I'm really kind of looking forward to it."

"Really?" he asked, not even trying to hide his smile.

"Yes, really," I said honestly. "I haven't been with family for Thanksgiving for over four years. It was usually just me, some take-out and a bottle of wine."

"Were you very lonely before, Bella?" he asked, a sincere tone filled his velvet voice.

I wanted to answer him honestly.

"I would tell myself that most people were miserable during the holidays," I said, my voice growing quiet. "Plus, I worked all the time and I tried to focus all of my thoughts and energy there. It's amazing how you can divert yourself when you're sufficiently motivated." I looked at him and he smiled a sweet, sad smile at me. It caused my heart to clench. I wanted to be honest with him mostly because I wanted him to know that this year was so different. And it was different because of him…what he'd brought into my life. "I tried not to think about it, but yeah, when I look back on it now…I was very lonely."

In one quick motion, he reached over the console of his car and pulled me into his arms. The position was uncomfortable, but the way it felt when he was holding me made up for it.

"You know you'll never be lonely again, right?" he whispered roughly into my hair.

"I know," I whispered back, my hands clutching the soft cable knit of his sweater.

***************

I walked down the stairs of the massive house later that night. We had all had a lovely dinner together and I'd really enjoyed the evening. Edward and I were staying in his old bedroom, and truth be told, that was an odd mixture of weird and exciting to me. I was nervous initially, at the thought of us sleeping together in his parent's house, but Edward informed me that there was no need to be concerned. He said that his parents were well aware of the fact that we spent every night together and that it didn't bother them in the least. It also helped that Alice and Jasper were sharing a room, too.

A little while earlier, everyone had went to change into their pajamas. Apparently, it was a 'Cullen Tradition' to play board games before going to bed on holidays. Not just Thanksgiving, but _all_ holidays. I felt like a child and a part of me really loved the feeling. I had missed out on activities like this growing up. It was like I was a teenager. It took me a little while longer to change and get ready because I had wanted to take a shower before putting on my new Natori pajamas. I had worked all day and I didn't love the idea of going to bed without showering first.

When I walked into the living room, the first thing my eyes were drawn to was Edward. He was sitting on a pillow next to the large square coffee table. He was wearing grey flannel pajama bottoms and a black fitted tee-shirt. In other words, he was gorgeous. I smiled at him and then looked around at the rest of his family. Rose and Emmett were snuggled together leaning against the couch. They were wearing matching red and black Ralph Lauren pajamas. Alice was sitting between Jasper's legs as he leaned against a plush red chair. Alice was wearing a bright pink, plush robe over classic satin pajamas and Japer looked like he was wearing sweat pants and a tee-shirt. Even Carlisle and Esme were there, sitting next to each other between the table and the fire place holding hands. Esme was wearing a long flannel gown and Carlisle was wearing blue cotton pajamas with a red terry-cloth robe. I was overcome, briefly, by the emotion I felt for every person in the room. They weren't just Edward's family anymore…they felt like mine.

I walked over to the table, never taking my eyes from Edward's. He was smiling and when I finally reached him, he took both my hands in his and effectively pulled me down into his lap. He kissed me on my check and I blushed before looking around the table at everyone else. It was then that I saw the game that was on the table. I looked back at Edward, smiling.

"Monopoly?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "Do you not like Monopoly?"

"No…I love it," I said.

"I'm glad."

He kissed me chastely on my lips, but I could still taste him…and he tasted good.

"You taste good," I whispered. "Like coffee and Baileys."

"I have some more," he said, winking. "We can share."

He kissed me again and I heard Emmett's booming voice behind me.

"Alright, you two…break it up."

"Really," Alice agreed. "It's like you never see each other and we all _know_ that's not the truth."

"I think it's sweet," Esme said, defending us.

"Yes...but I want to kick Edward's ass at Monopoly and I can't do that if he's all kissy-kissy with Bella and not bringing his A-game."

Edward shot Emmett a glaring look and Carlisle interjected.

"We thought we'd play as couples since there are so many of us," he said smiling as he looked around the table. "Are we all ready to get started? I think this might end up being a long game."

I smiled at Edward and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Does this mean I get to be your partner?" I asked and he nodded his head, his forehead touching mine. "We're gonna win, baby. I never lose at Monopoly."

"Oh, yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm very…_competitive_."

"Well, bring it, Bella!" Emmett called from behind me.

"I want to be the car!" I yelled out, giggling.

"But I'm always the car," he whined.

"Emmett," Carlisle scolded. "Bella is our guest…you can be the thimble."

The sound of Edward's laughter filled the room.

We played the game for the next couple hours. Everyone was laughing and talking while Emmett and Edward traded jabs with each other. Esme and Carlisle were the first to lose. They excused themselves from the group and went to bed. Esme said that she needed to be up early to begin cooking. I offered to get up and help her, but she told me to sleep in as long as possible. She knew what Friday was going to be like for me and she wanted me to rest. She also said that there would be plenty for me to help with when I got up.

Jasper and Alice were the second couple to lose. They also turned in, saying that they were _tired_. None of us really believed them.

By the time the game was winding down, Edward and Emmett were no longer trading barbs, but both were very invested in the game. It was close in the end, but Edward and I won…just like I knew we would. I never lost. Ever. Surprisingly, Emmett was a gracious loser, even going as far as to pull me in a giant bear-hug, like he had the night we'd had dinner with them! I giggled loudly as Edward told him not to break me. We all exchanged good-nights and headed to our rooms.

Edward led me up the stairs and down the hallway to his bedroom. He was holding my hand and I felt him tracing the lines on the skin of my palm with his thumb. There was no urgency in our walk and even though no words were spoken between us, the way we were looking at each other said so much. Edward was happy…happier than I'd ever seen him in the entire time we'd been together. And as he pushed open the door to the bedroom of his childhood, he looked down at me and I knew that I was just as happy as he was.

Once we stepped inside, Edward closed and locked the door. I didn't want to wait for him to touch me, to pull me to him. So, I grabbed the hem of his tee-shirt and tugged him toward me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and my hands made their way up his chest and circled around his neck. He looked at me for a long time, his expression open and peaceful, with just a hint of something needy...something that had always existed between us.

The way we needed each other had always been concerning to me on some level, but after having made my decision the night before, I wasn't concerned anymore. I loved how we needed each other. I hoped more than anything that the intensity between us would always be there...even if we settled into something that was more comfortable than desperate.

He was the first one to speak. His voice was smooth and fluid.

"Do you know what it means to me to have you here with me?"

I looked at him and smiled before placing my head against the firm pectoral muscles of his chest. He brought one of his hands to my hair, pulling on the band that was holding my hair in a loose ponytail, causing my long, still-damp hair to fall around my shoulders.

"I only know what it means to me."

"What does it mean to you?" he asked, his voice was suddenly lower than before.

I wondered if I could put into words what it meant to me to be here with him and his family. Not only that, but to have Alice here and a part of it...well, I didn't know if I could really explain what that meant to me. But, I decided to try.

For him.

"I don't know if this will make sense to you, well, for obvious reasons," I said, looking up at him as I spoke.

"Obvious, how?" he asked.

"Well, all of this tonight...you...me...everyone else. I've never had anything like this, Edward. Never. Not once in my whole life. But, I know that all of this is normal for you."

"Being with my family is normal," he interjected, pushing my hair behind my ear. "But, don't you see?" he asked.

"See what?"

"That being here with my family..._with you_…makes it wonderful, Bella," he said. "It makes it _everything_."

And with those words…those beautiful, exquisite and perfect words…he was kissing me.

And he didn't stop until we were both desperate for breath.

A little while later, we were snuggled up in bed, facing each other. He was holding me close and his hand was underneath my top, drawing circles on my back with his long, warm fingers. My fingers were woven in his hair and I was pressing soft, small kisses on his neck and face. He hummed in appreciation and contentedness.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yes?" he murmured.

"Do you feel like a teenager lying here in your bed with me?"

His body tensed, but he continued with his gentle touches to my back. I scooted closer to him, bending my leg at the knee and wedging it between his. I could feel his reaction to my question through the flannel of his pajama pants. I fought the urge to reach down and touch him; instead, I placed my open mouth on his neck and began to suck so softly, there was no way it would ever leave a mark.

"Bella," he whispered my name. It was no more than air against the top of my head. "What are you doing?"

"Well," I said, pulling my mouth from his neck and moving to his ear. "I was just wondering if there was anything that you hadn't done in here when you were a teenager…" I brought the lobe of his ear into my mouth and sucked, before taking my wet tongue and licking the inside of the shell of his ear. He groaned, softly. "that maybe…you wanted to do now."

I bit down on his lobe gently, pulling back and letting it slide through my teeth. His hands moved from my back and planted themselves firmly on the fleshy swell of my backside. He quickly rolled to his back, effectively pulling me on top of him. Using my hands, I pushed on his chest and lifted myself above him, spreading my legs and straddling his waist. I could feel him hard and pressing into me. His eyes were dark…even darker than the room and his face didn't reflect the playful feeling that I'd had in the moments leading up to this.

"Baby," I whispered, leaning down to kiss him on his cheek. "What's going on? What are you thinking?"

"You are so beautiful, Bella," he whispered. "I love you."

"Thank you. I love you, too."

I kissed him again, this time on his lips. He responded by deepening the kiss and I let him lead me, wondering where his mind was and what he was thinking about. My hair hung in a thick veil around our faces as his lips moved against mine and slowly, we became immersed in each other.

I was panting as he pulled his mouth from mine. He kissed each of my cheeks once before pressing his lips to my forehead, lingering there. He drew his hands through my hair, pulling it away from my face and I let my head fall to the crook of his neck, hooking my arms under his and grasping his shoulders. His hands moved from my hair and he wrapped his arms around my waist. Our upper bodies were pressed together and even through the fabric between us, I could feel his heart beating in tandem with mine. We laid there silently for an immeasurable amount of time and he clung to me as if he couldn't get close enough. Finally, I spoke, breaking the silence.

"Are you okay, Edward?"

"God, I'm more than okay," he spoke softly into my ear. "But is it…I mean…can we…"

He pulled me tighter to himself and I pressed a kiss to the skin that was already against my mouth.

"What, Edward?" I asked. "What do you want?"

"I would love nothing more than to play with you and pretend that we're two teenagers sneaking around in my bedroom," he told me, sliding his fingers underneath the waistband of my pajamas and panties. "But just not tonight…is that…would that be okay?"

I was confused by his words, but the way he was speaking and the way he was touching me told me that he wanted me. I could still feel how he wanted me, hard and pressing in between us. I pushed down onto him, tightening my legs around his waist.

"Whatever you want, baby," I whispered. "Tell me…what you want…whatever it is…you can have it."

His hands gripped the soft flesh underneath his hands and he turned his face to me and kissed me.

"Everything I have is already yours," I murmured against his lips. "Take it."

He whimpered into my mouth, his fingers digging into my skin.

"I want _you_…the woman that I'm in love with," he whispered, but there was an urgency to his voice. "_And I need_…Bella...I need to make love you."

"I do love you, Edward," I told him.

"Just you," he whispered. "Only you."

I placed one small kiss on his lips before pushing myself up and resting myself on his lap. I looked down at him, his eyes telling me everything I needed to know. I ran my hands down his chest and abdominal muscles. He never said anything, but he never looked away from my eyes. I brought my fingers to the hem of my shirt and lifted it over my head, tossing it onto the floor beside us. I looked back at him and his hands were ghosting up my sides, tickling my ribcage. I reached behind me and unclasped my bra, throwing it to the side and feeling more than watching him take my breasts into his hands.

"Your breasts are so perfect, Bella," he rasped. "So full and female."

He lifted his head, taking one breast into his mouth, sucking gently at first, but growing rougher. I reached my hands down his back and grabbed at his shirt, trying to tug it off. He moved long enough to help me, but moved his mouth back to my breast as soon as it was off. His tongue circled my nipple before he sucked it into his mouth, biting gently.

"Tell me, baby," he whispered into my chest. "Tell me what you want…what you need."

I grabbed his head, gripping his hair in my hands, forcing him to look at me.

"_This_, Edward…_you_," I told him. "Everything I need is right here holding me."

"Fuck, baby."

With our words, he pulled at my pants and panties, trying to pull them down. We fumbled together frantically, trying to rid each other of the remaining barriers between his naked skin and mine. He pulled me back on top of him and I could feel him pressing into my wet skin.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

"This is perfect," I told him.

"I don't deserve you, Bella," he said low and rough. "I'll never deserve you."

He was feeling insecure and for the life of me, I couldn't understand why. Not when we were there together like that.

"You deserve me," I whispered, lifting myself enough to reach down and bring him to my opening. I sank down on to him slowly, feeling every inch of him fill me inside. And as I lowered myself, I said, "You have always deserved me."

We were frantic, but moved slowly, feeling each and every thrust inside. He kissed me everywhere, my lips and face…my shoulders and breasts. Everything built slowly and our quiet cries and whimpers filled only the space around us. He continued to tell me that I was beautiful and I told him how much I loved and needed him. I could tell when he was close and I wanted to come with him. I increased my speed, but only slightly, not wanting to change the slow, steady pace of the way we were making love. And when he came and cried out, "Bella, baby…you're perfect…Jesus…I love you," I fell over the edge with him, wracking spasms seizing my body. I held onto him tightly, wrapping my legs around his waist and whispered in his ear, "I love you too, Edward…I always will."

***************

I woke up late on Thanksgiving morning and Edward was still wrapped around me. It was a different position than I usually found myself in because his body was facing mine and his head was pressed to my naked chest. I stayed like that for a moment, wanting to enjoy the quiet of the room as he held me in arms. I thought back on the night before and the way we'd made love and I felt completely at peace with everything in my life.

Especially him.

He was the peace.

I began trailing my fingers down his spine wanting him to wake up so that we could begin our day together. As first he didn't move, except to try to pull himself even closer to me…if that were at all possible. I continued touching him, stroking him, silently allowing my touch be what woke him up. I knew when it happened. Even though he didn't open his eyes, I saw the slight curve of a smile at the corner of his lips. He began to stir and I pressed my lips to his forehead. He was still warm from sleeping.

"Mmm…" he hummed. "Good morning."

"Good morning, baby," I murmured. "I take it you slept well?"

"I did," he said, finally opening his eyes and they were shining green and bottomless. "And you?"

"It was perfect," I told him, hoping he knew that I wasn't just talking about the sleep.

"It was."

We showered together, getting ready for the day. We took our time, feeling no need to rush. Edward assured me that his mother loved this day and really didn't expect anyone to help her. In fact, she preferred to do it on her own. He said that she enjoyed being the caretaker; that it was in her nature. As I thought about his words and reflected on everything that I knew about Esme so far, I could see where that was the absolute truth. Edward held my hand as we walked down the stars.

As we approached the kitchen, the most wonderful fragrance filled the air. It was butter and sage and cinnamon and pumpkin. It was Thanksgiving…it smelled like Thanksgiving. Only, it wasn't like any Thanksgiving I'd ever known. It was more like something out of a book or on TV. You know, one of those holiday commercials that make you feel bad for not having the perfect dinner with the perfect family. But now, I couldn't feel bad at all. Because as I looked up at Edward, I knew that there wasn't one thing in my life that wasn't perfect in that moment.

We walked in the kitchen and Esme was there with Carlisle. She was feeding him stuffing from a spoon and they turned around to greet us.

"Good morning, you two," Esme said sweetly.

"I think the morning has come and gone now," Carlisle chided, winking at us.

I looked at my watch and sure enough, it was after twelve. I blushed as Edward pulled my closer to his side, chuckling.

"I'm just glad you got some rest," Esme said, walking over and grabbing two coffee cups. "Would you like some coffee? I just brewed a fresh pot."

"Let me get that," I suggested. "You have plenty to do. Are you sure there's nothing I can help you with?"

"No, dear," she said, kissing me on the cheek and handing me the cups. "You two enjoy your day together. Rest. Relax."

Edward and I spent the afternoon with the rest of the family. It was exactly what I needed. A relaxing day, spent with people that I loved and cherished. We went for a walk outside while Jasper and Emmett watched football. Edward showed me the property and we cuddled and kissed in the cold November air. It was beyond perfection. I was blissful. There was no other way to describe it. I'm sure it was radiating from my every cell just as his happiness was glowing from inside him. I would catch him looking at me at different moments during the day. The love that I found in his eyes never ceased to take my breath away, leaving me speechless and wanting.

***************

As I was about to put on my dress for dinner in Edward's room, Edward pulled me to him in a tender embrace.

"I love you," he whispered. "So much."

"I love you, too," I told him.

He looked at me thoughtfully for a moment, his eyes were smoldering, but I could tell by the way that he was holding me that his emotion was not sexual. It was needy and loving, but that wasn't unusual for him.

"I know that tomorrow is going to be a long day," he started. "But after work, I want to spend the evening with you. I have some things that I would like to discuss with you."

"Okay," I told him. I'm sure that he could see the concern in my eyes. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything is perfect, love." He kissed me on my nose. "Tomorrow?" he asked.

"Tomorrow," I agreed.

***************

As we gathered at the dining room table, we took our seats and Edward held my hand in his lap. Carlisle spoke from the head of the table.

"We have a tradition that we take part in every year on this day. This year, we have two new, welcome additions to our table."

I looked over at Alice and smiled. She was beaming at Jasper's side.

"We all go around the table and each say something that we're thankful for. Since I am already speaking, I'll go first." He reached over and took Esme's hand. "I am thankful for my wonderful family and I am thrilled to see them all happy and healthy and to know that their lives are as full of love as mine has been with Esme for all these years. Alice, Bella," he said, nodding in our directions. "Welcome to the family. We are blessed to have you here with us."

I was overcome with his words and Edward squeezed my hand underneath the table. I'd be lying if I said that I'd truly heard anything after that. It wasn't until it was Edward's turn to speak that I forced myself to listen. He looked down at me the entire time that he spoke.

"I am thankful for my family, but more importantly, I am thankful to have found you, Bella."

I sucked in a shaky breath at his words.

"I love you and I want to tell you that here…in front of everyone that is important to me." He pulled my hand from his lap and kissed it softly. "Thank you for loving me."

I wanted to kiss him and forget about every other person in the room, but I knew that wasn't possible. Tears formed in my eyes and I wondered if I would even be able to speak. He ran his thumb along my cheekbone, wiping away the stray drops that had spilled over.

"Don't cry, love," he said softly. "It's your turn."

I spoke without thinking, the words coming to me as if I'd had them memorized.

"I'm so thankful to be here…with all of you," I said, looking around the table. I noticed Esme was crying, as well. "I can say, _without question_, that this has been the happiest day of my life." I looked at Edward and he was smiling, but his grip on my hand was tight. "And Edward, I love you so much, too. I'm _so_ thankful for you…for everything that you've done for me…given to me. I love you."

Edward pulled me to him and kissed me, fiercely. By the time I had enough wits about me to be embarrassed by everything, I heard Emmett speaking.

"Jesus! You two are all about ridiculous declarations and inappropriate kissing at the dinner table, aren't you?"

The whole table burst into laughter, including myself and Edward. I pulled away from him but he held onto my hand as if it were attached to him. I didn't mind, though. My hand in his was right where it belonged…just like I was finally where I was meant to belong.

With Edward.

***************

It was four in the morning when I left Edward sleeping in my bed on Friday. I didn't have the heart to wake him up. He had offered to get me coffee, but I told him that we were having coffee delivered to the store for the associates and that I would be fine to wait until I got to there. I was wide awake anyway. I looked forward to and dreaded this day simultaneously. I often joked that I went into a career in retail just so that I could get out of shopping with Alice on Black Friday. I swear, she had more plans and strategies for this day than I did. I was happy to learn that she has Rose and Esme to shop with this year. They said that they were going to try to come into the store, but I informed them that I really wouldn't have time to talk for the majority of the day.

The store opened at exactly five and we were extremely busy for the first four hours. I hadn't gotten any coffee that morning; it was all consumed by the associates pretty quickly. I was starting to drag, so at nine, I decided to take a quick break, when the mid-shift came in. I ran into Starbucks and the line was obscenely long. I was checking my phone for the sales update when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"I didn't know you worked for Fineley's."

I turned around and it was the man, James. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. He clearly didn't get the hint before, because he was still trying to talk to me. I wondered how he would know where I worked, but I had forgotten that I was wearing my name badge. I usually wore it only in the store.

"Um…yeah, I do," I said quickly, turning back around and facing the counter.

"I know the owner," he said in a cocky tone of voice.

I chuckled to myself, knowing that he was lying.

"It's a publically traded company," I said directly. "There is no owner."

He smirked at me and I wondered if he thought that was charming, because it clearly wasn't.

"No, you're right," he said. "But I know the majority stockholder."

This man was too ridiculous for his own good. I thought about telling him that I was in a relationship and that even if I wasn't, he would not be the man I chose to spend my time with. This was becoming absurd! I was going to have to find a new Starbucks to patronize and I didn't want to have to do that. This was the closest one to the store.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically, not even trying to hide my displeasure in the conversation. "Sure you do."

He seemed a little taken aback at my tone, but still, he persisted.

"Well, I don't know him personally," he said. "But my firm handled the purchase and transfer of stock."

I had forgotten he was a stockbroker.

"Good for you," I said. "What is his name?"

The barista called my name as soon as I'd asked the question. I approached the counter and she handed me my Venti Latte. I was putting the sleeve on the cup when he answered me.

"Cullen," he said. "Edward Cullen."

Everything in my word stopped in that moment…and all I could focus on was the sound of the paper cup hitting the floor as it slipped from my hand.

***************

_**A/N**_

_***hides***_

_**Leave me some love and review. **_

_**Tell me what you think of Edward's secret.**_

_**Marvar, at some point, words will begin to fail me. I will never adequately be able to tell you what a wonderful partner and friend you have been to me. It seems ridiculous to call you my beta at this point...though you are a damn good one. I talk to you more than just about anyone else in my life. Thank you for that. Thank you for your time and for your encouragement…and thank you for always being able and willing to make me laugh. Hand holding and tears are surely coming. Thank you in advance for talking me off of my Darcyward induced ledge. **_

_**Thank you to my readers that have stuck with me through twenty-six chapters, waiting to find out what Edward's secret was. I hope you think it was worth it.**_

_**Once again, the slores rule all! I've dropped my panties at the door, and I have my stool in tow…awaiting your arrival and the UoEM update. P.S. I should have known it would be a slore to push me over 1000 reviews. Thank you for that, Clementine! **_

_**Marvar and I have joined forces and are writing a Fic together.**_

"_**Love In My Box"**_

_**EPOV from the lovely Marvar and BPOV from yours, truly.**_

_**We will be posting the first chapter this weekend under the penname cosmoandmarvar.**_


	27. Shattered and Broken

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own an iPod that has been playing sad and emo songs all week.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

"_Honest people don't hide their deeds."_

_~Emily Bronte_

Chapter 27

My entire world spun and never completely righted itself.

Coffee.

Coffee was everywhere…all over the floor. Just like my heart. Only, the coffee was tangible. It was real and I could see it. I couldn't see my heart. I could only feel it, broken and shattered and spilled on the floor as if it were nothing more than a disposable cup of fucking coffee. I couldn't do anything. I just stood there looking at the mess. People were talking around me. I could hear their voices. I could hear them, but it was all static.

I couldn't understand any of it.

Not the barista that was asking if I was okay.

I wasn't.

Not the man behind me, who, for all intents and purposes, didn't know that he'd just devastated me...devastated everything.

Everything that I believed and everything that I thought I knew to be true.

He was lying.

He had to be lying.

My blood pulsed quickly in my veins and the whooshing sound it caused in my ears made me dizzy. Drawing from every ounce of strength and determination I could find, I turned on my heel, slipping slightly in the liquid on the floor and ran out of the coffee shop. I didn't look at him as I left…didn't want to see the blue of his eyes or the smirk on his face. I didn't want to hear the self-assured sound of his voice. The voice that had just divulged the one piece of information that would render everything Edward ever told me untrue and meaningless.

Worthless and hollow.

Every declaration he'd ever made to me in our quiet moments alone, in the sanctuary of our bed – the same bed he'd declared his love for me – in front of his family…_all of it_ would be a lie if this were true.

It couldn't be true.

How could it possibly be true?

If this were true, he would have told me.

He _fucking_ loved me and would never have kept something like this from me.

Never.

My mind was racing and my empty stomach was rolling and turning over in my body. I could feel the acid mixed with the tears in my throat and just as I approached my car, a sudden and overwhelming wave of nausea hit me and even though I fought it, my body heaved instinctively and I threw-up onto the asphalt of the parking lot. The taste was bitter like my tears and then, just the knowledge that I'd thrown-up make me sick all over again. Only now, there was nothing left in my stomach to empty. It was just me heaving dry sobs out into the cold air of the outside. But it wasn't cold enough to numb the aching throb of my heart.

I reached into my bag and pulled out some tissue to wipe my eyes and mouth. I took several slow breaths before I was able to open my car and crawl in. Once inside, I tried to figure out what I was supposed to do. I looked at the clock in my car and saw that I'd been gone from the store for over thirty minutes. That decided it for me. I had to get back to work. I couldn't have an emotional breakdown on Black Friday. My store needed me. As soon as the thought filtered to my mind, it occurred to me that my store was possibly _Edward's_ store. And just the idea of that made me sick all over again.

_He would have told me._

_He loves me._

_He would have told me._

_He loves me._

_He would have told me._

I kept repeating those words to myself over and over in a constant loop as I made my way back to the store. My heart was aching to believe them, but the frigid and heavy knot lying resonant in the deepest part of my stomach would not allow the words to calm me completely.

Once I was back, I went to the bathroom in the executive office and rinsed out my mouth with water from the faucet and attempted to cover the angry, red splotches on my face with powder. Thankfully, there had been no one in the associate entrance as I'd walked inside. Everyone was on the floor selling and servicing the customer…which was exactly what I should have been doing. I took one last glance at myself in the mirror, decided that I looked acceptable and headed back out to the sales floor.

The rest of the day passed in a haze of rapid activity that played out in unbearable slow-motion for me. I was there, but I wasn't. I was functioning, yet felt as if I couldn't function at all. It was as if I had to remind myself to breathe and speak when I was spoken to directly. And sometimes, I wasn't even capable of doing that, so I decided to go home at two-thirty when the early morning team left. Normally, I would have stayed until five or six, but I just couldn't force myself to stay any longer.

I picked up my phone to text Michael and I saw that I had text message from Edward. My heart started pounding in my chest and my trembling fingers couldn't open it. I just stood there looking at his name on the screen, willing myself not to cry again. I decided that it would be best for me to wait until I was out of the store to read it. I couldn't risk crying again while I was still at work. With heavy feet, I made my way to the car.

Once inside the car, I opened the message. Tears began to flow almost immediately as I read the words…his words.

_**My Dearest Bella,**_

_**You were gone when I woke up this morning.**_

_**I would have loved to kiss you goodbye.**_

_**I've been thinking of you all day**_

_**and I hope that you have been thinking of me.**_

_**I'll see you this evening and I love you.**_

_**Never forget that.**_

_**-E**_

Everything in my sight blurred together. The glowing screen of my phone held the words that I needed to cling to in order to even force myself to take in the air that my body needed to survive. It hit me then…in that moment. Edward had become as important to me as breathing. He was as much a part of me as the flesh that covered my bones, as the blood that pulsed in my veins. I couldn't begin to think about what it would mean to me if I found out he'd been lying to me. I gulped in the cold, stale air that surrounded me and threw the phone on the passenger's seat beside me, unable to hold onto it any longer.

I was sure that I wouldn't be able to drive home. The knifing fear that any of this was true stabbed at my chest. I closed my eyes, trying to find center and focus, forcing myself to concentrate on the only things I knew to be true. I took several deep breaths, willing my heartbeat to slow and when it finally did, I managed to drive myself home.

***************

I exited the elevator and began the walk down the hall to my apartment. My heart was pounding in my chest and trepidation filled my mind. Edward wouldn't be expecting me for another couple hours and I wasn't sure if he would be there. And what if he was? I wasn't sure what I would do...what would I say? I was so completely exhausted, yet every part of my body buzzed with this nervous and almost panic-filled energy. My mind couldn't begin to process that what James had said had even the remotest possibility of being true.

I couldn't believe him.

I wouldn't.

I pushed open the door and it was quiet. I knew I was alone and the knowledge of that both troubled and comforted me. I unceremoniously deposited my bag and coat on the chair in the foyer and immediately walked to the kitchen. With trembling hands, I pulled a martini glass from the rack and opened the freezer, taking out a bottle of vodka. I didn't even bother with looking for ingredients to make a cocktail. I simply poured the clear liquid into the glass and took a drink. It was chilled, but it burned as it made its way down my throat. I winced at the stinging taste of nothing, but only long enough to bring the glass back to my mouth for another pull.

By the time the glass was empty, I could feel the effects of the alcohol full on. I hadn't eaten anything all day and I knew that I couldn't risk being sick again. Without even bothering to put the vodka away, I ambled into the bedroom. Slowly. Once inside, I began to take off my clothes. Instead of placing them in the garment bag for the cleaners, I left them crumpled on the floor in a pile of wool and silk. I walked into the bathroom and quickly turned on the water to the shower. While it heated up, I began pulling the pins from my hair. I stepped into the heat of the spray and for the first time since I'd left him sleeping in our bed, I felt warm.

I stood facing the water, willing the heat to relax my aching muscles. I held out my hands in front of me, feeling the force of the spray press against my palms, cupping them as if I could hold on to the water. I was futile in my attempts as I watched the hot liquid slip from my hands. And even though I knew it was pointless to try to hold onto it, I continued to try. The edges of my mind began to soften and dull as the alcohol flowed rapidly through my system. I closed my eyes and when I did, I could only see him behind my lids. It was him. It would always be him. I felt a strangled cry trying to work its way out, but I swallowed thickly, pushing it back down.

It was then that I felt it…felt _him_. I felt him in the moist air around me. I felt his energy push through the darkened mist that had surrounded me. He was behind me…in the shower and though my mind was racing, everything stopped the moment he pressed up against me.

It was warmth and skin and wet and _him_. My body responded by leaning back into him, feeding from his energy…_our_ energy. The energy that could only be created when we were together and touching…and completely connected. It felt natural and right. It felt primal and base. Like he was the beginning and I was the end, except that we weren't. Because, surely, there was no beginning or end with us. We just simply _were_ together. We had been from the start.

His arms circled around me, pulling my back flush against him. _And I felt it_…I felt as my body gave into the connection that we alone shared. He _fucking_ loved me and I could feel the truth of that resonate in my bones that were weary and tired from the horrible day. My head unconsciously dropped back against his chest and I watched through hooded eyes as the steam swirled around and covered us. Everything suspended outside the small space of the shower and even if it was only for the moment, it was just us, alone and encircled in the mist that I allowed to fog my mind.

_Please, let me forget._

His hand slid up and cupped my breast, while his other hand pressed my stomach, pulling me even closer. He leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"I'm so glad you're home, baby."

I whimpered at the sound of his voice…the loving tone. The way I needed it was too much for me keep inside. He leaned his face in close to mine and I refused to look in his eyes, instead, focusing all of my attention on his full, wet lips that I needed to feel against my own. My lips parted and I could taste the humidity…_could taste him_, his scent so much stronger in the sultry heat around us. The seconds felt like hours as I waited.

_Oh, please._

_Please._

_Oh, please._

And then his lips were on mine. Opening and claiming, sucking and pressing…and I let him take me, my need too desperate and weak to stop. I loved him with every cell of my being and I was powerless to stop this…this _need_ to be with him.

_Love me._

_Need me._

_Own me._

_You always have._

His hand trailed down my belly and cupped my wet sex. I cried out into his mouth as he gently spread me with his fingers and stroked my flesh that was dripping and wet just like the air around us. My hands reached up and around our necks and my own fingers twisted and pulled his hair at the nape of his neck. I could feel him hard and pressing into the small of my back. I pushed myself against him, tightly, wanting to feel what I did to him…willing my mind to just fucking stop and let my body have what it needed.

He turned me around, facing him and I kept my eyes trained on his chest. I couldn't look into his eyes.

_Not yet._

The need and desire and every bit of desperation that I had to be with him…had to be rolling off of me in waves, but I couldn't tell if he could feel it because I couldn't look at him. I wasn't capable of lifting my eyes to meet his because he would see the battle that was thundering inside of me. I grabbed his face, once again, keeping my eyes on his lips and I pulled him to me. He came willingly and more urgently this time, feeding off of my need. He backed me into the corner of the shower and quickly, but very carefully lifted me up and pressed me up against the cold tile of the wall.

His mouth moved to my neck and I could hear him speaking…rasping my name…asking me what I needed. I wrapped my arms around his neck, begging him with every breath and every cry that I needed him to take me. My body needed it…needed the connection. If we were connected, nothing could come between us.

_Nothing._

_Not even this._

_Never._

But somewhere deep inside me, I knew that wasn't true and suddenly…finally, my mind raged against my body and for the first time since I'd felt his presence, I had a flash of clarity. And I needed to know. I needed to know the truth, because this…_all of this_ was nothing if he'd lied to me.

I pulled back, pushing against his chest. I didn't look up…I wasn't prepared for that. My eyes were on his chest and watched as expanded with his breath. He spoke, breaking the silence that my clouded mind and strung-out body hadn't noticed.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked in a whispered, but distressed voice. "What's wrong?"

I counted to ten. Ten seconds was all the time I allowed myself to work up enough courage to look at him and ask the question that would potentially devastate and destroy me.

_It isn't true…_

_He would never do this…_

_He would never lie to me about this…_

_He loves me…_

_I feel it._

Slowly I lifted my eyes to his. They were vivid emeralds swirling with anxiety and concern…_and love_.

And just like that the tears spilled down my flushed cheeks.

_He loved me._

I took a deep and shaking breath, searching for the strength to speak the words.

"Tell me," I said. "Tell me it's not true."

"What?" he asked.

Before I could be relieved at his apparent lack of understanding, recognition flickered in his eyes.

"How did you…?"

He hadn't even finished his sentence when I felt myself stumbling backwards on the wet tile of the shower floor. His arms reached out to steady me and as a fresh wave of undulating nausea engulfed me, I pushed him back with as much force as I had in my trembling and shaking body.

"Don't you touch me!" I screamed. "Don't you dare fucking touch me!"

He recoiled as if I'd slapped him…and in that moment…I wanted to hit him. I wanted to make him hurt the way that he was making me hurt now. But, truthfully, no amount of physical pain would ever be stronger or more excruciating than the hurt that he'd inflicted.

I had to get out. I twisted quickly, pushing open the door and I fled the shower, grabbing a towel and slamming the door to the bathroom behind me. My naked body was quivering and shaking and I couldn't breathe. I was hunched over and sobbing, clutching the towel to my chest. I had to get out of the room. He would be behind me at any moment and I couldn't look at him. I couldn't bear the thought of looking in his eyes and seeing that he'd lied to me…about this.

About anything.

I pulled open a drawer in my dresser and pulled out the first thing I could find and I fled out of my bedroom. I ran to the guest room and shut and locked the door. Wracking sobs were filling the otherwise quiet space of the room and I dropped the clothes in my hand and slid down the door to the carpet.

And I cried.

I cried so hard for so long that I never heard him come and sit on the other side of the door. It wasn't until my own sobs turned to quiet weeping and sniffling that I heard him. I heard his tears and his own anguished voice murmuring how sorry he was over and over again. And from that alone, another wave of tears began to flow.

It had been quiet for about ten minutes; the only sound was an occasional sniffle from me. I looked down at my body, half-covered in the towel I'd carried with me, my arms wrapped protectively around my stomach as if I'd just been punched. I took little comfort in the fact that I hadn't been. I looked at the clothes I'd brought, actually seeing what they were for the first time. There was a pair of Calvin Klein jersey-knit pants and what looked like a couple different tank tops. They were all things that I slept in.

As quietly as I could, I pushed myself away from the door and moved towards my clothes. He heard me…I knew he would.

"Bella," he said my name in a strangled cry. "Bella, please…please come out and talk to me."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I knew if I spoke, that I would cry again. I stood up, letting the towel fall to the floor and I bent over and retrieved my pants and a tank top. I dressed slowly, every muscle in my body aching and tight.

"Bella," he called again from the other side of the door. "Please, I just…I need to see if you're okay."

Was he fucking kidding with that? Of course I wasn't okay. I was barely holding myself together and he wanted to know if I was okay?

I walked at an agonizingly slow pace to the door. I held my hand on the knob for the longest time. My body was shaking and my mind was screaming at me, but I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to open it and show him that I was alright…otherwise, he'd never leave and it would be just me hiding in the spare bedroom of my own goddamn home. And then I thought about him leaving and the mere thought of it shocked me to my very core and I started crying again. So quickly, before I could change my mind, I unlocked the door, twisting the knob and pulling it open.

There he was…standing before me. His eyes and face were red and swollen and though I knew that he'd been crying, it was something altogether different to see the evidence of it on his face. I never wanted to make him cry…would _never_ had made him cry. I loved him so completely and looking at him standing there before me, broken and hurt – well, it hurt me even more. I looked at him and then to the side in a silent request for him to let me pass. I wasn't strong enough to try to push my way past him if he'd tried to stop me. When he didn't move, I took it to mean that he would let me go.

I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, my body so tired, but completely tensed by the things I knew we needed to say. He followed behind me and sat down in the chair to my left. He leaned his head down, running his fingers roughly through his hair, crying again. I watched him, fighting every instinct that I had to reach out and offer him comfort. I was dying inside and I would still rather bleed than to see him suffer. After another long moment, I finally spoke.

"I think you should go." My voice was cold and emotionless, a stark contrast to the way I was feeling.

"What?" he choked out. "Please, Bella…please! You have to let me explain."

"All this time!" I screamed. "You've had all this time to explain this to me…and nothing, Edward!" I sobbed. "You gave me nothing…told me nothing!"

"I'm sorry…I'm so fucking sorry," he wept. "You have to believe me."

His words hit me like a wrecking ball. How could he expect me to believe anything he said?

"I want to hear you say it," I told him, swallowing back bile. "I want to hear you tell me what I already know is true."

He looked at me, his green eyes wet and regretful.

"Please, Bella," he whispered.

"You own the fucking company, Edward! _The company I fucking work for_! I deserve to hear you say it!"

Tears were flowing freely down my face and I was so hurt and felt so _completely_ stupid, but I refused to look away from him. He owed me this…the truth. He'd always owed me the truth, but he'd never given it to me. And then it hit me…what if he'd purchased Fineley's _after_ we met…after he knew what I had gone through over the course of my career? He wouldn't have done that, would he? And as I thought about it, I realized that I didn't know what would be worse. If he'd done it after, or purposely pursued a relationship with me when he owned the fucking company.

"I don't own Fineley's Bella," he said. "Not technically, anyway. My family owns the stock."

"Majority stock," I said, bitterly. "Before or after?" I asked.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"Did you own it before or after you met me?"

Shame covered his face and I couldn't tell by his expression what the answer would be.

"Before," he almost whispered.

And with the softly spoken little word, I was sobbing again. I pulled my knees to my chest and I cried into the fabric of my pants. Edward was before me in an instant, on his knees wrapping his arms around my waist, begging me to stop crying. I wanted to push him away, but I couldn't. And I fucking hated myself for needing the comfort that he was offering. His touch was like a salve to a burn and I found myself leaning into him.

"I'm sorry Bella…please, baby…don't cry. Please…I love you so much. I never wanted to hurt you."

The moment I felt my hands reaching for him, I snapped back.

"You knew!" I screamed. "You fucking knew and you still pursued me! You came to the store…pretended to be a customer! Is that a fucking joke, Edward?" He still clung to me and I tried to push him away, but he just held on tighter. "Is this all a big joke to you? Were you just laughing at me the whole goddamn time?"

Images of us from the beginning of our relationship were assaulting my mind and flying at me in rapid succession. The night we met…the day he came to the store…our first date…the first time we made love. It was then that I remembered what he'd said to me in the same room we were sitting in.

"_You must be sleeping with all the right people." _

As soon as the words situated in my mind, I pushed him away from me with such force that I caused him to hit the coffee table. My body and mind tried to reconcile that he – the man I (still) loved more than anything in the word - would have ever said something that hurtful and degrading to me. I couldn't conceive of it.

Even then.

Even with what I knew.

"I guess I _was_ sleeping with all the right people." I said, my mind feeling completely removed from my body.

At my words, a piercing look of shame and horror crossed his beautiful face. I cursed myself silently for still thinking he was beautiful.

"You will never know how much I regret those words," he whispered. "I know I've hurt you, Bella, but please, I…"

I cut him off before he could continue.

"Don't you say it," I told him icily. "Don't you dare fucking tell me that you love me."

"I do love you," he choked out.

He was back on his knees in front of me again. I could tell he wanted to touch me, but I knew that he wouldn't.

"Does your whole family know?" I asked.

The thought that Esme and Rosalie knew added a whole new layer to my devastation. I couldn't deal with this anymore.

"No, Bella," he said. "Only Carlisle. Please don't blame him…he's been trying to make me tell you all long."

I let out a grateful sob, thankful that the one person who'd ever truly felt like a mother to me, wasn't aware of what was going on. I'd like to think that she would have told me. But, Edward was here…on his knees in front of me, claiming that he loved me and yet, he'd never said a word. I looked at him, wanting him to take me in his arms and tell me that everything would be alright. I wanted to know that everything we'd shared...every moment…every touch…every kiss…_every single time we'd made love_…I wanted to know it was all real.

But I didn't.

And he took that away from me.

I spoke again and though he never once interrupted me, he wept quietly the whole time.

"You broke my heart, Edward. And you didn't just break it, you shattered it so completely that I'll never be able to salvage the pieces. I trusted you with everything. My life…my love…I handed it all over to you and you promised to love me. You said that you would love me forever. But, you can't love someone and lie to them."

I had to stop to breathe and scrub the tears away from my face.

"I thought that when you told me that you loved me, you meant that you would take care of me and never hurt me. Well, you fucking hurt me Edward…and you can't change that. You've taken everything important in my life and you've destroyed it! You'll never be able to make that better."

He tentatively reached out to me and tried to take my hands. I noticed, for the first time, that he had been on his knees for almost the whole time. Every part of my body ached to reach out to him…to let him take me in his arms and promise me that he would make it better, but I knew the words I'd just spoken to him were true. He wouldn't be able to make this better. And if he really loved me to begin with, he would have never lied to me and hurt me so severely.

"Please, Bella," he begged. "Please…just listen to what I have to say."

I looked down at him through blurry eyes. I couldn't say anything else. He started speaking before I had a chance to stop him.

"I know I hurt you, but you have to know that I never wanted to hurt you…not ever, Bella. _I love you so fucking much_. I've loved you since the first night. I know you don't believe me, but it's the truth. I didn't know then…who you were. It's important that you know that. I didn't know who you worked for, and when I found out…I just…I just couldn't stop myself. I needed to be with you. I could feel it in every part of me. You were made to be mine. You have to know that!" he cried.

His entire body was shaking and trembling before me. His green eyes were burning into my soul and even though I tried, I couldn't see insincerity in them anywhere. _But, what the fuck did I know?_ I didn't know anything. He'd been lying to me this whole time and I'd never once thought that he was.

"The lie got too big and I kept telling myself that I had to tell you. I wanted to tell you tonight. Please, I know I don't have any right to ask this of you, but please…tell me that you believe me."

I couldn't speak, couldn't even begin to process what he was saying to me.

"I love you, Bella. I'll never love anyone else. Please…you have to let me try. I don't deserve it, but I know…you'll never be happy with anyone else. I feel it when you're with me. I know you feel it too. Even now, you feel it. Don't you?"

He lifted himself up and reached his arms around my waist. I felt powerless to stop him. I didn't think I could…didn't know if I wanted him to. He sobbed into my lap, pressing frantic kisses on my stomach. Without permission, my arms reached around him and I pressed him closer to me…my body giving into the connection that we shared. I felt his body shake under my hands as he whispered countless words of thanks and love.

"No one else will ever love you the way that I love you. Please tell me that I can make this better. I know I can, Bella. You just have to give me the chance."

It was then that other words he'd spoken to me, filtered into my clouded and tired mind.

"_This is my opportunity to love you. This is my opportunity to love you and I'm choosing…I've chosen."_

My whole body went numb at the memory and I tensed. He looked at me with pleading eyes and I knew what I had to do. He had hurt me so irrevocably when I'd given him the opportunity to love me. He would do it again. I pushed him away and stood from the couch.

"You had your opportunity, Edward," I said in a voice that didn't sound like my own. "You had it and you pissed all over it."

He was standing now. He reached for my face and pulled me into a deep and searing kiss. I was powerless to stop it and I didn't want to. I knew that I would never love another man the way I loved him. As he kissed me, I could taste the salt of our tears as they tasted like desperation and heartbreak. He had broken my heart…and I was going to break his. I choked out a sob into his mouth and I pushed him away for the final time, still feeling the tingle of his kiss that would always linger.

"I quit." I said, looking directly at him, wiping tears from my cheek with the back of my hand.

"Wh-what?" he stammered.

"I quit," I said louder than before. "I never want to see you again…and I won't be returning to Fineley's."

"Bella, please…stop," he whispered.

"I trust that since you own the fucking company, I won't need to contact anyone else."

"Don't do this."

"I didn't do this," I said, walking away from him and over to the front door. I opened it and turned back to look at him. He looked shattered and destroyed. And though it broke my already ruined heart, I knew that he looked exactly like I felt. "You did this, Edward. I'm just ending it."

My heart was pounding and I knew he had to leave. If he stayed any longer, I would have given into him.

"Get out."

"Please, Bella…I love you."

I couldn't lie to him.

"I love you, too…but you ruined us and now you have to go."

He stood and looked at me, begging me with his eyes to let him stay.

"Get out!" I screamed and it startled him.

He walked slowly to the door and turned to face me.

"I will never stop loving you, Isabella Swan," he whispered so close to my face that I could feel his breath. "And I know that you will never stop loving me."

I could no longer control the tears and I pleaded with him.

"Please, just be merciful and go," I sobbed. "I can't …I can't…I can't make you leave. But you can't stay."

He looked at me for an immeasurable amount of time and even though I knew it would haunt me, I never once looked away. He finally turned and closed the door with a soft click behind him and I sunk to the floor and wept silently for my lost love. I would never recover from this and as I drifted into darkness and Friday turned into Saturday, his words replayed in a loop in my mind and I knew that he was right.

I would never stop loving him.

_Ever._

***************

_**A/N**_

_***cosmo is crying***_

_**Please leave me some love and review. (I need it.)**_

_**To the love of my fic-life, Marvar: Thank you for holding my hand this week and for listening to me cry and whine over this really difficult chapter. You never made fun of me once. (Well, not for anything that had to do with Retail Therapy.) Thank you for asking me questions and for challenging me to make my words better. Thank you for taking this journey with me. I love you so hard!!!!**_

_**To my readers: I know this was a bitch of a chapter to read. It was an even bitchier chapter to write. I cried…a lot. I don't mean that figuratively. You are all so wonderful and encouraging and I totally write for each and every one of you. Darcyward needs some love. Please drop by the thread and leave him some.**_

_**Thank you to the slores who also did their own share of hand-holding and panty-dropping this week. Anais Mark, thank you for the "hug"…it totes made me giggle and snort.**_

_**Lastly, Marvar and I have started writing a fic together! It is super funny and cute and absolutely one of the best Edward's I've seen in the fandom!**_

_**It is called Love in My Box. EPOV by Marvar and BPOV by me. It is published under the penname cosmoandmarvar.**_

_**Please go check it out! I promise you won't be disappointed. It will be a nice change from the heart-fail of this week.**_


	28. Time Would Tell

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a new pair of Miu Miu ballet flats.**_

_**They were a gift to myself for getting through**_

_**writing the last two chapters.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 28

At some point, in the early hours of the morning, a dull and aching pain in my hip bone worked its way into the dark and murky waters of my mind. I tried to ignore it, but the aching turned to throbbing and eventually, I had to roll myself from the protective position of my side where I was holding myself, and onto my back. My body ached and my hip hurt even more as I felt the rush of blood to the area. The floor was hard and unforgiving and I wondered, as I looked around the still dark of the room, if I would ever be free of pain again.

_I wouldn't._

_I knew I wouldn't._

As I lay on the floor of my too quiet apartment, my mind was still spinning and confused. I looked around the dark space that was still the same, yet wholly different in his absence. He had been the light to my previous darkness and now that he was gone, even the darkness that had inevitably returned was painted a deeper and more depressing color.

I knew I needed to lift myself from the floor, but I couldn't move. I felt a tear slide from my cheek and down into my ear. I didn't even know I was crying. Truthfully, I wasn't sure in the moment, if I had ever stopped. Slowly, I stood from the floor. I was cold, but the thought of going to my bed…_our bed_…was overwhelming. I decided, instead, to lie on the couch. I wrapped myself in a throw blanket and willed myself to go back to sleep. If I was sleeping, I couldn't feel. Only, that wasn't true…because even in my dreams, the loss of Edward haunted me.

***************

I was still in darkness, even though it was daylight when I woke up. My eyes blinked rapidly as they tried to adjust to the light and my body felt heavy as I sat up. I was numb, completely numb, but I could still feel the aching in my chest. I breathed in deeply, feeling the dryness of my mouth. My tongue felt thick and I wondered if I could even speak. There was no reason to talk, so I didn't even attempt to try. Memories of the day before plagued my mind and once again, wounded my already injured heart.

_How could he have done this?_

The whole of it felt surreal. It was almost as if I thought I could close my eyes and will it to be untrue.

Pulling the blanket back, I rose from the couch and a wave of dizziness washed over me. I stood still for a moment, trying to find my balance. I wasn't sure what time it was. I walked slowly to the bar in the kitchen to check my phone for the time. When I picked it up I saw that I had seventeen missed calls. I felt a spike in my heart-rate and even though I hated it, I knew it was because a part of me had hoped he called. I looked at the call log and three calls were from Edward. The rest were all from Alice except there was one call from the lobby. He'd called her…I should have known he would. I had five voicemails. I carried the phone back over to the couch and I sat down, preparing myself to listen to the messages.

With a tight chest in my tired body, my trembling fingers hit the call button and I braced myself for what I was about to hear.

The first message was from Edward. His voice was choked-up and frantic. And just from the sound of his voice, I was crying again.

"_Bella, please. Don't do this…please, don't do this. I'm standing in the hall and I can hear you crying, Bella. I hear you crying and it's killing me! Please open the door and let me come back in. We can work through this….together. I know that I fucked up, Bella. But you have to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I only ever wanted to love you. And I do, Bella…I love you. Please, Bella…please!"_

I should have known he'd stay in the hallway…he _always_ stayed in the fucking hallway. And then, just the thought of him standing there, listening to me as I fell apart, made me ill…and even more so when images of the last time he waited in my hall flooded my memory.

"_I just couldn't leave because I knew it would be over." _

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand.

"_I don't want you to let me go," _I'd told him.

"_I won't," _he'd said._ "I promise. I won't let you go." _

I was prompted to delete the message, but I just couldn't do it. So like the stupid, masochistic woman that I was…I saved it. I would listen to it later and wonder how he could love me and lie to me the way he had…for as long as he had. Because, even as devastating as it had been to find out that he owned Fineley's, it was more hurtful and heartbreaking that he had lied about it. He had lied for so long and over and over again…even after I'd begged him to tell me what was going on…pleaded with him to be honest with me and open up to me. I ached for him. I worried about him. I gave him every opportunity to just tell me the truth. And he never once did.

The next message was from Alice.

"_Bella, what's going on? Edward just called and he's panicked and upset. What happened? Are you okay? Please call me as soon as you get this."_

I knew I should call her, but I just wasn't prepared to talk about it yet. I deleted her message and listened to the next one. It was Alice again.

"_Bella, I'm really worried. You're not answering and you won't return my call. Please, sweetie, call me. Tell me what happened. If he hurt you, I'll kill him. If you don't call me soon…I'm coming over. I love you. Call me."_

I deleted her second message and resolved to call her when I was finished. She was worried and I didn't want to worry her.

The next message was from the front desk.

"_Ms. Swan, there is an Alice Brandon in the lobby. She says she needs to see you. We have informed her that she is not permitted to come up without your authorization. Please, call us back. She has informed us that she will wait. She's very persistent."_

As I deleted the message, I resigned myself that I needed to call her. She was probably worried and anxious and I felt guilty for having upset her by not calling her last night…even though I hadn't been in the right frame of mind to speak to anyone. I hadn't even been able to pick myself up from the floor. My breath caught in my throat as I began listening to the last message. It was Edward and he sounded horrible. He sounded the way I felt.

"_Bella…I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I should have told you…I know I should have told you. Please, Bella…please,"_ he choked out a sob and even through the phone it made me cry. _"Please just give me a chance to explain. Please, Bella…I know I don't have the right to ask anything of you, but I love you. I love you so much, Bella. So very much. Please call me and tell me what to do. Bella…I can't breathe without you. You have to give me a chance to make this better. I – I know I can…Bella, I know I can if you just give me a chance. I know that you still love me…and god, I know that I don't deserve it…I never deserved it." _

He stopped speaking and I could only hear his deep and ragged breathing. I wanted to stop listening, but I couldn't. There was a part of me that was relieved to know that he was suffering in the same way that I was suffering and that part of me made me ashamed. Even now…even after everything that had happened…I would never want him to hurt. I gulped as I heard him speak again.

"_I love you, Bella. Please…just please…don't give up on me…on us."_

I hung up the phone and dropped it on the couch beside me. I cried for me…_I cried for him_, for the heartbreak in his voice and for the way I knew he was feeling. I wanted to go to him and throw myself at him and tell him that it would all be okay, but I couldn't. I just didn't know that it could be. How could it be okay, when he was capable of keeping something like this from me?

I don't know how long I sat there numb and aching. It wasn't until my phone rang that I snapped out of my fog. I wondered if it was him, but when I looked at the screen, I saw that it was Alice. I answered it immediately. I said four words through my tears.

"He lied to me."

***************

An hour later, I sat with Alice on the couch in my living room and she held me while I cried. I was surprised that I was still capable of producing tears. Wouldn't that stop at some point? Alice made me drink some water, but I refused to eat anything. The thought of food held no interest for me. After a while, she looked at me and spoke.

"Are you ready to talk about it yet?"

I nodded my head feebly and took a deep breath as she took my hands. And then I proceeded to tell her…everything. She let me talk without interrupting or asking any questions. And when I cried again, she cried with me. Once I was finished, she wrapped her arms around me until I felt as if I'd finally cried myself out.

"So, Edward owns Fineley's?" she asked quietly, finally breaking the silence.

"Yes…or the family," I said, shaking my head. "I'm still not really clear on all of it."

And I wasn't. I realized that there was still so much that I didn't know or understand; questions that I'd really been too upset to ask.

"You know that there is only one way you'll be able to get clarity, don't you?"

"I'm just not sure if I'm ready for that, Alice," I told her. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

She squeezed my hands gently and I felt so comforted by her presence. Two days ago, I thought that I could trust Edward more than anything…more than anyone. But I had always been able to trust Alice. She had never once broken the trust of our friendship and I felt so grateful, in that moment, to have her in my life. My eyes welled again at the thought.

"I just can't believe that he kept this from you."

"And I tried to get him to tell me, Alice," I said. "I knew something was going on with him…and I pleaded with him to tell me so many times, but he never did."

She looked at me with wide, sympathetic eyes, but I could see her thinking about something.

"I can understand why he would have wanted to keep this from you," she told me almost hesitantly. "But you deserved to know this. You shouldn't have had to find out this way."

"It makes me feel like he never really trusted me," I told her weakly. "And I don't know how I would ever be able to trust him again."

"Oh, sweetie…I'm so sorry."

She pulled me into a tight hug and I hugged her back. I leaned back on the couch, bending my knees and pulling my legs underneath me. I knew I must have looked a mess, but it didn't matter with Alice.

"Can I ask you some questions, Bella?" she said, but the tone of her voice made me nervous for some reason.

"Of course," I told her, making my tone match her own.

"I want you to be honest with me," she started. "But mostly, I want you to honest with yourself."

"Okay," I agreed.

"What would you have done on that first night if you found out that he owned Fineley's?"

I thought about her question and I didn't really know what it was she was asking.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean…Bella, I mean…would you have even started a relationship with him?" she asked. "Hell, forget the relationship. Would you have even gone on a date with him or engaged him in any other way that wasn't professional?"

"I don't know," I told her.

Even as I spoke the words I knew they were untrue. I wouldn't have started a relationship with him. I would never have crossed that line. I would have been far too concerned with how it would have been perceived and honestly, it would have been without integrity to have a relationship with someone in his position.

"Bella," she said softly. "I don't believe that's true…and I don't believe that you do either. I know you. You would have walked away from him that night even though you felt something for him. And you _did_ feel something for him. I remember. You told me."

"So, what Alice?" I asked, feeling defensive. "Are you saying that he was right to keep this from me?"

"No…I'm not saying that at all, Bella. I promise," she told me. "I think he was completely wrong to keep this from you. Personally…I want to physically injure him for hurting you this way."

"Then why did you ask that question?"

"I asked it because I want you to think this through, sweetie," she told me. "I want you to look at it from all angles."

"And?"

"You loved him, Bella," she said softly, but with conviction. "You still love him."

"Of course I love him, Alice! I do…but he was the one who did this to us…not me."

"I know that, Bella. And he is going to have to live with the consequences of his actions, but sometimes when you love someone as much as I know you love him…it means you have to be able to consider forgiveness."

And with her words I was crying again.

"I don't know if I can forgive him, Alice," I cried. "Is that what you think I should do?"

"No, sweetie," she said soothingly. "I don't think that at all. In fact, I think you need to make your own decision about this." She pushed an errant strand of hair from my face and gave me a small smile. "I just don't want you to make any rash decisions while everything is still so raw and emotional for you."

"I just don't know what to do," I said, pathetically. "He called last night, you know. A couple of times, actually."

"How did he sound?"

"Terrible."

"He looked…" she said, but stopped herself and my heart started pounding in my chest.

"You saw him?" I asked.

She smiled sadly at me.

"I did, Bella," she told me. "I saw him this morning. He came over to see Jazz."

"Did you talk to him?"

"No," she stated quickly. "I didn't talk to him. I knew something happened after he called last night, but I didn't want to talk to him before I spoke with you. _You_ are my family, Bella…not Edward."

"I know," I said. "Thank you."

I looked down and played with a loose string on my pants. I wanted to ask her how he looked, but I wasn't sure if I should…or even if I wanted to know. But, that was a lie. Of course, I wanted to know. I looked up at her and her expression told me that she was waiting on my question.

"How did he look?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes…no…yes…I don't know," I said, frustrated.

Alice didn't give me any more time for internal deliberation.

"He looked terrible, Bella," she said quietly. "Even worse than you."

"I doubt that," I said sarcastically, but then looked at her. "Really?"

"Yes, really," she said. "Are you sure you can't talk to him?"

I wanted to, but I knew that given the circumstance, I was not in any shape to try to have a conversation with him. It would just go horribly wrong and I couldn't stand to have another emotional and hurtful confrontation. I didn't think my heart could handle it.

"I can't, Alice," I told her honestly. "I just can't do it…not right now."

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to, Bella," she said, as she pulled me into a hug. "None of this is your fault."

"I still love him, you know," I cried into her shoulder. "I _still_ love him and I'm afraid that I don't know if I can be without him, but I also don't know if I can ever trust him again. He hurt me so much, Alice. And not because he owned the fucking company, but because he lied about it! He lied to me for the entire time we were together! He lied when he had every opportunity…_I gave him every opportunity_ to be honest with me." I held onto her tightly as I cried and she just stroked my hair lovingly and soothingly the whole time. "I don't know what to do with that…how to handle it! But, even now…even now, I still love him and I feel like that makes me weak and stupid."

"Shh…" she whispered. "It will be alright, Bella. I promise you'll get through this."

"How do you know?" I whimpered.

She pulled back and forced me to look at her. She had tears of her own in her eyes.

"I know because you're the strongest person that I know, Bella," she told me. "And I want you to know something else."

"What?"

"Loving someone never makes you weak…ever," she said firmly. "And Bella, I don't think that loving Edward makes you stupid."

We sat there for a little while longer before Alice convinced me that I needed to shower. I walked into the bathroom and mechanically stripped my clothes after turning on the water. Once inside, the memories of the previous day overtook me and I cried again. Looking around, I could still see evidence of him everywhere. It was in his shampoo and body wash that he kept here. It was in the razor on the vanity by the sink. And it wasn't evidence that he had been here, it was evidence that he no longer was. I couldn't take it. I closed my eyes tightly and finished washing my hair and got out before I sank miserably to the floor.

As I dressed in my bedroom, the same kinds of imagery flooded my mind. Only this time, the images were much more personal. I looked at my bed…our bed…and I couldn't imagine spending one night without him next to me, holding me, making love to me. I had to get away. I couldn't stay here and try to make decisions. I would never be able to think clearly. Not here surrounded by his things, his scent, his memory.

I knew what I needed to do.

**************

Alice drove me to the airport the next morning. I stayed with her the night before after we packed my things. I decided to fly to Washington for a week to visit Charlie. I needed the time away, and honestly, I needed to be with my father. Charlie was surprised by my call, and though he'd been quiet and reserved on the phone, I knew he was excited about my coming to visit. He didn't ask how I got the time off of work and I didn't volunteer the information. Charlie was too practical to understand my decision to quit my job in this challenging economy. I was a little nervous about that, as well, but I knew that I had enough money in savings to support me for over a year if I needed it. (That was something Charlie had taught me.)

Alice reached over and grabbed my hand.

"You don't have to do this, you know."

"I know," I told her. "I need to, though. I'll never be able to think clearly without some time away."

"I'll miss you and you can call me whenever you need me."

"I'll miss you, too," I told her. "But I don't know what to do."

"Will you…" she started and I looked over at her. "Will you miss him?"

"I already miss him, Alice," I said, silent tears spilling over my cheeks. "I miss him every second."

As we pulled into the terminal, I hugged her in the car. I didn't think I could take a long and drawn out goodbye. My emotions couldn't handle it. One of the airline workers came over to help me unload the luggage and then took it to check in. I kept my handbag and my carry-on. Alice blew me a kiss and I waved to her as she pulled away. I pulled out my phone to send her a text message telling her thank you for everything. Once I was finished, I slipped the phone back into my bag and checked to make sure that I had everything that I needed to board the plane. I turned to head into the airport, pushing back the tears that I was trying to hold at bay.

I pushed open the door and I thought I heard my name. More specifically, I thought I heard _him_ say my name, but I had been hearing his voice in my head for the last two days. I took a deep breath and tried to shake it off, but the voice only grew louder and more persistent.

"Bella…Bella, please stop."

He was there…at the airport…calling my name.

I stood, frozen in the doorway. I couldn't move. I couldn't turn around to see if it was real…if he was really there. My breathing had stopped altogether and I was torn between panic and relief at the thought that he was there. I forced myself to take a deep breath and that was when I felt him touch my elbow. And the energy…our energy surged through my arm and radiated throughout my body. I tried to catch the breath that was rapidly escaping my lungs. His grip was firm, but gentle and I felt my hair brush across my neck, as he leaned down and whispered into my ear.

"Please, stop," he said, his voice low and husky.

His fragrance surrounded me and I had to force myself not to lean back into him.

"Edward."

His name escaped my lips in a low murmur before I knew what had happened and then I closed my eyes.

"Bella," he whispered.

He drew his hand from my elbow, along the length of my arm and stopped on my shoulder. And it felt so good, the way he was touching me. Even through the thick fabric of my coat and sweater, my body recognized his touch. I longed for his touch…needed it. I couldn't force myself to make him stop even though I hated that I needed his touch that way. I opened my eyes, remembering where we were and I said the words he'd just said to me moments earlier.

"Please stop."

I felt him lift his hand from my shoulder, but not before he ran his fingers through the ends of my hair.

"Please, turn around and look at me," he whispered. "Please, just let me see your face."

I didn't know if I could do that, but I didn't know if I couldn't. I needed to see him as much as he needed to see me. I turned slowly, keeping my eyes trained on the boots that I was wearing. I couldn't look up just yet, because I didn't know what his eyes would hold. Would they be a mirror of my own? Sad and lost and confused…and still in love? When I lifted my eyes, I saw every emotion I felt and some that I didn't. Because Edward's green eyes were also filled with regret and apology.

"Thank you," he whispered.

I didn't know what to do…what to say. So, I stood there looking at him for what seemed like an endless amount of time. We were no longer touching, but I could still feel him against every part of my body.

"How did you…?" I started to ask him the obvious question, but he interrupted me.

"It wasn't Alice, I swear," he said. "It was Jasper. I just didn't want you to think she'd broken your confidence."

"Thank you," I said softly. "For telling me that, I mean."

He looked down at me…a million emotions crossing his perfect face. I wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, but I kept my hands in tight fists at my side, willing them to stay down.

"You're leaving?" he asked softly. "You're leaving…because of me."

"I'm leaving because I need some time alone to figure things out, Edward." I told him honestly.

"Please don't feel you have to leave because of me, Bella," he said. "I can give you space…I can stay away."

I laughed without thinking and it was only a little bitter.

"What?" he asked. "What is it?"

"It's just that I know we can't stay away, Edward." I told him. "You're here at the airport. You wouldn't be able to stay away and honestly…I don't know if I would end up wanting you to."

He looked as if he was thinking about what I had said…and really, I'd said far more that I should have.

"I love you, Bella," he said. "I just don't want you to go without knowing that."

My heart clenched at his words and I let out a shaky breath. Tears pooled in my eyes and he tentatively reached his thumb out and wiped them away. His fingers were cool against my warm face.

"I – I love you, too," I whispered. "But I just don't know if I can trust you. I deserve time to figure all of this out…_you owe me that_."

His eyes were pained at my words, but he seemed to resolve something inside himself.

"I'll wait for you, Bella," he said finally. "I'll wait for as long as it takes for you to figure this all out. I meant what I said. I'll never love anyone else."

I don't know what came over me, but I spoke exactly what I was feeling.

"I needed to hear you say that," I said through my tears, my voice breaking on the last word.

He gently cupped my face in his hands as his thumbs continued to wipe away my tears.

"Only you, Bella," he said. "There will only ever be you."

And though I wasn't sure about our future or even our past…in that moment, I believed that Edward was telling the truth.

His eyes held mine and a moment passed between us. I saw as his head bowed to me and I knew that he wanted to kiss me…_was going to kiss me_. And god, I wanted him to. _Truly._ I'd never wanted it more, but I just…couldn't. I couldn't give myself to him like that again. Not then…not after everything we'd been through. I sucked in a deep breath and just before his lips touched mine, I pressed them tightly together. His lips were soft and wet, but they were met with no response. I shook my head and drew my hands up between us and pressed them against his chest…pushing him away even though it physically hurt me to do it.

"I can't, Edward," I whimpered. "I just…can't."

And though, I knew it hurt him, as well…he pulled away graciously and told me he was sorry.

"I have to go," I said.

He didn't try to stop me again and even though it was the most difficult thing I'd ever done, I walked away from him.

I could still feel the wet warmth of his mouth on mine and hear the words he'd whispered to me. And something deep inside me knew that even after everything we'd been through in the last two days, his words had a chance of finding their way into my still-broken heart.

But, only time would tell.

***************

_**A/N**_

_**Leave me some love and review.**_

_**To my fic-wife and soulmate, Marvar: Thank you for everything this week. You joked that you didn't have to beta this chapter much this week, but the truth is that you are responsible for making it so much better. Thank you for your honesty and candid feedback. I found myself a bit lost in the heavy emotions and you provided a fresh and new set of eyes and helped me see where you knew I was going all along. There really are no words for how much I adore you!**_

_**Thank you to my readers. Wow. Really you guys blow me away each and every week. The responses I got for the last chapter were overwhelming and I loved each and every one. You cannot know how much it means to me that you love these characters as much as I do.**_

_**Thank you to KStew411 for the lovely review of Retail Therapy. It made me deliriously happy to read what you wrote. (I'm sorry I gave you heart-fail the week after your review.) If it makes you feel better, I hate angst almost as much as I hate non-canon pairings in fic.**_

_**To the beautiful women that make of the sisterhood of the slores: I love and adore you all! You make me smile and laugh everyday…and I can't wait to see what is going to come out of your mouth next. I'll see you all in Italy on Saturday morning.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who read "Love in My Box". I told you that you would love it and laugh your ass off!**_

_**It will be updating tomorrow morning.**_


	29. Lead You to Me

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I don't own New Moon yet, but I will at midnight on Friday.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 29

**Sunday**

When I arrived at Charlie's, I was exhausted. The drive from Seattle had been easy enough, though I found that I couldn't bear to look at the lush, rich greens that surrounded me. The vivid color only served as a reminder of the deep pools that were Edward's eyes. I could still see them as he looked at me before I walked away in the airport. Walking away from him was the hardest thing I'd ever done. I felt as though I'd lost every bit of the breath that my lungs were holding. I ached to touch him and kiss him…to be touched and kissed _by_ him. I just…couldn't. I needed to step back and try to understand everything that had happened. I needed space to do that. But as I lifted my luggage from the trunk, the space seemed so infinite and Edward seemed so far away…and that made me hurt.

_I missed him._

_I loved him._

_Still._

The lack of the cruiser in the driveway did not surprise me. I had spoken to Charlie and knew that he was pulling a double shift and wouldn't be home until the next day. It was a relief in many ways, though I knew that my father would never pressure me for information. I just needed some time alone and now that I had it, I wasn't sure if I was alone or just…lonely.

I pulled my suitcase up the front steps and retrieved the key from underneath the flower pot. When I opened the door to the house, I was immediately surrounded by all the sights and smells of my childhood. Nothing had changed in the eight years since I'd last lived there. It felt surreal. It felt comforting. Charlie's house had been the only place that I ever felt completely loved and safe as a child. I shut and locked the door behind me and began the daunting task of carrying my things upstairs.

Once inside my room, I noticed that clean sheets and blankets were folded on the otherwise bare bed. I dropped the suitcase and with a sigh, began to make the bed. I found that if I could focus on the mundane tasks that needed to be attended to, I wouldn't focus on the way my chest ached. I wouldn't want to cry at the thought of sleeping alone for the third night in a row. I wouldn't want to pick up the phone and call him and tell him that I'd made a mistake at the airport and that I loved him and needed him with me. Not when I was the one who made this decision. Not when I was the one who wasn't ready. So instead, I made the bed perfectly…I unpacked my things and stored the luggage in the closet…I called Alice to let her know that I'd arrived safely and forced myself not to ask about him…I took a shower and washed the long trip from my tired body…and then I crawled into the small twin bed, wrapping myself in the sheets and blankets that smelled like home.

And I cried.

And I slept.

**Monday**

I awoke to an overcast light illuminating the room, reflecting shades of grey from every surface. It felt appropriate considering the grey state of my life. I wondered what time it was and thought I should get up before Charlie arrived home. Even my broken heart was longing to see my father. I rose from the bed, disregarded my phone and slipped into the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for the day.

I stood in the shower and even with all the sleep, my mind still felt disconnected from my body. I still had no real clarity on what it was I should do. I only knew that I still missed him with every breath I took. Even though I was still angry and hurt, somehow, the pain of missing him was more crippling than the anger. I thought about what Alice had said about forgiveness and I tried to imagine how I would be able to do that. What would my forgiveness look like? What would we look like together after all of this? I couldn't see it, couldn't fathom it. Even more than that, though…I couldn't imagine a forever without him.

As I padded down the stairs, I was confused by the sound of the television coming from the living room. Charlie shouldn't have been home so early. I wasn't expecting him until sometime after twelve. I walked in and found him in the recliner watching ESPN.

"Hey, dad," I said, causing him to turn and look at me. "What are you doing home so early?"

He stood from the chair; his expression wasn't what I'd been expecting. Of course, he looked happy to see me, but concern blended with the happiness and as I watched him approach me and awkwardly take me in his arms, the concern seemed so much more prevalent. I hugged him back tightly, unexpected tears springing from my eyes. His arms held me tighter and he placed a kiss on the hair by my temple. It was the most physical affection that I could remember Charlie ever giving me. He pushed my hair from my face with his rough hand and pulled away from me slowly…almost as if he wasn't sure if he should. And I wasn't really sure that I wanted him to...but, reluctantly, I let him go, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand.

"Bells," he said, looking at me tenderly. His own emotion and worry visible, and catching me off guard. "I'm really worried about you."

I knew he was worried…had to be worried. I'd never done anything like this and even though he didn't know much about my job…he knew that I'd never been able to make a trip home to see him during this time of year.

"I know you are, Dad," I told him honestly. "But, you didn't have to come home early today to check on me. I would have been fine until you finished your shift."

His expression changed from concern to one of complete confusion as he eyed me cautiously.

"I didn't come home early, Bells," he said carefully. "It's six in the evening, sweetheart. I've been home for over five hours."

My mind spun at the thought that I had slept for almost eighteen hours. How was it possible that I had slept for that long? I'd never slept more than eight hours in my adult life…and six hours was my usual amount of sleep on any given normal day.

"How is that even possible?" I asked, my voice husky and thick from my tears. "There's no way I could have slept that long uninterrupted."

"Well," Charlie said quietly. "I wouldn't call it uninterrupted."

"What do you mean?" I asked, trying to figure out what he was trying to tell me.

"Bells, let's go sit down on the couch together." He took my hand and pulled gently, urging me to come. "Tell your old man what's going on."

He led me to the couch and we sat down together. I pulled my knees to my body and angled myself toward Charlie. I looked at him through bleary eyes and I wanted to talk to him…really, I did. But the words just wouldn't come.

"Can…" I started, my voice trembling. I could feel the carefully constructed walls I'd tried to build around my heart begin to crumble. "Can I…can we talk about this later, Dad?"

His expression grew contemplative as he seemed to take in my overall appearance and he let out a long sigh.

"You can talk whenever you're ready, Bella." He reached over and pried one of my hands from the knee that it was clutching. "But I want you to know that I'm here for you…and, Bells….I'm worried about you."

"I know you are, Dad." I squeezed his hand to let him know that I was okay. "I just…I just can't right now."

"You were crying in your sleep, Bells."

My eyes grew wide at his words and suddenly I felt embarrassed and ashamed that my father had seen me in that state.

"You – you heard me crying?"

"I wasn't spying on you or anything," he said quickly, looking even more uncomfortable than me. If that was possible. "I was just checking on you when I got home and saw that you were still sleeping…and you were crying, Bells."

"I'm sorry, Dad."

I looked up into his deep, brown eyes…and in many ways they were a mirror of my own. Guarded yet trusting…deep and expressive. Charlie was quiet and reserved, but I could always see what was going on with him through his eyes. And I knew that meant that he could see what was going on with me.

"I'm here for you, Bells," he said, causing a lump to form in my throat. "Whenever you're ready."

I reached across the space between us and I hugged my father again. It was so much more comforting then our first embrace because I only felt loved without the pressure of an explanation. Eventually, I could feel Charlie grow tense and I knew that he was becoming uncomfortable with our proximity, so I extracted myself from his arms and offered him a sheepish smile.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "You must be."

I hadn't actually thought about food and the thought didn't necessarily appeal to me, but I knew that if I didn't try to eat something, it would only cause Charlie to worry even more.

"I could eat," I offered, though I wasn't sure how convincing I sounded. "Do you want me to make us something for dinner?"

"I was thinking we could order a pizza or something," he said. "There's no need for you to cook tonight. Or we could go into town for something to eat if you'd rather."

"No…umm, pizza sounds good."

He stood up and looked at me hesitantly before bending down to kiss me on the cheek.

"I'll order it," he said. "You just relax."

"Okay, Dad…thanks."

He walked over toward the kitchen, but then turned around and looked at me again.

"It's real good to have you home, Bells," he said and turned to leave before either of us could get emotional again.

We ate dinner together quietly, for the most part. I didn't really taste the food as I ate it, but I could tell that Charlie seemed pleased with the two slices of pizza that I ate. He filled me in on everything that had been going on in town. That didn't really take too long since he wasn't exactly the town gossip. He excused himself to watch television and I cleaned up the pizza box and washed the few dishes we'd used.

As I finished wiping the table and turned out the lights, a wave of exhaustion covered me and I wondered how I could possibly be tired after I'd slept so much. I decided not to try and fight it and I walked to the living room to tell Charlie that I was going to turn in for the night. I kissed him on the cheek and as I was walking from the room, I heard Charlie call my name.

"I forgot to tell you," he said as he stood and walked over to the fireplace, taking something from the mantle. "This was delivered for you today."

I watched as he approached and handed me an envelope. The envelope was blank with the exception of my name hand-written in beautiful script across the middle.

_Isabella Swan_

My hand trembled as I took it from Charlie.

"Who brought this here?" I asked, my voice betraying my anxiety. "There's no address on here."

"It was hand delivered by a courier," he told me. "Just after five today."

I didn't need to open it to know who it was from. And while I wanted to be angry that he was interfering when he said he wouldn't…my heart and mind were in agreement that the only thing they wanted to do was take the letter and run to the nearest place to read it. I had missed him so terribly in the last two days…ached without him. And this…this one small thing that I held in my hand was the only connection that I had to him here.

I could tell that Charlie was curious about it, but he didn't ask me anything. He just turned and headed back to the recliner, saying something about a game and bed. I didn't hear him…couldn't care what he was saying. I could only care about the weightless paper that I was holding that suddenly felt so heavy. I forced myself to walk up the stairs, even though I wanted to run. I entered my bedroom and closed the door, locking it behind me and I sat on my bed and stared at the letter.

I don't know how long I sat there looking at the envelope in my shaking hand. Desperate to open it, but scared about what I'd find inside. My fingers had difficulty opening the letter, but once it was opened, I held the linen paper in my hand. Even his paper was classic and elegant like him. I was surprised I wasn't crying. It was almost as if my body knew that I wouldn't be able to read through the tears. I slowly opened the folded paper and began to read the beautiful script that held no real comparison to the beautiful words.

_My Beloved Bella,_

_I know that you don't consider yourself mine any longer. The fact that you ever did at all, is the only hope that I have to cling to in a world that is otherwise hopeless without your presence. I wonder if you know that…if you ever truly knew that. You are hope, Bella. My hope. I cannot imagine a world without you in it. Even now, in your absence, you still surround me. Your beauty and grace touched every part of my life. And your love, Bella…your love wrapped around every part of my heart and soul. Taking me, claiming me, owning me._

_You own me, still._

_You'll always own me._

_I met you on a Wednesday night. I saw you across the room, felt your presence as you entered. From that moment, I have been yours alone. Please believe me and understand me when I tell you that I didn't know who you were. I didn't know you, yet my heart recognized its other half. My soul recognized its mate. In those brief moments, I knew that I had met the woman that I would spend my life with. I know that you felt the connection, too. I felt it, even though you tried to fight it. You were stronger than me. _

_You're still stronger than me._

_Bella, I know you have questions. You must. Please, just ask me what you want to know. I know that you have no reason to think that I would be truthful, but I swear to you, another lie will never exist between us. Please, just give me a chance to explain why I did what I did. I never meant to hurt you. I know that you might not believe me, but please, you owe it to yourself to have your questions answered. The only way you can do that is to ask. Please, engage in a conversation with me…talk to me…cry with me…yell at me…ask me, Bella. _

_Anything. _

_Please. _

_I will never hold anything back from you again. I love you so completely, yet never completely gave myself to you. Not all of me. Not the part I was afraid you would reject. I will regret that always. Because now I know that you did truly love me. You love me still. I know you do. I feel it emanating from every part of your being. Even now. Even without you…I feel your love. It surrounds me, and my heart and mind are conscious of it. You gave yourself to me…and the beauty of who you are is the most perfect gift that I can fathom. And Bella, I cannot relinquish it…will not relinquish it. Not as long as I know that there is still a part of you that belongs to me. I meant what I said to you the first night that we made love. _

_I will never let go, Bella. _

_I'm begging…please, don't ask me to let go._

_I am not infallible, Bella. I am an imperfect man, but I love you perfectly. I know I shattered your trust, but if you will allow me the possibility of mending the pieces, I swear to god, I will spend the rest of my life placing them back together._

_I told you once that I had always been in love with you and that I was waiting for you to find me. I know that is completely and utterly true. I am here…loving you still and waiting for you to find me. Please, come back to me, Bella. Please, allow me to make amends and to make you happy. I am lost without you. Incomplete is far too inadequate a word to describe my current state. I am nothing without you, Bella._

_I love you._

_I will always love you._

_I will never hurt you again._

_Please, return to me._

_Always, my love,_

_Edward_

I sat on the bed, trembling and crying as the beautiful words..._his_ beautiful words found the pieces of my broken heart and clouded my fragile mind. I tried to cry quietly, so that Charlie wouldn't hear me, but I wasn't sure how well I managed. I wanted to read his words again, but the tears wouldn't stop and everything written on the paper was just a series of blurry lines of black and white.

I needed to wipe the tears from my eyes, but I didn't want to release the letter long enough to do it. So, I sat there on the bed, holding this tangible representation of him, of his love...and I continued to cry silent tears that spilled from my cheeks and onto my shirt.

My crying eventually began to subside and as I rapidly blinked my eyes, clearing away the remaining tears...I read his words again. I lost myself in the love and anguish that had so obviously been poured into every single declaration and promise. And I wanted nothing more than to wrap myself in his strong arms, surround myself in his love...and my heart wanted to forgive and believe him. But, that was the issue, wasn't it? It had never been a question for my heart. Even though it was shattered beyond the point of recognition...it _still_ loved and recognized _him_. It still knew to whom it belonged.

_Edward._

It would always belong to him. He had been right. There would never be another. My heart would love him as long as my body could take in breath...but what about my mind?

Could I forgive him?

Could I ever completely trust him again?

I reached for my phone on the night stand, continuing to hold onto the letter. I could hear the pounding of my heart...could feel the way that every inch of my person ached to hear his voice. I held my breath and I dialed his number.

I didn't even hear a ring before I heard his voice.

"Bella."

It was a whisper...a sigh. And I heard such relief in his voice that it broke my heart all over again. Because I understood that if I needed to hear his voice this much, he would have needed to hear mine.

I choked out a sob and couldn't even form the words to speak. I just sobbed quietly into the phone...hearing his voice...holding his letter. I wanted to tell him that I'd read his letter. I wanted to tell him what it meant to me...how important his love and his words were, but I could find no words of my own.

His voice broke through my tears and my body calmed and stilled at just the sound.

"Shh..." he whispered. "It's okay, Bella. Just calm down. It's okay...please stop crying. It fucking breaks me to hear you cry...to hear it and know that it's my fault. Please, Bella. Please stop crying."

I could hear him breathing and even the sound of his breath gave me comfort. I still couldn't speak…even though I wanted to. I was afraid of what I would say…afraid that I would beg him to come to me. But when I'd left for Forks, I left because I needed space. I couldn't tell him to come. I couldn't tell him to come…because I knew he would.

"Please, Bella…say something…anything," he rasped.

The pain in his voice nearly crippled me and I forced myself to speak.

"I miss you, Edward," I choked out. "I miss you…but I don't know what to say."

His response was immediate and completely loving and understanding.

"Then, don't say anything, Bella," he said, his voice much lower than before. "Please…just let me talk to you. I would stay here on the phone with you all night…just to hear you breathe. Please, Bella…don't hang up."

He wanted to stay with me…even if I didn't say a word. He would stay with me…just to feel the connection.

_Our connection._

Just the thought of that, simultaneously hurt and soothed me.

"Please, don't hang up," he whispered again.

*

*

*

"I won't."

And it was with those words that I heard Edward's long exhale and he began speaking. He spoke of his love for me and whispered words of apology. He told me he missed me and that I would never know what it meant to him that I'd called. With every word he spoke, I felt my tense and tired body relax…my wounded and troubled soul find comfort and peace for the first time in days. I cried and he offered soothing reassurance through his words.

Sometimes he was quiet and I would listen to his steady breathing. He never once asked me to say anything else…seeming content to listen to my breathing as well. This went on for such an extended period that I no longer cared about the time. I only cared that I could hear him; even if I couldn't see him or touch him…I could still _feel_ him. And the warmth of our broken love wrapped around and cradled me as if it were his arms.

Somewhere in the night, my body found rest and I fell asleep listening to Edward's breathing and his perfect and beautiful words.

**Tuesday**

I awoke the next morning, my silent and dead phone the only evidence that the events of the previous night had actually taken place. I felt rested for the first time in days. I rolled out of bed and plugged in my phone to charge. I showered and dressed for the day and tried not to think about calling Edward. The night before had been cathartic…for both of us, I believed…but I still wasn't sure where it left us. I wasn't sure where we stood. I knew that I was in love with him, but I also knew that we still had a lot of things to work through.

I padded down the stairs and found that Charlie had already left for work. I saw the paper and his empty coffee mug on the table. I thought I should try to eat something, but I realized that Charlie probably didn't have anything that would pass as healthy food in his kitchen. I looked in his refrigerator and discovered that I was completely correct. He didn't even have milk. I decided to drive to the grocery store just to give myself something to do.

While I was retrieving my handbag, I heard a knock at the door. I walked down the stairs and opened the door. It was a courier with another delivery for me. My heart stopped and then began beating so rapidly, I thought I would have a panic attack. I signed for the letter and closed the door behind me.

I walked to the living room and sat down on the couch, holding the letter as if it would crumble to pieces in my hands. I felt the tears start to pool, but I blinked them away, wanting and needing to see what he had written this time. Had he planned this? What could he possibly have to say that he didn't say in the letter I'd read the night before? I opened the linen paper of the envelope and began to read.

_My Beloved Bella,_

_I love you._

_Truly._

_I will never love another._

_There is only you._

_There will only ever be you, my love._

_I know that I hurt you and I will regret that for the rest of my life._

_But I can promise that I will never hurt you again._

_And I will devote myself to proving this to you for as long as you need reassurance._

_I know you needed space, but I cannot tell you what it meant that you allowed me to talk to you last night._

_That you gave me the gift of hearing you fall asleep._

_That you gave me the hope that I was, in some way, capable of providing you with comfort._

_You are all of those things to me, Bella._

_You are a gift._

_You are my hope._

_You are my comfort._

_Bella…you are my love._

_I am here._

_I am waiting._

_I know we have much to work through._

_And I know that you can make me no promises or reassurances._

_But I will give you whatever it is that you need._

_I only know that every path I have taken has led me to you._

_Please just step outside your door._

_It will lead you to me._

_Yours Eternally,_

_Edward_

He was there…in Forks…just outside my door.

The letter slipped from my hands, floating to the ground.

***************

_**A/N**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**This chapter is for Marvar, my beta, goddess and friend. She has been waiting on the love letter chapter since she became my beta nearly four months ago. I hope it was worth the wait. Thank you for everything you do…your talent and exceptional personality make doing this so much more fun! I love you hard!!!! And I'm so looking forward to our date on Saturday night! *kisses***_

_**The slores still rule all! Thank you for making me smile and laugh on a regular basis. And thank you for allowing me to leave the University for extended periods of time, so that I am able to write. I love you guys even more than SR. (And we all know that I adore him!)**_

_**To my readers: Thank you for sticking with me through the last three chapters…and quite honestly…thank you for sticking with me for the twenty-six before that! I love and appreciate you all. Each and every one.**_

_**What owns me this week:**_

_**I started reading Bella Voce by Morgan Locklear. It is fabulous! It is so sharp and witty with wonderful and vivid imagery. Bella is fierce! And you know how I love a strong Bella! You should definitely check it out. I read all five chapters in one sitting.**_

_**Somewhere In Between by Kassiah updated this week and I know I've recc'd it before…but this last chapter owned me!**_

_**LiMB updates tomorrow! Forthwithward is still hilarious! We are writing it under the penname cosmoandmarvar. Check it out if you haven't yet. I promise that you'll laugh!! It is impossible not to.**_


	30. Of Love and Trust

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a new pair of Lucky jeans and a pair of rainbow earrings **_

_**that I will be wearing to pride fest on Sunday with my bestie. **_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 30

I watched the letter fall, completely conscious of it, but entirely unconcerned that I no longer held it in my hands. Because the words that the letter held told me that he was there…outside…waiting for me.

Was he really there?

I didn't even stop to think about it. I sprinted; my feet carrying me faster than I could comprehend what was happening. My body reacting to something my mind didn't have the capacity to process. Before I knew it, I was at the front door, my trembling hand on the knob. I couldn't think about it…wouldn't have dreamed of trying to decide what was right. Because I didn't know what was right anymore. Not a single moment of my life had been right since he left…since I made him leave.

And even though I didn't know if opening the door was the right thing…I knew it was the _only_ thing that I could do. Because if he was there behind the door, there was _nothing_ that could stop me.

Not even myself.

I opened the door, looking down at my feet. I was afraid to look up…afraid that he wasn't really here and that I had misunderstood the words in his letter. Slowly, so slowly…I looked up and he wasn't there. There was no one on the porch and my heart fell to my stomach. He wasn't there. And just as devastation took hold, my eyes fell…and then I saw him.

He was standing at the bottom of the stairs in a pair of jeans and a green cashmere sweater with a black coat. I gasped. His eyes had dark circles underneath them and his cheeks were flushed from the cold. His hair was in a crazy mess of disarray as if he'd been running his hands through it constantly. And knowing him, he probably had been. And he was looking at me with all the love and emotion and even the same fear that I was feeling inside. In other words...he was perfect.

He had always been perfect.

My whole body buzzed with anticipation and trembled from his proximity. I couldn't move, but I couldn't take my eyes from him, either. I stood there, frozen. Afraid that if I moved, it would all go away and I would wake up from a dream. This dream that was Edward. But he was there...still there. And then I heard my name as he whispered it.

"Bella."

It floated across to me as if it were carried by the breeze that was blowing gently around us. It whispered in my ear a thousand things that I would never be able to articulate, but that my heart understood completely. I let his presence permeate my being and even though I wasn't sure it was true...that he was actually here...that he had written to me and whispered to me as I fell asleep the night before. Even though I couldn't believe it was true...my body knew. My body understood and without warning or notice, I flung myself down the stairs and into his arms.

I hit him with such force, I thought it might knock him over, but it didn't. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I threw my arms around his neck and I cried into his shoulder as he pulled me closer to him. I was feeling so overwhelmed that he was there, holding me. He whispered into the hair that was covering my face.

"You came…you came outside."

This only caused me to cry harder as I nodded my head and I clutched his neck, my fingers pressing hard against his skin. He lowered his hands around the swell of my hips and lifted me and it felt so good…so natural. I wrapped my legs around his waist trying to get closer to him…needing to feel him pressed against me.

I felt him pull his face back and I realized that he wanted to look at me. My face was still pressed in the crook of his neck and before I could look at him, I needed to do one thing. I pressed my lips against his neck and kissed him. It was soft and wet and I wanted him to feel in that one gesture what I was unable to say in that moment. Because I didn't really know what to say…I only knew that I was happy he was there. Happy didn't even begin to cover the emotions that were coursing through me. Happy was nothing compared to the tremendous sense of relief that washed over me because of his presence…it was absolutely insignificant when weighed against the crushing love that I felt for him.

The moment that my lips touched his skin, he groaned. It was a sound unlike anything I'd ever heard from him. It was filled with pain and relief and passion and love…and I _knew_ it. I knew what that sound meant…I knew it because it expressed all of the emotions that I was feeling. I pulled back, finally looking into his eyes, bringing my hands to his face and cupping them over his cheeks. I saw his parted lips and I felt his breath escape and ghost across my face…and I _wanted_ to kiss him.

His eyes were filled with swirling emotions that melded together in one bottomless pool of anguish…and hope. I focused on the hope. With his eyes never leaving mine, he opened his mouth to speak.

"I…"

Before he could get one word out I covered his mouth with my trembling hand. I felt him suck in his breath as the air pulled through my fingers. A silent moment passed between us and I thought I heard his whisper, "Please."

And with the possibility of that word, my mouth replaced my hand and we were kissing. His lips were forceful as they slid against mine. I opened to him willingly and it was as if I couldn't get enough…

he couldn't get enough. One of my hands pushed into his hair and the other stroked his cheek in a manner that was far more needy than graceful. His skin was cold and his breath was hot as his

tongue slid across my bottom lip and into my mouth. I cried into his mouth as he pulled me closer and I wrapped my legs around him tighter, refusing to allow any space to come between us. There

had already been far, too much space.

His lips pulled away from mine and I sucked in a dizzy breath as his mouth moved down my neck, licking and sucking and whispering my name.

"Bella…oh, god…Bella."

My head leaned back, the skin of my neck stretching and pulling tight and I gasped at the feeling of his mouth on me.

It was loving.

It was urgent.

It was needy.

It felt so good and though no one was around, it occurred to me that we were in the front yard for anyone to see. I placed my hands in his hair, pulling gently.

"Edward," I managed to rasp.

His eyes immediately shot to mine as he heard the sound of my voice. I could feel the cold air blowing against the abandoned, wet skin of my neck as he whispered.

"Is...Is…is everything alright?"

The anxious look on his beautiful eyes distracted me from my original thought and I found that I was nodding my head, in answer to a question that I couldn't even remember.

"You're here," I whispered. "You came."

The worry on his face seemed to dissipate at my words, his tender eyes growing immeasurably softer. He brought one of his hands up, still holding me with the other and gently pushed a strand of hair from my face. His hand remained on my cheek as he lightly stroked the line of my cheekbone.

"I know I told you that I would give you space, Bella," he murmured. "But, I…but, I just couldn't stay away."

"I didn't want you to."

The words fell suddenly from my lips before I had a chance to consider what I was saying, but it was the truth and I couldn't feel sorry about telling him the truth. His eyes were searing as he considered my words.

"Please," I whispered. "We need to go inside."

I looked around as if to make him aware of our surroundings and when I looked back at him, he dragged his thumb across the tender and swollen flesh of my bottom lip.

"Will you come inside with me?" I whispered again, unsure as to why I was suddenly feeling so nervous.

"Bella," he whispered. "I will come wherever you want...I want to be wherever you are."

I released my legs from around his waist and he supported me as I slid to the ground. I looked at him and took his hand in mine and led him up the stairs and into my father's house. Once inside, he

pulled me back against him, kissing me fervently, passionately. I returned his kiss with a force that surprised me and before I could stop myself, I was leading him up the stairs to the small bedroom.

We shut the door behind us and Edward wrapped his arms around me again, claiming my mouth and kissing me with abandon. It felt good…it felt right. Nothing was right without him. And it wasn't that my heart _wasn't_ broken…it was that it didn't matter that it _was_ when he was there…kissing me and loving me and holding the pieces together.

He led us to the small twin bed in the center of the room and even though my mind was screaming that it was wrong for us to be doing this, my body was screaming louder.

Needing him.

Wanting him.

Loving him.

He laid me in the bed, kissing me wetly and openly as he hovered above me. In one swift and graceful movement, his body was covering mine and I could feel all of his perfect weight against me. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, feeling his arousal pressing against me. The feel of him…all of him consumed and controlled me. We were so connected physically. We always had been. Even in the beginning. I felt him slide his hand under the cotton of my shirt and I gasped into his mouth and his hand found my bra-covered breast. His fingers deftly slid underneath the wire and the feel of his warm hand on my flesh was like a flame that seared and soothed me all at the same time.

He groaned into my mouth and I reached my own hand between us, dragging down his chest and abdomen. I found his erection and I pressed and squeezed it in my hand through the denim of his pants. His mouth moved to my neck and he whispered words against my skin that I couldn't quite hear, but completely understood.

They were passion.

They were lust.

They were love and elation.

Somewhere in the corners of my hazy mind, a little voice began to whisper that this was wrong. We couldn't make us better this way. This wasn't working through our issues…this was our way of hiding from and avoiding them. I moved my hand from him, causing him to cry out against my neck and I reached for his elbow and pulled his arm, trying to get him to release my breast. He lifted his head and his eyes searched mine. They were deep and dark with longing and desire.

"I just can't, Edward," I whimpered. "Not yet."

He pulled me closer, crushing me against his chest. The way that he was holding me was almost painful, but I was too scared to pull away. I didn't want to. I needed him this way…holding me tight and feeling like I couldn't get any closer.

"I love you so much," he said against my ear, his voice reverberating and his breath hot and wet.

"I love you, too," I told him honestly. "And there is nothing I would rather do than make love to you…but I just…can't, Edward." My voice was thick and full of tears. "Everything gets so cloudy and I can't see beyond it. And as much as I _want_ to…as much as I _need_ you…we _can't _fix this with sex."

As the words fell from my mouth, I clung to him, so afraid to let go…afraid that the desolation and emptiness of the last few days would return. I knew I was sending him mixed messages and as much as it physically pained me, I knew I had to be the one to pull away. I tried to disentangle myself from his arms and it only caused him to hold me tighter. I looked at him, beseeching him with my eyes to release me. There was something there…in his eyes. Something that tugged and pulled at my heart…and stopped me.

He was afraid.

"Please don't pull away from me, Bella," he whispered anxiously. "I know we need to talk and I'll give you the answers that you're looking for…but please…don't pull away from me."

"I won't pull away from you, Edward," I whispered. "I don't want that at all."

And it was the truth. I didn't want to pull away from him. I wanted to wrap myself up in him and never leave his side, but he had lied to me…he had kept something huge from me when I'd done nothing but give myself to him completely. He owed me the truth and we would have to work from there.

He seemed to relax and he lessened his grip on me, but his eyes were piercing as they searched mine and I could still feel all of his tension and anxiety. I reached up and touched his face, stroking his cheek and I loved him so much in that moment, but we had to talk. I needed to know the truth. I needed to understand how he could have kept something like this from me…how he could have lied.

I pulled away and he released me. We both sat up on the tiny, bed and faced each other. I crossed my legs and Edward did the same. Our knees were touching and I don't know why, but that gave me comfort. In an attempt to show him that I was being honest…that I didn't want to pull away from him, I reached across and took one of his hands in mine. He exhaled loudly and offered me a sad smile. I gently squeezed and caressed his hand, gently pressing my thumb along his palm.

"Where do you want me to start?" he asked hesitantly.

"I want you to tell me why."

He looked at me and I could tell that he was nervous and scared, but his expression also held a quiet determination, a resolve. I prayed that he was finally ready to tell me the truth. More importantly, and probably most paramount, I prayed that I was willing to listen and understand. Because there was still this nagging part of my mind that simply couldn't grasp how he could have lied to me for so long. Not when I'd never lied to him.

He squeezed my hand back gently and started talking.

"I meant what I said in the letter, Bella. I didn't know who you were when I met you the first night. I only knew that I wanted to know you."

He looked at me and his eyes were completely open and the honesty was transparent. I felt a tear slip down my cheek at just the memory of that night. I remembered the connection that we shared...the energy had been thick and palpable.

"I wanted to know you, too," I told him. "You were such a mystery to me, but I felt like I knew you. I don't know how to explain it." I shook my head, trying to find the right words.

I looked at him, not wanting to get sidetracked. He already knew how I felt about that night and I believed him when he said that he didn't know who I was.

"What about the next morning?" I asked. "The day you came into the store? What were you doing there?"

He sighed deeply, looking at me with trepidation. I could see the vein in his neck pulsing and I watched intently as he swallowed. He was nervous. I rubbed his palm with my thumb once again, just to let him know that it was okay. Even though I wasn't sure that it could be after he finally explained everything.

"The acquisition of the stocks was fairly recent. I had been researching companies that had consistent growth in the last eight quarters. Fineley's fit the profile and had the added bonus of being a company that was branded in the marketplace. On top of that, The Fineley's name was recognizable and something that could be leveraged for future growth."

He looked at me as if to gauge my understanding. I took a breath and spoke.

"I understand how it works, but I appreciate you telling me why you acquired the stock. Tell me why you came into my store that morning...if you didn't know who I was."

He smiled a tight smile at me and continued speaking. His voice was low and shaky, which was so unlike him.

"Like I said, the acquisition was recent, and to be honest, we didn't really know much about the industry. I was coming into your store just to get a feel for what the daily operations of the store were like. What was the service level? What were the standards like? I wanted to see the culture of the business on a store level."

"And?" I asked. "What did you find?"

His eyes softened for the first time since we'd started talking and he brought his free hand up to my face. He stroked the skin there, holding my gaze and causing my breathing to hitch. His touch combined with his expression was almost enough to be my undoing.

"I found so much more that I ever expected, Bella," he whispered. "I found you."

I could feel my bottom lip begin to tremble at his words that were spoken softly. I wondered how he was able to do that with just the turn of a phrase. It was always his words. I was always so enamored by them...so taken and consumed with them. He had always been able to eloquently and passionately profess and promise his love, but it had been his lack of words that were the real issue. How could he so easily promise to love me...to be in love with me...and still be able to keep a secret like this? Something that affected me so directly. I still couldn't understand that.

I didn't know if I would ever be able to understand that.

"Tell me about that day in the store," I said softly. "Walk me through why you did what did. Because, Edward, I still don't understand."

He ran a finger in circles around my knee, causing me to shiver. He breathed in deeply and then cleared his throat before speaking.

"I've told you about this before, but I will tell you again in the light of the truth." He winced as he said the last word. "I was walking around the store making observations and everything seemed to be in order. Nothing stood out to me. I was standing in cosmetics looking at the bays and I swear to god, I _felt_ you before I saw you."

He looked at me and the green of his eyes had grown dark.

"I had been thinking about you all night, Bella. I couldn't get you out of my mind. When I looked across the store and saw you, I lost my breath."

He brought his hand up from my knee and threaded his fingers through my hair, grabbing it gently. And just like him, I lost my breath. He was so beautifully and perfectly vulnerable in that moment. He eyes gazed into mine and it was almost as if I could feel the pounding of his heart through his fingers as they touched me. I didn't know what to say, what to do...but before I could decide, he continued.

"You were beautiful. You were perfect and as happy as I was to see you again...and Bella," he whispered, "I was so happy to see you. But, even in the midst of my elation, I realized what a disaster it all was. You worked there. I didn't know in what capacity...but I could tell that you were an executive."

I felt his hand move from my hair down my neck and then he placed his palm against my heart. I could only feel it because he was still holding my gaze and the intensity of his stare made it impossible to look away. I was lost in him...in his words...in the way that he was making my heart beat erratically. And I knew that he could feel it.

"I just stood there...watching you," he continued. "I couldn't bring myself to move. And it wasn't just you. I was watching the way that the people around you responded to you. That didn't surprise me, however. I knew what being around you was like. I could still remember every moment of our encounter the night before. Every second was still completely vivid in my memory. I left the store and I went to a restaurant to try to figure out what to do. I knew that it was an impossible situation, but, Bella..." he said, his voice growing impossibly lower, "I also knew that it would be impossible for me to stay away from you, so I came back. I knew, Bella. I fucking knew that I had to make you mine! It was selfish and it was wrong for me to do it that way, but I knew. And I know, Bella," he said as he pressed his palm harder against my heart. "I know that you knew, too. Even if you weren't ready or willing to admit it."

He paused as he took a deep breath. His hand still pressed against my chest and his expression darkened and concerned me.

"Is everything alright, Edward?" I asked.

He leaned forward, asking permission with his eyes. I wasn't sure what he was going to do, but I knew that I was in no frame of mind to stop him. His hand gripped the fabric of my shirt tightly and he pressed a kiss to the exposed skin of my neck. His lips were soft and I whimpered at his affection. He pulled back and looked at me and with a thick voice, he told me thank you.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered.

"Why?" I asked him, wondering what had happened to cause the sudden shift in his demeanor. "What's wrong, Edward?"

"I just…" he said. "It's just that I'm so fucking sorry, Bella. I lied to you from the very beginning."

And just like that, with his words and his painfully evident heartbreak, my own heart broke again and I found myself reaching for him to offer him comfort. He seemed visibly confused by my reaction, but the moment my hands found him, he leaned into me wrapping his arms around me, clutching my back and pulling me closer to him. I was overcome with all the emotions circling around us in the small space of the twin bed. I didn't even know that I was crying until I felt the tears on his sweater. It didn't deter him at all, if anything, it only caused him to cling to me tighter. The way we were holding each other was awkward because of the way that we were sitting.

He seemed to notice my discomfort, but he wasn't willing to release me and let go of the contact. I didn't want him to.

"Please, Bella," he whispered. "Please just let me hold you while we talk."

I pulled back to look at him and for the first time, I saw just how tired and distressed he looked. He was still beautiful, of course, but the dark circles under his eyes were more pronounced then I remembered from outside. He face was pale without the flush from the cold. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep or…crying. The thought of Edward crying like I had was too much for me to bear. I nodded my head and cupped his face in my hands, tracing his dark circles with my thumbs. He leaned back against the headboard and I crawled into his lap, wrapping my legs around him and pulling him into my arms.

We stayed like that together for a while, just holding each other as I laid my head against his chest and he gently stroked my back. I felt his body relaxing and I felt myself melting against him. He didn't make an attempt to talk again…and I didn't ask him. I needed a while to process what he'd said. After a while I pulled back and he looked at me with soft, sad eyes.

"I love you so much," he murmured, his voice raspy. "I'm so sorry, Bella…for all of this."

"You look so tired," I said. "Have you slept at all?"

"It's nothing," he told me. "It's just enough to be here with you."

He pulled me closer, inhaling deeply and breathing in my scent.

Somewhere in between the lines of his words, I knew that he would suffer just to be there with me. I didn't want him to suffer. Even though I didn't know where we stood or where we were going, I knew that I loved him and I couldn't stand to see him like that.

"You need to rest, Edward," I said, my voice soft and loving.

"Please, Bella," he whispered. "I don't want to leave you yet. I don't think I can. I'll be fine. Please, don't ask me to leave."

I realized that he thought I was asking him to go when that couldn't have been further from the truth. It caused me to choke back a quiet sob at the thought that he would have expected that from me.

"Don't cry, Bella," he said. "I can't stand the thought of your tears…it hurts me to know that I have caused you this much pain."

"I'm not asking you to go, Edward," I told him, my voice thick and full of the tears I still hadn't shed. "Please. Stay. Rest…here with me."

His eyes widened at my words and he gasped so quietly, that had I not been so close to him, I wouldn't have heard it.

"You would let…" he started. "You want me to stay?"

"I don't want to let you go either, Edward," I told him honestly. "Please, just stay here with me and rest. We can talk more later."

"Thank you," he whispered before pulling me into a soft and deep kiss.

I kissed him back and even though it wasn't filled with urgency or driven by lust…it was filled with as much need and passion as any other kiss we had ever shared. I knew we had so many things left to say and so many questions that needed to be asked and answered, but as I held Edward in my arms, the only thing that I could focus on was the feeling of his heartbeat against mine and that he was here…and he loved me enough to want to open up and finally tell me the truth.

As we lay down in my tiny bed together, Edward covered us with the blanket and wrapped his arms around me. I wasn't tired, but there was nowhere I wanted to be, but there in his arms…listening to him sleep. As he was drifting off, he whispered in my ear.

"I know you don't know everything, Bella, but do you…do you think that there's a chance that you'll be able to forgive me?"

I turned in his arms to face him, wanting him to see my eyes when I answered.

"You've always had a chance, Edward," I told him honestly.

"I love you, Bella…so much."

"I love you, too, Edward," I whispered. "I never stopped."

The dark and overcast light of day turned to twilight as Edward slept in my arms. He never once released me and I never once wanted him to. I thought about all the things he'd said…and I thought about all the things he'd yet to say. And in the quiet stillness of the tiny bed in the tiny bedroom, I heard him whisper my name and tell me he loved me and I realized that somehow…it was possible that he would be able to find his way back to me. But more importantly, even with all the questions that I still had…I knew that I wanted to find my way back to him. As the peace of that realization covered me like the darkness, I looked at the face of the person that could still illuminate my life.

I just needed to trust him.

***************

_**A/N**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**There isn't enough love in the world to send to Marvar, my beta, ficwife, soulmate and friend. Thank you for everything. Truly. Everything. Your feedback on this chapter was so important and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the time and energy that you spend on this story with me. You continue to surprise and amaze me…and I know that if I talk to you long enough…the words will always come. (Not cum.) I love you hard!**_

_**Oh…I still (and always) love the slores! You guys always make my day…and nights! Thank you for all the calls, texts, emails and thread conversations. I don't know that I have ever met a more intelligent, funny and downright dirty group of women! I was made to be in this club! We are like the Pink Ladies of FanFic, but instead of pink satin jackets, we wear Cosabella slips.**_

_**Thank you to my readers. I love and appreciate each and every one of you. Your reviews, PMs, thread comments and tweets always brighten my day. **_

_**I found out on Tuesday that I will be travelling all next week with my job. I will have my computer, but I'm not sure how much writing I will actually be able to accomplish. I will post on Thursday if I can, but if not, I will definitely be back to my 'regularly scheduled programming' the following week.**_

_**LiMB is on schedule to post tomorrow morning. Please check it out. We are writing under the penname cosmoandmarvar. I promise that you will laugh and fall in love with this Edward!**_


	31. The Long Talk Goodnight

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own the new Chanel Fragrance, Chance Eau Tendre. It is lovely.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 31

I awoke to the feeling of Edward's soft breath on my neck. His arms still wrapped tightly around me and his fragrance covering me and filling my senses. It felt so…so right. Just the feeling of him there with me and holding me while we slept was the most natural thing in the world. It was like my mind couldn't recall the last five days because there in the small space, with his body pressed against mine, everything was as it should be.

In the dark of the room, I could see his face. He still slept peacefully. Even with his eyes closed, I could still see the dark shaded circles beneath his lashes. His full lips parted slightly, his breathing was slow and came in gentle wisps across my neck and face. Without thinking, I pulled him closer to me. His body shifted and came willingly, effortlessly. It was warm in the little bed, almost too warm, but that didn't matter. I would have lain in fire at that point just to be near him.

It was with that realization that I began to get nervous. How much I needed him scared me. It always had. But things were so different now. We were different. We were no longer in a relationship that was perfect. Not that our relationship had _ever_ been perfect…I knew that now. It was just that before, I thought he would never hurt me. All of that changed on Friday and I didn't know if we could find our way back from this…this place.

I brought my hand up to his face, touching it gently with my hand. His cheek was rough with the shadow of facial hair. Instinctively, he pressed against my palm and let out a sigh. It was still amazing to me that even in his sleep, his body reacted to me. I was certain that mine would react the same way. And not just to his touch, but just to _him_. Like the night before when my body was able to find rest just by listening to his voice. I was in love with him…wholly, completely, but I wasn't sure if that love was enough to collect the scattered pieces of our relationship and place them back together.

Keeping my hand on his face, I pressed my other hand against his heart. I felt the steady thrum of the beat that I'd assumed would always match in time with mine. It was then that I heard him whisper my name.

"Bella."

Just my name. I understood that in the same way that his body reacted to me in his sleep, his heart and mind called out to me, as well. It was nothing more than a whisper, but the volume rang out clearly in the dark, quiet of the room. I knew he loved me. I just couldn't understand how he could lie to me and love me like that at the same time. Was that even possible?

I wanted it to be possible.

I found that I wanted nothing more than to kiss him. Just to feel the warmth of his lips against mine again. I didn't want to wake him up, though. He had been so exhausted before and I wanted him to rest. I decided that it would just be enough to hold him…so I did. I lay there in his arms and I soaked up every ounce of the comfort and love that I felt…and I tried to make him feel – even in his sleep – as much comfort and love as he was giving me.

I never went back to sleep. I had slept so much in the last two nights; my body was actively fighting against it. At some point during the night, I needed to use the bathroom. Not wanting to wake him up, I gently extracted myself from the warmth of his embrace, but not before softly pressing my lips to his cheek. I slid from the bed, and left the room.

While I was in the bathroom, I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time since the week before, I didn't see bluish dark circles under my eyes, and my eyes weren't pink and blood-shot from crying. My face wasn't puffy and swollen and I felt like I looked like myself again.

Edward did that.

His being there with me did that.

It was with that realization that I knew I wanted to do that for him.

I quietly entered the bedroom, carefully closing the door and I turned to head back to the bed. As my eyes adjusted to the dark again, I saw that he was no longer asleep, but rather sitting up in the center of the bed.

"What is it?" I asked, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I - I thought you left," he said softly, as I walked over toward the bed. "I woke up and you weren't here...and I thought that maybe you had left."

When I reached the edge of the bed, I saw his hand reach out to me, almost nervously, and before I could reach out to take it, he dropped it into his lap. It confused me and I wasn't sure if I should reach out to take it, but I thought about the vulnerability I'd heard in his voice and I could see the uncertainty in his eyes and I didn't want him to feel that. I didn't want him to feel, for one moment, that I didn't want him here with me.

I crawled on the bed and slid as close as I could to him and I reached my own shaking hand out and clasped his with mine. I could feel him relax at my touch...or maybe it was me relaxing at his. I didn't know anymore and after everything that had passed between us, I knew it didn't matter.

"I just had to take a human moment," I tried to joke with him.

He smiled a soft smile that seemed sad and thankful all at the same time. He was looking at our joined hands and I wondered why he wasn't looking at me. I lifted my other hand to his face, tilting it up and looked in his eyes.

"Hey," I whispered. "I never left. I've been right here with you…in your arms all night while we slept."

"I wouldn't have blamed you if you had gotten up," he said, and I could hear the truth that he felt in his words. Only his truth and my truth were on opposite ends of the spectrum.

"I wanted to be here with you, Edward," I told him with gentle conviction. "Where else would I want to be?"

"Thank you, Bella," he whispered. "So much."

"You're welcome," I whispered. "You still look so tired, Edward...you need to sleep."

He was holding my hand with both of his, playing with the tips of my fingers absentmindedly. It was a nervous kind of action that I'd rarely seen from him.

"You don't want to continue talking?" he asked. "I mean, I wasn't sure what time your father would be home and I know that there is so much left that I need to say."

I giggled at the thought of Edward being nervous about being in my room when Charlie got home. To be honest, I hadn't really given my father a thought since the moment I'd seen Edward's face that morning. I knew that he wouldn't be home again until the next morning; otherwise he'd have already been home for the night.

"My dad won't be home until late tomorrow morning, so I think that you're safe," I said with a slight smile, hoping to alleviate some of his obvious tension. "But if it helps you, you know...you could always just sneak out of the window."

I smiled at him, and he laughed and gave the first genuine smile he'd had since earlier in the day. I felt him relax as he lovingly squeezed my hand.

"You need to rest, Edward," I told him seriously. "You must still be exhausted."

"I love so much that you allowed me to stay here with you," he said and even in the dark of the room, the pale moonlight illuminating his too perfect face, I could see the depth of his emotion and honesty. "I didn't expect that at all."

This seemed odd to me, since I couldn't imagine him not knowing how much I would want him with me. I knew that I had been all over the place, but I thought that he would always be able to feel my love. My love for him was so powerful, that even in the midst of all the trauma, I had never once not felt it. It was real. It was tangible. How could he not know that I would have wanted him to stay here with me?

_Because I sent him away._

Because I ran away.

"What did you expect?" I asked him, holding my breath, waiting for his answer.

"I wasn't sure, Bella," he murmured. "I know you wanted space and honestly, I thought I was crossing the line just by sending you the letter…but, Bella…I had to send you the letter. You had to know how I felt…and I know that you might not be able to…" he paused as if he couldn't say the word, "_forgive_ me, but I needed you know. You're it for me, Bella. There will never be another."

I choked up at his words, knowing that he meant them. Suddenly, the fact that he was holding my hand wasn't enough. I needed to feel his arms around me. I needed to hold him while he was awake…and I needed him to hold me. I pulled my hands from his and before the shock of my action had a chance to settle on his face, my arms were around his neck.

I heard him groan into my hair as I felt his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me close. He was still so warm from sleep and the layers of clothes he'd had on. The cashmere felt soft against my skin, but even softer was the way he whispered my name. I let him pull me into his lap, unwilling to lose any of our physical connection. I felt myself falling into our physical connection…losing myself in it. It would have been so easy to just follow that well-worn and easy path. He was so easy to get lost in.

But I couldn't. Not yet…not until we had reached some sort of resolution. I could hear his heart beating…could feel the way his body wrapped around mine, and God…it felt so good. But I knew that feeling, no matter how much I craved it, wasn't right.

"Why?" I asked him. "How?"

A million questions that I couldn't articulate were running through my mind, but the one…the one I needed answered most remained on the tip of my tongue. It was bitter and though I knew that asking it would free me…could possibly free him…the fear that his answer wouldn't be enough, caused me to hold it in.

"What, Bella?" he asked, urgency and need filling his voice. "Ask me…anything…_please_."

I pulled my face back to look at him…needing to see his eyes when he answered.

"_How could you_…I mean…you need to tell me _how_…if you love me _that_ much…_how_ could you keep this from me?"

I hadn't cried, but with those words, the tears came…and with the tears, the words. The slipped and fell from my mouth in a rushing wave of emotion and accusation.

"I love you…you _made_ me fall in love with you. And you _knew_ the whole time that _this_…that _you_ would devastate me." I took in a deep breath. "Not only that, but _this_…what you did has affected every part of my life! Do you even understand that? How could you do this…how could you keep this from me?"

His face was pained as he listened to my words, but he never once spoke.

"I tried so many times to get you to tell me what was going on. I knew there was something. I pleaded with you…in our bed…at the hotel…even in your office," I said, my breathing coming in quick and shallow pants. "We were making love and you were inside me, Edward. Inside me…and you _still_ kept it from me."

I was choked up at the thought of how he could have done that. I felt like we had always been more unguarded in the times that we were intimate. Edward seemed to open up and become more exposed…more vulnerable. But now I knew…all those times when I couldn't understand where his insecurity was coming from…_this_ was where it was coming from. And if he was insecure about making love to me while he kept…

Something clenched in my heart, but I didn't have time to think about it because his words interrupted me.

"Bella – I," he started. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"The truth, Edward," I told him firmly. "You told me you would tell me the truth."

He looked at me, the intensity of his eyes matching the thick tension that had settled upon the room.

"What truth would you like me to tell you?" He asked in an anguished tone. "The truth where I tell you that it was completely selfish...that _I_ was completely selfish?" He brought one hand from where it rested on my hip and raked it through his hair. "In the beginning I thought I could justify not telling you because I _knew_, Bella. I _knew_ the moment that you found out that you would end it. You would _never_ have given us a chance."

He looked at me, bringing his hand to my face and I let myself press against the warmth of his palm. His touch was comfort and I immediately relaxed into the solace that it offered.

"You know that," he whispered. "Tell me you know that."

The truth was that I did know that. Alice had already helped me realize that and as much as I wanted to believe otherwise, I knew that it was true. I would have walked away from him even though it would have pained me to do it…in the beginning. But what about after? Once we'd been intimate…once we'd declared our love? I couldn't be so sure about then…and neither could he.

"You're right," I told him softly. "I probably would have walked away from you. I do know that."

His hand stayed on my face and I raised my arm and covered his hand with mine, stroking his knuckle lightly with my middle finger. His eyes softened and I felt him release a breath across my face.

"But Edward…I need you to know that I don't know what I would have done later if – if it – if it had been you to be the one that told me." He looked at me, and I couldn't tell if he understood what I was trying to say so I continued. "Neither of us knows what I would have done, because you took that choice away from me, Edward. You took it away by thoughtlessly trying to vindicate your _own_ choice by claiming to know mine. And you…you _didn't_ know what I would have chosen."

"Bella," he rasped. "I'm so sorry…I fucked up."

"It's just that…as much as I loved you, Edward…you never let me love all of you."

I twisted my hand and took his in mine, twining our fingers and bringing them down. I held them in between us, close to his heart.

"And I would have loved all of you…I need you to know that."

I pressed against his heart once before lifting our hands and kissing our joined fingers. We sat there looking at each other for an immeasurable amount of time; our breathing seemed so loud in the quiet room. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest and I knew his heart was pounding in his chest just the same as mine.

"How do you know?" he asked, breaking the silence that had settled between us.

"I know because even now…after all this…after everything we've been through," I said, releasing his hand and bringing my hands up to cup his beautiful face. "I love you still."

The energy between us shifted with my last words. He didn't move and neither did I. I could feel the tension in every part of his body that was so close to mine. I didn't know what to say. I felt as if I had said all that I could at that point. I had opened myself up…had shown him everything that was inside of me. He had to do the same for me. Otherwise, we would never move past this.

"I wanted to tell you," he said quietly. "I wanted to tell you so many times, but I was so afraid, Bella."

He shifted, leaning back against the headboard and it struck me that this probably wasn't the most comfortable position. I moved as if to slide out of his lap and he stilled me with his arms. I looked into his eyes and they were nervous, pleading.

"What?" I asked. "I'm not going anywhere. I just want you to be comfortable."

"Please just stay here, Bella," he said lowly. "Please just let me hold you while we talk."

I looked at him and then I looked down at the bed. I knew that proximity would work for us. It always had.

"What if…" I started. "What if I lay here beside you, Edward?"

He looked down as if he were considering it and then he looked back up into my eyes.

"Will you let me hold you?" he asked almost timidly.

I smiled more to myself than him. He had been holding me this whole time and while he slept, I'd held him. I knew his need…understood it far more than he probably realized.

"Of course, Edward," I told him. "You can hold me…I want you to."

We both shifted around in the bed until we came to a comfortable resting place. He would have usually spooned me, but I wanted to see him as he spoke. So we lay there together, facing each other. My head rested on his arm, while he placed the other one across my body just above my hip. I looked across to him and silently asked him to continue.

"Really…I wanted to tell you so much, but a part of me fought it. I knew what would happen," he looked at me sheepishly before slightly shaking his head. "Well, I – I thought I knew."

He brought his hand up from my waist and stroked my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"My father was right, you know," he continued. "About you…about everything."

"What do you mean?"

"He told me that you loved me…the day that we went to their house."

"He did?"

"Yes…he told me that you were in love with me and that I needed to tell you about Fineley's," he sighed and gave me an apologetic look. "He said that it would be difficult and that you would be upset, but that he could tell that you loved me and he thought you would forgive me."

"He said that?" I asked, remembering that day in my mind as it were yesterday. That was the day…the day that we finally said I love you. I would never forget that day…ever.

"Yes," he said. "He said that and, Bella, I wanted to believe him, truly I did…but we hadn't even said it to each other at that point. You were still acting skittish about even the possibility of it and because I was lying to you…you know…I didn't feel like I deserved it…your love. I wasn't worthy of it because of the lie."

It was with those words that, for the first time, I could understand what he was feeling all of this time. I could see his insecurity and understood every moment that we had been together when Edward seemed like he didn't feel that he was good enough. I always thought he was perfect, but he wasn't…and neither was I.

_But our love had been perfect._

"That was the day, you know," I told him. "That was the day I knew that I loved you."

"I know," he said, his voice small.

"What about you?" I asked. "Did you know then, too?"

He was still for a moment, his eyes soft, but intense.

"I knew, Bella," he said quietly, but assuredly. "I'd known…I was just waiting on you."

His hand moved from my face to my neck, his fingers gently stroking the skin under my ear. It caused me to shiver and my response didn't go unnoticed by Edward. His eyes widened as my breathing hitched and I had to close mine just so that I could focus on the feeling of him touching me in a way that seemed so familiar and intimate. And then I realized that it didn't make me uncomfortable…that I wanted him to touch me that way. When I opened my eyes again, he was looking at me with an awed expression.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"For what?" I asked, my voice low and shaky.

"For letting me touch you," he said vulnerably. "I don't deserve it."

"I've never given you anything you didn't deserve, Edward," I told him. "Including my love."

"You gave me your trust," he stated candidly. "I didn't deserve that."

I thought about his words and he was right. He hadn't deserved my trust...and the saddest thing about that was that I had trusted him so completely. I had thought he was the one person that would never hurt me...and he hurt me deeply...more than anyone before him.

"You're right," I told him, watching the pained look on his face, but he needed to hear my words. He needed to hear it there…with the truth finally laid bare and exposed for both of us. It was raw and unpretty and it hurt…but mostly, it stood in stark contrast to the way our love was supposed be. Because our love was supposed to be beautiful and now it was damaged with the violation of my trust. "You didn't deserve it and that's where I am having the hardest time with all of this, Edward."

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered. "You'll never know how much I regret this...all of this...the way that I hurt you."

"I'd never given myself to anyone, Edward," I said, hearing the breaking of my own voice. "I'd never trusted anyone...never opened myself up to anyone that completely...even Alice."

I could feel his hand on my neck, could feel the way it trembled...just like my voice.

"But I opened myself to you. I loved you...needed you...trusted you." I felt a tear slip from my eye. "More than anyone."

"Oh, Bella," he rasped, pulling me closer to him. "It killed me to lie to you. It was tearing me up inside...but, I...but I couldn't risk losing you."

"But, don't you understand, Edward?" I asked. "By not telling me, that's exactly what you were doing. The risk of losing me became greater with every day that passed and you weren't truthful."

"I know, Bella, but I thought that if you could just love me enough...if you could..."

He let the sentence hang heavy in the air around us.

"If I could what, Edward?" I asked, trying not to let myself become defensive. "If I could love you enough...that I wouldn't be able to leave? Is that what you're saying?"

"Fuck, I know that I was selfish...but, Bella, I was so scared of losing you," he said, his voice thick. "I was trying to come up with a solution, but there was _nothing_...nothing but the truth and I _was _going to tell you. _That night_, I swear to god, I was going to tell you. "

He pulled back to look at me, his face frantic and desperate. He touched my face so tenderly that it made me choke back a sob.

"You don't know how it fucking killed me that you found out from someone other than me...I knew when I looked in your face in the shower that I had made the biggest mistake of my life."

He wiped away the tears that were falling as I remembered that horrible, painful day.

"It tortured me, Bella," he whispered. "It tortures me _still_. I am the one that is _supposed_ to love you...worship you..._and it was me_...I was the one to hurt you. And I have no one to blame but myself."

I was crying a steady stream of tears at his words. I wanted him to talk to me...to tell me everything, but I wasn't prepared for how much his pain would hurt me. I had been too focused on my own.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered bringing his face close to mine. "I love you so much...and I promise, _I swear_...I will _never_ lie to you again."

I couldn't really see him because he was so close, but I could feel his breath on my face.

"Please, forgive me," he whispered, kissing my cheek and it burned like it was a flame.

"I love you," he whispered again, kissing me on my forehead.

"Please, tell me that I can make this right, Bella. I can't live without you and I would rather spend the rest of my life on my knees, begging for your forgiveness than to spend another day...another moment without you...without your beautiful heart...and your wonderful soul."

I couldn't begin to process his too perfect words that were exactly what I'd needed to hear.

"Please, forgive me, Bella," he rasped again, his voice thick with emotion and tears. "I'm not asking you to trust me...I – I know that I haven't earned your trust, but I will do whatever you need me to do in order to deserve it if you will just give me the opportunity. I'm asking you to love me enough to forgive me...please, Bella...please forgive me."

I couldn't speak...couldn't breathe. I could feel the undulation of his chest from the pounding of his heart. I could almost taste the musk of his skin as his masculine scent filled my senses. I wanted to cling to him…to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay. I wanted to show him that the depth of my love for him was enough to overcome this…because I knew, deep down, that it was. In that moment, I knew that I loved him more than he had ever really felt he deserved.

_I loved all of him._

_Even the part of him that hurt me._

Tentatively, he leaned forward and ghosted his lips across mine, never once closing his eyes.

"Please, love me, Bella."

"I do."

He kissed me again in the same careful manner causing my heart to rise to my throat and mingle with my tears.

"Please, tell me that you'll forgive me."

"I will."

It was with those two little words that his expression melted and blended into one of repentance and hunger and passion. He crushed his lips to mine with such need that it made me lose my breath. Only I didn't care that I couldn't breathe because he had always sustained me. I needed him more than air…more than anything. Our kisses were frantic with our need. Our need to reconnect was illustrated with the brushes and strokes of our lips. We painted with colors that were both vibrant with love and desire and subdued with the need for forgiveness.

It was fervent.

I was longing.

And maybe…for the first time…it was real.

And it was real because I knew that there was nothing between us. There were no secrets, no regrets and no insecurities.

It was just us.

Just love.

His tongue licked and his mouth sucked and I opened mine, begging him to enter me…to fill me.

"Oh, Bella," he cried into my mouth and I took in his words…my name…as if it were feeding me.

Our tongues pressed against each other, reacquainting themselves with something that was so familiar and yet so new. Edward pressed his hand against my back, lifting me, pulling me even closer to him. He pulled away from my mouth and I sucked in a deep breath of air as he trailed hot, wet kisses down my neck.

"I love you," he murmured as he gently bit into the skin between my neck and shoulder.

I wanted to tell him I loved him, but my mind couldn't focus on anything except the feeling of him holding me…kissing me…loving me.

"Forgive me," he said as he brought his mouth to the exposed skin of my chest.

"I have," I said, my voice breathy and trembling. "You're forgiven."

He leaned me back onto the bed, hovering over me and looking into my eyes. His eyes were dark and dilated, his chest heaving as he breathed.

"I have no expectations, Bella," he whispered, his voice low and husky. "It's enough that you love me."

"I do," I whimpered. "I love you, Edward…I have _always_ loved you."

I was desperate with my need for him to consume me…to own me.

"Please, Edward…love me," I whispered. "Make love to me."

His mouth was covering mine again before the words escaped my mouth. He was no longer above me and the full weight of him pressed against me as his body covered mine. His hands and fingers pressed and grabbed and pulled at my body. My arms wrapped around him as if I could somehow pull him closer. I felt his hand slide underneath the cotton of my shirt. It left a trail of fire across my belly as his palm brushed against the underside of my bra-covered breast. He moaned into my mouth at the contact.

I slid my hands underneath his cashmere sweater and felt the warm skin of his back. I tried to push it up and lift it over his head, but when I did, he pulled back, kneeling on the bed between my legs.

"I want to make love to you, Bella…so much," he rasped, his breathing heavy.

"Please," I whispered.

"Bella, I can't."

"Wha – what are you talking about?" I asked him, suddenly confused.

"I don't want to make love to you like this," he said, pulling me up and into his arms. He pressed his face into my neck, breathing in deeply. "Not now…not like this…not until you can trust me."

His voice was pained and rough and through the haze of my passion I tried to understand his words. He pulled back so that he could look at me. His expression was soft and loving, but the passion was still there in his eyes.

"Please don't misunderstand me, Bella," he said, swiping his thumb across my bottom lip. "I want you far more than I can articulate in this moment. It's just that…It's just that…I love you more. The next time we make love, I want you to love me wholly and entirely. I don't want there to be an ounce of regret or wondering."

He kissed my lips, softly this time...reverently.

"The next time you offer yourself to me…I want to know that it is because I _deserve_ to make love to you…and Bella, I won't deserve it until I earn your trust."

I stared at him, dumbfounded at his words.

"But, I love you, Edward," I whispered. "I forgive you."

"I know you do…and, Bella, that means the world to me," he said. "I can't even tell you…it means _everything_. But this is forever for me…and the next time you offer yourself to me like this…I want it to mean forever to you, too."

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close and whispering in my ear how much he loved me. He brought his lips to mine once more before pulling back and looking at me again.

"Bella," he whispered. "It can't mean forever until you trust me…and I have to earn that."

I thought about his words and one thing kept playing in a loop in my mind.

_Forever…_

_With Edward…_

_Forever with Edward….._

**

* * *

**

_**A/N**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**Marvar, Thank you seems so insignificant when you give me so much. I love you hard. I would fall down and worship at the altar of your brilliant mind and smokin' hot body if you'd let me. You mean so much more to me than I could ever tell you. Thank you for holding my hand and for making me write and for telling me to change something when it doesn't work. Thank you for understanding that I hate reading angst…and hate writing it even more, but for making sure that I stay true to the outline and the characters of this story. You own me! #FLS**_

_**Congratulations to SebastienRobichaud for winning the Bellie Award for **__**"Story that makes you want to throw your monitor." You kick so much ass, SR! Your story has owned me since I read the first sentence. I adore you!**_

_**I love the slores in all of their panty-dropping, stool-carrying, fruit-loving, cocktail-drinking glory. The queen would gladly bow to any of you wonderful women!**_

_**Thanks to my readers for sticking with me. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. I love you all and think that you are the best group of women (and men) in the fandom. **_

_**LiMB will post in the morning! It is posted under the penname cosmoandmarvar. **_

_**What owns me this week:**_

_**I read a complete fic by Nerac called "Picture Windows". It was fucking brilliant! I loved it and it owned me the entire time I read! Please, check it out and tell her that cosmo sent you. I promise…you won't be disappointed. Did I mention that it was complete?!?!?**_

"_**Twilight of My Life" by theladyingrey42 is wonderful. Please. Read. Tell her that her words are pretty…because they are!**_


	32. This Kiss

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own new, hot pink Diane Von Furstenberg Luggage.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 32

The sun was beginning to rise and peek through the curtains of the quiet little room. At some point, Edward had fallen back asleep along with me and was still resting peacefully. I raised my head from his chest, looking at him and a sense of comfort and unprecedented relief settled over me. Nothing was perfect, but for the first time in my adult life, I was content with imperfection. Even in the midst everything that had happened...I had hope that we would be okay.

With the relief that came with the knowledge that we were going to take things slow and work to rebuild our fractured relationship, also came the fear and uncertainty of the implications of the decisions and choices I'd made in the last week. Yes, Edward and I had come to an understanding about us, but what about me? What was I going to do now? I had quit the only job I'd ever had…a job that I loved and was successful at. In my emotional state, I had made decisions that, realistically, I would never have made in a more sound frame of mind.

My mind drifted to the store...to the people that worked for me...to the people I worked for. I thought about Michael and what he must think about me. Over the course of my career, I had been so driven to succeed that was sure that he would be shocked and disappointed in my behavior. I had basically abandoned people that were extremely important to me…people that depended on me. And really, I wasn't sure what that said about my strength of character and my professional integrity. Really, when it came right down to it, I was quite disappointed in myself.

I softly pressed my lips to Edward's chest and nuzzled my head against the warmth of his body. I allowed myself just a little while longer to enjoy the feel of his arms around me, the security of his embrace, the comfort of his love. The rest of it would all still be there when he woke up and if we were going to really take things slow, I didn't know how many mornings I would have waking up in his arms like this for a while.

I felt him stir beneath me and before I could look at him, he was kissing me on my temple, pulling me even closer.

"Good morning, baby," he murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

"Good morning."

I met his sleepy green eyes for a moment before ducking my head back down and kissing his chest once more. I felt the muscles tense in his body as he stretched before curling himself around me again. He began to stroke my hair leisurely and I relaxed into him further, dreading the thought of getting up, but knowing that we would have to soon.

"Is everything alright, Bella?" he asked, his voice soft, but filled with concern.

"Everything is so much better that it has been…I can't…I don't…I don't even know what to say." I couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

"You don't have to say anything, Bella," he said softly. "I know."

And as he pulled my lips to his and kissed me softly, I was sure he did.

*******************

I was making coffee and thinking about what I was going to do when Edward walked into the kitchen. It felt so strange to have him here in my father's humble home. I wasn't embarrassed by it. This was where I came from and honestly, it was much nicer than most of the places I'd lived with my mother. However, it was modest and completely opposite of the home that Edward had grown up in.

"Would you like some coffee?" I offered as he looked around the room.

"That would be wonderful," he said, smiling at me. "Thank you."

"I would offer you something to eat, but I don't think that there much in the way of healthy food here…or any food for that matter."

He chuckled nervously.

"Thank you, Bella, but the coffee will be great."

I grabbed two mugs from the cabinet, smiling to myself that my father didn't even have two matching cups.

"Charlie doesn't have any cream, but he does have that non-dairy creamer and lucky for you…he has real sugar," I said, laughing nervously, unsure why I was suddenly so self-conscious.

I placed the mugs on the table, my hands trembling slightly.

"Hey," he said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," I said, looking down at his hands on my stomach. "This just all feels surreal and I'm nervous and I don't know why."

I figured that if we were really going to do this, I had to be honest. I turned around to face him and he pulled me close, rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"Thank you," he whispered in my ear. "Thank you for telling me…for being honest with me."

I pulled back, finally looking in his eyes. They were soft like his expression and maybe even a little nervous like mine.

"I feel better like this," I told him honestly. "Here in your arms."

"I'm glad," he said, leaning down to kiss me softly. "I feel better like this, too."

We stood like that for just a moment longer, unwilling to let go of each other. It wasn't until I heard Charlie's old coffee maker sputtering as it brewed the rest of the coffee that I pulled back. Edward released me from his embrace and sat down at the table and I went to get the coffee pot and the cream and sugar.

We were quiet as we drank and my mind wondered back to my job…my life. I really had no idea what I was going to do and I didn't know how to approach the subject with Edward. I would have to find another job and given the unstable economy, I wasn't sure that I would be successful even with my experience. Since I had been with Fineley's for so long, I didn't even know of any head-hunters that could scout for me. I had always assumed that I would spend my career with that company. I would have never imagined that I would be looking for a job at this point in my life.

"What are you thinking about, Bella?" he asked, bringing me out of the trance I was in. "You look worried."

I shook my head, turning my attention back to him and offering him a smile that was probably unconvincing. I knew I had a choice in that moment. I could either internalize what I was dealing with – which is exactly what I would have done in the past or I could just tell him what I was thinking. I was afraid that he would assume all the responsibility for this mess and I didn't want him to do that. Yes, he lied to me, but he didn't force me to make the decisions I'd made. I did that all on my own.

I had to be honest with him if this was going to work. I couldn't expect something from him that I wasn't willing to offer him myself.

"I have actually been thinking that I am ashamed of the way I just quit my job," I told him as honestly and gently as I could, unable to look at him as I spoke. "I can't imagine what Michael must think of me. I know that I have disappointed him and my staff. And honestly, I'm more than a little worried about what I'm going to do now."

I kept my eyes focused on the half-empty cup of coffee in front of me and I heard him sigh loudly across from me. He reached across the table, taking my hand in his and I finally looked up at him and met his eyes. They were apologetic and pained and it was exactly what I didn't want to see from him. I needed to own this…not him.

"Bella," he said; his voice low and even. "I need to talk to you about that."

"No, Edward," I insisted softly. "I know that you are going to try to take all the blame for this, but this was my decision. And honestly…it was probably the right one. I mean…I can't…what I mean is…realistically, I _shouldn't_ work for a company that you _or your family_ own. It wouldn't be right."

"No, Bella," he continued on. "There is something I need to tell you about that."

His voice had a nervous edge to it and I immediately grew tense. He squeezed my hand gently before beginning to speak again.

"You didn't quit your job," he stated simply and almost too quietly for me to hear.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him. "I _did_ quit…I _told_ you I quit."

"Bella, please listen to me," he said calmly. "I couldn't let you quit your job…not then…not like that."

"What do you mean you couldn't let me?" I asked, confused. "I didn't call anyone…I didn't do anything. No one has called me. Are you telling me that they think I've abandoned my job?"

Even as I said the words, I knew they were partially true. I had essentially abandoned my job…on the day after Thanksgiving. I couldn't have worked, though…not in the state of mind I was in on that day. I turned his words over in my mind and I still couldn't make sense of them.

"Bella," he said my name again and my eyed focused in on his. "Listen to me, please. You didn't quit your job. Please don't think that I was interfering, but I couldn't let you make a snap judgment like that. After you…" he paused, taking a breath and holding it before exhaling loudly. "After you…_asked me to leave_," the words sounding anguished as he spoke them and I cringed at the memory of that night. "I called my father and asked him what we could do. I couldn't allow you to hurt yourself…your career…over something that I had done. I had to figure out a way to help you."

His eyes were so pained as they looked into mine. I could tell he was nervous as the sight of his Adam's-apple bobbing when he swallowed thickly. His grip on my hand intensified considerably and I felt his thumb press into my palm.

"What did you do?" I asked as evenly as I could manage.

I watched as he ran his free hand through his already chaotic hair before bringing it down so that he was clasping my hand in between both of his.

"My father contacted Newton on Saturday morning and told him that you would need to be out on medical leave for an undetermined amount of time."

Regret covered his face as he continued to look at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked lamely. "How could he…" my voice trailed off as I put the pieces together and realized exactly how he could have done that. He claimed to be my doctor. I forced myself to ask the next question. "What did he tell Michael was wrong with me?"

Edward seemed to relax minutely when he realized that I wasn't panicking or becoming defensive.

"He didn't give him any details."

I knew he didn't have to give him details. Medical information does not need to be shared with an employer if the employee wishes it to remain confidential. I _knew_ that, but I also knew that Michael would _never_ think that I would take time off at this time of year unless something was _seriously_ wrong with me.

"_He did that_?" I asked incredulously. "Carlisle _actually_ did that?"

My mind was spinning with this information.

"He didn't want to," he said. "But, honestly, after I told him what happened…how you reacted…he felt culpable because he had known. He told me that he should have made me tell you sooner…that maybe _he_ should have told you sooner, himself."

"I'm can't believe he did that…isn't that…_unethical_?"

As soon as I'd said the words, I regretted them. I saw the look on his face and I wanted to suck them back into my mouth with the air that I couldn't seem to breathe at the moment. Carlisle wasn't unethical. He was a good man and a wonderful doctor. Before I could apologize, Edward spoke.

"Please don't say that, Bella," he said; his voice tight. "This is my fault…please don't blame him. I begged him to do this for you…for me." He took in a deep breath and I could see the rapid and steady pulse in his neck. "He did for me because…well, because he felt sorry for me. I was so upset and…fuck, Bella. I was distraught and I thought that you would never speak to me again. My father had never seen me like that."

His words caused my mending heart to ache. I had thought about Edward so much while we were separated…wondering how he was, if he was in as much pain as me. I knew that it was inevitable that we would have been affected much in the same way, but it was so painful for me to imagine his father seeing him like that. It made me think of the look on Charlie's face when he saw just how broken I was. I reached my trembling hand across and joined it with our hands that were on the table.

I looked into his eyes that were so beautiful and filled with hope and regret and I offered him the only thing I had to give him in that moment…but they were just words and I hoped they would be enough for now.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I spoke, my voice small but assured. "I didn't mean to say that...and I'm – I'm sorry that I did." I rubbed the top of his hand with mine, my fingers tracing the lines and ridges of his knuckles. "Your father is a good man and I would never say otherwise. It's just that – it's just that this is a lot to take in."

"I know," he said. "I just want to be honest with you…about everything."

It struck me as the words fell softly from his lips what that meant. Edward had made a promise to me. First in the letter and then last night as we'd held each other in the bed upstairs. He swore that there would never be another secret between us and he was opening himself up in front of me right now. And if we were going to make this work – if we were going to really make our relationship work, I would have to work through my feelings and find a way to forgive and love and accept him…just the same way that I'd promised him I would if he was truthful.

"Thank you for being honest, Edward," I said truthfully. I was thankful even if I still wasn't sure how I felt about what he'd told me. He smiled at me, though I could tell that he was still uncertain about my reaction. "I'm still not sure what this all really means for me."

"Well, the most important thing is that you still have your job, Bella."

"I understand that," I said. "But is it a job that I can actually have and not be crossing some ethical line? It's not appropriate that I would work for a company that you own, Edward. It's just not right. I would never feel right about it. Ever."

He looked at me as if he was trying to gauge something. Maybe my response. His expression changed to one of deep thought and contemplation. He started to speak, but the words never came. It was if he was reconsidering what it was that he wanted to tell me. His inability to just talk was making me nervous and even though I didn't think he would lie to me again, a tiny little part of me wondered if he might.

"I think you have a misconception of how involved I am in your business, Bella," he said. "Really, it's little to none. I don't sit on the board, though I suppose technically, I could in the next fiscal year. Right now, the board reports to me, but only in the sense that they are accountable to the stakeholders for the performance of the company."

I understood what he was saying, but even with what little knowledge I had on the subject, I still had a difficult time understanding how Edward had that kind of power in the organization that I worked for. It was really too much to process.

"I still don't think it's right for me to work for Fineley's, Edward," I maintained. "I would never feel right about it…not to mention what other people would think."

"The perception of other people shouldn't matter to you, Bella," he told me earnestly. "Besides…why would anyone have to know? Newton doesn't even know who I am."

I felt my face flame slightly at his words. Taking a deep breath, I looked at him as I spoke again.

"That's not the point, Edward. You talk about perception as if it carries no weight, when in all honesty…you have _never _walked in my shoes. You have _never_ had to deal with the things that I have dealt with. People were snide and malicious when they thought I was fucking _Michael_…and you've just told me that he's not even important enough to know who you are!"

I was beginning to get defensive and tense. I pulled my hands back from his and anxiously twined my fingers together. It bothered me that even after everything we had been through; he was still so easily able to dismiss my feelings on this matter. I lifted my eyes to meet his and they were hurt, but I was hurt, too.

"It wouldn't matter if people didn't know, Edward," I told him. "I would know…and I don't know that I would ever feel right about it."

I needed him to understand where I was coming from…what this meant to me. I didn't want to pull away from him, though. Not after all that we had been through to even be sitting there together having a conversation.

"I'm sorry I said that," he said. "I didn't mean it the way it came out. I just wish that you could let go of what other people think of you…and only concern yourself with who you know you are…because _that_ woman…Bella, she's – _you_ are exceptional."

I rose from my chair, barely hearing the creaking of the old wood as I went to him. He stood and met me half-way. As we embraced, I wasn't sure what my future held…what our future held. So, we just stood there in my father's modest kitchen, holding each other.

*******************

"I think I should go before your father gets home."

I looked at the clock and it was just after eleven. Charlie would be home in less than an hour. We were sitting on the couch in the living room. All topics of the morning's conversation had been placed on hold and we were just trying to find a space where we connected again. We weren't there yet, but we were getting closer.

"It's okay if you stay," I told him. "I'm not a child. Charlie won't say anything."

"I want to meet you father, Bella," he whispered into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me. "I just don't want to meet him like this."

He motioned to his disheveled clothing and unkempt appearance. I couldn't help but to think that even in that state, he was still beautiful.

"Where are you going?" I asked, not really wanting to let him leave.

"I have a room in a hotel in Port Angeles. There wasn't really anything suitable here in Forks."

"Oh," I said. "I understand."

I laid my head on his shoulder, breathing him in. He pushed my hair to the side and kissed my cheek. I looked up at him and he looked intense.

"I meant what I said," he murmured. "I want to meet your father…officially. Do you think I could take you both out for dinner tonight?"

I looked up at him, shocked at his request.

"Umm…I don't know about that," I said nervously. "Charlie isn't really one to go out for dinner much. It would probably make him uncomfortable."

"Are you uncomfortable with me meeting your father, Bella?" he asked, insecurity filling his voice.

"No," I told him. "Not at all. I was just…what if you come over here for dinner? I can cook."

"Really?" he asked, smiling and the sight of his smile made me want to kiss him, but I held back.

"Yes, of course."

"What time should I come back?"

"Well, Charlie will need to sleep when he gets home today so what about seven-thirty?"

"I'll be here," he whispered.

"I'm glad," I whispered back.

He stood first, holding out his hand to me. I took it and led him to the front door. We stood there for a few moments just looking at each other…needing to say goodbye, but once again, reluctant to let each other go. Edward spoke first.

"I'll miss you," he said. "I won't be able to stop thinking about you."

"Me, too. I'll miss you, too."

He brought his hand up and cupped my face, his thumb gently tracing the line of my cheekbone. My heart was pounding and I felt like I did when I was standing beside my car, the first time he kissed me.

_Please, kiss me._

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. It was sweet and soft and wet as our mouths moved together. His mouth never opened, content with the gentle affection of our lips discovering each other again. When he pulled back, his eyes were eyes were stunning in their depths. I wondered if mine looked the same to him. I hoped they did.

"Seven-thirty?"

"Seven-thirty."

*******************

Charlie came home a little after twelve. I could tell he was happy to see me up, but he never said anything to me about it. I was nervous about telling him about Edward and the dinner plans I'd made, but I sucked it up and told him before he headed upstairs to go to sleep. He'd taken the news pretty smoothly, though I could sense the undertone of concern in his voice.

"_He's coming here tonight?"_

"_Yes."_

"_And he wants to meet your old man?"_

"_Apparently."_

"_Did you know he was coming?"_

"_I didn't know he was coming to Forks," I told him honestly. "But I invited him for dinner."_

_He looked at me somewhat skeptically. I was trying to read him, but reading Charlie was more than hopeless. His face was as straight as a board._

"_Dad?" I said._

"_Yeah, Bells?"_

"_He's…important."_

I asked Charlie what he wanted for dinner. He told me that he 'wouldn't mind' having lasagna which I knew was really code for, "I'm so glad you're here to cook something decent for me to eat." I was more than happy to oblige him and it also gave me a reason to get out of the house to go to the market. I tried to focus on the mundane task of grocery shopping, but it was useless. My mind kept drifting back to him. Wondering what he was doing…wondering if he was thinking about me.

I was still unsure of what I was going to do about my job. I couldn't conceive of trying to make a decision now. I briefly considered calling Michael, just to let him know that I was okay, but I wasn't sure that I would even know what to say. I decided to put that on hold until I had a better understanding of what I was going to do.

It was just after six when I put the lasagna in the oven to bake. I headed upstairs to shower and get ready. While I was in the bedroom, I saw that I had a text message from Edward. I quickly opened it up and read his words.

"_**I'm sorry will never be sufficient – Thank you will never be enough. Missing you. –E"**_

My eyes welled at the words on the screen. I wiped them away and quickly typed out my response. My words would never be as pretty as his, but I hoped that the emotion was the same.

"_**Please – get here – soon. –B"**_

My shower was wonderful. For the first time in days, there was only hot water combined with the fragrance of my shampoo and Chanel shower gel that covered my body. But most importantly…there were no tears. While I was nervous about Edward meeting Charlie, all I could think about was the fact that I would get to see him again. I felt like a teenager getting ready for her first date.

I dressed in a pair of black Theory pants with a soft, grey cashmere sweater, silently thanking Alice for packing my clothes. With everything that had happened since Sunday, I hadn't called her. I wondered if I should, but realized that because of Jasper, she was probably already aware that Edward was here. I decided to call her the next morning.

When I walked downstairs, it was just after seven. Charlie was already awake and watching television in the living room. I walked in to see him and I realized that he had dressed for the evening. Well, as dressed as Charlie would have gotten for dinner at home. He was wearing a pair of dark denim jeans and a flannel shirt that he had tucked in. He looked nice. He looked like my dad.

"You look beautiful, Bells."

"Thank you," I told him. "You look very handsome yourself."

Then Charlie blushed, and I realized that I actually _was_ my father's daughter.

I had just pulled the lasagna out of the oven when I heard a knock at the door. Suddenly, my already rapidly beating heart was in my throat. Charlie called out to me that he would answer the door and I took several deep breaths, trying to clam my nerves. I walked into the foyer just as Edward was stepping inside. He looked so distinguished in a pair of grey wool trousers and burgundy sweater.

"Good evening, sir," Edward said, as he offered Charlie his hand.

"Good evening, son."

Charlie shook his hand briefly and Edward's eyes looked past him and locked with mine. His smile was genuine and bright as he took in my appearance and I walked slowly over to the two most important men in my life. The moment was significant…more so than I could have imagined it would be.

"Dad," I said, finally pulling my eyes away from the emerald ones they were locked on. "This is Edward Cullen."

"Edward," Charlie said with a stiff nod. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Thank you for having me," Edward said sincerely.

There was a long awkward pause where no one really knew what to say. The seconds seemed to pass like minutes and I decided to try to break the tension.

"I still have a couple of things to finish and I need to set the table," I said softly, my voice trembling slightly. "Edward, would you care to join me in the kitchen?"

He smiled at me, but Charlie interrupted.

"Uh, Bells…I was thinking that maybe Edward and I sit and talk for a bit while you finish getting everything ready."

He was addressing me, but his eyes stayed trained on Edward.

"Privately," he added, more to Edward than me.

"Of course, sir," Edward responded. "I was hoping to get to talk to you, as well."

Charlie gave me an apologetic glance, but quickly ushered Edward into the living room.

I stood in the foyer, completely taken aback at my father's actions. I was mortified at what he could possibly have to say to Edward and nervous about what their 'talk' would entail. I walked back into the kitchen and tried to busy myself with the rest of the preparations. I was tempted to walk to the living-room to listen in, but that would have been disrespectful to Charlie _and_ to Edward. If they wanted to share with me what they were discussing, they would.

Once the table was set and everything was ready, I still hadn't heard anything from the two men in the other room. I wasn't sure exactly how much time had passed. I sat down at the table and tried, unsuccessfully, not to bite my nails. I didn't know if I should go to get them, but before I could decide, Charlie walked in with Edward right behind him. Neither man was smiling, but they didn't look altogether uncomfortable either. I stood up, quickly asking if everything was okay.

"Everything is fine, Bells," Charlie said. "Why wouldn't it be?"

He laughed heartily and sat down at the table.

Edward approached me, leaning down to whisper, "You look beautiful, Bella," and then his lips lightly grazed my cheek. It was so faint that you almost couldn't consider it a kiss.

I felt my face flush and my eyes darted to my father who was busy trying to avoid eye contact.

Edward and took our seats and Charlie exclaimed that everything looked wonderful.

Dinner passed by rather quickly given the circumstance. The conversation seemed to flow with only a few awkward silences peppered throughout. Edward asked Charlie about his job in law-enforcement and Charlie asked Edward about his family's charitable organization. They also talked about sports and Charlie became much more animated in that particular conversation. Edward was surprisingly knowledgeable about the subject, which was unexpected since I had never seen Edward watch sports of any kind the entire time we had been together.

Once the meal was winding down, I saw Charlie yawning.

"Dad, why don't you go relax?" I said. "I can clean all this up."

"I'll help you," Edward offered. "And then…I was hoping that we could go for a walk."

He smiled at me and it was as if everything else in the room disappeared…including my father. He was actually here in my father's home sharing a meal. It didn't seem awkward, at all. In fact…it just seemed right.

"I would love that," I said.

"Bells," Charlie said, interrupting my thoughts. "Dinner was so good. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Dad."

"I'm actually going to turn in for the night, but when you go for that walk…steer clear of the woods. There have been reports of wolves in the area."

"Yes, sir," Edward said promptly.

"Edward," my father said and they both stood up. "It was a pleasure to meet you."

"Thank you, sir," Edward said, shaking Charlie's hand on last time. "The pleasure was all mine."

"Bells?" Charlie said.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"I'll be just inside," he paused to clear his throat, "if you need me."

* * *

We stepped out into the cold night air. True to his word, Edward helped me clean the kitchen and wash the dishes. Charlie didn't have a dishwasher, so Edward washed while I dried and put away. Once we were on the porch, he pulled me into his warm arms and hugged me tightly.

"I've been waiting to do that all night," he whispered, his breath warm in contrast to the frigid air.

"Why didn't you?"

"Because I wanted to wait until we were alone."

"I missed you today," I told him, wrapping my arms tighter around his waist.

"I know, Bella…it's the same for me."

"Instead of walking, would you like to sit here with me on the porch?"

"Whatever you would like," he said, pulling me tightly to his chest before releasing me.

We sat on the bench and Edward pulled me into his side, his arm wrapped around my back. He brought his other hand across my front, taking my hand and linking them together. We shared a comfortable silence for awhile and I was enjoying the feeling of his fingers playing with mine. It was a beautiful kind of strange to feel that happy after all the turmoil of the last week. To have thought that I had lost him forever…and then to be held in his arms was more that I could have hoped for…or even imagined.

"I'm flying home in the morning," he told me.

My heart dropped at his words.

"So soon?" I asked. "You just got here."

He turned, facing me, examining my face as if he were trying to memorize it. I had already learned his every beautiful feature. I could close my eyes and see every angle of every line. I could visualize the fullness of his lips and the flawless features of his face…but still I continued to look upon him as if I would never see him again.

"I know that I have given you a lot to consider, and Bella...I don't presume to know what you will choose to do about your job or even your life at this point," he said. "I don't want to pressure you in any way, but this," he said, motioning between us. "All of this...it has to be your choice."

He looked at me and the look in his eyes was filled with passion and love and something else.

"I still don't know what I'm going to do," I told him, trying not to become overwhelmed at the thought of my future held.

"I can leave you tomorrow so that you can spend the rest of this time with your father because I know that you will be coming home...and now I have the _hope_ that when you come home…and you make those other choices…you might _possibly_ choose me, too."

He reached up to brush the hair from my face as it swept across my skin with the wind. I felt his energy..._our energy_…as his fingers grazed my skin...and his touch felt wonderful.

"I really hope you choose me, Bella...because _truly_, I have already chosen you."

I couldn't even begin to speak…couldn't have, even if I'd known what I wanted to say. I felt his thumb drag across my bottom lip as his eyes continued to gaze into mine…and then he kissed me for the third time that day. The last two kisses had been sweet and chaste explorations of each other's lips, as if we were getting to know each other again…and I suppose, on some level we were. But this kiss…_this kiss_ was a gesture of two people who recognized each other.

Understood each other.

Needed each other.

Loved each other.

And so, we kissed like that, wrapped around each other, in the cold wet air, on my father's porch. Both of us, unwilling to let go…until we had to.

* * *

I awoke the next morning, memories of Edward still fresh in my mind from our goodbye the night before. I asked him to stay the night with me and he'd said no. He said that he thought it would be disrespectful to my father and I understood what he meant. Even though I'd spent the night without him, I could still smell him in the sheets of the tiny bed. I rolled over and my cheek pressed against something cool and smooth on the pillow – another letter.

It wasn't as long as his other letters, but that didn't make it any less significant.

_My Darling Bella,_

_I love you._

_Please, come home to me._

_Always,_

_Edward_

*******************

_**A/N**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**Marvar, I think it has finally happened. There are no new words for me to say to you…so I'll just go with these. I love and adore you. Thank you for making me laugh, keeping me sane and for filling up my box both figuratively and literally. You are amazing! Oh, and also… #FLS**_

_**As always…the slores rule all! (Special mention goes to justduckie for the crack-fic she is going to write for me.)**_

_**I am participating in Fandom Gives Back Eclipse. I will be writing a chapter of Retail Therapy from EPOV to be chosen by the winning bidder. Please contact marvar29 on Twitter or PM Marvar on Fanfiction if you would like to be a part of Team Darcyward.**_

**_LiMB is on schedule to post in the morning! It is written under the penname cosmoandmarvar._**

**_What owns me this week:_**

_**Take the Ice by bellamarie117 This is a pretty new fic, guys…but I started reading this week and it's really good! And the author is all kinds of awesome, too! Please, check her out and tell her that cosmo sent you.**_


	33. Passion and Peonies

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own new lavender bubble bath and bath salts from L'**__**O**__**ccitane.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 33

As the captain announced our departure from Seattle, I sat with competing feelings of melancholy and anticipation. It had been difficult to say goodbye to Charlie. The last few days spent with him had been healing…cathartic. But I was going home. I still didn't know exactly what the future would hold…what my life would look like, but I knew where home was.

"_Are you going to be okay?" Charlie asked as he helped me load the luggage into the rental car._

"_Yeah, Dad," I told him. "I really think I am."_

_I had finally sat down two nights before and told him the whole story. _

_Everything. _

_I figured that there was no point in trying to keep it all to myself. He listened without interrupting me. His stoic and silent nature was there…but combined with an element of understanding and layered with love. It was real and restorative. It was exactly what I had needed. It wasn't until I had said everything that there was to say on the subject, that Charlie finally spoke._

"_People make mistakes, Bells," he said quietly._

"_I know that they do, Dad," I whispered. "I just thought that he was different…that he would never hurt me."_

_Charlie looked at me, studying my expression, taking a deep breath._

"_I want to tell you something."_

"_Okay," I said hesitantly, unsure where he was heading._

"_Edward spoke to me the night he came to dinner…told me everything he did."_

_A part of me was shocked, but a part of me understood that it was exactly something he would have done. Edward was owning his mistakes…definitely more than I had owned mine. And while I was surprised that he had been so forthcoming with my father, a part of me understood that that was exactly who he was._

"_I'm not gonna lie and tell you that I think that his lying to you is okay," he said gruffly. "But I want you to know that I understand why he did it."_

_The words surprised me as they fell from Charlie's mouth. He valued honesty above everything. He always had. I had grown up listening to him say things like, "A man is only as good as his word."_

"_I still have a hard time understanding how he could have lied to me for so long," I said. "I was honest with him, Dad…always."_

"_I don't offer you advice often, Bells, but I want you to listen to me."_

_I sat there looking him, not saying a word, silently agreeing to his request._

"_You can't expect people to be perfect," he told me softly, honestly. "You just can't because no one is. Not one person is perfect. We all make mistakes. God knows that I have made mistakes…especially with you."_

"_What are you talking about?" I asked him._

"_Bells, I should have been a better and more involved father when you were younger. I'm not ashamed to admit that when you're mother left me…I was devastated. I _am_ashamed to admit that I separated myself from you and her as a means of protecting myself."_

_I was shocked. Charlie had never spoken to me about my mother and certainly not with such honesty and self-awareness – not once in all of the years since I had come to live with him permanently. I looked at him, his expression guarded and his posture awkward and uncomfortable. He continued speaking before I could say anything._

"_I should have known what was going on with you," he said. "If I hadn't been so far removed, I would have known what kind of situation you were living in. I could have brought you to be with me sooner."_

_My eyes began to tear and I swallowed thickly. I had always been uncomfortable talking about my childhood. My mind briefly wondered back to the night in Edward's apartment when I first told him about my parents…about my mother. I had felt insecure and unworthy then. I felt that because of the kind of family he had grown up with, I was somehow less than he was, but as I sat across from my father who was looking at me with so much love…I knew that I had experienced just as much love as he had. It was just a different kind of love. Not better, not worse…just different. And all of it it…my experiences with Renee and my father's love…all of it had made me who I was. _

_And then it hit me._

_Edward had always loved me for who I was._

_Always._

"_Dad, please, stop," I said, swallowing back my tears. I was so sick of crying and I just didn't want to do it anymore. "You were a good father…you…you _are_ a good father. It wasn't perfect, but it's okay that it wasn't. The _best_ part of my childhood was spent here with you. I wouldn't change anything about you."_

_His brown eyes were soft and so much emotion reflected in them. I wondered if I was like that…if Edward could see inside me through my eyes in the same way. I was so much like Charlie in a lot of ways. I was very guarded and closed off, for the most part…except with Alice. I had never been able to just let anyone in…until Edward. And I had let him in completely. It hadn't been easy to do at first, but once I knew…it was simple…like falling. Falling in love with Edward had been the easiest thing I'd ever done. I had been willing to give him anything…to give up anything _for_ him. _

"_Bells, don't you see?" he asked._

"_What…what am I supposed to see?"_

"_That it's okay not to be perfect."_

_I thought about his words and wondered what he was really trying to say._

"_I know that's okay not to be perfect."_

"_I want to know you something," Charlie began. "You have the ability to choose happiness…and I just hope you choose right. I didn't always make the right choices and I ended up hurting you and myself…and you still forgave me."_

_I sat there staring at my father and wondering when he became so insightful with regards to matters of the heart._

"_I love you, Bells," he said, not looking uncomfortable at all. "I just want you to be happy."_

"_I want that too."_

"_Then make the right decision for you…whatever that decision is."_

I pulled my iPhone from my pocket and looked at the screen. Alice had texted me before I left that she would be picking me up from the airport, but there were no more messages or missed calls. Edward hadn't called or texted since he'd left earlier in the week. I hadn't expected him to. He was giving me space and allowing me to make my own decision. I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't missed him, but I knew that it had been the right thing for him to do. We needed the distance. He had made every conceivable promise and had apologized as much as he could. He told me it would be my choice. Now was the time that I would have to decide…to choose.

When the plane touched down, the nervous energy that was coursing through me was making itself apparent through the rapid bouncing of my leg. It had become so pronounced that the man sitting next to me looked at me disapprovingly, as if I were annoying him. I immediately stopped and mumbled an apology. By the time I exited the plane, I forced myself to take a deep and calming breath. This was it. This was my life. I knew my life was here now…I just didn't know what my life would entail. What would my job be, and what about Edward?

Edward.

I missed him.

Alice met me in baggage claim and I had never been happier to see her. She flung her arms around me with exuberance and I hugged her back like I hadn't seen her in ages. It had only been a little over a week, but it felt like so much longer. We embraced in the crowded airport and the force of her hug was far more comforting than I could have expected. I finally pulled back and looked at her and she was smiling and her eyes were wide and bright, but I could tell that she was still concerned.

"I've missed you," she exclaimed, taking my hand and squeezing.

"I've missed you, too."

"Is everything…I mean…how are you?"

She sounded unsure. When I talked to her earlier in the week, I was still in such a confused and unknowing place. Not that I knew so much now, but I was definitely more assured than I had been.

"It's okay," I told her genuinely. "I'm fine…I'm good, I think."

"You look so much better, Bella," she said. "And really…you're good?"

I bit down on my bottom lip and looked at her and smiled and even though it was a bit nervous, it was genuine.

I was happy to be back.

"Come on," I said. "Let's get my luggage…I want to go home."

* * *

On the drive to my apartment, I told Alice about the week. I told her all about Edward, the letters, the things he'd said…the things I'd said. It felt good to talk about it all to someone. I told her about Charlie and the conversation that we had...and the peace that I received from our exchange. She didn't ask a lot of questions, content to let me share what I was sharing. Truthfully, I was sharing pretty much everything.

I didn't ask her about Edward. It was intentional, but it became apparent that it was definitely the huge pink elephant in the car. I wanted to know how he was. And even more than that, I wanted to know if he had said anything to Jasper. I felt bad about that, because I didn't want to put her in the position to break Jasper's confidence. If Edward had told him anything, it would have been his personal thoughts and they weren't mine to know unless he shared them with me. So, as much as I hated it, I didn't ask the one question I was dying to ask.

What did Edward say?

Apparently, I didn't need to. Alice broached the subject all on her own.

"So," she said in her sing-song voice. "Edward was over last night."

"Really?" I said casually. "How was he?"

I couldn't not as that question. I was dying to know how he was…hoping that he was okay.

Alice looked at me out of the corner of her eye before speaking.

"How do you think he was?" she asked, her voice even and giving nothing away.

"I don't know," I told her. "He hasn't called me since he left. I – I hope he's okay."

"Bella," she said suddenly. "Who do you think you're talking to?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking over at her.

"Bella…I'm your best friend. I think I can tell what's going on with you."

"And?" I asked. "What's going on with me?"

"It's okay, you know," she started. "To wonder how he's doing…wonder what he's said."

She had my full attention at those words. I desperately wanted to know if he had said anything. I needed to know that he was okay. I knew he loved me, but nothing between us seemed settled when he'd left. He told me to come home to him, but what if after the last few days, he'd decided that the drama was no longer worth it – that I was no longer worth it? He told me he would wait for me to figure things out, but what if he didn't want to wait anymore?

"I do – I mean I am wondering how he is," I admitted. "Has he...you know…said anything?"

I looked at her nervously.

"Jesus," she said, laughing. "You two really are the same person."

I relaxed slightly at her tone, but not entirely.

"What do you mean?"

"He was all nervous asking about you last night, too."

"He…he asked about me…last night?"

"No, Bella," she said, sarcasm dripping in her voice. "He was hanging out with the best friend of the woman he's hopelessly in love with…and he didn't ask about her at all."

"What did he say?"

"Well…he wanted to know if I had talked to you, but was too emo to just come right out and ask. Something about respecting your privacy."

"I told him the truth, Bella."

"What truth was that?"

"I told him that I didn't know what you were going to do because you haven't really told me."

"I know…I haven't told you," I said. "And that is mostly because I don't know what I'm going to do…especially about my job."

"What about everything else?" she asked. "He said that you told him that you forgave him – and that – and that you still love him."

She looked at me and smiled softly as she said the words. She had a look in her eyes. I couldn't tell what it was. Compassion? Pride? Maybe a little of both. I figured that I should just be honest about everything with her. I was hoping that talking about my feeling would help me work them out and that I would be able to come to some sort of personal understanding. The limbo was just killing me and if it was killing me…I knew it had to be killing him.

"I do still love him," I said…and with the acknowledgement came this overwhelming sense of relief. It was as if being able to admit it to someone…to actually speak the words out loud to her made it more solid…real. "I never stopped loving him…not once. I was just so shocked and hurt by the fact that he could lie to me so easily. Well, not easily, I guess. I think it was hard on him to lie to me, but I understand that he was afraid."

"He was afraid, Bella," she said softly. "And with good reason, I think. Not that it makes up for it…or excuses it in any way."

"I know that," I agreed. "We talked a lot about this when he came to Forks."

Alice looked at me apologetically.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped by telling him where you were. I know you needed space, but I was scared that you would separate yourself so much that you wouldn't be willing to listen. I thought about what I would have wanted Jasper to do…and I would have wanted him to come for me," she said, sincerity coming from every word. "Do you forgive me, too?"

I looked at her, shocked that she would even feel the need to ask that. Had I really been that bad? As I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that I had.

"There is nothing to forgive, Alice," I said, emotion thick in my voice. "I wouldn't change a thing about him coming…the letters…our time together. I umm…I – I needed it. Thank you for telling him."

She smiled brightly and it was warm and wonderful…and for the first time since Thanksgiving…I felt normal and it felt good.

We had arrived at my building at this point and as Alice parked the car, she tuned to look at me directly and smiled.

"So…tell me about these letters."

And we sat there in her car….and I did.

As we walked into my building, I was overcome with just how happy I actually was to be back. This was familiar and I was a creature of habit. I smiled at Mr. Caplin smiled at me as he opened the door for us. He welcomed me back and told me that there was a delivery waiting for me at the front desk. I wasn't expecting anything, so my first thought was of Edward.

"Another letter?" Alice chided.

I giggled at the thought.

"I don't think so," I said, laughter still apparent in my voice. "I think he already said everything there was to say in the last three he wrote me."

I approached the front desk and told them that I had a delivery. The girl disappeared behind a closed door and returned a few moments later. When she did, I was stunned to see her carrying a flower arrangement of pink peonies…just like the very first ones he sent me the day after we made love for the first time. I might have gasped…audibly. I looked over to Alice and she was smirking.

"Did you know about this?" I asked her.

She shook her head, indicating that she didn't, but a huge grin spread across her face. With trembling hands, I took the flowers from the girl and said thank you. I saw that there was a card attached with my name written across the front.

Isabella Swan

This didn't go unnoticed by Alice and she eyed me curiously, her eyes sparkling and excited.

"Are you going to open it?" she asked.

"Not now," I said, laughing nervously and rolling my eyes at her.

We walked over to the elevator and as we stepped on and the door closed, she asked again.

"What about now?"

I pushed the button for my floor and looked at her, smiling.

"No, Alice," I said. "I'm not opening it yet, nosey…and what are you, twelve years old?"

She gave me a pouty face and that only made laugh harder. It felt so good to just feel normal again. No more tears. I still felt nervous and there was still so much that I had to sort through, but as I stood there in the elevator with my best friend laughing, I felt like myself again.

"Fine," she said as the door opened. "It's not like you're not going to tell me anyway."

Once we were inside my apartment, I looked around and was assaulted of memories from the last time I was there. It caught me off guard and I was prepared to remember lying in the floor after he'd left or sobbing on the couch when I realized that he'd lied to me. I stood still in the foyer and took deep calming breaths. Alice noticed my change in demeanor right away.

"Are you okay?" she asked and I said nothing. "Bella?"

"Umm…yeah…yes," I stammered. "I'm okay."

"Are you sure?"

I looked at her, shaking my head and trying to compose myself.

"Yeah…it's just that I haven't been here since…you know."

"I know," she said softly.

I looked at the flowers in my hand and then back around my apartment. The memories were a bitter pill to swallow, but the flowers…the flowers represented the future. Or at least what I hope the future would be.

Edward.

"Did you want me to stay?" she asked. "I could help you unpack."

I walked over to the bar and placed the peonies on the granite counter before turning back to look at her.

"It's one suitcase, Alice," I said. "I think I can manage."

She giggled and walked over and hugged me again…tightly.

"I'm glad you're back," she whispered.

"Me, too."

And I was.

"Alright then, I'm going to go," she said. "Besides…I know you really want to read that card."

I walked her to the door and as she was leaving, she turned back to me and said, "And Bella…"

"Yeah?"

"He really missed you, too."

******************

I wanted to open the card right away…but I didn't. I don't know if it was nerves…or if it was just that I wanted to prolong the anticipation of finding out what he had said. So, I unpacked and I did a load of laundry. I thought about taking a shower, but when I walked past the flowers on my way to the bedroom, I realized that I just couldn't wait anymore.

I didn't want to.

I needed to know what he said.

I walked over to the counter and picked up the card. I held it my hands, looking at it, my heart pounding. I walked over to the couch and sat down, curling my legs underneath me and I opened the card.

_Bella,_

_On our first date, you told me you were a traditional girl._

_And that you expected the man to call you._

_I want to invite you to go on another first date with me._

_I'll call you tonight at eight…I really hope you answer._

_Your blush is still more beautiful than these flowers._

_Looking forward to making you blush again._

_Yours,_

_Edward_

I sat there what felt like hours reading and re-reading the card. I had a warm feeling in my stomach and it dawned on me that I was actually smiling. Edward had sent me flowers and quoted words that were spoken on our first date. I was excited and nervous and for the first time in such a very long time…there wasn't a hint of sadness to be found inside me. Only excitement about what the future could possibly hold for me…and Edward.

I looked at my watch and realized it was almost seven. I decided that since there wasn't a possibility that I would be going anywhere for the evening, that I would take a bath and relax before he called. I went into the bathroom and started the water running. I poured a generous amount of lavender bubble bath under the hot running water and then sprinkled the lavender bath salts into the bottom of the garden tub. While the water was running, I went to get my phone to make sure that it was charged. It was. I opened a bottle of wine and poured myself a glass and then carried both the phone and the wine and set them on the ledge of the tub…in case he called before I got out.

I soaked in the tub, surrounded by hot water that should have soothed my muscles and calmed my mind, but it didn't. All I could think about was what he would say when he called…what I would say. When the water cooled, I stepped out and dried myself off and changed into a pair of Cosabella boxers and camisole. It was almost eight, so I crawled into bed and waited for him to call. I knew he would. It was seven fifty-eight when the phone rang.

"Hi," I murmured.

"Bella," he breathed.

It was wonderful to hear his voice…and it was _his_ voice. It was velvet and smooth, soft and deep. Even though I was still anxious about what he was going to say, my whole body relaxed at just the sound of him.

"Edward?" I said softly.

"Yeah?"

"I loved the flowers…and the card."

I could almost hear him smiling through the phone.

"About that," he said. "I want to ask you something."

"Anything."

"I want to take you on a date tomorrow night, Bella," he said smoothly. "Would you care to join me?"

He was asking…once again, letting me choose. This reminded me of the first time in my office where I knew that there was no choice _but_ him. There still wasn't…but at least this time I knew everything about him. There were no secrets between us…and I had to believe that there never would be again.

"What did you have in mind, Mr. Cullen?" I asked playfully.

"Oh, a few things, Ms. Swan," he replied. "Can you be ready at seven?"

"Yes." I said it quickly…too quickly, but I didn't care. I just wanted to see him…to spend time with him again.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "For coming home…to me."

"I'm glad to be home."

A comfortable silence filled the infinite space between us. I wished he was there with me…holding me.

"How are you?" he asked, trying to make conversation.

"I'm good," I said. "A little tired from the trip, but I'm relieved to be back…to be sleeping in ou – my – I mean…in my bed."

My face flushed at my words. I had almost called it our bed. I wondered how long I had even considered _my_ bed _our_ bed. It was – it had been. I was lying on the bed and even though it had been over ten days since we had shared the bed together…it was almost as if I could still smell him in the sheets. But that was impossible….right? As I considered my slight humiliation and tried to figure out what he was thinking…he chuckled lightly into the phone, bring me back to the present…to him.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked me, still chuckling.

"Of course," I told him, relieved at his tone. "Anything."

I heard him take a deep breath. It didn't sound tense or uncomfortable, just natural and easy…like breathing should be.

"I still think of it as our bed too," he said. "I'll bet you look beautiful laying there…in _our_ bed."

There was a confidence to his voice that I hadn't heard in so long and the warmth in my belly instinctively spread…lower. I tried not to groan at the feelings that his words and his tone were creating inside me. I wanted him to ask to come over, even though I knew he wouldn't.

"You know," I said suggestively. "You don't need to imagine it. You could come and see me for yourself."

There was a long pause after my words and I wondered if I'd said the wrong thing. I thought we were being playful, but maybe I had been too suggestive. Just as the butterflies in my stomach were turning to knots, he spoke.

"You don't know how hard it is to stay away when you say things like that to me, Bella," he said, his voice huskier than before.

I didn't know if it was his words or his voice, but something made me bold.

"Then don't stay away," I murmured. "Come over to see what's yours…what belongs to you."

I hoped he knew that I was talking about more than the bed. At my words…he finally groaned and it was sexy and completely my undoing. We were silent for awhile…just listening to each other breathe. His presence was stimulating and soothing all at the same time…even though he wasn't there.

"I have no intentions of staying away," he finally said and my heart started pounding rapidly. "But I'm going to do this right this time, Bella."

"I just miss you," I said honestly.

"I miss you, too, Bella," he said, his voice thick and low. "But I need to be clear about one thing."

"What's that?"

"The next time you take me to your – to _our_ bed, Bella…I won't be leaving."

His words held a promise of so much more than he'd actually said. I knew it and he _knew_ that I knew it. This was my choice, but I really loved the way that Edward was leading us now.

"What if I told you that I wouldn't _want_ you to leave?"

He was quiet except for the slightly accelerated breathing. I wondered if he was feeling the same thing that I was feeling. It had been too long without him…without his touch. We had always connected on such a deep level physically. I missed that connection…I needed it.

"What do you want, Bella?" he finally asked, his voice husky.

I could tell by the timbre of his tone that the atmosphere surrounding us had shifted. The air was thick and heavy with want and desire.

"You," I breathed. "I've only ever wanted you, Edward. That – That has never changed…ever."

"_Fuck_," he whispered and it was so low that I almost couldn't hear it…_but I did_. "What are you doing to me?"

At his words, I was aroused…so much so, that I had to press my legs together just to create the friction that my body was craving. It wasn't just about what I was doing to him…but it was also so much about what he was doing to me.

_What I wanted him to be doing to me._

_What I needed us to be doing together._

"Please," I whispered, feeling confident and needy all at the same time. "I need you."

He groaned into the phone again and the sound reverberated through my body and lingered in the place where I was wet and desperate for him…for his touch.

"What do you need from me, Bella?" he asked, his voice quiet, but commanding. "You're going to have to say it."

"I need all of you, Edward. I want all of you," I said, confidence and decision growing with every word. "I _love_, Edward…I love _all_ of you."

And I did.

I loved all of him.

Nothing would _ever_ change that and I didn't want to waste another day…_another moment_ for the time to be right. Every moment was a moment we could be together. He had done so much…shown so much. I needed to show him.

"Bella."

My name on his lips was nothing more than a wisp of air…but it carried so much weight.

"Please, Edward…come to me…be with me," I told him. "Or I can come to you."

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

"No," he said…and my heart dropped.

He wasn't coming.

He didn't think we were ready.

"Don't come to me…I'm coming to you."

* * *

_**(Really long) A/N**_

_***Please leave me some love and review.**_

_***Marvar, did you ever know that you're my hero? And everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle. You are the wind beneath my wings. **_

_**Oh…no, wait. Those words belong to Bette Midler? **_

_**Damn. **_

_**Fuck it. I have run out of words. I love you. You own me. Please run away with me and we will spend the rest of our days acting out Femme-Slash lemons! #FLS**_

_***To my readers: I continue to be so amazed and in love with you. This has been a long journey for me and some of you have been with me since the night I published my first chapter, half-hoping that no one would read it…and half-hoping that people would like it. I am not a great writer, but I love this story and I love these flawed characters. Thank you for loving them, too.**_

_***I am participating in the FGB Eclipse Auction. I will be writing a chapter of Retail Therapy in EPOV…and the highest bidder chooses the chapter! Please PM Marvar on FF or tweet her on twitter at marvar29 if you are interested in being on Team Darcyward.**_

_***So, here's the deal. Next week will be very intense for me at work and Marvar is taking comps. As much as we love FF…and are the biggest fic-whores you know…our real lives are having to take precedence. I promise that I will be back the following week with a shiny new chapter…with citrus.**_

_***The slores make me smile…always.**_

_**#iloveyougirlssofuckingmuch**_

**_*LiMB is on schedule to post in the morning. Please check it out if you haven't yet. It is really funny and I love Edward so much!!! Posted under the penname cosmoandmarvar._**


	34. Our Bed

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a Blackberry that is equipped with GPS.**_

_**I use it to get myself out of sticky situations.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to the slores.**_

Chapter 34

I cradled the phone in my hand for a while after the call ended. I held it as if it were some tangible piece of him that was still with me. I lay in bed anxious, excited and waiting…for him. He was coming to me. He was taking that step, though inside my rapidly beating heart, I knew I had taken a step too. I had asked him to come to me. Told him that I needed him, wanted him and loved him…all of him.

And I did.

Even the parts of him that hurt me.

There was absolution in that truth…for both of us. It had taken me going through this darkness, to realize that the reasoning behind what he had done and how he had gone about doing it, all stemmed from the way that he loved me.

He loved me completely.

I would never doubt that again.

With the absence of doubt, came the realization that I did, in fact, trust him. I wanted to do this right. When he held me in the bed inside my father's home and told me that he couldn't…that he wouldn't make love to me until he knew that I trusted him, he was doing that because _he_ wanted to do this right. He wanted us to be whole this time…no secrets, fears or insecurities between us. Just us and our love…and the forever that we wanted to share with each other.

He wanted forever with me.

And I wanted forever with him.

More than anything.

My nervousness increased exponentially as the seconds passed slowly. Too slowly. I needed him there with me…holding me, loving me and connecting me in the way that only we could when we were together. I wanted him to consume me physically, the same way he consumed me emotionally.

He owned me.

Mind and body.

Heart and soul.

My entire body jumped and tensed when the phone rang. I answered without even looking at the screen, knowing it was the front desk calling to let me know that he was there. As soon as I told them that I was expecting him, I tore out of the bed and to the front door. I didn't want to wait for him to knock. I wanted him to know that I was waiting for him, that he would never have to wait for me again. I had made my choice and I knew, without a single doubt in my heart and mind, that there had never been another choice. He was it for me. The beginning and the end…and I would never love anyone the way that I loved him. He had been right when he said those words to me in this doorway.

"_I will never stop loving you, Isabella Swan, and I know that you will never stop loving me."_

It was then that I decided that meeting him in the door wasn't enough. I wanted to be the first thing he saw when he got off the elevator. I wanted to see his face when he stepped out, knowing that it had always _been_ him. It would always _be_ him. Forgetting that I was essentially wearing lingerie, I stepped out into the hallway and walked toward the elevator with my heart pounding in my chest. I waited, holding my breath the entire time, longing to see him, desperate to touch him...and loving him with every cell of my being.

He was right.

He had been always been right.

The elevator dinged as the doors opened and the first thing I saw was his green eyes. As soon as our gazes connected, I gasped. So did Edward. As he stepped out into the hall, I took in his appearance. He was wearing dark, low-slung jeans a grey sweater and a black jacket. His bronze hair was a mess of disarray and his mouth was slightly open as he looked at me. He was beautiful. He was always so, so beautiful. His eyes travelled back up to mine and I heard his voice all low and deep as he said my name.

"Bella."

I stood, frozen, unsure of what I should do next. Should I run to him? Throw my arms around him? Before I could decide, he was speaking again.

"Wha – what are you…what are you doing here?"

"I live here," I responded dumbly, confused by his question.

I took a step closer to him, my entire body aching to be pressed against his. My hands were fisted at my sides holding back, when I realized…I didn't want to hold back any more. The whole reason he was here was because I didn't want to hold back. I only wanted him.

_Reach for me._

_Touch me._

_Need me._

_Love me._

"No," he said, taking another step closer to me. The space between us was becoming smaller and more charged. "What are you doing out here in the hallway?"

This was it…the moment that I had to tell him…to finally show him that he was my choice. I took a deep breath, licking my bottom lip, and I stared into his eyes with all of the intensity and overpowering emotion that I felt staring back at me.

"I'm here for you, Edward," I said. My voice sounded small and I wanted it to sound sure, so I spoke again. "I wanted to be here…to see you…and I wanted you to see me – to see that – to know that – I've made my choice, Edward."

The motion of his hand reaching toward me at his side drew my eyes from his as I looked down. Without a single thought or another hesitation, I stepped to him and wrapped his hand in mine. And with that one gesture and the space no longer between us…it was done. He pulled me into his arms, one hand splayed across the small of my back and the other threaded in my hair. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he murmured hot and wet into my ear.

"Tell me, Bella…tell me your choice."

I could hear his breathing and his scent enveloped me with his arms. And I knew that it didn't matter…nothing else mattered but that…but him. He was my home and he was only choice that I could make.

"You," I whispered against his neck as I nuzzled the line of his jaw. "It has always been you…it was always be you."

His mouth had covered mine before the last word fell from my lips. It was urgent and hard and I opened myself to him as his tongue pressed against mine. He tasted of everything I'd ever wanted, of love and a need that was desperate and calm all at the same time. I was frantic as he kissed me but the feeling of him on and inside my mouth soothed and centered me in a way that I hadn't felt since before my world fell apart. It was him. He was holding me together and placing the pieces of our broken hearts back together.

I couldn't get close enough to him and he pulled me closer, sensing what I needed. _And I needed him_. I needed all of him. He pulled away from my mouth, his bottom lip slipping through my teeth because I wasn't ready for him to stop. I looked into his eyes for the briefest of moments and I saw that they were dark and dilated. He trailed hot and wet kisses and licks down my jaw before his mouth found purchase on my neck. He began to suck the skin at the curve of my shoulder and I cried softly into his ear as I felt his hands slide down my back over the swell of my hips, holding me and cupping me in the palms of his hands.

"Please, Edward," I whimpered. "Please…take me inside…to our bed."

His whole body stilled at my plea, as if he recognized for the first time where we were. The moment felt familiar and it was then that I realized that we had come full-circle. Without warning, he lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. Not another word was spoken between us and his lips claimed mine again before he carried me down the hall and into my apartment.

He closed the door with his foot before spinning me around and pressing me up against it. I cried into his mouth and he sucked my bottom lip as I opened my eyes. His eyes were open and hungry, but soft at the same time. I brought my hands to his face…touching him, feeling him under my fingers. It was almost as if I needed to know that he was real…that he was actually there holding me and kissing me and loving me.

And then it hit me…I hadn't told him that I loved him since he arrived.

And he hadn't told me.

I pulled back, sucking in a deep breath that tasted like him and he whimpered at the loss of my mouth on his. I knew how he felt, but I needed to say it…and I needed to say before we went any further.

"Edward," I whispered, my hands still touching his face.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked.

He pressed a gentle and open kiss against the exposed skin of my chest. His mouth was hot against my flesh and the intimate feeling of the gesture cause me to moan.

"Look at me," I told him softly.

He drew his eyes to mine and they were swimming with a million emotions, all of them pressing, but none of them as important as the love I saw pouring from them. He was breathing heavy and I could feel his heart pounding in his chest just like mine. I took my thumb and dragged it across his bottom lip and he kissed it softly, sweetly.

"You told me," I started, my voice shaking slightly. "You told me on my father's front porch that you could leave me there to figure things out because you had hope."

"Bella," he whispered my name and I silenced him with a gentle closed kiss.

I pulled back to look at him again and the energy around us was powerful and quiet.

"You said that you had hope that I would come home to you."

"Yes," he told me.

"I need you to know that I came home, Edward," I told him, tears filling my throat and causing me to choke up. "I came home and I need you to know…you have to know…that it didn't feel like home until now."

His eyes were soft and he had stopped breathing altogether as he waited for me to speak again.

"You are my home, Edward," I said, a single tear falling from my eye and slipping down my cheek. "Wherever you are is my home because…because I love you, Edward. I love you so much…and I need you to know that, I want you to know that before we make love."

I kissed him softly on the lips, moving my lips against his, pressing my fingers into the skin of his face that was slightly rough to my touch from his stubble. He pulled back, taking in a deep and trembling breath and I didn't need to wonder what he was thinking because it was so clearly explained in the way that he was looking at me.

"Tell me," he whispered. "Tell me again."

"I love you."

He kissed me forcefully, passionately until I was dizzy with need for him…desperate for reciprocation of my feelings.

"Again," he said, his voice filling the quiet space around us.

"I love you."

"I'll never get tired of hearing it…_and knowing_…knowing that you mean it."

I didn't need to wonder how he felt…but I needed to hear it, too. And just like I knew what he was thinking, he knew what I needed in return.

"Bella," he said lowly. "I love you…I will never stop loving you."

I pulled his face to mine, kissing him with abandon. He whimpered into my mouth and as I took in his cries and his kisses, he walked us slowly to the bedroom. Once we were inside, he released me and slid me to the floor. His hands never left my body, though he pulled back to look at me again.

"I meant what I said earlier," he told me. "I will wait for you as long as you need, but once we do this…once you take me to _our_ bed, Bella…once we take this step together…I'm not leaving. I will never be able to stay away again once we make love."

I sucked in a breath at the commanding tone of his voice and I whimpered at the implication of his words and in that moment, I knew that I needed him to mean it. I never wanted him to leave again…and I would never leave him.

"This is it for me…you, Bella…you are it for me," he said, running his hands along my sides. "When we do this, I need to know that this is forever…because you are my forever. And I swear to god I will never hurt you again."

"I know you won't" I whispered. And I did. I knew he would never lie to me again. I knew it before he'd said the words. I knew it before I got on the plane to come home to him. "You are it for me, too. Edward. You're my forever, too."

At my words, he was kissing me again; my mouth, my face, my neck. His mouth was hot and wet against my skin and as he kissed me I could hear him whispering in between kisses.

"I love you…I'll never hurt you again…you're mine, Bella."

I didn't know if he was saying those things to me…if he knew that he was saying them at all, but the only thing I could do was answer him back, letting him know that I felt the same way.

"I love you, too…I know you won't…I'm yours Edward, yours."

My trembling hands reached up to his jacket and began to push it from his shoulders. He complied helping me take it off of him. It fell to the floor with a soft thud and then his hands were on me again…clutching, pulling, touching and making my body feel alive with desire and want. I needed him. I needed him more than I'd ever needed him before. My insistent hands found the hem of his sweater and with fingers that had been deprived for too long, I stroked the line of his abdomen above his jeans. I felt his body shudder faintly from the skin to skin contact. I was desperate to just _feel _him. I pushed them up higher, feeling the soft trail of hair on his stomach and when my hands reached his chest, I rubbed the pads of my thumbs across his nipples. He cried out at the sensation and I covered his mouth with mine, wanting to take in everything that was him. He owned my cries…I wanted to own his.

I brought my mouth down to his throat, licking and sucking. I tried to be gentle, but every part of me was emanating this overpowering desire that was fraught with desperation to just connect with him. I needed to show him with my body what I had already told him with my words. He was my world. He was my everything. I wanted to be the same thing for him. His fragrance filled my senses. He was virile and fresh, sensual and tender. I could taste him with every lap of my tongue and it wasn't enough…I felt like it would never be enough.

I brought my hands down and across his ribs before moving them to his back. He was warm under the sweater and as my fingernails grazed his back, he hissed and pulled me closer. Bringing my hands down, I lifted and tugged at his sweater, needing to take it off. He pulled his hands up and over my stomach, his palms stopping for just a moment to cup my breasts...holding them, feeling them through the lace of my camisole. Even through the flimsy fabric, I could feel the heat of his hands that were just as needy as mine.

"Oh, Edward," I moaned as I felt the way my body reacted to him; my nipples hardening as the sensitive skin pebbled from his touch that had been gone for too long. "Oh, god...please."

"Fuck," he said; his voice thick and gravelly. "Bella."

He gave my breasts another gentle squeeze and suddenly, he raised his arms and I pushed his sweater up and over his head. Once his sweater was off, I dropped it in a pile at our feet and his hands were on me again. I ran my hands along his now bare skin that felt like hot satin under my touch. The skin was soft over his body that was so hard and it struck me in that moment, that he was mine. This perfect man that felt so good and loved me so much was mine.

My hands stilled as I looked up at him. His eyes had been closed, but he opened them, looking down at me. His gaze was hooded, his eyes were dark with desire and as he took me in, I heard him take in a sharp, but quivering breath.

"Never stop, Bella," he murmured. "Never stop looking at me like that. I was so scared that you would never look at me like that again."

"I love you," I told him.

"I love you, too," he whispered. "I would give you anything."

"I only want you," I said. "You are everything."

His head dipped to my chest and he took one my breasts in his hand and slowly...so slowly, he pulled the peak of my rounded flesh into his mouth, sucking it through the fabric. I cried out and his other hand circled around me, pulling closer to him. The sensation of the lace, hot and wet from his mouth rubbing against my tender flesh only intensified as he sucked me harder and swirled his tongue around the fabric directly over my nipple. When he finally pulled his mouth away, my legs were weak and wobbly. I was sure that if he released me, I wouldn't be able to stand.

He didn't let me go, but only held me closer, burying his face in the hair hanging around my shoulders. His breath was warm and soft as he panted and he was whispering such sweet and beautiful words in my ear, telling me everything that I needed to hear, even though my heart already knew what he was professing.

"I love you so much, Bella...so fucking much. Thank you, thank you for coming home to me...for forgiving me...for loving me."

I whimpered at his words as he kissed my neck through the strands of my hair and the sound of his groan vibrating in my ear made my entire body tremble and shiver.

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

My mind was clouded with desire and need and even though I heard him, a response couldn't form on my tongue. He pulled back, looking at me, my body still wrapped in his strong arms.

"You have to tell me, Bella…you have to tell me that you're sure."

He was looking for reassurance that I wanted this…wanted him. And it only made me love him all the more. I pulled back, bringing my hands to his face and looking at him, wanting him to see the truth in my eyes.

"I'm certain, Edward," I told him, my own voice thick and then I kissed his lips softly. "I've never been more sure of anything."

I was standing one minute looking at him and in the next moment, I was swept up in his arms as he carried me to the bed with his mouth covering mine. He was hot and wet and passion and love and I my trembling body was on fire with anticipation for what I knew was going to happen between us...what I needed to happen between us. I was telling him the truth when I told him that I had never been more certain about anything. Because I was. I loved him so much more than my mind could comprehend and nothing else mattered but that. All of the pain and the heartbreak and the sadness were nothing compared to the consuming love I felt for this man holding me in his arms. It had all been a vehicle to bring us here…to this place where he loved me completely and I loved him just the same – with all his flaws and attributes, combining to make a man that was far from perfect…but entirely perfect for me.

He placed me on the edge of the bed…softly, tenderly. When he pulled his mouth from mine with a whimper, I saw everything that I was feeling. Every single fucking emotion that was coursing through my body was reflected in his eyes as he looked at me. It was mirrored in the way that he was touching me with his own hands that trembled and shook…and it echoed in the quiet of the room with the timbre of his low voice as he once again told me that he loved me.

He felt the same way.

I had never been perfect in our relationship. I had overreacted and ran when I was disappointed. But still, he looked at me and my insecurities that I'd tried so hard to mask because I'd never felt worthy…and he loved me. And the most amazing part of it, of this realization, was that he didn't love me in spite of those things. He loved me because of them, because of who I was…and who I would be once I let all off my insecurities go because they didn't matter anymore. He loved me just the same. He loved all of me and I would never doubt his love again.

He knelt down before me, his hands ghosting up the outside of my thighs. His hands felt so warm against my skin, his touch so gentle. He reached my hips and his fingers dipped into the band of my shorts and then he stilled completely and looked into my eyes once more.

"I love you," he murmured. "More than anything."

I felt a tear spill over, running hot and streaking down my cheek.

"I love you more than anything, too, Edward."

He leaned forward and kissed me and as his tongue swept across my lips and parted them, I could feel the tension in his hands as the clenched the material that covered the place that I was wet and needing his touch. I moaned into his mouth and he gulped in my breath before pulling back. I felt him begin to slide the fabric over my hips and I raised myself to help him. I felt every inch as his hands slid down my legs with the shorts and when he removed them completely, I brought my face back to his. Only he wasn't looking at me then. His eyes were trained on the line of my legs as he stroked and rubbed my skin, drawing them upward. When he reached my hips, he brought his hands between my legs, pausing to speak to me.

"Lift your hands over your head."

His voice was husky and only served to arouse me even further. I did as he said and I felt his hands leave my legs and left my camisole over my arms as he removed it. When I opened my eyes again, he was staring at me.

"Beautiful," he whispered as his hands ran down my chest touching my breasts, stroking my stomach.

"Lay back," he said. "Spread your legs for me, Bella."

There was something about the way he told me to do that that cause a wave of emotion and desire to roll over me. I did as he asked and I was desperate for him to touch me there. I could feel my sex pulsing between my legs and as he finished parting my legs and spread me out before him, I whimpered, biting down on my bottom lip. I closed my eyes and felt as his hand stroked the outside of my sex, never once exploring my inside. I felt his soft hair against my thigh as he kissed and licked the tender skin there, pausing at the bend in my knee to suck my flesh. Flickers of images of the first time he had marked me on my thigh filtered to my clouded mind, but the moment I felt his fingers spread my sex, every other thought left my mind. It was just me and him…and what he was doing to me.

He moved his mouth to my other leg and continued his beautiful torture, but this time I could feel as his fingers stroked just inside me.

"You're so fucking wet, baby," he whispered against my leg.

It wasn't loud or commanding and I wasn't sure if he was saying to me, but the sound of those words sent another wave of moisture to when I could feel his fingers…and I knew he could feel it too. I felt the stubble his jaw against my thigh as he moved closer to where I wanted him…where I needed him. I could feel his breath against the wet skin and it felt cool against the heat of my sex.

And then it happened.

He whispered he loved me again and at once, I could feel his mouth on me…his tongue lapping and licking as he continued to spread me open with his fingers. My entire body was tense and all I could do was feel what wonderful and glorious things he could do to my body with his mouth and his perfect tongue. I was making inarticulate sounds and gasping, but this only seemed to encourage him further.

"So good," he said against my lower lips and the feeling of his voice vibrating against the already quivering flesh caused me to cry out.

"Oh, god, Edward...god, yes."

Then, with his tongue swirling around my clit, he began to pet and stroke me with two fingers. I could hear the wet sound of his skin against mine and just when I thought I wouldn't be able to take it anymore, he pushed a finger into my opening...and then another. He pumped them in and out at a slow pace at first, increasing the speed with each and every cry that escaped my mouth.

"Does that feel good, baby?" he asked. "You feel so good around my fingers. So soft and hot."

I couldn't even form the words I wanted to say to him. I could only focus on the way he was touching me and loving me with his hands...could barely process the things that he was saying.

"You are so beautiful...your body is so perfect," he rasped. "It was made for me, Bella...your body was made for me."

I was so close, my entire body tense and trembling and tied into a thousand knots.

"Please," I whimpered. "Please, don't stop...oh, god..."

"Oh, Bella," he said and then he covered my clit with his mouth, licking first, then sucking hard as he twisted and stilled his fingers...and I fell into a million little pieces as I came, spasming around his hand.

He didn't move at first. My hands that had been at my sides were now clutching his hair and I couldn't remember even reaching for him. I jumped as he licked my swollen and too-sensitive flesh again...and I cried out as he pulled his fingers from me.

He lifted his head to look at me and with my eyes that were barely open; I saw all the love and passion that he felt for me.

"Your taste, Bella," he whispered. "The way you taste on my tongue..."

He brought his fingers to his lips and I watched as he sucked them into his mouth and the vision before me was perfect and wrong all at the same time. I loved that he was tasting me...that he _wanted_ to taste me, but I wanted his mouth on mine.

"Kiss me, Edward," I whimpered. "I want to taste me on your tongue."

His eyes grew dark and serious and in an instant he was covering me, his lips were moving against mine. His arms slipped under my back and he pulled me up and he was on his knees in between my splayed thighs and I couldn't get close enough. I kissed and sucked his lips and tongue greedily, loving the remnants of me in his mouth…adoring the knowledge that it was there because of what he'd just given me.

His mouth moved across my cheek and down my neck as he brought one of his hands around to my breast. My hands were on his back and my fingers dug into his flesh, which caused him to hiss in response. I was afraid that I was hurting him, but my mind too clouded with my orgasm to stop.

I needed more.

I needed him.

"Please, Edward," I pled. "Please…I need you."

"You have me," he murmured, trying to reassure me.

"I need you naked," I confessed. "I need to see you…to feel all of you…naked with me."

He pulled back, looking at me, searching for something in my eyes. My desire was rolling off me in waves, my love for him pouring out of every part of my being. As our eyes connected, I knew he found what he was looking for and slowly, deliberately, he raised himself from the floor and stood before me. I undid the button on his jeans and made quick work of his zipper as he kicked off his shoes. I sank to the floor on my knees and I pushed the denim and boxers down his legs. He stepped out of them and for the first time in so long, I took in the vision that was Edward's cock. It was as perfect and beautiful as I remembered, and I knew exactly how he felt about my body being his…because his body was mine.

Without hesitation, I circled my hand around his length and he cried out my name at the contact. He was long and hard and smooth and _mine_…and I leaned forward and pulled him into my mouth.

"Bella, baby…fuck," he cried as I began to suck him.

There was nothing in the world like the feeling of having Edward in my mouth. As he brought his hands to my hair, I found myself allowing him to slip in deeper, swirling my tongue and scraping his length with my teeth. He whimpered my name above me and told me he loved me and I understood completely what my sounds had done for him only moments before. His sounds made me delirious and desperate to just _show_ him in this way how much I loved him…how much I loved that I could please him.

I felt his legs begin to tremble and he stilled my head with his hands. I looked up at him through my lashes and I could see the lines of restraint on his face.

"You have to stop," he told me softly. "You have to stop because I want to make love you, Bella. I need to make love to you, now."

I took me a moment to understand what he was saying and I knew that if I continued I would bring him to climax and he wouldn't be able to make love to me then. I pulled my mouth from him, looking at the way his sex glistened in the soft light, in awe of how beautiful he really was.

"When I come…I want to be inside you, looking in your eyes."

He pulled me from the floor, wrapping his arms around me. I reveled in the way our bodies felt against each other, bare naked and completely open and exposed. He kissed me deeply, wetly as he led me to our bed. We tumbled down together clutching and holding and grasping onto one another. He knelt above me, his knees between mine…and he peppered kissed across my neck and chest.

"I love you," he whispered. "It has always been you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward…so much."

He leaned down once more and kissed me softly. This kiss was reverent and devoted. I kissed him back, crying softly against his lips. He positioned himself between my legs and brought one of his hands down to his sex, stroking it softly while the other caressed my side and the swell of my breast. I found myself enthralled at the sight of him touching himself before me.

"My god, Edward," I whispered. "You're beautiful."

He pressed forward and kissed me and I could feel his head touching my wet and wanting sex.

"You, Bella," he murmured against my mouth. "You are the beautiful one. I waited my entire life to find you and I know that I hurt you…but, Bella, please believe me. I will _never_ hurt you again."

"I know," I whispered, tears filling my eyes. "I know."

_And I did._

He pushed into me then…and the feeling of being filled by him was beyond anything I could describe. It was so much better than I remembered. There was nothing in the world around us. It was just me and just him…and we were so connected, _more connected_ than we ever had been. His hand stroked my cheek and his eyes never once left mine. He cried out above me, calling out my name and telling me how much he loved and needed me.

I clung to his back, wrapping my legs around him as he thrust into me time and time again. His hair was dark and wet from sweat and I marveled at the beauty that he was…and I realized that he was so much more beautiful making love to me now, than he ever was before. And I knew that it was because, for the first time, he was making love to me, free of fear and doubt. He knew that I loved him…that I loved all of him and nothing would ever change that.

I saw in his face when he was close and I was close too. He reached his hand between us and stroked me…urging me to get there.

_Closer._

"I love you, Bella," he cried. "I love you so fucking much."

_Closer._

"I love you, Edward," I whimpered.

_Closer._

He pressed his lips to mine before pulling back and as his eyes searched my eyes, he whispered one word.

"_Forever."_

And with that word…and that _one_ promise…I tumbled over the edge with him, falling into an ecstasy where only we existed. Edward collapsed on top of me, clinging to me and loving me…and I loved him just the same. Everything in our lives wasn't perfect, but we were perfect together.

And together…we were enough.

_**A/N**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**Marvar, truly, there are no words. (I think we've used them all at this point.) Thank you will never be enough. I love and adore you more and more. I've even considered writing you poetry, but it would suck and I know that you fic-divorce me. You make me laugh, you let me vent and you text me all night when I am stuck at work and can't go home. You kick ass, babes! You = Win. #FLS**_

_**Thank you to my readers. Thank you for allowing me to take the last week off to focus on my actual career. The week was long and I really did miss posting, but you have all been so wonderful and supportive. You make me smile. Thank you to all the new readers in the last two weeks. It has been fun to read reviews from the beginning of the story. Sometimes I forget just how far we've come.**_

_**I am participating in the FGB Eclipse Auction. I will be writing a chapter of Retail Therapy in EPOV…and the highest bidder chooses the chapter! Please PM Marvar on FF or tweet her on twitter at marvar29 if you are interested in being on Team Darcyward.**_

_**LiMB is on schedule to post in the morning. See you then!!!**_

_**What owns me this week:**_

_**Two new fics own my ass this week.**_

"_**A Matter of Trust" by quietruby**_

_**This fic is awesome so far! I was completely sucked in by this Bella and Edward is all dreamy. (And kind of familiar.)**_

"_**Tuesday's Gone" by nerac**_

_**This fic is wonderful and heartbreakingly brilliant. I love the author's writing style and I know you will, too.**_

_**(Disclaimer: It's emo, but beautiful.)**_

_**Please. Go. Read.**_

_**Tell them cosmo sent you!!!!**_


	35. Reconciliation and Revelations

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a new pink Vespa! **_

_**I will totes be driving it at the beach!**_

_**Wave if you see me!**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 35

My heart was still pounding as he wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close to him with my back flush against his chest. He was warmth and love as his lips pressed against my neck, kissing and whispering words that my hazy mind couldn't quite make out, yet their meaning was implicit. I could still feel the effects of our lovemaking in our skin that was still slick with sweat as his hands stroked and caressed me, and in the tender, swollen flesh of my sated sex.

I felt the moment that he finally relaxed into me as one hand settled on my stomach and the other cupped my breast. The moment was so tender and quiet as I listened to his breathing and the steady beat of his heart. And the moment was perfect.

"Are you okay?" he murmured into my ear.

I shivered at the way his warm breath touched and tickled my ear and my mind was able to focus on his words for the first time.

"Mmm…I'm more than okay," I said and my voice sounded thick and deep.

I pressed my hips against him, not meaning to be sexual, just wanting to be more connected…closer. He responded by bring his hand from my breast to my cheek and turning my face toward his. He captured my lips in a kiss that started soft but deepened quickly. He groaned into my mouth and without even thinking about it, my body shifted and turned to face him, kissing him and giving him complete access to me. My arms wrapped around him and he enveloped all of me with his body that molded perfectly to mine.

"I wasn't sure," I started, as I pulled away from his mouth. "I wasn't sure that we would ever make it back here."

He looked into my eyes, his own eyes open and accepting…understanding.

"I know," he said as he nuzzled into my neck, breathing deeply. "I was so scared that I'd lost you forever, but I couldn't let you go. I couldn't imagine my life without you anymore."

"I'm glad," I whispered, feeling overcome by his words. "I'm thankful that you never let go…even when I did."

He kissed my neck before pulling back to look at me.

"Please, Bella," he said. "Don't feel bad about needing to separate yourself. I know why you needed to. It was me…I just couldn't let go of the idea that you would be the only woman that I would ever hold like this, the only woman that I would ever love."

My heart swelled at his words because I knew, without any question or doubt, that he was telling me the truth. I felt the heat rise from my chest and neck to my face and I was surrounded by the warmth of his love.

"I felt the same way, Edward," I said. "I never stopped loving you for one moment…I could never bring myself to think that there could be anyone else. I just…I just couldn't."

He looked at me for the longest time, just breathing in and out, taking in my words. I wanted him the feel the depth of my love for him. I wanted him to know that this was where I wanted to be. I felt as he trailed his hand down my side and over the swell of my hip and we moved our legs until they were tangled together. I felt like I was able to breathe…_really breathe_ for the first time in so long. I had never been one to rely on my feelings much in my life. They were too abstract a concept to be truly trustworthy. All of that was different now. It was different because I was different…and I was different because of him.

Edward.

He made me different.

It was as if I couldn't get close enough to him. Sighing, I placed my head against his chest and listened to the soothing cadence of his heart. He centered me. His love calmed and reassured me. I enjoyed the feeling of his hands exploring me with soft touches and gentle strokes. It wasn't until his hand found mine and he twined our fingers together, that I heard him release an audible sigh. I kissed his chest once before settling my head against him again. He brought our joined hands up, kissing our fingers before laying them beside me.

"I don't understand how," he started before pausing.

"How what?" I murmured, not looking at him, but rather, completely enthralled in the way our hands looked together.

"How it can feel so different…and still feel the same."

I smiled at his words as they warmed and covered me in their sincerity.

"No, not the same," he said. "It's completely different, Bella. This time will be _completely_ different."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

I thought I knew what he meant because I knew what those words meant to me, but I wanted to hear him say it…there…holding me in his arms.

"It's so different now because I know that there is nothing that can come between us now. I know that you love and have forgiven me."

"You knew that a week ago in Forks," I said softly.

"I know, baby…but everything was still so raw for you, then…for me." He took a deep breath, the action causing his chest to swell and lift my head. I don't know why, but that feeling of me moving with him as he moved somehow seemed symbolic…important somehow.

"You needed time to really think about things without me there and honestly, I needed time…to consider what I would do if you decided that you really couldn't trust me." His voice was low as he spoke the last few words.

"Did you really think that I wouldn't choose you?" I asked, surprised by his admission.

"I really hoped that you would…_thought_ that you would," he said. "I just wasn't ever completely sure until tonight."

"I knew the moment that I heard your voice," I said. "I knew that I couldn't bear to go another day without you."

He squeezed my hand and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you, Bella."

"And I love you, Edward…completely."

We stayed like that together and the time seemed to pass in loving touches and tender kisses. We didn't make love again. Our bodies had given everything that we could give to each other already. It was more than enough to just hold onto one another. Somewhere, as the late night hours mixed and melted together, the both of us found sleep and for the first time ever…it was peaceful for us both.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I awoke the next morning to the feeling of Edward's arms still wrapped around me. There was something different about the way he felt, but the fog of my sleep made it difficult to tell exactly what it was. It wasn't until I reached my arms above my head to stretch that I figured out what was different. Edward was dressed. Edward was dressed and holding me in bed while I was still naked.

"Good morning, baby," he murmured as he leaned in to kiss me.

"Good morning," I said, clearing my throat. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

I looked at him and let my still-sleepy eyes travel down his body that was completely covered in the clothes he was wearing the night before. I took a moment to appreciate the fact that even though he was covered, I knew that he was perfect. Then I pulled back the sheet, looked at myself and then back at him.

"Umm…you don't see anything wrong with this picture?"

He pulled back the sheet then, taking in my naked form and then turned around, looking into my eyes. His eyes were green and bright and filled with passion. He dragged his fingers along my neck and chest before palming my breast and teasing my areola with his thumb and index finger, watching as it reacted to his touch. I moaned lightly in response, feeling the flush creep over my chest. He kissed my cheek before pressing his open mouth against my ear.

"No, baby," he whispered, all hot and wet. "I don't see anything wrong with _this _picture at all."

I shivered from the way his breath felt against my ear and I unconsciously pushed myself against him. He held me closer and he felt so good and I felt so content. I really felt as if I could have stayed with him in bed all day, doing nothing but kissing him and loving him and getting to know his body all over again. Thinking about his body made me remember that he was wearing clothes.

"Umm…" I said turning my head so that I could look at him. "Why are you dressed?"

He chuckled softly.

"I have to go," he said. "I need to head home so that I can get ready for work."

It took a moment for his words to settle in and I realized that for the first time in my adult life, I would not be going to work…and I didn't know when I would actually be returning to work again. I didn't know how to be this person and I knew that I needed to make some decisions about my professional life, now that I knew where I stood in my personal one. I might not be returning to Fineley's, but I knew that Edward was my choice.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked me as he pulled me closer. "I felt like I lost you there for a minute."

I shook my head and looked at him.

"No…no, you didn't lose me," I told him in a quiet voice. "I was just thinking about the fact that you were going to work and I wasn't. It just feels…strange. Does that make sense? I don't know if I know how to do this."

I was being completely honest with him now. I knew that going forwar we would have to be honest with each other. It would never work any other way. I think we had both learned that lesson.

"Are you going to be okay?" he asked, concern filling his voice.

"I'm going to be fine," I said…and with those words, I knew that I would be. "Can you do something for me before you leave?"

"Anything," he whispered.

"Kiss me," I said.

His eyes grew dark and he moaned roughly before capturing my mouth with his and once again, I was swept up in him and us and the promise of what we could be…what we were going to be together.

I slipped on his cashmere robe and walked him to the front door, hating to say goodbye after our night together. We stood in the doorway for a moment before he pulled me into his arms again.

"I'm going to miss you today," he murmured. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet," I told him.

"Will you call me…or text me?"

"Well," I said, smiling up at him. "Why don't you call me whenever you're missing me, Mr. Cullen?"

"I guess I'll be calling you all day."

I reached up on my tip-toes and put my arms around his neck.

"Mmm…" I hummed my lips against the skin of his neck. "I'll be sure to charge my phone battery, then."

I opened my lips slightly and let the tip of my tongue slip out and slide against his skin. He tasted so good that I just couldn't help myself and before I knew it…my mouth was fully open and I was sucking his sweet spot softly.

"Fuck, Bella," he rasped.

In an instant, I was pushed back up against the door and his hand was inside the front of the robe touching me, feeling me, making me want to beg him to stay with me. His lips crashed into mine.

Urgent.

Kissing.

Wet.

I met his kisses with equal fervor, my hands moving from his neck as they found purchase in his hair. He moaned into my mouth, causing me to whimper as I pulled back needing air. Once my eyes were open, they were met with his and the intense way that he was looking at me was staggering.

"Tell me not to go," he said and I could feel his breath against my cheek and hair. "Tell me, Bella…tell me and I'll stay."

He was telling me exactly what I wanted to hear…saying to me exactly what I wanted him to say. My body was responding to his touch and desire was taking over my mind that was clouded with the sudden intensity of the moment.

I could see the rise and fall of his chest from his deep breathing and I could feel his hand that was still determinedly attached to my breast.

"Why?" I managed to whisper. "Why did you get out of bed and get dressed this morning?"

He seemed confused by my question, but he answered anyway.

"Because I needed to go to work."

"Then I think you should go to work." I kissed him on the lips, gently this time, but still feeling the passion and desire that was coursing between us. "I'll still be here when you get done this evening."

"You want me to go?"

"No," I assured him. "But if you need to go, then I think that's the right thing to do."

"I need you more than I need to go, Bella."

"I need you, too."

The words had no sooner escaped my lips before his mouth claimed mine again…and his body claimed mine, as well.

Up against the door.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

After we made love again and Edward finally left for work, I thought I would feel empty…but I didn't. I felt at peace about everything that had taken place between us the night before, but more than the peace, I felt hopeful about our future together. I didn't know what my professional future held for me, but there was one thing I needed to do before I made my decision. Before I could make anything official, there was one person that I needed to talk to.

It was a conversation that I had been simultaneously dreading and anticipating since I boarded the plane to come home. Honestly, I'd been worried about this moment since the weekend after Thanksgiving, but Michael deserved better from me than what I'd given him. He should have been able to trust that given my position and the responsibility that I had to not only him, but my store…that I would never do anything like that. I had essentially abandoned my job at the worst possible time and it only made me feel worse that he thought something was wrong with me. Deciding that I couldn't put it off any longer, I walked to the bedroom, picked up my phone and called him.

I held my breath while the phone rang. He answered on the third ring.

"Hello, Bella?"

"Hello, Michael. I was wondering…do you think you would be able to meet me for lunch today?"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

After I'd taken a shower and gotten dressed, I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself. I looked the same as I always had, but something about me seemed different. I was dressed casually in a pair of black Lauren pants and turtleneck sweater with black heeled boots and the fragrance of Chanel still lingered in the room around me from when I'd sprayed it on earlier. I pulled my hair back into a loose ponytail and decided that I was as ready as I was ever going to be. I grabbed my red pashmina and wrapped it around my neck and just as I picked up my handbag, I heard my iPhone ping inside. I quickly fished it out and looked at the screen and saw that I had a text message from Edward.

"_**Missing your voice…really, just missing you."**_

I smiled at the words, but more at the sentiment. I texted back.

"_**I miss you, too. How is your day?"**_

"_**Long. Meet me for lunch?"**_

Instead of texting back, I called him. He answered immediately.

"Hey, baby," he murmured and I wondered how even over the phone, his voice could be so…so sexy. "I was hoping that you'd call."

"Really?" I chided back. "And why were you hoping that?"

"Because I can't stop thinking about you," he said; his voice suddenly lower than before. "About last night…and this morning."

I felt my whole body tingle from his words and my face flushed. I was rapidly beginning to feel like I was wearing too many layers.

"Mmmm…last night wonderful, Edward," I said softly. "And this morning was…well, this morning was…"

"Perfect," he completed my sentence.

"Yes…this morning was perfect."

"Please, Bella. Meet me for lunch. I don't think that I can wait until tonight to see you."

Fuck, I wanted to see him again, too. I felt like we were right back in the beginning when we couldn't get enough of each other. A small giggle escaped my lips because I realized that there had never been a time in our relationship where that _wasn't_ the case. We had always been so drawn to each other…physically and emotionally. The space between us was always charged even when it was cozy and relaxed.

"I love the sound of your laugh, Bella."

"Yeah?" I asked playfully.

"Will you come to lunch, baby?" he persisted. "I'll meet you wherever you want...or I'll pick you up."

"I can't meet you for lunch, Edward," I told him. "I made other plans this morning."

"Oh," he replied. "Are you meeting Alice?"

"No, Edward. I'm meeting Michael Newton for lunch."

"Why are you meeting Newton, Bella?" he asked. He didn't sound irritated, which I almost expected…instead he sounded even and calm. I wished that I could see his face to get a better read on him, because his voice was giving nothing away. "I told you, you have all the time you need to make your decision."

I know you did, Edward," I said. "And I appreciate that, but I need to make a decision for myself. I need to give myself some sort of resolution. I don't like hanging in limbo. I need to be proactive. That's just…that just who I am."

I heard him sigh into the phone before he spoke.

"Do you know what you're going to do?" he asked.

"Honestly, I don't," I answered. "But, really, Edward…I owe Michael an apology."

"You don't owe Newton anything," he contended quickly.

"I do," I said just as swiftly. "And I don't want to argue about this, Edward. Not now…not after everything that's happened between us."

"This is my fault."

I couldn't argue with him, because it was his fault…partially. But he wasn't the one who made my decisions and I wasn't going to allow him to shoulder the blame entirely.

"You had nothing to do with the choices that I made, Edward. That was all me. This is my professional integrity we are talking about and it's…it's important to me. I owe Michael this, if for nothing more than the fact that he has done nothing but support me throughout my career." I paused and he was quiet, so I continued speaking. "I am going to have to put on my big girl panties and do the right thing and yeah, it sucks…but I am woman enough to know and do what's right. And I hope that you'll support me in this."

"Bella," he said softly and I could hear the tender emotion in his voice. "I will support you in anything."

"Good," I told him. "That's all I'm asking for."

"So," he said; his voice low and playful. "Big girl panties? What exactly do _those_ look like?"

I giggled at his inflection.

"I'll tell you what, Mr. Cullen."

"What?"

"Maybe tonight…if we have a lot of fun on our date," I purred, trying to sound sexy. "Maybe then…I'll show you my big girl panties."

"Oh yeah?" he played along. "Maybe I'd rather you let me take them off."

"Mmmm…I'm hanging up now, Edward."

"I love you, Bella," he said. "Call me when you're done."

"Okay, I will. And Edward…I love you, too."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

On my drive to the restaurant, I passed a place selling Christmas trees. It made me smile. I had never had a Christmas tree of my own as an adult. Even if I'd made the time to put one up, I would have never had the time to actually enjoy it. I had always sold Christmas, but never really bought it. I wondered if maybe I should put one up this year. It would be my first Christmas with Edward, and I thought back to Thanksgiving with his family. It was then that I realized that I wanted that with him. I wanted cinnamon sticks and candy canes. I wanted red velvet bows and twinkle lights on a tree. I wanted to share that with him…and I wanted to experience that for myself, and with those thoughts, I resolved to buy a Christmas tree after lunch.

When I arrived at the restaurant, I was a few minutes early. I assumed I would have to wait on Michael to get there since I knew that he making a special trip into the city to see me. I approached the host and gave her my name.

"Isabella Swan. I'll be joining Michael Newton."

"Yes, Ms. Swan," she replied pleasantly. "Mr. Newton is already here and waiting for you."

She led me back to a secluded table. I was happy that we would have some privacy, considering the conversation that we were going to have. As soon as he saw me, he stood and smiled. I thought it would have been awkward, but the moment the host walked away, he pulled me into a warm hug.

"Bella," he said, pulling back to look at me. "It's so good to see you."

"Thank you, Michael. It's good to see you, too."

"Please, have a seat."

We both sat down and for a few moments, the awkward silence between us was filled with drink orders and looking at the menu. I couldn't help but think that this relationship had always been an easy one in my life. We had always responded well to one another. Yes, it had been tense at moments, but for the most part, we understood each other. I had always been fiercely loyal to Michael throughout my career and in return, he had always looked out for my best interests and had guided me through success after success.

"Bella," he said after we'd finally placed our orders. "I've been worried about you. Is everything okay?"

I looked down to my hands that I'd been unconsciously wringing in my lap and took a deep breath before looking back up at him. He was the picture of professionalism in his charcoal suit and ice blue tie that matched his eyes. His blonde hair was perfectly styled and he exuded the same charisma he always had.

"Thank you, Michael," I said sincerely. "I'm fine. I appreciate your concern. You have no idea how much. I wanted to meet with you today for various reasons, but the most important being that I want to offer you an apology."

"What on earth are you sorry for?" he asked, obviously perplexed. "Your health is the most important thing to us…to me."

Of course, I knew that he thought I had been out on medical leave and while I wanted to be honest with him, I also didn't want to say or do anything that would jeopardize Carlisle's involvement as my physician.

"I appreciate that, but as you can see, I'm fine now."

I didn't feel bad about saying this because, truthfully, I hadn't been fine almost two weeks before. I might not have been injured or ill, but I definitely hadn't been in any shape to work or function to my full capacity.

"Yes," he agreed. "You do look well. Bella, what was wrong? I know that I'm not supposed to ask you this and you can feel free to tell me that it's none of my concern, but I care about you. You have worked for me for almost five years. You need to know that you can talk to me…about anything."

There was nothing but sincerity in his voice and I watched and listened to him, I knew that he was telling me the truth.

"Michael, I just had some personal things to deal with and work through, but I need you to know how sorry I am to have essentially _abandoned_…" the word was hard to say and left a bitter taste in my mouth. "to have abandoned my job and my store…and especially you during this time of year. Truly Michael, I am so sorry. You know that's not who I am and you _have_ to know that I would never have done it if the situation hadn't been extreme."

He looked at me for a long time. I could tell that he was trying to choose his words carefully. He was nothing if not articulate and professional personified.

"Bella," he finally said. "I know that you would never do anything to hurt your career and if you tell me that you needed to take some time away due to this…this situation…I believe you. Nothing has changed on my end, or the company's end, for that matter. We still value you as an employee and the conversation that you had with Felix Guard still stands. I know that they want to offer you a promotion, but Bella, can I be completely honest with you?"

"Of course you can," I said. "You know you can."

"I really hope you take the promotion."

"I know," I told him. "You have always been so supportive of me. I can't tell you how much that means, but honestly, I really don't know what I'm going to do yet."

"Well thank you," he replied. "And since we are being honest with one another, I think that you should know that I hope you take the promotion for more than one reason."

"What do you mean?" I asked, laughing nervously for a reason I couldn't quite place. "You'll be glad that your top GSM can't flake out on you the weekend of Thanksgiving?"

He chuckled nervously himself and it was an action that I'd rarely seen in him over the years. He never appeared nervous. He was always the epitome of calm and collected. He looked across to me then and I swallowed thickly as I took in the intense look in his blue eyes. I watched as he reached his hand across the table, and it seemed to happen in slow motion. He took my hand in his and then he spoke again.

"Bella," he said earnestly. "I hope that you take the promotion because that would mean that you are no longer my subordinate. And if you are no longer reporting directly to me, I can be free to tell you something that I've wanted to tell you for a long time."

I began to panic at his words and his gesture.

_This wasn't happening._

_This couldn't be happening._

"Bella…I'm in love with you."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

_**A/N**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**Thank you for your patience in waiting on this chapter. I don't know why the words were so hard to come by (trying not to laugh at hard to come), but they were. I hope it was worth the wait. I say it every week and it continues to be the truth…I have the best readers in the world!**_

_**Marvar, thank you for literally forcing me to find the words for this chapter. Who knew that all it would take was grounding me from Twitter and only one small public chastisement for breaking the rules. You are more than my beta, and my movie-watching friend. You really are my fic-soulmate and I adore you way more than I can express in this Author's Note. Also, thank you for being my writing partner. SFC, indeed. I do believe that we make magic…like *groans* Harry Potter and Hermione. (Did I spell that right?) You own me…and you know it.**_

_**What owns me this week:**_

_**Stampede of a Thousand Pulses by ss10**__**: So yeah, this fic really owns me. Seriously. But I have to tell you and so will the author in chapter one, it isn't pretty and it isn't fluffy. It is real and gritty and heartbreaking. She has an interesting style of writing that I am really enjoying and her words have completely sucked me in.**_

_**Go and read and tell her that cosmo sent you!**_

_**LiMB is on schedule to post in the morning! **_


	36. My Decision

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a rhinestone tiara that I won at gay bingo.**_

_**I also owned the hangover from said gay bingo.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 36

With trembling hands, I ended my call and gripped the steering wheel of my car. It was done and my decision had been made. And it was final. The whooshing of blood in my ears had finally calmed, but the adrenaline that was coursing through my body, was still causing me to shake as if I were having a panic attack. And maybe I was. I couldn't tell anymore.

I took several deep breaths as I looked at the building. I knew I needed to go in, even though a part of me was afraid of what would happen. But there was no other choice given what had taken place. This was the way it had to be...and as scared as I was, I knew that this was the way I _wanted_ it to be.

Flipping down the vanity mirror, I looked at my reflection. My skin was pale, but my cheeks were flushed. My bottom lip was swollen and red from the way my teeth had worried it. I licked my lips even though my tongue felt dry and I silently longed for just a drink of water.

I looked back to the building and resolved myself to just get out and stop procrastinating. This was what I had to do.

And I couldn't...I wouldn't regret my choice.

Not now.

Not ever.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_I sat there staring at Michael blankly, my mouth hanging agape. I couldn't process his words...couldn't begin to believe that there was the remotest possibility that they were true. But as I looked at his face, there was no insincerity to be found. No dishonesty to speak of. And before I could control and stop it, a nervous giggle escaped my lips. And then I was laughing, somewhat maniacally because there was no way that this could be real...he couldn't possibly be in love with me._

"_Well," he stated, somewhat dryly. I could tell that his voice was rigid with tension and I immediately felt bad. "That wasn't exactly the response that I was hoping for."_

_His question caught me off guard because, honestly, I didn't understand what reaction he was expecting. _

"_I'm sorry, Michael," I said sincerely. "It's just – I just – I don't know what to say."_

"_Bella," he said my name with more affection than I'd ever heard from him, but the sound of my name coming from his voice like that wasn't right. It would never be right. "I know this must be unexpected, but I needed you to know the truth. I need you to know how I feel about you…how I've felt about you for some time now."_

_I was the insinuation that these…feelings had been going on for an extended period of time that made me more uncomfortable than the actual feelings themselves. We had developed one of the most important relationships in my life over the last several years. He was my mentor and my guide, but it was never more than a professional friendship. At least on my side. _

"_Michael," I started softly. "You don't mean that. You can't possibly be in love with me."_

"_Bella, I know that I'm crossing a line here, but please…don't trivialize what I feel."_

"_I'm not trivializing it, Michael," I said softly, but with determination. "It's just…it's just that it's not possible. You can't be in love with me. You don't really know anything about me."_

_My words seemed to unnerve him and I watched as he swallowed thickly before taking a drink of his water. He took a deep, but shaking breath and I could tell that he was nervous. This made me nervous as well and I wondered if I should say something else. I decided to wait and let him speak when he was ready. He finally looked back up at me and his blue eyes were fluid and deep…and piercing. I began to panic because I had never seen Michael look at me like this in all of the time he'd known me. He was looking at me, not as my friend and mentor, but the way a man looked at a woman. Only, he was the wrong man._

"_I've known you for almost five years, Bella," he said simply…as if it was the explanation for everything. "I know more about you than you can possibly understand."_

"_Michael, please…don't," I pleaded. "Don't do this."_

_He continued on as if I hadn't said anything._

"_I know that you are the most determined woman I've ever known. I know that you take a while to make decisions, but when you do, you stand by the decisions you've made. I know that you are dedicated and I know that you want to be successful in your life. I know that you are fiercely loyal and would do anything for the people that are important to you…and I know, Bella…I know that I've been important to you." _

_I turned his words over in my mind, completely panicked and unable to speak. It was clear to me that his feelings were much deeper than I'd ever thought. I had never, in all of the years I'd known and worked for him, ever thought that he would harbor such deep feelings for me. While I was still processing his words and trying to decide what I was going to say, he reached his hand across the table and took mine in his._

"_And Bella," he added. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known and I know that I could make you happy if you just gave me the chance. I understand you…who you are….what you need. We could be happy together, Bella. I know you know that."_

_I closed my eyes and flashes of moments like this one flooded my mind. Small physical gestures that I'd disregarded as him being friendly and affectionate. I thought about the night in the bar when he'd held my hand as Edward sat across from us watching him touch me in a way that he felt was inappropriate…much like the way that he was touching me now. I had always attributed Edward's behavior to jealousy and possessiveness, but what if he had been able to see something in Michael that I had never been able to see? Was there a look that I missed? Was there an inflection in his voice that I'd overlooked? Without hesitation, I pulled my hand from his because as much as I didn't want to hurt him – and I didn't – my hand was not his hand to hold. _

_I opened my eyes and was met with his anxious expression._

"_Please, Bella," he urged. "Please talk to me. Say…say something."_

"_Michael…you don't love me," I stated calmly, but with conviction._

"_Please don't try to tell me how I feel, Bella. I know that you might not feel the same way, but I know how I feel about you."_

"_Well, then," I told him. "If you are in love with me…you are in love with an image of me that you've created in your mind because, honestly Michael, you really don't know me."_

"_Did you not just listen to the things I said?" he asked, exasperated. "I know you."_

"_No…you know what I've allowed you to see of me at work, but Michael, you have to know that there is far more to me than that," I told him sincerely." You don't know who I really am as a person. You don't know about my history...you have no real knowledge of my hopes and dreams."_

_"Yes, yes I do, Bella," he said, interrupting me. "I know that you have a need to be successful. I know that you have goals and aspirations that you have worked very hard to see come to fruition. Don't you see? I know you because you and I are one in the same. I understand you far more than you give me credit for."_

_My hands were twisting the napkin in my lap and as I looked at him, I realized that he really thought that those things he understood about me and he did understand them, but he thought that that was who I was. It wasn't. Everything he said was just a very small and compartmentalized, albeit important, part of who I was. They weren't really who I was as a person...and in that moment, the realization of that truth struck me –maybe for the first time in my life._

_"You're right," I told him. "I am all of those things, Michael, but that's not who I am. Not really. There is so much more to me than that. I have hopes and dreams that have nothing to do with my job. I have insecurities and hang-ups and while you know a lot about me...you only know what I have allowed you to see in a professional and platonic environment."_

_"I want to know those things, Bella," he stated softly, his eyes matching the tone of his voice. "I want to get to know those things, but you and I both know that your professional drive is one of the most important things about you."_

_His words stung me as I allowed the implication behind them to settle. A year ago, I might have agreed with him...possibly even considered it a compliment, but that was then and it was certainly not now. So much had changed._

_"The fact that you think that, only shows me that you have very little knowledge of who I really am," I said, the knowledge of my own realization making me bold. "I am so much more than that and even though I might not be perfect, there is someone who knows all the big and small pieces of me. He knows what makes me laugh and he understands what makes me cry and I'm truly sorry, Michael…but even if you do love me, I will never love anyone else."_

_I pulled my hand from his for the last time. I didn't want to hurt him, but I didn't want to send any mixed signals either._

"_Cullen?" he asked knowingly._

"_Yes," I told him. _

"_Bella, I am sorry if I have made you uncomfortable," he told me, looking as nervous as I'd felt for the last hour. "I hope this won't impede our working relationship."_

"_Michael?" I asked. "I need you to honestly tell me if your feelings for me ever influenced the decisions you made to promote me."_

"_Absolutely not, Bella," he stated emphatically. "You earned every bit of success you've had. I might have favored you, but you can't fabricate results. You always delivered results. I am so sorry if my admission today has made you doubt your ability. I never wanted to do that. You are an exceptional leader, Bella. Your success is your own and while I like to think that I have helped you along the way, it has nothing to do with me."_

_I took in his words and thought about my career. I knew that I had earned everything that I'd been awarded. I was good at my job. No, I was fucking great at my job. The old insecurities I had about people's perceptions were just that – insecurities. And I would never allow them to weigh me down again._

_I looked across the table to the man that had taught me almost everything I knew about the industry that I worked in. The air was still thick and awkward between us, but even in the midst of all of that, I was still overcome with a deep and sincere gratitude for him._

"_Bella?" he asked, noticing my change in demeanor._

"_Michael…I've made a decision."_

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I stood at the door; my rapidly beating heart was so loud in the quiet space of the hallway. Why was I so nervous? This had been my choice. He said that he would support whatever I chose to do and I had definitely made my decision clear. It wasn't just the decision that worried me, it was how he was going to react to Michael's disclosure at lunch.

It was a moot point, in my mind anyway. There would never be anyone for me but Edward. Sitting across from Michael at the table while he confessed his love for me - or rather the person he thought I was - had done nothing more than confirm that. Edward knew me...knew all the parts that I was proud of and all of the parts that were needy and insecure. And he loved all of me.

I pushed the door open and there he was…sitting at his desk. His chair was turned around facing the window and he was talking on the phone. I pushed back on the door and it closed with a quiet click, but it was still loud enough for him to hear. He swung around in his chair and the brilliant smile that crossed his face at just the sight of me was enough to calm every fear and ounce of trepidation that I had. In one swift and graceful motion, he was out of the char and crossing the small distance between us, his phone call completely forgotten. He pulled me into his arms, his hands sliding up my hips and sides…and with an audible sigh his soft, wet lips covered mine.

He was gentle and probing at first. His tongue deliciously licking my bottom lip while he sucked on my top. His hand that had made its way to my neck, trailed up to my jaw and he gently coaxed my mouth to open for him. I did so without hesitation. I loved the way he tasted as our tongues slipped against and mingled together in a dance that was solely our own. As I ran my hands across his stomach and over his chest, I wondered why I'd even been nervous to begin with. After everything we'd been through, the events of today seemed so small and insignificant.

"You came," he murmured against my mouth, still continuing to lick and kiss.

"Not yet," I giggled in response. "But here's to hoping."

I felt the rumble in his chest as he chuckled and his hands slid down to my waist, pulling me against him and lifting me slightly off the floor.

"Did you just make a dirty joke, Ms. Swan?"

"Maybe," I replied coyly.

"I think I rather like this playful side of you."

"Oh, really?" I said, before laving his bottom lip with the tip of my tongue. "And here I thought that you liked _all_ of my sides, Mr. Cullen."

His eyes grew a dark and stormy jade at my words.

"That is where you're wrong, love," he said lowly. "I _love_ all of your sides."

"I love you," I told him genuinely, forgetting the light mood for a moment. "Sometimes I just need to say it."

"Baby," he whispered against my cheek. "Please, don't ever stop saying it. I love you, too."

He led me over to the couch and my face flushed with desire as I remembered the last time I was here and the way he took me against the edge. He sat down first and pulled me into his lap sideways so that I was facing him. He looked at me, smiling and I knew that he could tell what I was thinking of.

"It's okay," he said. "I find myself staring at it all the time."

"Really?"

"Mmm…yes," he said, his eyes glazing over momentarily. "Did you like that?"

"Was my response ambiguous that day?"

He laughed and kissed me softly once more.

I wanted to wrap myself in his arms and continue kissing him all day and night, but I knew that I could no longer avoid telling him about Michael. There would never be another secret between us…ever. I believed that more with each and every moment that passed.

"How was your lunch?" he asked, broaching the subject first.

"It was…interesting," I said, searching his eyes to see his response.

"Interesting," he repeated. Not really a question, rather just a reiterating of the word. "Care to elaborate?"

"Edward," I started nervously. "I need to tell you something."

I could feel the tension in his body, so I leaned forward and pressed a kiss against his lips. I wanted him to know that no matter what had happened and what my decision was, there would never be anything more important than him. He relaxed a bit at the gesture and I reached for his hands and pulled them into my lap…holding them and stroking them with my now trembling fingers.

"Bella, what's going on?"

I bit down on my bottom lip and he reached his hand up and pulled it from between my teeth, gently stroking it with his thumb.

"You have to promise me that you won't get upset."

"Please, Bella," he said. "Just tell me."

"Just remember that I love you and nothing that I am going to tell you will ever change that."

He looked so concerned and I could feel the quick and shallow breaths he was taking against my ear. I waited to see if he would say anything else and when he remained silent, I decided to just bite the bullet and spit the words out as quickly as possible.

"I don't ever want there to be secrets between us again, so I am telling you this."

I looked into his eyes and they were soft, but concerned and I felt his hands tighten around mine.

"First of all…when I went to lunch this afternoon, Michael told me that he was in love with me and that he had been for a long time."

I saw the muscle in his perfectly angled jaw twitch at my words, but I could tell that he was fighting to keep his expression the same. His soft jade eyes were now a piercing, hard emerald and I could feel the elevated rate of his now pounding heartbeat. He said nothing at first, but I watched as he opened his mouth and his words drifted across my face.

"You said first of all…was there something else?"

"Yes," I said. "Before I came into your office, I was on the phone with Aro Darman."

The room was completely silent with the exception of our breathing and when he spoke quietly, so hushed that it was almost a whisper…I heard it.

"Fuck."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

_**A/N (Long-ass – as usual.)**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**So, I know this was a shorter than usual chapter, but I needed to break it right there. (also because I'm slightly evil) As a bonus for all of your patience, I will be posting the next chapter on Sunday morning because I love my readers so fucking much!**_

_**Marvar, my love. You are the best beta (fic-wife, co-writer and friend) in the world and I cannot tell you just how much I adore you. Thank you for doing this with me. If I could give Jasper better hair in New Moon, I would. But then, what would we make fun of when we watched it together? Oh, that's right…Shirtless Laurent. You own my ass…and my rack. #SFC #FLS**_

_**A lot of you were surprised by Michael's admission last week. I encourage you to read the MPOV outtake in the Retail Therapy Outtakes located in my stories section on my Authors Page. It was written for the Haiti Compilation and it was very revealing. There is also an EPOV of the first chapter of Retail Therapy.**_

_**Marvar is the Team Darcyward captain for Retail Therapy by cosmogirl7481. Contact her on Twitter (marvar29) or email forthwithward (at) gmail (dot) com to support FGBEclipse. I will be writing a chapter of Retail Therapy from EPOV. The winner chooses the chapter, and I am guessing that since you are all pervs like me, I will be writing a chapter that is hot and lemontastic. **_

_**LiMB is on schedule to post in the morning.**_


	37. This Place

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a new pair of Michael Kors **__**Espadrilles.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 37

The uncomfortable sound of silence that surrounded us was contrasted by the loving way that Edward's hands were still tightly gripping mine. I could feel the soft and methodic circles that his thumb was tracing on my palm and that tender and affectionate action allowed me to relax as I sat in his lap. I looked into his eyes and even though there were too many emotions to acknowledge, I could see and understand them all. He let out the breath that he was holding and before I knew what was happening, he had released my hands and was wrapping his arms around me. I circled my arms around his neck and laid my head on his shoulder as he pressed his nose and mouth to my hair, breathing in deeply.

"You've decided then?" he asked quietly, though it sounded like more of a statement than a question.

"Yes," I told him. "I feel like it's the only way that I can move forward and still maintain my credibility."

"_Newton_," he said with obvious distaste. "I fucking knew, Bella. I've known all along. And I knew that you would never see it."

"No," I agreed. "I _never_ would have thought in a million years that he harbored those kinds of feelings for me. Honestly, and _please_ don't be upset by what I'm about to say, but _honestly_, I thought that it was a jealousy-driven insecurity that you had. It was just so..._so shocking_, for lack of a better word."

"I could have him fired for this," he said, obviously without any thought.

"_Really, Edward_?" I asked, shocked by his vindictive statement. "That's a little ridiculous, don't you think? Especially coming from you."

I didn't want to upset him, but I also didn't want to give up this new honesty between us that truly allowed for full disclosure. Not just some insecure version of an open and honest relationship where we only told each other the things that they thought they wanted to hear. His contrite expression told me that he at least had the decency to somewhat regret what he'd said, even if he didn't altogether mean it.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said and the sincerity in his voice warmed and covered me and made me realize just how far we'd come. "It's just that…I mean…can be honest?"

His voice was low and questioning and it blended with an insecurity that I hadn't heard since I'd forgiven him.

"You can always be honest with me, Edward."

I wrapped my arms around him tighter, pressing my fingers into his neck. I wanted him to know that there was nothing that he could say that would ever change the way I felt about him. I loved and trusted him so fucking much and there was nothing that mattered more than that. I knew that a deeper and more evolved security would come in time…for both of us. We just had to allow ourselves the time to develop and expand that trust through a love that was unyielding.

"I knew he would do this at some point and I'm man enough to admit that after everything we've been through – after everything I did – I just wasn't sure..."

His voice trailed off and though he didn't finish his thought, I knew what he was feeling.

And I wouldn't allow it.

Not with the realizations I'd had of my own today.

Edward loved me wholly and completely…all of me.

"You listen to me, Edward Cullen," I said, my voice soft, but certain. "Nothing…there is nothing or no one that can ever take me from you. Everything I said to you last night when we made love…in Forks, hell, before all of this happened – everything I've said to you was true."

"I know," he said. "I do know that. I didn't mean to make you think that I wasn't sure of you...of our love. I let go of all of that the moment that you told me to come to you last night. It's just him."

His words were perfect and exactly what I needed to hear, but I wanted him to know what I'd discovered for myself while I was at lunch with Michael. And I wanted us to move forward from this because he was my future.

"I sat across from him today and I listened to him tell me that he loved me and all I could think about was the fact that he didn't…not really."

"Oh, he is definitely in love with you," he said sarcastically.

"That's what I'm trying to tell you," I said. "He doesn't love me. Not really. It's all I could think about today. Don't you see?"

"What?" he asked.

"He was telling me that he loved me and he doesn't even really know me. Not the way...not..." I paused, trying not to trip over my words. My thoughts were getting jumbled and I wanted to express myself to him so that he could understand. "He only thinks he loves me, Edward...but he doesn't. He doesn't love me because he doesn't know me. Not the way that you know me."

His eyes softened at my words and I continued speaking.

"He tried to tell me that he knew me. He spoke about my drive to succeed and my loyalty. He told me that he knew that it takes me a long time to make a decision, but that when I do, the decision is final. And all of that was true."

Edward let out a deep breath and as I looked into his eyes I could tell that he was surprised, if not more than a little angry that Michael had been so on target.

"He said that?" he asked; his voice tight as the muscle in his jaw twitched again.

"Yes," I told him. "He did, but none of that matters. Of course he would know those things. We have worked closely together for over four years. But here's the thing, Edward. This is what I realized."

"Tell me," he said, his voice anxious and merely above a whisper.

"You know those things, too. You know all of that about me, but you also know the reasons that I'm like that," I said. I started speaking again and the words poured from my mouth as fast as they occurred to me. "You know that I am driven to be successful because I had a mother that could barely take care of me when I was a child. You understand the need that I have to be able to take care of myself even though _you_ want and need to take care of me, too. You understand that I take a long time to make decisions because the same mother made flighty and impetuous decisions that usually ended up hurting us in the long run. And you understand that I am _fiercely_ loyal because that is _exactly _what I need from the people in my life and because it is one of the things that Charlie holds most important. I _never_ shared those things with anyone except Alice…but I shared them with _you_ because you made me feel – _for the first time in my life_ – like it was alright to be those things. You told me that I was _wonderful_ and _special_ and _beautiful_. Not in spite of those things, but _because_ of them. And when you told me those things that night…the night after I met your family…you also told me that you loved me and that you had chosen me."

I stopped speaking, taking in a deep breath of air. I was staring at him and his eyes were so intense, but beyond all of that, they reflected the same love that I was talking about.

"Oh, Bella," he said, pulling me closer.

"That's what I realized today, Edward," I murmured against his neck. "You know me...the _real_ me and you love me..._you love all of me._"

We were staring into each other's eyes. The moment had suddenly gone from quiet and questioning to intense and longing. Without another word, I kissed him. It was the only thing I could do to show him how I felt because even though the words I'd said were true, they simply weren't enough. His lips were warm and soft against mine, though his kiss was firm and deliberate. I brought my hands around to cup his face as he wound his fingers through my hair. He tried to pull me closer, but because of the way that we were sitting, the angle didn't allow for it. Without breaking our kiss, I turned in his lap, placing one knee on the couch beside him until I was straddling him. His hands instinctively reached down and cupped my ass as he pulled me flush against him, groaning into my mouth.

"I love you," I murmured, as I pulled away, trying to take a breath.

"I love you, too, Bella, so fucking much," he rasped. "Thank you."

His lips were on mine again and though he hadn't told me why he was thankful, I knew. I knew with every kiss of his lips. I knew with every brush of his tongue against mine. And even more important than _my_ knowledge, was the knowledge that he now had. The truth that it had always been him..._would always be him_. There would never be anyone else for me. He was my choice.

His hands were on my hips and I could feel his fingers pressing into the waist of my pants and I was desperate for him to touch me. He couldn't slide them all the way in, so he pulled on my sweater, un-tucking it and sliding his warm hands along the bare skin of my back. I whimpered at the feeling of his hands on me because as familiar as he was and as much as body recognized his touch, every time he touched me, it felt new.

His lips trailed along my cheek, but because of the pashmina, he couldn't kiss my neck. With fumbling hands, he pulled at the fabric until I was free of it, only to find that I was wearing a turtleneck. He laughed softly through his frustration and I laughed with him before kissing his lips gently three succinct times.

"We are in your office, Edward," I said. "We can't do this here."

"You're right," he agreed. "I know you're right."

"Tonight," I told him. "I'm all yours tonight."

He smiled at me...and it was a smile that lit up his already sparkling green eyes.

"Well, you're wrong about that, Ms. Swan," he said, smoothing out my sweater with his hands. "There isn't a moment of the day that you're not mine."

I hugged him tightly, inhaling his scent and completely content in this new and wonderful intimacy between us.

"Mmm..." I hummed against his cheek. "Yeah, baby…I am."

We stayed there together, just holding each other, not wanting the moment to end, but we both knew that there was still something that we needed to discuss. His hands found mine again and he absentmindedly played with my fingers. I wondered if I should be the first to speak, especially given the fact that I had been the one to make the choice, but before I could say anything, he asked the question that we had both been avoiding.

"Can we talk about Darman?" he asked.

At first, I wasn't sure he knew who Aro Darman was. I should have known that Edward would be more informed than I expected. Hell, I hadn't even known who he was until Michael gave me his contact information.

Aro was the director of stores for Northman, Fineley's biggest competitor. They were a smaller company and slightly more specialized in the market, but they were consistently profitable. Their customer base, though smaller than Fineley's, was extremely brand-loyal and because of that fact, they had been able to thrive during the challenging economic environment of the last two years.

"I think we should talk about it," I told him honestly. "My decision affects you to some extent, too. And I want to know what you think."

"So you've decided, then?" he asked. "It's final?"

"Well nothing is final until I meet with him next week," I said, "but yes...I have to have a job, Edward and given the situation and the recent turn of events, I think it's best that I don't return to Fineley's."

I had told Michael at the end of our lunch today that I wouldn't be returning. He immediately thought that it was his fault, but I assured him that there were other personal factors influencing my decision. It was then that he told me that he knew that Northman had a position opening up and that he had a contact in their company. I'd questioned this, but he informed me that he and Aro worked together in the beginning of his career and had maintained contact throughout the years. He also told me that it was always good to keep contacts within the industry. I had never thought about that. Fineley's had been all I'd ever known. Even though I had been successful, I was still in the _very_ early stages of my career - a career that I thought would be spent with the same company.

"Why do you feel like this is the only option that you have?" he asked.

"Because it is," I said simply. "I need to work, Edward. And to be honest, I am damn good at what I do. Any company would be lucky to have me."

I wasn't trying to be arrogant; I was stating another truth that I had fully realized today. My accomplishments were mine alone. They had nothing to do with anyone else. And the truth of the matter was that I was fortunate to have found out about this opportunity.

"You're leaving your job because of me," he said; his voice low and filled with regret. "I fucking hate that I am the reason that you feel you have to do this."

"Stop," I said. "Just stop that right now. I am leaving because I feel like it's the right thing to do. And I would do it a million times because I want to be with you, Edward. I don't want there to be anything in my professional life that affects my personal life. This is the only option that allows me to keep them separate."

"I'll step down," he said. "I don't want the sacrifice to be yours. It should be mine. This is my fault."

"It's not just you, Edward. You could step down and I _still_ wouldn't feel right about it. It would still be your family and if we are going to _really_ do this and be together...I would still feel like it was a conflict of interest. I appreciate _so much_ you're offering to do that, but it still wouldn't solve the problem."

I was being as honest with him as possible...needing him to see that this was the only solution that would allow me to maintain not just my integrity, but also my sense of self. This was who I was...and I had to have a career.

"You'll be working for the competition," he said.

"Well, yes," I said, "but only if I get the job."

"Oh, you'll get the job," he said. "Darman is a sharp and cunning business man from what I've read about him. He will hire you, Bella. He will hire you if for nothing more than the fact that he would be gaining an accomplished Fineley's executive."

"Can't you see that this is the only way?" I asked, pleading with him with my eyes.

"I told you that I would support you this morning...whatever you decided," he said. "I also told you that I would never lie to you again...and I meant that, Bella. If this is your decision, than I will support it."

"Thank you," I said, kissing him one more time. "Thank you, Edward."

"Just because I'm supporting it," he started. "Just because I'm supporting it, doesn't mean that I have to like it."  
"Fair enough, Mr. Cullen," I said. "I can live with that."

He pulled me close again and held me tightly, whispering words of apology and telling me that he loved me. I let him hold me for a while, but I eventually pulled back.

"Did you have something specific in mind for tonight?" I asked him, remembering the Christmas trees from earlier.

"No, why?" he asked. "I just want to be with you, Bella. Did _you_ have something in mind?"

"Yeah," I told him. "I have something very specific in mind that will require us being in all night."

His eyes flashed with desire and passion and caused my whole body to tingle and ache.

"Well," he said. "Who am I to stand in the way of what you want?"

"Can you be at my place at seven?" I asked already formulating a plan in my mind.

Unexpectedly, he kissed me...deeply and wetly.

"I'll be there at six."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

It was five-thirty by the time the Christmas tree I'd purchased had been delivered and set up in the living room of my apartment. I had gone shopping after I left Edward to finish his day at work. I spent two hours picking out twinkle lights and ornaments. I had even found the perfect red velvet bows and matching tree skirt. Edward and I were going to decorate a Christmas tree together..._our first Christmas tree_. In many ways, it felt like my first Christmas tree and I was more excited about it than I could ever remember being about anything.

I stood in the middle of the room, looking at it. It was much bigger than it looked when I bought it, but because of the vaulted ceilings in my apartment, it wasn't too big. I could smell the fragrant spices of the mulled wine that was warming in the kitchen as the aroma filled my home...and in that moment, everything was perfect.

I wanted it to be perfect because even after everything we'd been through...Edward was _still_ perfect for me.

I docked my iPod and set it to a Christmas playlist I had downloaded while I was waiting for the tree to be delivered. I was pleased with myself at the way everything had turned out. Who knew that I could be so domestic? The only thing missing was a fire in a fireplace, but I didn't have one of those, so we would have to make due with the soft, flickering glow of the cinnamon candles I had burning.

I had just finished changing into a pair of jeans and a fitted burgundy knit top with a deep v-neckline when the front desk called to let me know that Edward was there. I unlocked my front door and headed to the kitchen to check on the wine. I was stirring the steeping, hot liquid when I felt him press up behind me. Not just me, but my entire body smiled and warmed at his presence. He moved my long and tousled hair to the side and he placed an open, wet kiss on the curve of my neck and shoulder. I shivered in response and I could feel my nipples grow tight and harden at the sensation of his mouth, hot and moist and sucking my sensitive skin. His arms circled around my waist and I moaned as I laced my fingers with his.

As he continued kissing me, I brought our connected hands up until his palms were cupping my breasts. I knew that he would be able to feel what he did to me, even through the thin fabric of my top and the sheer layer of my bra. He moaned, his open mouth against my neck, the vibration of his voice causing my nipples to harden even more. I whimpered as he took the tip of his index finger and swirled circles around my puckered and textured areola... and I gasped as he pinched my nipple through the fabric.

I wanted to press back against him to see if he was as affected as me, but I didn't need to. I knew he was and I also knew that if I felt him like that we would never do any of the things that I had planned. We would have all night to make love, but if we went to bed now, we would never make it back to the tree.

"Welcome home, baby," I said, my voice breathy and deep.

"Mmm..." he hummed against my neck before bringing his mouth to my ear. "Feel free to welcome me home like this anytime. And Bella…what you're wearing is so much better than a turtleneck."

I turned in his arms to face him, my nipple slipping from his fingers and the almost painful feeling was deliciously erotic. I wrapped my arms around his waist as he pulled me into his warm embrace. When I looked up at him, the look in his eyes nearly knocked me over. It was passion and desire, but mostly it was filled with love. I would never tire of that look. _Not ever_.

"Let me kiss you properly," he said; his voice thick with all of the emotion I saw in his eyes.

"Yes, please," I told him. "Because the way you were just kissing me was definitely improper, Mr. Cullen."

"Well, we can't have that now, can we?" he said before pressing his lips to mine in a searing kiss.

Two hours later, as the sounds of Ella Fitzgerald singing _Baby it's Cold Outside_ filled the room, Edward and I sat down together on the couch and looked at the Christmas tree we had decorated. The lights were off and the space was illuminated by only the lights on the tree and the few candles that were still burning. He took my empty cup from my hand and placed it on the table in front of us, before settling back into the couch and pulling me against him with his arms wrapped around my waist.

"I can't believe that you wanted to do this with me tonight," he murmured in my ear.

"I just kept thinking about Thanksgiving with your family and how important tradition is to you…and I've never had that," I told him honestly. I was surprised that my voice wasn't small because talking about these things had always made me uncomfortable. "But I want that with you. I want all of it with you."

"When you say all of it, Bella…what do you imagine?"

His question seemed so genuine and I really took the time to think about my answer.

"I want the traditions, too, Edward…but I want to make traditions of our own. I want the tree and the presents…and I want hot cocoa with marshmallows. I want to snuggle with you on the couch while we watch old Christmas movies…but mostly, I just want _you_ and whatever that will mean to _us_."

"Do you have any idea of how deeply I am in love with you, Bella?" he asked; his voice suddenly deep and throatier than before.

"I know how much I love you…and yes, I think I know how much you love me."

I wanted to look at him…to see his face as I told him how much the night had meant to me. I wanted to be able to look in his eyes and allow him to see that I was ready to move on with him. I was ready to begin our life together as a couple that had nothing else to hide from each other…so I did. I twisted on the couch and turned to face him, pulling my knees underneath me and resting on my heels as I looked at him. He took my hands in his and he leaned forward to kiss me softly…so, so softly.

"I want all of that with you, too," he told me, in between kisses to the corners of my mouth. "You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that you want to make our own traditions, Bella. Because I want that so much."

There was a new level of intimacy between us that was changing and growing deeper with every moment that had passed between us. It began the moment that we sat together on my father's front porch that night in Forks. We had been laid bare in front of each other then with nothing else to hide…raw and completely exposed. In the beginning of our relationship, there had always been an underlying tension between us that I had continuously chalked up to intense sexual attraction. I knew better now. I knew it was the fear that existed because Edward thought that I was going to leave him when I learned the truth and I had never felt like I was good enough for him. That tension was gone now…but the intense sexual attraction was still there. And now it was accompanied by this overwhelming love and acceptance of each other.

"I hate that I ever hurt you," he whispered. "I should never be the one that hurts you. I should always be the one that protects and loves you more than anything."

"I would take the hurt again, Edward," I told him. "I would take it again because I _know_…I _know_ that it brought us here to _this place_..."

"_This place_…" he said, taking my hand and placing it on his chest.

"I can feel your heart beating," I whispered.

"For you," he said and he pulled me to him once again, kissing me like he would never have another opportunity.

There wasn't another word spoken between us as Edward took me in his arms and carried me to our bed. Not a single word was spoken as he slowly removed every piece of my clothing. The way he touched and kissed every inch of me was nothing short of worship. Every caress of his hand was a prayer. Every stroke of his tongue was a song. And when he knelt above me, my entire body and soul praying to connect with him…he reverently told me that he loved me as he finally pushed inside.

Uniting us and joining us.

And I knew it was and would be forever.

_**A/N**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**Thanks and love to my beta and soulmate, Marvar. You totally worked your magic on this chapter even though you were on vacation and I really have no words to thank you for that. You are beautiful and lovely and intelligent and your ass is divine. You continue to be the best part of this fanfic addiction and I definitely love you more than LeBron. #noquestion #FLS**_

_**Thank you to my readers for loving this story so much and continuing to support it. **_

_**Marvar is the Team Darcyward captain for Retail Therapy by cosmogirl7481. Contact her on Twitter (marvar29) or email forthwithward (at) gmail (dot) com to support FGBEclipse. I will be writing a chapter of Retail Therapy from EPOV. The winner chooses the chapter, and I am guessing that since you are all pervs like me, I will be writing a chapter that is hot and lemontastic. **_

_**What owns me this week:**_

_**I recc'd this a little over a month ago, but it is 5 Chapters in now and is continuing to own my ass:**_

_**A Matter of Trust by quietruby**_

_**If you aren't reading this, you should be.**_

_**Please read and (when you review) tell her cosmo sent you!**_


	38. Intimacy

_**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**_

_**I own a picnic basket that I have never used…ever.**_

_**No copyright infringement is intended.**_

Chapter 38

At some point in the night, I awoke to the feeling of warm hands on my body…touching, caressing, gentle and tender. My sleep had been deep and dreamless and through the haze of my slumber, it took me a moment to fully understand what was going on. I opened my eyes and through the moonlit blanket of darkness that covered me, I could see Edward kneeling above me. Perfect and hard and beautiful in the moonlight. His hands were on my breasts and my stomach and I could feel the way that my body had been reacting to his touch, even in my sleep.

His hands moved down as he stroked my thighs and the swell of my hips and I couldn't tell if he knew that I was awake. I was enraptured by the way that he was looking at me…the way that he was purposefully and lovingly adoring me with his hands. I was caught up in the way they he felt and simply, just the vision of him above me.

_Edward._

_My love._

_Mine._

Without even thinking, I slipped my hand up my belly and touched the peak of my breast…my nipple hardened as I rolled it between my thumb and finger. His eyes shot up to mine at the movement and even in the darkness, they locked and connected. I gasped from the intensity of the moment that felt so personal. He didn't speak, but instead lowered his head and kissed me on my belly…right on my navel. His mouth was hot and wet against my skin and though I wanted to remain quiet, I moaned the moment that I felt his tongue push into the small crevice of my skin. He continued to kiss me, circling his tongue around my navel while his hands stroked my thighs.

He lifted his head and looked down at me again.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," he told me, his voice husky and low in the quiet of the room. "So fucking beautiful."

His hands that were still stroking me, moved in between my thighs and slowly, he parted them. In one fluid and graceful movement, he was kneeling between my now opened legs. I started to bring my hands up to him, but he stopped me with his voice.

"Don't stop touching yourself, Bella," he said. "Please, just let me look at you."

With my eyes never leaving his, I brought my hands back to my breasts, cupping them and rubbing my thumbs across my nipples. He sucked in a deep breath as he watched me and though I had never felt this exposed to him, there was something about the way that he was looking at me that filled me with the desire to give him this. I pinched my nipple, completely caught up in what was happening and I hissed at the sensation. My mind was clouded with arousal and desire as I looked at Edward above me watching my every move.

"Does that feel good, baby?" he whispered roughly. "Do your hands feel good against your soft skin?"

His hands were gliding along the outside of my thighs as he spoke. His touch was methodic and deliberate and the sensation of everything that was happening made me whimper with a need for…_something_. Only, I didn't know what that something was.

"Tell me," he whispered again.

His voice was low and rough, but there was an undertone of passion and love.

"Yes," I said softly. "Yes, it feels good."

He moaned as his hands moved to the inside of my thighs…his fingers stroking me almost all the way up to my now aching sex, before dragging them back down. I could feel the tension in his body…could taste his desire in the air with my own.

"Do you…" he murmured. "Will you…will you show me? Show me how you touch yourself. How do you make yourself feel good?"

I felt a rush of heated moisture between my parted legs and I wanted nothing more in that moment than to do what he was asking. I wanted to show him. All of me…even the secret parts that no one had ever seen because there was nothing hidden between us anymore. It was _just me_…_just him_…and _just us_ together in our bed. So, without a single question, I began to slide my hand down my stomach.

I heard another sharp intake of breath and I lifted my eyes to his, only to find them trained on my hand. His hands were still rubbing my thighs and suddenly, what I was about to do…what I wanted to do for him…wasn't enough.

"Edward," I whispered. His eyes looked up and immediately found mine and even in the night, I could tell that they were darkened with his desire.

My entire body was buzzing from the intimacy of the moment.

My sex was weeping from the way that I wanted this with him.

"Edward, I…" I whispered. "I want you to show me, too."

At my words, I felt his fingers dig into the flesh of my hips.

"Bella," he whispered. "Oh, God...Bella, you want me to..."

"Yes," I told him, the truth of what I was asking...what he was asking, giving me confidence. "_Please_."

"I told you I would give you anything," he murmured, bending down to kiss me. "_And I would_. I would give you anything..._do anything_."

I could feel the way his lips trembled against mine as he kissed me one more time and then he was above me on his knees. I took in his body, his strong broad shoulders, and his muscular arms. My eyes travelled down his smooth chest and across his chiseled abdomen. I was overcome with the beauty of who he was, not just physically, but the beauty of what he was willing to give me...give us. _And I wanted this_, wanted him so much more that I could even comprehend. The movement of his arm caused my eyes to drop lower as he took himself in his hand.

And I gasped.

His long fingers – the same fingers that had given me so much pleasure – wrapped around the base of his cock and I was filled with desire by the sight before me.

"Please, baby," he rasped. "Oh, please..."

His voice was thick and rough and tight. And I didn't need him to tell me what he was asking for. Without taking my eyes from the erotic sight before me, my hand slipped further down and my fingers slipped into the slick skin that was open before him. His thumb swirled around the tip of his cock as he watched me...and as I watched his hand begin to take long, slow strokes, I began to rub myself with two fingers.

"_Fuck_," he whispered. "Tell me...tell me what you think about, baby. Tell me what you're thinking about with your fingers in your pussy."

His words were too much...they were too much and not enough all at the same time. His voice was gravelly and broken and so, so commanding. And just like him, I would have given him anything.

"It's you, Edward," I told him as I slid my fingers along my parted lips, spreading my arousal around my sensitive skin. It felt like warm honey and milk as it flowed from me, covering my fingers and seeping onto the bed beneath me. "It's always you. I'm thinking about the way it feels when you're inside me."

"I'm not inside you, baby," he panted, as he continued to stroke himself roughly. "Show me what it's like when I'm inside you. Show me how I fill you...how I fill your sweet pussy...my sweet pussy."

Another wave of warmth and arousal poured from me at his intensely erotic words. And as if he could see it, he released his cock and brought his hand between my legs, gathering the warm wet he found there with his fingers. I cried out from his touch and I whimpered hopelessly as he spread my juices on his hard and throbbing sex.

"Oh, Edward," I cried.

"_Show me_," he maintained quietly, forcefully. "Show me how I would fill you, Bella."

His eyes were trained on my hand as he continued to stroke his now hard, wet cock. I bent my legs at the knees, spreading them further apart and I slipped one, then two fingers inside me. I heard him grunt above me as I watched his cock twitch in his hand. I felt hot around my fingers as I pushed and pulled them in and out of me. I was so aroused and my fingers felt so good with the sight of Edward pleasuring himself before me...pleasuring himself _for_ me. I brought my other hand down and my middle finger found the swollen and pulsing flesh of my clit. Slowly, I began to rub circles around it and I whimpered and moaned at the consuming feeling of what I was doing while he watched me.

"Yes, baby," he panted. Does that feel good? Do you know how beautiful you look right now? Touching yourself for me?"

"Please, Edward," I cried, not even knowing what I was begging for. "Oh...oh...oh, God."

His strokes were becoming rougher. I could hear the sound of his hand against his skin...could hear the way my fingers slipped sloppily in and out of me. I could smell our sex in the air around us. The entire experience was swirling around me. The feeling...the visual...the sounds...all were combining to make one of the most intensely erotic and needy moments of my life. And as if it all weren't enough, Edward continued speaking to me in his husky, sex-filled voice.

"Do you know how long I've wanted to see this, baby?" he said. "How long I've wanted to see you spread open before me...showing me how good you can feel? Does it feel good, Bella?"

I could only cry out as my entire body tensed and I felt the beginning of the orgasm that I knew would consume me.

"_Does it_?" he commanded again. "_Tell me, Bella_."

"_Yes, it feels so fucking good_!" I cried out, not caring what I said as white light flashed behind my eyes and I came clamping down around my own hand.

"Yes, Bella," he hissed. "Come for me, baby. I want you to feel so good, Bella...so good."

My back arched off the bed, every muscle taut and tensed and then suddenly, _mercifully_, they all relaxed as I fell back down in the euphoria of my release.

It took me a moment to realize, through the haze of my own bliss that Edward was covering me completely. His body was over mine and his hands cupping my face as he kissed me.

"Bella...my, Bella," he whispered. "You...oh, god...you are so beautiful. I love you so much, baby. I love you more than anything."

"I love you, too," I whimpered. "Always, Edward...forever."

His hand reached between us and he guided his cock into my swollen and still-sensitive sex. He began to thrust inside me, calling my name and telling me he loved me with each and every push. My hands were gripping his hair, my legs wrapped around his waist as he filled me so much more than my fingers. I could feel myself stretching around him as he sheathed himself inside me again and again. I could feel the slick sweat on our skin as his body pushed against mine. Everything was so hard...so deep...so much. And I was lost in him.

I felt his entire body begin to tremble and shake above me as his arms slipped underneath me and he held me so close against him. My hands moved from his hair to his shoulders and I clung to him, afraid to let go of him...afraid to let go of what we had created together in the most intimate and private way. As we came together and I heard him call my name and felt him pulse and spill inside me, I told him that I loved him. And I loved him more than anything...more than my words could ever say.

Moments passed. Minutes, hours…but time seemed to stand still for us in the quiet space of the bedroom. Edward held me and touched me and loved me with gentle kisses, tender caresses and sweet words. Sometime in the night, he turned on his side so that he was facing me, bringing our hands between our chests and he looked into my eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked. "I mean…with what we did tonight?"

He looked so concerned and I wondered if he was afraid that I was somehow upset or embarrassed by what had taken place between us. That couldn't have been further from the truth.

"Edward," I said his name and it was nothing more than a sigh, a wisp of air across his face. "Do you not think that I'm okay? Are _you _okay?"

He moved his leg between mine and pulled me closer to him. He breathed in deeply, nuzzling his face in my hair that was spayed out across the pillow. I felt secure in his embrace and his hands were warm and soft as they caressed me.

"We've just never done anything like that before," he said softly, pulling back to look in my eyes. "How do you feel about it?"

I kissed him, allowing my lips to linger just a little longer than I'd originally intended. When I pulled back, I brought a hand up and touched his face, gently stroking his cheekbone with my thumb.

"I feel so, so good about what just happened between us, Edward," I said. "There isn't anything that I want to feel is off limits with you. I want to explore everything with you. I want to know that if I need or want something with you, that what we share together is strong and open enough that I can ask for it. And I want the same thing for you."

His hand came down and cupped my breast as he softly kissed my neck.

"You looked so beautiful before me," he murmured against my skin. "The way you looked…your sounds…they way you were touching yourself."

I blushed at his words. I could feel the rush of blood and heat as it covered my face and neck and chest. I didn't feel embarrassed. Edward had never made me feel anything short of beautiful, but the moment was so intimate…so tender. It overwhelmed me.

"Have you ever…" he started.

He took pause and I wondered if he was trying to find the right words, but as I looked at him, I could tell that he was holding back.

"Have I ever?" I asked…encouraging him. "There's nothing you can't ask me."

"Have you ever done…that?" he asked. "You know…before…since we met?"

I smiled, biting down on my bottom lip and I could feel the blush deepen.

"Your blush is more telling than you are, Ms. Swan."

"Well, to be honest…I haven't had a lot of time away from you since we met."

He chuckled and I laughed along with him.

"Then why are you blushing?" he persisted. "You can tell me anything."

"Only twice," I told him the truth. "And once was kind of with you since we were on the phone together."

I could tell the moment that he remembered.

"Ah…yes," he said. "I definitely remember that. I had to stop myself from getting in the car and coming to you."

"I remember regretting having ever left you that night."

"Mmm…" he hummed as he held me. "I was already in love with you, Bella. I wanted to tell you when we sat at the piano."

"It was still so new…_we were still so new_," I said as I thought back to that day. "I was so scared of the way that I felt. I was concerned by how fast everything was happening and I just wasn't sure…about you…about me."

"I know," he whispered. "It's why I knew I had to wait to tell you."

We lay there quietly for a little while longer. My head was settled against his chest and I could hear the steady beat of his heart. I could feel the difference in where we were as a couple. How we were able to come together and just be us…together. I had never felt that kind of intimacy. Even with him. I was wondering if he had fallen asleep when I heard his voice.

"What about the other time?" he asked, his voice husky and low.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You said twice," he told me. "You said that you had done that twice since we met."

I could feel my skin warm again and I wondered if I really could tell him about the other time. What would he think?

"Really?" I asked. "You really want to know?"

"I want to know everything..." he whispered. "And I would _especially_ love to know about that."

I thought back to that first night and how I didn't even know him and how he had affected me so profusely.

"Well," I started, my voice shaking somewhat.

"Hey," he whispered, kissing me on my cheek. "It's just me. You can tell me anything."

"I know," I told him. "It's just that…well, it's just that this is a little embarrassing."

"Please," he urged me. "Please…just tell me."

"Well, it was after the first night that I met you," I told him quickly. "I was in the shower after I'd come home and I couldn't stop thinking about you. And I let my mind wonder to…you…and the way you made me feel."

"You were in the shower?" he asked, his voice was thick and gruff and lower than before. "On the first night?"

"Yes," I told him with a groan. "I told you this was embarrassing."

"Bella," he said, pulling me closer. "Please."

He really wanted this and I thought about how much I loved what had happened between us earlier and I thought about how much I loved watching him…and it was with that thought that I just decided to let go and tell him…show him what he had done to me…even in the very beginning. There was no shame in that.

"I couldn't stop. I would close my eyes and you were behind them. I was thinking about the way your voice sounded to me. It was like…velvet. I stood in the shower and as my mind wondered, so did…so did my hands."

"Fuck," he whispered. "How?"

At his words, I could not only hear in his voice how much he wanted this, but I could feel the evidence of it as he grew hard against my leg.

"I was washing myself, so when my hand touched breast, well…it felt good. So I didn't stop. I didn't know anything about you…only your name. So it was just with that…me saying you name and picturing you as I closed my eyes."

I looked at him, hoping he could see the truth in my words. That even though I had been the one that was unsure in the beginning…he had affected just as much as I had affected him.

"You said my name?" he asked.

"It was all I knew."

"I love you so much, Bella," he rasped as he kissed me again. This time with much more force than before.

"I love you, too, Edward."

Edward pulled me on top of him, running his hands along my back. The trail he drew with his hands ignited the fire that always burned for him…and I knew would always burn for only him. We came together and it was with a sigh. Our eyes were connected and as he pushed into me over and over again, I wondered how it could always feel this way…be this good. The rest of the world fell around us and there was nothing...nothing, but the two of us. The two of us and the promise of the forever that we would share together.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The next few days flew by in a blur of random activity. Edward was working and I was preparing for my interview with Aro Darman at Northman. I spent a lot of time researching the company and delving into their history, their brand and what it was they stood for as a company. I was really impressed with their corporate structure and if I was hired into this position, I would be a lot more involved on the corporate side. A part of me was really nervous about potentially being in a position that wasn't completely store-centric. I had been in stores for my entire career. I knew how to be successful in a store…I wasn't sure what I would bring to the table in this new position. But I was more than willing to try.

Edward spent every night with me. In fact, there hadn't been a night that we were separated since I'd retuned from Forks. There was a feeling of permanence between the two of us. We had never spoken about it other than in general terms like forever and always. And to be honest, I was completely happy with the promises and declarations that we'd made. I wondered if we would talk about moving in together at some point, though. It only seemed to be the next logical step. I considered bringing it up to him at dinner one night, but there was still a part of me that wanted him to be the one to make that gesture. And I was willing to wait until he was ready…because I knew that I was.

Esme called on Wednesday night to make sure that we would be joining the family for Christmas. We, of course, told her that we would be there with the family. I knew that was what Edward wanted…and I wanted that, too. She told me that she was happy I was home and without actually bringing up what had happened between me and Edward, she told me she was sorry about my leaving Fineley's. I told her that everything was fine and that I felt like I had made the right choice. She surprised me at the end of the conversation by telling me that she loved me and that she was so happy to have me as a part of her family.

I couldn't tell if Edward knew what his mother had said, but when he made love to me that night, he did it on the floor next to Christmas tree with the gentle glow of the lights reflecting on our naked skin. He was so gentle and tender and he whispered how much he loved me. And he promised me forever as he claimed and made my body his again and again.

By the time Friday morning came, I was a ball of nerves about my interview. I slipped out of Edward's arms and left him sleeping while I took a shower. When I came back into the bedroom, Edward wasn't in the bed. Sliding on my robe, I padded out into the apartment, only to find that Edward had made coffee and was in the process of making breakfast.

"Good morning, baby," he said as he leaned down to kiss me.

He meant to kiss my cheek, but I was so overwhelmed by the gesture that I tuned my face and met his lips with mine. I kissed him deeply, wanting him to know how very much I appreciated what he was doing for me…how much I loved that he was supporting me.

"Good morning," I murmured against his lips. "Thank you for this."

"You're welcome," he said as he pulled back and reached me a cup of coffee. "Are you ready?"

"I think so," I told him, walking over to the table. "I'm prepared for anything he could ask me about the company and I'm fairly certain that he'll be impressed with my knowledge of the industry…even if Northman is slightly different from Fineley's."

"Will you call me when you're done?" he asked, sitting down next to me at the table and taking my hand. "We can celebrate over lunch if you want."

"Really?" I asked, surprised that he would want to commemorate this with me.

"I told you, Bella," he said. "I might not love the fact that you could be going to work for Northman, but I understand why you're doing it. And I'm not going to let it interfere with us. I lost you once…I will _never_ lose you again."

"You're never going to lose me, Edward," I told him. "_Ever_. That will never happen."

Edward walked me to my car since we were both leaving at the same time. He placed my briefcase and handbag on the passenger's seat before walking back around to me.

"How do I look?" I asked him.

I was wearing a solid black Armani suit and it felt so good to be dressed for work again. Even though I wasn't actually going to work, I was taking a step to ensure that I returned to work at the beginning of the year. It was a part of who I was and even though I had come to realize that there was so much more to me than what I did…it was still an important part.

"You are always beautiful, Bella," he said as he pulled me into his arms.

"Thank you," I told him as I kissed his cheek. "I'll call you when I'm done."

"I'll be waiting," he said. "I love you."

"I love you, Edward."

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

My hands were trembling as I got into my car. The interview with Aro had been interesting and unexpected. I didn't anticipate him to say the things he said or do what he did…but he had. I picked up the phone and scrolled down to Edward's name and hit the call button. He answered on the third ring.

"Bella," he said my name and I immediately warmed and calmed. "How are you?"

My mind was still spinning from the interview.

"I'm good…I think."

"You think? What does that mean?"

"I can explain when we meet for lunch," I told him. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, I'm ready," he said. "Why don't you pick me up?"

"Alright…I'll be there in just a little while."

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you get the job?"

"I did."

_**A/N**_

_**Please leave me some love and review.**_

_**Thanks and love to my beta and soulmate, Marvar. Thank you for always giving me you honest feedback and for basically beta-ing this story whenever I need you to. You are wonderful and I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you are my beta, my co-writer…but most importantly my friend. Also, thanks for reading Darcyward porn while you are at work. Teaching children! LOL #SFC #FLS**_

_**Thank you to my readers for loving this story so much and continuing to support it. **_

_**Marvar is the Team Darcyward captain for Retail Therapy by cosmogirl7481. Contact her on Twitter (marvar29) or email forthwithward (at) gmail (dot) com to support FGBEclipse. I will be writing a chapter of Retail Therapy from EPOV. The winner chooses the chapter, and I am guessing that since you are all pervs like me, I will be writing a chapter that is hot and lemontastic. **_


	39. The Happily Ever After

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**I own a shiny new copy of Remember Me.**

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter 39

When I arrived at The Carlisle Foundation, I texted Edward to let him know that I was there. He texted me back and said that he was in a brief meeting that would take about fifteen minutes. I told him that I would wait for him in the lobby. While I waited I called Alice to schedule lunch with her for the next day. I had been so consumed with Edward that I hadn't had nearly enough time with her since I'd returned and I felt bad. Aside from that, I missed her.

As I stood in the lobby waiting for Edward to come down, I noticed a painting on the wall. It was the focal point of the south wall and the light from the atrium was shining on it almost as if it were a spotlight. It was an abstract piece done in vivid colors and I walked over to the wall so that I could admire it up close.

I was completely caught up in the beauty of the piece when I felt Edward's arms circle around my waist. My body involuntarily shivered from the warmth of his touch.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I said softly.

"I don't know," he whispered in my ear. "How could it possibly capture my attention, when the most beautiful thing in the world is standing in front of it?"

"Wow, Edward," I giggled. "I love you, but that might be a little much…_even for you_."

He chuckled behind me and pulled me closer, my back flush against his chest.

"Fine," he said. "The painting is beautiful, but you are _more_ beautiful."

And I knew that he thought that I was.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Once we were seated at the restaurant, Edward reached across the small bistro table and took my hand. His green eyes were soft and sparkling and I couldn't help but notice the way they contrasted against his cheeks that were flushed from the cold outside. If I was beautiful, then Edward was more beautiful. He was beautiful and he was in love with me…and I wanted nothing more in that moment than to just spend the rest of my life loving the man before me.

"Tell me," he said. "Tell me how it went with Darman. Something you said or actually, maybe it was the way you said it…but something seemed off."

"I think I was just still reeling from the interview," I told him honestly. "As much as I went in expecting to get the job, I suppose that I just wasn't prepared for how I would feel once I _actually_ had it. And he…I mean Aro…well, he was very interesting."

Edward sighed and a look of contemplation crossed his beautiful face and I could tell that he was thinking about what he should say. It made me a little nervous because since I had returned, he had been nothing short of completely supportive of me and my decisions. I wanted to know what he was thinking.

"Hey," I said softly. "What are you thinking about?"

He looked at me and smiled, his entire demeanor changing almost instantly.

"Nothing, baby," he said, squeezing my hand gently. "Please, tell me about the interview…about the offer."

I looked at him and even though I knew he was keeping something to himself, I decided to let it go for the moment and tell him.

"Well, he was very short with me in the beginning," I started. "He told me that he was certain that I was utilizing the interview as leverage with Fineley's."

"Leverage?" he asked.

"Yeah…he said that he thought that I really didn't want to work for Northman and that he thought that I was going to leverage a job offer from them as a means to gain more money or a promotion from Fineley's."

"And what did you say to that?"

"I was caught off guard by his statement," I said. "So, I decided to be honest with him."

Edward seemed surprised by my words.

"Honest how?"

"Well, I didn't tell him the whole sordid story," I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Edward almost laughed, but I could tell that he wasn't really ready to joke about the situation. It hurt me to know that he still shouldered the brunt of what happened. I knew he still felt guilty, but I had told him time and time again that leaving my job had been my choice. Yes, he had made a decision to keep the truth from me and he shouldn't have done that, but he didn't force me to make the choices I made. And he certainly wasn't responsible for them. I was a grown woman and I could own my choices.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that I had made a decision to no longer pursue a career with Fineley's. He pushed for more information, but maintained that my decision had been a personal one. I also told him that as far as a promotion was concerned, I had been offered a promotion at Fineley's. So, my motivation for seeking Northman out was completely out of my desire and need to work."

"So, what happened then?"

"Well, he seems like a very shrewd business man and he was nothing if not blunt, but after a long conversation of what I had to offer and what he would expect, he offered me the job."

"And you accepted?" he asked, but it came out as more of a statement.

"Well, not officially," I told him. "He gave me a week to consider the offer, but the offer was more than…_generous_."

Once again, Edward looked like he wanted to say something, but instead he asked me to continue. I tried to read his mind by looking at his face, but when he saw me looking at him…into his eyes, he just smiled at me. I wanted him to be able to say anything to me and I knew that he would never lie to me again – not after everything that had happened. And especially not after the promises he made that another lie would never exist between us. So, I decided to ask.

"What's going on, Edward?" I asked. "Please tell me what you're feeling…what are you thinking?"

"This isn't about me, Bella," he said softly. "This is about you and I told you that I would support whatever you decided to do…and I meant that."

"I know you did, but that doesn't mean that you can't talk to me about how you're feeling. We have to be able to communicate, Edward. Otherwise, _this_…" I said, motioning to the space between us. "_This will never work_."

His face looked pained at my words and I never wanted to hurt him, but I wasn't going to allow us to fall into the same trap of not being completely honest with one another. I reached back down and took his hand and had we not been in a restaurant, I would have closed the space between us and pulled him into my arms and kissed him.

"I love you, Bella," he said.

"I love you, too, Edward. Please…please talk to me."

He looked at me for a long moment before he finally started to talk.

"It just feels…_strange_," he said, his voice sounding vulnerable.

"Strange, how?" I asked, not completely understanding.

"Just that you will be working for another company," he said. "That you…that you feel like you have to when you don't."

"Edward, what do you mean I don't?" I asked. "I have to work. You know I have to work."

And I did. It wasn't even about my need to assert my independence or to separate myself from him and his family in my professional life. I had to work because I couldn't afford not to. I needed to be able to take care of myself. I had a mortgage payment.

"That's not what I'm saying," he said, frustration filling his otherwise perfect and velvet voice.

"Then tell me…what _are_ you saying?"

I looked at him, trying to maintain an understanding expression on my face. As happy as I'd been that he was being so supportive, somewhere in the back and purposely neglected corners of my mind, I was afraid that he wasn't really as supportive as he'd claimed to be.

"I'm not _saying_ anything, Bella," he said, much softer this time. "At least, I'm not trying to. It is just…_difficult_ for me to think of you having to go through all of this because of me."

He was looking down at his water glass and didn't look up to meet my eyes. I took my fingers and dragged them along the length of his palm, up and down until he looked at me. And when he did, I joined our fingers together and squeezed his hand tightly.

"Edward, I'm not doing anything I don't want to do. And we have been through this, baby," I said, his eyes softening at the term of endearment. "When I made my decision to be with you, I made it with full understanding of everything that has happened between us. I love you. I will always love you. Everything else is in the past…and it only served to bring us _here_."

I was leaning in closer to him and his eyes were staring into mine. They were filled with love and passion and anxiety that I couldn't understand, so I chose to focus on the love.

"_Here_," he whispered.

"Just you and me."

"It's only that I love you so much, Bella," he said lowly. "I want you to be _so happy_ and to have _everything_ you want…and I want to be the one that gives it to you."

"Everything that I want is right here, Edward."

The moment I said the words, their truth seemed to envelop us. He leaned in further, seeming to forget our surroundings, but so did I. It didn't matter that we were in a quiet, little corner of a small restaurant. What mattered was the way it felt when our lips came together. Edward kissed me as his hand that wasn't holding mine, cupped my cheek. We whispered words of love that were nothing more than breaths of air across our skin and we got lost in each other…the way we always did.

Edward's arm was wrapped around me as we made our way back to the car. My arm circled around his waist and my hand kept warm on the inside of his coat. After he unlocked and opened the door, he leaned down to kiss me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and threaded my fingers in his hair at the nape of his neck. His lips were cold and his breath was hot and sweet as he trailed from my mouth to my ear.

"I love you so much," he said into my ear, the vibration of his voice causing me to shiver.

He pulled me flush against him and I gently kissed his neck, telling him that it was the same for me…that I loved him more than I would ever be able to say.

"I'm going to be late tonight," he said as he finally pulled back. "I have some business to attend to with Carlisle."

My heart sank at his words, but I shook it off quickly. I couldn't expect him to be accessible to me at all times. Just because I wasn't working right now didn't mean that he didn't have things that he needed to take care of. And he had been so good since I'd been back; spending nearly every free moment he had with me…and even some of the moments that he wasn't available.

"That's okay," I told him. "I'll just curl up in your robe and watch a romantic movie."

"Well, then," he said smiling. "I guess I'll have to try get there as soon as possible. I wouldn't want to miss the happily ever after."

_I didn't want to miss that either._

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

I had just gotten out of the tub and was drying off when I felt him behind me. His hands brushed across my hips and he placed his open mouth on my wet neck and began to suck the skin there gently. I held onto the counter in front of me, for fear that my now trembling legs would give out.

All of my senses were awake and alive. The fragrance of bergamot, vanilla and white musk filled the small, still humid space. The dim and flickering light from the candles I'd lit illuminated the room. I could still taste the deep and supple notes of the glass of merlot I drank as I'd soaked in the tub. They lingered on my tongue that was now anxious to taste something else…something far more erotic than a velvety red wine.

"I'm sorry I'm late," he murmured softly.

"Mmmm…" I hummed, looking up and meeting his eyes in the mirror. "Your hands are cold."

"But your body," he said, his voice low and rasping. "Your body is so warm."

I watched as he dragged one hand up along my side and over my shoulder, finally coming to my hair that was twisted up in a clip. The feeling of his cool fingers on my skin left a trail of tingles in their wake. He released my hair from the clip and it fell in damp waves around my shoulders. It was then that I noticed that he had already taken his clothes off with the exception of his grey boxers. His skin was warm in the candlelight. It almost looked golden in the reflection in the mirror.

His hand wrapped around my neck and his fingers touched my chin, pushing up and forcing my eyes to meet his again. They were dark and filled with desire and I could feel my body warm from both his touch and the way he was looking at me. My breathing elevated, but everything seemed to move in slow motion.

"Drop your towel," he whispered.

I did as he said and I felt the whooshing of air as the moist, heavy cotton fell at my feet. His other arm circled around my waist and I could see the deep rise and fall of my chest and the way my nipples grew hard in the air that felt cool around me.

"Do you see?" he whispered again. "Do you see how beautiful you are? Do you see what I see every time I look at you?"

I didn't say anything…didn't know if I could.

He brought his hand from my neck and slid it down my chest until it covered and cupped my breast.

"And just as beautiful," he said, holding the weight of my breast in his hand. "The way your body responds to me – _to my body_ – is just as beautiful, Bella."

At his words, he pinched my pebbled nipple and pressed himself against my back. I whimpered and I could feel him, long and hard and perfect…even through the fabric of his boxers.

"It's just the same for me," he rasped in my ear, causing my entire body to tremble. "I know you feel it…you do exactly the same thing to me…I respond to you exactly the same way."

He pressed his erection against me even harder as if to emphasize his point and as soon as I felt it I moaned.

"Tell me what you feel, Bella."

His breath was hot and wet and his eyes were smoldering and they stared into mine.

"You," I panted, barely above a whisper. "I feel you."

His hand that was on my belly trailed down to my sex as his other hand continued to touch my breast. I felt him gently spread and open me as he stroked me with two fingers.

"Fuck, you are so wet," he whispered. "You are always so wet for me, Bella."

"Oh…oh, god…Edward…" I moaned. "It's you…it's always you."

"Look at me," he commanded softly, but with intense emotion.

My eyes that had been looking at the way he was touching me and loving me with his long and perfect fingers, shot back up to his.

"What do you feel now?" he asked.

Words escaped me because I felt so much…too much.

"Please, Bella," he rasped. "Tell me what you're feeling now."

"I love you," I cried because it was all I could say…all I could think. "I'm so in love with you, Edward. That's what I'm feeling."

"I love you, too," he said against my shoulder before biting down and then sucking the skin there. "I love you so fucking much."

I felt his fingers slip from inside me and before I could understand what was happening, he was bending me over the counter. He pushed my hair to the side and his hungry mouth began to trail down my back with kisses and licks. His hands were on my hips, gripping me roughly. They were soon replaced by his mouth as he kissed and sucked the flesh he found there. I felt – more than heard – him fall to his knees behind me as his hand rubbed up and down the sides of my legs.

"Spread your legs, baby," he told me.

I could feel the flood of my arousal at his words and without a question, I did what he asked. I felt open and exposed even though I couldn't see what he was doing. I could feel his warm breath against my hips and my fingers pressed into the cold surface of the unyielding counter. It wasn't until I could feel the soft texture of his hair along my inner thigh that I knew what he was going to do. And I no sooner understood, before I felt his open mouth against my dripping and needy sex.

With his arms circled around my legs, Edward plunged his tongue inside me and I cried out at the sensation of what was happening. He was forceful at first, but soon I felt him alternate between deliberate and desperate licking, to soft and gentle sucking. I could feel the wet seep onto my thighs and I could hear the muffled sound of his voice against the hot, wet skin.

"Oh…Oh…Oh, god…" I cried as my legs began to shake.

It was then that reached around and his fingers found my clit. As he circled it with his fingers, he continued to lick and suck and mere moments later, my orgasm overtook me and I came intensely with his name on my lips.

He removed his fingers, but licked me softly, helping to bring me down. And when my body stopped shaking, he lifted himself up from the floor, hovering over me as he kissed my back and neck.

"I love you," he whispered. "I will always love you, Bella…always."

I didn't think I could walk or even stand, but Edward knew without my saying a word. He pulled me into his arms and carried me to the bed. Once we were there, he lay me down and undressed before crawling on top of me. I opened my legs to accommodate him, clinging to him. I wasn't even aware that I was crying until he asked me what was wrong.

"Shhh…" he whispered. "Are you okay?"

I could only nod my head because truly, there were no words after what he had just given me…what he was constantly giving me.

"Bella, baby," he murmured against my neck. "I love you so much."

He pulled back and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust so that I could see him. Once we were connected, his mouth covered mine and he kissed me.

_Softly._

_Wetly._

_Deeply._

I could taste myself on his tongue and I could feel him hard and aroused between us. The feeling of him combined with my taste made me want him all over again.

"Oh, Edward," I said against his lips. "I love you, too…so much. So, so much."

"There is nothing," he said. "Nothing in the world is more important to me than you…than this."

I could feel his heart beating against mine…with mine.

"Make love to me," I said. "Please, make love to me, Edward."

I cried as he pushed into me and he called out my name. And with each thrust…with every kiss and every breath…he told me that he loved me. And I told him just the same.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

Saturday afternoon found me sitting in the bar of a restaurant, waiting for Alice. We had decided to have lunch and spend the rest of the day Christmas shopping. I still hadn't found a gift for Edward. Nothing seemed like it was the right thing. What do you give the man that seemingly has everything, but more than that, the man that means everything to you? I didn't know.

I was sipping my martini when I heard her behind me.

"What are we drinking?"

I giggled and turned around to see my best friend standing there. Her eyes were sparling and her cropped hair was wind-blown…and she looked fresh and beautiful. I stepped down so that I could hug her. We hadn't had near enough time together since I'd gotten back and truthfully, I'd missed her so much.

I squeezed her tightly and joked, "Well, I'm drinking a pomegranate martini, but I'm sure that you could have whatever you wanted."

"That sounds perfect."

We sat back down and Alice got her drink and we started talking and just catching up on everything. I told her about the job offer and she told me how her job was going. We talked about Jasper because I was certain that flush in her cheeks was due to more than just the frost-bitten cold outside.

"I love him so much," she said sincerely, a quiet but brilliant smile crossing her face.

"I can tell," I said. "I've never seen you this happy."

"I told you," she said, smirking slightly. "I told you that day at brunch that he was the one."

"You did," I agreed, laughing.

"You told me I was crazy!"

She smiled at me before bursting into laughter.

"I know…and I'm sorry about that, Alice."

"Please…you thought you were being a good friend," she giggled. "Also, you thought I was crazy."

"I did think you were a little crazy," I agreed with a smile.

"Didn't you know at all with Edward?" she asked. "Didn't you know from the very beginning that he was it?"

I thought about her question and truthfully, I had thought about it and even discussed it with him.

"I was just so busy being scared of what he was…what he meant to me…that I think my mind wouldn't recognize what my heart was already telling me."

I took a drink of my martini as my mind wondered back to that emotionally tumultuous time.

"Edward says he knew from the beginning, but I know that wasn't the truth for me. I was so busy being scared of what he meant to me that I completely ignored what I was feeling."

"But you were feeling it, Bella," she said. "I could tell. Hell, anyone who saw the two of you together could tell."

She took a sip of her drink before turning back to me. Her expression was more serious than before.

"What about now?" she asked. "How are things…since you got back from Forks?"

It struck me that I hadn't had a real conversation with her about anything of substance since I'd gotten home. Guilt washed over me and I apologized.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said. "I haven't been a good friend and you have been nothing but wonderful and supportive of me through all of this mess."

She smiled.

"Shut the fuck up, Bella," she said, laughing through her words. "I _know_ what you've been going through…_what you went through_. And I knew that you both needed some time to just work things out together. But now…now it's time to talk. Tell me. What's going on with the two of you? I know you guys have been inseparable. Jasper said that he hasn't really seen or heard much from Edward."

"Christ," I whispered. "Have we really been that bad?"

"It's not bad if you're working things out."

A feeling of warmth washed over me and I wasn't sure if it was the effects of the alcohol or just the thought of him.

_The thought._

_It was definitely the thought._

I looked back at her and I smiled. I hadn't really shared how I was feeling with anyone except him. And as much as he was the most important thing in the world to me now, it felt really good to finally be able to sit down and talk to a girlfriend…my best friend about him when I wasn't a fucking crying mess.

"We've definitely been working things out," I told her simply.

She gave me a look that told me that I wasn't being forthcoming enough and I laughed. So, I began to talk and I told her everything. I told her about Edward and Michael. I told her about my decision to leave Fineley's and about my offer from Northman. I didn't over-share. There were some things that were too personal and would always be just between Edward and myself, but she pretty much got the whole unedited story.

"So, you start the new job in January?" she asked.

"Technically, I'll start in February," I explained. "That is the beginning of the fiscal year and it's also when they will be announcing the addition of the new region."

"How does Edward feel about it?"

She must have noticed my expression change because she called me on it almost immediately.

"What?" she asked.

"Well, he says that he's okay and that will completely support my decision," I told her. "But he doesn't want me to work for them…I can tell. He practically said that to me the other day. I had to explain to him again that my working was necessary. I don't have the luxury of not being able to work. I wonder if he truly understands what I'm talking about."

I looked at her in hopes that she would have some words of wisdom. She had always been a Saint Lucy of sorts to me. Especially when it came to matters regarding Edward. God knows I had been completely blind where he was concerned on more than one occasion. Some of that was my fault and some of it was his.

I didn't want to be that way anymore. I wanted us to understand each other and I needed us to be open and honest and communicate the way that we were feeling. We were so open and giving with each other in the ways that we made love. I'd never felt closer to him in that regard. This was just…different. And I knew that he was withholding something. I just didn't know what it was.

"Did you ever think that maybe he was thinking about the long-term, Bella?"

"I think that we are both thinking about the long-term."

"And where do you see yourself in ten years?"

"I see myself with him," I told her without a question or doubt in my mind. "Alice, he is it for me. He's the one."

"And you know he feels the same way?" she asked, leading me. "You know it?"

"I do."

"Have you talked about the future?"

I had to think about her question. My first instinct was to say yes, unequivocally. Because we had. We had made promises and declarations to each other about our lives and forever. He was my forever…and I knew I was his. I would never question that again. But we hadn't discussed details. We hadn't discussed if we would be moving in together…even though that seemed like the next logical step. He was practically living with me now. I looked back up at her and answered her question to the best of my ability.

"I know that he's my future Alice…and I know that I'm his."

She smiled at me brightly.

"It's so good to hear you say that. Especially when I think back to where you were almost a month ago."

"It's even better to feel it…I assure you."

"So, what do you think that means?" she asked and I didn't completely understand her question.

"What do you mean?"

"For him?" she continued. "What do you think it means for him?"

"Well, I assume that he will want to move in together," I told her. "But he hasn't said anything and honestly, that doesn't bother me so much. It's just….well, it's just that it's really so unlike him to not be more proactive."

Alice's face grew contemplative as her nose scrunched up on her face. She bit down on her bottom lip and she looked directly at me.

"Did you…what I mean is…" she paused as if she were trying to find the right words. "Did you ever think that maybe that's not enough for him?"

At her words, I felt dizzy…and I knew it wasn't from the alcohol. I couldn't believe that I hadn't thought about it. Was that why he hadn't said anything at all? Could he possibly be waiting until he decided it was time to ask me to marry him? Was he even thinking about marriage at all? I hadn't been. Not really. Not in a real and tangible way. I knew that I would always be with him, but marriage had never crossed my mind. Did Edward want to marry me?

"Well," she said. "I can tell by your face that you _definitely_ weren't thinking about _that_."

"You don't think that's what he wants, do you?" I asked, my voice a little higher than before. "I mean…after everything we've been through."

"Tell me you're kidding, Bella."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that he would probably be thinking that _because_ of everything you've been through," she said. "Don't you want to marry him? I mean, you just told me he was your future and that you wanted to be with him forever, but when you think about forever…isn't _that_ sort of implicit?"

_Fuck me._

_It was._

As many times as the world had spun since Edward came into my life…this time was the most significant. This time, I was thinking about not only being with him forever…_but_ _being his wife_. And for the first time…_ever_…I allowed myself to really think about that.

_And I lost myself in those thoughts._

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

**A/N**

**Please leave me some love and review.**

**So, we are coming to the end of this story. I am currently trying not to sob and be all emo. We have one more chapter and an epilogue. Thank you so much to everyone that reads and reviews this story. I cannot tell you how much it means.**

**Marvar, I love and adore you. Thank you for making me write better words and thank you for being the best beta, ficwife and friend in the world. I've been saying I'm out of words forever now, but truthfully, there simply are no more words. #youownme**

**Thank you to GreenEyedGirl17 for recc'ing Retail Therapy in her wonderful and sexy fic Silver Strand Nights. If you aren't reading this…you sure the fuck should be! It is one of the sexiest Edwards EVER!**

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	40. Forever

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**I own an airline ticket to New York where I will be visiting my sister next month.**

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

Chapter 40

It was peaceful in the apartment as I sat on the couch. Music was playing softly in the background and I could see Edward at the dining room table as he was typing something on his laptop. It never ceased to amaze me just how beautiful he was. Especially when he didn't know that I was looking at him. His expression was contemplative as his brows furrowed together. He had taken off his jacket and tie and his white shirt was no longer as crisp as it had been in the morning. A couple of the buttons were undone at the top, allowing me a peek at the soft red hair that dusted his chest. I wanted to run my fingers through it.

I picked up my martini glass and sipped the manhattan that I was drinking. The whiskey lingered on my tongue as I swallowed the cocktail, burning slightly as it slid down my throat. I suddenly felt warm and flushed and I wondered if it had more to do with the drink or the perfect man that I couldn't seem to pull my eyes from. I hadn't been able to stop thinking about him – _about us_ – since my conversation with Alice. It had been two days and my mind simply couldn't focus on anything but the possibility that Edward wanted to marry me.

I still wasn't even sure if that was the case. He hadn't said anything to lead me to believe that it was what he wanted…and until he did, I wasn't going to allow myself to want it. To hope for it. It made sense that it was what he wanted. He had done everything short of asking me to be his wife. He loved me completely. I would never ever doubt that again. And when Edward had promised me forever, I believed it with everything I had. I just wasn't sure what forever would look like. I only knew that whatever it was, I wanted it to be with him.

I don't know how long I'd been sitting there…just looking at him. It wasn't until I heard his voice that I was able to focus.

"See something you like?" he asked and even though his voice was soft and low, it carried across the space broke through my previous thoughts.

I looked up and met his eyes, bringing my bottom lip into my mouth and biting it softly.

"No," I murmured, trailing my finger around the edge of my now empty glass. "I see something that I love."

His eyes grew darker and as I watched him, unmoving from the table, I knew that my words were the absolute truth. I loved him so much and suddenly, everything that I had been thinking about no longer seemed important. It didn't matter if Edward wanted to marry me in that moment. All that mattered was the man who was sitting at my table looking at me like it was the first time.

He closed his laptop quietly, his eyes never leaving mine. I wondered if I looked into his eyes long enough, if I would be able to know what he was thinking. He always seemed to know where my mind was…what my thoughts were.

"You know," I said, my voice husky and thicker than I expected it to be. "The first time I saw you, I was sitting across the room from you with a cocktail in my hand. It's wasn't all that different from right now."

He didn't make an attempt to move, but I saw the muscles in his neck flex as he swallowed.

"I was captivated by you," he said lowly, but I was so focused on him I heard every word. "I wanted to come to you. Your eyes held mine and not one person had ever made me feel the way you made me feel in that moment. Just your eyes. I wanted to know what was behind your eyes. I wanted to puzzle you out. I just…wanted."

His voice was still velvet…would _always_ be velvet and soft…and thick and smooth like honey. He still affected me the same way he had on that night. My heart-rate sped and my breathing grew shallow.

"I wanted, too," I whispered. I wondered if he could hear me, but as his eyes bore into mine, I knew he had. "I was just terrified of what that meant…but I did. I wanted you."

"And now?" he asked.

The movement of his tongue wetting his lips caused my eyes to leave his for a brief moment. When I looked back up to him, his expression was shaded with more intensity, more neediness, more passion…just more.

"Even more," I told him, all of the emotion and desire that I had evident in my voice. "I want you even more now."

"What do you want, Bella?" he asked and I don't know why, but I recognized that it was the first time in our exchange that he has said my name. I didn't understand why it seemed important, but the sound of my name falling from his lips held significance for me.

I knew the answer to his question, of course. It was so simple. I wanted him. I wanted _all_ of him. I wanted his body and his mind. I wanted his heart and soul. I wanted everything that was him…to belong to me. And then, that realization covered and consumed me.

I wanted Edward, but it was so, so much more that. I wanted to tie myself to Edward in every possible way. I wanted to be his partner. I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to be his lover…and I wanted to be his wife.

"Edward," I said, listening to his name as it exited my mouth in nothing more than a whisper. I wondered if hearing me say his name meant the same thing to him. I wanted it to. "I want you…I want all of you."

It was all I could say and I desperately wanted him to understand the meaning behind my words. When I told him that I wanted all of him, I meant it. I wanted him to offer himself to me in the same way that I was _finally_ prepared to offer myself to him. Not only prepared…but willing and eager.

Everything disappeared then. It was all forgotten. I couldn't see anything around me. Not the glowing light of our Christmas tree or the music that was playing that I could no longer hear, not the empty glass in my hand, not the work that he had been doing. There was just me and him…and the space that separated us. And in that moment, the space was too far…too much.

Everything happened quickly then. With my glass no longer in my hand and the couch no longer underneath me, I was going to him…and he was coming to me. We met in the middle of the quiet space and this…this was different than the first time. This was us coming together without fear and trepidation. This was love without question and insecurity.

This was Edward.

This was me.

This was us together.

"It is you," he murmured against my lips, not kissing them. "It has always been you, Bella. It will always be you."

"I know," I whispered back. "It's the same for me, Edward. I will only ever want you."

His mouth covered mine then as his tongue licked my bottom lip. I parted my lips, breathing in his scent…tasting his tongue as it entered my mouth. Our tongues slipped against each other as his arms wrapped around me. One hand held me firmly against him at the small of my back and the other one slid into my hair at the nape of my neck. My hands ran along the surface of his abdomen and finally settled on his chest.

He pulled back, gathering my hair in his hand and pulling it away from my neck. His mouth kissed along my jaw before finding purchase on the now exposed skin. He gently kissed and licked my skin before his needy mouth became more insistent…unrelenting. I took a deep and shaking breath as he sucked my neck, my fingernails pressing into his chest before sliding up and around his neck. I laced my fingers through his hair, grabbing it…pulling it, but at the same time I was pressing him closer to me.

His mouth moved to my throat where he placed sweet and gentle kisses that stood in complete contrast to the almost-forceful way that he was sucking my skin before. His tongue dipped into the hollow at the base and moved down to the bare and now heaving skin of my chest. It wasn't until I felt him bite down on the exposed swell of the top of my breast that I gasped. He looked up at me, the irises of his eyes dark and his lids hooded and heavy. His desire, need and passion were so evident and completely mirrored my own.

And he was so wholly and utterly beautiful.

"Fucking stunning," he whispered. "Bella, you are exquisite."

The emotion in me bubbled up because I knew as he spoke _those_ words, that he was feeling the exact same thing as me. That we were feeling this together…and it only solidified what I was thinking before. He was mine and I was his…and this – this perfect love that we felt – would be forever.

Without another word, he led me to the bedroom, pushing the door shut behind him with his foot. The soft click was the only sound in the quiet space except for our elevated breathing and the beating of my heart that sounded so loud to my own ears. I wondered if he could hear it…and if he could, did he understand that every single beat was for him?

I was his completely.

The only light in the room was the colorless moonlight that spilled through the window, but it was enough to see him…to see everything about him. The line of his jaw, the fullness of his lips, the hair that was tousled from own hands. And I stood there – completely amazed and silently praying to a god that I couldn't see – that I would always look at him this way and _need_ him this much. But there was no need for prayer because when he looked at me the same way, I knew…I'd always known that it was the truth.

I approached him tentatively, quietly. My arms wrapped around his waist and he let out a shuddering breath as my hands grasped the fabric of his shirt, pulling it out of the waist of his pants. With trembling fingers, I began to undo the buttons…my actions awkward yet determined. Once his shirt was unbuttoned and his chest was exposed to me, I ran my fingers through the soft hair that I found there before pushing the garment off of him completely. I kissed and licked his chest as I undid his belt and pants, pushing them down along with his boxers. He kicked himself free of everything and he stood before me…naked and exposed…and completely open.

I led him to the the bed, pushing him down softly until he sat on the edge. And then, standing before him, I undressed myself completely, too. There were no words spoken between us. There was no need for words at all. Everything I needed to know, I saw in his eyes…and I knew he felt the same way. His hand trailed along the outside of my thigh and over the curve of my hip. I couldn't help but groan as he cupped and squeezed the flesh in his hand. He dragged his hand back down my leg, stopping at my knee before bringing it back up the inside. He looked up at me again when he reached the apex of my thighs and without question, I parted my legs to a wider stance and watched as his fingers slipped inside me.

It was completely erotic watching him touch me and the entire experience was compounded by the way he made me feel with his hand. He knew my body so well and before I could process what was happening and the way I was feeling, my legs were trembling and I had to grasp his shoulders as my orgasm overtook me. My cries sounded so loud in the quiet space and I wasn't close enough to him. Putting my hands on both sides of his face, I crawled on top of him and pushed him back and onto the bed.

His arms wrapped around me and we kissed deeply, wetly. I felt him hard against me as I pressed myself into him. When I pulled back for air, I heard him whimper.

"Please," he said and his simple request warmed my already heated body.

I reached down between us, taking him in my hand and running him along the skin that was slick from my desire for him. I felt it coat and cover his smooth skin and as I positioned him at my entrance, I told him I loved him…more than anything, everything.

"I love you, Bella," he rasped as I sank down on him. "I love you, too."

His hands ran along the planes of my back and he kissed and sucked my skin wherever he could as I rode him. I could feel the bouncing movement of my breasts, but nothing could prepare me for what I saw in his eyes as I looked down at him. He was captivated by the movement…by the way my body looked above him. I knew that I could live the rest of my life happy and blissful simply by knowing that this man – this perfect and wonderful and beautiful man – looked at me like that and loved me that fucking much.

He took one of my breasts into his mouth, sucking hard, but not enough to hurt me. And I cried out at the sensation of being filled by him so completely…and consumed by him so entirely.

"Please," he rasped again.

I didn't slow or alter my movement, wanting so much to bring him the kind of pleasure that he had brought to me….was bringing to me.

"Please," he said again.

"What, Edward?" I asked, breathless. "Please, what?"

"I…oh…I need…oh, Bella…"

The moment was so intense and I didn't know what he wanted…what he needed. All I needed was him like this…for the rest of our lives. He was everything. He was my love and my passion…my security and my trust…he was my best friend. He encompassed everything that I would ever need, would ever want. I needed to be the same thing for him.

"What, baby?" I managed to ask as he still continued to push in and out of me. "What do you need?"

"Oh, god…" he said hot and wet into my ear and I hovered over him. I could feel him trembling underneath me. I knew that we were both so close. "I…I need...oh, Bella…_I need you_."

With those words I felt myself spasm around him as he spilled inside me. I clung to him as the trembling in my body calmed down. His lips covered mine and even though we were both still breathless, we kissed until breathing was necessary.

We were wrapped up in each other, our legs tangled together and our hands lovingly and tenderly touching our bodies. Edward told me how much he loved me and I whispered how I would always love him and how much I needed and wanted him. The moment was so perfect…and just so us. I could feel the beat of his heart and the warmth of his body. There was nothing in the world that was sweeter than the taste of his sweat mixed with mine on his skin.

Edward's eyes left mine for a moment and he looked over my shoulder. When he looked at me again, he placed a soft chaste kiss on my lips and murmured low and smooth, "Merry Christmas, baby."

I realized that he was looking at the clock and it was just after midnight on Christmas Eve. A feeling of peace and emotion so full of happiness washed over me that my entire body almost vibrated with it.

"Oh, Edward," I whispered. "Merry Christmas."

"Are you excited?" he asked.

"For Christmas?"

"Yeah."

I looked at him, bringing my hand up to gently cup his face. I brought my nose next to his, rubbing it softly, sweetly. I heard him sigh and felt him relax into me a little more.

"I am," I told him. "But you know what?"

"What?"

"We could stay right here…just like this for the next two days and still…nothing else could make me happier."

"Well, love," he said, kissing me on the tip of my nose this time. "That could be arranged if it was what you _really_ wanted."

I giggled quietly, knowing that it would be impossible to get out of Christmas with his family. But even more than that…I didn't want to. I thought about how happy Edward had been with me at his parent's home on Thanksgiving and we were in such a better place now than we had been. There was nothing between us now. No secrets.

No fears.

Just us.

We continued our loving touches and quiet conversation, knowing that we could sleep in together the next morning. Somewhere in the night, we found sleep. And the sleep was perfect and dreamless because honestly…all my dreams had come true and they were wrapped around me and holding me against a heart that beat for me alone, too.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

We loaded Edward's car the next afternoon with presents and the one suitcase that we had packed together. After Edward closed the trunk, he grabbed me and spun me around in his arms, pressing me up against his car. My laughter was muffled by his mouth as he kissed me passionately.

"I think it's a little early in the day for a kiss like that, Mr. Cullen," I teased him.

"Oh really?" he asked, smirking and his green eyes gleaming. "Well, what if I kissed you like this instead?"

He brushed his lips across my cheek.

"Or this?"

He brushed them across my forehead and then looked down at me again. His eyes were so vivid and swirling with emotion. I had to force myself to breathe.

"No," he said, leaning forward. "I like this way the best."

And with that his lips found mine again as he claimed what was already his.

"You taste like cinnamon," I whispered shakily.

"That's perfect, baby," he said, kissing me once more. "Because you taste like a candy-cane."

When we arrived at the Cullen's, everyone was already there – including Jasper and Alice. Emmett and Edward unloaded the car and I was swept inside with the girls. We sat in the kitchen drinking wassail. Apparently, it was Esme's specialty. It was warm and wonderful just like her. I could see the men outside through the window of the kitchen as I sipped the hot drink that tasted of apples, citrus, spice and brandy. And if nothing else happened for the rest of the holiday…it still would have been more perfect than any Christmas I'd ever had.

That thought made me sad for a moment. I thought about Charlie and wished that he could have been there with us. I had only ever had four Christmases with my father. And for most of those, he worked. He always said it was because he had been single for most of his life and he always wanted to allow his staff to spend the day with their families if it was at all possible.

We had been in such a good place when I left Forks the last time after we talked through our issues. His and mine. I wanted us to be different now. I wanted us to be close. I had invited him for Christmas, but he was his usual, awkward self and told me that he needed to work. I couldn't wait to call him in the morning and tell him that I loved him and thank him for being so instrumental in helping me get over my issues and forgive Edward.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard the men walk in. Esme was talking about the plans for the evening. The Cullen family was very traditional when it came to holidays. I'd learned that the last time I was here. We were going to have dinner and then meet in the great room later to open one present in our pajamas. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't the slightest bit excited. So far, everything leading up to Christmas had been perfect. And I knew that tonight would be no different.

I watched as Alice and Jasper embraced and seemed to lose themselves in each other. And really, looking around the room, I could not only see – but feel all of the love that surrounded me.

I felt Edward come up behind me. He stood behind the stool and wrapped his arms around me. I warmed immediately at his touch and he leaned down and nuzzled my hair.

"That smells good, baby," he whispered, looking at my drink. "Can I share?"

I was about to offer him my mug when I heard Emmett's booming voice.

"You know, Romeo…you could get you own cup," he said as he guffawed.

"I don't think that was the point, Em," Rosalie told him, smiling. "Now, shut the hell up and come over here and share mine.

We all laughed and I felt more a part of this family than ever. I decided it was time to assert myself as such. I looked back at Edward and I winked as he took my mug and drank.

"So, Carlisle," I said. "If we're opening presents tonight…when do we play Monopoly?"

I felt Edward laughing softly behind me.

"Oh, does Bella want a rematch?" Emmett interjected. "I'd love to kick Edward's ass this time."

"Oh, no," Carlisle said chuckling. "No games on Christmas Eve. But if you're still in the mood, I'm sure you could convince Emmett to play sometime tomorrow."

"Oh…it's on, Bella," he said seriously.

"Aww…Emmett," I said sweetly. "I'd hate to ruin Christmas for you, too."

Edward wrapped his arms around me tightly again. Leaning down he whispered in my ear, "Have I told you that I love you?"

"You might have mentioned it once or twice."

"Well, I do," he said and I turned my face toward him and he kissed me.

"I do, too," I said, forgetting about the six other people around us. "So much."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

I spent the majority of the afternoon with Esme, Rose and Alice baking and cooking. She said that I didn't need to but I assured her that I wanted to. I was soaking up the entire experience like a sponge. I had never done anything like it with Renee growing up and I found that being with Esme like that made me feel like a child again. And I loved it.

About two hours before dinner, Edward and I made our way upstairs to relax for a little while before we had to get ready. We lay down together on his bed and he pulled me into his arms, holding me. We were quiet for a while, not feeling the need to speak, but rather just enjoying the closeness of being together.

"Are you happy?" he whispered.

"So happy," I said, pressing myself closer against him.

"What do you want for Christmas, Bella?"

I don't know why, but for some reason, a tight knot formed in the pit of my stomach.

_To be your wife._

I turned to look at him and he looked so relaxed…and just happy. Part of me wanted to tell him what I thought because I thought that he wanted to know that. But the bigger part of me – the selfish part of me – wanted him to tell me that he wanted that with me first. So, instead, I rolled on top of him and kissed him softly, pouring every ounce of my emotion into the kiss. Wanting him to know…to feel what I was feeling with every press of my lips and every stroke of my tongue.

"Everything I want for Christmas, I already have, Edward."

The words were the truth.

He was all I wanted.

"What do you want for Christmas?" I asked.

His hands slid down my back and settles on the soft swell of my hips.

"You."

His eyes were intense and filled with love. And in that moment, I wanted to tell him. Hell, I wanted to ask him myself. He would have known then. He would have known that it was him. That nothing else mattered. Not the lie…not what we had gone through after…nothing mattered to me but him.

I sucked in a deep breath.

_I was going to do it._

I was going to ask Edward to be my husband.

_To be mine forever._

My heart was pounding in my chest and just as the words were forming on my mouth, we heard a knock at the door.

"_Fuck_," he whispered roughly.

Another knock.

"Edward?" we heard Esme say through the door.

I chuckled in spite of myself and kissed his lips on more time. I rolled off of him so that he could go to the door. He walked over and opened the door and his mother told him that there was something that his father needed help with in the study.

"I'm sorry, baby," he said, turning back to face me.

"I'm sorry, too, Bella," Esme said as she looked over to me.

"Don't worry about it." I sat up and straightened myself out. "I should probably get ready anyway. I want to take a shower and change before dinner."

I walked over to them and hugged and kissed him one more time before he left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Dinner was wonderful. I couldn't believe how picturesque everything was. The conversation flowed freely around the dinner table and much to my surprise, no one talked about work. I was so happy to see how close Alice and Rosalie had become since she moved here. I chuckled quietly to myself as I remembered my first encounter with Rosalie in this house. She had been unsure about Alice and Jasper and the intensity of their new relationship, but now they were laughing and talking like they had been friends for years.

It also struck me that there was more love in the room than I had ever witnessed. And instead of making me uncomfortable like it had before, I wrapped my hand around Edward's and I basked in it. I was a part of the love now. I was a part of it and because of Edward…I felt worthy of it.

_It was him._

_It would always be him._

_This was where I belonged._

_Here with him._

After dinner, the couples all retreated to their respective rooms to relax and change into their pajamas so that we could meet in the great room for presents. When we got to our room, Edward asked if we could go downstairs a little earlier than the rest of the family. I told him yes, and the knot formed in my stomach again. I pushed it back, not having the same resolve I'd had before.

He held my hand as we made our way down the staircase. Once we reached the bottom he led me into the great room and I stood in awe for a moment as I looked at the space that surrounded us. The room was illuminated by only the light of the tree and the elegant candles that were placed in the windows. The moment was quiet and perfect.

Just like him.

"I have an early present for you," he said as he pulled me into his arms.

My heart started pounding.

"What is it?" I asked, my voice no more than a whisper.

"This," he said, pointing over to the piano.

We walked over and he sat down on the bench and asked me to sit down next to him.

"I want to play…umm…and sing a song for you."

His voice was low and husky and he seemed nervous.

Edward had only played for me once before and then I had still been so scared of him…of our new and intense relationship. Everything was so completely different now. I put my arms around him and whispered against his neck, "This is the perfect present."

"I love you," he murmured.

I listened to the first few notes and the sound was soft and lovely. The sound of the piano filled the room and swirled around us. It had hits of jazz, but I didn't recognize the song until his velvet voice started to sing. And once he started singing, I couldn't tear my eyes from him.

"_Maybe it's much too early in the game  
Oh, but I thought I'd ask you just the same  
What are you doing New Year's  
New Year's Eve?"_

Tears formed in my eyes at the sound of his voice and the song that he chose to sing for me…to me. I didn't realize that I was holding my breath until it became painful.

_"Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight  
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night  
Welcoming in the New Year  
New Year's eve."_

Yours, Edward. It will always be your arms. It will always be you.

_"Maybe I'm crazy to suppose  
I'd ever be the one you chose  
Out of the thousand invitations  
you received."_

There is no one else, Edward. There is only you.

_"Oh, but in case I stand one little chance  
Here comes the jackpot question in advance  
What are you doing New Year's  
New Year's Eve?"_

It was so vividly clear to me in that moment….everything I'd known all along. Even when we were in the darkest place – separated and hurting – Edward owned me. He had always owned me.

_**Heart and mind.**_

_**Body and soul.**_

He knew. He had always known. Even when I ran…and I had run so much…he had always known. He told me that I was his peace, his joy, his comfort and his _love_. _He'd known all along._ From the beginning….even when I fought it…fought him and the love I knew he felt.

_The love I knew I felt._

Tears were streaming down my face and he was looking at me with so much love. More love than I could ever have fathomed. His hand reached up, cupping my face. The pads of his thumbs were wiping away the hot tears relentlessly poured from my eyes.

"Bella, baby," he whispered roughly with concern. "Why are you crying like this?"

"I just…I just…Oh, Edward…I love you so much," I told him. "I am so completely and utterly in love with you."

He pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly, kissing my face…my lips…my neck. He pulled back, still holding onto me and looked into my eyes.

"I'm in love with you, Bella," he told me. "I have always been in love with you."

There was nothing but sincerity in his words…nothing but love and passion and joy that surrounded us. And it was then that I knew.

_It was time._

_My time._

The most significant calm I'd ever felt washed over me and surrounded my entire being with this man. This man and the intense and all-consuming love that I felt for him.

_I wasn't going to wait on Edward to ask me. _

The most perfect man in the word that loved me more than anything was sitting before me and I wasn't going to wait for him to ask me. I was going to start the rest of my life with this man…our forever was going to start now.

_I wanted to be his wife._

_I wanted him to be my husband._

_And I didn't want to wait anymore._

I pulled myself from his arms, trying to ignore the shocked look that crossed his face as I did.

"The first time you wanted to tell me that you loved me was at a piano," I whispered through my tears. "You wanted to tell me…and I…and I stopped you."

His expression changed and softened.

Bella, I…" he whispered, reaching out to me again.

"No, Edward," I insisted. "You loved me then….and I want you to know that even though I was scared…I loved you then, too."

"Oh, Bella."

I kissed him on the lips one more time….open, gentle and wet like my tears.

"And Edward," I whispered again. "Even though I'm nervous…I'm not scared anymore."

I pulled away from him then and I slid from the bench and dropped to my knees in front of him.

"Bella, stop," he said.

"No, Edward…I'm not stopping. I'm through with stopping."

I reached my trembling hands out and I took his hands in mine.

"Edward Cullen, I love you so much more than I could have ever imagined loving anyone. And I don't want to wait anymore to spend the rest of my life with you."

I looked up at him and his eyes were wet with his own tears.

"Edward…" I whispered. "I want to be your wife….and I want…I want you to be my husband."

Before I knew what was happening, he was on the floor before me and pulling me into his arms. He kissed me fiercely…passionately. And I kissed him back with every bit of the emotion and adrenaline that was coursing through my body.

"You…you…you want to marry me?"

"Yes, Edward," I cried. "I want to marry you. Will you…will you marry me?"

"Isabella Swan," he said, my full name sounding strange and foreign to my own ears. "Yes, Bella…yes. I will marry you."

We clung to each other for the longest time…seconds, minutes. They all passed in heartbeats and kisses and tears. Edward was the first one to pull back. He looked at me and I was captivated by his bronze and green and the way his colors sparkled in the light.

"I was going to ask you tonight, Bella," he whispered, taking my still-trembling hands. "I was going to ask you to be my wife, but you will never know what it meant to me…that you asked me to be your husband first."

"I didn't know," I whimpered. "I didn't know, but it doesn't matter, Edward. I _wanted_ to ask you. I _wanted_ you to know that this was _my_ choice because I want this…_I want you always_."

It was then, out of the corner of my eye, that I saw another color.

A very distinctive pale blue color.

Placed in the open palm of his hand.

"I didn't get to ask you, but I still want to give you this, Bella."

I gasped.

"I will love you every single day of forever and I want you to take this ring…take it the same way that you have taken my heart. They both belong to you."

"And I, Edward…I belong to you."

"Always," he whispered,

"Forever."

**A/N**

**Please leave me some love and review.**

**Sorry for the delay in this chapter. Work has been consuming and if I'm being honest, I have been feeling a little emo about the impending ending of this story. We have the epilogue left…and I truly, hope you love it.**

**Marvar, I love and adore you. Thank you will never EVER be enough. You have been more than my beta. You have been my very good and very dear friend. Thank you for supporting me and holding my hand. Thank you for the encouragement.**

**Marvar and I are hosting the Summer Lovin Contest. It's all about summer love and smut! Check out the page for rules and submission guidelines. We are still taking submissions until July 16****th****, 2010. The address is: www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2393148/summer_lovin_contest **

**What owns my ass right now:**

**Paper CutOuts by twistedcoincidence and astilbe13**

**Seriously, this fic completely owns my ass. Honestly, I haven't fangirled so much over a fic since I started reading UoEM. And you all know how much I love that. It's Edward and Bella…and the story is unique and completey divine. I want to read it every day. I am seriously not exaggerating. Please read it…love it…and tell them that cosmo sent you. You will be missing out if you don't. It's posted on both their pages.**

**Isabella After Dark by Oliviamk1218**

**I love this fic. Love it! It's pretty new…5 chapters in. But, it's really fucking awesome. Bella is strong. And you know that I love a strong Bella. Edward is…well, Edward is hot. Please check it out. Leave her some love and tell her cosmo sent you!**


	41. Epilogue

**A/N Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.**

**I own Darcyward and Marvar owns me.**

**No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Epilogue**

December 25th, 2009

I was vaguely aware of the subtle sunlight that was seeping into the room. My mind and body were devoted and consumed with the beautiful man that was wrapped around me.

_Touching me_

_Kissing me_

_Loving me. _

We were naked, skin sliding against skin, lips pressing against lips…fingers twined and hungry, trembling hands clasped. I was breathing in his air and it felt like it was sustaining me. Like I could have spent the entire rest of eternity in this room…on this bed….with this man. Living on his kisses. Feasting on his body. Drinking in his scent. And I would have thrived.

There wasn't a part of me that hadn't been connected to him since the night before. We held on to each other on the floor by the piano…tears streaming down my face while Edward told me how much he loved me. He had taken my hand – my left hand – and placed the ring that he had chosen on my finger. It was simple. It was elegant. It was perfect…just like him. I couldn't stop crying, couldn't stop kissing, and couldn't stop clinging to him while we waited for the rest of our family that – in the end – never showed up.

_Just me._

_Just Edward._

_Just us together._

_Just the way he planned._

"I love you," he murmured against the skin of my chest that was damp from his kisses.

He was hovered over me, the entire length of his body ghosting across my own.

"I love you," I told him, bringing my leg up and wrapping it around his hip. I placed my arms around his neck, my fingers pressing into the toned and slick skin of his shoulders.

"Baby," he breathed.

"Please," I whispered.

"Anything," he vowed.

"On me," I said pulling him down to me. "I need to feel all of you on me. Your weight, your hands, your mouth…your sex."

The groan that escaped his lips as he collapsed on me was needy and possessive and I quickly covered his mouth with mine. Because he did possess me…all of me. There was nothing left of me that he didn't own and in that moment – that perfect and passionate moment – I wanted him to own me. I wanted him to claim me. I was his, would always be his…and had been his all along.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

We stayed in bed as long as possible, not wanting to let go of each other for even a moment. We showered together, taking our time with soft touches, gentle kisses and whispered words of love and adulation. I was rendered to tears when Edward took my hand and kissed the ring that he had placed on my finger not even twelve hours before, so overcome with the thought that he was mine and I was his wholly and completely.

"You never wear jewelry," he said, twisting the platinum band.

"I don't," I agreed, looking down to his hand on mine. "I never have, but I love this ring and the fact that me wearing this ring means that I will get to be with you forever."

"You really love it?"

"I'm never taking it off, Edward," I told him, kissing his wet lips. "Not ever."

I slipped on my dress and looked back over my shoulder, only to find him there staring at me. His expression was soft but his eyes were still intense and I felt the heat rise to my face as I blushed.

"Do you mind helping me with this?" I asked, motioning to the zipper.

He walked over to me, sweeping my hair to the side and placing a kiss on my exposed shoulder before slowly pulling the zipper up. He pulled me flush against him, wrapping his arms around my waist and whispering in my ear.

"Are you ready?"

And I was. I was ready to go downstairs with him. I was ready to tell our friends and family about our news. I was ready to begin my life with him.

"Yes."

"I have a present for you," he said as he took my hand at the top of the stairs.

"You gave me everything I wanted already," I told him honestly. "There is nothing else that I could possibly want. Anything else would be too much, Edward."

"Trust me," he whispered.

"I do."

"Indulge me."

"I will."

We walked downstairs and I could hear the comforting sound of the laughter and easy conversation of our family as we approached the great room. Edward pulled me to his side before we walked in, kissing me once more.

"Merry Christmas, Bella," he said, smiling. "There is nothing I wouldn't give you."

When we walked in the room, everything was just as I expected it would be. We were there, surrounded by the people that we loved, but my eyes immediately went to the only thing…the only person that I loved more than anything except Edward.

"Dad?"

It took me a moment to realize what was actually happening. Charlie was there and I was so overcome with emotion because I knew that only Edward could have given me what I didn't even know I could ask for. Five minutes before, I thought that I had everything. I thought that I was complete, but Edward knew that I wasn't. And I knew – in that now truly perfect moment – that when Edward said that he would give me anything, he meant it.

I ran to my father, embracing him despite his mild discomfort with this public show of affection. I couldn't care, though. I was literally surrounded by everything and everyone that I loved and held dear in the world.

"You're here," I cried as my father held me tightly.

"I thought it was important," he said, his familiar gruff voice in my ear.

"You knew?" I asked, pulling back to look at him.

"I did."

"I can't believe you're here."

"Well, Bells," he said. "It looks like you made your choice and it looks like you're happy."

His voice was thick with emotion and it only made me hold him tighter.

"I am," I whispered.

"Not that you could tell with all those tears."

I laughed at his words through my tears when I felt Edward beside us. I looked up at him, still refusing to let go of my father and I mouthed the words, "I love you."

And I did…so much.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

When I think about my decision to not go to work for Northman, I have no regrets at all. How could I? Edward and I spent many nights in the weeks after Christmas discussing what I thought I should do. He never once told me what he thought; instead, he only offered options and possibilities for me to maintain my independence because he knew that was so important to me.

"_What do you want to do?" he asked, pulling me close to him in bed._

_It didn't escape me that we were having this conversation in such an intimate setting. It was however, surprising that I didn't seem to mind. And I certainly didn't feel as if he was being manipulative in any way._

"_I don't know," I told him truthfully. "I want to work, Edward. I don't want to be one of those women that doesn't work because she doesn't have to. Because the truth is…I have to. I need to work because I know that I have something to offer. I need to feel like I make a contribution to something that is bigger than myself."_

_He looked at me, smiling. I could see his love for me reflected in his eyes and it was blended with something else…something that looked a lot like pride._

_That made me happy and I wanted that look. I wanted him to feel that – to be proud of me. I craved it almost as much as I craved his love. I wanted to be his equal…in every single way. I wanted to contribute to our life together. I wanted to be his partner just as much as I wanted to be his lover and his wife. And I knew that those roles weren't mutually exclusive. _

"_What do you want?" he asked, not leading me in any direction._

"_I want to do everything," I whispered. "I want to be everything…because you…you're everything to me."_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

I was surprised to get a call from Carlisle requesting a meeting with me the next week. I would be lying if I said that I didn't have an idea of what he wanted to discuss with me, but I was more than willing to meet with him and listen to what he had to say.

"_You want me to work for The Carlisle Foundation?" I asked skeptically._

_He chuckled softly and smiled at me._

"_No, I want you to work with The Carlisle Foundation, Bella."_

"_Explain the difference."_

"_I hope you don't mind, but Edward has spoken to me about the decision you're trying to make."_

_It didn't surprise me. I knew that Edward was extremely close to his father, but I was wondering exactly what Edward had said to him in private about me._

"_I don't mind," I told him honestly. "What did Edward say?"_

"_He knows that your independence is important, Bella. And I want you to know that whatever is important to you is important to my son."_

"_I know that," I said and I couldn't help smiling at the thought of just how much Edward loved me._

"_He told me that you wanted to contribute to something bigger than yourself. I have to say, Bella, I respect that a great deal. Esme's and my need to do exactly that is what led to the founding of this organization. We wanted to contribute. You can contribute here."_

It was with that single conversation, that the loose ends of my life seemed tie up. Carlisle offered me a position at the foundation. Not just a position – but an opportunity to do something important with myself…my talents and abilities. I took on the responsibility of starting a new charity under the umbrella of The Carlisle Foundation that focused on helping to provide scholarship funds for underprivileged young women. This was a cause that was near to my heart, knowing what I had gone through as a child. I would never have been able to afford college on my own and honestly, I'd had help from Charlie.

The transition of working with the foundation had been easier than I anticipated. While I was excited and challenged by the new opportunity, I feared that working alongside Edward could potentially cause problems. I wasn't sure if we could work in such close proximity while living and building a life together. It was scary to me to be that involved in each other's lives professionally when all I wanted was to be consumed by him personally.

I found that I really had little interaction on a day to day basis with Edward where work was concerned. Even though he was a huge part of his family's organization, he really dealt with the fiscal side of things and I was involved with the philanthropic part. And I threw myself into work from the very beginning, wanting so much to be a success and even more than that…wanting to make a difference in someone's life. Work for me had never been so rewarding.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

April 13th, 2010

It was almost time to leave and the office was quiet. Everyone had left for the day and I knew that Edward and I were the only ones left in the building.

I missed him.

I needed him.

I tapped lightly on the door to his office before opening it. The moment he saw me, he stood and smiled, walking over to me and pulling me into his arms.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I missed you."

He hugged me tightly against him, nuzzling in my hair and breathing in deeply. I shivered at the feeling of being so surrounded by his warmth.

"I always miss you," he whispered in my ear.

"You do?" I asked. "Even when I'm right down the hall?"

"Especially when you're right down the hall."

"Yeah?"

"You don't know how many times I've wanted to come to your office and lock the door and take you across your desk. It kills me sometimes…to have you so close."

I drug my hands down his back and over his ass, cupping him firmly and loving the groan that that came from his mouth. I could feel him already hard as his erection pressed against me.

"What about now, Mr. Cullen?" I asked in a breathy voice. "I'm pretty close now."

"Fuck," he rasped so softly that it was no more than a breath.

He crushed his lips to mine, his eager tongue opening my mouth and pushing inside. I kissed him back as passionately as he kissed me, pressing myself even closer to him. Suddenly, his hands were on my hips, grabbing and lifting me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling his hard sex pressing against mine. Instinctively, I squeezed my legs around him and rubbed myself against him exactly where I needed to feel him most.

"I love you, Bella."

"Me too, Edward," I told him. "I love you, too."

He carried me over to his desk and placed me on the edge, pulling back to look at me. His lips were red and swollen as he licked them and the only sound that I could hear was our panting. He reached one hand around my neck and grabbed my hair while the other hand trailed up my leg and under my skirt.

"Are you wet for me, baby?" he murmured and if I hadn't been so aroused, I would have laughed.

"I was wet the moment that I saw you," I told him softly.

When his fingers reached the apex of my thighs, he dipped them underneath the lace that he found there.

"Bella, you're dripping," he said as two fingers slipped just inside me…stroking me, teasing me.

"For you."

His eyes connected with mine at my words and he told me that he loved me and he pushed his fingers inside me. I cried out at the feeling of his touch…his long fingers…his hot hand.

"Please," I whimpered.

"What, baby?" he asked as he held his hand still. "Tell me. What do you want?"

"You, Edward," I breathed. "I always want you."

"You need to be more specific, baby," he teased before kissing me.

"Please," I asked again.

"Do you want me to make you come with my fingers?" he asked before curling them inside me and causing me to moan. His face was so close to mine. He was teasing me…and I loved it. "Or do you want me to take you on my desk?"

I felt a wave of arousal at his words and I know he felt it too. I clenched my sex around his hand. I brought my hands up, cupping his face and kissing him deeply, wetly.

"Oh, Edward," I whimpered. "I thought you said you wanted to take me on mine."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

May 8th, 2010

I sipped the glass of champagne while we waited for the next round of dresses to be presented at a bridal shop downtown. I was surrounded by Alice, Rose and Esme. We had been there for over two hours and I had looked at countless dresses. I still hadn't found the right one.

The dress.

The dress that I wanted to marry Edward in.

I was beginning to get frustrated. Everything seemed either cliché or just wrong. I took another drink and I looked at Alice.

"Couldn't you have just designed me one?" I asked her, taking another drink.

"Easy there, Bella," she laughed. "And no. I used to design sportswear. So, unless you want to get married in a pantsuit, I suggest you be patient."

"You're right," I agreed. "I just want it to be perfect."

"And it will," Esme said.

Alice came over and sat down beside me. She took my hand in her, squeezing gently before taking the flute from my hand and placing it on the table.

"What's really going on with you?" she asked quietly. "I know this isn't just about the dress."

I looked at her and I could feel the stinging of tears behind my eyes. Esme and Rose must have noticed that I was upset, so they quietly excused themselves and left the room, telling us that they would be right back.

"I've been thinking a lot about my mom lately," I confessed to her.

"Oh," she said softly.

"I even sent her an invitation to the wedding."

"You did?" she asked, surprised.

"Yeah. How stupid am I?"

She pulled me into a hug and before I knew what was happening, I was crying into her shoulder.

"I haven't heard anything from her…not one word."

"Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry."

"I don't even know if I have the right address. I'm sure I probably don't. Am I wrong for wanting her to be a part of this day? For thinking that maybe she would even want to be there?"

"That's not wrong, Bella," she said. "And you're not stupid. Does Edward know that you invited her?"

"No," I told her, sniffling. "I didn't want to tell him in case something exactly like this happened. I should have known it would turn out this way."

"What do you mean?"

"I should have known that she wouldn't want anything to do with me now. She never wanted anything to do with me before. I just…well…I just hoped. You know?"

"I completely understand that, Bella. But really…I want you to think about everything that's important in your life. I've known you for a long time and not once in all those years has she been someone that seemed important to you."

"Because she wasn't," I said. "But that doesn't mean that I didn't want her to be."

"Bella, I love you so much and I wish that I had the right words for you…but I'm afraid that I don't. Yes, it sucks, but there is so much love around you right now. There is an entire family that loves you like you belong to them. It's astounding, really. And you have Charlie. You guys are closer now than you ever have been."

"You're right…I know you're right."

"Yeah…your mom sucks, Bella. I hate to say it that way, but she does. I just don't want you to get lost in that and lose focus on what's important. You are here to pick out a dress to marry the man of your dreams in. He is what's important. You are what's important."

She hugged me tightly and I knew that she was telling the truth.

"Hush now. Dry your tears," she said, reaching me a Kleenex from the table. Apparently, crying was normal in bridal shops. "I think you should talk to Edward about this. I think that's important. And I also think it will help you."

"Thank you, Alice."

"You're welcome," she said, smiling at me. "Besides, I can do everything that a mother of the bride would do. Just please…don't make me wear an ugly mother of the bride dress."

And with her perfect words, I was feeling much better.

The sales associate came back in with another rack, followed closely by Rose and Esme. Esme gave me a soft and knowing look and I smiled at her and motioned for her to come and sit beside me.

"There are only three more viable choices," the sales associate said. "But I really think that this one is perfect."

She pulled the dress from the garment bag and the moment I saw it, I gasped.

It was the dress.

It was a Vera Wang strapless gown in ivory silk. The bodice was tight and the silk was gathered and draped in the full skirt.

It was beautiful.

It was perfect.

It was _my_ dress_._

"You have to try it on," Esme whispered in my ear.

And there in a room surrounded by the three wonderful women, I slipped on the dress that I would wear when I became Edward's wife. And in that moment, even though I had just been crying, I couldn't have been happier.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Later that night, I was lying in bed with Edward. He was holding me close, his hand stroking my shoulder while he softly kissed my neck.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too."

I pressed myself closer against him, burying my face into his neck. He smelled wonderful. Musky and soft and fresh…and something that was uniquely him.

"Are you alright, love?" he asked.

I knew I needed to tell him about what I had done and how I was feeling. But even though everything felt so perfect and wonderful with him there in our bed and even though I felt so safe and so cherished there in his arms…I still felt nervous. It wasn't that I didn't feel like I could share this with him. I knew I could tell him anything. I was just disappointed and angry that I felt upset about this to begin with.

"I need to tell you something," I said quietly.

I felt him stiffen underneath me momentarily before he relaxed again.

"Bella?" he asked. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"Yes…no…I don't know."

"Baby, what's going on?"

I pulled back my head so that I could look at him and the moment that my eyes connected with him, I knew that I'd never had a reason to be nervous. His eyes were filled with concern and the absolute love that I knew he felt for me.

"About a month ago," I started. "Well…about a month ago, I sent my mother an invitation to our wedding."

Edward searched my eyes as if he were trying to discern what I was feeling…what I was about to tell him. His hold on me tightened. It was only slightly, but I could feel it.

"Bella," he whispered my name and there was so much care and devotion in his voice, it made my eyes water. He stroked my cheek with his thumb as a tear slipped down. "What happened?"

"Nothing," I cried softly. "Not a goddamn thing."

He pulled me to his chest, sitting us up in the bed. I was sitting in his lap facing him and I dropped my head and cried into his shoulder. He held me for the longest time. Moments turned to minutes and he simply held onto me, rubbing soft, small circles on my back while I cried.

"What do you mean when you say nothing?" he asked eventually, pushing my hair away from my neck so that he could place a kiss there.

"Just that…nothing," I told him. "Not a word…no response…nothing."

"I'm so, so sorry, baby," he told me, his voice soft and his breath warm in my ear.

I don't know what happened then, but in that moment, I let everything go.

"I mean…I should have known, but Edward, I just don't understand!" I cried. "Why doesn't she love me? Why didn't she ever love me or take care of me or want me? I – I loved her, Edward. Even though she was a terrible mother. I still loved her. Why didn't she love me?"

"I don't know," he whispered. His voice was so soft that I almost didn't her him through my crying.

I hated that I was crying over her. And the fact that I hated it only made me cry harder.

"Shhh…baby, please calm down," he said soothingly. He was stroking my hair as he continued holding me close. "Please, don't cry, Bella…please. It hurts me to see you like this. It fucking breaks me."

I felt myself sink into him as I cried. Not wanting to hurt him, but entirely incapable of stopping. My emotions had been so carefully and relentlessly guarded where my mother was concerned.  
I spent the majority of my life either not thinking about her or pretending that she didn't matter. I was skilled at compartmentalizing that part of my life, those emotions that were too painful to really deal with. It was easier to just lock them away in my heart and simply not think…not feel. Everything was different now with him. He owned my heart. All of it. And there in his arms, I knew he loved all of all of it. Even the part that was still broken and hurting.

I pulled back, looking at him and feeling his hands on my face, his thumbs brushing the tears that fell from the pools of my eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I-I wish that there was something I could say to make this better."

"I know, Edward. And that only makes this worse," I told him. "Do you know that this is the happiest I have ever been in my life? And I hate…hate that I'm feeling this way too. I don't want to feel this way. I wish that I didn't."

He pressed forward and kissed me softly on my lips.

"I don't know why," he started. "Bella, I don't know why your mother did the things she did. How she could possibly not love you the way that you should be loved…_you deserve to be loved_." He pulled me close to him again, our faces together, foreheads touching. I could feel his breath against my lips as he spoke. "I don't understand it, but I can promise you, Bella – I can promise you that I will always love you more than anything in the world. And I will try to love you enough…I will try to love you _so much_ that you will never feel like this again."

"Oh, Edward," I sobbed softly, his words seeping into my mind and filling my heart. "I love you."

"You are so wonderful and so – so fucking special. And in a month you are going to become my wife. Do you know what that means to me?"

I could only nod my head against his because even though my mouth couldn't form words, I did know. I knew because of what it meant to me. What it meant to me that he was going to be my husband. That we were going to build and have a life together.

"You are the most amazing person that I have ever known. Your thoughts, your mind…your beautiful heart. You are _everything_, Bella," he rasped, his voice lower and more insistent than before. "You are everything that is graceful and lovely in the world_. In my world_. And I love you…I promise that I will _always_ love you like this and I will make sure that the rest of your life is filled with so much happiness that it will be all you're able to focus on."

His words were just like him – too perfect and beautiful to be real. Except that they were real. And he was real.

Real and perfect…and entirely mine.

I looked at him for the longest time and after a while my tears dried and I was left with nothing but the feel of his breath and the sound of his heart…and wrapped in his arms – the only arms – that had ever been strong enough to hold me.

"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you," I finally whispered.

"You chose me," he said. His words were simple, but entirely true. "And, Bella…I chose you."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

June 18th, 2010

I stood in front of the mirror in my bedroom looking at my body that was barely covered in my black lace bra and panties and the silk of my stockings. My skin shimmered from the lotion that I had just applied. My hair was a perfectly tousled mess of thick curls and heavy waves. My eye-makeup was smoky and dark and my lips were simple and glossed.

I saw his refection in the mirror when he walked in. I could see his body tense and as he approached, I looked into his dilated and shadowy eyes. I felt a rush knowing that Edward had always looked at me like that. And I had no doubt that he would _always_ look at me like that. There would always be this intensity, this hunger, this need, this want.

Never taking his eyes from mine, he stood behind me, one hand slipping around my waist and pressing me against his chest…his body.

"You don't look like my blushing bride," he whispered huskily in my ear. "No, I take that back. You're definitely blushing…and you're definitely mine."

I swallowed thickly as I felt his hand stroke the skin of my stomach.

"I'm not supposed to look like a bride," I murmured. "I'm supposed to look like a bachelorette."

"You look breathtaking," he breathed into my ear.

My entire body warmed and flushed from his words, his touch.

"So do you."

He moved the tresses of my hair to the side and nuzzled before kissing my neck. I whimpered from the feeling of his breath and lips and tongue against me.

"Why are we doing this tonight?" he asked.

"Because our friends and family told us that it was what we were supposed to do," I giggled.

"I don't want to spend the night away from you."

There was such raw emotion and vulnerability in his voice and I knew how he felt because I felt exactly the same way. I didn't want to be away from him. Not ever. I turned around to face him and he enveloped me in his arms…tenderly, sensually. His skin was soft and warm, his fragrance fresh and masculine.

"I don't want to spend the night away from you either, Edward," I told him.

"What do you want?"

"I want to be your wife," I told him, looking up into his eyes. "I'm ready."

"I know," he murmured softly before leaning down to kiss me. "Tomorrow."

We stayed there like that for a moment, holding onto each other before we had to say goodbye. I wouldn't see him again until the wedding and I didn't want to let go.

"They're not taking you to a strip club, are they?" I asked, half-joking.

"Uh…no," he said decidedly with a smile. "It's not that kind of bachelor party. What about you?"

"We're not going to a strip club either," I said, smiling against his chest before kissing it. "None of us are into breasts."

He chuckled and pulled back to look at me.

"What _are_ you doing tonight?"

"Nothing much…just cocktails and conversation."

"What are you going to talk about, Ms. Swan?"

I reached my hands up, wrapping them around his neck. He lowered his head to mine and he kissed me, deeply, passionately. When he pulled back, I touched his lips softly with the tips of my fingers.

"Well," I whispered. "I think we'll be discussing how tomorrow night at this time, I'll be Mrs. Cullen."

-x-

-x-

-x-

-x-

-x-

It was just after eleven when I slipped into bed. The night had been lovely, but I was ready to just go to sleep. I wouldn't see Edward until I walked down the aisle the next day. I didn't have too much to drink. Just a couple of martinis, but I think the one glass of champagne was enough to relax me so that I would actually be able to rest.

I closed my eyes, allowing the softened edges of my mind to relax even further. I tried to focus on the fact that tomorrow, I would be Edward's wife and he would be my husband. I also tried to ignore the fact that his side of the bed was cold and empty…overlooked the fact that his strong and warm arms were not wrapped around me. Taking his pillow and holding it against me, I breathed in his scent that still remained.

Sleep took me quickly.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

I awoke to the feeling of warmth surrounding me…to the smell of his fragrance filling my senses. It felt wonderful and right. Until I realized that it wasn't. I shot up in the bed, disoriented and confused.

"Shh…Bella," he whispered, pulling me back into his arms. "It's just me."

"Wha-what are you doing here?" I asked. "You…you're not supposed to be here."

He laid us back down pulling me on top of him. He stroked my hair and gently kissed my face. My pounding heart began to quiet as I focused on the steady thrum of his.

"I couldn't stay away," he told me. "I couldn't…and I didn't want to."

"You're not supposed to see me," I argued quietly. My voice held no persuasion. Even I didn't believe what I was saying. "This is bad luck."

"No, Bella," he whispered. "There is no bad luck, baby. There's just us. You and me. And tomorrow you're going to marry me, but my life…my life with you has already started. _Nothing_…nothing will separate us ever again. No bad luck. No one. Nothing."

"Just us?" I whispered.

"Just us."

He punctuated his words with a tender but searing kiss on my lips. I opened my mouth to him, tasting and drinking him in. My entire being was calm and in that perfect and quiet moment, I knew that nothing else mattered. Nothing else, but this…but him.

"I love you," I told him as I settled on top of him, feeling the line of his body perfect against my own.

"Bella," my name breathed from his lips reverently. "I will always love you."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

June 19th 2010

I stood at the top of the stairs at the Cullen home just after six in the evening. I was grasping my father's hand and praying silently that I wouldn't fall as we walked down. I took a deep breath and looked at Charlie.

"You look so beautiful, Bells," he said, shifting on his feet and looking completely uncomfortable in his tuxedo.

"Thank you," I whispered, willing the tears behind my eyes not to fall.

I looked down at the sapphire pendant on the chain around my neck.

My something blue.

"_It's so beautiful," I breathed, looking at the simple, elegant pendant. It was an oval cut sapphire, surrounded by diamonds and hanging on a white gold chain._

"_Technically," Esme said as she slipped the necklace around my neck, "this will be your something old, something new and something blue."_

_She hugged me softly and pressed a kiss to my cheek._

"_The 'something old' is obviously the pendant. This was a gift from Carlisle after we started the foundation. The something new is the chain. I hope you don't mind, but I selected it myself. The something blue…well, I don't think I need to explain that."_

_She winked at me before hugging me one more time._

"_Couldn't it also be my something borrowed?" I asked. _

_Esme took my hand and sat next to me on the bench._

"_No, dear, it can't," she said, smiling sweetly. "This is my gift to you. Your borrowed will be a handkerchief. Though, you don't really have to give that back."_

"_It's too much, Esme…I-I can't accept this," I said, touching the necklace that seemed so special and important._

"_You can and you will," she told me, her voice soft, but resolved. "You will accept this because Rose accepted something very similar when she married Emmett. Also, you will accept it because I love you and because, Bella…you're like a daughter to me now."_

_I hugged her tightly, overcome with emotion and a kind of acceptance and love that I had never known. _

I was so caught up in my memory that I didn't even notice when Jasper and Alice walked into the room, effectively beginning my wedding ceremony. It wasn't until I heard the tender notes of Claire de Lune drift up that I knew it was time to go. I looked back up at my father and I saw that tears were welling in his deep brown eyes.

"I love you, Bella," he said thickly.

"I love you, too," I said, my voice cracking. "Don't let me fall."

We walked down the stairs without incident and though I tried to focus on my feet, all I could really focus on was the fact that I was getting ready to marry Edward in the same room where I had asked him to be my husband. Suddenly, I couldn't get there fast enough.

_I wanted to see him._

_I was beyond ready._

The moment we walked in, my eyes immediately went to his. They were vivid and green and wet like my own. I possessed no nervousness or apprehension. There was just realization that the anticipation was finally over. And a perfect love for the man standing before me, waiting to make me his wife.

It was Edward.

Now.

Always.

Forever.

My eyes never left his as I walked down the aisle. Everything else fell away. I was barely aware when Charlie gave Edward my hand, except that my body responded to his touch before my mind had a chance to. I wanted him to take me in his arms…wanted his lips to claim mine. But Edward calmed and centered me. Taking both of my hands, he told me that he loved me and he told me I was beautiful.

We both recited traditional vows and though I heard the words…_though I knew the words_, my mind was only focused on the man that stood before me. I knew in that moment as I looked at him and he looked at me, that even though this ceremony was important…it was just symbolic. I already belonged to him. In every sense of the word. And as much as I belonged to him, he belonged to me the same way. It had always been that way.

_Long before I even knew._

And when I said I do, nothing had ever been truer.

_Because I did._

_I had._

_And I always would._

I was in his arms before the words were spoken that he could kiss me. And when his lips touched mine, the entire world disappeared and it was just him…just me…just us and the life we were continuing together. It wasn't the beginning, for we had begun so long before this moment. This moment was just solidifying what we already understood. This moment was just the culmination of everything our hearts had told us all along.

We would be passionate.

We would be loved.

We may even be hurt and broken.

But in the circle of our relationship where there was no beginning or end, we would be entirely and wholly committed.

And we would be together.

-x-

-x-

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-x-

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-x-

A/N

Please leave me some love and review.

This is the last one. Please indulge me.

There will be important information that you might not want to miss.

I'm not even gonna lie. I am more than a little emo to hit the complete button on this story. I have loved writing it. Even when it was difficult to write. Thank you to each and every person that took the time to read my words. Some of you have been with me since the very beginning and have left me reviews for each and every chapter. You will never know what it meant to me.

I am working on a new story. It will begin posting after I take a little break. I do not know the exact date it will be posted, but if you put me on author alert, you will know the moment that it does. I will also be posting a honeymoon outtake for Retail Therapy.

Most importantly, I need to thank my beta, fellow author, soulmate and friend, Marvar. Sometimes it feels like I met you yesterday and sometimes I feel like I've known you for years. You are, by far, the best and most important thing that has come out of this whole Twilight addiction. You have held my hand when I cried, laughed at my stupid jokes and talked to me almost every single day since the first day that I messaged you. You also became my co-author and have created one of the most wonderful characters in FanFiction. I love you, fic-wife. I adore and appreciate you so, so much. There really are no adequate words.

There are certain people that I need to thank for helping out my little fic when only ten people were reading.

**Rose Arcadia** – you were the first person other than Marvar to support Retail Therapy. I will never forget it and I will appreciate you forever. And I still think that the blinkie you did for this story is the hottest one ever!

**Kstew411** – I know you're not around anymore, but thank you for recc'ing this story.

**Squalloogal** – Thank you, beautiful girl, for being a great reader and supporter and for telling people about Darcyward when not many knew who he was.

**GreenEyedGirl17** – Thank you for reading and loving Darcyward…and for sending your readers to love him too.

**The Slores** – Brooke, AnaisMark, JustDuckie, GothicTemptress, AquariumJenn and RainaMD You guys were my first friends in FanFiction and I met you at The University. I will always love you for drunk posts, slore-stools, naked hugs and countless other things that I don't have time to mention. Thank you for everything. I simply love you all.


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